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وفاق بعد شقاق : حوار بين ابنة مسلمة وأمها المسيحية
أم وابنتها لم تتحاورا، طيلة عشر سنوات، سيّما حول أمور الإيمان. وبدلاً من ذلك، سارتا، البنت المسلمة وأمها المسيحية، بخطوات حذرة نحو تلك الهوة السحيقة التي ظهرت في حياتهما فباعدت بينهما. ثم وقفتا عند جانبيها بوجهين متقابلين، وقلبين يملؤهما الأسى. كان خيار البنت: أن تترك الكنيسة، وتتخلى عن دين عائلتها، وتعتنق الإسلام.
«وفاق بعد شقاق»، سيرة شخصية كُتبت بقلم مؤلِّفتيها باتريسيا رايبون وإلانه رايبون لتوثيق تجربة شخصية هي من صميم الواقع، وقد كُتبت فصولها بمصداقية نادرة، وشفافية صادمة، تعرّفان القارئ – عن قرب وبشكل شخصي - على حياة كل من "باتريسيا رايبون"، الكاتبة الحائزة على عدة جوائز، وعلى ابنتها "إلانه"، المدرّسة المتفانية والمربية العطوف.
يتوجه هذا الكتاب؛ بالدرجة الأولى، إلى كلّ الأمهات والبنات اللواتي يواجهن في حياتهن الخاصة تحدياً أو توتراً بسبب واقع التعددية الدينية ضمن العائلة الواحدة. كما يتوجه؛ بالدرجة نفسها، إلى كلّ شخص معني بالحوار الذي ينبغي أن ينشأ في أمريكا بين المسيحيين والمسلمين الذين يشهدون شقاقاً وتباعداً بسبب الخلفية الدينية لكلا الفريقين.
هي قصة رُويت بأسلوب شيق وجذاب أعربت الكاتبتان من خلاله عمّا يجول في خاطرهما، وباحتا بما أسرّته كلّ منهما في نفسها. ما يجعل المتلقي للعمل أمام أسئلة ملحّة تبحث عن إجابات مثل: "هل ستبقى باتريسيا على ثقة بالمسيح الذي تؤمن أنه القيوم على كلّ شيء؟" وهل سيتسبب حبّ "إلانه" لله و[اعتناقها الإسلام] بإبعادها عن عائلتها؟ أم أن ذلك سيكون سبيل عودتها إلى عائلتها؟
هل بإمكان الأم وابنتها أن تجيبا على ذلك السؤال الملح الذي دأبت كلّ منهما على طرحه والبحث عن إجابته بشكل عملي: "هل بإمكاننا أن نجد طريقة لجمع شمل العائلة كي ترجع كما كانت؟".
«وفاق بعد شقاق»، سيرة شخصية كُتبت بقلم مؤلِّفتيها باتريسيا رايبون وإلانه رايبون لتوثيق تجربة شخصية هي من صميم الواقع، وقد كُتبت فصولها بمصداقية نادرة، وشفافية صادمة، تعرّفان القارئ – عن قرب وبشكل شخصي - على حياة كل من "باتريسيا رايبون"، الكاتبة الحائزة على عدة جوائز، وعلى ابنتها "إلانه"، المدرّسة المتفانية والمربية العطوف.
يتوجه هذا الكتاب؛ بالدرجة الأولى، إلى كلّ الأمهات والبنات اللواتي يواجهن في حياتهن الخاصة تحدياً أو توتراً بسبب واقع التعددية الدينية ضمن العائلة الواحدة. كما يتوجه؛ بالدرجة نفسها، إلى كلّ شخص معني بالحوار الذي ينبغي أن ينشأ في أمريكا بين المسيحيين والمسلمين الذين يشهدون شقاقاً وتباعداً بسبب الخلفية الدينية لكلا الفريقين.
هي قصة رُويت بأسلوب شيق وجذاب أعربت الكاتبتان من خلاله عمّا يجول في خاطرهما، وباحتا بما أسرّته كلّ منهما في نفسها. ما يجعل المتلقي للعمل أمام أسئلة ملحّة تبحث عن إجابات مثل: "هل ستبقى باتريسيا على ثقة بالمسيح الذي تؤمن أنه القيوم على كلّ شيء؟" وهل سيتسبب حبّ "إلانه" لله و[اعتناقها الإسلام] بإبعادها عن عائلتها؟ أم أن ذلك سيكون سبيل عودتها إلى عائلتها؟
هل بإمكان الأم وابنتها أن تجيبا على ذلك السؤال الملح الذي دأبت كلّ منهما على طرحه والبحث عن إجابته بشكل عملي: "هل بإمكاننا أن نجد طريقة لجمع شمل العائلة كي ترجع كما كانت؟".
320 pages, Paperback
First published April 28, 2015
45 people are currently reading
898 people want to read
About the author
Patricia Raybon
37 books348 followersA newspaper journalist right out of the gate, Patricia turned to writing historical mystery novels during the pandemic and hasn't looked back. Her first fiction is the award-winning Annalee Spain Mystery series whose debut, “All That Is Secret,” won a Christy Award for First Novel. The series' second installment, “Double the Lies,” won the Christianity Today Book Award for Fiction. The third in the series, “Truth Be Told,” was a New York Times' pick among "4 Great Fictional Detectives."
“...[M]ystery novels that incorporate religion in a significant way aren’t all that common. Thankfully, the inspiring Patricia Raybon, a veteran nonfiction writer and novelist, has been threading the needle in just the right way with her Annalee Spain series, set in 1920s Denver.” (Sarah Weinman, New York Times).
"It's something special," says NBA star Steph Curry about the Annalee story. Others agree. "Brava, Patricia. It is captivating." (Jerry B. Jenkins) "Rich with romance and spiritual searching." (Sujata Massey) "A fast-moving mystery.” (Publishers Weekly) “Not only a good mystery, but a realistic insight into the African American experience in the 1920s in the West.” (Rhys Bowen)
Patricia cut her writing teeth in high-pressure newsrooms and won multiple awards for feature writing during her years at The Denver Post and later at the Scripps Howard Rocky Mountain News in Denver. Mid-career she taught print journalism for 15 years to bright graduate and undergraduate students at the University of Colorado at Boulder.
Now writing full-time, she is a regular contributor at Our Daily Bread and, in addition to writing historical mysteries, is author of two notable memoirs, “My First White Friend,” a winner of the Christopher Award and a Books for a Better Life Award, and “I Told the Mountain to Move: Learning to Pray So Things Change,” a Book of the Year finalist in Christianity Today’s Book Awards. Patricia was also inducted into the Colorado Authors' Hall of Fame.
A lifelong Colorado resident, Patricia is mom to two grown daughters, a “Grammy” to five grandchildren, mother-in-law to one “son,” and the wife of 48 years to her husband Dan Raybon, a retired educator. Patricia and Dan share a passion for movies, popcorn, college hoops, and historical dramas and mysteries on Masterpiece on PBS.
Join her on the journey at her Reader’s Circle at patriciaraybon.com and get her free prayer download, “The Busy Person’s Guide to Hearing God.”
“...[M]ystery novels that incorporate religion in a significant way aren’t all that common. Thankfully, the inspiring Patricia Raybon, a veteran nonfiction writer and novelist, has been threading the needle in just the right way with her Annalee Spain series, set in 1920s Denver.” (Sarah Weinman, New York Times).
"It's something special," says NBA star Steph Curry about the Annalee story. Others agree. "Brava, Patricia. It is captivating." (Jerry B. Jenkins) "Rich with romance and spiritual searching." (Sujata Massey) "A fast-moving mystery.” (Publishers Weekly) “Not only a good mystery, but a realistic insight into the African American experience in the 1920s in the West.” (Rhys Bowen)
Patricia cut her writing teeth in high-pressure newsrooms and won multiple awards for feature writing during her years at The Denver Post and later at the Scripps Howard Rocky Mountain News in Denver. Mid-career she taught print journalism for 15 years to bright graduate and undergraduate students at the University of Colorado at Boulder.
Now writing full-time, she is a regular contributor at Our Daily Bread and, in addition to writing historical mysteries, is author of two notable memoirs, “My First White Friend,” a winner of the Christopher Award and a Books for a Better Life Award, and “I Told the Mountain to Move: Learning to Pray So Things Change,” a Book of the Year finalist in Christianity Today’s Book Awards. Patricia was also inducted into the Colorado Authors' Hall of Fame.
A lifelong Colorado resident, Patricia is mom to two grown daughters, a “Grammy” to five grandchildren, mother-in-law to one “son,” and the wife of 48 years to her husband Dan Raybon, a retired educator. Patricia and Dan share a passion for movies, popcorn, college hoops, and historical dramas and mysteries on Masterpiece on PBS.
Join her on the journey at her Reader’s Circle at patriciaraybon.com and get her free prayer download, “The Busy Person’s Guide to Hearing God.”
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
May 19, 2015
I borrowed this book from a friend to read while I was on vacation.
It took me a couple of days to finish it, not because it's lengthy or complicated, but because I kept having to put the book down and walk away before I chucked it into a wall - which my friend would not have appreciated.
There's no lack of skill in the authors writing styles, but there's a frustrating lack of anything like an actual resolution or understanding between the two women.
I expected there to be tension, of course, from reading the summary of the book, but there was a promise of a coming together, some understanding and healing of the gap in this mother/daughter relationship. If there was any reaching out, it all came from Alana's side. Patricia starts with the attitude of mourning her poor lost and deluded 'ex-Christian Muslim daughter' and never seems to get over it. Admittedly, given the publishing house, this shouldn't have been a surprise. Perhaps it was my fault for expecting a book that actually showed two women of diverse faiths loving and accepting one another for the adult choices that they have made.
I suspect that a good part of the clash between these two women is merely an extension of their relationship prior to Alana's conversion. There are several mentions of Alana being the 'rebellious' daughter from both sides of the conversation. And I can't help but wonder if perhaps Patricia wouldn't have been quite so harshly angered by the conversion if it had come from her other daughter. Certainly there still would have been the Christian dismay at the perceived loss of salvation, but maybe it wouldn't have taken them ten years to get to a point where they could talk around religion as opposed to ignoring it entirely.
One of the things that irritated me the most, aside from the constant dismissal of Islam as a valid religious choice or the much muttered fear that any misstep even in the conversation between mother and daughter would lead to some nebulous radical imam somewhere issuing a fatwa against Patricia, was the thorough and one must assume willful ignorance of the basic facts of Islam by Patricia.
Even accounting for the fact that she and Alana couldn't discuss religion without it turning into a fight, in the age that we live in to be ignorant of Ramadan (for example) takes some doing. You have to be *trying* to avoid knowing at least a little something about Islam and Muslims. Your information might be wrong, but you'd at least have a couple of fact points somewhere in your memory.
Possibly this is something that would only bother me, but there is a small line in one of Patricia's sections where she asks why the faith of her family and her ancestors wasn't good enough for Alana. The irony, leaving aside the very explicit argument against following what your fathers have done just because your fathers have done it from the Qur'an, is rich. Didn't Jesus come to divide families? The first converts to Christianity came from Jewish households, where their fathers and their fathers fathers worshiped in the Jewish monotheistic tradition for thousands of years. What if they had refused to follow Jesus because it was not what their forefathers had done?
Patricia's sections frustrated me, with the constant refrain of 'why, Jesus, why?' and the way that everything about Alana's faith choice is brought back to how it affects Patricia. Alana's sections were less frustrating, but not enough to save the book for me. I mentioned to my friend that it felt as though they set out to write a book but never actually got around to it, too busy going back and forth. She assures me that the book I read is the book they meant to write, but I have my doubts.
All in all, this book left me feeling that nothing had been resolved and that both authors are still very much divided whether it's a slightly smaller divide or not.
It took me a couple of days to finish it, not because it's lengthy or complicated, but because I kept having to put the book down and walk away before I chucked it into a wall - which my friend would not have appreciated.
There's no lack of skill in the authors writing styles, but there's a frustrating lack of anything like an actual resolution or understanding between the two women.
I expected there to be tension, of course, from reading the summary of the book, but there was a promise of a coming together, some understanding and healing of the gap in this mother/daughter relationship. If there was any reaching out, it all came from Alana's side. Patricia starts with the attitude of mourning her poor lost and deluded 'ex-Christian Muslim daughter' and never seems to get over it. Admittedly, given the publishing house, this shouldn't have been a surprise. Perhaps it was my fault for expecting a book that actually showed two women of diverse faiths loving and accepting one another for the adult choices that they have made.
I suspect that a good part of the clash between these two women is merely an extension of their relationship prior to Alana's conversion. There are several mentions of Alana being the 'rebellious' daughter from both sides of the conversation. And I can't help but wonder if perhaps Patricia wouldn't have been quite so harshly angered by the conversion if it had come from her other daughter. Certainly there still would have been the Christian dismay at the perceived loss of salvation, but maybe it wouldn't have taken them ten years to get to a point where they could talk around religion as opposed to ignoring it entirely.
One of the things that irritated me the most, aside from the constant dismissal of Islam as a valid religious choice or the much muttered fear that any misstep even in the conversation between mother and daughter would lead to some nebulous radical imam somewhere issuing a fatwa against Patricia, was the thorough and one must assume willful ignorance of the basic facts of Islam by Patricia.
Even accounting for the fact that she and Alana couldn't discuss religion without it turning into a fight, in the age that we live in to be ignorant of Ramadan (for example) takes some doing. You have to be *trying* to avoid knowing at least a little something about Islam and Muslims. Your information might be wrong, but you'd at least have a couple of fact points somewhere in your memory.
Possibly this is something that would only bother me, but there is a small line in one of Patricia's sections where she asks why the faith of her family and her ancestors wasn't good enough for Alana. The irony, leaving aside the very explicit argument against following what your fathers have done just because your fathers have done it from the Qur'an, is rich. Didn't Jesus come to divide families? The first converts to Christianity came from Jewish households, where their fathers and their fathers fathers worshiped in the Jewish monotheistic tradition for thousands of years. What if they had refused to follow Jesus because it was not what their forefathers had done?
Patricia's sections frustrated me, with the constant refrain of 'why, Jesus, why?' and the way that everything about Alana's faith choice is brought back to how it affects Patricia. Alana's sections were less frustrating, but not enough to save the book for me. I mentioned to my friend that it felt as though they set out to write a book but never actually got around to it, too busy going back and forth. She assures me that the book I read is the book they meant to write, but I have my doubts.
All in all, this book left me feeling that nothing had been resolved and that both authors are still very much divided whether it's a slightly smaller divide or not.
April 13, 2015
I received a digital ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I was really really excited about this book when I first heard about it. "Finally!" I thought. "A real book about a Christian mom and her Muslim convert daughter and how they got past the hurdles of interfaith issues." It is so relevant to me (being the Muslim convert in a family of Christians) and I thought it might have some good tips or show how Patricia was able to resolve her struggles with her daughter choosing another faith.
I was wrong. What I found in this book was frustration. I was frustrated at Patricia's rambling, nonsensical way of writing. She jumped from topic to unrelated topic. Maybe I'm just not accustomed to evangelical histrionics, but it seemed like a lot of the drama getting in the way of their relationship (at least in the last few years) actually came from Patricia, not Alana.
Allow me to give a few examples:
Patricia refers to her daughter as a Christian (rather than a Muslim) throughout the book - as if "Muslim" is "just a phase". She constantly invalidates her daughter's spiritual path by mocking it as a "copy", a "knockoff" of Christianity.
She also says multiple times that her daughter "no longer believes", a notion that Alana soundly rejects, stating that she "believe(s) stronger than I ever have in my life. I struggle with the frustration of conveying to her that my walk in Islam has filled my heart with so much faith and love that I no longer feel the empty void that I once felt. Then after she hears this, I wish she could be content and happy for me, that I found a love like no other. A love for God."
Patricia describes Islam as her daughter's "defiant choice of faith" (this is a verbatim quote) - as if Alana went to Islam to spite her mother, rather than because she found spiritual fulfillment there.
She also consistently links Muslims and Islam with insanity and violence. Example: she says "Muslims get crazy" when Christians say anything about the Qur'an, after stating that the Qur'an doesn't resonate with her (as if that alone is enough to set off a firestorm in response) - although she and her husband also "got crazy" when the veracity of the Bible was questioned.
Patricia talks about her fears that her daughter "if...granted a reason and platform to defend her chosen religion, she'll use it as ammunition, to put down her family's faith. Even more, I feared she'd do a good job. That she'd make Islam look good - while I'd fail to life high the Cross. That pressure I feel - to make Jesus and his good deeds and perfect life and extraordinary sacrifice look phenomenal and far better than Islam - weighs me down the most." Ironically, it's Patricia who uses her faith like ammunition, who puts down her daughter's faith. If she is so concerned about making Christianity "look good", then why doesn't she trust God to do the job? Why does she make it her own personal job?
Patricia intends to fix the relationship with her daughter - the end goal of that repair being to get her daughter back in Christianity. She dismisses the notion that belief in Islam can be just as deep and satisfying for Alana as she finds in Christianity.
In short: Patricia makes Alana's conversion all about herself, rather than about Alana. She takes it personally. She keeps wondering "what did I do wrong?" and moaning and gnashing her teeth and crying, rather than realizing that Alana choosing Islam had NOTHING to do with Patricia in any way.
Alana's parts of the book, however, didn't ramble all over the place. She actually addressed the issues at hand in a fairly straight forward manner - why she became a Muslim, what she sees in Islam to this day, her frustrations that her mother refuses to accept that she does, in fact, believe in God - she simply doesn't called Him by the name of "Jesus". Her worries that her mother will try to teach her kids Christianity, after Patricia states that she wants her grandchildren "to know Christ" (although I will give Patricia props when she actually attempts to respect her daughter's wishes and not teach things that are contrary to Islam). The way she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around her mother, like she can't be "too Muslim" around her family. I'd love to quote whole pages of Alana's words - she's open and honest, but without the drama her mother brings.
In many cases, as I read Alana's sections, I felt like I was reading dialogue from my own head. Things I've thought, felt, and said. We have many of the same frustrations in dealing with our Christian families (even when those families are, in many cases, nominal in their practice of Christianity, they rarely waste time jumping up on the soapbox to preach to us of how "wrong" we are).
In the end, I wasn't convinced that there was any peace, any sort of resolution in their relationship. Patricia has decided to hold her tongue (for now), to grin and bear it, but that's far from peace or acceptance and her thinking about Islam hasn't changed even a bit.
This book was an exercise in frustration. If I'd read it in hardcopy, I would likely have thrown the book at the wall. I was going to give a copy of this to my mom, but now that I've read it, I may go with "Daughters of Another Path" (written by a Christian mother after her daughter converted) instead. I wish Alana would have written this book on her own - it would have turned out much better.
I was really really excited about this book when I first heard about it. "Finally!" I thought. "A real book about a Christian mom and her Muslim convert daughter and how they got past the hurdles of interfaith issues." It is so relevant to me (being the Muslim convert in a family of Christians) and I thought it might have some good tips or show how Patricia was able to resolve her struggles with her daughter choosing another faith.
I was wrong. What I found in this book was frustration. I was frustrated at Patricia's rambling, nonsensical way of writing. She jumped from topic to unrelated topic. Maybe I'm just not accustomed to evangelical histrionics, but it seemed like a lot of the drama getting in the way of their relationship (at least in the last few years) actually came from Patricia, not Alana.
Allow me to give a few examples:
Patricia refers to her daughter as a Christian (rather than a Muslim) throughout the book - as if "Muslim" is "just a phase". She constantly invalidates her daughter's spiritual path by mocking it as a "copy", a "knockoff" of Christianity.
She also says multiple times that her daughter "no longer believes", a notion that Alana soundly rejects, stating that she "believe(s) stronger than I ever have in my life. I struggle with the frustration of conveying to her that my walk in Islam has filled my heart with so much faith and love that I no longer feel the empty void that I once felt. Then after she hears this, I wish she could be content and happy for me, that I found a love like no other. A love for God."
Patricia describes Islam as her daughter's "defiant choice of faith" (this is a verbatim quote) - as if Alana went to Islam to spite her mother, rather than because she found spiritual fulfillment there.
She also consistently links Muslims and Islam with insanity and violence. Example: she says "Muslims get crazy" when Christians say anything about the Qur'an, after stating that the Qur'an doesn't resonate with her (as if that alone is enough to set off a firestorm in response) - although she and her husband also "got crazy" when the veracity of the Bible was questioned.
Patricia talks about her fears that her daughter "if...granted a reason and platform to defend her chosen religion, she'll use it as ammunition, to put down her family's faith. Even more, I feared she'd do a good job. That she'd make Islam look good - while I'd fail to life high the Cross. That pressure I feel - to make Jesus and his good deeds and perfect life and extraordinary sacrifice look phenomenal and far better than Islam - weighs me down the most." Ironically, it's Patricia who uses her faith like ammunition, who puts down her daughter's faith. If she is so concerned about making Christianity "look good", then why doesn't she trust God to do the job? Why does she make it her own personal job?
Patricia intends to fix the relationship with her daughter - the end goal of that repair being to get her daughter back in Christianity. She dismisses the notion that belief in Islam can be just as deep and satisfying for Alana as she finds in Christianity.
In short: Patricia makes Alana's conversion all about herself, rather than about Alana. She takes it personally. She keeps wondering "what did I do wrong?" and moaning and gnashing her teeth and crying, rather than realizing that Alana choosing Islam had NOTHING to do with Patricia in any way.
Alana's parts of the book, however, didn't ramble all over the place. She actually addressed the issues at hand in a fairly straight forward manner - why she became a Muslim, what she sees in Islam to this day, her frustrations that her mother refuses to accept that she does, in fact, believe in God - she simply doesn't called Him by the name of "Jesus". Her worries that her mother will try to teach her kids Christianity, after Patricia states that she wants her grandchildren "to know Christ" (although I will give Patricia props when she actually attempts to respect her daughter's wishes and not teach things that are contrary to Islam). The way she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around her mother, like she can't be "too Muslim" around her family. I'd love to quote whole pages of Alana's words - she's open and honest, but without the drama her mother brings.
In many cases, as I read Alana's sections, I felt like I was reading dialogue from my own head. Things I've thought, felt, and said. We have many of the same frustrations in dealing with our Christian families (even when those families are, in many cases, nominal in their practice of Christianity, they rarely waste time jumping up on the soapbox to preach to us of how "wrong" we are).
In the end, I wasn't convinced that there was any peace, any sort of resolution in their relationship. Patricia has decided to hold her tongue (for now), to grin and bear it, but that's far from peace or acceptance and her thinking about Islam hasn't changed even a bit.
This book was an exercise in frustration. If I'd read it in hardcopy, I would likely have thrown the book at the wall. I was going to give a copy of this to my mom, but now that I've read it, I may go with "Daughters of Another Path" (written by a Christian mother after her daughter converted) instead. I wish Alana would have written this book on her own - it would have turned out much better.
August 9, 2015
This book was terrible. As a human being, I try to acknowledge and respect all religious views- I actually picked up this book looking for some insight into the Muslim American way of life. Patricia, the mother- is ridiculous about pushing her Christian faith on her daughter and never actually validates Alana's decision to convert to Islam, saying "she'll find her way back to Christ eventually." Her behavior is childish- whining about not getting presents, etc. I did enjoy reading Alana's sections, but if she eventually decides to walk away from her mother, I wouldn't blame her!
July 2, 2015
An incredibly honest and touching story about a mother a daughter, their love for each other and for there religions that threaten to pull them apart. Written by a mother and daughter, their raw emotions and frustrations are on every page, but it's a testament to these strong women that they stay true to their faiths and love each other...unconditionally.
March 1, 2019
قرأت العديد من المراجعات السلبية عن الكتاب، وأعتبر أن التقييم العام الذي حصل عليه منخفض قليلاً، لذلك أنا هنا معنية بتوضيح ما هو سبب ذلك من وجهة نظري. أعتقد أن بعض الناس توقعوا قراءة حوار أو مناظرة بين الإسلام والمسيحية، لكن في الحقيقة ليس هذا هو موضوع الكتاب. الكتاب ببساطة يروي رحلة باتريسيا "الأم" تحديداً، على مدى أكثر من عام، ومحاولتها لتقبل ذلك الخبر الصاعق الذي نزل عليها (تحول ابنتها إلى دين الإسلام) وكيف وجدت سلامها الداخلي شيئاً فشيئاً.
هذا هو موضوع الكتاب ولن تجد فيه أكثر من ذلك، لكنه بالنسبة لي يمثل تجربة تستحق أن تُروى، وأنصح بقراءته.
هذا هو موضوع الكتاب ولن تجد فيه أكثر من ذلك، لكنه بالنسبة لي يمثل تجربة تستحق أن تُروى، وأنصح بقراءته.
December 31, 2023
I was really excited for this read, but it fell flat for me. It was very repetitive and there never seemed to be a peace between the two. I did get more insight into the religion of Islam, which I appreciate.
November 12, 2018
This book alternates between Mother and Daughter as they try to find peace between them. In the end, they have a tentative peace between each other and peace with each of their own religions. Both let go of the need to push their beliefs on the other.
July 10, 2015
I was excited to read this book about a Muslim daughter and her Christian mother, and although it was not quite what I expected, I am still glad I read it.
These two women, mother and daughter, were not afraid to "let their hair down". I felt like we saw both of them at what I would assume is their worst, at times. In the beginning I felt like the mom, Patricia, was very narrow minded, and judgmental. She emphasized the differences in her beliefs and her daughter's, always finding the Islam of her daughter lacking. She was disrespectful of a different way of practicing one's faith, and of different traditions. I kept thinking, why can't she rejoice at her daughter's strong love of God, her practice of daily prayer, her close family, her being a great parent! But then I started to see that Alana also had a darker side that was revealed; she had been a rebellious teen, and had undertaken this different faith path at least partly due to her mother's strong Christian faith, as another way to establish her independence and perhaps throw it back in her mother's face. But what started as rebellion soon transformed for Alana, it seemed to me, into genuine conviction and belief. As the book neared its end, I felt like Patricia was finally "getting it"; she started expressing a wish to be more accepting, more respectful, and to look for all the positives in her daughter and the life she had created. She started to really listen to Alana, and to reflect more deeply on the love and non-judgmentalism (the dictionary is telling me there is no such word, but you know what I mean) that her own faith teaches.
This was a 3 and a half star one for me.
These two women, mother and daughter, were not afraid to "let their hair down". I felt like we saw both of them at what I would assume is their worst, at times. In the beginning I felt like the mom, Patricia, was very narrow minded, and judgmental. She emphasized the differences in her beliefs and her daughter's, always finding the Islam of her daughter lacking. She was disrespectful of a different way of practicing one's faith, and of different traditions. I kept thinking, why can't she rejoice at her daughter's strong love of God, her practice of daily prayer, her close family, her being a great parent! But then I started to see that Alana also had a darker side that was revealed; she had been a rebellious teen, and had undertaken this different faith path at least partly due to her mother's strong Christian faith, as another way to establish her independence and perhaps throw it back in her mother's face. But what started as rebellion soon transformed for Alana, it seemed to me, into genuine conviction and belief. As the book neared its end, I felt like Patricia was finally "getting it"; she started expressing a wish to be more accepting, more respectful, and to look for all the positives in her daughter and the life she had created. She started to really listen to Alana, and to reflect more deeply on the love and non-judgmentalism (the dictionary is telling me there is no such word, but you know what I mean) that her own faith teaches.
This was a 3 and a half star one for me.
May 28, 2017
After reading this book, I don't see where they are any closer to being undivided. I felt that through the whole book the sublime message was my god is better than your god. Maybe what I expected was not their intent. Even the cover bothers me now. I see a mother still praying that her daughter returns to Jesus and I see a daughter who is insistent that her mother is going to accept Islam no matter what. Too drama queens hard at work.
Let's be real though, this was never a good relationship, long before religion came into play. As a child, teen, and young adult their relationship has always been toxic; religion just added more fuel to the fire.
Each chapter was more of the same, mother ask a question, daughter jumps down her throat...over defensive. Daughter does something Islamic, mother freaks out. Mother bashes daughter over the head with Scriptures, daughter retaliates with Islamic quotes. And when they wanted to be really mean Patricia (mother) would talk about "Islamic terriorist" which she new that was a anger trigger point for her daughter and Alana (daughter) Would attack the holy trinity. She would enforce that Jesus was just a disciple which she knew set her mother off.
Turns out this book was nothing more than a religious war without physical violence or blood shed. The rantings of a mother who feels betrayed and a daughter desperately wanting acceptance without having to reciprocate outside her comfort zone.
One thing does confuse me, why does Alana use her maiden name for this book?
Let's be real though, this was never a good relationship, long before religion came into play. As a child, teen, and young adult their relationship has always been toxic; religion just added more fuel to the fire.
Each chapter was more of the same, mother ask a question, daughter jumps down her throat...over defensive. Daughter does something Islamic, mother freaks out. Mother bashes daughter over the head with Scriptures, daughter retaliates with Islamic quotes. And when they wanted to be really mean Patricia (mother) would talk about "Islamic terriorist" which she new that was a anger trigger point for her daughter and Alana (daughter) Would attack the holy trinity. She would enforce that Jesus was just a disciple which she knew set her mother off.
Turns out this book was nothing more than a religious war without physical violence or blood shed. The rantings of a mother who feels betrayed and a daughter desperately wanting acceptance without having to reciprocate outside her comfort zone.
One thing does confuse me, why does Alana use her maiden name for this book?
July 19, 2015
This book was amazing! Not only was I educated some on a different religious perspective but I was able to see the struggle between the daughter and the mother and how they started to repair the bridge that was broken between them. It was inspiring and made me really dig deep and think about what was going on in my own mind, my own world, my own family. I went through many different emotions while reading this book, which is uncommon for me. Both writers were so raw with their feelings and their thoughts. It amazed me how raw they were. I could see how the fear of rejection from both writers, the blinded pride, the anger, the hurt, the pain, and the inability to look at ones self and their actions objectively. I saw how its so easy for us to expect someone to feel or say or think something and it made me open my own eyes to how I have done that. This is a great read! For anyone! Oh and I won this book from good reads giveaway. I would have went and bought this had I known it was this amazing!
February 23, 2016
This book was a strange read for me. I found it a bit juvenile, and the title; misleading at best. I do not foresee the peace these women are longing for happening and kind of felt they are stuck because they are not willing to lose their religious egos long enough to deal with the true issue of their Mother-Daughter relationship. What they need is what I believe the younger generation calls "adulting".
I think about the people of the Forgiveness Project and Mother's who have stood by children that have committed violent crimes, or even military units; people who do not remotely share the same ideals or religions; but people who "get it". These ladies are in need of that understanding. They are in need of a social worker to help them understand each other's experience & position in their family. They simply need an unbiased moderator; not to spend time writing this book about an issue that is not at all their real issue. Many reviews mention frustration with this book and I agree.
I think about the people of the Forgiveness Project and Mother's who have stood by children that have committed violent crimes, or even military units; people who do not remotely share the same ideals or religions; but people who "get it". These ladies are in need of that understanding. They are in need of a social worker to help them understand each other's experience & position in their family. They simply need an unbiased moderator; not to spend time writing this book about an issue that is not at all their real issue. Many reviews mention frustration with this book and I agree.
June 30, 2018
I was a little disappointed with this book. I had hoped to give it to my mom to read, since we're in the same situation with me converting from Christianity to Islam, but I've changed my mind after reading this. My biggest problem was the mother, who for most of the book put her desire for her daughter to go back to Christianity ahead of her relationship with her. I felt that the mother looked down on her daughter for converting; I couldn't believe that she waited until they decided to write a book to ask basic questions about her daughter's faith. Another thing I didn't like is that all throughout the book they referred to deadlines of this book. It seemed like the only reason they even tried to come to reconciliation and the only reason the mother came to accept her daughter's faith is because they had to wrap up the book. This made the book seem disingenuous.
July 27, 2015
It was difficult for me to finish this book. I tried but I just gave up. I read about half. I believe that it is difficult for mothers when their daughters' take another path. It is not only a matter of religion. However, I found it painful to read in every chapter Patricia's (the Mom's) quest to accept her daughter's adult decision. It did not seem genuine. Her a daughter's decision is not a failure on her part; yet, she takes it so so personal. Her daughter seems to have grown up to be a caring and responsible mother, wife, and daughter. I understand her disappointment in her religious choice but it seems a little over the top. But it is what she feels so I need to respect that; I just did not enjoy reading it.
June 15, 2015
This book wasn't what I expected it to be. I wanted a mother communicating the importance of Christianity. I was sure the most important aspect of one's eternal life would be discussed. But this was not an apologetic book. This book was about a mom letting go of the daughter she had fashioned and accepting the woman that little girl had become. I am no longer a mom, I am a mother of grown children.
August 16, 2018
The idea of a mother and daughter talking through their huge faith differences was very intriguing. Unfortunately, the execution wasn’t as deep or satisfactory as I had hoped. I am sure writing this book was very good for them, but as an outside reader the exchange felt wandering and inconclusive. Still, there were good things to learn about mother daughter relationships and interfaith dialogue.
May 28, 2015
Great writing Great insight into two world religions. But the best part of this story was the mom learning to let go of her expectations placed on her grown daughter. This is such a real struggle for moms and we can all relate.
December 2, 2020
The writing is engaging, but overall I was left frustrated. Much of the book is fueled by a social justice mindset, at the expense of gospel truth. The "peace" that is reached by the end is not a true peace, but a mother letting go of her drive to see her daughter understand truth.
May 2, 2015
Undivided is a beautiful book. I love the way it is written, and I love its nuances. It's a book for these present times when so much seeks to divide families, friendships, communities.
March 19, 2017
Loved this book! It gave me a lot of insight into how my non-Christian family might feel about my faith
December 20, 2018
I really wanted more from this book, but it just dragged. There wasn't anything that felt like it gave me a fresh perspective on peacemaking, and I even found myself really frustrated at points.
June 30, 2020
The mother seems to think that because her daughter was raised in a Christian family, that automatically made her a Christian. Even referring to her as "my christian daughter who is a Muslim" which doesn't make any sense. She doesn't recognize that one's family or traditions can't make a person a Christian - only a personal surrender to Jesus as Lord can.
The daughter also doesn't understand Christianity, claiming that she "had always been a Christian." She wants her mom to be happy for her trying to follow God and finding peace in Islam, not acknowledging that of course her mom can't be happy, because by her own Christian understanding, her daughter is not following the true God.
They both take things too personally and have unreasonable expectations of one another.
I just wouldn't have reacted the same way in many of the situations they mention and so I couldn't always relate.
Some of the writing was a bit too flowery and "writerly" for my taste.
Overall, though, it was good to read of other perspectives and get a glimpse into their thought processes. There is some personal growth present in both of their lives as the book goes on.
The daughter also doesn't understand Christianity, claiming that she "had always been a Christian." She wants her mom to be happy for her trying to follow God and finding peace in Islam, not acknowledging that of course her mom can't be happy, because by her own Christian understanding, her daughter is not following the true God.
They both take things too personally and have unreasonable expectations of one another.
I just wouldn't have reacted the same way in many of the situations they mention and so I couldn't always relate.
Some of the writing was a bit too flowery and "writerly" for my taste.
Overall, though, it was good to read of other perspectives and get a glimpse into their thought processes. There is some personal growth present in both of their lives as the book goes on.
August 28, 2021
The narrators were fantastic. The book title Undivided ... Their Path to Peace led me to believe the book would have a different tone. The mother is overbearing, and I thought petty and childish. The daughter chose a path that worked for her. She has an attentive encouraging husband. They both work, are active in their faith activities, and have children who are their priority. Ten years is a long time for a Christian mother not to speak to her daughter. I can understand why the daughter stayed away. The path to peace I believe the daughter knew would be a lifelong conscious decision to get along. The ball is and has always been in the mother's court.
The book really is more about the mother wanting her way, without trying to understand the path her daughter chose. It's not a great book. It's not bad. It's meh. I learned and appreciated when the daughter spoke.
I picked up the book at Book Outlet on clearance (only books I buy) and read along with the audio from Scribd. And, I'm glad I did. There are lessons to learn.
The book really is more about the mother wanting her way, without trying to understand the path her daughter chose. It's not a great book. It's not bad. It's meh. I learned and appreciated when the daughter spoke.
I picked up the book at Book Outlet on clearance (only books I buy) and read along with the audio from Scribd. And, I'm glad I did. There are lessons to learn.
November 5, 2020
This could have / should have been a better book because the topic is completely relevant and dicey. I liked the format they used as if both authors shared pages from their journals while mother and daughter worked through their religious differences, striving for a peaceful, close relationship of acceptance. While I appreciate their candor and honesty in allowing the reader to see all the big and little things they struggled mightily with, at points their writing took on a whiney tone as they took offense at the slightest provocation from one another. I got the sense that their mother-daughter relationship was not all that close before the daughter converted to Islam.
Did they find a path to peace and acceptance? Maybe. But it seemed the book deadline was upon them before peace was abiding, and they wrapped things up a bit artificially. The lesson of the book for me is that the path to peace takes much longer than it does to write a book.
Did they find a path to peace and acceptance? Maybe. But it seemed the book deadline was upon them before peace was abiding, and they wrapped things up a bit artificially. The lesson of the book for me is that the path to peace takes much longer than it does to write a book.
November 24, 2017
This is an interesting book about a mother and daughter trying to reach across the great divide of their religious beliefs to restore their family.
Told in alternating sections, we read the Christian mother's anguish as she sorts out how to reach her adult daughter. As a similar mother, my heart raced right alongside Patricia's.
Alana's decision to leave behind the family's religion to become a Muslim--and raise her family as Muslim--creates the divide. She tries to show her mother how her religious choice is just as valid and real to her as Patricia's.
The reader will need to draw their own conclusions, but I appreciated this thoughtful look into a real family's real anguish and how stretching out to one another in love is really the only answer.
Told in alternating sections, we read the Christian mother's anguish as she sorts out how to reach her adult daughter. As a similar mother, my heart raced right alongside Patricia's.
Alana's decision to leave behind the family's religion to become a Muslim--and raise her family as Muslim--creates the divide. She tries to show her mother how her religious choice is just as valid and real to her as Patricia's.
The reader will need to draw their own conclusions, but I appreciated this thoughtful look into a real family's real anguish and how stretching out to one another in love is really the only answer.
November 18, 2023
كتاب مثير للاهتمام ومميز من نوعه! قرأته من وجهة نظر فتاة مسلمة وتعلمت الكثير.. رأيت فيه طرق يمكنني شرح فيها الاسلام على غير المسلمين، وكذلك الامر فهمت نقاط الاختلاف بين الاسلام والمسيحية! يعرض الكتاب نقطة مهمة جدًا كنتُ أتمنى لو تُطبع في عقول العالم، وهي السلام والسِلم! فالعالم يتسع لكل الديانات وكل الاختلاف بين البشر، وبذلك علينا فهم وجهة النظر هذه. فيا ليت الحروب تنتهي بنقاشات سلمية مثل النقاش الذي دار بين باتريسيا وإلانة! فمثلما قالت إلانة نرى العالم صغير جدًا على تلة الجبل، فكذلك الصراع بين الديانات صغيرة لو نظرنا لها من منظور فكري واسع يركز على صراعات اكثر اهمية من اختيار الدين! أنصح في القراءة!
June 7, 2020
A fascinating window into the lives of a mother and daughter on issues of faith. The Christian mother writes out of longing for her daughter to return to the faith of her youth, and the daughter, who has committed to Islam, feels misunderstood by her mother. For ten years they avoided the topic of faith. Through this book they address this contentious issue, promising not to shirk away from it.
The path to peace is rocky and hard, and there aren’t any easy answers at the end of the book. I found it a moving account of their real-to-life love.
The path to peace is rocky and hard, and there aren’t any easy answers at the end of the book. I found it a moving account of their real-to-life love.
April 4, 2021
This book was an amazing read for me. I even gave it to my mother to read. I like conversations. Hard conversations are even better. This one was real. They didn't hide their challenges, pain or discomfort from the readers. This book was a journal for a mother and daughter to discover each other in the midst of a huge faith divide. I wish I could have the conversation that Patricia and Alana had with the ones I care about. They could have just avoided each other or "walked on eggshells" for the rest of their lives, but they chose to write a book.
Thank you Patricia and Alana for sharing your journey and conversation. I am better for it.
Thank you Patricia and Alana for sharing your journey and conversation. I am better for it.
November 13, 2021
An alternating point of view format where Patricia and her adult daughter work through the difficulties presented when Alana converts to Islam. Patricia Raybon is an award winning Christian author and she struggles with her daughter's decision to leave her christian faith and embrace islam. Besides the big issues of faith, there are the myriad smaller issues of food, holidays, clothing and child rearing that divide and alienate. How do you navigate this gulf? I am not sure the book gave answers but gave an interesting insight into the struggles.
July 3, 2020
I really wanted to like this book more. And I'm still glad I read it. There were parts that were so riveting and touching. But so much of the book felt more like a stream of conscientiousness. It appears they were writing portions back and forth to each other and commenting on them. I like the concept, but I'm not sure it worked. I think a better method might have been to work through their issues and then write a book about how they came to peace.
November 10, 2019
This book was so good—I’m grateful to people who recommended it. The authors write so candidly about their struggles to find peace as loving family members following 2 different religions that they leave in parts of the process where their own actions caused hurt. Their story is hopeful. They find a way of wisdom leading to peace without betraying or watering down their different beliefs.
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