This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide

by Geneen Roth, Anne Lamott (Foreword)

Inspiring, personal, and often spiritual reflections on how women can find peace, make wise choices, practice joy, and step into their power from Geneen Roth—author of the #1 New York Times bestselling Women Food and God.

From the beginning, Geneen Roth was told she was too sensitive, too emotional, too curious, too demanding, too intense, and too big. Yet gaining and losing weight for decades did not improve her self-worth or reduce other people’s criticisms. Like most women who struggle with their weight, she believed that if she could resolve what seemed to be the source of her self-hatred—how and what she ate—she would be thin, happy, and free. That belief, she discovered, was false.

When her misery with food ended—and didn’t change anything except the size of her thighs—she kept trying to fix other broken parts of herself with therapy, intensive meditation retreats, and rigorous spiritual practices. Yet it was only when Geneen stopped trying to change or fix herself—that she was at last able to feel at home in her mind, body, and life. Now, she shares the wisdom of giving up this project, and finding the freedom, peace and wholeness that await us just beyond it.

With humor, compassion, and insight, This Messy Magnificent Life explores the personal beliefs, hidden traumas, and social pressures that shape not just women’s feelings about their bodies, but also their confidence, choices, and relationships. This provocative, enchanting, and sometimes laugh-out-loud look at the imperfect path women take to step into their own power, presence, and ownership is based on the author’s personal journey and her decades of work with thousands of women around the country.

Roth embraces everyone’s unique and often unsung potential and shows us how to be open, curious, and kind with ourselves; how to say no to people and ideas that hold us back; how to let go of grudges and anxieties; how to pick ourselves up after setbacks; how to say a resounding yes to the world; how to move from fixing ourselves to finding ourselves; how to find joy in the ordinary; and how to experience the extraordinary right here and now in our bodies.

With a foreword by Anne Lamott, This Messy Magnificent Life is a compelling and often quirky look at what it means to be an imperfect but unapologetic woman living a (mostly) magnificent life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Memoir, Personal Development, Mental Health, Audiobook, Personal Growth

226 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 6, 2018

About the author

Geneen Roth's pioneering books were among the first to link compulsive eating and perpetual dieting with deeply personal and spiritual issues that go far beyond food, weight and body image. She believes that we eat the way we live, and that our relationship to food, money, love is an exact reflection of our deepest held beliefs about ourselves and the amount of joy, abundance, pain, scarcity, we believe we have (or are allowed) to have in our lives.

Rather than pushing away the "crazy" things we do, Geneen's work proceeds with the conviction that our actions and beliefs make exquisite sense, and that the way to transform our relationship with food is to be open, curious and kind with ourselves-instead of punishing, impatient and harsh. In the past thirty years, she has worked with hundreds of thousands of people using meditation, inquiry, and a set of seven eating guidelines that are the foundation of natural eating.

Geneen has appeared on many national television shows including: The Oprah Show, 20/20, The NBC Nightly News, The View and Good Morning America. Articles about Geneen and her work have appeared in numerous publications including: O: The Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Time, Elle, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, and The Philadelphia Inquirer. She has written monthly columns in Good Housekeeping Magazine and Prevention Magazine. Geneen is the author of eight books, including The New York Times bestsellers When Food is Love and Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything. Her newest book, to be published in March 2011, is Lost and Found: Unexpected Revelations about Food and Money.

Reviews

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 3 out of 5]

"After a while, the stories from our past begin to feel like poems we
memorized in fifth grade, or Beatles songs we learned by heart. They
evoke memories, feelings, possibilities or the lack of them, and if we
believe them we are defined by them."

"No one can cause you to compare shrink, or shame yourself; a trigger
Is created when you believe your thoughts and the feelings they evoke."

I don't think there is a woman alive who has been satisfied with her body image, possiblity some men as well, at any given time. Constant dieting, exercising, diet groups, many of us have been there, done that. I think most of us know now that food, whether bingeing, dieting or whatever is tied to feelings, many arising from our pasts. Even knowing this though, we still struggle with body contentment. This book reinforces many of the common sense precepts which we know, and adds additional information while letting us into facets of her life, times she struggled. She uses humor at times, stories at others, she has a pup who has an eating disorder. Didn't know that was possible, but it is apparently. Found this both informative and enjoyable.

[☆Dani☆ ☆Touch My Spine Book Reviews☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

When requesting this title I didn't realize that it was Christian based. Of course there's nothing wrong with that with me personally because I am a Christian but my beliefs are very open minded. I appreciate the honesty in this book and it had great writing. I just didn't find it that relatable. My daily struggles are on a different level and not the same as the author experienced. While I think a lot of women can benefit from this honest, well written and positive novel. This book wasn't relatable for me so that is why I am giving it 3 stars.
Thanks so much to the publishers and NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review. I appreciate this opportunity and all views and opinions expressed are my own.

[Barbara (The Bibliophage) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reflecting back over This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide by Geneen Roth, I think the audiobook didn’t work for me. But, in truth, I won’t be likely to pick up the print copy now that I’ve listened to the audio. I might look for some book tour interviews by Roth, though.

Let me explain myself. Listening to this book is like eating a bowl of whipped cream. It’s so yummy while you read it, but nothing sticks with you afterwards except a taste of heavy sweetness in your mouth. At least that’s my experience. I remember saying “Yes!” multiple times. But I really have no idea now what struck me.

How do I review a book when I can’t remember any of the advice it just gave me besides: be true to yourself and don’t diet? Probably it’s me. My life is complicated, and my brain is feeling full lately.
Plus, this was an impulse read, since I saw a friend mention it and found it on Scribd. I haven’t been choosing self-help books lately, because after reading gobs of them I needed a break. But Roth is a favorite. So … I figured, why not?

What I love about Geneen Roth is that she’s massively neurotic and lets it all hang out. It’s okay for her to tell stories about the crazy way her mind works. We all can relate on some level, whether we admit it in public or not. And that gives us permission to accept ourselves. Or to try to be more accepting. I can get behind that.

Here’s my bottom line. Roth’s advice is great, and the world needs her perspective. But for me, the four hours of listening was succinctly summed up in the fifteen minute epilogue. Now, how do I choose a star rating for that? I'll go with 2.5 stars.

More reviews at my book blog TheBibliophage.com.

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is definitely more of a memoir, I would not call it a “field guide” or self-help book (it reads like a string of personal blog posts)

If you’re looking for guidance or actionable things you will likely be disappointed. You can pull things from between the lines but it’s not straight forward (To do that you’d need to be very familiar with all the other books and practices she loosely referenences like meditation, Eckart Tole, Brene Brown, and Byron Katie etc and have read HER past books)

I DID think it was cool that she did a 4th step on herself (chapter 11) and thought she had “the promises” the 12-step process makes as a result (having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps”). BASICALLY she did the 12-steps loosely on her own. There’s no other program that works, it’s what everybody does that succeeds.

I also love her honesty and vulnerability. Her transparent nature and willingness to share is beautiful. It helps the reader still suffering know they are not alone and that even after 35 years of therapy and work, she’s not “fixed” and accepts she won’t be. That this is her messy life.

I have recommend and found all her other books helpful but this one, while the premise is great, is not actionable or helpful for the reader though it does provide validation and give hope by seeing her experience. I sort of feel like it was a long speaker meeting in AA or ACA or Al-Anon or another 12-step meeting.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved and followed Geneen Roth since she first started sharing her ideas about intuitive eating in the 90's. Her approach to life and food has affected a tremendous amount of healing in my life over the years, and this book is no exception. I've been reading it very, very slowly, as it is so rich in flavor and content, that it's taking me a while to digest all of her wisdom properly. I highly recommend this wonderful, wise book for anyone who struggles with any aspect of feeling good about themselves. There is much to ponder here, and much to put into action. Geneen's singular wisdom and sensually descriptive writing style will be meaningful to so many. Great gift idea too! Our lives truly are messy, as the title suggests, yet also truly magnificent, and Geneen shows us how to maneuver gracefully between these two sides of life.

[Sue Fernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Scribner for an ARC of this title. I was fortunate enough to attend one of Geneen's workshops 21 years ago with my mom. It was quite enlightening. It's been years since I've thought about her...which is a shame. This book reminded me how much wisdom she can put in a book. I felt like I learned so much, I absorbed her words into my soul. Read this book....it's worth it.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoy Roth's self-help views (especially that our eating habits are so intertwined with how we feel about ourselves). However, I felt like this was pretty much the same book as "Women, Food, and God." There didn't seem to be any really groundbreaking insights that she hasn't already covered. It was an interesting read, but kinda the same old same old.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not really sure how I feel about this book. It was a quick read, and I did enjoy it. Structurally, it was not quite what I expected: more like a compilation of essays than an actual “chapter book.” That’s not meant as a criticism, as the book flowed well and everything was related, it simply had an effect on my experience of the book. Similarly, despite the fact that Geneen Roth also wrote “Women Food and God” (which I’ve not read), I did not expect (based on the source that led me to this book) there to be so much material (philosophically, more than quantity) related to women’s relationships to food.

Overall, it was a good experience and contained a few gems. I’m happy to have read it.

[Pam Cipkowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had never heard of or read anything by Geneen Roth before, but her premise of chucking the diet thing out the window and just being happy with yourself intrigued me. Let’s stop being lorded over and made unhappy by the dieting rules and torturous workout sessions: instead, be mindful and sensible, instead of letting life pass you by while you wait for your perfect self to emerge.

A little ways into the book, though, I almost closed it in horror at the idea that, “Waaaait a minute, I’ve stepped into something private here that isn’t really meant for me,” as she continued to allude to people’s relationship with food as a result of sexual trauma. After reading a few reviews by people who indicated they felt the same way, though, I was encouraged by those same reviews to keep reading, because “it gets better,” which it did.

Her writing is similar to that of Anne Lamott’s, who actually is a friend of Roth’s, and who wrote the introduction for this book. And there are quite a few gems here, amid her little vignettes and essays, that will make you stop and take pause. For example, in this—the era of the bucket list—her idea of not trying to do it all, but instead, simply be present in all you do, really hit home for me. (“I began to understand that the question wasn’t what I did, it was how. And it wasn’t about adding more big experiences—it was about showing up day to day.”)

Sometimes, though, I feel she is dripping with rich, white privilege (talk of trips to visit the Amazon to swim with pink dolphins, casual walks through forests of wild pale-yellow orchids, monthlong retreats with Thich Nhat Hanh, etc.) and it’s a little annoying, but she kept me reading. As she explains, while no self-help book or therapy experience is going to truly make it all better, you must learn to return to a place where you can trust that although you “might be bitter or hateful for a moment, it’s not the end of the world. There is love here. There is light and quiet here. There is peace.”

[Summer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in a day. I really needed to hear a bunch said in this book. In fact, I think any woman that has had something said to her that was damaging to her worth or had something damaging done to her body or some inappropriate touching, etc. should consider reading it. I have not had the later, but still needed to hear the things being said. Remembering to stay in the present and pay attention to internal thoughts, but then to let them go and not give them meaning were key points. I think it’s a fascinating book that had me tearing up at parts. I needed this book in the moment and feel it would be an encouragement to any woman. It goes into the somewhat taboo topic of why we overeat and how it has nothing to do with physical hunger. And in all aspects of life to daily practice being satisfied with what you have.

I LOVED her status on being an activist, and how she couldn’t do that because it ended up making her bitter, angry and mad... and how SO MANY women put the wrong emphasis on women’s issues that are not the root issue. I have been thinking and feeling this for years. We have our own unique power, we need to own it. That’s exactly what she encouraged. Even with that being said, it’s not a girl power book but a self-love-get-over-yourself-and-look-at-all-there-is-to-be-thankful-for-book. 💗

[Annagrace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book via Audible which I highly recommend as the author reads it and her voice and pacing are warm, tender, friendly.

The content is radical and specific and felt like a pick-ax on the frozen sea which currently covers my bruised heart. In a good way. In the way of everything truly kind which is radical to be offered, and the way of everything truly radical which is deep, bone-level kindness. How would we live if we believed there was nothing wrong with us? How would we participate in our lives if we stopped listening to the bully aunt in the attic (brain-only living) and instead lived from a deep well of joy (turning into, not away from, our bodies)? How joyful and free would we be if we stopped seeking new controlling overseers (diets, or in today’s parlance “eating plans”, or any other list of rules, really) to circumscribe our one and only wild lives into tiny little plots fenced with terror and addiction? This is a book of embrace and reconnection, an offer of curiosity; a book that wonders allowed what would happen to us if we stopped trying to fix or punish ourselves into submission, but lived radically tender lives in our brief moment on earth.

I want to give this book to every woman I know.

[Tiana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Maybe it’s generational but the annoyance I generally feel when reading authors from this demographic shakes me to my millennial core. Like I’m sorry you had to pack your valuable antiques from your trip to Kyoto in your car to escape a fire that might burn yr house down and it sucks that your doctor told you you were sick and you didn’t want to stay home. But I rent a shitty basement filled with trash and take the bus everywhere and I see a doctor only at planned parenthood and I don’t stay home even when I am sick because money, so that’s cool but I don’t relate so how exactly do I apply this advice I would like to know.
Also if I ever hear anyone refer to anyone as “X amount of pounds over their natural weight” irl I’ll murder them.

[Marta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Geneen Roth is a very good writer, so her books are always enjoyable.

I first read her 10 years ago and she was the gateway to letting go of dieting and making peace with your body. However, reading her now feels a bit regressive. She still focuses on being thin and weight loss. Several times she mentions comments from students in her workshops and without fail says what she thinks they weigh. It feels gross. If you suffer from or are recovering from an ED you'll want to skip this one.

Her work is valuable, but it feels stale and out of touch to me now. This book is a good stepping stone, but there are are lot of better options if you want to ditch dieting.

[Tamara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book pretty weird with a few tidbits I liked scattered throughout. I feel like I like the title and the jacket description better than the actual book.

[Diane Dachota · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, I have to admit I have a love/hate relationship with Geneen Roth. I love the way she advocates for woman to stop dieting, to stop hating themselves and to stop comparing themselves to others. On the other hand, I cannot forget some of her previous writing where she describes 130 pounds as fat and insists that when she was at that weight she was unforgivably fat. Most of us can only wish to be that fat and it shows that perhaps she really doesn't understand how women struggle with their bodies. I decided to give her another try though and I mostly enjoyed this book.

This book was very personal, essay type writing on Geneen's life and her neurotic personality, which she both accepts and learned to work with. I appreciate her suggestions on intuitive eating and not dieting although her advice does not take into account people who are obese and are suffering from medical issues. I would be interested in attending one of workshops though. Much of my good feelings for her come from her friendship with one of my favorite writers, Natalie Goldberg. I honestly can't remember too much about book even though I just finished it, but I can recommend it as being honest and friendly.

[Jess Macallan · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5 stars*

This collection of essays was the perfect read to kick off a new year. Geneen Roth has the kind of insightful, witty, and raw writing style I always find appealing in an inspirational book. She uses storytelling and truthtelling to dig into the heart of each essay to open readers' eyes to their own truths. This book will make you think about (and question) the stories you've created for yourself. Not with judgment or shame, but with honesty and acceptance. She invites you to own every imperfect bit of who you are. Yesterday's mindset doesn't have to be tomorrow's truth, and we can be messy and magnificent at the same time. If you've read and enjoyed Geneen's previous books, you'll enjoy this one.

I received an e-copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[May De Mendieta · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh .... I'm sure if you are struggling with this issues ( eating disorders, lost in life, etc) this can be a life-changing book but honestly, it didn't apply to my life and the Geneen was a little annoying to me TBH, it was just a book about her experiences and her friends experiences and somehow it didn't connect with me what so ever. cute book and the intention is cute but not for me I would like this maybe 3 years ago

[Leanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Geneen Roth has a way of breaking it down and busting it open that makes this book an absolute field guide for life. Chapter after chapter will have the reader saying, "me too."

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful guide to live an open liberated life.Gennen Roth’s real open honest advice.thanks to #Scribner #Net Galley.

[Erin Richards · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just found it to be a bit boring and the writing was a bit clunky for me.

[Katie Liestman · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s fitting that this is my 40th book to read; my original goal for 2019 was to read 40 🙌🏻🍾. I am someone who loves personal development, self-care and self-help books. I have tried to deny it because I see the black hole one can go down trying everyone’s philosophy of “don’t worry be happy” - always seeing the lack in oneself isn’t a joyful way to live. However I tend to find a nugget or two that are helpful to me, and I can discard the rest.

I wouldn’t put this book in that category. I would put this book in the “OMG I think my life just changed” category. I devoured this book in less than 24 hours because the stories she told were like inscriptions in my subconscious. The truth and profoundness of her wisdom and wit brought tears to my eyes and focus to my days and minutes.

Read this book. Then come talk to me about it.

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Geneen's main point is that people, particularly women, are allowed to take up and live in the space that they take up. It's simple, but life-altering at the same time. Her writing is easy to read, to the point, and funny when she wants to be.

3.7 stars because the content is so invaluable to people (like me) who struggle with feeling inadequate. But not more than that because her spiritual points, quotes and reinforcements are widespread, fairly shallow, and seemingly unrelated aside from her having collected them all here... It seems naive as well to think it could be this easy to make changes, but she does say in the prologue "It also challenges the conviction that everyday ease and freedom, no matter what the external situation, are reserved for the very few--that is, not for poor doomed Little Match Girl moi."

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about survivors, dieting & not dieting. Not familiar with Geneen Roth, her past, her mission, I didn't read the title as a survivors, dieting, not dieting book. I thought it might be something like messy magnificent lives to do with not bothering with decluttering, expecting sticky hands when the grandkids are over, kissing the flowerbed blooms good-bye when the kid next door is learning to mow.

That said, I did read it, and appreciate 1) Ms. Roth is sending out the message to stop it with the dieting, 2) that she got help for her submissive peeing dog and 3) the book isn't all that long, and I understand better why someone would have problems setting boundaries. So, not a bad thing.

[Elizabeth Good · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read most of Geneen's books, if not all. I remember going to see her as she published her first book, in her hometown where I live. There were maybe 10 of us, way back then!

I was really tiring of her books. Felt like they were self-absorbed and saying nothing new.

This one, though, I loved. My favorite of all of her books. Interestingly, my two therapists friends who treat a lot of eating disordered folks, liked it least. Perhaps they were looking to address that subject.

I just felt it was more mature and less self-involved than her others, very poetic and wise, about life and its vicissitudes and joys. And always that bit of humor, usually about her own self awareness or lack thereof. Good job, Geneen.

[Patrice M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved parts of this book, other parts I found annoying! But overall, I think the author has a significant message for anyone who struggles with self doubt ( Isn't that most all of us? ) And I DO agree with her idea that we really need to just stop and appreciate the world around us and be grateful for what we have.

[Katee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am not a fan of Eckhart Tolle, and I am really not a fan of Byron Katie, and this book leans heavily on both. While you may reach some peace by basically not caring about anything, it's not the most human or humane way to live.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Obnoxious writing (and parenthetical asides) didn't obscure some good examples of mindfulness while healing our wounds.

[Kendra Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

So stupid

[Jude (HeyJudeReads) Fricano · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like it. Even though I'd read a review that it was light on new material from her previous book. I have enjoyed her book circuit podcast interviews she's done.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Geneen Roth is a cheerleader for self-love and the importance of positive self-talk. This is a good book to read if you need to be reminded of both.