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247 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2014
I do not believe in technique or schools or sissies…I believe in grasping at the curtains like a drunken monk…and tearing them down, down, down…
I can't stand writers or editors or anybody who wants to talk Art. For 3 years I lived in a skid row hotel—before my hemorrhage—and got drunk every night with an x-con, the hotel maid, an Indian, a gal who looked like she wore a wig but didn't, and 3 or 4 drifters. Nobody knew Shostakovich from Shelley Winters and we didn't give a damn. The main thing was sending runners out for liquor when we ran dry.
I think I could come on pretty heavy. I can toss vocabulary like torn-up mutual tickets, but I think eventually the words that will be saved are the small stone-like words that are said and meant. When men really mean something they don't say it in 14 letter words. Ask any woman. They know.
Besides, it pays to be crude, buddy, it PAYS. When these women who have read my poetry knock on my door and I ask them in and pour them a drink, and we talk about Brahms or Carrington or Flash Gordon, they know all along that it is GOING TO HAPPEN, and that makes all the talk nice
because pretty soon the bastard is just going
to walk over and grab me
and get started
because he's been around
he's CRUDE
And so, since they expect it, I do it, and this gets a lot of barriers and small-talk out of the way fast. Women like bulls, children, apes. The pretty boys and the expounders upon the universe don't stand a chance. They end up jacking-off in the closet.
There's a guy down at work, he says, “I recite Shakespeare to them.”
He's still a virgin. They know he's scared. Well, we're all scared but we go ahead.
There have been some breakthroughs through the centuries, of course—Dos[toyevsky], Celine, early Hem[ingway], early Camus, the short stories of Turgenev, and there was Knut Hamsun—Hunger, all of it—Kafka, and the prowling pre-revolutionary Gorky…a few others…but most of it has been a terrible bag of shit.
A writer is not a writer because he has written some books. A writer is not a writer because he teaches literature. A writer is only a writer if he can write now, tonight, this minute.
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When you write only to get famous you shit it away. I don't want to make rules but if there is one it is: the only writers who write well are those who must write in order not to go mad.
And when you can't come up with the next line, it doesn't mean you're old, it means you're dead. It's all right to be dead, it happens. I yearn for a postponement, though, as do all of us. One more sheet of paper into this machine, under this hot desk lamp, stuck within the wine, re-lighting these cigarette stubs […]. This is a life beyond all mortal and moral considerations. This is it. Fixed like this. And when my skeleton rests upon the bottom of the casket, should I have that, nothing will be able to subtract from these splendid nights, sitting here at this machine.
