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Shunned: How I Lost My Religion and Found Myself
Linda Curtis was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and is an unquestioning true believer who has knocked on doors from the time she was nine years old. Like other Witnesses, she has been discouraged from pursuing a career, higher education, or even voting, and her friendships are limited to the Witness community.
Then one day, at age thirty-three, she knocks on a door — and a coworker she deeply respects answers the door. To their mutual consternation she launches into her usual spiel, but this time, for the first time ever, the message sounds hollow. In the months that follow, Curtis tries hard to overcome the doubts that spring from that doorstep encounter, knowing they could upend her "safe" existence. But ultimately, unable to reconcile her incredulity, she leaves her religion and divorces her Witness husband — a choice for which she is shunned by the entire community, including all members of her immediate family.
Shunned follows Linda as she steps into a world she was taught to fear and discovers what is possible when we stay true to our hearts, even when it means disappointing those we love.
Then one day, at age thirty-three, she knocks on a door — and a coworker she deeply respects answers the door. To their mutual consternation she launches into her usual spiel, but this time, for the first time ever, the message sounds hollow. In the months that follow, Curtis tries hard to overcome the doubts that spring from that doorstep encounter, knowing they could upend her "safe" existence. But ultimately, unable to reconcile her incredulity, she leaves her religion and divorces her Witness husband — a choice for which she is shunned by the entire community, including all members of her immediate family.
Shunned follows Linda as she steps into a world she was taught to fear and discovers what is possible when we stay true to our hearts, even when it means disappointing those we love.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2018
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1079 people want to read
About the author
Linda A. Curtis
4 books13 followersLinda Curtis is an executive consultant, speaker, and mindfulness teacher who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. Since 2003 she has consulted with hundreds of successful entrepreneurs, leaders, C-suite executives, and their teams. Her client list includes MasterCard, RSF Social Finance, NASDAQ, and KPMG. She serves on the core faculty of the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute (SIYLI.org), the groundbreaking mindfulness and emotional intelligence program developed at Google. She teaches their Search Inside Yourself course around the world at organizations including Google, Red Bull, L’Oreal, Vanderbilt University, Genentech, and LinkedIn.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 133 reviews
April 29, 2018
I found a lot of resonance in this book, about a woman who doesn't walk away from being a Jehovah's Witness until she is in her 30s. She grew up in the same county in Oregon as me, which makes me wonder if she knew my friends, especially those who were active JWs outside of school but never copped to it during.
I didn't know that JWs had a disfellowship practice: leaving the church essentially means leaving your family too. I felt that Linda Curtis did an effective job at bringing the narrator into those situations and feeling the awful dilemma between being who you are and losing everything you have.
Thanks to the publisher for providing early access to this title through Edelweiss. It came out April 17, 2018.
I didn't know that JWs had a disfellowship practice: leaving the church essentially means leaving your family too. I felt that Linda Curtis did an effective job at bringing the narrator into those situations and feeling the awful dilemma between being who you are and losing everything you have.
Thanks to the publisher for providing early access to this title through Edelweiss. It came out April 17, 2018.
March 29, 2018
Linda Curtis was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and everyone she loved—her friends, her family—shared her faith, as did the man she eventually married. She belief was strong until she was in her early thirties, when doubts crept in and she begins to question everything she'd ever believed to be true. Over time, Linda's questions grew, and her faith in the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses faded. Much to the dismay of her husband, friends, and family Linda chose to leave the religion, as well as her marriage—which resulted with her being shunned by everyone she cared about. Despite the pain of her severed relationships, Linda stayed firm in her decision, and set out to discover life anew, free of the limitations imposed by her former religion.
I've read a few books on this subject, but the religion in question has always been the FLDS (Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). I have others that focus on different religions, but I haven't read them yet, so Shunned marks the first time I read something different on this subject.
I briefly studied with Jehovah's Witnesses, and attended the Kingdom Hall a few times when I was younger. I ultimately gave it up when I realized I strongly disagreed with certain tenets and practices of the faith. One of the things that bothered me is the practice of shunning, so when I saw this book I immediately wanted to read it.
It was heartbreaking to read how Curtis' family caught off all but the most necessary contact with her, when they were previously a close and loving family. It took a lot of courage and immeasurable inner strength for her to follow her heart in the face of the psychological bullying she endured.
As I read this book, I felt three emotions more than any others: Anger at the callous way her family treated her. Heavy sadness over the pain she was feeling at the loss of her friends and family. Last, but not least, an overall sense of awe and admiration over the way she stayed true to herself, no matter the personal cost.
If you're interested in memoirs written by people who left their religion, then you'll probably want to add this one to your reading list.
I received an advance review copy of this book courtesy of She Writes Press via Edelweiss.
I've read a few books on this subject, but the religion in question has always been the FLDS (Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). I have others that focus on different religions, but I haven't read them yet, so Shunned marks the first time I read something different on this subject.
I briefly studied with Jehovah's Witnesses, and attended the Kingdom Hall a few times when I was younger. I ultimately gave it up when I realized I strongly disagreed with certain tenets and practices of the faith. One of the things that bothered me is the practice of shunning, so when I saw this book I immediately wanted to read it.
It was heartbreaking to read how Curtis' family caught off all but the most necessary contact with her, when they were previously a close and loving family. It took a lot of courage and immeasurable inner strength for her to follow her heart in the face of the psychological bullying she endured.
As I read this book, I felt three emotions more than any others: Anger at the callous way her family treated her. Heavy sadness over the pain she was feeling at the loss of her friends and family. Last, but not least, an overall sense of awe and admiration over the way she stayed true to herself, no matter the personal cost.
If you're interested in memoirs written by people who left their religion, then you'll probably want to add this one to your reading list.
I received an advance review copy of this book courtesy of She Writes Press via Edelweiss.
March 3, 2018
This book was fantastic!!!😍 It was beautifully written and powerful! As someone who lost themselves and was hurt because of being kicked out of my church, I could relate in some ways to this book. I loved and appreciated the honesty this book had to offer and I highly recommend this book to others!
November 10, 2023
I'm really glad that Linda A. Curtis left the JWs and found her own way, especially later in life when she was already married, all of her family was in it etc. It was very brave of her and I commend her for it.
But as a book, there were parts of this that weren't all that interesting. I really, really didn't care about her job which she talked so much about. I also didn't particularly care to know the details about all the men she dated.
I wanted to know more about the Witnesses, and a bit more about how she dealt with the shunning.
Another review said how her leaving the Witnesses was the "periphery" to her story, and I agree. It felt like it was simply a stepping stone, and I expected it to play a much better role than it did. That's all really.
3.5
But as a book, there were parts of this that weren't all that interesting. I really, really didn't care about her job which she talked so much about. I also didn't particularly care to know the details about all the men she dated.
I wanted to know more about the Witnesses, and a bit more about how she dealt with the shunning.
Another review said how her leaving the Witnesses was the "periphery" to her story, and I agree. It felt like it was simply a stepping stone, and I expected it to play a much better role than it did. That's all really.
3.5
June 1, 2018
The first half of the book drew me in as Linda explained her crisis of faith. But the second half was full of lengthy explanations of day to day, month to month activities. It was rambling at times which made it difficult to get through.
April 18, 2018
Most books that I have read about those leaving their childhood religions have been by those raised as Ultra-Orthodox Jews. Thus, this book was an interesting change. Linda Curtis grew up in a Jehovah’s Witness family. While her father was not a member of the faith when she was growing up, all other family members were dedicated followers. Even as an adult, Ms. Curtis did not question her religious beliefs until the day a well-respected colleague answered the door while she was out spreading the word. Her religion was known in the office, so it wasn't a problem with her being "found out" or anything, but a problem with what she was telling him. Namely, that she was basically telling him things she could no longer believe herself, such as he was going to be damned if he didn't become a Jehovah's Witness. Who was she to tell him that?
Adding to her doubts about her faith, was the nagging feeling that she was sick and tired of having to spend all her free time on religious matters. Yes, her moorings were slipping big time. This led to her leaving her faith, leaving her home, leaving her state and leaving her husband. Only, her husband, a devout Jehovah's Witness, could not remarry unless one of them confessed to adultery. Although the author soon became involved with other men after leaving her husband, she would not confess because then she would be disfellowshipped, for not being repentant. That would lead to her being cut off from her family. She eventually confesses, though, and life goes on for everyone.
It was then that I started losing interest in the memoir. I wished the author had condensed the rest of her life story. I know that sounds unkind, but it was hard to stay interested. Moreover, it was disturbing to read that at one time in her new life she was sleeping with five different men, and had no real concerns about that matter. It's interesting, though, how many who flee childhood religions that were morally very strict, often go off in the extreme opposite direction as adults; thinking there is nothing wrong with their new behavior, as if it's normal behavior for those not belonging to strict religions. But it was her life to live as she saw fit, and she did not end up totally shunned by all. She just had to accept you can only control your own thoughts and behavior, not the thoughts and behavior of others. And isn't that why she left the faith? She could no longer believe and accept others had the right to tell her how to think and act, and how to spend her time and life.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the author or publisher.)
Adding to her doubts about her faith, was the nagging feeling that she was sick and tired of having to spend all her free time on religious matters. Yes, her moorings were slipping big time. This led to her leaving her faith, leaving her home, leaving her state and leaving her husband. Only, her husband, a devout Jehovah's Witness, could not remarry unless one of them confessed to adultery. Although the author soon became involved with other men after leaving her husband, she would not confess because then she would be disfellowshipped, for not being repentant. That would lead to her being cut off from her family. She eventually confesses, though, and life goes on for everyone.
It was then that I started losing interest in the memoir. I wished the author had condensed the rest of her life story. I know that sounds unkind, but it was hard to stay interested. Moreover, it was disturbing to read that at one time in her new life she was sleeping with five different men, and had no real concerns about that matter. It's interesting, though, how many who flee childhood religions that were morally very strict, often go off in the extreme opposite direction as adults; thinking there is nothing wrong with their new behavior, as if it's normal behavior for those not belonging to strict religions. But it was her life to live as she saw fit, and she did not end up totally shunned by all. She just had to accept you can only control your own thoughts and behavior, not the thoughts and behavior of others. And isn't that why she left the faith? She could no longer believe and accept others had the right to tell her how to think and act, and how to spend her time and life.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the author or publisher.)
August 10, 2018
This book reaffirms my personal belief that a religion in which you ostracize a family member or friend for no longer practicing/believing is not the religion for me. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this memoir, even if I did think Linda was far too brief in the last two sections. It opened my eyes to the inside world of Jehovah's Witness and not a bad way. I applaud Linda for continually loving the world and people in which she raised, even when she no longer believed in it.
I had a hard time reading how both she and her family struggled with her shunning, you could tell how much love was in their family and the effects the separation had on them all was not easy, especially as her parents aged. Overall it was a well written book that made me think and gave me a lot to digest which is never a bad thing. 4 stars
I had a hard time reading how both she and her family struggled with her shunning, you could tell how much love was in their family and the effects the separation had on them all was not easy, especially as her parents aged. Overall it was a well written book that made me think and gave me a lot to digest which is never a bad thing. 4 stars
September 16, 2021
I relate very closely to her story, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it here. I think it was very courageous of her to share everything that she went through, not may of us find the words or the bravery to express what we have experience being a JW. I still have difficulty talking about it, let alone writing it for public exposure. For that I admire her a lot and wish I could have half the energy that she has to succeed as she did.
I have many thoughts about the book, things I liked and things I didn't, but I don't feel like talking about it. Doing so, would betray my previous statement. Enough to say that the book is a very accurate representation of what is like to be a JW and what is like to leave that community. The difference is that she was able to fill the spiritual void, some of us prefer to stay in the shadows and are afraid to look for that type of fulfillment.
I have many thoughts about the book, things I liked and things I didn't, but I don't feel like talking about it. Doing so, would betray my previous statement. Enough to say that the book is a very accurate representation of what is like to be a JW and what is like to leave that community. The difference is that she was able to fill the spiritual void, some of us prefer to stay in the shadows and are afraid to look for that type of fulfillment.
December 6, 2018
This was an excellent view into the worldview of a Jehovah's Witness. I could actually place myself in the shoes of a JW, though I'm not sure if that's because of my mormon background or Linda's excellent writing. I was able to learn things from this book that I wasn't able to from lurking r/exjw.
December 14, 2021
i always struggle with rating memoirs because it feels like i shouldn’t rate someone else’s experience. but i guess it’s more like rating the writing & if the author succeeded in achieving what they were trying to achieve.
this book resonated with me not because i’m a witness or believe in god (i am not a witness & never have been, and am generally agnostic), but because her determination to feel truly alive & experience joy in all moments of life were truly invigorating at times. it made me self-reflect quite a bit on how i’d like to be able to appreciate the little things more, work on my self-love & self-care practices, and really get in touch with who i am.
3.5 stars, rounded up.
this book resonated with me not because i’m a witness or believe in god (i am not a witness & never have been, and am generally agnostic), but because her determination to feel truly alive & experience joy in all moments of life were truly invigorating at times. it made me self-reflect quite a bit on how i’d like to be able to appreciate the little things more, work on my self-love & self-care practices, and really get in touch with who i am.
3.5 stars, rounded up.
December 4, 2020
What an incredible book. While I do not agree with everything the author does, this is quite a phenomenal book.
June 9, 2024
Shunned was the sadly predictable and often times infuriating story of Linda Curtis' leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses and the personal repercussions she faced living amongst who they called the rest of us: "worldly people". I really enjoy these "leaving the faith" books as I admire the strength of the person rejecting supernaturalism and it's always fun to compare experiences.
Indoctrinated from birth and forced to knock on doors to convert the rest of us before becoming a teenager, Linda Curtis was told that the end of the world was looming and the non-Witnesses would be taken straight to hell when the four horsemen showed up. Witness women like Linda were discouraged from having a career amongst the worldly and higher education was definitely not welcome as it could lead you away from Jehovah. Isn't it funny how some believers become educated in how the world really works and come to the conclusion that their isn't any need for supernatural beliefs (raises hand). Indoctrination can be a hard obstacle to overcome.
As Linda eventually became educated and made friends with worldly people she realized that she just could no longer believe in the rabid fundamental beliefs of the Witnesses or that her friends were going to hell because they didn't believe in Jehovah. Eventually she followed her head and left the Witnesses, with the result being shunned by one and all, including close friends and family, as is the standard protocol. Linda landed a good job amongst the worldly in Chicago and started a new life there which helped he put her past life in Portland, Oregon behind her.
Linda's family consisted of her mom, dad, a brother, and sister; all Witnesses. While her parents and sister did not completely break off contact with her, Linda was determined to maintain a relationship with her family. Contact was very limited and her mother wouldn't give Linda information about family or friends back home unless Linda came back to Jehovah. The whole family dynamic, including the relationship with her Witness ex-husband, was interesting to watch evolve over the course of Linda's life. The behavior of the Witness was absolutely maddening, and I think any non-Witness would agree that is was hateful and pathetic. Choosing dogma over family is hard to fathom.
Funny, since the pandemic the Witnesses no longer ring our doorbell (I kind of wish they would!) but instead a couple times a year I get a hand-written letter and The Watchtower in the mail. It's all very interesting. I just can't believe in this day and age this organization can have such naïve views of how the world works and what happens after we die if we follow Jehovah. Comforting lies > reality.
I listened to this on Audible and didn't realize until after it was over that it was not narrated by Linda herself, but by Emily Ellet who did a great job reading her story and emoting in the right spots. Linda has a few videos on YouTube, including one in which she reads from this book. Good stuff.
4.5 stars.
Indoctrinated from birth and forced to knock on doors to convert the rest of us before becoming a teenager, Linda Curtis was told that the end of the world was looming and the non-Witnesses would be taken straight to hell when the four horsemen showed up. Witness women like Linda were discouraged from having a career amongst the worldly and higher education was definitely not welcome as it could lead you away from Jehovah. Isn't it funny how some believers become educated in how the world really works and come to the conclusion that their isn't any need for supernatural beliefs (raises hand). Indoctrination can be a hard obstacle to overcome.
As Linda eventually became educated and made friends with worldly people she realized that she just could no longer believe in the rabid fundamental beliefs of the Witnesses or that her friends were going to hell because they didn't believe in Jehovah. Eventually she followed her head and left the Witnesses, with the result being shunned by one and all, including close friends and family, as is the standard protocol. Linda landed a good job amongst the worldly in Chicago and started a new life there which helped he put her past life in Portland, Oregon behind her.
Linda's family consisted of her mom, dad, a brother, and sister; all Witnesses. While her parents and sister did not completely break off contact with her, Linda was determined to maintain a relationship with her family. Contact was very limited and her mother wouldn't give Linda information about family or friends back home unless Linda came back to Jehovah. The whole family dynamic, including the relationship with her Witness ex-husband, was interesting to watch evolve over the course of Linda's life. The behavior of the Witness was absolutely maddening, and I think any non-Witness would agree that is was hateful and pathetic. Choosing dogma over family is hard to fathom.
Funny, since the pandemic the Witnesses no longer ring our doorbell (I kind of wish they would!) but instead a couple times a year I get a hand-written letter and The Watchtower in the mail. It's all very interesting. I just can't believe in this day and age this organization can have such naïve views of how the world works and what happens after we die if we follow Jehovah. Comforting lies > reality.
I listened to this on Audible and didn't realize until after it was over that it was not narrated by Linda herself, but by Emily Ellet who did a great job reading her story and emoting in the right spots. Linda has a few videos on YouTube, including one in which she reads from this book. Good stuff.
4.5 stars.
June 25, 2018
I read this to jog my own memory of my childhood as a Jehovah's Witness. This is well-written and interesting if you like memoirs and especially ones of faith and finding one's self.
July 25, 2024
Reading this book made me feel so seen. This is my lived experience. Her honesty in the roller coaster of emotions when leaving this religion is dead on and very well written. Her family’s repeated attempts to return and all the phrases they use, it’s so accurate. I appreciate her candor and honesty in describing it all. Bob sounded like such a lovely soul and I’m so happy she got those 8 years with him.
February 12, 2023
Zero stars--incredibly boring book in which literally nothing happens beyond a woman lying to the husband she divorces and leaving her ashamed religious family that then won't talk to her much for a few years. The title is misleading--if you think this is like the Amish rejecting a wild teenager that embraces the world or Scientologists going after those that turn away from the organization, then you'll be extremely disappointed. There is almost no real shunning that occurs in this book.
It's poorly over-written with all sorts of minor unimportant details or feelings, setting up lengthy introductions to stories that have no dramatic element, while failing to provide some of the major information we need about the Jehovah's Witness group or even the author's own life. She makes many decisions that lack sense because we haven't been given enough details about how she was raised, what their faith teaches, or what actually happens in her life.
Then she summarizes a ten-year period in less than two pages, which just adds to the frustration. I'm still not even sure why exactly she left the Jehovah's Witnesses or ended her marriage because those are never really explained beyond the stupid statement, "When will this community realize that boredom and unhappiness can be enough of a reason to end a marriage?" How shallow and selfish of Linda Curtis.
Ultimately she appears to be trying to use the book to simply promote a liberal feminist agenda and bland spirituality that makes Jesus equal to other earthly leaders, but in all of it she fails. If anything she manages to make Jehovah's Witnesses look human and caring despite their cultlike actions. I had no idea they drank so much and did pretty much everything normal people do, while claiming to be separated from the world.
The Jehovah's Witness theology is hardly traditional Christianity while they claim to be the only true Christians that have the total "Truth," rejecting anyone outside their narrow false interpretations of the Bible. They are surprisingly close to Catholicism (which also condemns divorce, "shuns" sinners with excommunication, and claims to be the one true church that is the holder of all God's truth).
Who really looks bad in this memoir is the author. Her lying, deception, unashamed promiscuity (juggling five guys she sleeps with regularly), and haughty attitude make her an unlikeable heroine to this story. Never does she apologize for any of the hurt she causes others. If anything she's proof that you can't trust rebels with bland mixed-up spirituality which honors the creatures instead of the creator.
There is so little to this story it could have been summarized in a magazine article or even a few Wikipedia paragraphs. While she wants to claim that she was rejected by her family, in truth she is the one who rejected them, her husband, and her church.
Today she is a "master mindfulness teacher" and her second husband was a Buddhist who was on the executive team of cult-like EST. None of that is an improvement on being a Jehovah's Witness. Based on what's written here, Linda Curtis should have shunned it all and found the real Biblical truth in a God very different from the one any of them preach.
It's poorly over-written with all sorts of minor unimportant details or feelings, setting up lengthy introductions to stories that have no dramatic element, while failing to provide some of the major information we need about the Jehovah's Witness group or even the author's own life. She makes many decisions that lack sense because we haven't been given enough details about how she was raised, what their faith teaches, or what actually happens in her life.
Then she summarizes a ten-year period in less than two pages, which just adds to the frustration. I'm still not even sure why exactly she left the Jehovah's Witnesses or ended her marriage because those are never really explained beyond the stupid statement, "When will this community realize that boredom and unhappiness can be enough of a reason to end a marriage?" How shallow and selfish of Linda Curtis.
Ultimately she appears to be trying to use the book to simply promote a liberal feminist agenda and bland spirituality that makes Jesus equal to other earthly leaders, but in all of it she fails. If anything she manages to make Jehovah's Witnesses look human and caring despite their cultlike actions. I had no idea they drank so much and did pretty much everything normal people do, while claiming to be separated from the world.
The Jehovah's Witness theology is hardly traditional Christianity while they claim to be the only true Christians that have the total "Truth," rejecting anyone outside their narrow false interpretations of the Bible. They are surprisingly close to Catholicism (which also condemns divorce, "shuns" sinners with excommunication, and claims to be the one true church that is the holder of all God's truth).
Who really looks bad in this memoir is the author. Her lying, deception, unashamed promiscuity (juggling five guys she sleeps with regularly), and haughty attitude make her an unlikeable heroine to this story. Never does she apologize for any of the hurt she causes others. If anything she's proof that you can't trust rebels with bland mixed-up spirituality which honors the creatures instead of the creator.
There is so little to this story it could have been summarized in a magazine article or even a few Wikipedia paragraphs. While she wants to claim that she was rejected by her family, in truth she is the one who rejected them, her husband, and her church.
Today she is a "master mindfulness teacher" and her second husband was a Buddhist who was on the executive team of cult-like EST. None of that is an improvement on being a Jehovah's Witness. Based on what's written here, Linda Curtis should have shunned it all and found the real Biblical truth in a God very different from the one any of them preach.
May 23, 2019
A missed opportunity
As a disfellowshipped Jehovah’s Witness myself I was interested in the author’s experiences in leaving the religion. It is unfortunate that her story reads like a badly written, staged melodrama. I lost track of the times she quotes herself saying “ Now, Mother...” In response to something her Witness parent has said. Always ready with a pithy, “insightful” quote or epiphany the author’s prose sounds, oddly enough, not all that dissimilar from the tone and language of the Witnesses and Watchtower Bible and Tract Society themselves. A disappointing, grating read.
As a disfellowshipped Jehovah’s Witness myself I was interested in the author’s experiences in leaving the religion. It is unfortunate that her story reads like a badly written, staged melodrama. I lost track of the times she quotes herself saying “ Now, Mother...” In response to something her Witness parent has said. Always ready with a pithy, “insightful” quote or epiphany the author’s prose sounds, oddly enough, not all that dissimilar from the tone and language of the Witnesses and Watchtower Bible and Tract Society themselves. A disappointing, grating read.
June 29, 2024
I find any story of a person leaving the religion they were raised in fascinating and I realized how little I knew of Jehovah’s Witness before reading this. I actually didn’t realize they followed the same Bible I had growing up in evangelical Christianity (I think I may have confused it with Mormonism) - I thought the way evangelicals interpreted the scriptures sometimes was hypocritical and messed up but JWs take it to a new level with the shunning. It still confuses me how they don’t shun family who have never been JW but only those who left the faith.
Linda’s story included a few too many unnecessary details but I mostly found it quite interesting. I wanted to shake her family at times because I just couldn’t believe how insane they were being and was so frustrated that they never fully came around.
Linda’s story included a few too many unnecessary details but I mostly found it quite interesting. I wanted to shake her family at times because I just couldn’t believe how insane they were being and was so frustrated that they never fully came around.
September 14, 2025
My heart goes out to this author as someone that grew up in this cult/religion. It’s a rough process to leave when it was the only bubble you ever knew. I appreciated how level headed she was and the straight forward style of writing for this memoir. My eyes filled with tears at the end.
April 24, 2023
I picked the perfect weekend to listen to this book, I couldn’t stop. I am suddenly so much more grateful for the family I have.
January 31, 2024
Very interesting in the beginning of the end the middle drags but overall an interesting memoir of a situation that has a mother I simply can't imagine.
April 21, 2024
Well written and the audio book performer was one of the best I've ever heard.
April 18, 2018
I suspect many people (myself included) have little concept of the religious tenets of the Jehovah's Witnesses. You know, those well-dressed folk who come to the door at the exact wrong moment, to push "The Watchtower" magazine in your face, who placidly accept "No thank you" or even "Go Away!!!" wearing an air of superiority as they preach at you.
Annoyance is one of the mildest reactions. Members of the sect were killed by the Nazis, and suffered persecution in many countries, including the United States. They are not simply faux Mormon who drink and don't celebrate Christmas. Yet Linda A. Curtis's Shunned: How I Lost My Religion and Found Myself opened my eyes.
Curtis, born into The Truth, as Witnesses call their faith, was fully indoctrinated in her early life. She willingly, even happily, accepts her place as a second-class citizen (all women are), attends lengthy services, and yes, rings doorbells with alacrity. Until the day she finds herself face to face with a co-worker, a man she knows as a nice, decent man, even admirable. Hardly missing a beat, she responds to his polite curiosity by informing him that he, and all unbelievers, will be destroyed by God as all authority on earth is replaced with Witnesses. "Destroyed" is the word that ultimately trips Curtis up.
Gradually, she asks herself the kind of questions that no true believers of any stripe can tolerate: "Who am I to predict the destruction of this man? How can I set myself apart and above from my neighbors, even from strangers? Why am I right, and all these other people wrong?"
She struggles with the answers, deciding to become "inactive" and divorce her husband. This is a big—but not devastating—step for a Witness. The sect does not recognize divorce: until one party admits to adultery (or dies) neither spouse can remarry in the eyes of the faithful. Curtis is still considered both married and a Witness. Witnesses can still socialize and communicate with her. The next step is being "disfellowshipped," after which Witnesses are expected to shun her. Taken to extremes, this means that Curtis's own parents and siblings might have nothing to do with her. Her brother doesn't wait for the formal rite: he refuses to speak to her, even over the telephone.
Simply telling the elders that she does not want to be a member is not enough to warrant disfellowship. Curtis submits to a face-to-face hearing before three elders, in which she admits adultery. After that, the elders expel her from the sect. Only then, can her husband be "free" and the divorce recognized. It is a brave move, which Curtis could have avoided by simply sending a letter, but she wanted the catharsis, the clean break. A less self-aware woman may have claimed to have acted for the benefit of her ex-husband, but she does not. She revels in her sense of closure.
Fortunately, her parents do not completely shun her, although their relationship is severely strained.
In telling her story, Curtis does not paint herself as a person of high moral virtue or profound courage. In fact, when her husband asks if there is anyone else, she truthfully says "No." She doesn't leave the Witnesses because she has accepted another version of The Truth, or even atheism. There is no other man, nothing earth-shattering that pulls her from the life she has always known. She explores other belief systems and religions, methodically. She rises in her career, remarries, and enjoys the "Death Exemption"—an informal lifting of the shunning during illnesses and funerals.
The story is compelling in its simplicity. There is a lack of artifice, and perhaps, drama as Curtis shares her experience. A few moments strike an off-chord—Curtis's dialogue reads too perfectly, everyone using impeccable grammar, and Curtis herself always upright, sure of herself, and unrepentant. Her choice of words can be wooden—she uses "riant" to mean "cheerful." ("We couldn't recapture our riant mode") and speaks of her boyfriends' "adoration"—which makes some of the book seem a trifle too self-satisfied.
Still, it is an enjoyable read about an interesting woman, and well worth the effort.
by D Ferrara
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
Annoyance is one of the mildest reactions. Members of the sect were killed by the Nazis, and suffered persecution in many countries, including the United States. They are not simply faux Mormon who drink and don't celebrate Christmas. Yet Linda A. Curtis's Shunned: How I Lost My Religion and Found Myself opened my eyes.
Curtis, born into The Truth, as Witnesses call their faith, was fully indoctrinated in her early life. She willingly, even happily, accepts her place as a second-class citizen (all women are), attends lengthy services, and yes, rings doorbells with alacrity. Until the day she finds herself face to face with a co-worker, a man she knows as a nice, decent man, even admirable. Hardly missing a beat, she responds to his polite curiosity by informing him that he, and all unbelievers, will be destroyed by God as all authority on earth is replaced with Witnesses. "Destroyed" is the word that ultimately trips Curtis up.
Gradually, she asks herself the kind of questions that no true believers of any stripe can tolerate: "Who am I to predict the destruction of this man? How can I set myself apart and above from my neighbors, even from strangers? Why am I right, and all these other people wrong?"
She struggles with the answers, deciding to become "inactive" and divorce her husband. This is a big—but not devastating—step for a Witness. The sect does not recognize divorce: until one party admits to adultery (or dies) neither spouse can remarry in the eyes of the faithful. Curtis is still considered both married and a Witness. Witnesses can still socialize and communicate with her. The next step is being "disfellowshipped," after which Witnesses are expected to shun her. Taken to extremes, this means that Curtis's own parents and siblings might have nothing to do with her. Her brother doesn't wait for the formal rite: he refuses to speak to her, even over the telephone.
Simply telling the elders that she does not want to be a member is not enough to warrant disfellowship. Curtis submits to a face-to-face hearing before three elders, in which she admits adultery. After that, the elders expel her from the sect. Only then, can her husband be "free" and the divorce recognized. It is a brave move, which Curtis could have avoided by simply sending a letter, but she wanted the catharsis, the clean break. A less self-aware woman may have claimed to have acted for the benefit of her ex-husband, but she does not. She revels in her sense of closure.
Fortunately, her parents do not completely shun her, although their relationship is severely strained.
In telling her story, Curtis does not paint herself as a person of high moral virtue or profound courage. In fact, when her husband asks if there is anyone else, she truthfully says "No." She doesn't leave the Witnesses because she has accepted another version of The Truth, or even atheism. There is no other man, nothing earth-shattering that pulls her from the life she has always known. She explores other belief systems and religions, methodically. She rises in her career, remarries, and enjoys the "Death Exemption"—an informal lifting of the shunning during illnesses and funerals.
The story is compelling in its simplicity. There is a lack of artifice, and perhaps, drama as Curtis shares her experience. A few moments strike an off-chord—Curtis's dialogue reads too perfectly, everyone using impeccable grammar, and Curtis herself always upright, sure of herself, and unrepentant. Her choice of words can be wooden—she uses "riant" to mean "cheerful." ("We couldn't recapture our riant mode") and speaks of her boyfriends' "adoration"—which makes some of the book seem a trifle too self-satisfied.
Still, it is an enjoyable read about an interesting woman, and well worth the effort.
by D Ferrara
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
October 13, 2019
There were a few passages I skipped through, mainly of the author's search for a different spiritual path, but I suspect that's more because of my own agnosticism than a problem with the author's writing.
I found this a very moving book, and knowing a JW couple in real life, I find some of their ways nothing short of extraordinary compared with what *I* would term a "normal" life.
I was left feeling that there is little difference between JW & Scientology when it comes to someone wanting to leave the religion, or turning against it.
I found this a very moving book, and knowing a JW couple in real life, I find some of their ways nothing short of extraordinary compared with what *I* would term a "normal" life.
I was left feeling that there is little difference between JW & Scientology when it comes to someone wanting to leave the religion, or turning against it.
August 10, 2024
Let me tell you about my dad. He lived 81 years and some change. He lived in an orphanage as a kid. He chose typing and home-ec in high school instead of auto mechanics because he wanted to meet girls. Then, in what ended up being something like out of a movie, He was cleaning latrines with a toothbrush as an enlisted man in the military when he answered a call for anyone who could type to please consider a different career track.
He found himself transcribing letters for officers, taking minutes in meetings, and otherwise doing all sorts of clerical tasks. This means he got to be in the room while history was being made. He got to hear his captain begging to be allowed to assist the Cuban rebels that were left stranded with no support at the Bay of Pigs.
He pulled astronauts from the sea when they would splash down.
He was held hostage in a coup attempt at the King of Morocco’s birthday party. He escaped and gathered with other escapees in Die Hard like attempt to free the rest. That didn’t work out real well, but he and most of the others he was with did survive.
He was there with the Delta Force operatives that later died trying to rescue the US hostages in Iran. He wintered in Antarctica. He went to spy school. He got high with criminals, he visited all the continents, he met kings and CEOs. He worked on Wall Street.
I could barely mention a place on earth that he hadn’t been to, visited, lived in, or could tell an incredible story about. He was like Forest Gump, without the low IQ.
I begged him to write a memoir. His stories to me were a hodgepodge of wild and crazy moments. but were hard to parse though. I tried to present him with timelines, I offered to help him ghost write it, I gave him outline ideas. He was excited about it for a time, but in the end, he decided not to. That he wanted to make new memories, not dwell on old ones.
So, after he died, I spent weeks pouring over his old stuff, medals from the military, school records, I found decades of letters he wrote home while living abroad, I found all sorts of documentation that certainly helped make sense of some of what he did. But a lot of what happened in his life will always be a mystery to me.
I, however, have led no such life to excitement. I have had hardships and pain, like everyone, but in a much more mundane sort of way. I would never dream of writing a memoir, as not that much in my life is interesting or out of the norm in any meaningful way.
Which brings me to this, I thought I was reading about one woman’s account of a life of crazy times, and her departure from being a Jehovah’s Witness.
And technically, that is what I got. However, it almost every circumstance, I don’t understand why there was a need to tell this story to the wider world. This feels very personal, very intimate, and, I’m sorry to say, not very interesting.
Case in point, what was her magic moment of decision to not be a JW any longer? Well, she was knocking on someone’s door one day, witnessing, and when the person who answered was her boss, she immediately felt embarrassed.
That’s pretty much it. And trust me, I get it. I was a fundamentalist of a different sort when I was young, and it is embarrassing. So much of believing in something like that means the whole world around you is frothing ocean of supernatural, inexplicable drama. So when someone you know in a different context gets shoved into that worldview, it can shine a light on how little of those beliefs are, well, plausible.
for me, as I’ve stated before, it was debating Mormons that gave me the epiphany. But for her, there was no debate, just sort of an ‘Uh oh,’ moment where she realized this was a bit silly.
So she quit. Then she did what she could to avoid confrontation for the next 30 or 40 years. That’s pretty much it. It was NOT interesting. At all.
Her journey, well, it was her’s. I don’t understand why it was published, let alone be turned into an audiobook. But, it sounds like she had a fine life, and eventually came to terms with her choices. But how could any of that be interesting to an outside observer?
It does show how cruel it (and other) religions can be to those who attempt to leave. Coming from a family of JWs meant that she was on the quick path to being disfellowshipped (similar to being ex-communicated - and effectively cutting her off from ever speaking to her family again). But as someone that had what I consider a unique perspective on how they tend to operate on a daily basis - I’ve been in a room with JWs at their World Headquarters talking to others and not being aware that I was not one of them, and I heard one gentleman candidly stating that he would never play a part if disfellowshipping someone from the organization. I heard murmurs of agreement from others.
I read this book as she forced that confrontation herself with the JW organization and struggled to understand why she’d do that. They were clearly content to leave her be, and she moved across country, had a new life, and she decided to just call up the local JW community and make a huge deal about how she was quitting.
They came to her house, at her invitation, and in her recounting of the events, appear to give her a million ways out of this without them putting her on their roll of disfellowshipped people. But she powered on through and forced it to happen.
I suppose it’s like confronting a cop because you feel there is an unjust law, and you know you’d be fine if you just minded your own business, the even if the cop knows you’re doing something in violation of that law, he won’t do anything about because he also feels like it might be unjust. Except you can’t leave it alone and you have to single that cop out and yell at him and violate that law publicly and in his presence in order to force him to either arrest you, or also violate his sworn duty.
To me, that’s what she did. I suppose she may feel like she won a moral victory there, but I’m pragmatic enough to think that if you know you’re going to force you loved ones to choose between their god, and you, they may choose their god. So don’t press the issue.
She did. And she was cut out of their lives.
Maybe it will help someone, somewhere, come to grips with their own struggles to read this. I hope so. But unless you fit into a relatively narrow niche of people that I think this might help then I don’t really think this should be for you.
He found himself transcribing letters for officers, taking minutes in meetings, and otherwise doing all sorts of clerical tasks. This means he got to be in the room while history was being made. He got to hear his captain begging to be allowed to assist the Cuban rebels that were left stranded with no support at the Bay of Pigs.
He pulled astronauts from the sea when they would splash down.
He was held hostage in a coup attempt at the King of Morocco’s birthday party. He escaped and gathered with other escapees in Die Hard like attempt to free the rest. That didn’t work out real well, but he and most of the others he was with did survive.
He was there with the Delta Force operatives that later died trying to rescue the US hostages in Iran. He wintered in Antarctica. He went to spy school. He got high with criminals, he visited all the continents, he met kings and CEOs. He worked on Wall Street.
I could barely mention a place on earth that he hadn’t been to, visited, lived in, or could tell an incredible story about. He was like Forest Gump, without the low IQ.
I begged him to write a memoir. His stories to me were a hodgepodge of wild and crazy moments. but were hard to parse though. I tried to present him with timelines, I offered to help him ghost write it, I gave him outline ideas. He was excited about it for a time, but in the end, he decided not to. That he wanted to make new memories, not dwell on old ones.
So, after he died, I spent weeks pouring over his old stuff, medals from the military, school records, I found decades of letters he wrote home while living abroad, I found all sorts of documentation that certainly helped make sense of some of what he did. But a lot of what happened in his life will always be a mystery to me.
I, however, have led no such life to excitement. I have had hardships and pain, like everyone, but in a much more mundane sort of way. I would never dream of writing a memoir, as not that much in my life is interesting or out of the norm in any meaningful way.
Which brings me to this, I thought I was reading about one woman’s account of a life of crazy times, and her departure from being a Jehovah’s Witness.
And technically, that is what I got. However, it almost every circumstance, I don’t understand why there was a need to tell this story to the wider world. This feels very personal, very intimate, and, I’m sorry to say, not very interesting.
Case in point, what was her magic moment of decision to not be a JW any longer? Well, she was knocking on someone’s door one day, witnessing, and when the person who answered was her boss, she immediately felt embarrassed.
That’s pretty much it. And trust me, I get it. I was a fundamentalist of a different sort when I was young, and it is embarrassing. So much of believing in something like that means the whole world around you is frothing ocean of supernatural, inexplicable drama. So when someone you know in a different context gets shoved into that worldview, it can shine a light on how little of those beliefs are, well, plausible.
for me, as I’ve stated before, it was debating Mormons that gave me the epiphany. But for her, there was no debate, just sort of an ‘Uh oh,’ moment where she realized this was a bit silly.
So she quit. Then she did what she could to avoid confrontation for the next 30 or 40 years. That’s pretty much it. It was NOT interesting. At all.
Her journey, well, it was her’s. I don’t understand why it was published, let alone be turned into an audiobook. But, it sounds like she had a fine life, and eventually came to terms with her choices. But how could any of that be interesting to an outside observer?
It does show how cruel it (and other) religions can be to those who attempt to leave. Coming from a family of JWs meant that she was on the quick path to being disfellowshipped (similar to being ex-communicated - and effectively cutting her off from ever speaking to her family again). But as someone that had what I consider a unique perspective on how they tend to operate on a daily basis - I’ve been in a room with JWs at their World Headquarters talking to others and not being aware that I was not one of them, and I heard one gentleman candidly stating that he would never play a part if disfellowshipping someone from the organization. I heard murmurs of agreement from others.
I read this book as she forced that confrontation herself with the JW organization and struggled to understand why she’d do that. They were clearly content to leave her be, and she moved across country, had a new life, and she decided to just call up the local JW community and make a huge deal about how she was quitting.
They came to her house, at her invitation, and in her recounting of the events, appear to give her a million ways out of this without them putting her on their roll of disfellowshipped people. But she powered on through and forced it to happen.
I suppose it’s like confronting a cop because you feel there is an unjust law, and you know you’d be fine if you just minded your own business, the even if the cop knows you’re doing something in violation of that law, he won’t do anything about because he also feels like it might be unjust. Except you can’t leave it alone and you have to single that cop out and yell at him and violate that law publicly and in his presence in order to force him to either arrest you, or also violate his sworn duty.
To me, that’s what she did. I suppose she may feel like she won a moral victory there, but I’m pragmatic enough to think that if you know you’re going to force you loved ones to choose between their god, and you, they may choose their god. So don’t press the issue.
She did. And she was cut out of their lives.
Maybe it will help someone, somewhere, come to grips with their own struggles to read this. I hope so. But unless you fit into a relatively narrow niche of people that I think this might help then I don’t really think this should be for you.
September 1, 2018
Curtis spent a lot of time detailing her job, which was dull and not at all what interested me in how she split from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. An explanation into how the job appealed to her would have sufficed. Details on selling credit cards and loans to banks as her calling had me chuckling about how she couldn’t have picked a better field to go into to separate herself from the JW’s.
When Curtis detailed WHY she felt the need to leave and how her particular shunning went down was the most captivating bits of the book. I felt she could have gone deeper, but the reason why she didn’t was to appease her family. In other words, this book felt more like an explanation to them than a book meant to delve deep into what could make a woman born into a rigid religious group start to question everything she knew.
It was a good book, but it could have been so much better.
When Curtis detailed WHY she felt the need to leave and how her particular shunning went down was the most captivating bits of the book. I felt she could have gone deeper, but the reason why she didn’t was to appease her family. In other words, this book felt more like an explanation to them than a book meant to delve deep into what could make a woman born into a rigid religious group start to question everything she knew.
It was a good book, but it could have been so much better.
September 25, 2018
Beautifully written with real feeling and patience
When I started reading this one I knew it was special. I wasn't disappointed. And the way it unfolded was just right. The descriptions and word pictures throughout the book gave me the feeling that I was actually there, a silent witness so to speak (no pun intended 😀). Anyone who was raised into or has associated themselves with the JW religion particularly, will relate to it's honesty and stark reminder that the price for being shunned by loved ones and/or even close friends, may be the price one has to pay in order to be free and to become a new and genuine self. Reading this book was easy and well worth the attention it deserves and more. Highly recommended.
When I started reading this one I knew it was special. I wasn't disappointed. And the way it unfolded was just right. The descriptions and word pictures throughout the book gave me the feeling that I was actually there, a silent witness so to speak (no pun intended 😀). Anyone who was raised into or has associated themselves with the JW religion particularly, will relate to it's honesty and stark reminder that the price for being shunned by loved ones and/or even close friends, may be the price one has to pay in order to be free and to become a new and genuine self. Reading this book was easy and well worth the attention it deserves and more. Highly recommended.
September 17, 2019
Brave and inspiring
First let me say that I rarely write reviews of the books I read but this book was cathartic for me, having also been raised, baptized, and disfellowshipped by my parents/the Jehovah's Witness organization.
As any member or ex-member of the Jehovah's Witnesses organization can attest, the Witnesses are very consistent in the way they exact judgement and in their use of guilt and fearmongering to keep their members in line. So, regardless of the specifics of how we left, our stories have the same basic elements. Thank you Linda Curtis for so bravely sharing your story.
This book will resonate with survivors of religious persecution.
First let me say that I rarely write reviews of the books I read but this book was cathartic for me, having also been raised, baptized, and disfellowshipped by my parents/the Jehovah's Witness organization.
As any member or ex-member of the Jehovah's Witnesses organization can attest, the Witnesses are very consistent in the way they exact judgement and in their use of guilt and fearmongering to keep their members in line. So, regardless of the specifics of how we left, our stories have the same basic elements. Thank you Linda Curtis for so bravely sharing your story.
This book will resonate with survivors of religious persecution.
February 20, 2018
Linda Curtis is a hero of mine. You know why? She told us about her journey openly, honestly. The story was written so well it read like a novel. Not once did I get the feeling that any anger, hurt or other negative emotions experienced by her shunning overrode the positive journey. I recommend this book to anyone...it gives a good understanding of the Jehovah Witnesses faith as well as a fair expression of disagreement with those same beliefs. I loved reading this book and was more than happy to read and review Shunned honestly for the publisher.
February 25, 2018
I’ve always been interested in learning about different religions, so when I saw this memoir I did not hesitate in wanting to read it.
This book broke my heart. As someone who is extremely close to her family, I found myself crying through all the heartbreaks Linda had to endure after being shunned.
What I loved most about her story is that she was willing to sacrifice everything she knew to find her Truth.
Thank you to NetGalley, Author and Publisher for providing me with a free copy of this book.
This book broke my heart. As someone who is extremely close to her family, I found myself crying through all the heartbreaks Linda had to endure after being shunned.
What I loved most about her story is that she was willing to sacrifice everything she knew to find her Truth.
Thank you to NetGalley, Author and Publisher for providing me with a free copy of this book.
October 3, 2018
Linda's story of how she came out of the Jehovah's Witness cult and learned to live in the world she was taught to fear is nothing short of amazing. I myself, had gone through the same process, but not with as much poise and grace as Linda. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to understand the human spirit, how people become emotionally and mentally detached in cults. There are many lessons to learn for loving and accepting of others who do not THINK or BELIEVE the way you do. It's all about forgiveness and unconditional love. Best message.
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