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How Not To Be a Unicorn
Mothers just want their children to be happy. That's why, when five-year-old Gary says he wants to be a unicorn, his New Age mum does everything in her power to make it happen. One night, while he is sleeping, she superglues a horn to his head. His life will never be the same again.
Follow the ups but mostly downs throughout forty years of Gary's unicorn life, as he struggles with his mum and her army of lovers, one sister who thinks she's a mermaid, another who's a personality-morphing nutjob and little brother, Mikey, a perpetually two-foot tall, fur-covered troll. Along the way are unicorn hunters, religious sects, rubbish superheros, crucifixions, duels, escaped lions, cannibals, immaculate conceptions and Nazis but mostly lots and lots of ridicule.
Like Gary, you can be whatever you want to be, but be careful what you wish for.
Follow the ups but mostly downs throughout forty years of Gary's unicorn life, as he struggles with his mum and her army of lovers, one sister who thinks she's a mermaid, another who's a personality-morphing nutjob and little brother, Mikey, a perpetually two-foot tall, fur-covered troll. Along the way are unicorn hunters, religious sects, rubbish superheros, crucifixions, duels, escaped lions, cannibals, immaculate conceptions and Nazis but mostly lots and lots of ridicule.
Like Gary, you can be whatever you want to be, but be careful what you wish for.
279 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 11, 2017
1 person is currently reading
About the author
Steven Primrose-Smith
12 books12 followersSteven Primrose-Smith has written sketches, songs, sitcoms and pantos for London-based NewsRevue, the world's longest-running live satirical comedy show, and The Sitcom Trials, as well as a series of comedy shows he produced in Spain. His writing has also appeared in The Independent, Cycle magazine and The National Student Magazine.
Steven's book "No Place Like Home, Thank God", about his near-death experience and the resulting 22,000-mile bicycle ride around Europe, is an Amazon International bestseller, reaching #1 in Cycling and #3 in both Sport and Travel. He has written four travel follow-ups: "Hungry for Miles" describes his 2015 attempt to cycle across Europe surviving on only £1 a day; "Route Britannia", another Amazon bestseller, explores in two parts his 2016 5,000-mile ride through every county in Britain; "Biking Broken Europe", yet another bestseller, follows his 6,000-mile journey through the more unstable bits of Europe, including the frozen and not-so-frozen conflicts of Transnistria, Abkhazia and Nagorno-Karabakh; and his latest book, "The Quest for the Holy Quail", tells of his 3,000-mile foodie adventure through the whole of Morocco as it closed down around him due to Covid-19.
As well as travel books, Steven writes humorous novels. His first, another Amazon UK bestseller (#1 in Satire), is "George Pearly is a Miserable Old Sod", a murder-mystery involving the most unpopular man on the Costa del Sol. He has recently released his third novel, "How Not to Be a Unicorn", in which a well-meaning New Age mum indulges her young son's wishes to be a unicorn and, while he sleeps, superglues a horn to his head.
Steven also manages EuropeByBicycle.com, a hub of information about cycling in Europe with country guides for over 50 destinations.
For the latest information about Steven and his latest releases and projects, please visit www.primrose-smith.com.
Steven's book "No Place Like Home, Thank God", about his near-death experience and the resulting 22,000-mile bicycle ride around Europe, is an Amazon International bestseller, reaching #1 in Cycling and #3 in both Sport and Travel. He has written four travel follow-ups: "Hungry for Miles" describes his 2015 attempt to cycle across Europe surviving on only £1 a day; "Route Britannia", another Amazon bestseller, explores in two parts his 2016 5,000-mile ride through every county in Britain; "Biking Broken Europe", yet another bestseller, follows his 6,000-mile journey through the more unstable bits of Europe, including the frozen and not-so-frozen conflicts of Transnistria, Abkhazia and Nagorno-Karabakh; and his latest book, "The Quest for the Holy Quail", tells of his 3,000-mile foodie adventure through the whole of Morocco as it closed down around him due to Covid-19.
As well as travel books, Steven writes humorous novels. His first, another Amazon UK bestseller (#1 in Satire), is "George Pearly is a Miserable Old Sod", a murder-mystery involving the most unpopular man on the Costa del Sol. He has recently released his third novel, "How Not to Be a Unicorn", in which a well-meaning New Age mum indulges her young son's wishes to be a unicorn and, while he sleeps, superglues a horn to his head.
Steven also manages EuropeByBicycle.com, a hub of information about cycling in Europe with country guides for over 50 destinations.
For the latest information about Steven and his latest releases and projects, please visit www.primrose-smith.com.
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