Stop Saying You're Fine: Discover a More Powerful You

by Mel Robbins

Right now, over 100 million Americans secretly feel frustrated and bored with their lives. If you've come to regard yourself as your own worst enemy; if you constantly daydream and wonder, "Is this all there is?"; if you have a tendency, when asked how you're doing, to just say "Fine," you may be one of them. If this sounds familiar, there's clearly something missing from your life. This book will help you discover what it is, and how to win it back. Written by Mel Robbins, one of America's top relationship experts, this hands-on guide not only shows you how to put your finger on the problem, it reveals what to do about it.Mel Robbins has spent her career teaching people how to push past their self-imposed limits to get what they truly desire. She has an in-depth understanding of the psychological and social factors that repeatedly hold you back, and more importantly, a unique set of tools for getting you where you want to be. In Stop Saying You're Fine, she draws on the latest neuroscientific research, interviews with countless everyday people, and ideas she's tested in her own life to show what works and what doesn't. The key, she explains, is understanding how your own brain works against you. Because evolution has biased your mental gears against taking action, what you need are techniques to outsmart yourself.That may sound impossible, but Mel has created a remarkably effective method to help you do just that-and some of her discoveries will astonish you. By ignoring how you feel and seizing small amounts of rich possibility-a process she calls "leaning in"-you can make tiny course corrections add up to huge change. Among this book's other topics: how everything can depend on not hitting the snooze button; the science of connecting with other people; what children can teach us about getting things done; and why five seconds is the maximum time you should wait before acting on a great idea.Blending warmth, humor, and unflinching honesty with up-to-the-minute science and hard-earned widom, Stop Saying You're Fine moves beyond the platitudes and easy fixes offered in many self-help books. Mel's insights will actually help vault you to a better life, ensuring that the next time someone asks how you're doing, you can truthfully answer, "Absolutely great."

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Audiobook, Psychology, Personal Growth, Business

Audible Audio

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Mel Robbins is an Ivy League educated criminal defense attorney and entrepreneur whose quick wit and fresh take on current affairs has helped her become a sought-after commentator, internationally recognized speaker, Contributing Editor to SUCCESS Magazine, best-selling author, relationship expert and Common Sense Activist.

Her advice and fiery opinion have been seen by tens of millions of viewers nationwide on shows ranging from Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper, The Today Show, The Talk, Oprah, CNBC, and FOX Business.

Mel’s first book, STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE – The No B.S. Guide To Getting What You Want – is now available in paperback and is published by Crown. It’s the best-seller that teaches readers how to stop procrastinating by using the latest neuroscience research and ingenious strategies to achieve goals.

Mel loves speaking to large audiences and delivers action-inspiring keynote speeches and workshops at large business conventions and leadership conferences worldwide. She also hosts leadership and training programs for companies ranging from Johnson & Johnson, Fidelity, Partners Healthcare, Wells Fargo; to leading law firms, family businesses, and privately held companies across America.

Mel is a graduate of Dartmouth College and Boston College Law School. She’s a working mom with three school-aged kids and is married to fellow entrepreneur Christopher Robbins, the co-founder of Stone Hearth Pizza.

Reviews

[M · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can sum up this book in two sentences: 1. Get off your butt and take action! 2. If you don't know how to do #1, hire someone to tell you how. Other than that, just the usual advice; nothing profound.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from the Amazon Vine program.

As self help books go, this one is a winner. Stop Saying You're Fine not only explains why we get stuck in a rut and gives us step by step instructions on how to get out of this rut. The thing I like most about this book is that it explains why we get stuck in a rut from a biological stand point. Your brain doesn't like change because it takes more energy to make new pathways than to use the old pathways. Armed with this information, Mel Robbins creates a plan to outsmart your brain and retrain it to make the changes you desire.

This book came to me during a time when I was questions "where do I go from here?" By taking her advice, I have begun to change my life path in the right direction. Thanks Mel!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It felt like it was speaking directly to me. I highly recommend this book to anyone that feels like they need that extra push in the right direction.

[Robert · Rating 1 out of 5]

Repetitive and condescending. The tone of the audiobook narrator doesn't help, as she's almost scolding the listener. Essentially the book makes sweeping judgements and generalisations regarding the listener/reader's lifestyle and behaviour and concludes with "you're either being a chicken or a jerk." Yes, seriously! I'm surprised by the high ratings and assume this is the type of approach that resonates with an American audience (a subsection of it anyway -- one that sees the world as dog-eat-dog). Life is too short to be scolded and talked down to, especially by someone with dubious credentials. Psychology has shown that negative, coercive methods may work in motivating people in the short term but will ultimately fail in the long run. i.e. Telling someone to "lose weight fatty!" is unlikely to result in successful, long-term weight management. I hope this form of "self help" book is a short-lived fad.

[Hamin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the Audiobook version of this book after watching Mel Robbins' Tedtalk video. And like her Tedtalk, this book did not disappoint. Like others have mentioned, she has this no-nonsense, unapologetic tone. Her basic message? If you're stuck in life, stop saying you're okay. Admit to yourself that you're dissatisfied & do something about it.

There are many different life lessons that she sprinkles into the book, but 2 main messages stick out to me. The first is to act quickly. She calls this her "5 second rule." Robbins says that if you don't act within the 1st 5 seconds of getting an idea, the idea will most likely die. Not only that, you open up the window of your mind for worries, speculation, and doubt to enter. Don't overthink it. Don't delay. Just do it.

The second thing that sticks out to me is her mention of making maps for the goals you want to accomplish. The first step is to do a brain dump where you lay out everything that you want. It doesn't have to be neatly packaged, but this is a way for you to clear & help organize your head. What I like about the making maps idea is that it's not linear meaning there are multiple ways to get to your goal. Seeing this in a visual front will help you stay motivated and encourage you not to give up when one route fails to take you to where you want to go.

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

A long narrative with many examples about how to make your life suck less. Save yourself some time and read the conclusion first, then if you want further elaboration read the chapter.
There are definitely some good tips, I just wish she got to the point faster.

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is alarming how much fat-shaming goes on in a book written by a "life coach" It's truly appalling.

I'd picked this book up on sale expecting it to be about how we should all be more honest -- meaning if things aren't okay or fine don't say "it's okay" or "it's fine" and there is a little bit of that.

Mostly it felt like a weak cup of coffee with a side of shame. I did pick up a few helpful things such as identifying my thoughts as the chicken or the jerk, but overall this book left me feeling icky more than inspired. She also takes FOREVER to get to a point and references her radio show constantly (is this a PR stunt?).

Overall I felt most of the content was watered down versions of other amazing books (to Robbins' credit she does reference these other books) and blah blah blah nothing new here. YAWN.

Basically, eat that frog. Do the thing you don't feel like doing. That's the entire lesson of this book. Oh, and try new things.

Read Mindset: The New Psychology of Success instead :)

[Siddhartha Banerjee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nuggets from this book are useful; but really not worth reading/listening through the whole book. The number of times Robbins repeats the same ideas and advice in slightly different wording gets tiring.

[ally wright ⋆˙⟡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

very motivating book! i really enjoyed the advice about how to push through when you’re lacking motivation and i also appreciated the inclusion of the scientific studies. i highly recommend listening to the audiobook as well!

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly common sense stuff that was presented in a repetitive way.

[Wayne Sutherland · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh, was kind of underwhelmed by this one. Sorry I really tried to like it since I loved her Tedtalk but really not crazy about the book.

[Nikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not a bad book. If you're really such in a rut I think it might be helpful, but of all the motivational/self help I've read this year this book was my least favorite.

[Jodi Leeper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book! I’m working on area of my life #6, body/health.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It wasn’t your typical self help book- it was engaging to help you recognize patterns and overcome challenges to help get you back to loving yourself and your life.
Some of the things brought up were a little obvious and kind of your basic items so I didn’t do a four stars but that being said- you kind of need the basic/obvious things as foundation.

[Jodi Blackman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this author through her excellent TED talk and am so glad. This book finally cuts the bull and gives concrete, useful advice about how to stop getting in your own way. I get in my own way a lot. In a frank, amusing and accessible way, Robbins readers navigate through their crappy excuses and stulifying coping mechanisms and encourages them to take action and create lasting change. Getting unstuck is hard, and our brains try all sorts of tricks to make us stay there.

Robbins explains strategies to defeat even the most stubborn emotional resistance. Overall, though it may look just like another generic self-help book, I believe it's much better than most of them.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I watched Mel Robbins’ “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over” TED talk and then looked up her books because the talk resonated with me. The audiobook of this one happened to be available through my library. I don’t love audiobooks and wish this had been read by Robbins herself, but I still loved the ideas. I have Mel Robbins’ other two books on hold from my library, and look forward to reading them in print instead of listening to them. I think they will reinforce the ideas from this book and I want to being able to review sections and maybe even take notes, because I genuinely find Robbins’ ideas inspiring.

[Kris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I prefer no-nonsense self-help books to ones that coddle, so this one is up my alley. Stop telling yourself you are fine if you are dissatisfied with parts of your life, and then take action. Quit depending on your willpower, and set things up so it is easier to succeed. This gets a bit repetitive, and people who like to be told that it’s okay to suck because you are a victim of your circumstances are going to hate it, but there is some good advice here for those who are just lying to themselves about their satisfaction with their lives.

[Ericka Clou · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was fine, I’m not sure I personally found it very motivational. I read this book because a YouTube I like (and find very motivational) recommended and cited this author.

Also note that negatively speaking (thinking) to yourself has been scientifically proven to be demotivating. The author suggests negative self talk at one point.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This... was the kick in the pants I needed. I probably will re-listen to this over and over until I'm just unconsciously taking the actions Mel Robbins suggests at the end of this book. What a book, what a book, what a mighty good book! 10/10 recommend to all my friends looking to uplevel in any arena of their lives

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I did enjoy the ideas in the book, I do have a problem with how the author tried to motivate folks - especially language like referring to people as "chickens and jerks". Also the author makes a point of referring to over weight people as "fat slobs" This language feels shaming and less than ideal motivating.

[Brent Mair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mel is a no-nonsense self-help counselor. I first heard her on the audio supplement to Success Magazine. The book was full of great ideas to change your life. I haven't done any of them. Did the book fail?

[Amma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read this after watching Mel's TED Talk, which I loved. Do yourself a favor and read the conclusion and be done with it. The concept presented is helpful (more powerful in her TED Talk and interviews), but the book became extremely repetitive.

[Jenwright01 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely want my kids to read this also.

[Connie Feng · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was scrolling through books available for immediate check-out and I was going to skip it, but this line of the summary got my attention: “If you constantly daydream and wonder, “Is this all there is?”

I thought this book would be about living a more fulfilling life by figuring out your values, stuff that I’ve talked about with my therapist. But so far, it’s more focused on being the active creator of your life, rather than sitting in the passenger seat and just letting life happen to you.

If I had read this book 10 years ago, it would’ve made me feel stressed. But listening to it right now, it reminded me to feel… happy about risks I’ve taken. I was happy that I fulfilled one of my dreams of living in Korea. I’ve committed to and invested in my health. I’m in the process of starting my small business. These were/are all scary things, but I’m glad I overcame the shadows of doubt to do them.

Your brain will come up with a million excuses for you to not do something, but we have to break free from these false limitations. This reminded me of The Untethered Soul/The Surrender Experiment.

[Lynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Finished: Stop Saying You’re Fine by Mel Robbins

This is a nonfiction, self improvement book. Published in June 2011. Complete this in Audiobook format.

Support your local libraries. I borrowed this book on my Libby App using my local library card!!

Ok, definitely out of the normal range of books that I read. But with my health issues my go to saying is “I’m Fine” no matter how I feel. With that said, this author definitely has NOT spoken to anyone that has dealt with autoimmune diseases, chronic illness, etc.
Now, yes we all know, if we start the day with a positive attitude and outlook , it should be a positive and productive day. And I strive for that daily (mentally) !! Physical my body will say absolutely NO! So don’t call me a “chicken” or “loser” (authors words not mine)
Yes, there were some positive, list making, organization changes, and deep thought about yourself.

So getting through this at times was frustrating. 😕

[Tam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ironically it took me ages to finish this because it spurs you to action and I was going through an intercontinental move and job change at the time I started it, so other priorities took precedence. But it has a lot of really good advice and action items on how to get unstuck and create a habit of being more okay with change. A lot of mental models and resources as well. It’s super useful but you do need to be ready to DO something. I read it with a set of highlighters and sticky notes, as well as a notepad in order to get the most out of it.

[Pali · Rating 1 out of 5]

I just could not finish reading this. A lot of “we will get to this later in the book” and then also a lot of repetition of already mentioned facts. I could not get rid of a feeling that the basic principles are forced to be some new breaktrough ideas. Just get things done, do it now, don’t procrastinate. I bought it for my brother who never read it, and I am glad he haven’t as he would struggle like I did.

[Alex Schmidt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This took my 5 months to listen to. I took a few months break from it because it wasn’t my favorite and the last story was hard to listen to since I didn’t relate to it. I honestly wouldn’t recommend this to someone just because it didn’t fulfill me in the way I wanted it to. She has better books that I’d recommend and that I love. This one just didn’t do it for me.

[Derek Semeraro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like most self-help books it has many platitudes and can be 30% shorterm. But it does succeed at prodding the reader into taking action and enraging them at the status quo, which in itself is worth it

[Emily Palmer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this for a book club - so I'm not really the target audience. I thought the advice was generic and sometimes contradictory.