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130 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2000
I understand ruthless.
I understand, maybe more than any of the others, what it means to be unsentimental. Cold, even. To see the end in the beginning and the beginning in the end.
I'm not denying that Jake, for example, doesn't make his share of tough decisions. That almost every day he isn't forced to choose between two seemingly impossible, equally degrading choices. That he doesn't feel the agony of those crisis moments. That too often he looks about fifty.
All I'm saying is that I understand, immediately and on some instinctual level, the state of ruthlessness you have to reach -- almost, to live in -- to be able to make those impossible choices. To see the right way to the right end.
To accept being perceived as cruel and heartless.
To live with the fact that people are afraid of getting too close to someone like me, like maybe it'll rub off, my ability to do what needs to be done.
In spite of my incredible sense of humor, I am not always fun to be around.
