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162 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
[Ax] was still focusing on that. Not thinking ahead to the fact that we needed the Yeerks to have the stupid computer now. I know it sounds weird, but I was actually mad at Ax for not seeing what an idiot I'd been. I wanted someone just to say, "Jake, you've blown it, man. You're not the leader anymore."
It would have been a relief.
“Yeah? Why?" I didn't really care. I was too tired to care. But Cassie was being kind, and I needed some kindness.
"Because you're the same, you and Polo. He's you, and you're him. The leaders. You know, he took a risk putting down his spear. We might have killed him and his people. There was no way he could know if it was the right thing to do. He just made the best decision he could. That's all anyone can ask from any leader."
I felt for Cassie's hand in the rain. It was too dim and gray to see her face well.
"I'm so tired," I said.
Cassie laid her head on my shoulder. "I know, Jake. Rest. Just rest.”
I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my life. I had been screwing up plenty. First by deciding to go into the stupid Safeway to begin with, then by endangering Tobias, then by endangering Ax, then by leaving Rachel alone to almost get killed. But at least no one had gotten killed.
Yet.
I know it sounds weird, but I was actually mad at Ax for not seeing what an idiot I'd been. I wanted someone just to say, "Jake, you've blown it, man. You're not the leader anymore."
It would have been a relief.
The others like to act as if I’m in charge. I don’t think of myself that way, not really. But you know, whatever. If it makes them feel better to think I’m the leader, fine.
It’s just that when people treat you like a leader, you start acting like a leader. And like I said, that means making decisions. Even when you’re just guessing.