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162 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
[Ax] was still focusing on that. Not thinking ahead to the fact that we needed the Yeerks to have the stupid computer now. I know it sounds weird, but I was actually mad at Ax for not seeing what an idiot I'd been. I wanted someone just to say, "Jake, you've blown it, man. You're not the leader anymore."
It would have been a relief.
I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my life. I had been screwing up plenty. First by deciding to go into the stupid Safeway to begin with, then by endangering Tobias, then by endangering Ax, then by leaving Rachel alone to almost get killed. But at least no one had gotten killed.
Yet.
I know it sounds weird, but I was actually mad at Ax for not seeing what an idiot I'd been. I wanted someone just to say, "Jake, you've blown it, man. You're not the leader anymore."
It would have been a relief.
The others like to act as if I’m in charge. I don’t think of myself that way, not really. But you know, whatever. If it makes them feel better to think I’m the leader, fine.
It’s just that when people treat you like a leader, you start acting like a leader. And like I said, that means making decisions. Even when you’re just guessing.