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When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions
From the Bestselling Author of The Secret Life of Bees, an Inspiring Autobiographical Account of Personal Pain, Spiritual Awakening, and Divine Grace
Blending her own experiences with an intimate grasp of spirituality, Sue Monk Kidd relates the passionate and moving tale of her spiritual crisis, when life seemed to have lost meaning and her longing for a hasty escape from the pain yielded to a discipline of "active waiting." This PLUS edition includes a reader's guide.
Blending her own experiences with an intimate grasp of spirituality, Sue Monk Kidd relates the passionate and moving tale of her spiritual crisis, when life seemed to have lost meaning and her longing for a hasty escape from the pain yielded to a discipline of "active waiting." This PLUS edition includes a reader's guide.
242 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1990
1513 people are currently reading
10225 people want to read
About the author
Sue Monk Kidd
52 books14.1k followersSue Monk Kidd was raised in the small town of Sylvester, Georgia, a place that deeply influenced the writing of her first novel The Secret Life of Bees. She graduated from Texas Christian University in 1970 and later took creative writing courses at Emory University and Anderson College, as well as studying at Sewanee, Bread Loaf, and other writers’ conferences. In 2016, TCU conferred on her an honorary doctor of letters degree. She was inducted into the South Carolina Academy of Authors in 2011 and into the Georgia Writers Hall of Fame in 2022.
Her book When the Heart Waits, published by Harper San Francisco in 1990 has become a touchstone on contemplative spirituality. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, also published by Harper in 1996, describes Kidd’s journey into feminist theology, a memoir that had a groundbreaking effect within religious circles.
When her first novel, The Secret Life of Bees, was published by Viking in 2002, it became a genuine literary phenomenon, spending more than 2½ years on the New York Times bestseller list. It has been translated into over 36 languages and sold more than 8 million copies worldwide. Bees was named the Book Sense Paperback Book of the Year in 2004, long-listed for the 2002 Orange Prize in England, and won numerous other awards. For over a decade, the novel was produced on stage by The American Place Theater, and in 2008 it was adapted into a movie by Fox Searchlight, which won the People’s Choice award for best movie and the NAACP Image award for best picture. An Off Broadway musical of Bees ran at The Atlantic Theater in 2019, winning the AUDELCO VIV award for best musical, and debuted in London at the Almeida Theater in 2023. The novel is taught widely in middle school, high school, and college classrooms.
Kidd’s second novel, The Mermaid Chair, has sold well over a million copies since its publication by Viking in 2005, reaching #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and remaining on the hardcover and paperback lists for nine months. Winner of the 2005 Quill Award for General Fiction, the novel was longlisted for the International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award, translated into 28 languages, and made into a television movie by Lifetime.
The spiritual essays, meditations, and inspirational stories Kidd wrote in her thirties were collected into a single volume, Firstlight: The Early Inspiration Writings and published by Guideposts Books in 2006 and Penguin in 2007.
After traveling with her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, to sacred sites in Greece, Turkey, and France, Kidd and Taylor co-authored a memoir, Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story. Published by Viking in 2009, it appeared on numerous bestseller lists, including the New York Times list and has been published in several languages.
The Invention of Wings, Kidd’s third novel was published in 2014 by Viking. It debuted at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list where it spent a total of 9 months. It has sold nearly 2 million copies and been translated into over 20 languages. The novel has won several literary awards, including the Florida Book of Year Award and the SIBA Book Award. It was a Goodreads Readers Choice Award runner up, nominated for the International Dublin Literary Award, and chosen for Oprah’s Book Club 2.0.
Kidd’s much anticipated fourth novel, The Book of Longings, was published on April 21, 2020 to widespread critical and reader acclaim. It immediately landed at the top of the bestseller lists, reaching #5 on The New York Times Hardcover Fiction list, #1 on the IndieBound bestseller list, and #2 on the Associated Press bestseller List. The novel was a finalist for Book-of-the-Month Club’s Book of the Year Award, a Goodreads Readers Choice Award runner up, a Heather’s Pick (Indigo Books) in Canada, and a Australian Women’s Day Great Read Pick. It has been translated into 17 languages thus far.
She lives in North Carolina with her husband, Sandy, and dog, Barney.
Her book When the Heart Waits, published by Harper San Francisco in 1990 has become a touchstone on contemplative spirituality. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, also published by Harper in 1996, describes Kidd’s journey into feminist theology, a memoir that had a groundbreaking effect within religious circles.
When her first novel, The Secret Life of Bees, was published by Viking in 2002, it became a genuine literary phenomenon, spending more than 2½ years on the New York Times bestseller list. It has been translated into over 36 languages and sold more than 8 million copies worldwide. Bees was named the Book Sense Paperback Book of the Year in 2004, long-listed for the 2002 Orange Prize in England, and won numerous other awards. For over a decade, the novel was produced on stage by The American Place Theater, and in 2008 it was adapted into a movie by Fox Searchlight, which won the People’s Choice award for best movie and the NAACP Image award for best picture. An Off Broadway musical of Bees ran at The Atlantic Theater in 2019, winning the AUDELCO VIV award for best musical, and debuted in London at the Almeida Theater in 2023. The novel is taught widely in middle school, high school, and college classrooms.
Kidd’s second novel, The Mermaid Chair, has sold well over a million copies since its publication by Viking in 2005, reaching #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and remaining on the hardcover and paperback lists for nine months. Winner of the 2005 Quill Award for General Fiction, the novel was longlisted for the International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award, translated into 28 languages, and made into a television movie by Lifetime.
The spiritual essays, meditations, and inspirational stories Kidd wrote in her thirties were collected into a single volume, Firstlight: The Early Inspiration Writings and published by Guideposts Books in 2006 and Penguin in 2007.
After traveling with her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, to sacred sites in Greece, Turkey, and France, Kidd and Taylor co-authored a memoir, Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story. Published by Viking in 2009, it appeared on numerous bestseller lists, including the New York Times list and has been published in several languages.
The Invention of Wings, Kidd’s third novel was published in 2014 by Viking. It debuted at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list where it spent a total of 9 months. It has sold nearly 2 million copies and been translated into over 20 languages. The novel has won several literary awards, including the Florida Book of Year Award and the SIBA Book Award. It was a Goodreads Readers Choice Award runner up, nominated for the International Dublin Literary Award, and chosen for Oprah’s Book Club 2.0.
Kidd’s much anticipated fourth novel, The Book of Longings, was published on April 21, 2020 to widespread critical and reader acclaim. It immediately landed at the top of the bestseller lists, reaching #5 on The New York Times Hardcover Fiction list, #1 on the IndieBound bestseller list, and #2 on the Associated Press bestseller List. The novel was a finalist for Book-of-the-Month Club’s Book of the Year Award, a Goodreads Readers Choice Award runner up, a Heather’s Pick (Indigo Books) in Canada, and a Australian Women’s Day Great Read Pick. It has been translated into 17 languages thus far.
She lives in North Carolina with her husband, Sandy, and dog, Barney.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 469 reviews
June 2, 2008
"It's always difficult and risky to try to put soulmaking into words." - Kidd. This is a worthy disclaimer in the preface. Kidd's description of crisis and dispair and spirituality sometimes lean on the heavy, waxing, maudlin side - and if I had not experienced such times myself, I would abhor their description. However, I've been there as almost all of us have, and the few moments of tangled emotionl overkill are well worth the many nuggets nestled in between. I am thoroughly enjoying this and maybe I cringe b/c I see entirely too much of myself in her lower moments. She has an artist's soul for sure, and I am deeply enjoying that kinship in her writing. I am only a couple chapters in and alrady have a fistfull of treasures:
"Thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life; worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and ideas will serve as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the programme of life's morning--for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will have become a lie." - C.G. Jung
"The fullness of one's soul evolves slowly. We're asked to go within to gestate the newness God is trying to form; we're asked to collaborate with grace. That doesn't mean that grace isn't a gift. Nor does it mean that the deliberate process of waiting produces grace. But waiting does provide the time and space necessary for grace to happen. Spirit needs a container to pour itself into. Grace needs an arena in which to incarnate. Waiting can be such a place if we allow it." - Kidd
"Would I see that waiting, with all its quiet passion and hidden fire, is the real crucible of spiritual transformation?...Waiting is thus both passive and passionate. It's a vibrant, contemplative work." - Kidd
THIS IS MY FAVORITE THUS FAR: WAITING...IS THE REAL CRUCIBLE OF SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION. Too true when you think of God's plan "for the fullness of time." The long awaited fulfillment of prophecy, all those barren women pleading to God, the emprisonments, the wanderings, the exiles, the captivities.
"We tend to forget, I think, the power of a symbol to mediate grace and move us towards change." - Kidd. Too true. Kidd's is a cocoon, mine has always been an egg and only this year have I been attacked by unexpected circles/openings - a black hole, a birth canal, an internal oculus.
"We went on to heaven the long way round." & "Nothing can be more useful to a man than a determination not to be hurried." - Henry David Thoreau. This 'long way round' is the nature of life, and it calls to mind the Exodus yet again. Again, a theme of all life but especially mine, I have my eye out for the Exodus in all things.
"Thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life; worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and ideas will serve as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the programme of life's morning--for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will have become a lie." - C.G. Jung
"The fullness of one's soul evolves slowly. We're asked to go within to gestate the newness God is trying to form; we're asked to collaborate with grace. That doesn't mean that grace isn't a gift. Nor does it mean that the deliberate process of waiting produces grace. But waiting does provide the time and space necessary for grace to happen. Spirit needs a container to pour itself into. Grace needs an arena in which to incarnate. Waiting can be such a place if we allow it." - Kidd
"Would I see that waiting, with all its quiet passion and hidden fire, is the real crucible of spiritual transformation?...Waiting is thus both passive and passionate. It's a vibrant, contemplative work." - Kidd
THIS IS MY FAVORITE THUS FAR: WAITING...IS THE REAL CRUCIBLE OF SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION. Too true when you think of God's plan "for the fullness of time." The long awaited fulfillment of prophecy, all those barren women pleading to God, the emprisonments, the wanderings, the exiles, the captivities.
"We tend to forget, I think, the power of a symbol to mediate grace and move us towards change." - Kidd. Too true. Kidd's is a cocoon, mine has always been an egg and only this year have I been attacked by unexpected circles/openings - a black hole, a birth canal, an internal oculus.
"We went on to heaven the long way round." & "Nothing can be more useful to a man than a determination not to be hurried." - Henry David Thoreau. This 'long way round' is the nature of life, and it calls to mind the Exodus yet again. Again, a theme of all life but especially mine, I have my eye out for the Exodus in all things.
February 17, 2010
Having just finished "Dance of the Dissident Daughter," this book is almost painful to read. It was written before she had her awakening and you can watch Kidd trying to force her spirituality into the tight, constrictive box of Christianity. I am so glad she was able to break free and find her true, unique, authentic path to faith. I realize that she needed to go through this stage to get to where she is now, and for that reason this book is interesting. Her writing style is still beautiful, I just had some trouble going back in time. Perhaps I should have read this first!
January 20, 2020
I loved this book and would recommend it to anyone who is going through a change and questioning it's pace, purpose and/or meaning.
"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the Spirit laughs for what it has found" (118).
"Love consists of this, that two solitudes protect, and border, and salute each other" (167).
"I'd spent a lot of my life wearing masks to fit the occasion, being everything to everybody even if that mean being someone other than myself. Now, after long months of passionate wait and labor pains, it seemed that I was birthing more of my True Self. The real thing" (197).
"The tree full of butterflies spoke to me of the authenticity beginning to unfold inside of me, the wobbly new wings opening up...newness in my life...learning to lover herself and be in touch with her soul, to be here now, to become Delight and play with God" (198).
"still journey" ... "Overcoming my resistance to waiting meant coming to terms with the 'still journey.' I would have to give up the compulsion to keep my line moving at the world's pace. I would need to find my own pace, one that flowed with with rhythms of the earth and the Spirit, not with the frenzy of modern life." 11/28/09
Read again Jan 2020, with these results: https://lunawings.blogspot.com/2020/0...
"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the Spirit laughs for what it has found" (118).
"Love consists of this, that two solitudes protect, and border, and salute each other" (167).
"I'd spent a lot of my life wearing masks to fit the occasion, being everything to everybody even if that mean being someone other than myself. Now, after long months of passionate wait and labor pains, it seemed that I was birthing more of my True Self. The real thing" (197).
"The tree full of butterflies spoke to me of the authenticity beginning to unfold inside of me, the wobbly new wings opening up...newness in my life...learning to lover herself and be in touch with her soul, to be here now, to become Delight and play with God" (198).
"still journey" ... "Overcoming my resistance to waiting meant coming to terms with the 'still journey.' I would have to give up the compulsion to keep my line moving at the world's pace. I would need to find my own pace, one that flowed with with rhythms of the earth and the Spirit, not with the frenzy of modern life." 11/28/09
Read again Jan 2020, with these results: https://lunawings.blogspot.com/2020/0...
October 2, 2011
Amazing book! This is a book that needs to come into your life at the right time. If you are not connecting to it, then it is not the right time for you to read it. This book came to me at the perfect time and helped me to get through a long period of waiting and change. I don't recommend reading this book straight through quickly. It needs to be read slowly, one section at time.
June 28, 2011
This book has been a God-send to me throughout the years. I first read it during a difficult time in my life and it was instrumental in pulling me through. I have since bought copies for friends and relatives, some of whom feel the same way I do. For anyone dealing with a personal crisis or has ever faced an internal struggle at all, this book is a wonderful tool.
August 28, 2011
I loved this book because of the time I read it in my life when things were just not happening the way I thought there would professionally. Since I am comfortable in the reflection part of life, this books reminds you that the waiting period is where alot of your growth and learning occurs.
One of my favorite books I've read and often encourage others to read it too.
One of my favorite books I've read and often encourage others to read it too.
September 17, 2017
3.5 stars
December 27, 2017
I think that this book is a great read for anyone who is in a season of waiting as I am in or if you work in counseling others in times of crisis. I love how the author shares her story without speaking as if her way is the only way. She tells her story as if you are right there listening to her tell you about a hard season of life.
July 9, 2010
A must read for every woman.
January 8, 2012
I read this for the first time in October of 2006, actually -- it was loaned to me by my friend Lucy. Around the holidays I went out and bought myself my own copy (and one for my mother) and proceeded to start re-reading it, bit by bit. At the time, I was expecting a child through adoption and was trying to actively wait with patience and grace, which was really a challenge. This isn't why Sue Monk Kidd wrote her book, but that's the beauty of books -- we bring ourselves to them and sometimes find what we need. Her spirituality regarding waiting in our hurried-up world was a much-needed lens for me. Her writing is also quite lovely and she made me want to open up and write about my own experience.
October 12, 2012
I have read both The Secret Life of Bees and The Mermaid Chair; the author of those novels wrote this spiritual work some twelve years before writing the novels, and I very much enjoyed both the novels and this nonfiction book.
The essence of this book is that a vital part of the spiritual transformation process is waiting; that one cannot always be doing, but that one must also wait on God and on His timetable. The author’s main metaphor is that of the transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly; it is quite a leap of faith for a caterpillar to enter a chrysalis to become transformed.
This book also deals with midlife crises, and with the various kinds of traps that one can fall into. It is far easier to do rather than to wait, and in our day and age it is harder than ever to do nothing.
This little book about waiting is one that I may again read soon, as I fear that I may have read it far too quickly.
The essence of this book is that a vital part of the spiritual transformation process is waiting; that one cannot always be doing, but that one must also wait on God and on His timetable. The author’s main metaphor is that of the transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly; it is quite a leap of faith for a caterpillar to enter a chrysalis to become transformed.
This book also deals with midlife crises, and with the various kinds of traps that one can fall into. It is far easier to do rather than to wait, and in our day and age it is harder than ever to do nothing.
This little book about waiting is one that I may again read soon, as I fear that I may have read it far too quickly.
August 21, 2025
Best I can tell, Kidd wrote this book before Dance of the Dissident Daughter, although she had to have been working through several of the same themes.
Maybe it's because I'm 48 and on the cusp of several changes: becoming an empty nester, career changes, my husband's career changes, garden variety aging, and a ton of revelations about life over the past few years...but this book really spoke to me. I'm going to show some of my highlights, and just understand it isn't all of them.
I would've loved to have read this book back in 2018 or so as preparation for the past 5 years--has it only been 5 since then? It feels like a decade--but I typically have to learn everything the hard way so it probably wouldn't have done any good. At least Kidd's book has helped me make sense of the waiting I was doing and that I am, in some ways, still doing. Am I any more patient? Doubtful. Do I have a little more faith that things are falling in the way God wants them to fall? Absolutely.
Maybe it's because I'm 48 and on the cusp of several changes: becoming an empty nester, career changes, my husband's career changes, garden variety aging, and a ton of revelations about life over the past few years...but this book really spoke to me. I'm going to show some of my highlights, and just understand it isn't all of them.
I would've loved to have read this book back in 2018 or so as preparation for the past 5 years--has it only been 5 since then? It feels like a decade--but I typically have to learn everything the hard way so it probably wouldn't have done any good. At least Kidd's book has helped me make sense of the waiting I was doing and that I am, in some ways, still doing. Am I any more patient? Doubtful. Do I have a little more faith that things are falling in the way God wants them to fall? Absolutely.
June 14, 2014
I "discovered" Sue Monk Kidd when I finally read her breakout novel and watched the movie, "The Secret Life of Bees." I enjoyed so many things about her writing that I wanted to read more and was delighted to learn that she writes nonfiction as well as fiction.
In "When the Heart Waits," Kidd takes us along on her spiritual journey of discovering who she really is. She offers no simple answers or shortcuts. Like the ancients, she finds the spiritual disciplines of solitude and simplicity essential in finding our true selves. Waiting is not something we do well in 21st century North America; just as instant gratification is a reality for our physical needs, we expect spiritual transformation to happen on our timeline, not God's. But Kidd reminds that the transformation happens in the waiting - in the dark places - as illustrated by the cocoon and butterfly that emerges after a long period of darkness and waiting.
I rarely find a book (other than reference) that I want to keep going back to, but this is one.
In "When the Heart Waits," Kidd takes us along on her spiritual journey of discovering who she really is. She offers no simple answers or shortcuts. Like the ancients, she finds the spiritual disciplines of solitude and simplicity essential in finding our true selves. Waiting is not something we do well in 21st century North America; just as instant gratification is a reality for our physical needs, we expect spiritual transformation to happen on our timeline, not God's. But Kidd reminds that the transformation happens in the waiting - in the dark places - as illustrated by the cocoon and butterfly that emerges after a long period of darkness and waiting.
I rarely find a book (other than reference) that I want to keep going back to, but this is one.
August 4, 2020
Over 15 years ago a spiritual director pointed me to this book. Timing matters. I know that I read through Monk's personal journey, but it didn't resonate with me then. Now every page found home in me.
I cannot really read without writing and underlining, (nor can I write without reading). Happily, I realized this was a keeper and returned the library copy and got one of my own to enjoy and digest at leisure. As I write about life changes and the process of transition, I found Monk's thoughtful and personal approach wise and honest. She speaks of her midlife passage, which for her was her 40's. In my early 50's I find myself just now catching up to many of her soul experiences. Lovely weaving of one woman's story of change with the wisdom of a variety of other writers and thinkers. A treasure.
update: 4.5 stars. Even better the third time through. What a wise and honest companion. Thank you, Sue.
I cannot really read without writing and underlining, (nor can I write without reading). Happily, I realized this was a keeper and returned the library copy and got one of my own to enjoy and digest at leisure. As I write about life changes and the process of transition, I found Monk's thoughtful and personal approach wise and honest. She speaks of her midlife passage, which for her was her 40's. In my early 50's I find myself just now catching up to many of her soul experiences. Lovely weaving of one woman's story of change with the wisdom of a variety of other writers and thinkers. A treasure.
update: 4.5 stars. Even better the third time through. What a wise and honest companion. Thank you, Sue.
February 23, 2017
I love Kidd's novels, but this just is not my cup of tea. I realized that from the start, but thought it would be interesting to see what makes one of my favorite authors tick. However, at the halfway mark I'm calling it quits.
There are a couple of thoughts worth considering, like the value of waiting, or being still and processing and feeling the spirit, and the concepts of "I" and "They" and taking action to help yourself (like: why didn't Rapunzel chop her own hair off to make a ladder to get down?), but overall this comes across to me as the musings of a person when they are indulged in too much introspection. We thinkers can easily get too caught up in our inner process, and I recognize that here. Kidd doesn't whine at all, but she thinks too much. ;D ("Takes one to know one" working full strength here, and I have too many other books that I want to read to finish the second half of this one.)
There are a couple of thoughts worth considering, like the value of waiting, or being still and processing and feeling the spirit, and the concepts of "I" and "They" and taking action to help yourself (like: why didn't Rapunzel chop her own hair off to make a ladder to get down?), but overall this comes across to me as the musings of a person when they are indulged in too much introspection. We thinkers can easily get too caught up in our inner process, and I recognize that here. Kidd doesn't whine at all, but she thinks too much. ;D ("Takes one to know one" working full strength here, and I have too many other books that I want to read to finish the second half of this one.)
August 5, 2013
Spiritual crises. We all go through them. However, I never heard of a "Mid-life spiritual crises" until I read "When the Heart Waits". Recommended to me by Author, Ken Gire, I saw myself as if staring into a mirror.
Sue Monk Kidd, describes her own mid-life spiritual crises, with poignant, detailed stories of her own journey. Using the symbols that gave her a depth of understanding into her own soul, she takes you step by step down the path that completely altered her life, and set her on a new path and season of her life.
I recommend this book highly to anyone experiencing "North Winds" that have seemed to stir your insides like an unexpected tornado, and have left you feeling disoriented as you question the very foundation and system of all you've believed. You may not find answers, but what you will find, is clarity and insight through the reflective questions that she offers.
Sue Monk Kidd, describes her own mid-life spiritual crises, with poignant, detailed stories of her own journey. Using the symbols that gave her a depth of understanding into her own soul, she takes you step by step down the path that completely altered her life, and set her on a new path and season of her life.
I recommend this book highly to anyone experiencing "North Winds" that have seemed to stir your insides like an unexpected tornado, and have left you feeling disoriented as you question the very foundation and system of all you've believed. You may not find answers, but what you will find, is clarity and insight through the reflective questions that she offers.
December 5, 2014
I liked the book and her ideas about the chrysalis and the need to wait. I found she wrote a lot about God and is obviously religious and saw her evolution in relation to her relationship with God. That kind of turned me off because I am an agnostic. I don't see my evolution in relation to a God at all, I see it in relation to myself. I found that she relied very heavily on God and that I had to force myself to finish the book because I liked some of her ideas.
I like her fiction books a lot and I respect her as a writer and her own beliefs, I just couldn't relate to the religious aspect of her book.
I like her fiction books a lot and I respect her as a writer and her own beliefs, I just couldn't relate to the religious aspect of her book.
April 22, 2011
Good quotes throughout as she describes her midlife experiences and crisis of spirit. I quote: "Sacred intent of life, of God-to move us continuously toward growth, toward recovering all that is lost and orphaned within us and restoring the divine image imprinted on our soul." Another quote: "...the confetti of scars and torn places we would like to be rid of...how did we ever get the idea that God would supply us with quick fixes, that God is merely a rescuer and not a midwife?"
April 12, 2014
This is one of my top five favorite books of all time.
I know something about waiting, and yet, I know nothing about waiting. This book reopened my eyes to the holiness to be found in waiting.
I know something about waiting, and yet, I know nothing about waiting. This book reopened my eyes to the holiness to be found in waiting.
April 9, 2016
I have enjoyed every book I've read from Sue Monk Kidd - The Secret Life of Bees, The Invention of Wings. And When the Heart Waits did not disappoint either. She is clearly very well read and she has interwoven her love of books, from medieval Christian mystics to fairy tales to Jungian theorists to existential writers, into her very personal life journey. She is transparent, vulnerable, and patient to wait, all qualities that I admire. This book is a keeper that I will not pass on to others, except perhaps to gift them their own copy. It's a modern classic that speaks to deep truths that defy modern pop sugar solutions. Sue also has that tendency to see significance in the little things like I do. The small ironies and coincidences that seem unlikely, but form part of a greater whole that connect us to ourselves, to God, and to others at the same time. My body and spirit resonate with the message of this book. Let us have patience in our becoming and hope in things yet unseen.
April 2, 2015
Really loved this book--I would say 4.5 stars. It resonated with me to my very core. The only thing preventing me from giving it 5 stars is that I felt like many parts of it were repetitive (perhaps that's fine because I needed it said over and over to get the point), but I felt like some of the more poignant part were overshadowed by the parts that weren't as necessary. But as a whole I would say it's been a long time since I read a book and related to so many of the passages. I kept underlining things and taking notes--and reading parts of it to my husband. It was as if Sue Monk Kidd was speaking directly to me and my life at many of the parts. She was able to articulate feelings that I didn't even realize I had. So good.
October 2, 2013
I wish we could give half-stars to books! :) This was a lovely little book, just not one that I felt super jazzed about by the time I finished it. For some reason, some of the anecdotes almost felt forced, and even some of the Bible quotes. It didn't always feel like an organic flow.
My favorite parts, however, were the parts about the false selves and later, how she met and dismantled those false selves.
My favorite parts, however, were the parts about the false selves and later, how she met and dismantled those false selves.
May 7, 2022
Excellent book by a mature woman, writing beautifully about how we grow through difficult seasons. This is by far my favorite book by this author.
April 11, 2018
Wonderful... absolutely wonderful! I have my best friend from high school to thank for sending this to me almost three years ago. I have not been led to read it until now, and I am glad I... waited. Sue Monk Kidd is a truly gifted writer and describes my experience of mid-life spiritual transformation through the use of the main metaphor of butterfly metamorphosis. From resisting, crawling along in a diapause holding onto the old self, to being in a cocoon for the past 3 years... feeling the darkness and waiting as Christ was reforming in me. Spiritual transformation is never an easy or pretty process. Sue empathizes sharing her personal experience along with the experience and insights with those of countless great writers and theologians (Merton, Nouwen, St. Theresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, de Chardin, de Caussade, de Mello, Eckhart, Kierkegaard) as she weaves scriptural references and apologetics into a catechism for mid-life metamorphosis.
While there is no substitute for a good spiritual director, and I am so grateful to have one I treasure meeting with monthly, reading this book was like having Sue walking alongside in the journey, just a half-step ahead directing and reflecting in a way that brings catharsis along with new wings.
While there is no substitute for a good spiritual director, and I am so grateful to have one I treasure meeting with monthly, reading this book was like having Sue walking alongside in the journey, just a half-step ahead directing and reflecting in a way that brings catharsis along with new wings.
October 30, 2012
This book is full of very touching analogies, that have given added dimensions - (effective ways to apply our darkest times, into a healthy, new beginning)
"I said to my soul, be still, and wait.....
So the darkness shall be the light,
and the stillness the dancing."
"The shell must be cracked apart if what is in it is to come out, for if you want the kernel, you must break the shell.". Meister Eckhart
Psychiatrist Scott Peck says, "Pain won't kill you, but running from it might.". Here is one of the more valuable lessons I learned: avoiding pain, rather than having the discipline and courage to confront it and live it through, only compounds suffering in the long run. The escape hatches people create in attempts to avoid or numb pain can actually be worse than the experience of pain they sought to avoid in the first place."
"As long as we seek to escape from our various "hells" into freedom from pain, we remain irremediably ( impossible to remedy/correct) bound; we can emerge from the pains of hell in one way only -- by accepting another kind of suffering, the suffering which is purging."
"I said to my soul, be still, and wait.....
So the darkness shall be the light,
and the stillness the dancing."
"The shell must be cracked apart if what is in it is to come out, for if you want the kernel, you must break the shell.". Meister Eckhart
Psychiatrist Scott Peck says, "Pain won't kill you, but running from it might.". Here is one of the more valuable lessons I learned: avoiding pain, rather than having the discipline and courage to confront it and live it through, only compounds suffering in the long run. The escape hatches people create in attempts to avoid or numb pain can actually be worse than the experience of pain they sought to avoid in the first place."
"As long as we seek to escape from our various "hells" into freedom from pain, we remain irremediably ( impossible to remedy/correct) bound; we can emerge from the pains of hell in one way only -- by accepting another kind of suffering, the suffering which is purging."
November 29, 2024
This is one of the most spiritual refreshing books I’ve read in a long time. I mostly listened to it on morning walks but would come back to the hard copy to write things down or underline. I appreciated Sue Monk Kidd’s vulnerability and resonated with her journey to appreciate seasons of waiting and allowing space for her authentic self to emerge in God. I was challenged and deeply encouraged. She won me over quickly by quoting Thomas Merton, Hildegard von Bingen, Henri Nouwen and many other spiritual writers.
“The soul craves experiences that offer it the rich depths of God. Silence, solitude, holy leisure, simplicity, prayer, journaling, the Eucharist, rituals that touch the space of Mystery, symbols and images, the Bible, laughter, delight in the Presence, deep encounters with creation, and the merciful coming together of human hearts. All these feed the soul, producing energy for living the transformed life. When I fail to feed my soul, I soon notice that I have less strength for living authentically…That’s when I need to return to deeper pockets and replenish my soul. There’s truth in Psalm 23: allowing oneself to be led by still waters really does restore the soul.”
“The soul craves experiences that offer it the rich depths of God. Silence, solitude, holy leisure, simplicity, prayer, journaling, the Eucharist, rituals that touch the space of Mystery, symbols and images, the Bible, laughter, delight in the Presence, deep encounters with creation, and the merciful coming together of human hearts. All these feed the soul, producing energy for living the transformed life. When I fail to feed my soul, I soon notice that I have less strength for living authentically…That’s when I need to return to deeper pockets and replenish my soul. There’s truth in Psalm 23: allowing oneself to be led by still waters really does restore the soul.”
October 7, 2016
I love Kidd's writing! This book is full of gems. At times she perfectly describes feelings I have or have had in the past. She is talking about the dark times of waiting that we each have and compares it to the cocoon before a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. We often feel at these times that nothing is happening and we grow weary of waiting. But she points out that during these times, we can be growing and changing the most on the inside if we can remain patient and put forth a little effort. I find that an important truth that is often overlooked. I love this perspective. Her writings are pretty personal here and frankly I didn't identify with them all but I appreciate the sharing of her journey. We may not share an exact religion but we do share a common faith.
November 30, 2011
Sue Monk Kidd articulates her spiritual and psychological struggle through her midlife journey. Her quests are grounded in the Bible, Christian spiritual writing, contemporary spitituality and psychology. She shares some profound experiences of personal spiritual breakthroughs.
She compares the "waiting process" of becoming your "true Self' and giving birth to the Christ within as the catapillar developing in chrysallis of the cocoon. During this waiting time being nutured by Mother nature until ready to be transformed or (re)birthed into a butterfly.( by a "mothering" God to teach us birth and rebirth).
Any one looking for spiritual insight can benefit from "When The Heart Waits".
She compares the "waiting process" of becoming your "true Self' and giving birth to the Christ within as the catapillar developing in chrysallis of the cocoon. During this waiting time being nutured by Mother nature until ready to be transformed or (re)birthed into a butterfly.( by a "mothering" God to teach us birth and rebirth).
Any one looking for spiritual insight can benefit from "When The Heart Waits".
April 23, 2021
I didn’t realize that this book predates The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by a couple of years. That made it even more interesting to me because that means it also predates Sue Monk Kidd’s awakening. As another reviewer suggested, it was fascinating to see her struggle, to read her trying to force “new wine into old bottles” as the change literature says.
Like the reviewer, Marianne, I was caught off guard a bit by the pretty much nonstop references to Scripture, but this book was fascinating for this time in my life, especially in its references to the still point within and the concept of active waiting.
Like the reviewer, Marianne, I was caught off guard a bit by the pretty much nonstop references to Scripture, but this book was fascinating for this time in my life, especially in its references to the still point within and the concept of active waiting.
October 30, 2025
I am thankful for Sue Monk Kidd (a beautiful soul!) and the very personal and spiritual journey she shares with us in this book. It is for anyone I suppose, but better for those in or near midlife.
Though my journey has been different than hers and my perspective different in parts, I so appreciate her authenticity. And I gleaned so much from the metaphors, symbolism and analogies she shares, as well as the personal stories of growth and wonderings/wanderings.
“Not all who WONDER are lost.” 😊
Though my journey has been different than hers and my perspective different in parts, I so appreciate her authenticity. And I gleaned so much from the metaphors, symbolism and analogies she shares, as well as the personal stories of growth and wonderings/wanderings.
“Not all who WONDER are lost.” 😊
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