The Satan Seller

by Mike Warnke, Dave Balsiger, Les James

A former Satanist high priest reveals the demonic forces behind the fastest growing and most deadly occult religion in the world.

Genres: Biography, Christian, Religion, Nonfiction, Christianity, Autobiography, Spirituality

214 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1973

About the author

Michael Alfred "Mike" Warnke is an American Christian evangelist and comedian who was exposed in 1992 for inventing stories of his alleged past as a Satanist. Before being debunked, he was viewed as an "expert" on Satanism in the 1980s.

Reviews

[Tim · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I believed as a Christian (and for all you poopyheads that suggest that I was never saved in the first place, consider the experiences that I had, the way that my life was quite literally changed and my love for the Christian God; if you can dismiss those 10+ years of my life as fantasy, than it was truly a Christian fantasy perpetrated by your Christian God), Mike Warnke was a hero and an inspiration to me. I had purchased nearly all of his audio/comedy tapes, a couple of VHS tapes and was so 'led' by the spirit to minister to other people because of his phenomenal testimony, that I considered him one of Christs greatest works, comparable to the great Saul of Tarsus. The Satan Seller is a roller coaster of emotion, empathy and conviction; not that it was written exceptionally well, but that the content demonstrated a perfect loving and forgiving God, whose depths of wonder and spirituality, were indescribable.
Are these acolytes warranted?
No. Several years after the release of the Satan Seller, a Christian organization (Cornerstone Magazine) didn't seem to think the testimony was entirely accurate. They started researching the time line, the events, the people mentioned and other details and they discovered a horrible secret concealed within the pages of the Satan Seller: Mike Warnke was more full of shit than a Port-O-Potty at the 'all you can eat Ex-Lax festival'.
None of the photos that were found of Mike during the times that he was an alleged Satanic High Priest/drug dealer/all around unsavory douche bag, resembled his description of himself AT ALL. None of the people that correctly identified by name were involved in any of the dealings, ritual sacrifices, etc that Mike claimed. Not one person involved in this global Satanic conspiracy has EVER been found (which should have been easy, since the initiates had the pinky finger or the middle finger of the left hand removed). Not one signed affidavit of the hundreds of people that Mike mentioned in his book has ever surfaced.
I could go on, but you get the point.
Learning this truth hurt me in a deep and personal way, and I hope that if Mike has any decency, he will admit to his lies and move on. As of this date, he has NOT a confessed anything, and furthermore, states that he is under attack by those that would seek to suppress the truth.
Mike, if that is so, how did you book get published in the first place?
Enough.
The Satan Seller is an interesting read from a historical perspective and during the 80's, the Satanic Panic was in full effect; this book offers a window into that madness if you were not a part of it while it was happening. From someone who was there, it was scary as Hell. Mike only fanned the flames so that he could obtain wealth, fame and whatever else he desired. He also got to watch it all slip away as even the most devout Christian Chowder-head had to admit that it was all a load of crap. Mike may as well just shit inside of a blank book and sold it was Noah droppings.
Suck it, Mike.
suck it hard and suck it long.

[Bert · Rating 1 out of 5]

I F**KING HATED THIS BOOK!

It’s nonsense, it’s absurd claptrap from a ridiculous man that just exudes weakness, who isn’t willing to accept any responsibility for any of his wrongdoings, and is just an absolute idiot.

Satanic panic of the worst kind, the kind that’s written by a born-again Christian. So bad, so so so so bad.

I got this as a gift, along with Michelle Remembers, which I also hated, from a friend, I appreciated the gift but damn these books were horrendous.

I’d give this book half a star if I could.

[Sheryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the book interesting reading but I was not at all surprised to discover most of it was fabricated. The author gloried in the horrors of his supposed past life an awful lot for someone who had supposedly repented (turned in the opposite direction), but the more I disbelieved the more his hubris fascinated me. I suppose much of the interest was "is he self-deluded, or deliberately lying?", and I should probably re-read it in light of Mike Hertenstein's Selling Satan.

[Geraldine O'Hagan · Rating 1 out of 5]

A paranoid egotist spins his substance abuse issues, mental health problems and perpetration of domestic abuse into a sales pitch for his latest cult - Christianity

Apparently Jesus has no problems with his being a misogynistic rapist and massive liar. So that’s nice for him, I guess?

[Maha · Rating 1 out of 5]

this was hilariously bad. I can’t give it more than 1 star in good conscience but I had lots of fun

[Jayne Beddoe · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this because I want to listen to the podcast about it.

I've heard it was all lies which I can believe, however, real or imaginary, this psycho Mike Warnke does not apologise for the horrible things he's supposedly done. Misogyny, sexual assault, animal abuse, cannibalism, domestic violence, seemingly being fine with having what he refers to as slaves (essentially sex slaves) etc. Even if it is all made up surely you would act really ashamed of these things if you end up being saved by Jesus. Instead he invents some bullshit story about a victim of his abuse claiming she loves him because of Jesus so he obviously thinks he's off the hook. He is clearly just your average liar disguising his controlling and abusive tendencies as being because of religion like your average Christian fundamentalist with this ridiculous fake testimony.

It's funny in some parts because it's so stupid and I read the whole thing like that crazy Sparkle Motion lady from Donnie Darko was narrating because in some parts it's so over the top alarmist so that makes it quite entertaining to read but I've given it one star because he's a prat.

Also he goes into the most minute detail about pointless stuff but then glosses over how apparently there were two attempts on his life while he was in satanism but he doesn't mention this at all when he's going on about his time as a Satan priest or whatever they are called. Plus he acts like he's irresistible to women but I've googled him and that is clearly another one of his lies because just look at him. In his dreams.

[Bret · Rating 1 out of 5]

Testimony porn at its worst.

Many evangelicals like to brag about their sinful ways and exploits with sex and drugs before being born again, to the point that it becomes boastful and self-indulgent. There's plenty of that here. What makes Warnke's confession especially offensive is that it didn't happen. His satanic past has been debunked.

And so we are left with gratuitous stories of the sacrificing of human babies and the abduction and ceremonial rape of women, and more... products of Warnke's warped imagination, recounted in graphic detail, supposedly for the sake of praising God, but clearly he relishes the sexual sadism of the stories he's telling.

This book exemplifies just how morally corrupt evangelical Christianity can be.

[Matthew Ciarvella · Rating 1 out of 5]

Book was recommended to me. Despite the low rating, I had a very good time reading this book, although not for the reasons the author intended.

[Zachariah · Rating 1 out of 5]

The more interesting part is learning how this influential Christian comedian was taken down.

[Cayce Oswalt · Rating 1 out of 5]

Have you ever read erotic fiction written by a virgin? It's usually pretty obvious that a virgin wrote it. They just tend to get really excited about imagining what it must be like, so they let the fantasy run wild. They end up writing all kinds of unusual situations, absurd dialogue, and there's usually something outright impossible thrown in, too. Instead of doing even the bare minimum research, they arrogantly assume they can adequately imagine what it must be like, and they prove themselves spectacularly wrong. The only people who could possibly believe what was written are other clueless virgins, and even some of them read it and think, "this isn't realistic at all."

Anyway, I read this when I was a teenager who was still desperately trying to get themself to believe in the God they professed to love so much every week. My dad recommended this book because it talked about the dangers of Satanism. I was interested because if this guy was a Satanic High Priest, then Satan must be real. And if I can prove that Satan is real, then that's proof that God is real, and I'll finally be able to believe, right?

And as a virgin to heathen beliefs, I tried desperately to believe that this guy had actually been a Satanic High Priest. But I went along with it like I went along with believing in Santa for my parents: it's obviously wrong, but I get more out of believing it's right, so we'll just pretend.

As an adult looking back, the most surprising thing about the Cornerstone investigation and fraud reveal is that it was a surprise in the first place. The book is unbelievable unless you're desperate to believe it. But that's the summary of the Satanic Panic: wild, absurd claims that are supposed to portray an imaginary mortal threat, only realistic to people desperate to believe them.

[Walt Murray · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book at least twice in high school and college, and in my second reading began to feel that there were some serious inconsistencies (for example, the name of his wife in the book and on stage were totally different). As I moved away from flirting with Pentecostalism I shelved this book. A few years later I learned that others had seen some of the same problems and were able to expose Warnke as a fraud. I wish he had the class to come out and admit the lies, and that until he does so that churches and organizations would refuse to allow him to have the pulpit or stage. This is a pathetic example of a bad guy taking advantage of trusting people.

[Jeremy Brunk · Rating 1 out of 5]

My uber religious Aunt gave me this to read when I was really young and it was outstanding and such an unreal story. Well it was just that. It was total bullshit. I had it all and went and googled Mike Warnke and ruined everything.
Obviously I would rather know the truth. Dude is and was a con artist.

[Rick Lee Lee James · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not just a badly written book, it’s a completely made up book from a fraud Christian comedian. Mike Warnke had so much talent and was such a funny comedian, but his made up story about being a high priest in the church of Satan is not laughably bad. It’s terribly writing, it fueled Satanic Panic in the 80’s, and is frankly misogynistic. The fact that Christians ever bought what was sold in this book says more about the disconnectedness of evangelicalism to discipleship than it does to Warnke’s snake oil salesmanship.

[Amanda Hudgins · Rating 1 out of 5]

tw: Christian fundamentalism, sexual assault, rape, drug use, drug overdose

This is so wildly impossible I am shocked it needed debunking.

Every now and then, Warnke will bookend his tall tales with “it’s so crazy and out there but it definitely happened” and no, it did not.

The biggest sign that he is absolutely full of shit is that every single woman he interacts with is somehow stunning and wants to fuck him.

[vismundcygnus · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book in high school because I thought books about simpering weenies raving about Satan was entertaining and ridiculously absurd. Decades later my feelings have not changed. It was 50 cents at Goodwill but it should have been free. I doubt anything in this book really happened, to be honest.

[Liz Novak · Rating 1 out of 5]

Worst book I've ever read! Going outside to burn it right now.

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the worst piece of shit I have ever read.

[Lamees · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's a good thing the writer chose to be a comedian

[Roberto Jara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read this in high school. Seemed far fetched back then and has been exposed to be all made up. A perfect example of evangelical Christianity’s total shamelessness.

[Amelia Young · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would give 0 stars if I could. Completely fabricated and a driver of the Satanic Panic moral panic in the US.

[Bob German · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was given this book a long, long time ago as a curious, wide-eyed early teen, by a guy who, looking back, was uber-religious and pretty creepy, and probably wanted to molest me. The crazy thing about books like this, is that just like "Go Ask Alice," it's far more likely to encourage someone to experiment with the "forbidden fruit" than to scare them away from it. I mean who doesn't want to be able to set things on fire with their mind? Looking back, it's far easier to see the author as a cheesy scam artist out to make a buck from impressional folks like the creepy religious whackjob that gave me the book, or from impressional young teens, probably to lure them into the protective arms of a creepy abusive church. Fortunately for me, there were girls around and available to distract me from such pointless temptations.

[Sarah Rigg · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this a long time ago, so it's possible that I'm not remembering the whole sequence of events correctly, but this is what I recall!

I was a very pious evangelical Christian as a preteen/teen and mostly only listened to Christian pop music. It was probably at our local Christian bookstore that I found LP albums of Warnke's comedy act, that of course included some proselytizing.

Becoming interested in his views on Satanism, I either purchased this book or was gifted it as a present by my parents. Even at age 13 or 14 when I read it, I found parts of it a little unlikely, though it was lurid and compelling in a weird way, as well.

Warnke has since been discredited as a big-time liar and probably made most of the book up. Weirdly entertaining in parts, but NOT recommended.

[Chris (thebookaholic) Padgett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well at the time I really liked this book, because like most people who read it they thought the story was in fact an authentic biography. We had a few of his tapes, and I can remember even going to see him live once when I was a kid. I loved his comedy and approach to ministry! It was in the late eighties I think, when his ministry was called into question. It was reported that he was never a satanic priest, nor had he been in the military, etc. It was a mess! Hard to take someone seriously who based his whole ministry on a lie.

[Curtis Sweitzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book Years ago long before anyone raised any questions about it's authentication or truthfulness. Whether this story is true or not is still not relevant to me.
The message that I received from this book was it is okay to be different and you do not have to be a cookie cutter Christian. This philosophy I have taken totally into my life. For this alone I rate this book high and had a chance to personally thank Mike for this message and for all of his humorous album's which sadly he no longer does.

[Hana Faber · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is wild. I definitely 100% believe every word. You should definitely read it.

(I don't want to dive into spoiler territory but even though I read this as an amusing fiction of one man's attempt to market satanism by concocting what he strives hard to market as his accidental slide into a cult at the hands - or fingers - of others, CW for rape/sexual assault and an extremely casual attitude towards drugs/addiction etc. so it's not for anyone who may struggle with those topics.
BUT EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD DEFINITELY READ THIS, not least because I want someone to talk about it with me).

[Edwina Book Anaconda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Met the man, bought the book, found it funny and fascinating.
Many, many years later, I found out that he wasn't whom he professed to be.
He made up the entire thing.
If he ever decides to re-issue the book then he needs to change the title to The Book of Lies.

My 5 star rating reflects how I felt upon reading it over 25 years ago.
It's still a good book but it needs to be read as the fiction that it is.

[Elyse T. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't actually read this in full, I read excepts and listened to the You're Wrong About 3 episode series about this book. Just leaving this here so I remember I know what this is and how it's terrible, fake and outdated and also hilarious.

[Rob Roy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Filled with lies

[Priest Apostate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I can't give this a '0'.

[Belinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting