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کاندیدای ریاست جمهوری
"I have pretty much made up my mind to run for President. What the country wants is a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history..."
کتاب صوتی
ترجمه: احسان لطفی
خوانش : بهزاد نمازی
کتاب صوتی
ترجمه: احسان لطفی
خوانش : بهزاد نمازی
- GenresShort StoriesHumor
Audiobook
First published January 1, 1879
2 people are currently reading
75 people want to read
About the author
Mark Twain
8,852 books18.7k followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
September 14, 2018
بهترین توصیف سیاستمدارها
June 6, 2021
98.12.15
داستان کوتاه ولی خیلی جالبی بود، البته جا برای بیشتر شدن داشت
پسِ ذهن سیاستمداران، اگر نگوییم همهشان، بیش از نود درصدشان، دقیقا همین میگذرد که مارک تواین در این داستان کوتاه دوازدهبرگی گفت. چیزی که آنها به مردم میگویند درست 180 درجه با آن متفاوت است. اگر بتوانند خانواده و بستگانشان را هم قربانی خواستههایشان میکنند. آدمها برایشان چیزی جز فرصت و شماره نیستند و تنها چیزی که ارزش دارد، تبدیل آنها به ارز رایج است.
او انتظار دارد مردم به او رای بدهند چون میپندارد که از این بدتر و کثیفتر نمیتوان زندگی کرد و اعترافات او راستگوییاش را میرساند! ولی به گفتنهی ویکتور هوگو، آدمهایی هستند که تجربه را برای بدتر شدن و زشتتر شدنِ هر چه بیشتر، بهکار میبرند. (بینوایان- نقل به مضمون)
هر گاه مردم، شخصیتهایی را بدترین تاریخ نامیدهاند، تاریخ بدتر از آن را نشانشان دادهاست، پس هر کس میتواند بسیار بدتر از چیزی شود که خود بدترینَش میپندارد!
داستان کوتاه ولی خیلی جالبی بود، البته جا برای بیشتر شدن داشت
پسِ ذهن سیاستمداران، اگر نگوییم همهشان، بیش از نود درصدشان، دقیقا همین میگذرد که مارک تواین در این داستان کوتاه دوازدهبرگی گفت. چیزی که آنها به مردم میگویند درست 180 درجه با آن متفاوت است. اگر بتوانند خانواده و بستگانشان را هم قربانی خواستههایشان میکنند. آدمها برایشان چیزی جز فرصت و شماره نیستند و تنها چیزی که ارزش دارد، تبدیل آنها به ارز رایج است.
او انتظار دارد مردم به او رای بدهند چون میپندارد که از این بدتر و کثیفتر نمیتوان زندگی کرد و اعترافات او راستگوییاش را میرساند! ولی به گفتنهی ویکتور هوگو، آدمهایی هستند که تجربه را برای بدتر شدن و زشتتر شدنِ هر چه بیشتر، بهکار میبرند. (بینوایان- نقل به مضمون)
هر گاه مردم، شخصیتهایی را بدترین تاریخ نامیدهاند، تاریخ بدتر از آن را نشانشان دادهاست، پس هر کس میتواند بسیار بدتر از چیزی شود که خود بدترینَش میپندارد!
February 28, 2025
『هو النور』
خندهی تلخ من از گریه غمانگیزتر است"
کارم از گریه گذشته است بدان میخندم"
آنقدر جالب بود که به محض تمام شدن کتاب، دوباره آن را برای مادرم بازخوانی کردم.
در قالب طنز نکتههای تلخی از جمله فدا کردن عدالت و انسانیت برای رسیدن به قدرت، شهرت و ثروت را بیان میکند.
_جمعه ۱۰ اسفند ۱۴۰۳
خندهی تلخ من از گریه غمانگیزتر است"
کارم از گریه گذشته است بدان میخندم"
آنقدر جالب بود که به محض تمام شدن کتاب، دوباره آن را برای مادرم بازخوانی کردم.
در قالب طنز نکتههای تلخی از جمله فدا کردن عدالت و انسانیت برای رسیدن به قدرت، شهرت و ثروت را بیان میکند.
_جمعه ۱۰ اسفند ۱۴۰۳
November 7, 2025
A Presidential Candidate by Mark Twain
My review will be along the lines of A Presidential Candidate vs. Monsters Inc.
Samuel Clemens Langhorne aka Mark Twain is hilarious even when approaching such a crucial subject as a presidential election.
The point of the short story could not be more serious and noteworthy nowadays. Look at what happens when people elect a Putin in Russia, or a Chavez and then a Chavez-puppet in Venezuela, in South Africa a Jacob Zuma- who spends $ 20,000,000 of tax payers’ money on…his exorbitant ranch.
The rich world is not short of comic leaders: Hollande is caught on a scooter, running to his ex-girlfriend (they’re separated today), leaving another- “First- Girlfriend” of France in the Elysee Palace, to smash the place up. This man had had four children, with a political rival he never married. Soap opera stuff in Italy too, where common sense people have voted for a man keen on bunga-bunga parties and under aged prostitutes, for whom he calls the police to get them out of trouble…and he is still popular in spite, or because of being convicted.
With real histories like that, Mark Twain’s character’s decision to run for the highest office makes sense, and perhaps he would have made a great candidate and even president, although in real life comedians, funny guys can prove to be disasters as politicians: look again at Italy and Peppe Grillo, who is against almost anything, even decent proposals, blocking at times Italy’s way out of stagnation.
The fictional candidature of Mark Twain comes clean with his record: he had chased his grandfather up a tree, with a gun, but the old man snored. This candidate never stole a thesis, to claim a fake degree, as the likeliest future president of my county did.
Come to think of it, this candidate of a party of thieves and crooks is more uproariously ridiculous than the candidate in the story. He seems to come out of Me Myself and Irene, with his schizophrenic attitude: as a PM I am for it, but will vote it down as a MP…
One principle seems to be universal, if not applicable in Scandinavia: “take any kind of money I can get” …he buries his dead aunt under the grapevine.
Other “principles” in this short tale are shared by some of today’s leaders: “desiccate the poor workingman: stuff him into sausages”
If that is not feasible, send your KGB to London and stuff him with Polonius radiation, if he talks and opposes you too much. Then, because we want the Ukraine, parts of Georgia, Moldova and will see what else (some of the Baltics come to mind) will make sausages of whoever comes across…damn it, the whole world if we need to, in order to make our beloved Soviet Union back together again.
Looking at Putin, Kim the Youngest and Fattest, Zuma, Assad, the Venezuelan truck driver duro Maduro and many others- I come to the conclusion that, although hilarious, The Presidential Candidate is as naive, innocent and pure as a baby, compared with this present day Monsters Inc
My review will be along the lines of A Presidential Candidate vs. Monsters Inc.
Samuel Clemens Langhorne aka Mark Twain is hilarious even when approaching such a crucial subject as a presidential election.
The point of the short story could not be more serious and noteworthy nowadays. Look at what happens when people elect a Putin in Russia, or a Chavez and then a Chavez-puppet in Venezuela, in South Africa a Jacob Zuma- who spends $ 20,000,000 of tax payers’ money on…his exorbitant ranch.
The rich world is not short of comic leaders: Hollande is caught on a scooter, running to his ex-girlfriend (they’re separated today), leaving another- “First- Girlfriend” of France in the Elysee Palace, to smash the place up. This man had had four children, with a political rival he never married. Soap opera stuff in Italy too, where common sense people have voted for a man keen on bunga-bunga parties and under aged prostitutes, for whom he calls the police to get them out of trouble…and he is still popular in spite, or because of being convicted.
With real histories like that, Mark Twain’s character’s decision to run for the highest office makes sense, and perhaps he would have made a great candidate and even president, although in real life comedians, funny guys can prove to be disasters as politicians: look again at Italy and Peppe Grillo, who is against almost anything, even decent proposals, blocking at times Italy’s way out of stagnation.
The fictional candidature of Mark Twain comes clean with his record: he had chased his grandfather up a tree, with a gun, but the old man snored. This candidate never stole a thesis, to claim a fake degree, as the likeliest future president of my county did.
Come to think of it, this candidate of a party of thieves and crooks is more uproariously ridiculous than the candidate in the story. He seems to come out of Me Myself and Irene, with his schizophrenic attitude: as a PM I am for it, but will vote it down as a MP…
One principle seems to be universal, if not applicable in Scandinavia: “take any kind of money I can get” …he buries his dead aunt under the grapevine.
Other “principles” in this short tale are shared by some of today’s leaders: “desiccate the poor workingman: stuff him into sausages”
If that is not feasible, send your KGB to London and stuff him with Polonius radiation, if he talks and opposes you too much. Then, because we want the Ukraine, parts of Georgia, Moldova and will see what else (some of the Baltics come to mind) will make sausages of whoever comes across…damn it, the whole world if we need to, in order to make our beloved Soviet Union back together again.
Looking at Putin, Kim the Youngest and Fattest, Zuma, Assad, the Venezuelan truck driver duro Maduro and many others- I come to the conclusion that, although hilarious, The Presidential Candidate is as naive, innocent and pure as a baby, compared with this present day Monsters Inc
August 12, 2016
You may read online at LibraryofAmerica.
“Mark Twain as a Presidential Candidate” appeared in 1879, the year before the race between James A. Garfield, the Republican candidate, and Winfield Scott Hancock, the Democrat. Although Twain found much to ridicule in politics and politicians, he was hardly reluctant to get involved or curry favor. A jubilant supporter of Garfield’s bid for the presidency, he delivered a mocking “funeral oration” for the Democratic Party at an election night victory celebration in Hartford.
Opening lines:
I have pretty much made up my mind to run for President. What the country wants is a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history, so that the enemies of the party will be unable to rake up anything against him that nobody ever heard of before. If you know the worst about a candidate, to begin with, every attempt to spring things on him will be checkmated.
“Mark Twain as a Presidential Candidate” appeared in 1879, the year before the race between James A. Garfield, the Republican candidate, and Winfield Scott Hancock, the Democrat. Although Twain found much to ridicule in politics and politicians, he was hardly reluctant to get involved or curry favor. A jubilant supporter of Garfield’s bid for the presidency, he delivered a mocking “funeral oration” for the Democratic Party at an election night victory celebration in Hartford.
Opening lines:
I have pretty much made up my mind to run for President. What the country wants is a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history, so that the enemies of the party will be unable to rake up anything against him that nobody ever heard of before. If you know the worst about a candidate, to begin with, every attempt to spring things on him will be checkmated.
July 29, 2019
توصیفش راجع به سیاشت مدارا جالب بود ولی خیلی کوتاه بود یکم باید ادامه میداد
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February 5, 2023Admito que não gostei do livro. Hoje em dia o humor evolui muito rapidamente e passa a obsoleto do dia para a noite, senti que o livro está um pouco datado. Para mais, em 2023, com todos os escândalos da governação, este livro sabe a muito pouco. Admiro o sarcasmo, os tópicos e muitas das ideias de Twain. Mas como a realidade em comparação está tão absurda, todos os escândalos deste livro parecem uma benção. Tristes vão os tempos, conclui-se? Ainda assim, dum livro que não gostei, tiro estas e outras reflexões. Obrigado sr. Twain.
September 24, 2023
muito cansadinho
June 6, 2018
No humor, na argúcia argumentativa e na sátira de faca afiada, este conjunto de textos mostra-nos Mark Twain no seu melhor.
August 26, 2022
روایتی طعنهآمیز و سیاسی که در ابتدای داستان، مخاطب گمان بر این میبرد که راوی داستان یک انسان درستکار و شریف است که بر صداقت خود تاکید دارد و میخواهد با رئیس جمهور شدن به کشورش خدمت کند اما رفته رفته با نزدیک شدن به پایان داستان درمیابیم که انسانی فاسد است. این روایت، طعنهایست به سیاستمدارانی که هنگام کاندید شدن در انتخابات وعدههای بزرگ میدهند و خود را شرافتمند نشان میدهند اما پس از رسیدن به قدرت وعدههایشان را فراموش میکنند و چهرهی واقعی خود را نشان میدهند.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 13, 2023
This 3-page read really helped me gain on my reading challenge.
Very funny and satirical way of approaching politics though!
Very funny and satirical way of approaching politics though!
June 9, 2021
شعار محوری من این خواهد بود: «کارگران فقیر را خشک کنید و از آنها کالباس بسازید!»
چقد خوبه این مارک تواین!
داستان از سری حرفهای یک نفره که کاندیدای ریاستجمهوری شده. بهحق میشه گفت از کاندیداهای ما بهتره چون حداقل تزویر نمیکنه و روراسته. در ضمن قول میده یه هیولا هم باقی بمونه :)
«راستش من از آدمهای فقیر هیچ خوشم نمیآید. من به این موضوع اعتقاد دارم که آدمهای بیچیز، با توجه به وضعیت کنونیشان، موجودات بی مصرفی هستند. اینجور آدمها، به صورت قطعه قطعهشده و کنسرو شده، شاید به درد چاق شدن بومیهای آدمخوار جزایر دور افتاده بخورند. در این صورت، میتوانند تجارت خارجی ما را با این مناطق رونق ببخشند.»
«من خودم را توصیه میکنم. دیگر مورد اعتمادتر از من چه کسی را پیدا خواهند مرد؟! انسانی که با اعمالی مطلقا کثیف آغاز خواهد میکند و پیشنهاد میکند که تا پایان هم یک هیولا باقی بماند.»
چقد خوبه این مارک تواین!
داستان از سری حرفهای یک نفره که کاندیدای ریاستجمهوری شده. بهحق میشه گفت از کاندیداهای ما بهتره چون حداقل تزویر نمیکنه و روراسته. در ضمن قول میده یه هیولا هم باقی بمونه :)
«راستش من از آدمهای فقیر هیچ خوشم نمیآید. من به این موضوع اعتقاد دارم که آدمهای بیچیز، با توجه به وضعیت کنونیشان، موجودات بی مصرفی هستند. اینجور آدمها، به صورت قطعه قطعهشده و کنسرو شده، شاید به درد چاق شدن بومیهای آدمخوار جزایر دور افتاده بخورند. در این صورت، میتوانند تجارت خارجی ما را با این مناطق رونق ببخشند.»
«من خودم را توصیه میکنم. دیگر مورد اعتمادتر از من چه کسی را پیدا خواهند مرد؟! انسانی که با اعمالی مطلقا کثیف آغاز خواهد میکند و پیشنهاد میکند که تا پایان هم یک هیولا باقی بماند.»
July 28, 2020
In this story, Mark Twain describes his detest towards politicians in general in the form of a person who wants to run for the presidential elections and by describing his awful past records and personal character.
:در پابان داستان می خوانیم
اما من خودم را توصیه می کنم. دیگر مورد اعتمادتر از من چه کسی را پیدا خواهند کرد؟ انسانی که با اعمالی مطلقا کثیف آغاز می کند و پیشنهاد می کند که تا پایان هم یک هیولا باقی بماند
:در پابان داستان می خوانیم
اما من خودم را توصیه می کنم. دیگر مورد اعتمادتر از من چه کسی را پیدا خواهند کرد؟ انسانی که با اعمالی مطلقا کثیف آغاز می کند و پیشنهاد می کند که تا پایان هم یک هیولا باقی بماند
January 15, 2022
É uma leitura muito pertinente em tempos de eleições, mesmo que Twain se refira aos Estados Unidos de finais do século XIX, numa sociedade recém saída da Guerra Civil, e eu viva em Portugal, ainda em pandemia. Os temas são conhecidos de todos os que vivem em democracias representativas, cheias de falhas mas ainda as melhores: candidatos em campanhas nem sempre limpas; práticas parlamentares bizantinas e sectarismo partidário.
February 5, 2023
“ …Para retomar a ideia inicial: sou levado a crer que o mundo foi iludido de modo a adoptar uma noção falsa e assaz perniciosa de coerência- e de tal forma, que o homem converteu completamente o que está certo e o que está errado, e se orgulha de ser corrente, imutável, impassível , fossilizado, ao invés de reconhecer nessa crença a sua maior humilhação “
August 19, 2020
Completely actual.
Factual. Hilarious. Smart.
Mark Twain is corrosive and implacable.
Factual. Hilarious. Smart.
Mark Twain is corrosive and implacable.
September 20, 2022
تنها فرقش با کاندیداهای ریاست جمهوری صداقتش بود 😂😂 همون اول گفت که بعدا مخالفانش زحمت نیفتن ،،،، یعنی همه قاتل و جنایت کار و دنبال پول و قدرت هستن ؟؟ طنز قشنگی بود😂😂
https://taaghche.com/book/17154
https://taaghche.com/book/17154
March 12, 2023
Não sendo nada de imperdível, acho que consegue levar a algumas reflexões interessantes, o que no fundo acho que é isso a que se propõe este livro, por isso acho que consegue ser competente.
September 5, 2023
A must read; and even after many years, a very up to date book about the current political and sociological situation.
July 8, 2024
um candidato que nenhum país estava preparado, devido à sua excelente idoneidade. Alguém que teria o meu voto
October 16, 2021
Um brilhante livro especialmente para quem só está familiarizado com o clássicos de Twain, a ironia à ideia da política e toda as sua Idiocracy por isso já vale a pena mas devo dizer que a ideia da Coerência no último discursos é algo que até hoje se mantém com infelizmente o mesmo nível de distorção.
A única coisa que posso referir como uma critica é a comparação de um lacaio do partido a uma escravo especialmente na altura em provavelmente muito ex escravos estariam ainda vivos
A única coisa que posso referir como uma critica é a comparação de um lacaio do partido a uma escravo especialmente na altura em provavelmente muito ex escravos estariam ainda vivos
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 6, 2018
شرح حالی مختصر از همه سیاستمدارهای جهان. به شکل طعنه آمیزی وعده های قبل از انتخابات آنها را به سخره میگیرد. وعده هایی که بعد از انتخابات شکل دیگری به خود میگیرند و منفعت طلبی های در راس امور قرار میگیرند. همچنین در این داستان شعارهای زیبایی که همه انسانها به زبان میآورند ولی ته دلشان خیلی به آنها اعتقادی ندارند را به چالش میکشد. شعارهای مثل خانواده دوستی، میهن پرستی، مبارزه با فقر و برقراری عدالت اجتماعی.
July 29, 2019
از داستان کوتاه خوشم نمیاد در کل
ولی یه طنز تلخی داشت
که مشکلات خیلی از بزرگان مملکت هست و سرپوشی میشه ازش
ولی یه طنز تلخی داشت
که مشکلات خیلی از بزرگان مملکت هست و سرپوشی میشه ازش
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