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247 pages, Hardcover
First published June 18, 2018
I have done speeches at sporting events .... Whoever introduces me always says that I the Tour is the hardest sporting contest in the world. I am just an artifact, proof that it is done by men. I am something it has happened to, like a blot from a disintegrating spacecraft and recovered from a cornfield after the event, to prove that all that motion and brutality really existed. I accept this perspective, because this nobles this activity, dignifies the fact that I am aging and breaking myself in doing it.
I felt heartened to hear that she saw elements of her own work in mine, pleased by the sense it drew us together. We were partners in our sense of isolation, in our preoccupations incomprehensible to so many. We both had our routines, our slogs, in service of single moments, possibilities. It felt noble, all this putting off.
I still remember explaining [cycling tactics] to Liz ... she took a biologist’s interest in adaptive strategy, in hidden motives and cooperation.
I met Liz by chance. I do not like to think that, because to do so invites the consideration of alternatives, draws me into visualizations of different lives. My training and inclination make me a believer in necessity and causation. I need to be convinced of the efficacy of preparation, in f the sure reward of my conditioning. If I were to truly attend to luck - to how easily a puncture or crash of a rider in front might ruin my race, or how much my successes rely on the Misfortune of others - then I would struggle to prepare, to get myself out on the bike on winter mornings.