Relational Mindfulness: A Handbook for Deepening Our Connections with Ourselves, Each Other, and the Planet

by Deborah Eden Tull

A guidebook on how to embody compassionate awareness in all of our relationships—with self, one another, and our planet—in an age of global uncertainty.

We all struggle at times with how to bring meditation off the cushion and into the beautiful, dynamic, and messy realm of relationship. At a time when humanity seems to have forgotten our inherent interrelatedness, this book offers an inspiring set of principles and practices for deepening intimacy and remembering the interconnection that is our birthright. Eden Tull interweaves heartfelt personal stories, sharing her journey from seven years as a monastic in a silent Zen Monastery to living and teaching in the megatropolis of Los Angeles and beyond, with teachings and mindful inquiry to help the reader connect personally with the principles of Relational Mindfulness.

In a voice that is transparent, vulnerable, and brave, Tull shares possibilities for integrating mindfulness In gentle yet powerful tone, she covers topics ranging from balance and personal sustainability to sexuality to conscious consumerism.

Relational Mindfulness is based on the simple understanding that the most subtle form of love is attention. While a revolution usually means to evolve and change, this shift is actually a return to a simple and sacred understanding we seem to have forgotten—one we can only remember when we are present.

Genres: Nonfiction, Buddhism, Relationships

376 pages, Paperback

Published May 22, 2018

About the author

Deborah Eden Tull, founder of Mindful Living Revolution, teaches the integration of compassionate awareness into every aspect of our lives, bridging personal and collective awakening in an age of global change. She is an engaged dharma teacher, spiritual activist, author, and sustainability educator, who teaches dharma intertwined with post-patriarchal thought and practices, resting upon a lived knowledge of our unity with the more than human world. She trained for seven and a half years as a Buddhist monk at a silent Zen monastery and has taught engaged meditation for over 20 years. Eden has lived in sustainable communities and as an organic gardener/farmer for decades and celebrates the essential wisdom of nature . She currently resides in the mountains of western North Carolina, originally Cherokee land, with her husband, She offers retreats, workshops, classes, and consultations nationally and internationally, integrating presence and partnership with nature.

Eden’s first book, The Natural Kitchen: Your Guide for the Sustainable Food Revolution (Process Media), was published in September 2010 and her second book, Relational Mindfulness: A Handbook for Deepening Our Connection with Ourselves, Each Other, and the Planet, was published by Wisdom Publications in May 2018. Her newest book, Luminous Darkness: An Engaged Buddhist Approach to Embracing the Unknown, was released on September 27, 2022.

Join Eden online at: https://www.deborahedentull.com | https://youtube.com/channel/UCWId8BKK... |
https://www.facebook.com/MindfulLivin... | https://www.instagram.com/mindfullivi...

Reviews

[Shaun · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I could summarize the essence of this book it would be to stop and smell the roses, really smell the roses.

Deborah Eden Tull spent several years mastering the practice of mindfulness while living as a monk in a Zen monastery. Abandoning all her worldly belongings and living as part of a self-sustaining community built around simplicity, sustainability, and harmony with oneself and ones surroundings, Tull routinely practiced meditation and mindfulness.

After leaving the monastery, she embarked on a journey as a teacher, speaker, writer and activist to share what she refers to as relational mindfulness.

In a nutshell, relational mindfulness is the practice of abandoning the separatist state of "I" for the inclusive state of "We." It requires us to move beyond our innate conditioning and allow ourselves to experience the moment with curiosity and kindness. As we allow ourselves to feel connected to others and the world around us, we can make decisions that not only honor ourselves but also honor the world we live in.

So much of how we respond to life is reactionary, automatic, conditioned knee-jerk responses that often lead us to assumptions that are inaccurate, unfair, and overly judgmental. Rather than judging, Tull encourages us to simply consider what is with openness and curiosity. Mindfulness is simply the act of being present in the moment, fully and with compassion. It's about breaking free of expectations, learned responses, and critical judgements of ourselves and others. It's about making choices that honor our connectedness to each other, the world we share, and all the creatures we share it with.

The book itself is well-written and logically organized, and offers the reader insight that while not earthshattering is certainly something worth contemplating, especially in today's fast paced, social media driven, technological society, where our interaction with nature and each other has changed dramatically in a very short period of time, and that often leaves of feeling disconnected from ourselves, each other and the earth that sustains us.

[Leigh Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buddhist advice for navigating Planet Garbage Fire.

Unless you're a complete rat bastard, you're probably a teensy bit stressed out at this point in American history. Quite possibly you've been neglecting yourself, your relationships, nature, and all the wonderful things about life that can keep you grounded. Tull, who has lived both monastic and secular lives as a Buddhist, is here to help with an excellent workbook to help you get a little more centered and focused on what really matters in life.

Part One covers relationship to the self, which makes perfect sense: put your own oxygen mask before you try connecting with anyone else, for both your sakes. Part Two deal with relationships with others, whether those others be friends, enemies, or lovers (there is an entire chapter devoted to mindful sex that will be appreciated by readers who want advice in this area beyond where the bits go). Part Three helps readers reconnect with nature, while Part Four finally tackles the problem of how to relate to a fractious, uncertain world. Much like a loving-kindness meditation, the book moves from the individual to the greater picture, offering a series of exercises at the end of each chapter, so that you can use the book with a class / group of friends, or as a self-study/journal exercise.

Tull concludes with four appendices that allow readers to further implement the book's ideas and activities in a variety of settings, making this a flexible tool in a library's religion collection. Meditation and mindfulness are always popular subjects, and this would be something great for open-minded readers who are currently freaked out about life, the universe, and everything. Recommended for medium to large collections, and as a personal purchase for anyone seeking a path to re-connection with the beauties of life that no human distractions can ever fully veil.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is plenty of useful mindfulness advice in this book, in particular in the first two sections on relationship to self and others. As I was already familiar with mindfulness and meditation practices, it didn't contain much that is new to me, but I find it is always helpful to get a periodic refresher from a slightly different perspective. I was, however, mildly bothered by the fact that many of her examples (such as of being vulnerable) were from contexts where the other people were clearly already receptive to some level of mindfulness/meditation. For me the bigger question is how to maintain mindfulness in relationship when the person you are interacting with is acting completely from the separate self/conditioned mind state, and I didn't feel that she directly addressed this.

The second part of the book, about relationship to nature, earth, global sustainability, etc., didn't work that well for me. On the one hand, some of what she said made sense and resonated with me, but on the other hand I felt that it was more strongly weighted by her own biases than the first part of the book. She draws a direct line from the practice of mindfulness and living from the authentic self to being one who lives more in "harmony" with "nature" and naturally feels drawn to work for global change in some way. There is an over-idealization of "nature" in her writing that rubs me the wrong way. Additionally, I do not agree her implicit assumption that mindfulness practice automatically leads to being a "change agent" of some sort.

On the whole, I mildly recommend the book for the first half; I think the second half will only work for people already predisposed to agree with most of her biases.

[Bruno · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ideas in this book are clear, mostly concise, actionable and applicable to many parts of one's life. Without taking on particularly extraneous practices, I've already adopted a lot of ideas which are having a tangible effect on the quality of presence in my daily life.

The one start off from 5 comes fro what is, in my opinion, an unnecessarily exoteric language choice. Yes, the author is a former monk a d has extensive teaching practice, so I trust she's deliberate in the words and concepts she uses. That said, there are ideas like the "mind of separation", "the intelligence of earth" and the overall notion of broad, unconditional love which made some ideas a bit less tangible. I understand these as core Buddhist tenets, thus not separable, but perhaps this book could reach even more people with a bit less of that.

In any case, a remarkable, super valuable read.

[Vince · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very practical guide on applying and integrating mindfulness into our work, close relationships, and social activism. I've often wished meditation teachers would address these issues more directly; this author actually does it. In my experience, the mindfulness we experience in meditation doesn't automatically or seamlessly flow into the rest of our lives - we have to work to translate its lessons to all of the domains that are important to us. Many points in the book had me saying out loud, "Yes! Exactly." The quality of the writing is OK (not exceptional), and there are a few snoozer chapters... but I found them worth it to get to the many pearls of wisdom and insight sprinkled throughout.

[Braeden Udy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book. I think it contains some of the keys to healing this broken world.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book with my Dharma book club. The last two chapters were my favorite and I got a lot out of the inquiry and practices there.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only book I’ve ever (voluntarily) annotated with sticky notes