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Many Love: A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love
In this bold, illustrated memoir, a young woman shares both a personal and sociological take on modern, “unconventional” love, exploring her own transformation from serial monogamist to proud polyamorist.
After trying for years to emulate the kind of relationship her parents had—married happily for forty years—Sophie Lucido Johnson realized that maybe the love she was looking for was down a road less traveled.
In Many Love, Sophie delivers a fresh look at polyamory: its history, its misconceptions, and its new relevance among the many millennials embracing non-monogamous relationships. With a series of caring partners all the way from her high school sweetheart to her current fiancé, Sophie explores her sexuality and the very nature of love itself, questioning everything we’ve all been taught about relationships. She shares each of her revelations—sometimes painful, sometimes hilarious—and ultimately uncovers the incredible power of making room for all kinds of love in one’s life.
Complete with informative charts (did you know there are five distinct types of jealousy?) and witty illustrations, Many Love is an empowering, heartwarming memoir offering a memorable glimpse into an unconventional life.
After trying for years to emulate the kind of relationship her parents had—married happily for forty years—Sophie Lucido Johnson realized that maybe the love she was looking for was down a road less traveled.
In Many Love, Sophie delivers a fresh look at polyamory: its history, its misconceptions, and its new relevance among the many millennials embracing non-monogamous relationships. With a series of caring partners all the way from her high school sweetheart to her current fiancé, Sophie explores her sexuality and the very nature of love itself, questioning everything we’ve all been taught about relationships. She shares each of her revelations—sometimes painful, sometimes hilarious—and ultimately uncovers the incredible power of making room for all kinds of love in one’s life.
Complete with informative charts (did you know there are five distinct types of jealousy?) and witty illustrations, Many Love is an empowering, heartwarming memoir offering a memorable glimpse into an unconventional life.
272 pages, Paperback
First published June 26, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
April 27, 2020
I enjoyed this, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting it to be so I didn't love it quite as much as I wanted to. Womp :c
April 25, 2018
Recently I tried to read a novel about a couple that opens up their relationship. I couldn't do it. They were doing it all wrong, they were making terrible choices, they were setting themselves up for disaster, and it just kept bothering me that people would read this book and think that this was how nonmonogamy worked. I care about this because I've been nonmonogamous myself for the last few years and I've heard too many stories of people cheating on their spouses and then trying to excuse themselves by claiming they're not cut out for monogamy. (That's not how any of this works.)
Usually when people read about polyamory it's because they are attempting to be polyamorous. A lot of the books in the space are more how-to books than anything else. But Johnson's book is the first I've come across that isn't trying to be that kind of book, it may be useful for people interested in polyamory, but mostly it's for people who may have never even heard of polyamory before. Which is great! We really need that kind of book! Especially one full of personal experiences and illustrations.
I did really enjoy this book, but I also found myself somewhat frustrated by its structure. It isn't told in chronological order but instead by concepts like love and jealousy. This has us jumping around through Johnson's romantic life in a way that can occasionally feel dizzying. And sometimes it feels like Johnson recounting stories of all her ex's, though the narrative of a person's love life is usually only interesting to that person. In addition, Johnson tells her own story but also spends time explaining much of the language and beliefs within polyamory, it jumps back and forth from being specific to general. It's a worthy goal but it had its downsides. While Johnson often acknowledges that polyamory can take many different forms, she mostly does that in the more instructive sections. When reading her personal stories it can feel like her version of polyamory is the only one. (For example, she mentions parallel polyamory and explains it but it's also not how she practices and she's rather quick to dismiss it, implying it's unfeeling and less valid, which was rather grating to me since that's how my relationships are formed.)
Still, I definitely learned things and found myself thinking about a lot about myself and my relationships while reading. I particularly enjoyed Johnson's approach to love, one I hadn't really seen before but that aligned very nicely with a lot of what I've been pondering lately. It gave me insight into new approaches I hadn't really thought about before. I suspect that for monogamous readers there will be a lot of interesting things to consider, especially those in their 20's.
I read an early version on my kindle and sometimes the formatting left a little to be desired to fit in the illustrations with the text, I'm not sure if this will be true in the final kindle version, but I'd suggest attempting to read it in print if possible.
Usually when people read about polyamory it's because they are attempting to be polyamorous. A lot of the books in the space are more how-to books than anything else. But Johnson's book is the first I've come across that isn't trying to be that kind of book, it may be useful for people interested in polyamory, but mostly it's for people who may have never even heard of polyamory before. Which is great! We really need that kind of book! Especially one full of personal experiences and illustrations.
I did really enjoy this book, but I also found myself somewhat frustrated by its structure. It isn't told in chronological order but instead by concepts like love and jealousy. This has us jumping around through Johnson's romantic life in a way that can occasionally feel dizzying. And sometimes it feels like Johnson recounting stories of all her ex's, though the narrative of a person's love life is usually only interesting to that person. In addition, Johnson tells her own story but also spends time explaining much of the language and beliefs within polyamory, it jumps back and forth from being specific to general. It's a worthy goal but it had its downsides. While Johnson often acknowledges that polyamory can take many different forms, she mostly does that in the more instructive sections. When reading her personal stories it can feel like her version of polyamory is the only one. (For example, she mentions parallel polyamory and explains it but it's also not how she practices and she's rather quick to dismiss it, implying it's unfeeling and less valid, which was rather grating to me since that's how my relationships are formed.)
Still, I definitely learned things and found myself thinking about a lot about myself and my relationships while reading. I particularly enjoyed Johnson's approach to love, one I hadn't really seen before but that aligned very nicely with a lot of what I've been pondering lately. It gave me insight into new approaches I hadn't really thought about before. I suspect that for monogamous readers there will be a lot of interesting things to consider, especially those in their 20's.
I read an early version on my kindle and sometimes the formatting left a little to be desired to fit in the illustrations with the text, I'm not sure if this will be true in the final kindle version, but I'd suggest attempting to read it in print if possible.
June 30, 2018
I have friends in poly relationships and thought this book sounded interesting, a way to learn more. Most people will tell you to read The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities if you are interested in polyamory, but as this book's author explains, it really is focused on the sex part of polyamory, and to her, while sex is present it is not the point. (TES also serves as more of a how-to guide, and I wasn't interested for that reason, just curious how people who make it work actually make it work.)
This book would be an okay place to start if you don't know a lot about polyamory but are curious about it, because the author started out pretty naive about it herself, and includes that journey in the book. I only know about it through other people so while this narrative confirms what I've learned from others (mainly - polyamory requires constant communication and major jealousy maintenance), I appreciated Johnson's perspective and individual thinking on some elements.
Along the lines of what I call jealousy maintenance, Sophie explains the concept of "processing."
Other things I found interesting - the ebb and flow of relationships, especially the drifting off of the primary or central lover in a natural way (I think monogamist people like me tend to think all relationships are forever; polygamists often accept that most relationships come to a natural end. Some, but not all.) Bed death. Post-lover friendships. Living arrangements. Whether or not it's all the same as friendship intimacy (I'm not sure I fully agree with her point of view on this one but I appreciated it!)
One little note - Goodreads shelved this as a graphic novel, and I would say that while there are illustrations by the author periodically through the text, and they are delightful, there are also entire pages of text, unless the review copy is hugely different from the final version. This is heavier on memoir than graphics, in case that matters to you.
Thanks to the publisher for granting access through Edelweiss. This came out June 26, 2018.
This book would be an okay place to start if you don't know a lot about polyamory but are curious about it, because the author started out pretty naive about it herself, and includes that journey in the book. I only know about it through other people so while this narrative confirms what I've learned from others (mainly - polyamory requires constant communication and major jealousy maintenance), I appreciated Johnson's perspective and individual thinking on some elements.
Along the lines of what I call jealousy maintenance, Sophie explains the concept of "processing."
'Processing' is probably the most important word in most early polyamorous relationships. It's a euphemism that refers to what people do when they know they shouldn't be mad, but everything in their body is telling them to be mad.She talks about navigating the first time someone you love falls for someone else, which is the ultimate moment that must be navigated carefully if you are truly going to be polyamorous and not just a serial monogamist or someone who doesn't commit.
Other things I found interesting - the ebb and flow of relationships, especially the drifting off of the primary or central lover in a natural way (I think monogamist people like me tend to think all relationships are forever; polygamists often accept that most relationships come to a natural end. Some, but not all.) Bed death. Post-lover friendships. Living arrangements. Whether or not it's all the same as friendship intimacy (I'm not sure I fully agree with her point of view on this one but I appreciated it!)
One little note - Goodreads shelved this as a graphic novel, and I would say that while there are illustrations by the author periodically through the text, and they are delightful, there are also entire pages of text, unless the review copy is hugely different from the final version. This is heavier on memoir than graphics, in case that matters to you.
Thanks to the publisher for granting access through Edelweiss. This came out June 26, 2018.
June 29, 2018
Many thanks to Touchstone Books for providing my free copy of MANY LOVE by Sophie Lucido Johnson - all opinions are my own.
The great thing about reading memoirs is I get to learn something new or at least learn a new perspective, so I usually like to read a variety. MANY LOVE is an honest and refreshing take on love and relationships - I absolutely enjoyed it! It’s enlightening, evocative, witty, insightful, and fascinating!
Johnson is a clever writer and illustrator who brings to light how she went from serial monogamist to a proud polyamorist. I love how she defines the term and explains the meaning as “many love” not “many sex”. We follow her transformation from a monogamous marriage to polyamorous relationships, not focusing on finding “the one”. Ultimately, this book is also about friendships, sexuality, jealousy, and how society perceives others’ relationships.
The overall construction of the memoir is brilliant. The drawings add depth and humor to the narrative. Johnson is delightfully charming and her personality really shines through. Case in point, I actually laughed-out-loud when she used the fictitious name Rory from the Gilmore Girls to protect the identity of other people. Johnson includes a FAQ section, commentary notes, and the culture and history of polyamory, all along with comic style drawings on almost every page. MANY LOVE is a provocative, interesting, and illustrated memoir I highly recommend to anyone looking for a new perspective on love.
The great thing about reading memoirs is I get to learn something new or at least learn a new perspective, so I usually like to read a variety. MANY LOVE is an honest and refreshing take on love and relationships - I absolutely enjoyed it! It’s enlightening, evocative, witty, insightful, and fascinating!
Johnson is a clever writer and illustrator who brings to light how she went from serial monogamist to a proud polyamorist. I love how she defines the term and explains the meaning as “many love” not “many sex”. We follow her transformation from a monogamous marriage to polyamorous relationships, not focusing on finding “the one”. Ultimately, this book is also about friendships, sexuality, jealousy, and how society perceives others’ relationships.
The overall construction of the memoir is brilliant. The drawings add depth and humor to the narrative. Johnson is delightfully charming and her personality really shines through. Case in point, I actually laughed-out-loud when she used the fictitious name Rory from the Gilmore Girls to protect the identity of other people. Johnson includes a FAQ section, commentary notes, and the culture and history of polyamory, all along with comic style drawings on almost every page. MANY LOVE is a provocative, interesting, and illustrated memoir I highly recommend to anyone looking for a new perspective on love.
November 3, 2018
This book was kind of interesting, but I'm also glad it was short enough that I could get through it quickly, because I wasn't that impressed. I kind of disliked the non-chronological style, and definitely disliked the mixture of random drawings and cartoons that seemed to contain important information but that it was hard for me to fit into the flow of the text.
As a polyamorous non-binary person who never dated or was sexual with anyone until they were 29, and who has only done so with other trans people, I found a lot of what Johnson describes alien and weird. (This has been my experience in general with my other interactions with largely-straight polyamorous communities.) It just feels like I'm watching people grope around in the dark toward figuring out how to do things that seem normal and natural to me...like, I don't actually understand how the "normal" sort of straight relationship and social life works.
As a polyamorous non-binary person who never dated or was sexual with anyone until they were 29, and who has only done so with other trans people, I found a lot of what Johnson describes alien and weird. (This has been my experience in general with my other interactions with largely-straight polyamorous communities.) It just feels like I'm watching people grope around in the dark toward figuring out how to do things that seem normal and natural to me...like, I don't actually understand how the "normal" sort of straight relationship and social life works.
March 29, 2019
This book was my first reading experience concerning polyamory.
As much as I thought that it was completely fascinating; I would pay the tribute to the topic and not the writing.
In the very beginning, the author made multiple uses of a phrase that is just an absolute pet peeve of mine. The: "I am going to talk about this later". Ugh, why can't she just talk about that topic then and there? Or, if it didn't fit in the beginning, why couldn't she just leave the phrase out?
Furthermore, throughout the different aspects of polyamory, the writing feels quite jumpy. Just like the connection between past and current lovers. If there are a lot of people involved (as might be the case in non-monogamous relationships) and the timeline when one relationship ended and the next started are not in chronological order, there might be confusion. Sophie tried to help with a sketch of her past male lovers... But she also had female ones, which where never shown as easily comprehensible. And just like the writing, she also jumped with the explanations between different parts of her relationship with different men. (Because, in the end, it still felt like the men in her life were more primary than the women.)
You could feel, when she was actively trying to use humour and from her writing I would guess that she is someone, who likes hearing herself talk. And preferably about birds ...
Gosh, there were so many stories influenced by her obsession with bird-watching (not birding, as that is something completely different).
All in all, this was a comfortable read, with nice infographics and it definitely informed me more about polyamory, although the author's style did not click with me, I appreciated her efforts.
As much as I thought that it was completely fascinating; I would pay the tribute to the topic and not the writing.
In the very beginning, the author made multiple uses of a phrase that is just an absolute pet peeve of mine. The: "I am going to talk about this later". Ugh, why can't she just talk about that topic then and there? Or, if it didn't fit in the beginning, why couldn't she just leave the phrase out?
Furthermore, throughout the different aspects of polyamory, the writing feels quite jumpy. Just like the connection between past and current lovers. If there are a lot of people involved (as might be the case in non-monogamous relationships) and the timeline when one relationship ended and the next started are not in chronological order, there might be confusion. Sophie tried to help with a sketch of her past male lovers... But she also had female ones, which where never shown as easily comprehensible. And just like the writing, she also jumped with the explanations between different parts of her relationship with different men. (Because, in the end, it still felt like the men in her life were more primary than the women.)
You could feel, when she was actively trying to use humour and from her writing I would guess that she is someone, who likes hearing herself talk. And preferably about birds ...
Gosh, there were so many stories influenced by her obsession with bird-watching (not birding, as that is something completely different).
All in all, this was a comfortable read, with nice infographics and it definitely informed me more about polyamory, although the author's style did not click with me, I appreciated her efforts.
June 24, 2018
This is part memoir, part explanation of the many ways polyamory can exist. Johnson writes candidly about relationships, inserting sketches that add to the narrative. She’s funny, talented, and thoughtful. I loved how the folks she didn’t want to name were referred to as Rory (a nod to Gilmore Girls). Though polyamory is not for me, I respect that it can work, and I appreciate Johnson putting herself out there.
PUB DATE: 6.26.18
Thanks, NetGalley!
PUB DATE: 6.26.18
Thanks, NetGalley!
June 28, 2018
Well, I gave this a quick read because it sounded like an interesting look at social and relationship dynamics that don't get written about very often but maybe I missed something. 'Married, heterosexual woman had some girl crushes in college and now has close, platonic female friends' doesn't sound all that new or interesting to me and, unless I missed a chapter or something, that's what this book seems to be about. It was also really disjointed which made it annoying to read.
January 11, 2018
A touching, sharp and witty look at polyamory through one young woman's journey - you'll laugh, cry, and think deeply about your own relationships, plus enjoy over 100 original illustrations. A truly great read :)
January 23, 2018
Fresh, funny, original, and incredibly insightful about all relationships—polyamorous or otherwise.
April 23, 2019
A nice memoir about one woman's experience of discovering polyamory. It is an important perspective and I'm glad she wrote the book. I don't think it's the greatest primer on polyamory nor is it very representative of the various ways polyamory looks. Taken for what it is, it was an interesting and fast read.
November 9, 2018
I really wanted more from the topic. The writing is all over the place and hard to follow. She spends more time talking about the build up of her life and her friendships than she does her romantic relationships, and I found myself very bored and disappointed.
December 2, 2018
I found this book boring but I think a younger and straight reader with a prurient interest in the author’s non-traditional love life might find it more revelatory. I gave up after the chapter on how you can actually be friends with your exes. Wow, who knew?
October 13, 2017
Read and fell in love immediately. Sophie is so funny, talented, honest, thoughtful, and brave. Cannot wait for everyone to read this.
April 17, 2018
This is the book you should read this summer! A refreshing look at how love can work in 2018.
June 29, 2018
I "many loved" it!!!!!
Read
May 6, 2022Mixed feelings on this one! The author was not claiming to provide a comprehensive intro to polyamory, but I guess because there aren't that many books on the topic it puts a lot of pressure on her to represent it well! But that is not her fault - this is a memoir, so obviously she is just sharing her personal experience while also trying to provide some education to people who know less about it.
Overall, I found the author kind of annoying and was rubbed the wrong way by little things she would drop here and there which took me out of it. At the same time, she definitely had some insights that will stick with me and I do feel very aligned with certain things she shared about love not being finite and the profound love she has for her friends which is not less than her love for romantic partners.
Can't wait to one day read a poloyam book not written by a cis white bisexual woman!
Overall, I found the author kind of annoying and was rubbed the wrong way by little things she would drop here and there which took me out of it. At the same time, she definitely had some insights that will stick with me and I do feel very aligned with certain things she shared about love not being finite and the profound love she has for her friends which is not less than her love for romantic partners.
Can't wait to one day read a poloyam book not written by a cis white bisexual woman!
October 6, 2024
I picked this book up Tuesday night while waiting for Elijah to brush his teeth, thinking, "This will be easy to put down." I was wrong about that. Somehow, Johnson manages to make her somewhat hokey, very millennial, self-help-comic-memoir exploring polyamory quite a page-turner! I think the main draw for me was that I have always liked hearing the stories of people's relationships, and this book was 90% stories about relationships. Reading this was a bit like chatting with a just-slightly more experienced friend.
The sections that resonated and intrigued me the most were about friendship, specifically the kind that you typically see between women. Hearing Johnson talk about her friend Hannah was a window into a type of relationship that I've only caught glimpses of since I was in middle school, and an affirmation of why I'm being so intentional about focusing on friendship this year.
The sections that resonated and intrigued me the most were about friendship, specifically the kind that you typically see between women. Hearing Johnson talk about her friend Hannah was a window into a type of relationship that I've only caught glimpses of since I was in middle school, and an affirmation of why I'm being so intentional about focusing on friendship this year.
January 3, 2019
This was (accidentally) a perfect companion read to the novel I just finished. Part memoir, part graphic novel with tons of research tossed in- it definitely was an entertaining read. The chapters are divided up almost topically, which for me made it a bit confusing since the life events she described throughout were not happening chronologically
January 25, 2023
3.5 stars! Got a few great nuggets out of this book. Especially enjoyed the author’s reflections on her own life. I skimmed most of the non-personal parts of the book, as it felt like she had the most to offer when reflecting on her own experience. Like with her other work I’ve read, there was some casual weight talk thrown in that I didn’t like - folks might want to know that when deciding whether to read.
July 1, 2020
I enjoyed Many Love: A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love, as a quick, light and easy read. However, I can't give it more than three stars because I didn't feel hooked to the story. It was interesting, but not captivating. On a positive note, the illustrations made the book go by faster, and definitely added a unique layer without making it feel like I was reading a comic book.
Also, and this may be more my fault than the book's, but I was expecting it to be more educational than anecdotal. Given that this is a memoir, the issue is probably on my end. Nonetheless, I found myself enjoying the bits referencing research, or explaining different styles of poly-amorous relationships more than the stories about the author's previous relationships.
Additionally, I felt that I disagreed with a fair bit of Sophie Lucido Johnson's decisions and viewpoints. If I were reading this to figure out how to be in a poly-amorous relationship, I am not sure I would be convinced that it is possible. The author's relationship history was a big point of contention for me, in which she illustrates the timeline of her past romances, and from my understanding it seems the author has almost never been single, rather bouncing from one relationship to the next. These types of details may not matter to some readers, but if someone is reading this as a skeptic looking to have their mind changed, I feel that there are significant gaps in the credibility of the argument in favour of polyamory.
Overall, the book was good, but not much more than that. I would still say it's a fun read for anyone who may be interested. Don't get me wrong, some of the story is heart-warming and thoroughly enjoyable, such as the . So, I give it a lukewarm review.
Also, and this may be more my fault than the book's, but I was expecting it to be more educational than anecdotal. Given that this is a memoir, the issue is probably on my end. Nonetheless, I found myself enjoying the bits referencing research, or explaining different styles of poly-amorous relationships more than the stories about the author's previous relationships.
Additionally, I felt that I disagreed with a fair bit of Sophie Lucido Johnson's decisions and viewpoints. If I were reading this to figure out how to be in a poly-amorous relationship, I am not sure I would be convinced that it is possible. The author's relationship history was a big point of contention for me, in which she illustrates the timeline of her past romances, and from my understanding it seems the author has almost never been single, rather bouncing from one relationship to the next. These types of details may not matter to some readers, but if someone is reading this as a skeptic looking to have their mind changed, I feel that there are significant gaps in the credibility of the argument in favour of polyamory.
Overall, the book was good, but not much more than that. I would still say it's a fun read for anyone who may be interested. Don't get me wrong, some of the story is heart-warming and thoroughly enjoyable, such as the . So, I give it a lukewarm review.
Read
March 14, 2018Another honest book about a person’s journey to find the right relationship fit. Love already has its complications so it just follows that a multiplication of it does not decrease the issues attached to it. She brings up jealousy, sex, friendships and offers distinctions from other relationship types.
Access to review copy provided by the publisher.
Access to review copy provided by the publisher.
October 26, 2018
I liked this book quite a bit.
It's kind of written as an introduction to polyamory, and it's honestly not the best at being a comprehensive guide, but it is also actually really well-written and enjoyable to read, which just can't be said about a lot of the other books in this genre.
So I probably won't start recommending this as the go to nonmonogamy 101 text, but I am really glad I read it.
And there were definitely a few new ideas in it, and she really fleshes out some ideas that other people talked about more theoretically with some concrete examples and personal experience. Like, I've heard people talk about treating their friendships more like Relationships, but this book gave me a clearer idea of what that could look like in action.
There's a part where the author's interacting with the poly scene in Chicago at a time when I was poly and living in Chicago but not interacting with that scene, which I guess feels weird for me to read, like I simultaneous feel very close and very disconnected from the subject matter.
It's kind of written as an introduction to polyamory, and it's honestly not the best at being a comprehensive guide, but it is also actually really well-written and enjoyable to read, which just can't be said about a lot of the other books in this genre.
So I probably won't start recommending this as the go to nonmonogamy 101 text, but I am really glad I read it.
And there were definitely a few new ideas in it, and she really fleshes out some ideas that other people talked about more theoretically with some concrete examples and personal experience. Like, I've heard people talk about treating their friendships more like Relationships, but this book gave me a clearer idea of what that could look like in action.
There's a part where the author's interacting with the poly scene in Chicago at a time when I was poly and living in Chicago but not interacting with that scene, which I guess feels weird for me to read, like I simultaneous feel very close and very disconnected from the subject matter.
December 3, 2018
but did it have to end in a hetero marriage proposal? sigh.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 28, 2021
I didn't initially want to read this book as I didn't consider myself a memoir kind of person by a metamour told me to try it out so I did. The book opened well and painted a really good picture of polyamory as a relationship style. I think it would work well at getting any monogamous people reading the book to at least respect polyamory as a different relationship style. The first few chapters were also pretty good at diving into the characteristics and background of Sophie as a child. The early chapters work well a setting the path for her to eventually find polyamory and define it for herself.
Where the stars start to drop from 5 to 3 for me is when the chapters address her 20s and 30s. It's very obvious that she does not have a full understanding of healthy polyamory and treats her failings during these time periods as far off mistakes that can be forgiven now because so much time has passed but they feel way too fresh. It seems like she just wants to brush past these egregious things she did in her prior relationships. Some could see this as her being brutally honest and might respect that. I may have been one of those people if she had made it clear that she has apologized to those partners she slighted and has changed her behavior but I don't think that is the case which leaves a bad taste in my mouth as the book closes.
It is also frustrating that this is a memoir but by the end of the book she is only in her 30s. That seems a little too young to write a memoir and is one of the main reasons the book feels unfinished. There isn't a redemption arc that allows you to come back around on a character who was kind of a shit person to a lot of people in her 20s.
Where the stars start to drop from 5 to 3 for me is when the chapters address her 20s and 30s. It's very obvious that she does not have a full understanding of healthy polyamory and treats her failings during these time periods as far off mistakes that can be forgiven now because so much time has passed but they feel way too fresh. It seems like she just wants to brush past these egregious things she did in her prior relationships. Some could see this as her being brutally honest and might respect that. I may have been one of those people if she had made it clear that she has apologized to those partners she slighted and has changed her behavior but I don't think that is the case which leaves a bad taste in my mouth as the book closes.
It is also frustrating that this is a memoir but by the end of the book she is only in her 30s. That seems a little too young to write a memoir and is one of the main reasons the book feels unfinished. There isn't a redemption arc that allows you to come back around on a character who was kind of a shit person to a lot of people in her 20s.
July 17, 2018
Such an excellent take on love and relationships. It confirmed so much for this reader. Everyone loves differently. Having been in long monogamous relationships, complicated situationships and even married, I now know a single person cannot be everything and all for you. You receive love, even if it's platonic from all forms of friendships. Having been married and divorced I now realize the greatest loves have been my friendships. Every relationship has been a life lesson. Sophie did a phenomenal job in this book often citing sources from books I have already read (some have been added to by my TBR piled) and adding her personal experiences. The graphics were a great supplement even though it was hard to read them on a kindle (sigh). Sophie's writing voice is loud and clear. It's as if you were in a bar with your closest friend who you have so much love for, drinking a moscow mule discussing the state of your relationship(s). After reading Esther Perel's book on infidelity, this was a great compliment. The polyamory take was an interesting perspective but feels a need to have a follow up book on the topic itself. It seems super complicated with two consenting adults who are 100% self aware of themselves, which seems hard. There are some great quotes which I've highlighted after yelling YES on a crowded train. Currently writing a follow up essay in response to this book. Look forward to reading more of Sophie's work. This is a great first memoir.
August 14, 2018
Note: Top Shelf Text received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
I'll admit, this book was a little out of my wheelhouse, but it came highly recommended and turned out to be a fascinating read. The author writes about her journey from failed monogamous relationships to discovering polamory and navigating the various facets of relationship anarchy. The memoir is written as though you're sitting down for coffee with a girlfriend, and it was so helpful and accessible to readers like me, who have no experience with polamory, but lots of questions. I came away with a better understanding of why people choose to be polyamorous, and I'd recommend this to anyone curious about the topic.
I'll admit, this book was a little out of my wheelhouse, but it came highly recommended and turned out to be a fascinating read. The author writes about her journey from failed monogamous relationships to discovering polamory and navigating the various facets of relationship anarchy. The memoir is written as though you're sitting down for coffee with a girlfriend, and it was so helpful and accessible to readers like me, who have no experience with polamory, but lots of questions. I came away with a better understanding of why people choose to be polyamorous, and I'd recommend this to anyone curious about the topic.
September 27, 2021
What an excellent book. It is written as a personal memoir in a really accessible format, there's the narrative, then info boxes and lots of graphic novel esque illustrations. I cried so much reading this book because it spoke to the complicated intimacy felt between friends or people you used to date without it being weird. I love that this was not a recipe book, which the nerd in me loves, but allows for the messy-ness of unlearning monogamous beliefs space to breathe. I really really really recommend this book to anyone struggling with poly/open relationships, especially matching your feelings with your beliefs. I have strong beliefs in this type of relationship structure, but the visceral and intensity of my emotions navigating doing the work was super hard. This book helped!
August 15, 2025
I thought it was a graphic novel so was a little disappointed by the text-to-drawing ratio.
Still an entertaining read that drifts into a person's struggles and joyful moments exploring relationships.
The author seemed to want to picture themselves as not so likeable and I guess they succeeded to some extent. This is compensated by some honest introspection and documentation of their path towards polyamory.
The take-away: it isn't easy, jealousy does not miraculously disappear (but monogamous relationships are also differently challenging, and do not provide absolute safeguards against jealousy either). I liked that it displayed several examples of unconventional families while not straying too far from the author's point of view.
Still an entertaining read that drifts into a person's struggles and joyful moments exploring relationships.
The author seemed to want to picture themselves as not so likeable and I guess they succeeded to some extent. This is compensated by some honest introspection and documentation of their path towards polyamory.
The take-away: it isn't easy, jealousy does not miraculously disappear (but monogamous relationships are also differently challenging, and do not provide absolute safeguards against jealousy either). I liked that it displayed several examples of unconventional families while not straying too far from the author's point of view.
March 17, 2022
A personal and autobiographical account of polyamory that doesn't overreach in its claims of generalization, often bringing the focus to the uniqueness of each polyamorous relationship. Through several lovers, Sophie learns about what kind of relationship model works best for her, while not gleaning over the challenges inherent to polyamory. She also talks about love beyond the binary of platonic or romantic, issues of jealousy and how she works through it, compersion, sex and so on. There are also brief notes about other relationships she encountered ranging from different geometric configurations (triads, quads, etc.) to poly households with kids.
Since unlike monogamy, there's little in the way of a blueprint for polyamory, it's useful to hear about the experiences of the others and much can be learned from these personal accounts. The biggest lesson being there are many many ways to nurture fulfilling relationships! Recommended for those interested in non-monogamy or relationship anarchy in general.
Since unlike monogamy, there's little in the way of a blueprint for polyamory, it's useful to hear about the experiences of the others and much can be learned from these personal accounts. The biggest lesson being there are many many ways to nurture fulfilling relationships! Recommended for those interested in non-monogamy or relationship anarchy in general.
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