I Wore My Blackest Hair

by Carlina Duan

Celebrating Chinese American girlhood in all its confusion, love, and loss.

In I Wore My Blackest Hair, Fulbright grant and Edna Meudt Memorial Award recipient Carlina Duan delivers an electric debut collection of poetry. With defiance and wild joy, Duan’s poems wrestle with and celebrate ancestry and history, racial consciousness, and the growing pains of girlhood. They explore difficult truths with grace and power. I Wore My Blackest Hair is an honest portrait of a woman in-between—identities, places, languages, and desires—and her quest to belong. The speaker is specific in her self-definition, discovering and reinventing what it means to be a bold woman, what it means to be Chinese American, and what it means to grow into adulthood. Duan moves seamlessly from the personal to the imaginative to the universal, heralding a brilliant new voice in contemporary poetry.

Genres: Poetry, Contemporary, Womens

92 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 14, 2017

About the author

CARLINA DUAN is a writer from Michigan. She is the author of the poetry collection I WORE MY BLACKEST HAIR (Little A, 2017), and the chapbook Here I Go, Torching (National Federation Poetry Societies, 2015).

Reviews

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can* · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this via Goodreads Giveaways in exchange for an honest review. All my opinions are my own.
__

2.5 stars

Bit of a mixed bag really, some poems I did like, some had me scratching my head a bit, and others I had to struggle to finish.

Been trying to read more poetry here and there, to expand my reading horizons. This one won't be staying on the list.

Others may like it more but this was a dud for me sadly.

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

Lovely collection of poetry that focuses on family, race, feminism, and individuality.

A few of my favorite lines:

"My mother is not from your country,
and I am not ashamed."
***
"I am lonely, in my lonely chest."
***
"To replace the languages our mom spoke, we
smoked up our Chinese with blond dolls,
our new knees. American girls."
***
"I was her American
daughter, my tongue
my hardest muscle
forced to swallow
a muddy alphabet."
***
"when a boy plumps his lips on your throat
and asks you to say something dirty
in CHINESE, you flip the sheets
and bite down, tasting trouble
and rage."
***
"there is an entire liquid nation in his face and no-
where to admit what I fear. some day the president
might hurt him, or lie, or
dismiss: my baba who
cleans my passport with alcohol wipes..."
***
"The truth is/ I want to leave but I don't want to leave & I know nothing/ & everything..."

[jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only ever rate poetry in terms of my personal enjoyment. I don't read a lot of it, and I wouldn't be able to give recommendations if someone came to me asking for 'good' collections. Whilst I am trying to get more into it, I certainly don't have a burning passion for picking all that much of it up. That being said, I would give this one a 3.5/4 stars for both the beauty in the writing and for the fact that I actually understood a fair amount of the poems. Winner.

I Wore My Blackest Hair is a poetry collection that muses on themes of race, familial obligation, cultural expectation, identity, roots and belonging. Feminine and tender, yet primal at times, and rich with myth.

Thank you to Netgalley and Little A for providing an eBook of this collection for review.

[Robin Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book via an Amazon-US KINDLE Unlimited download.

A great deal of you reading this might be the product of immigrant parents [of which me and my sibling happen to be] had to have wrestled between their cultural upbringing and that of being an American; being older I had a greater struggle.

The fact of the matter is that many of us, or our ancestors, have had to wrestle with the same things as Ms. Duan did in attempting to blend in with the other cultural consciousnesses to become part of what makes America great. As children we had to deal with growing up in a dual cultural environment where we learned about being an American while still keeping true to our cultural heritage intact.

I’m glad the author didn’t shy away from poignantly telling the pains she’d endured in writing her poetry. Although I’m not Chinese, I still felt that the author had spoken not only to both my heart and my mind, but to everyone reading this book regardless of how many generations they can trace their ancestry being here in the U.S.; which is why Ms. Duan has garnered 5 STARS from this author.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a brutally honest collection of poems that challenge the status-quo, push the boundaries of and question; race, color, genetics and acceptance.
For in I am the daughter of black tide/ an immigrant. Wwere my father lives, I protect. you get the feeling that she's not backing down, you can say and do all you want, but she made it here and she ain't going nowhere. I loved that.
I'll read this again and again, thanks to NetGalley.

[Manon the Malicious · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was provided an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I don’t have much to say.
Good, pretty short collection of poetry.
I really liked the author’s style and her subjects too. She talks about family, about love, about racism, xenophobia and so much more.
The reason it doesn’t get 5 stars is because I had lots of trouble really getting into it.

[Scarllet ✦ iamlitandwit · Rating 5 out of 5]

constant surprises even in a space / I thought I owned.

I am absolutely stunned - this is such a lovely collection!!

[Jennifer (JenIsNotaBookSnob) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free ebook copy of this book from Amazon publishing - that does not influence my review.

You should know that I do not read much poetry. My goal is to read at least one poetry compilation per year, but, it's November and my goal was still unmet. (Though "The Sun and Her Flowers" hovers on my computer desk waiting a turn.)

Some portions of this book were too smart for me. There were parts I didn't grasp either due to cultural differences or simply my own dense stupidity.. lol I don't mean that I couldn't understand what a poem was about, it was more why a particular phrase was chosen and if there wasn't more meaning I was missing. There are plenty of universally understood feelings though especially when Carlina's poems deal with family or love interests.

I enjoyed this as a compilation and feel like the poems really work well together.

I feel like I could recommend this collection to people who love poetry or people who are first generation immigrants and like poetry or people like me who want to widen their world view and like poetry. I don't feel like this is necessarily a good first poetry book for someone who hasn't read poetry before. I don't think my mom would understand most of this book, you know what I mean?

An enjoyable read even if I feel that I didn't get everything out of it that I could have. :)

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I honestly don't really understand a lot of poetry and I was hoping this book would be different, because I really do like poetry and want to "get it" better, if that makes sense.

There was pain and beauty in some of the poems, but could not get the meaning behind most of them. Maybe I'm not meant to? Poetry is very personal to the writer. If I related more to Carlina's life, would I understand them better? The writing style was different from how I see a lot of poems, very interesting, but might have been one of the factors in making it hard for me to understand.

Despite not getting most of the poems, I still really enjoyed reading this book. I like that it challenged my brain and made me think.

**Disclaimer, I won an ebook copy through a Goodreads giveaway.**

[Michaela · Rating 2 out of 5]

It just wasn’t for me but I don’t want that to discourage anyone else from giving it a try!

[Deepika · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved Duan's voice more in her pieces about her mother and her sister. There was a force, which was more than anger, and it didn't demand sympathy nor did it wallow in self-pity. I enjoyed those parts in this spoken-word poetry collection. The other pieces were lukewarm.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting collection of poems loosely relating to Chinese culture.

[Krystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This engrossing collection of poetry impresses with its insightful exploration of identity as a Chinese American woman, establishing Carlina Duan as a writing force to be reckoned with!

[Steph Mecham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mesmerizing style and interesting content! This is the poetry that needs to be famous instead of the instagram-popularized rupi kaur et al

[MJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

(I received an e-ARC via NetGalley; all thoughts are my own)

Reading this book was a struggle let alone finishing it. But I thought there were some poems that I like (very very few) so I thought might as well finish it. Actually scratch that, there were some stanzas/lines that I like and majority was a no-no but still tried to finish it. I just couldn't get the grasp on what the poems are about, it left me lost and confused.
And I don't like the writing style either.

[Kristen Lemaster · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this collection, since she’s a Vandy student!! The imagery is just a little too repetitive, to the point of being predictable/overplayed, especially related to descriptions of “knees” - who knew?

[Amie Whittemore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Duan's debut is glittering and fierce. These poems are largely narrative though with a lyrical ear as they explore what it means to be Asian American, to be too often erased by white American culture, to rally against systemic racism, to find one's own voice and sense of belonging.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding. All stars

[Anthony Chan · Rating 4 out of 5]

i dug it.

[Kathleen Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not just for poetry fans, this is a lovely meditation on what it means to be an American woman of Chinese heritage. I dipped in and out of this, savoring the language and the images. We don't see many poetry collections these days- I wish there were more, especially those that hang together with such lovely writing. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

[Antonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant debut collection. I responded more to some poems than others, but I really liked the collection as a whole. A young woman's searching for, and celebration of, her identity — as Chinese and American and woman. Much to love here. And many of these poems sent me spiraling off, sparking poems of my own.

Good interview with Carlina Duan on The Kindle Chronicles, epusode 484.
http://www.thekindlechronicles.com/20...

[Brandi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this, as an Asian-American. I just couldn't. It reminds me of William Faulkner's stream of consciousness. I can see Duan is trying to express her conflict with language, race, loneliness, family, and coming-of-age, but much of the meaning gets muddled in the way its written. She says a lot about tongues, saliva, pieces of fruit, throats, sticky, sticky, sticky with erroneous punctuation. Its meant to be artistic, but I won't pretend to "get" it.

[Katrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: This book of poetry focuses around life as a Chinese-American. Carlina’s poetry collection shows that her divided race influences every aspect of her life, from her romantic relationships to her relationship with her family. She shows the love, anger, frustration and feeling of isolation which touches all aspects of her life.

My thoughts: Despite teaching poetry most days of the week I rarely read it for fun as I find it difficult, or I think I do. Poetry I normally associate with teaching or studying, dissecting it bit by bit and re-churning it out in essay format. It was nice to read this collection just for fun, and no English Literature degree is needed to understand this collection.

A lot of the poems in the collection focus on her relationship with her parents, a relationship with a language and cultural barrier at times. In the initial poems she recounts an argument with her father and calling her mother a bitch, yet later on she talks about the fierce pride she holds for her mother. The most touching image in these poems is of her father, who she appears to have the most battles with, polishing her passport.

Whilst the relationship with her parents often focuses on language we see that their are traits which she associates with different people, with her sister a shared American pop-culture and with partners food. In fact food, and the mouth, are recurring images throughout this collection.

Duan experiments with style and form, some poems are written in verse, others make use of the white space on a page, very few use capitals and the slash is often used to replace other punctuation or pauses. But don’t let this scare you off, it adds to the pace and enjoyment of this collection.

Highly readable and at the moment, in England at least, this is a bargain on kindle.
I read this copy for free thanks to Netgalley.

[T.J. Burns]

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

  I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

For pretty much all of my life I've been obsessed with reading. When i was younger i would read anything i could get my hands on, however there is a genre that always eluded me....Poetry, I dreaded every poetry unit throughout high school. However recently i decided to give it another try and my mind is slowly but surely changing and this is one of the books contributing to that......

you can find the rest of my review at Hannah'sCozyCorner

[Angela Gibson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to netgalley and to publisher Little A for giving me a copy of this poetry collection in exchange for an honest review.

I requested this ARC through netgalley because I'm interested in experiencing more in my reading life than my traditional American life has provided me. Carlina Duan's poems were a peek into what it means to be American with Chinese heritage and expectations and what it takes to establish independence from parents yet still maintain love.

Carlina Duan writes about fighting to be a fighter, and it was exhilarating to read about all the biting in her poetry. I loved her taking on the expectations of being a girl, a woman, and having to be nice when she is perfectly capable of biting her way through this world.

The poem that resonated the most with me was "I Want My Books Back" and I felt the fury of anger in every carefully chosen word. Thank you, Carlina Duan, for opening my eyes to the wonders of yanking, biting, torching, and packing cuss words in my sleeves. Read this poetry collection and let your inner strength come out and rumble!

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

(I received a free advance copy from Net Gallery in exchange for an honest review.)

A gorgeous book of deeply personal poems that leave you feeling as though you’ve walked beside the author through various paths of her life

[mad mags · Rating 3 out of 5]

Poems of Loneliness, Loss, and Defiance

(Full disclosure: I received a free electronic ARC for review through NetGalley.)

I was her American
daughter, my tongue
my hardest muscle
forced to swallow
a muddy alphabet.
("FRACTIONS, 1974")

in Japan,
I meet a white-haired woman who
tells me her name means moon.
But I am crescent now, she says.
Soon I will disappear.
("YEARS")

when
a boy plumps his lip on your throat
and asks you to say something dirty
in CHINESE, you flip the sheets
and bite down, tasting trouble
and rage. in the kitchen, alone,
you devour a pickle. your white
classmate sees you. does not.
white men claim you. do not.
you are small, fierce, and evil: with
two palms and a chest. there are
boxes made for you to check.
Chinese /
American. Chinese / American.
your mom calls. she tells you to stop
writing about race. You could get
shot, she says. so you yank your hair
into a knot at the back of your neck.
so you cinch your belt tight
at the waist.
("YOUR MOM TELLS YOU TO STOP WRITING ABOUT RACE")

beware of the
Chink: how it bites.
("WHAT YOU LOOKIN’ AT, CHINK?")

#####

-- 3.5 stars --

Loneliness, grief, identity, alienation, illness, love, sex, rage, immigration, culture: the poems in I Wore My Blackest Hair glide and dance and sprint (and sometimes chomp their way) all over the map, but what they all (or mostly) share in common is an almost stubborn sense of defiance. These are stories about confronting mortality, navigating interpersonal strife, and pushing back against racist microaggressions while holding tight to one's will to keep on keeping on.

I've only recently started to read more poetry; my reticence stems from the fact that I don't always "get" the stuff. I think I got the gist of each piece, even if some (okay, a fair amount) of the imagery Duan employs went over my head. Even so, it was lovely just the same. And where it wasn't, it's because it wasn't meant to be. Some of my favorites include "MORNING COMES, I AM SHINY WITH IT," "CALUMET," "FRACTIONS, 1974," "MOON PULL," "I WANT MY BOOKS BACK," and (so much yes!) "YOUR MOM TELLS YOU TO STOP WRITING ABOUT RACE."

Incidentally, I did notice a certain pattern of repetition over time that I found a little...distracting, I guess? Certain images pop up time and again - corn and boiled eggs; pink mouths and straining muscles; hair, both head and body - almost to the point of obsession.

If I enjoyed a poet's work, I usually look them up on YouTube afterwards; hearing them perform the same pieces is often even more powerful and moving. I couldn't find too many videos of Carlina Duan, but this reading of "Twelve Years Old" is both stirring - and representative of the poems in I Wore My Blackest Hair.



CONTENTS

I WORE MY BLACKEST HAIR
PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
WHAT YOU LOOKIN’ AT, CHINK?
WHEN I BOILED THE CORN
AMENORRHEA
WHEN ALL YOU WANT
CALUMET
WHAT I’VE LOST
MORNING COMES, I AM SHINY WITH IT
EAST ANN
LITTLE SISTER, AMERICAN GIRL
GAME BOY ADVANCE
LATCHKEY
BELIEF IT IS NOT ENOUGH
FRACTIONS, 1974
YOUR MOM TELLS YOU TO STOP WRITING ABOUT RACE
I WASN’T JOKING
AUBADE FOR ANGEL ISLAND, CHINA COVE
EVERYTHING’S A FLY
AT THE SUSHI RESTAURANT HE CALLS HIMSELF A GRINGO
ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN • GENERATION 1
USIS • ANGEL ISLAND, CALIFORNIA • GENERATION 0
MOON PULL
I RUN AND I RUN AND I
THEN I WOKE UP IN YOUR BED
SEVERED
HERE I GO, TORCHING
HEY, MAN
SHUT DOWN
AT THE PARTY
PACKING LUNCH ON ANN STREET
AND WHEN
I WANT MY BOOKS BACK
ZODIAC
YEARS
PICKING RASPBERRIES WITH ADAM
PLEDGE 2.0, TRIBE, ZOO

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

http://www.easyvegan.info/2017/11/28/...

[Christina Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

my mother
is not from your
country, and I am
her daughter.
don't ask me
what it's like
being small
and Chinese.

I requested this from Netgalley on a whim as I am a big supporter of diversity in books - not in a tick-box sense where an author has included all the 'requisite' minorities, but in the sense of genuine, own-voice poetry and prose. I probably don't read as much poetry as I should as I often stick to old favourites rather than discovering new poets, but I always surprise myself with how much I enjoy reading poetry when I do.
This collection deals with Duan's childhood and coming-of-age, looking at the conflicts and mixture of her Chinese parents' upbringing and her own experience as someone who looks Chinese but is growing up in America. She aptly talks about the struggle of reconciling her two tongues and identities, how sometimes she is proud and at other times angry at the assumptions of others.


I said, MOM, MOM.
while she called me
Nǚ'ér,
nǚ'ér.
 
I was her American
daughter, my tongue
 
my hardest muscle
 
forced to swallow
a muddy alphabet.
 
 
What I liked: I believe that every opportunity for another diverse voice to be heard is to be celebrated. This is a challenging, important collection of poems showing an intensely personal view of life as the daughter of Chinese immigrants in America.

Even better if: The poems seemed to be a loose collection of poems written at different times, each reflecting another aspect of Duan's experiences. While this was interesting and powerful, it did sometimes mean that the narrative seemed a bit muddled. I would have also liked it if some Chinese characters has been included, not just pinyin, but I wonder if this could have been a choice from the author to show that distance from her parent's native tongue.

How you could use it in your classroom: I would recommend this for secondary rather than primary classrooms, particularly in many classrooms in the U.K. and America where there is a high chance that some, if not many, of the young people in your classroom will be able to relate to Carlina Duan's experiences as a child of parents who have immigrated and the mixture of cultures and languages which results.

(Thank you to Little A and Netgalley for my digital review copy)
See this and other reviews on my blog at: https://chrikarublog.wordpress.com/