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Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women
Good news, my guy! Alternatives to the strict limitations of monogamy await. By understanding and practicing polyamory, you can be empowered to live the limit of your romantic appetites and build networks of love that nourish and challenge you. But this new frontier of love will test you. Can you navigate discussions of jealousy with responsibility and care? Are you prepared to overthrow self-sabotaging patterns of neglect and deception? Can you employ your strength and confidence to shoulder the emotional duties of multiple relationships? If yes, then this is the book for you. Within, you'll learn the skills and tools you'll need to navigate the waters of conscientious nonmonogamy. This is a manual for those in it for more than the love of the game.
143 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 13, 2017
21 people are currently reading
290 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
February 13, 2018
I know other writing of Pepper Mint (especially https://freaksexual.com/2009/11/05/no..., which is wonderful), so I was tempted to read this ebook. Sadly, this book is nowhere this level.
While I agree with the spirit, and most of its content:
- style is lacking (look at the free introduction to see what I mean),
- it has too much of unnecessarily preachy tone,
- it's painfully vague, almost devoid a concrete content.
For example, he very often concludes with "educate yourself" or "read about that", but without pointing to concrete examples, or resources. Well, I expected more (vide no one gets creative because they read "be creative!" in a motivational book). The same things - he make many claims, but almost never supports them with anything (be it a link, a statistics, or even a concrete example).
Some pieces of advice are, IMHO, counterproductive. For example:
- suggesting that before getting into polyamory one should go to conference on that (well, entry barrier may be frightening to any newcomer, who is barely aware what's going on),
- some pieces of advice encouraging to be a wallflower (well, it rarely works; surely, one need to approach with respect and consent).
It's good that he calls out many issues that may be related to unhealthy cultural conditioning, especially from macho-masculinity background. Yet, sometimes it get weird (e.g. claiming that it's mostly men who cancel dates last minute).
After reading 50% I considered stopping reading. Fortunately, there are some chapters later that were good
While I agree with the spirit, and most of its content:
- style is lacking (look at the free introduction to see what I mean),
- it has too much of unnecessarily preachy tone,
- it's painfully vague, almost devoid a concrete content.
For example, he very often concludes with "educate yourself" or "read about that", but without pointing to concrete examples, or resources. Well, I expected more (vide no one gets creative because they read "be creative!" in a motivational book). The same things - he make many claims, but almost never supports them with anything (be it a link, a statistics, or even a concrete example).
Some pieces of advice are, IMHO, counterproductive. For example:
- suggesting that before getting into polyamory one should go to conference on that (well, entry barrier may be frightening to any newcomer, who is barely aware what's going on),
- some pieces of advice encouraging to be a wallflower (well, it rarely works; surely, one need to approach with respect and consent).
It's good that he calls out many issues that may be related to unhealthy cultural conditioning, especially from macho-masculinity background. Yet, sometimes it get weird (e.g. claiming that it's mostly men who cancel dates last minute).
After reading 50% I considered stopping reading. Fortunately, there are some chapters later that were good
November 1, 2017
I think this book is really interesting and it really helps in clarifying with concrete examples just how men can do emotional work and can become aware of their own issues and of the gendered aspect of their own relationships, both to themselves and to other people.
January 22, 2021
I’ve had this book for a while because I know Pepper in real life, and I’m sad it took me so long to read it.
This is perhaps the most feminist book about dating and relationships that I have ever read by a man. It is so deeply feminist that I wish all folks who identify as men in my life would read it, even if they feel like they are experienced in polyamory.
This book is smart and candid, and even the parts I didn’t love were an interesting read.
This is perhaps the most feminist book about dating and relationships that I have ever read by a man. It is so deeply feminist that I wish all folks who identify as men in my life would read it, even if they feel like they are experienced in polyamory.
This book is smart and candid, and even the parts I didn’t love were an interesting read.
August 8, 2017
Alternative title: How to not be an Asshole.
All men should read this, regardless of if they're seeking relationships that are monogamous or nonmonogamous. All men who interact with women ever, romantically or otherwise, would benefit from reading this book.
All men should read this, regardless of if they're seeking relationships that are monogamous or nonmonogamous. All men who interact with women ever, romantically or otherwise, would benefit from reading this book.
December 16, 2020
Un libro muy ameno que sin duda todos los hombres deberíamos leer, independientemente de nuestra orientación, práctica relacional o modo de interacción. Sin duda un texto accesible que permite ver que las formas de relacionarse no-monogamas tienen mucho que decir respecto al modelo tradicional de pareja.
Limitado en varios aspectos, me parece que el texto da pauta a profundizar sobre la ética amorosa y el respeto a las personas con las que nos relacionamos de forma erótica y afectiva
Limitado en varios aspectos, me parece que el texto da pauta a profundizar sobre la ética amorosa y el respeto a las personas con las que nos relacionamos de forma erótica y afectiva
June 17, 2018
While the focus of this book is to help heterosexual men improve their nonmonogamous dating practices, I felt that much of the advice offered here was helpful to all genders. I found the section on deprogramming monogamy to be especially helpful. This little book is a must for anyone who wants to improve their nonmonogamous dating practices, communication, and community.
February 7, 2020
Essential reading for all men
Polyamory is a challenging path to take for anyone. Seeking help and knowledge and really trying to learn from the experience of others is crucial to success. This book, along with many others should form a solid foundation of any foray into Polyamory - thank you Pepper Mint for sharing your experiences and wisdom, very much appreciated!
Polyamory is a challenging path to take for anyone. Seeking help and knowledge and really trying to learn from the experience of others is crucial to success. This book, along with many others should form a solid foundation of any foray into Polyamory - thank you Pepper Mint for sharing your experiences and wisdom, very much appreciated!
June 18, 2018
This is one of the better books on nonmonogamy I've read. Where there are, as always, places where the author speaks in absolutes and I'd like to see a little more nuance, overall this approach feels suitable for a very compact book.
Read
July 31, 2019More of an introduction to being a decent human being
A very quick read, which was nice, but many sections didn't go into much detail, leaving it to the reader to explore on their own. I consider this a good thing, since a book can't do the hard work for you.
A very quick read, which was nice, but many sections didn't go into much detail, leaving it to the reader to explore on their own. I consider this a good thing, since a book can't do the hard work for you.
October 20, 2021
Playing fair discusses common western stereotypical mind-set pitfalls and gaps in the male perspective. Providing insight to men who are unable to see a female perspective in relationships. It does fairly well to addresses a sub-genre of non-monogamy.
August 4, 2022
Use with extreme caution. This book could lead you to become a victim with its emphasis on subordination of your own welfare to that of women. Do your own research on trauma attachment-avoidant prevalence in the “poly” community. And beware of narcissism. Read about BPD and NPD.
January 26, 2018
A good quick read for challenging traditional socialization of men. At the same time it makes a lot of assumptions of the reader but I feel like everyone can take something good away from this book.
March 4, 2020
Excellent. A must for all Men, especially those who want to build solid relationships.
April 4, 2020
Very short book. Finished it in a day and I am NOT a fast reader. Mint keeps the book efficient and informative which is why I I would recommend it to everyone. I learned a few very good tips on general politeness and how to interact in a poly relationship without being excommunicated from the group. This book was a huge contrast against one of the last books I read from the "redpill" community which was very misogynistic. Both authors from these very different books claim to have fantastic sex lives but Mint's approach is much more refreshing since he teaches you how to treat people with dignity and not as sexual objects.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews