Who Am I If You're Not You?

by Lynn Thorne

A love's journey beyond gender. A story of Jennifer and Marc--the real-life couple at the heart of this book.

Genres: Book Club

151 pages, Paperback

First published November 13, 2017

Reviews

[Carmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a remarkable love story that starts with two women, and continues with a woman and a man... only it's not about divorce and remarriage. This is Jennifer's story of marrying a woman, Marika - who then became Marc. It's a remarkable tale of expectations, transition, grief, and love. It's beautifully told and horrible and gut-wrenching in places, with splashes of humor that are surprising and wonderful. The writing is concise and fast moving so you get a lot of story in a few pages, but the best part is the authenticity in the story telling. There is no gloss or spit-polish in the presentation of this tale, just raw honesty, and it's very refreshing.

I didn't know what to expect with this topic, and I was glad that it's not preachy and the author doesn't come across as someone with an ax to grid. It's just a well written, compelling, and complex love story of two people who went through the storm together. Dr Ritz Mae Brown, MSH called it "a Category 5 hurricane" and I agree. When the storm passed and the clouds dropped the last of their burden and the sun came back out, this couple was still standing. If anyone knows the truth of what it means to be a married couple, it's Marc and Jennifer.

It's a very life affirming tale and I'm so glad I read it. I'd love to see this book taught in schools as a way of reminding us all that no matter what labels we wear or where we find ourselves on the continuum of gender, we share a common humanity. Love and grief are a part of all of our lives eventually. I know you'll love this book!

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though the subject matter was weighty and sometimes hard to read, the themes of acceptance, identity, and love are ones we can all relate to no matter what our sexual orientation might be. Presented in such an accessible way, this truly intimate reflection of two people's lives was educational and heartening and will go a long way in our discussions on gender identity and societal norms. Thank you, Jen and Marc, for so courageously sharing your stories and thank you, Lynn, for bringing it to the world's eyes.

[Paula Adkins-boyland · Rating 5 out of 5]

This incredibly powerful love story captures the remarkable resilience and courage of Jennifer and Marc. They drew back the veil and allowed the author a clear view of their raw emotions. Their journey is written from Jennifer's perspective - the pain, fear, anxiety and feelings of invisibility she dealt with while all eyes were on Marc. I was unable to put the book down - I needed to know more and the author did not disappoint.

[Deb Booth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you fall in love with a person, or a gender? And if the gender of that person you love changes, does your love change too? Thoughtfully written, this book brings a different perspective to a different kind of (true!) story - a marriage that was originally between 2 women, one of whom reaches the conclusion that she is, indeed, a man in a woman's body. This is a stunner of a book - eye-opening, heart-wrenching, all-the-feelings filled - made all the more powerful because it's true (did I say it was true already?), and truthfully written. An emotional roller coaster ensues, once the decision is reached to "make the outside match the inside" - for BOTH parties - but in this case, the tale is told from the perspective of the spouse, rather than the transgendered individual, which makes it especially poignant. Using hours upon hours of taped interviews, the author threads the difficult needle of staying OUT of the story, even as she crafts it - using poetry written by Jennifer, and sharing Jen's harrowing journey, Lynn brings light to the darker side of emotional maelstrom caused by the decision to be true to oneself, even as it potentially rips the fabric of one's life and one's love. This is a book for our times - and it's for everyone, regardless of gender identification. Do yourself a favor, and read this book. You'll be glad you did. *Disclaimer: I happen to be related to the author - but don't let that influence your choice to read the book - it's *that* good.

[Guy Lozier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully written...Once I began reading this story, I couldn't put it down until I was finished. That should tell you a lot right there. The story took me on a journey of the ups and downs of a relationship which finally turned into a life between two people. The problems that transpire when we focus too much on self without attempting to understand the one we are with. That can be daunting and cause many hardships for everyone. Yet the story was one that kept you wondering, how will things work out in the end? How will they reconcile their problems and how will they find their way together? The realizations which allowed them to be a family instead of just a couple. I'm thankful to have read this story and if I hadn't read it yet, I would definitely want to read it. Amazing overall, yet grounded and an eye-opener. Keep up the wonderful writing Lynn, your talents need an outlet and we need you...

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a heart-wrenching story that brings up so many different questions. The main one (I think) being, would your love change for someone if their gender changed? Is your love for the person or for the person and their gender? Such a great story that really touched me. I think it was outrageously brave for Jennifer and Marc to not only share their story but trust in Lynn to do it justice. Which, in my opinion, she did.

"It's time to decide.
Which way will I choose?
Staying down here would be easy, but there would be no peace.
I'd stay here tormented by my thoughts in my sleep.
If I chose to swim up, the path would be hard;
long, dark and lonely, but there would be a reward.
I'd find myself there, on the top, in the light.
No more darkness surrounding me; no more demons in sight."

[Beth White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jen and Marc's story is at once devastating, thrilling, inspiring, and beautiful. Lynn Thorne has written their lives with truth, dignity, and honor, and it swells my heart that her words have given encouragement to so many in the queer community who travel the journey of discovering and expressing their identity. I recommend this book to anyone who cares about identity and love.

[Liam Mericle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story

As a trans man myself, it’s easy to relate to other trans men and their journeys. However, it’s not always easy to relate to those who endure the journey with us. It’s nice to read a story from the perspective of the other side.

[Karen Moller · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating read. I loved it

[Lynn Cully · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough I was gripped from start to finish only had the book 2 days and finished it...definitely worth a read