You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone

by Rachel Lynn Solomon

“Heartfelt, deeply moving.” —Buzzfeed “Dark and thought-provoking.” —Publishers Weekly “A stunning debut.” —VOYA A poignant, lyrical debut novel about twins who navigate first love, their Jewish identity, and shocking results from a genetic test that determines their fate—whether they inherited their mother’s Huntington’s disease.Eighteen-year-old twins Adina and Tovah have little in common besides their ambitious nature. Viola prodigy Adina yearns to become a soloist—and to convince her music teacher he wants her the way she wants him. Overachiever Tovah awaits her acceptance to Johns Hopkins, the first step on her path toward med school and a career as a surgeon. But one thing could wreck their carefully planned a genetic test for Huntington’s, a rare degenerative disease that slowly steals control of the body and mind. It’s turned their Israeli mother into a near stranger and fractured the sisters’ own bond in ways they’ll never admit. While Tovah finds comfort in their Jewish religion, Adina rebels against its rules. When the results come in, one twin tests negative for Huntington’s. The other tests positive. These opposite outcomes push them farther apart as they wrestle with guilt, betrayal, and the unexpected thrill of first love. How can they repair their relationship, and is it even worth saving? From debut author Rachel Lynn Solomon comes a luminous, heartbreaking tale of life, death, and the fragile bond between sisters.

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Fiction, Romance, Mental Health, Realistic Fiction, Young Adult Contemporary

401 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 2, 2018

About the author

Rachel Lynn Solomon is the New York Times bestselling author of The Ex Talk, Today Tonight Tomorrow, and other romantic comedies for teens and adults. Her books have been translated into more than fifteen languages and optioned for film. Originally from Seattle, she's currently navigating expat life with her husband in Amsterdam, where she can often be found exploring the city, collecting stationery, and working up the courage to knit her first sweater. Connect with her on Instagram @rlynn_solomon.

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Tomorrow , when we turn eighteen, Adi and I will take a genetic test that will tell us whether we’ve inherited
our mother’s Huntington’s disease, the asteroid that knocked our family out of orbit four years ago. The black hole swallowing her up".
Tova and Adina ( Adi), are Fraternal twins.
Adi doesn’t feel ready to take the test. She doesn’t want to know.
Tova does want to know.

Because of a past incident a couple years ago between the sisters - Adi has promised she would take the test with her sister Tova on their 18th birthday.
She owes Tova.

They take the test - wait three weeks for the results.

We take a journey with Tova and Adi -
with their family - their friends - their passions and talents - ( music and medicine) - their love interests - their sexual awakening - their Jewish faith - their life purpose- the struggles with their sister- twin-relationship.

The trials and tribulations that Tova and Adina go through are heartbreaking.

If you were turning 18 years old tomorrow would you take a genetic test that would let you know whether or not you were going to develop
Huntington’s Disease - a debilitating disease ending in death- given one of your parents was already suffering with it at age 42?
There is a 50% chance you could test positive.
And if you knew at age 18 - so young - how might life change?

The author wrote a compassionate page turning story
We walk along side both sisters. Our emotions are invested. We care.
We have thoughts about their choices.

Tova and Adina are very different. Very different types of young women.
Personally - I admired both of them. I felt they were both warriors in their own way fighting their own inner battles.

Big Thanks to *Nancy* who recommended I read this book! Absolutely- I’m glad I did!!!!
Thanks, Nancy!!!

[Chelsea (chelseadolling reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an intense read, wow. This was SO MUCH darker than I expected it to be. It managed to be completely engrossing while also teaching me so many things I didn't know about both Huntington's Disease and what it is like to be part of a conservative Jewish family. What a great start to the Buzzword Readathon for me!

TW: self harm, depression, suicide

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 1/2


I really enjoyed this book. It was about 2 things I don’t read about to often; The Jewish culture & Huntingtons Disease. It also was about family to the core. Even though Adi and Tov are fraternal twins they are not close anymore and barely speak. Throughout the course of this book we see them finally get closer and try to understand each other.
📖
☕️
Huntington’s Disease is horrible and so scary. I felt for this family so very much. It was scary watching one of the twins learn that she will have the disease one day and that everything she can do now she won’t ever be able to do again. It’s definitely something that needs to be talked about more.
📖
☕️
Overall would definitely recommend this book. I don’t think I’ve heard a ton of people talk about it but I really enjoyed it. Its a sad book for sure but the writing is beautiful and the characters are so flawed and complex.

[Rachel Solomon]

Update on 1/2/18: YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE is officially out in the world today!!

Update on 11/14/17: Now that advance copies are out in the world, I want to note that this book deals with heavy issues that aren't evident from the description. Adding a TW here for self-harm and suicidal ideation. If you would like specific page numbers or further information, please let me know, and I'm happy to provide that. You can contact me through my website: http://www.rachelsolomonbooks.com/con....

Update: YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE will officially be out in the world on January 2, 2018!

I am so beyond excited to share this book! It is dual POV, narrated by both sisters, and contains a lot of things that are dear to my heart: ambitious, sometimes unlikable girls, complex sibling relationships, awkward and all-consuming first love, moral gray areas, and protagonists who are practicing Jews. I can't wait for you to read it!

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this was a hard book to read, but really well written. Chronic illness and SERIOUS chronic illness is an issue that not enough books touch on, or often when they do, it’s often with a very light hand. I really appreciated the way author Rachel Lynn Solomon handled this heartbreaking look at the effects of Huntington’s disease, and the decision by two sisters to be tested after watching their mother slowly get worse over the course of four years since her diagnosis.

Tava and Adira are very different. One, a musician, the other, an academic. One comfortable with her body and (one can infer perhaps partially because of her innocence evaporating at a young age) quite forward with men, which has bad consequences. The other, shy and awkward. The sisterly jealousy, even though both have their own individual accomplishments, is right on the nose. This book strikes all sorts of good notes, from first love, to devastating heartbreak, to the wretched loneliness of feeling you are trapped with no choices in a body that will slowly kil you, to the love of a family who despite its flaws never gives in. A must read.

Trigger Warnings: chronic and terminal illness, minors having sex with adults (age range was barely legal in that state, but still skeevy), thoughts of suicide, self-harm

Please excuse typos/name misspellings. Entered on screen reader.

[Navessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Sonatas and concertos tell stories. They make you feel every possible emotion, sometimes all within a single piece…they are joy and tragedy and fear and hate and love. They are everything I never say out loud.”

There are a lot of truly lovely and meaningful quotes I could have used from this book to start my review of it, but the above best sums up this reading experience. Adina and Tovah’s story is full of joy and tragedy and fear and hate and love.

I have two sisters, and Adina and Tovah’s sisterly relationship just rang so true to me. It reflected a lot of my own experiences. The petty jealousy, the competitiveness, the sometimes blinding dislike, it was all there, and then some.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is told through dual first person PoV, and while I’ve read a lot of books that use this method of storytelling, this was hands down one of the best executed.

Adina is a musician, and her narrative reads much like a symphony. Her chapters are filled with highs and lows, poetical metaphor, and lyrical, beautiful storytelling. Her twin, Tovah, dreams of becoming a doctor, and her chapters are written in a clean, concise, sometimes surgical voice that reflects that. From the very beginning, you’re given a clear understanding of who each girl is, and how they differ. And yet they’re twins, so the similarities are also there, subtly woven into each PoV in such a way that you can’t help but hope that they resolve their conflict and realize they’re more alike than they think.

And there is a LOT of conflict within this book.

Imagine that your mother has a fatal disease. One that manifests much like rapidly progressive dementia, only with the addition of more apparent physical symptoms along with the memory loss. Now imagine finding out that you’ve inherited it. Every time your mother forgets a name, or stumbles, or has a facial tic, or slurs her speech, you’re forced to watch your own fate. A thousand times a week, you bear witness to the inescapable reality of your future. Now imagine having a twin who has escaped this fate.

Talk about a firestorm of emotions.

The fact that Adina and Tovah’s relationship was fraught with betrayal and animosity before one is diagnosed with Huntington’s only makes the resulting emotional turmoil that much more intense. The dual PoVs add an interesting dimension to this for the reader, because you find yourself sympathetic to both, angry at each in turn for what they do to the other, and yet also empathetic.

I loved it. I loved that I couldn’t figure out who I was meant to root for. Now that I’ve finished the book, I’m pretty sure it was both.

This is a more mature YA, complete with swearing and sex and mental health issues. There are some stronger themes in here than a lot of the contemporary YA that I’ve read, and I’m happy to say that they were very well portrayed, and handled with the depth they deserve. There’s also some great representation of diversity in this, and I love that I’m seeing more and more of it in YA.

The sisters – well, Tovah, at least – would identify as conservative Jewish. Their faith is an integral part of the story. Not only do they speak Hebrew at home, but there are a hundred smaller references to their beliefs and practices throughout this. It was superbly executed. As a non-Jewish reader, I never felt overwhelmed or confused about the details. I never felt as if I was being lectured or preached to, like I sometimes have with other books including a strong religious aspect. It was just who they were.

Was this an easy read? No. And you should know that going in. You are probably going to feel ALL the emotions. You are probably going to get really angry with these sisters. But know that it’s all worth it. Because the ending, while not a perfectly tied up little bow of peace and happiness and resolution (which would be BS if it was), at least leaves you feeling like these two have learned and grown, and will continue to do so off the page.

I can’t recommend this enough for YA readers. I enjoyed it so much that Rachel Lynn Solomon is going on my one-click list. She’s truly an author to watch.

This review is also available on The Alliterates.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Posted at Shelf Inflicted

After reading the heartbreaking and thought-provoking Inside the O'Briens, I went in search of more fiction that deals with Huntington’s disease.

This is the story of fraternal twin sisters Adina and Tovah, two teenagers who have gradually grown apart.

Can one enjoy a book and at the same time be glad it’s over? Perhaps I’m just too old to read about 18-year-olds with their volatile emotions, their self-centeredness, and their never-ending drama. Add to this boiling cauldron a mother with early symptoms of Huntington’s disease and the upheaval that results when both sisters decide to take the genetic test to determine if they have inherited the gene. One of the twins has it and one doesn’t. This story very thoughtfully explores what it means to live with the possibility of inheriting a rare genetic disease and watching that disease slowly take the life of a parent as well as the survivor guilt experienced by the one who manages to escape this fate.

There are pros and cons to predictive testing. On the positive side is an increased ability to plan for the future and a life without worry or uncertainty about getting this disease. On the negative side, receiving a positive result is likely to be emotionally devastating to the individual. In Adina’s case, she experiences anger, despair, suicidal thoughts, and engages in self-destructive behavior. All of this makes it difficult to like her at times, but the author has done a wonderful job creating well-rounded characters that are easy to empathize with. While the sisters are both extremely competitive and share many of the same problems plaguing teenagers their age, it was good to have both of their perspectives, as their personalities, beliefs, and attitudes are very different. Another good thing is the presence of loving parents. So often, parents are absent or insignificant characters in fiction for young people.

While I was exhausted by the time I reached the story’s conclusion, I can’t deny that this debut was beautifully written, engaging, thoughtful, and convincing. I very much look forward to more of Rachel Lynn Solomon’s novels.

“The fear is never far away. My broken heel reminds me the disease could sneak up on me at any moment. One day I will twitch when I want to be still, rage when I want to be happy, forget when I want to remember. It has happened to my mother, and it will happen to me. We are a doomed family – but we are not done fighting yet.”

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Actual rating: 5/5 Tov Stars***

The thin ivory candles in the middle of the table are a third their original height. Jews are not to extinguish them; we are supposed to let them burn on their own instead. That’s what I have been taught.
Tonight I lean over and blow them out.

It’s official! You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone just drew my reading year of 2017 to a close perfectly. Wow, I don’t even know where to begin with this splendid piece of writing by the lovely Rachel. This book is highly educational (in my opinion) and slightly entertaining. I learn a lot about the mysterious Hebrew language, Jewish people and their traditions; I also learn a lot about both physical and mental health issues.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone starts with a pair of 18-year-old, half-American, half-Israeli, Jewish twins, Tovah and Adina Siegel, hating each other’s guts from the very beginning to the end. They never stop feeling jealous toward the other’s achievements in life and they also have trouble communicating with each other since they all have so much to complain about and find fault with. Tovah is the academic genius who never fails a test and participates in a variety of extracurricular activities so that she can be fully prepared for the early application to the one and only Johns Hopkins. She aces in all her works and has an ambition to become a great surgeon in the future. She’s a well-disciplined and extremely obedient daughter who always follows the Jewish rules such as keeping kosher or wearing the evil eye bracelet all the time.

On the contrary, Adina is the treacherous, rebellious one who never quite listens to her Aba and Ima (that’s how Tovah and Adina call their papa and mama), who’s not afraid to go on an adventure just to see what life has to offer. Just because she doesn’t study as hard as Tovah doesn’t mean she’s not talented. In fact, Adina is a viola prodigy. She spends days and nights practicing viola; she even takes private lessons with Arjun, her 25-year-old Indian music teacher.

I don’t know why but Tovah and Adina seem to fight/compete against each other on literally everything; one gets envious when the other achieves something great. They never stop arguing about trivial matters all the time, and I get that it’s probably the sibling thingy (honestly, sometimes twins are even worse because they’re the same age, they look identical and they have to share their parents’ love) but what I find hard to believe is how opposite, how different Tovah and Adina are.

It’s already dreadful enough that both sisters keep comparing themselves with each other and constantly make the other’s life miserable; to make matters worse, the story truly begins when they get their genetic test results for early diagnosis of Huntington’s disease, the one that slowly eats their Ima away day after day. Huntington’s disease is an inherited disorder that results in death of brain cells; some of the earliest symptoms include memory loss, mood swings, unsteady gaits, lack of coordination, hallucinations…etc.

With the completely opposite test results, the twins are no longer twins. In order not to spoil anything about the story, I’d leave this part out for you to discover by yourselves. *wink*

What I’d like to talk about is Adina’s characteristics. It never comes across my mind that such a talented viola player can be someone so dangerous—both physically and mentally—because she always seems so passionate and confident about her life. Little do I know how mentally unstable Adina actually is and the more her story unfolds, the more shocking I become.

Tovah will bring me zero relief. If she and I grow close again, she will be a constant reminder of everything I am missing out on. It’s because we are twins that it will hurt so much, seeing her experience things that I cannot, knowing I am so close to them but unable to grasp them. I will watch her graduate college and become a surgeon and fix people and get married and maybe have children. I will watch her plan an entire fucking future without worrying about an impending death. I will watch her mull over choice after choice after choice.
Maybe life is better without her.

She’s so determined to destroy Tovah’s life by accomplishing everything Tovah can’t or fails to accomplish, and then she’s so sure about sleeping with older guys. She never truly experiences puppy love because she always deems herself as a young girl with mature mind who deserves to have sex be with older men. Yep, Adina is this kind of double-life girl who seems to perform excellently in front of prominent musical influencers while seeks a way to satisfy her sexual desire at nights.

It is a mystery to me when lust turns to love, when sex turns into a relationship. If a relationship means playing duets and cooking together and teaching each other words in other languages, then maybe that is exactly what Arjun and I have. Maybe love is what comes next.

In the meanwhile, since the lovely-teacher’s pet-Tovah is so wrapped up in her studies and extracurricular activities, having a boyfriend is never on her to-do list in the near future. But who knows? Thanks to the adorable guy with a gap between his front teeth named Zack, Tovah finally manages to see the world through an artist’s eyes. *heart eyes & pink bubbles*

Zack reaches across the table and touches my evil-eye bracelet, his index finger spinning one of the beads. Jewelry’s always itched and scratched me, but this is a link to a family member I know so little about, so when Ima gave it to me for Chanukah, I vowed to wear it as much as possible.
“That’s new,” he says. A statement, not a question. This close, I can smell his ocean-salt cologne.
“So is your cologne.”
His cheeks flush. “You got me there.”
“This was my Israeli grandmother’s, on my mother’s side.”
“Can’t say the same about my cologne.”

Tovah and Zack’s transformation from friends to lovers is both cheesy and awkward but I love it! I mean, they have some serious, real talks about love, life and even sex instead of the cliché sorts of sweet nothing.
I also appreciate how Tovah can look past Zack’s unexperienced self in romantic relationship/sex and she can also put aside the stereotypical thinking that artists are poor. Seriously, it’s really rare for an ambitious, successful genius to see beneath the ordinarily beautiful.

”There are a lot of ways to be smart,” I say, though I probably wouldn’t have considered Zack’s art intelligent before this year. “It’s not all about grammar or tests. Your art, for example, that’s smart. I can tell how much thought you put into it, even when you claim it doesn’t mean anything.”
“What I’m trying to say is, you never make me feel that way. Like I’m not smart enough to be with you, even though you’re a genius too. And I really appreciate it.”

Undoubtedly, the main focus of this book is on the Siegel twins because whoa, you won’t believe how much they’ve improved throughout the story. When it comes to character development in a story, I always think it means the little steps those protagonists take or the subtle progress they make because those are pretty much what I’ve read so far. Thus, color me shock when I finished reading this book. *deadpan* Adina is the ticking bomb in the Siegel family and Tovah is the most motivated one in life; in the last few chapters of the book, both of them somehow realize the essence of life and the knowhow to live life to the fullest all of a sudden. No kidding, the twins suddenly find their unique way of compromise and for once, I finally feel relieved to see them stick together like a family does.

Our relationship probably won’t ever be what it was before we started growing into our own skin. Before we hurt each other. Before the world hurt us. Maybe we’ll never fully understand each other or know all of each other’s secrets, and surely we’ll never recapture our childhood innocence. But we can have something new. Something messy and real and imperfect, because that’s what both of us are.

All in all, I have a good time reading You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone since the plot twists are so intense and the huge difference between Tovah and Adina’s personalities is pretty intriguing. Though I admit that this book at some point makes me feel really, really down because there are some serious issues addressed and Rachel’s writing is so good that it’s hard not to feel what the characters are struggling with.

In my opinion, trigger warnings for Huntington’s disease, depression, anxiety, suicide, and strong sexual desire are necessary before reading/recommending this book to someone else. Besides, I would totally suggest teenagers (especially senior high school students) read You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone since most of the main characters are facing a lot of indecisions about their college majors, future careers, meanings of life and such but most importantly, their lessons of life are what you truly don’t want to miss!

Anyway, You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a brilliant debut work of Rachel and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it to everyone (*please note the TW)! It’s one of my most anticipated reads for 2018 and I’m pleased to say that it doesn’t disappoint. Lastly, I just want to say that Rachel, you’re officially one of my top favorite authors from now on!

***Thanks to FFBC for providing me with an e-copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.***

[Karlita | Tale Out Loud · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adina and Tovah Seigel may be twins but they were entirely different in every sense possible. The only thing that they have in common was the hate and jealousy they felt for each other.

Adina is a viola prodigy who devoted her whole life in it. She took her music very seriously and was not afraid to take the risk, being comfortable with her own skin or bringing herself with confidence and pride. She also had private lessons with her Indian music teacher, Arjun and her passion for becoming a soloist never wore off. She may be a rebel at times, handling everything well on the outside but she has a lot of weak spots that no one knows about.

Tovah, on the other hand, was a shameless overachiever—an AP kid, a scientist, an athlete, a student council rep and a hospital volunteer. She excelled in everything she wanted to accomplish and had her next ten years of life perfectly planned out. She dreamt of getting in at Johns Hopkins and be a surgeon. She also keeps kosher religiously and everything that has something to do with their Jewish traditions.

On their 18th birthday, they both got tested for an early diagnosis of Huntington's disease. When they found out the genetic test results, that's when everything went upside down for the Seigel—a crescendo that got louder and louder and cuts like a scalpel to the deepest vein of life, over and over again.

There was something about Adina that drawn me to her words, the symphony of her voice, the classical quality of her rhythm and it felt very lyrical, raw and real all at once. Sometimes I felt like invading her private space but I couldn't stop knowing her more in every chapter. She was a mystery I wanted to crack open to uncover the deepest secrets or a song that tells between every beat of the music.

Though I was longing for Adina, I felt every emotion that Tovah had. The relief that has been snatched too soon for her to enjoy, the guilt of every possibility she could make in her lifetime, the rejection that came from her dreams and her best friend, and the heaviness of the choices she needed to make on her own. Her struggles were sharp and intense like a surgical knife that ached from the inside out. There were times it felt too much and I needed time to breathe like how she needed hers.

Same went with Adina. Everything she has gone through was a vicious turmoil. I like how confident she was with her own sexuality but also knew how guys took advantage of her vulnerability and I knew how hopeless she felt was. I couldn't pick which twin to root because I rooted for both.

The things that happened between Adina and Tovah were like the seasons, always in constant change. They fell apart like the shedding leaves from the trees and covered their hearts with snow caps in winter or sprung the rebirth of old relationships and enjoy every wave of whatever life will bring for both of them.

I love how the author made the supporting characters brought complexity on both twins which gave a riveting structure and depth to the characters making them flawed, imperfect and human or how they stir emotions without glamorizing the truth and reality of life as a whole.

I like the mention of different culture, on both Indian and Jewish, or how religion became an essential ingredient to the familial aspect of the story. I knew how this affected the faith of both twins and as I grew closer to them, I learned a lot about their traditions, how they spoke Hebrew at home and how they were bonded even the storm tried to crushed them all. This gave a great representation of diversity in YA with underlying issues on anxiety, depression, suicide and Huntington's disease.

You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is a solid and electrifying debut, a magnet that defy all laws. It will pull you in, keep you on edge and before you knew it, your a babbling cadence of emotions knocking you out on your own orbit.

***Thank you to NetGalley, Simon Pulse and Rachel Lynn Solomon for providing me an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review!

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[Karen McManus · Rating 5 out of 5]

A complex, nuanced book with a sibling story at its heart that's unlike anything I've read before. Rachel Solomon knocks it out of the park with this debut.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a haunting read.

I can’t give this anything less than 5 stars because I devoured it. I read it in one day, and by the end of it I was emotionally drained. This story broke my heart over and over again. I had to take little breaks between chapters to just catch up on my thoughts.

This follows two estranged sisters, who are complete opposites. One artistic and outgoing, and the other academic and an introvert. After their 18th birthday, they are tested for Huntington’s, which runs in the family. One of them tests positive, the other negative. Now one sister must rethink her future plans and factor in Huntington’s, while the other has to wrestle with the guilt of testing negative while her sister tested positive.

There were times that both Adina and Tovah were unlikable, but that just made me like them even more. They were flawed, sometimes selfish, but very complex and real. Their relationship was so far from perfect, with jealousy and guilt between them. And there were times when you were siding with Adina in their arguments, and then the next chapter you were rooting for Tovah. But the end of day, you just couldn’t help but sympathize with both of them. They both made their mistakes, but they both were so well-developed and you just wanted them to reconcile and try to fix their relationship.

Every single relationship in this book was so fragile. Adina and Tovah’s relationship, their relationship with their parents, with their love interests, their friends. I recommend this to anyone who likes reading about complex characters.

This story also has a heavy focus on the sisters’ religions: Judaism. They talk a lot about their faiths, traditions, and practices. One sister is very religious while the other has her doubts.

This book was heartbreaking but also hopeful. It was one of my most anticipated books of 2018 and I’m so glad it didn’t disappoint me.

Thank you to Netgalley for this ARC.

[Dahlia]

Oh, this was really, really good. And yeah, I'm excited to see more Jewish rep in YA that isn't Holocaust-related, but as a sister book, as a coming-of-age, as a book about teens looking to the future, as a book about examining your own worth through other's eyes, as a book about familial relationships on the whole...yeah, this is good.

[Monali · Rating 4 out of 5]

⚠️ Trigger warnings: Suicidal tendency, sickness trauma

🔸I so so loved this book. It is emotional, informational as well as enjoyable.
Plot: Adina and Tovah are twins and are going to be 18 soon. Adina is musically inclined and playing viola means life to her. Tovah is academically brilliant and aspires to be a surgeon. Their mother suffers from Huntington’s, a rare degenerative disease that slowly steals control of the body and mind. Adina and Tovah are going to test once they are 18 which will ascertain whether they have inherited this genetic disease from their mother or not. The results of the test reveals that one twin has inherited while the other has tested negative. The story deals with sibling rivalry, guilt, resentment, adrenaline rush of first love and the bond that the twins share.

💖 This book took me through an emotional ride and it always had my attention since I wanted to know what happens next. Which twin is tested positive, what happens to their mother, how does the family cope up with this news, how does sisters take this info. in their stride and deal with it.

It’s good story telling by Rachel inspite this was her debut. She has dealt so many sensitive topics beautifully. There is lots of Jewish representation and I got a peek into their culture. It was a fairly quick read for me and I would recommend this book if you are into YA fiction.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a heavy hitter. I knew it was going to be a tough read from the synopsis but I didn’t realize how hard. This book takes some dark turns. Where I was expecting it to turn into a wholesome family bonding, coming of age, dealing with tough times and grief with loved ones, it sidestepped. Both these sisters are overly ambitious which also means they are overly critical of themselves and each other. While I don’t think either girl is particularly likable, you are still rooting for them even in their darkest inner monologues. So definitely not a light and fluffy “we’ll get through tough times together” type of story; more of a “fuck, this sucks, we’re all angry and frustrated, let’s make destructive decisions to learn the errors of our ways” type of story. Impactful and eye opening to the actual truth behind heredity disease and how it can tear a family apart.

[Shannon Miz · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight

Gah, where do I even start, friends? So a lot of you know that I have been slumping, hard. For like, many months. And no book was able to really and truly "wow" me. Well, that is until I read You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone. Yep, Rachel Lynn Solomon, with her debut, no less, managed to break a slump that lasted the better part of a year. That is how good this book is. And now I am going to tell you why I felt that way!

Obviously, this pulls at the heartstrings. I suppose that goes without saying when you're talking "book with terminal illness" but still. It wasn't all teary, though! I thought that the illness part was handled very realistically. Yes, it is a curse that hangs over this family's head every single day. It effects all of their lives immensely. But they also have other aspects of their lives, of their personalities. Still, you can't help but feel for each of them, as this disease is truly a horrific death sentence.

Family. Just family. Not only do we have the incredibly complex relationship between sisters Tovah and Adina, but we have their interactions with their parents, and the interactions of the family as a unit. While each girl does have her own interests and daily lives, this is absolutely a family-centric novel through and through. Dealing with the slow, painful demise of their beloved mother haunts the girls in different ways, but they both are clearly grieving. And the parents, knowing that one of their daughters will also see this fate, well they were of course devastated. How does a family cope with something like this? That is the sort of question that this book beautifully tackles.

The book is quite sex-positive.  I so wish this was around when I was a teen. The same feelings I had, the same questions I had, these girls had, and the book absolutely showcased their questions, their worries, their feelings as normal and valid. I also like that while sex is positive, the pitfalls and consequences are also discussed. It was such a good, responsible balance.

The complexities of religion are also well handled. One sister is quite devout, and one has seen her faith lapse, but the author handled both situations with a lot of sensitivity, and was very clear that there is no "right" answer. Religion definitely had a central focus in the family, but it also was okay that one of the sisters had doubt and questions.

Both sisters were so, so relatable. I saw bits of myself in both Tovah and Adina. At first, I admit I wasn't a fan of Tovah. But by the end of the book? I realized that the things I didn't like about Tovah were issues that I didn't like about myself, and for a book to make me see that kind of blew my mind. You can't not feel for these girls, no matter how much you do or don't have in common with them, because they're so very human, so they're relatable at their core.

The writing was fabulous. I flew through this book, because it was emotive, but also because the writing simply blew me away.

A lot of very difficult issues are tackled in this novel, including the Right-to-Die issue. I don't think I have ever seen that in Young Adult before, and the author handled it just as she did the other big issues- with grace and sensitivity, and completely judgment-free.


Bottom Line: This is going to be a book that I push on people all year, hell, all decade. It's simply that good.

[Marta :} · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before I start reviewing this book, I want to tell you that You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone by Rachel Lynn Solomon is probably my favourite book of the year. It's one of the most powerful reads of mine, it was raw, it made me feel things. It was absolutely perfect and when it comes out in January, please make sure you read it because you have no idea what you're losing on.

"I thought I could force him to love me. Relationships are not about control, though, and perhaps that is why I have never had a real one. I want to always feel strong when I am with guys. That isn’t going to change. I am always going to wear my dresses and red lipstick because I like them. I am always going to have people watch me when I am onstage, but my looks are not the only things that make me Adina."


I'm not sure how to make a structure for this book review as I usually tell you first about the things I've enjoyed and then about the ones I didn't. But this book is different because I've enjoyed absolutely everything. Like literary, there's nothing I didn't enjoy. So, buckle up because we're going on a fangirling trip, my dear.



Things that I absolutely loved about You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone :

How the books makes it pretty clear that women can be everything and don't have to be limited to only on trait (like smart, beautiful or talented).

The characters are absolutely unique, Rachel Lynn Solomon did a great job at creating complex and three-dimensional characters. They felt so real, that for the first time, I had absolutely no problem imagining them, imagining what they would like, what they might do in a situation. I absolutely love how Adina and Tovah, the main characters, are very different. Adina is a music prodigy, she is very cofident, she loves make-up and dresses, she's experienced in relationships. And then, Tovah is the smart girl, the one that never gets comments on how she looks, but is always complimented on her brain, she's not that experienced in relationships. You get the idea.

What I absolutely loved about Solomon's book is how she fought these cliches. She showed us this sister rivalry that was pretty much rooted in people's expectations and how society sees girls. I've always been annoyed with how girls can only be smart or can only be beautiful and there's never both of them. And if you're beautiful, then you're expected to have a boyfriend, if you don't, then there's something wrong with you. If you're smart, you're expected to focus on your studies and forget about the boys. So, society wants us to be one dimensional, pretty much. And Rachel Lynn Solomon slammed it all.


2. Sisters and a very complex take on their relationship

Tovah and Adina don't have a good relationship at the beginning of this book, they are arguing all the time, they don't spend time together and so on. The thing is they have very valid reasons and it's not that simple. You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is, in my opinion, a love letter to sisters, in the end, you realize how beautiful and touching it is to have a sister, how that bond is beyond everything else. To me, as an only child, it really touched me and made me envious of everybody who has a sister.


3. Family over relationships, always

Solomon did a great job of focusing on family rather than on romantic relationships. I think you've seen pretty often on my blog commenting on how YA does pretty badly in incorporating family interactions in the stories a.k.a the missing parents. This one again destroyed everything you could expect from YA, it was mainly focused on family, relationships were there, but only to show us more facets of Adina and Tovah. It was amazing how every relationship from their family was explored by the end of the book, you get Adina and Tovah together, Adina and her mom, Tovah and her dad, Adina and her dad, Tovah and her mom. And they are all very unique. They feel so real because they are normal relationships. For example, Adina is very much connected with her mom, but she has a colder relationship with her dad, not because of issues, but because they don't connect as much. With Tovah, it's the other way around. And I think it's highly relatable because even in a family, we are all people and there are some persons with whom we can identify and get along with better than with others (even if they are our parents).


4. Incredible representation of Huntington's

As a psychology major, I'm highly interested in mentally ill people being represented in a good way. I'm fed up with books that demonize them, make them seem violent and aggressive and like they don't matter. I know better than that. We should all know better than that. Because we can do so much better for them by starting with trying to understand and be there, listen.

I got into this book not knowing much about Huntington's besides the fact that it is genetical. The premise of the book is that Adina and Tovah are going to take a DNA test to see whether they're going to have the disease like their mother or not. I think Solomon did such a great job at representing this illness as it is, not romanticized, not distorsioned in any way. It just felt very real to me and I understood many facets of it.

What I highly appreciated was the outcome of the DNA tests and how the sisters progressed from there. I don't want to say much because I want you to find out for yourself. But at some point, I was very worried about one character's potential decision. It's a very difficult matter and I don't think there's a white or a black in here, it's about decision and perspective. But the author managed to show that there are choices and I loved that, showing alternatives is amazing.


5. Religion being very important in this book

I think religion is becoming somewhat of a taboo for our society, I rarely ever see it talked about in books anymore and I dislike this trend because I feel like it's not that people aren't religious anymore, as much as they don't feel the subject will be interesting to people. And it's pretty wrong. It was so refreshing to see both perspectives in the book. The characters are Jewish, Tovah identifies with Judaism a lot, while Adina doesn't because for her there's impossible for God to exist and let her mother be as sick as she is. I think it was refreshing to see both of these perspectives in one book because it was impossible not to relate to any of them. And while I'm a religious person, Adina's thoughts were relatable, at times, as she does, I've always questions what's the reason for all the suffering. You know, it's highly relatable. And it's great, we should talk about these things instead of letting silence divide us.


6. Not very nice characters

This one is a favourite of mine. In my opinion, Adina was one of those characters that aren't nice (at all), but you can't help, but feel for them. I rooted for her all the time, even though I wasn't okay with her actions. You just realize that she's flawed and that's totally okay. Women don't have to always be agreeable, nice in order for us to like them. We all have different personalities and we should accept that in female characters as we do with male characters. Adina challenged everything, she liked to play games, she wanted to be liked and appreciated, she owned her body. I loved seeing such a confident character in a YA book.


7. Sex representation in YA

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. A million times thanks.

We have to understand that teenagers have sex. (WOW!) And they should be informed and those healthy representations of sex in YA are absolutely necessary if we want them to be informed.


8. Amazing plotlines

What I enjoyed the most was how Adina came to realize that her relationships weren't what she wanted. She realized that most of her past relationships had been about her body and not about who she was. And I loved how she came to this realization. Solomon presented us her relationship with Arjun and Tovah's relationship with Zack and they were contrasting each other. Tovah and Zack made Adina aware of some of the issues she had when it came to relationships and life, in general. I really loved it.

9. Making your dreams come true

Both of these characters are very dedicated to what they want and I loved how hard-working they both were. I loved how their objectives were very high and they wanted everything, at once. And I adored how the book showed us that sometimes you might not get what you want because it's not meant for you or because you're not prepared for it. It showed us that it's okay to take a break from something you've worked a lot on, to just wonder if it's what you want. It's okay to try to get to know yourself better, any time. It's never too late to understand who you are and what you want.


All in all, this book challenged a lot of cliches, a lot of unhealthy tropes, it is a dreamy book and it is an important book and I hope you all find yourself in it.

Also, I'm so happy for Rachel Lynn Solomon who got to write the book she probably always wanted to read.
"I wrote this book partially because the only Jewish stories I read growing up were Holocaust narratives. We cannot stop telling those stories, but they are not the only stories we as Jewish people have to tell."

(this line is from the acknowledgments and it stayed with me a lot.)

[Vicky Again · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oooooh this is a really good debut, you guys. I love all the themes about family, sisterhood, friendship, love as well as the darker things that are happening (TW) like depression and life-decisions.

Can we just take a moment and relish in the glory of this book? Because it's fantastic.

There are so many things I can rave about this book, and the best place to start is with the characters, who are the core of the story.

I loved reading about them, and although at times I wasn't too keen on them (I can hear the voice in my head scolding each of them to play nice), I still really enjoyed their story and their characters.

Despite them being twins, they're so different and there's this huge rift between them that might not be bridged. It's a very rocky road for both of them to reach a state of sisterhood where they're able to accept one another.

There's absolutely no way that I'll be able to write this review without spoiling who is diagnosed with Huntington's. But I'll try, for the sake of "spoiler free."

Adina and Tovah both have their own sets of problems and flaws. Each struggles with the idea of romance, especially with the weight of the results of their genetic test imposing on both of them.

I loved how unique yet similar the characters were--despite them having very different passions and outcomes, they each had the same primal feelings of things like jealousy and fear of the future and so much more.

They were vastly complex and with the addition of one of the twins' diagnosis, their bond grew even more tangled. I'm not going to go into the details of each twin's struggles because of the spoiler, but I think Solomon did a great job of shaping their characters into that complex, flawed person that you want to read about and never get bored of reading.

They each had their struggles, especially with more serious topics (trigger warning) like self-harm, depression, suicide, etc. Huntington's played a huge role in this story, not just with the twin bond, but also as it leads one of the characters to abnormal actions.

One has to suffer with the idea that she'll become like their mother and lose control over her body, while the other has to suffer with the survivor's guilt, creating a very interesting dynamic.

Adina and Tovah weren't so flawed that they became annoying or offensive and they weren't so perfect that they were a bore to read.

Their own friendship dynamics were reflected in the less-than-healthy or non-existent friendship dynamics the girls had outside each other, and that feeling of friendlessness is something I think a lot of readers besides myself can relate to.

I'd also like to point out how the romance was great! There are a lot of complications on Adina's end and I didn't ship her & her music teacher (kudos to Solomon for making the girls of age, though), but Tovah's romance was super cute but subtle and not the main focus of the story.

The pacing was fantastic and I absolutely zoomed through the book. The plot worked very well with the character growth. This isn't really a plot-based novel, but developments in the plot did a great job of intertwining with the girls' own stories and growths as characters.

The alternating points of view were really fun to read and I thoroughly enjoyed reading from both girls, sympathizing with both.

There were a few small, special things about this novel that I adored, and I thought this would be a great opportunity to shove in a list too!

1. I loved how there were body shapes represented that aren't normally shown in young adult literature. Both of the girls mentions their heavy busts and this is something I don't normally see in young adult novels. It's usually that "perfect breast that fits in the palm of the guy's hand," and seeing girls with D cups in this novel was a lovely surprised.

2. The importance of Judaism in this novel was something I loved seeing and I actually have a friend who talks a lot about the lack of Jewish representation in novels, and I immediately texted her to read this book after finding out about not only the main characters being Jewish, but the importance of the religion in widening the rift between the girls and how both practiced it differently.

3. I loved how Huntington's plays a huge role in this story and I've already mentioned this plot-wise, but I also love how it helps educate readers about this disease, which is so cool!

Overall, I absolutely adored Rachel Lynn Solomon's debut and would 100% recommend it to everyone to read (and so they'll fangirl with me about it).

[nick (the infinite limits of love) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! Just wow! Can I leave my review at that? Because honestly, I don’t feel like any review I write for You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is going to do the book any justice. It’s such a breath-taking story, and it’s one that made me feel all the emotions. This might only be Rachel Lynn Solomon’s debut, but judging from this piece of work, she’s here to slay.

This was such an emotional story, and not one that was easy to get through. I knew I had to mentally prepare myself for the waterworks that was obviously going to erupt as soon as I picked this book up, and I’m glad I did. This is a story of twin sisters, Adina and Tovah, who are about to take a test to determine if either carries the gene for Huntington’s disease. What ends up happening is, one sister tests positive, while the other tests negative. Talk about a heart-breaking premise. Both of these girls get their own POVs in the book, and they will both tug at your heartstrings. Rachel Lynn Solomon did a fantastic job at not only giving the two of them very differing personalities, but she made sure that both are given equal importance to the story. I found bits and pieces of myself in both of these girls so if you asked me to choose a favorite, I couldn’t.

Adina is the talented musician of the family. She’s got more of a free-spirit, she has a rebellious trait to her personality and is the more confident one of the two girls. She’s also the one who tests positive for Huntington’s. Tovah, on the other hand, is studious – she’s working hard to become a doctor -, is ambitious and is the opposite of rebellious. Both these girls were so incredibly complex, messy and sometimes outright unlikable, but for me, that’s what made them relateable characters. If you’re going to go into this book not expecting teenage melodramatics, and outcries, then this is not the book for you. I loved loved loved the exploration of the relationship between the siblings as well. The two of them used to have a good relationship, but over the years that has changed and it’s not pretty. Despite the arguments between the two, it’s obvious that there’s also underlying love beneath all that anger and resentment.

The girls’ relationship with their parents was another highlight of You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone. They both have different relationships with them, and I loved all the scenes portraying them. Their family life is tough with their mom’s Huntington’s, and the author doesn’t shy away from the hardships of having to watch their loved ones debilitate as the disease progresses. There was also great representation of teenagers practicing the Jewish faith here. Adina has a more difficult time with religion, while Tovah embraces it and finds comfort in it. It was lovely to be able to see both sides.

I’ve rambled enough about You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone. Please do yourself a favor and add this to your 2018 TBRs.

[Rachel007 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Edit: Dec 2 2016: This book just keeps getting better. OMG <3.


***
THIS IS MY CRIT PARTNER'S AMAZING DEBUT!!!!!!!!!

I have read many many drafts of this beautiful, important book. YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE is about two sisters, Adina (Adi) and Tovah (#TEAMTOVAH!!!), as they deal with their mother's Huntington's disease, college applications, romance/sex/love, being Jewish and what the heck that means (and if G-d even hears us when we're praying/upset/etc.), and what living - truly living - means. It is dual points of view, which means you get to hear from both Adi and Tovah, and their relationships - with each other, with their parents, with their friends, and boyfriends. It is a love letter to Seattle and sisters, something Rachel knows only too well :).

I'm so excited you all get to read it!

[Jen Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read an early draft of this beautiful, haunting book as a sensitivity reader.

As the member of a family battered by Huntington's Disease, I believe with all my heart that this is an important book that everyone should read. It's conversely beautiful and tragic, and not in the ways you might think. The author paints the nuances of this disease with a deft and empathetic hand. Devastating realities are balanced by the complicated (but redeeming) love of sisters.

The Jewish culture presented is lovely and natural, the ancillary characters are fully-realized and add depth and emotion, and the dual POV is superb. These sisters--Adina and Tovah--are so different and lovely in their own ways. The writing itself reminds me of Jandy Nelson's style. Without question, this is one of the best books I've ever read. I can't wait to have a hardcover copy in my hands.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fraternal twins await test results to see if either has inherited Huntington Disease from their mother, who is slowly losing her battle with the illness. Tovah plans for medical school while Adina, a viola prodigy, wants to study music. When one tests positive and the other negative, the rift between the sisters becomes a chasm.

I’ve known a few people with Huntington Disease which, in my opinion, is second to ALS in diseases I most fear. 100% of the people with the gene develop the illness and carriers are 50% likely to pass along the gene. No cure exists and treatment for the symptoms is minimal. When I interned at a state hospital, one of the patients was in the late stages of the illness, unable to be cared for at home and too violent for a nursing home. All of the patients with HD whom I encountered were in the late stages of the disease.

Rachel Lee Solomon’s stunning debut introduced me to the diagnosis and mid stages of HD. YOU’LL MISS ME WHEN I’M GONE is a special, special book. After reading the first two chapters, I aligned myself more with Tovah, the more studious, practical twin. I wanted Adina, both sympathetic and maddening, to be better. Once close, each sister envied the other more so after Adina’s jealousy led her to sabotage one of Tovah’s goals before high school.

While HD was an important component of the story, each sister had her own, independent journey as well as the complex relationship between the twins and their mother’s worsening condition. The beauty of Solomon’s prose and the various relationships between family members were the strongest components of the story. I already miss Tovah and (Adina to an extent) and would love for Solomon to pen a sequel.

YOU’LL MISS ME WHEN I’M GONE might not have the following it deserves. I hope I’m wrong.

[Ava · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm speechless. Preorder this beautiful, haunting book, please.

[Ta || bookishbluehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

While browsing a booklist for a challenge, I saw this cover and title and picked the book up on a whim. I’m normally not really into contemporary fiction, so I was a little worried that it wasn’t a good decision and I’d be digging myself a reading-slump hole. But ‘You’ll miss me when I’m gone’ surprised me in a really positive way.

I was super invested in the story and couldn’t but it down. I thought this book showed in a realistic and raw way how someone, especially a teen, handles terminal illness. It isn’t pretty or nice and sometimes I cried for them both. I know someone whose mother died of Huntington’s disease and who also inherited the sickness and it really hit hard to read about it and think about her, and how she must feel.

I enjoyed how religion was handled in this book. It’s a huge part in the life of one of the sisters, but I didn’t feel like this book wanted to push religion on its readers, like so many other books do. You just see someone practicing their believes and I thought that was great.

Personally, I also liked both sisters. Even if I don’t approve of some of their actions, I could see where both were coming from and why they did what they did, and some of it was horrible. But throughout the story there was a lot of character growth.

I honestly wasn’t expecting to like this book so much and would recommend reading it. I’ll probably have to now look into more contemporary/realistic fiction books, seems like I do enjoy them sometimes.

[Danielle (Life of a Literary Nerd) · Rating 4 out of 5]

“You can spend lifetimes searching tragedies for reasons why.”

This was such a great human story. Everything felt so real and earnest. We follow estranged twin sisters, Adina and Tovah, as their lives are changed after one of them tests positive for Huntington's Disease - the same disease that has caused their mom so much pain. Now each girl must reconcile their futures, their faith, and their relationships in the face of this new information.

I really liked that Adinah and Tocah were just so human. They got angry and had fights and messed up. They were not perfect people and I didn’t agree with everything they did, but I liked them because they were fallible. They had completely emotional responses to a life-changing situation and I really loved that. I liked that we got to see a practicing Jewish family, and we got to see what their faith meant to each girl. Faith is such a personal things, and I liked seeing how each girl chose to interact with it.

This was such an enjoyable emotional read, and I loved the realness of it. I’m a such for twin stories, so that’s what drew me in, but You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a beautifully compelling story of forgiveness, family, and looking to your future - even when it’s irrecoverably changed.

Trigger warnings for self harm and suicide idealization.

I received a copy of the book from Simon Pulse via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.

[Shealea · Rating 5 out of 5]

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a heartbreaking, poignantly written tale that touches familial relationships, Jewish culture and religious practices, and the exhilarating thrill of first loves, while simultaneously addressing physical illnesses and mental health. It should be noted, however, that the novel also contains heavy content such as self-harm and suicidal ideation. A trigger warning has been provided by the author herself.

I picked up You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone as my first read of 2018, and I am infinitely glad that I did because – no exaggeration involved – this book ripped me apart, destroyed the most fragile parts of my soul, and then proceeded to piece me back together into a hot mess that’s emotionally stronger and ready to charge into unknown waters.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone was largely driven by its characters rather than its plot, and the way it was executed was superb. The author really took her time in establishing and shaping the leading characters, supporting cast, and their relationships with each other, which consequently allowed me to invest in all of them. This deliberately careful approach also resulted in a lot of interesting and engaging relationship dynamics among family members, among friends, between siblings, and between romantic partners – all of which I completely loved reading about.

Disclaimer: I received a review copy of You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone as part of my participation in a blog tour hosted by Fantastic Flying Book Club. This neither affects my opinion nor the content of my review. Many thanks to the publishers for the opportunity!

🌻🍃 More bookish content on Shut up, Shealea 🍃🌻
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[Darla · Rating 4 out of 5]

A big thank you to Simon Pulse and Edelweiss for a digital ARC of this debut novel about twins. Adina and Tovah are fraternal twins and their mother has Huntington's Disease. When the sisters turn eighteen, they are both tested to see if they carry the HD gene. The plot revolves around the two as they struggle with their relationship in light of their mother's disease, the results of the test, their Hebrew religiout beliefs, college plans, best friends, boyfriends, etc.

One thing this book did well was show what it is like to be a twin and how growing up can place a strain on your innate twinness. It is also enlightening to read about a family that is so engaged in the Hebrew culture without the Holocaust being front and center. Recommended!

[Tova · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't have the words or the time to describe how I feel. RTC


So ... for some reason, I have the overwhelming urge to read this book. I can't wait to meet Tovah, and Adina and Arjun, and see all the Seattle things, and have my heart broken. But like there is a conversation in the first chapter that I have legit had with my best friend while walking around in Capitol Hill.

[Lynsie · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I am going to have any peace, I need my family to be whole. I am a sister learning to forgive, to forget.

Who's ready for a rant fest???

You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is about two sisters whose mom has Huntington's disease, a dominantly genetic disorder that has a 50% chance of being passed onto them. After getting tested for the disease, Adina and Tovah find out that one of them is positive and one of them is negative for the disease. The girls have never been particularly close, but now one of them will need the support of the other, and it's supposed to bring them closer than they've ever been. Okay, so that's the given description. Now let's talk about what actually happened.

This book was infuriating. For one thing, I couldn't tell if this was intentional or not, but the protagonists are both insufferable. Adina is clearly much worse than Tovah, but there were lots of moments that I was just shocked at their horribleness, both of them. This is a great book for you if you like main characters who:
- Can't take no for an answer, both relating to sexual advances (Adina) and presumptuousness of their own greatness (Tovah)
- Shame little kids for their genuine interests by telling them they'd make them "ordinary" (Adina)
- Vocalize their envy people of with cancer, because "cancer can be cured" while HD is incurable (Tovah)
- Relish in their friend's misfortunes because it feeds their possessiveness, and then claim that that same friend was "a shitty friend" the whole year (Tovah)
- Use sexual manipulation to feel powerful over others (Adina)
- Make petty, low-blow threats because they don't get their way (God forbid, someone told them NO.) (Adina)
- Wallow in melodrama. Ex.: "A broken instrument for a broken girl." (Adina)
- LITERALLY ARE CREEPY OBSESSIVE STALKERS OF SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPRESSIVELY SHOWN DISINTEREST and then get mad when they find out "he was only screwing me out of pity" (Adina)
- Use someone's empathy/sympathy to get attention and affection (Adina)
- Are completely delusional about romantic endeavors - like expecting someone to cuddle up next to you after you have completely violated the bounds of acceptable human behavior, AND THEN invited yourself to stay over (Adina)
- Do terrible, petty things to their sister because ???????? (Adina)
- Assume that their boyfriend (who is a virgin) "doesn't want me" because he wants to take it slow, and then get pissy and not talk to him for weeks (Tovah)
- Get over all of the aforementioned character flaws and become the perfect character within like, two weeks

Those are a few of the incredibly irritating things you will have to pull yourself through while reading this book. Maybe it was intentional, but it did not work for me at all. If you can't tell, I really hate the romanticization of Adina sexually harassing Arjun. I just kept thinking that if these roles were reversed, people would be so much more mad about this book. It's like sexual harassment doesn't exist when it's a woman making the unwanted advances. My mind was just screaming NOOOOOOO at all of Adina's delusions and pressuring and incessant stupidity.

I want to talk a little more about Adina's scheme also. This just didn't make sense to me. She's mad at Tovah, for I guess not inheriting the same death gene that she did. Which honestly, I can understand the resentment there. So Adina decides she wants to get revenge on Tovah by making her life actual hell. As in, destroying her most cherished items, rubbing her failures in her face, bragging about her relationship with their mom who Tovah isn't as close with. This alone is a little too far for getting revenge about something that can't be controlled. But then Adina is justifying it by saying that if Tovah hates her it will be a good thing because she won't be so devastated when Adina dies??? Like, is she doing this whole revenge thing for revenge or for mercy on her sister? It's never clearly explained, but Adina sure does keep at it.

Another thing I didn't appreciate was the resolution of Adina and Tovah's relationship. It was shoved into one conversation at the end of the book. Overall, the book is 50% the girls dealing with things unrelated to their sisterly relationship (boys, friends, colleges, school, more boys), 45% of them being horrible to each other, 4% talking about HD, and 1% of the girls actually being civil. I thought this book was supposed to be about how HD, and the knowledge that one of them would eventually have it, brought two sisters, who weren't close, together? This is a TRAIN WRECK. The relationship is hardly resolved at all. But don't worry, we get to see them resolve their relationships with their boyfriends, parents, and anyone else in the story. I just wasn't satisfied with the ending. I have sisters, and the way that everything just turned out okay, after they were SO HORRIBLE to each other, did not check out. On that same note, Adina's major character flaws (previously mentioned) are magically resolved as well. Adina realizes how horrible and inappropriate her behavior with Arjun was and suddenly she's a new person who wants to find someone who loves her for her and not for her body and... yeah this ending and Adina in general are just awful awful awful.

I give this book two stars because I did still keep reading. I was so irritated that I wasn't ever really bored so I guess that's something. I also appreciate the diversity, even if it was a little bit overexplained in the beginning. We don't see a lot of traditional Jewish main characters so it was cool to have two, especially because their approaches to their religion were so different.

[Monet Daffodil · Rating 4 out of 5]

⅘ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone
Author: Rachel Lynn Solomon

I was not ready for this emotional rollercoaster. The other books I’ve read by Rachel Lynn Solomon were much lighter and funnier, so I was completely unprepared for the brick wall of emotions I ran into with this one. This story centers around twin sisters who basically despise each other. Their mother has Huntington’s disease, and they’re forced to watch her slowly deteriorate as the years pass. When they decide to get tested for the gene, the results drive a wedge even deeper between them. One tests positive and the other doesn’t. The two girls couldn’t be more different; one is an aspiring artist, and the other dreams of becoming a surgeon. Both of their storylines are incredibly compelling. I loved watching their growth and how they each navigated the brutal realities life threw at them. This was a much darker read than I expected (since I always go in blind), but it was powerful and deeply moving. I definitely recommend it.

[ambsreads · Rating 3 out of 5]

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M I N I R E V I E W
You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone wasn’t a bad book at all, it just wasn’t the book for me. This book should receive every bit of praise it is receiving. It deserves it. Rachel Lynn Solomon writes a stunning debut novel that tackles many hard-hitting topics, like the fact sisters aren’t always close and the bond shared can easily be broken. As well as learning you have a gene that will slowly take away your ability for life.

My problems with You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone simply stem from the fact its a highly character driven novel. Adina and Tovah are fraternal twin sisters and this book follows their journey of one learning that they will develop Huntington’s disease, like their mother. The twins can’t be any more different and their lack of sister like relationship highlights this as we read this book which separates the two perspectives. Tovah has plans to become a surgeon and follows her Judaism belief strongly, whereas Adina wants to practice music and doesn’t as she rebels against all the rules.

I will say it was definitely interesting to get an insight on Judaism. I don’t know a lot about it as a religion and I didn’t realise it was so heavily practised in day to day life. Highly ignorant of me and I’m glad that this book was able to open my eyes on the topic.

I wish I could say more on the characters and what I thought of the plot of the book, but I simply struggled to get into the story and it impacted my entire view, unfortunately. I don’t want to this to keep anyone away from this book, which is why I’m writing this review. I definitely highly recommend this despite my thoughts!

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