How Not To Get Rich: The Financial Misadventures of Mark Twain

by Alan Pell Crawford

“Crawford captures the energy, humor, and wide-eyed hope of America’s first ‘angel investor’ with wit and verve . . . A book that is worthy of Twain himself” (Dan Lyons, New York Times–bestselling author of Disrupted).   A Wealth Management Best Business Book of 2017   Mark Twain’s lifetime spans America’s era of greatest economic growth. And Twain was an active, even giddy, participant in all the great booms and busts of his time, launching himself into one harebrained get-rich scheme after another. But far from striking it rich, the man who coined the term “Gilded Age” failed with comical regularity to join the ranks of plutocrats who made this period in America notorious for its wealth and excess.   Instead, Twain’s mining firm failed, despite striking real silver. He ended up somehow owing money over his seventy thousand acres of inherited land. And his plan to market the mysteriously energizing coca leaves from the Amazon fizzled when no ships would sail to South America. Undaunted, Twain poured his money into the latest newfangled inventions of his time, all of which failed miserably.   In Crawford’s hilarious telling, the familiar image of Twain takes on a new and surprising dimension. Twain’s story of financial optimism and perseverance is a kind of cracked-mirror history of American business itself—in its grandest cockeyed manifestations, its most comical lows, and its determined refusal to ever give up.   “Light and frothy, this humorous biography is a lively read.” —Kirkus Reviews

Genres: Biography, Finance, Audiobook, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Writing

245 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 17, 2017

About the author

Alan Pell Crawford is the author of "Unwise Passions: A True Story of a Remarkable Woman - and the First Great Scandal of Eighteenth Century America" and "Twilight at Monticello". His writings have appeared in "American History", "The Washington Post", and "The New York Times". He is a regualr book reviewer for "The Wall Street Journal". Crawford has had a residential fellowship at the International Center for Jefferson Studies at Monticello. A former resident of Washington, DC, he lives in Richmond, Virginia, with his wife Sally Curran, the editor of My VMFA, the quarterly magazine of the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. They are the parents of two sons, Ned and Tim.

Reviews

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. Mark Twain was one of the worst business minds ever, allowing millions of dollars to drain from his fingers in pursuit of get-rich-quick investment schemes. He invested in one hair-brained enterprise after another, from coca leaves, to board games, to diet supplements, to a disastrously expensive venture to produce a type compositor that was outdated before it was even finished. He blew his wife's sizeable inheritance while he was at it. In addition to making bad investments, he also failed to make good ones, such as refusing to invest in Alexander Graham Bell's telephone. He and his wife spent money extravagantly. He was ever the optimist about getting rich next month, despite years of experience showing he had zero business acumen. The only thing that kept him from dying in poverty was the advice, loans, and money management provided to him in his waning years by a robber baron. He did die wealthy from book royalties and personal "branding" (he practically invented it) even though he never intended to be a writer. He wrote just to make the funds he needed for speculating on inventions. I'm sure he's a case study in business schools for what NOT to do.

[SundayAtDusk · Rating 4 out of 5]

How Not To Get Rich reminded me how little I knew about Mark Twain’s life and writings. It has been decades since I have read anything by him or about him. Thus, when I saw the cover and title of the book I immediately thought obviously a man’s whose first love was writing should not have been so involved in business. Writing was his forte, not making money. Well, that turned out to be partially true and partially false. According to author Alan Pell Crawford, making money was Mark Twain’s biggest passion and obsession, not writing.

Mr. Twain was apparently foremost a businessman, inventor, investor and wild dreamer of get-rich-quick schemes. Only, many of those schemes were anything but quick and led to anything but riches. The main way Mr. Twain got his money was marrying rich. Nevertheless, he did indeed make a lot money as a businessman and as a writer. But many of those writings appeared to come into existence only because Mark Twain needed money. Writing was not what made him happiest.

Money and living the wealthy life was what he most wanted and made him most happy. Personally, I found just the thought of that amusing, considering how we tend to view and stereotype famous writers. I also found many of the stories in this book amusing; although at times it was hard not to want to throttle Mark Twain for his blind ideas that something was going to make him fabulously wealthy; when it became quite obvious it was going to do just the opposite. It was hard not to wonder, if maybe deep down inside he felt like he would be betraying his father by becoming financially successful, or betraying the Twain family heritage.

(Note: I received a free ARC of this book from Amazon Vine.)

[Kirby Ewald · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was disappointing. Firstly, the author decided to write about Twain's financial mishaps chronologically, without any real indication of when you were reading about something greatly important to his life and development or if this page of the book was just a summary of something that had pretty much no importance to anything. Chronological could have worked, but with his writing style it didn't. It just felt like a never-ending chapter after chapter of the same things happening. After reading this, except one or two inventions, I really couldn't tell you what the biggest financial decisions of Twain's life were, what were his biggest failures and successes, and how he was (financially) for most of his life. The information is there. It's just not organized in a useful manner that easy to digest and remember.

It also felt uneven. The chapter titles were useless for navigating. There are moments where you read a few paragraphs about a "character" only to find them never to be mentioned again for one reason or another.

Then, the author quotes/takes facts from multiple ".com" sites which really threw off my confidence in the research. I'm sure it probably is researched well, but...now I feel like I need to check.

[Jay French · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had previously read the mega-sized three volume Mark Twain complete autobiography that was released in the last decade or so. I found that many of the subjects of Twain’s attempts to become rich, investing in inventions, mining for silver, giving speeches, etc. were well covered in those books, so I knew what to expect here. The author, I thought, told the story of Twain’s money-making schemes with the correct amount of Twain-like humor mixed in, often Twain’s own quotes sharing how foolish he was about investing and earning. Twain had his moneymaking successes, like touring to give speeches, and publishing US Grant’s autobiography, and these are also well covered. I listened to the audiobook version, and the narrator had a voice that sounded like the Twain of movies, so that added to the appeal. Overall, I found it interesting to read about one person extremely capable in writing really mucking it up on his investments, yet maintaining a sense of humor throughout.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

good reminder that one can excel at something [writing] and be awful at something else [investing, money management] even if both seem to rely on intelligence/book smarts.

I appreciated the anecdote that Twain "worked in a bookstore, but that didn't work out either because 'customers bothered me so much I could not read with any comfort'" (p. 8).

same BS, different day, Mark! Customer interruptions were one of the major problems I had with my job at Baskin-Robbins BITD.

With occasional exceptions like that, though, I didn't really find this engaging or, as the book jacket promised "hilarious". had a hard time getting into it.

[Elton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, easy read on Mark Twain's financial mishaps

The author is up-front that this is a very focused book. It is not a biography of Twain, merely a retelling of his comically poor business decisions. There's a layer of humor we feel today knowing his legendary writing, acerbic wit, and the robber barons of the Gilded Age - a term he coined. There's also some good rhyming with business tales of today: bad hires, fraud, angry creditors, business deals gone bad, etc.

You'll read it in a few hours. It's a fun romp.

[Heidi Ha · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun book! The quotes and correspondence by Mark Twain sprinkled throughout reminds me of just how funny this many truly was (and still is). I love his wry wit. A fascinating glimpse into how business and entrepreneurship work in the late 1800s. A bit of a sad and cautionary tale too. The book doesn't touch too deeply on Twain's private or family life, but the author kept things interesting throughout the entire book. A quick read, well worth the time.

[Conner · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great quick read for anyone interested in learning about Mark Twain, one of the most prolific authors in history. Alan Pell Crawford provides a well-researched and informative account of Twain and his spending habits. I would describe the book as a financial timeline of Mark Twain beginning with his early days as a steamboat captain, to his rise in literature, and his various investment endeavors that he pursued throughout his life.

[Victoria Peipert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating! Very easy and enjoyable read. This book explored a side of Mark Twain that isn't always presented and I think the author did a great job of weaving a story between his financial ups and downs into something that was engaging and enlightening.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark Twain a true Maverick. A pioneer.

Nuggets of Truth:
I could persuade a fish to come out and take a walk with me.
It is much easier to stay out of trouble then to get out.
He's a devil to do buisness with but you can't help but love the man.

[Andrea Patrick · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid audiobook for car listening. The reader has a strange tone, though, like he's being sarcastic, but through the whole book. It was too much for me through earbuds, but through the car speakers, it was fine. Made me want to read more Mark Twain, but probably not his fiction.

[Ian · Rating 2 out of 5]

Started well... got boring fast. Regret breaking my "Nothing below a 4" rule. It's a rule for a reason.

[Wanita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun look at Mark Twains life

[Edward ott · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can't go wrong when writing aboutTwain.

[Anne Louise Merrill · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author's offensive classism made me quit after a few minutes.

[Beverly Hollandbeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love anything about or by Mark Twain, so of course I enjoyed this. Turns out Twain made only two good financial decisions in his life - to marry Livy Webster and to publish Grant's autobiography. It's ironic that Twain wrote so many stories about gullible people and was one of the most gullible around.

[Lb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read again 6/25/23 - 7/1/24

[Annie]

Amusing light read!