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442 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 18, 2016
Animated by a fragile grace, his fingers race along the buttons like the tremulous legs of a moth, the death’s-head hawkmoths that eclose from chrysalides in the potato fields. Then he gets up, comes to the table and when the genetrix in turn sits down, raised his joined hands to his face, his proximal phalanges interlaced ….
Tegenaria spiders have woven and rewoven dense funnel webs, frozen by the sediment of time, swollen and made heavy as oriental hangings by dirt, sawdust, the husks of insects and the translucent chitin moulded by distant generations of arachnids.
Serge sits back in his chair, steepling his fingers in front of his face.
.. spiders in shadowy haylofts that weave webs .. that .. are still there a year, a decade, even a century later, the web a little dustier, a little thicker, a little more forbidding
Since birth they have watched killings. They have watched their fathers and mothers take the lives of animals. They learned the gestures and copied them. They in turn have killed hares, cocks, cattle, piglets, pigeons. They have shed blood and sometimes drunk it. They know the smell, the taste. But a Boche? How do you kill as Boche. Surely this would make them murderers, even if this is a war?
This coldness, this hard-won indifference to the animals has never quite managed to stifle in Joel a confused loathing that cannot be put into words, the impression – and, as he grew, the conviction – that there is a glitch – one in which pig rearing is at the heart of some much greater disturbance beyond his comprehension, like some machine that it unpredictable, out of kilter, by its nature uncontrollable, whose misaligned cogs are crushing them, spilling out into their lives, beyond their borders, the piggery as the cradle of their barbarism and that of the whole world.
No-one here will get through life without losing a limb, an eye, a child or a spouse, a piece of flesh, and Éléonore feels the thick, calloused skin of her knees, her elbows, brushing against the fabric of her dress, of her blouse. Even the children seem only to remain children for the blink of an eye. They come into the world like livestock, scrabble in the dust in search of meagre sustenance, and die in miserable solitude. They dance to the sound of a squeaky fiddle to forget that they were dead before they were born, and the alcohol, the music and the sarabande lulls them into a gentle trance, the impression of life.
We need to scrabble in the mud of memory, the silt of this family tree, to drag into the light of day the roots I’m telling you about, roots as difficult to rip out as broom — and what does it matter now whether the blame lies with me or with others who came before us? I am the one who is here now today prepared to explain, to answer for our actions. Not that I am expecting absolution, not that I expect your forgiveness or even your compassions, but simply because it is the least I can do: to try, always assuming it is possible, to piece together the story, our story, and therefore yours, for you, who has not asked anything and yet whose life and whose actions are guided by some invisible hand — why not call it fate, since everything had been decided for you — to try to reconstruct that collective memory, instilled in each of us and yet elusive and illusory.
This coldness, this hard-won indifference to the animals, has never quite managed to stifle in Joël a confused loathing that cannot be put into words, the impression — and, as he grew, the conviction — that there is a glitch: one in which pig rearing is at the heart of some much greater disturbance beyond his comprehension, like some machine that is unpredictable, out of kilter, by its nature uncontrollable, whose misaligned cogs are crushing them, spilling out into their lives, beyond their borders; the piggery as the cradle of their barbarism and that of the whole world.