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Audible Audio
First published May 10, 2016
"I’m the guy who wakes up in the hospital to find out his arm has been amputated and says, Fuck me."
THINGS YOU CAN’T DO WITH ONE ARM
Clap
Floss
Juggle
Climb a ladder
Button a shirt
Tie shoelaces
Wear mittens
Open a jar
Shuck corn
Butter toast
Toss a salad
Cut a steak
Rope cattle
Count money
Fold laundry
Put a shirt on a hanger
Bench press
Drive a stick
Pet two dogs
Cover your ears
Use a bow and arrow
Monkey bars!
Push a wheelbarrow
Pump a fireplace bellows
Build a snow fort
Make meatballs
Open one of those grocery produce bags
Scratch that spot right in the wrong side of the middle of your back
Play an instrument