Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

by Dana Morningstar

Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change—no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or twenty second) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start. This book covers the most common words, definitions, concepts, and questions surrounding narcissism, and narcissistic abuse, such Flying monkeys Hoovering Narcissistic abuse Love bombing Trauma bonding, C-PTSD Scapegoat Reactive abuse …and dozens more. - The cycle of narcissistic abuse (and what it really looks like in motion). - The different ways that narcissists and other types of manipulators go about exploiting your vulnerabilities. - How to create a safety plan if you are trying to leave. - A section for friends, family, and mental health professionals who are trying to better understand what's going on and how to help. - Frequently asked questions about narcissists, such What is the difference between a selfish jerk and a narcissist? How do I know for sure if they are a narcissist? Can a narcissist change? Why do I miss them? How can I stop attracting narcissists? How do I handle all this intense anger I have towards them? And much, much more.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Abuse, Adult

352 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 21, 2017

Reviews

[Chelsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this well over two years ago, and I finally feel that I have the wherewithal to put together a few words about it. This book actually changed my life, and that is not hyperbole. I did not fully understand what emotional, sexual, financial, and psychological abuse looked like even though I had unknowingly spent years in an abusive relationship until I was unexpectedly discarded and left trying to put the pieces together. Despite all the red flags I had ignored and glossed over for years, it was when I read this book that I finally understood and accepted what I was dealing with, and I am so thankful I found it when I did—not a minute too soon. It was like walking out of the fog into clear daylight, and I could finally put a name on what had happened to me and (at least on a cerebral level) understand how someone could behave the way the person I was dealing with was behaving. I don’t know where I would be now if I hadn’t learned about cluster B personality disorders and how to set boundaries with manipulative people. The information and resources along with the sheer relatability of the anecdotes found within this book were incredibly helpful to my education and healing process. I’m forever thankful for this book and for all Dana does to educate survivors of narcissistic abuse!

[Shawn Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read. No psycobabble. Great tips and resources for recover techniques. So many of her points hit the nail on the head. It was validating to read examples of the very experiences that I had been through and to discover that these events were not isolated but part of the pattern of abuse I had been making excuses for for decades.

Recommend for anyone who is or knows someone dealing with the legacy of covert abuse. And the best revenge really is a good life. “Don’t let the bastards keep you down.”

[Leo Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent primer on all things related to narcissistic abuse.

Luckily my only interest in this material is for a story, but I reckon this is a very useful book if you have some personal experience with these types.

All resources from Dana/ her ThriveAfterAbuse.com site, podcast, YouTube videos and blog posts are very illuminating. And it's empowering just to see what someone can do to turn around their misfortune. 5* work!!!

[epiphany]

"your life is not a democracy and other people don't get to vote on what you do and dont want in your life" 🤌

[Chad Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is to the point; helping to frame and describe past life experiences. It also provides some actionable advice for both people who have suffered from narcissistic abuse or know someone who has.

I think the most important take away from me is to accept the inability to get closure.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the best book on understanding Narcissist Abuse I've read thus far. The examples provided were so relatable to my personal experience.

I definitely recommend reading this one after the book, Why Does He Do That - if you fear you are dealing with a narcissist. It will help you understand abuse reality with a higher level of clarity.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book written by a professional psychotherapist. No coach like motivational speech.

[Alê Genó · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. I didn't find it boring at all and could relate to it a lot. It's incredible how narcissist are very similar and what you think was rare has happened to lots of people and you aren't alone in this world.
The only thing I didn't like is I didn't read this sooner before leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist, this would have been easier if I'd planned ahead.
If you think you may be in a relationship with a narcisist don't hesitate to pick this up, it will give you the clarity you need and help you find a way to recover yourself from it

[Bambi Unbridled · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Informative

This book was recommended me during a split with a covert/altruistic narcissist, and it went a long way toward educating me about the abusive nature of these relationships. I know there is a long road ahead, but I am glad I have this foundation now to move forward.

[Jordan Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would recommend for anyone who had ever been in any sort of narcissistic relationship - parent, partner, friend. I think it really makes that relationship make sense so you stop blaming yourself.

[Viktor Nilsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book is very clarifying. If you have dealt with narcissistic people it will also be very emotional. And if you have, you will undoubtedly wish you had read something like this before. That's inevitable- if you had, you would have known from the start what's going on:
- Not all people have honest intentions.
- Some people feign emotions to get what they want.
- Some people use your emotions to get what they want.
- There are countless ways to manipulate you and some people have no remorse about doing that.
- Some people feel justified in doing anything to get what they want.
- Some people are not looking for a solution or a cure.
And you would have known what to do:
- Know what your boundaries are.
- Be clear about your boundaries.
- Stand up for your boundaries and demand that people respect them.
And what do do when your boundaries are not being respected:
- Don't explain yourself.
- Don't share your hurt.
- Don't try to change yourself.
- Don't try to change the other.
- Don't try to help the other.
- Don't try to get closure.
- Just walk away.
And if you knew this, you wouldn't have stayed in a bad relationship, and you wouldn't have been where you are today.
Today is a new day.
Show yourself that your boundaries are to be taken seriously.

[Jasmin Chrzan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a therapist who didn't know I was experiencing narcissistic abuse until I was 30 years old. I was very ashamed when it finally clicked as I had been practicing for six years already. That's how covert this kind of abuse can be.

I figured it out watching a YouTube @LiveAbuseFree and subsequently began looking for more information. This book I found on Amazon (Dana Morningstar specializes in EMDR (special kind of trauma therapy)) and then I read it. I recommend it to clients frequently. I have two copies in my office: mine, because it's incredibly important to me, and then one to lend in case it never gets back. Which is okay.

I recommended this to a client who does art and they regularly paint the cover of this book because it was as powerful to them as it was to me.

Even if you haven't experienced narcissistic abuse, but have other kinds, this book will still apply at parts. It's clear and easy to read; it gives case examples to illustrate; it provides validation.

This is an incredibly powerful read and if you read it for the reasons I did, please practice self care and bring tissues. Everything you felt and experienced was real.

[Juliet P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never written a review for a book but I needed to say something about this one. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, this book will help you tremendously. I started reading “Start Here” last year at the worst point in my abusive relationship. It’s been almost a year, just finished it yesterday and I am no longer in that relationship and I think this book has a lot to do with that. I’m not exaggerating when I say this, this book saved my life. Before reading “Start Here”, I didn’t know what was happening to me or what gaslighting was. It changed my life and has taught me so much about narcissists and the cycle of abuse. I don’t blame myself anymore, I don’t sit there and ruminate about what happened to me anymore, I now know how to set boundaries and trust myself and my intuition. I cycle through self-help books and don’t really resonate or connect with many of them but I can’t be more grateful that I stumbled upon this book.
Thank you so much Dana.

[C Boe · Rating 4 out of 5]

The content of the book is excellent, and I think it would be incredibly helpful for someone recently discovering this topic. My main concern about this book is the cosmetics and visual presentation of the text. I found it quite difficult to get past this at first, but decided to push through it as really appreciate Dana Morningstar’s perspective. From what I understand she is reediting the book, and I hope these issues will be sorted out.

[Ntombezinhle Nzama · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first got to know of Dana through her YouTube channel. I had been searching for answers of what I had just gone through and happened to come across her page. This was the first time I heard about the terms "narcissist" and "narcissistic abuse". And for the first time someone could explain what had happened to me and how I was feeling. This book is like the crashcourse with all you need to know and a starting point to the healing journey. This book is helpful

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are curious, helping someone going through this, or are going through this yourself, this book is the perfect place to start. The terms commonly used are explained. What this type of abuse is and does to you is thoughtfully and compassionately explored. I highly recommend her books. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.

[Lisa Fultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read for People Pleasers

Even if you feel you have not been abused by narcissists, this book is very enlightening if you are a people pleaser and find yourself getting taken advantage of.

[Candace · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you think you are in/were in an abusive relationship -- START HERE! this is a valuable resource to move foward. The numerous examples are helpful to identify manipulations in various relationships.

[Sarah Susannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me with my own feelings and emotions, recommend for those who have endured any form of abuse of some nature either it be from a partner, family member, friend etc. Helped me in creating boundaries to protect myself in the future.

[Zjourney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! Can I give it more stars?? It explains *so* much that I couldn't seem to figure out or find words for. It is extremely validating. It started out hard - with a lot of tears. It ended with calm - & hope.

[Autumn Stars · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book. Breaks everything down so it is easy to understand.

[Jeni Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for anyone who has spent time in this type of relationship.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read!

Insightful, I felt like I was reading my own life experiences!!! I can't wait to read more of her work and join her online support group!

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Usefull

Practical guide to understanding many aspects of covert narcissism. Easly to go through it.
Highly recommended book. Thank you Dana.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very intense read. I could only read a few pages a day. And then think about what I read. A must read if you have a narcissistic in your life.

[Adrian Kashporenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book. So eye opening, healing and equipping. I found myself shuddering with the parallels in stories I've gathered having encountered toxic people over the years.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

The more of these I read, the more I suspect the entire world has ‘fleas’.

[Damla Kuduoglu · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is very helpful to understand abusive behaviours and recognising people with narcissistic traits. It has also very useful tips on how to move and never look back.

[Jitter · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much insight as to why I react and do the things I do after over 20 years of mental abuse. This book has been a eye opener, things I didn't "see" before now make better sense.

[Aria]

Heavily in need of editing. Was otherwise a very good primer for just about everyone. The title is apt.