Raised by Unicorns: Stories from Children with LGBTQ+ Parents

by Frank Lowe (Editor)

Now that we live in a world that is more accepting than ever of “nontraditional” families, it’s time to create a literary space for this not-so-unique, shared but-completely-individual experience.

In Raised by Unicorns: Stories from Children with LGBTQ+ Parents, Frank Lowe has carefully edited an anthology that reflects on the upbringing of children in all kinds of LGBTQ+ families. Rather than presenting a single account, it features many different stories to express the uniqueness of each family and of this shared experience. It’s visceral and raw, not always pretty, and not always glamorous, but love is always the common thread.

Ultimately, Lowe portrays a true representation of this particular niche of the human experience―a snapshot of the time we are living in now. Raised by Unicorns guides the reader through an empathetic journey and is nothing short of compelling and poignant. We’ve all heard the phrase “raised by wolves”; now we have a window into the world of being “raised by unicorns.”

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Parenting, Queer, Memoir, Gender and Sexuality, Anthologies

198 pages, Paperback

First published June 12, 2018

About the author

Frank Lowe is a gay, divorced (but not single!) 42-year-old dad. He is best known for his acerbic handle on Twitter and Instagram (@GayAtHomeDad), and has worked for publications such as The Advocate, HuffPost, and Gays with Kids.

As a result, he has been interviewed by CNN, CBS, OUT, Ozy, HuffPost, The Elvis Duran Morning Show, and The Today Show, to name a few. He currently lives in Kansas City, MO with his partner and precocious 9-year-old son. His first book, “Raised by Unicorns” is now available everywhere and has already become a #1 Amazon New Release in various categories.

June 1st, 2019 marks the release of his highly-anticipated first children's book with famous illustrator Josh Hara, titled "Some People Do." It explains every aspect of diversity in a fun, rhyming way - sure to become an instant classic and tool for parents.

On June 1st, 2020, his autobiography "Memoirs of a Gay Man" will be released - and it is a hurricane of life experiences compiled into one book.

Frank's ultimate goal is to bring attention to the world of gay parenting, and to remove the word “gay,” as it’s all parenting.

Reviews

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not one yet, but sometime within the next year or more I could very well be a Queer Dad. This identity is actually one that I'm looking forward to because I suspect it will make me one of the "cool parents," but as this book clearly demonstrates, just because someone is gay doesn't make them cooler or lamer than anyone else. It just makes them a parent.

This collection of stories by children of LGBTQ+ parents a wonderful new addition to the collection of queer discourse because it further validates the community as a collection of people who possess an enormous capacity to love. The charge against LGBTQ+ people is that they are too hedonistic, or that they lack the moral fortitude to be parents, but as this book demonstrates there are a wide variety of personality types within the queer community, and a great many of them manage to create loving homes for children. This book then is timely as it is relevant because the topic of Queer families is one that is particularly contentious, and these narrators and voices offer up their lives as proof that the queer population is not defined solely by their sexual expression, but also by their ability to love and raise well rounded children.

The stories in this book are not always happy, and in fact some of them are heartbreaking as abuse from others, and internalized shame is a common theme, but what unites every narrator of this book is their conviction that they came from a strong home, one that taught them how to be themselves and encouraged this in their developed personalities.

I'm going to be a queer dad one day, and hopefully if I've done my job right, my kids won't even clarify it that way. they'll just call me dad.

[Joyfully Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Joyfully Jay review.

4 stars

Raised by Unicorns is a collection of essays written by people who were raised in LGBTQ+ families. There are fourteen essays altogether; the youngest contributor is 15 years old and the oldest is 47. One theme stood out particularly strongly to me, the reader, regarding the various experiences of this mix of teenagers, young adults, and middle aged people: there is, with rare exception, some element of shame associated with falling outside the so-called traditional family. Sometimes, that shame is overtly communicated by snide comments or exclusion from and by one’s peers. Other times, it is self-inflicted.

Read Camille’s review in its entirety here.

[Fay Van Kerckvoorde · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not blaming the individual writters, but the contributers are overwhelmly cis-gender, middle class, white people. The intersections between sexual orientation and gender identity with class, race, abelism aren't addressed properly. Although many of the contributers say 'growing in an LGBTQ+ family makes them open-minded', the myth that being queer gives you a free pass not being a racist/color blind continues. It's a shame this book didn't represent a more diverse crowd.

To leave on a positive note: great to read stories about being raised by (an) LGBTQ+ parent(s), because representation matters.
Especially the essay written by Jenny Gangloff Rain 'I am not an ally' is thought provoking.

[Holly GoLightly · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who enjoys slice-of-life stories, I was very interested in reading Raised By Unicorns. Being completely ignorant of what children of LGBTQ+ parents might go through, I found Unicorns to be much more different than I anticipated--it wasn't all rainbows and glitter (though there were a fair amount of rainbows). More importantly, I didn't expect how much I would relate to these stories. Anyone who's ever had a family secret can identify with the authors, whether it be an alternative lifestyle, religion, incarcerated parent, addiction, teen pregnancy, or some form of abuse. In fact, to quote The Woman Who Refuses To French Braid Her Hair, an account by Emily Grubbs:

"I want to prove that anyone can relate to my experiences. All people experience pain, rage, shame, and fear."

Frequently finding themselves straddling between the worlds of gay and straight, self-proclaimed "unicorn kids" are a unique group that hasn't had much representation previously. Forced to grow up too quick, unicorn kids speedily identify their own views on sexuality, gender, and love to serve as a champion for their LGBTQ+ loved ones to curious and judgemental outsiders. The reoccurring themes of trauma and shame felt by the authors may be surprising to readers--as it should be. If these feelings were not inflicted upon them by those with puritanical morals, the unicorn kids would have a normal childhood. Raised by Unicorns may prove eye-opening to those with a conservative background or studying sociology.

I feel Raised By Unicorns is informative for those of LGBTQ+ orientation, sharing their history and bridging gaps between various sectors. Raised By Unicorns provides perspective for new members of the community on how children fit in, showing that the children have suffered the same stigma as their parents. Covering stories pre- and post- Marriage Equality, Unicorns may also help connect the younger and older generations. For LGBTQ+ couples who are thinking of adoption, or parents who came out later in life, Raised By Unicorns may reveal a glimpse as to what the children may go through and how others have handled the life change. Lastly, for current unicorn kids, Raised By Unicorns can provide solace, showing them they're not alone, and that it gets better. To these ends, the author, Frank Lowe, has wisely and helpfully included resources at the end of the book, including a personal favorite, It Gets Better.

I reviewed this book, which was provided for free by the publisher. However, I do not receive any compensation for reviews. All book reviews are my personal and subjective opinion.
For more book reviews and other content, follow me on my blog.

[Megan Fritz · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a wonderful experience to hear from the children of pioneering LGBTQ parents. These essays show us that yes, queer families are like any other family. They have their ups and downs, their mistakes and regrets but with the added stress of a society that doesn't always want to see them. The authors ranged in age from 15 through their late 40s, all genders and sexualities of their own. They talk about the ease and difficulty of figuring out their own identity, the bullying, the acceptance and dismissal from the gay community for the children of gay parents, and most of all, the love they have for their and from their parents. Their stories and memories are important for us, as now more than ever, LGBTQ adults have more options for having children. We can learn from these initial generations of how we, society, can do better to make sure the children of queer parents are being treated well and not shamed. I highly recommend this book for people that were raised in the gay community, to find camaraderie, to people that have always wondered if gays could adequately raise children, to allies, and to LGBTQ folks wondering if they should have children.

My only wish is that this book had been a little more equal in representation as the majority of the writers were raised by lesbians. I imagine that's probably because it was more likely in the past for women without a husband to have custody of a child than a man without a wife. Hopefully, in the future we will see more stories from children raised by gay men.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

a range of essays from people of various ages and experiences.

[Frank Lowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege to edit this fantastic anthology of stories. They range from younger to older, and every kind of experience that you may have growing up with LGBTQ+ parents. I was happy to be a part of this project and give these people the much-deserved voice they needed!

[S. Evan Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great insight into what it’s like growing up as part of a queer family and how in the end, it is the loving environment and community that really matters in any household. The quality did seem to vary some from essay to essay, and some of the stories did start to feel repetitive, but overall a very enjoyable read. It was interesting seeing the ages of the authors and how visibility and cultural acceptance really seems to have changed over the last few decades. Unfortunately, it is also a painful reminder of just how hard it can be to feel othered and different, especially during young adolescence when “fitting in” can feel like such an important priority.

[Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

The biggest takeaway from this book is that divorce/separation is what messes kids up and that can happen in any family unit regardless of sexuality. As a queer person with lesbian moms, I did see myself in this book and there were also some things I couldn't relate to; so it was definitely a good read for me to see that even though I have queer parents, my experience isn't the same as others with queer parents. Always a good reminder.

[Finnoula · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this because my friend Mary wrote an essay in it about her experience with her mother and her mother’s partner, I loved the stories. But the audiobook narration was not great! The guy had a problem pronouncing Connecticut, saying “CONNECT-I-CUT” and it was distracting how many things he mispronounced. If you need to, read the physical book to save yourself the energy! Narration was a 2/5 story was 5/5

[Mayze]

It’s hard to rate anthologies — I’m glad this book exists. I know very few children of queer couples, and it was eye opening to hear their stories (especially as a queer person). But the quality was all over the place, both in terms of writing ability and content. Also, a book that tries to get a range of voices represented but doesn’t engage in any serious way with the different ways race and class interact with a child’s family identity is failing to be representative.

[DeWayne Dorsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes you need to hear about people, from the actual people. Stories from the children of LGBT parents. What was it was like growing up in those households? What thoughts and emotions went through their minds and hearts? How do we all share similar emotions and thoughts , regardless of our family structure.

Very informative

[Maureen Kesterson-Yates · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

Eh. It’s okay. I only had a few stories left but I realized that I didn’t have to make myself finish it if I don’t like it. Definitely written for straight people to read about Queer families. As a queer in a queer family, it was extremely lackluster.

[Krystal Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! I don’t normally enjoy short stories, but I found this book hard to put down. For any LGBTQ + families or anyone wanting a peak into the LGBTQ + experiences from a child’s point of view this is a great read. Highly recommend.

[Kayla Koch · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book on Audible. The stories were 5 stars, but the narrator’s performance was 1 star. I found it difficult to listen to. I would have preferred different narrators for each story to make them more relatable. I’d recommend reading and not listening to this book.

[Princess Isabelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was repetitive but cathartic to read about how many people are releasing shame and successfully addressing their childhood trauma. Queer parenting itself is not extra harmful to children but messy divorces and hate crimes are.

[Glenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a unique book, and I am biased because my kids have an essay in it. It has insights into an important group within the American culture.

[Elissa Hamon · Rating 4 out of 5]

“You can’t know a man until you eat at his table.” ~Drew Holcomb
Read these stories and get to know these beautiful people.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

One positive here was the mix of ages of the writers, in terms of the years that they grew up. There was a mix of backgrounds and family dynamics over time as well.

[Oscar E · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars. I had for a long time being curious on what would adults formed by homoparental families. This will give you a good insight.

[Ankita G. · Rating 5 out of 5]

An anthology of real essays from people who grew up with LGBTQ+ parents, edited by Frank Lowe. It gives voice to experiences that are rarely highlighted in mainstream books.

[Omar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great Book, No Doubt; However...

I was disappointed in not seeing stories about gay men couples parenting. All the parents were a single female, female couple or a single divorced father; no male couples. Also, most stories were from daughters who are more mature, would have liked a better balance of sons and daughters.