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A Life Less Ordinary: A Memoir
Abandoned by her mother, beaten by her father, and hurriedly married off at twelve to an abusive man twice her age, Baby Halder's early life was marked by overwhelming challenges and heartbreak. Exhausted and desperate, the young mother finally fled with her three children in 1999 to Delhi, where she found work as a maid in some of the city's wealthiest homes.
Expected to serve her employers' every grueling demand, Halder faced a staggering workload that often left her no time to care for her own children.
The young woman's luck finally turned when she started working for Prabodh Kumar, a retired anthropology professor who noticed Halder's interest in his library. Kumar helped her to read his books and newspapers—which she devoured enthusiastically—then suggested that she write down her own life story. In A Life Less Ordinary, the fascinating result of her writing sessions with Kumar, Halder speaks for a multitude of Indian women, revealing a world of poverty and subjugation few outsiders have heard about. Halder writes simply and candidly of her life as a young girl, and later as a struggling mother.
Without a trace of melodrama or self-pity, she describes her experiences of growing up poor and neglected, struggling to manage children and a violent husband while she herself was only fourteen years old, and, finally, of escaping her past ultimately to triumph as a writer.
Already a huge success in India, where it has been published in Hindi, Bengali, and several other languages, A Life Less Ordinary is an astonishing story of strength, courage, and determination that continues to inspire readers everywhere.
Expected to serve her employers' every grueling demand, Halder faced a staggering workload that often left her no time to care for her own children.
The young woman's luck finally turned when she started working for Prabodh Kumar, a retired anthropology professor who noticed Halder's interest in his library. Kumar helped her to read his books and newspapers—which she devoured enthusiastically—then suggested that she write down her own life story. In A Life Less Ordinary, the fascinating result of her writing sessions with Kumar, Halder speaks for a multitude of Indian women, revealing a world of poverty and subjugation few outsiders have heard about. Halder writes simply and candidly of her life as a young girl, and later as a struggling mother.
Without a trace of melodrama or self-pity, she describes her experiences of growing up poor and neglected, struggling to manage children and a violent husband while she herself was only fourteen years old, and, finally, of escaping her past ultimately to triumph as a writer.
Already a huge success in India, where it has been published in Hindi, Bengali, and several other languages, A Life Less Ordinary is an astonishing story of strength, courage, and determination that continues to inspire readers everywhere.
175 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2002
43 people are currently reading
1030 people want to read
About the author
Baby Halder
5 books6 followersBaby Halder (or Haldar) is an Indian domestic help and author, whose acclaimed autobiography Aalo Aandhari (A Life Less Ordinary, 2006) describes her harsh life growing up and as a domestic worker, later translated into 21 languages, including 13 foreign languages.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
August 13, 2021
سيرة ذاتية لفتاة هندية ذاقت من مرارات الحياة ما تنوء بحمله صفحات الكتب، كالكثير من نساء بلادها وطبقتها .. يستحق القراءة.
June 18, 2018
This is an inspirational and moving story. Baby Halder recounts her life growing up poor in India, and being married to an abusive and neglectful man; unfortunately, a common and familiar theme. I applaud her braveness and perseverance to overcome her struggles, to pack up herself and her children and try to make a better life for her family.
She eventually finds work in the home of a kind, educated man. He and his friends encouraged Baby to write her story, and I am grateful that they did. You get the feeling as the story progresses that in writing her tale, Baby is able to start the healing process.
A good story, but for me, not a great one. I struggled to get into the book as I found the language, familial hierarchy, and the choppiness of the story quite challenging to read and understand. This improves as the story progresses, and it becomes much more readable as Baby's writing techniques improve and evolve.
3 Stars
She eventually finds work in the home of a kind, educated man. He and his friends encouraged Baby to write her story, and I am grateful that they did. You get the feeling as the story progresses that in writing her tale, Baby is able to start the healing process.
A good story, but for me, not a great one. I struggled to get into the book as I found the language, familial hierarchy, and the choppiness of the story quite challenging to read and understand. This improves as the story progresses, and it becomes much more readable as Baby's writing techniques improve and evolve.
3 Stars
May 28, 2012
My friend Aditya recommended me this book and told me this book is one gem of a memoir. I ordered the book straightaway from online bookstore. I took me 3 days to finish this book but the feeling while I was reading the book can't be explained in life time.
The book has been written in such simple tone and words that anyone can read it at ease. I found the incidents heart touching and at times felt disgusted at the treatment women gets in this society.
Baby Halder author of the book, starts her book from the time she was in Jammu with her father, then they move to other place and then to Durgapur, where they are forced to live a abject life. It was a sad account of life story but that's the harsh reality maximum people face.
She was married at the mere age of 14 when most of girls go to school and play with their classmates. She was forcefully married and was expected to act matured as per instructions of his husband who was atleast 12 years elder to her. He used to drink and lot and all he cared about was to have intercourse with her.
She wasn't allowed even to talk to any male. She is beaten almost every other day for no fault of hers. Finally one day she decides to move to Delhi. As soon as she lands in delhi she is anxious about her future but after a lot of troubleshooting she finally gets a job in a nice home, where she is encouraged to read and write.
This is how she converts her leisure writing into a beautiful book.
Great are those soul who inspite of all stones kept in their way climb to the top to witness sunrise.
Baby Halder is one of them
The book has been written in such simple tone and words that anyone can read it at ease. I found the incidents heart touching and at times felt disgusted at the treatment women gets in this society.
Baby Halder author of the book, starts her book from the time she was in Jammu with her father, then they move to other place and then to Durgapur, where they are forced to live a abject life. It was a sad account of life story but that's the harsh reality maximum people face.
She was married at the mere age of 14 when most of girls go to school and play with their classmates. She was forcefully married and was expected to act matured as per instructions of his husband who was atleast 12 years elder to her. He used to drink and lot and all he cared about was to have intercourse with her.
She wasn't allowed even to talk to any male. She is beaten almost every other day for no fault of hers. Finally one day she decides to move to Delhi. As soon as she lands in delhi she is anxious about her future but after a lot of troubleshooting she finally gets a job in a nice home, where she is encouraged to read and write.
This is how she converts her leisure writing into a beautiful book.
Great are those soul who inspite of all stones kept in their way climb to the top to witness sunrise.
Baby Halder is one of them
May 15, 2022
Non è chissà che opera d'arte, ma è decisamente illuminante: mamma mia in che mondo orrendo viviamo 😭
Popsugar Reading challenge: A book featuring a man-made disaster
Around the year in 52 books: A book that uses all five vowels in the title and/or author's name
The 52 books club challenge: Featuring a library or bookstore
Popsugar Reading challenge: A book featuring a man-made disaster
Around the year in 52 books: A book that uses all five vowels in the title and/or author's name
The 52 books club challenge: Featuring a library or bookstore
April 2, 2019
Si tratta di un memoir molto scarno, ma toccante. Seguiamo Baby nelle innumerevoli vicissitudini della sua triste vita, una vita che trova per fortuna un piccolo riscatto quando lei va a lavorare presso un vecchio professore che comincia a trattarla come una figlia. Malgrado lei racconti con voce piatta tutto quello che le è accaduto, quasi senza mostrare le sue emozioni, questo libro è un'autentica denuncia contro la condizione della donna in India. Baby si sposa quando ha poco più che dodici anni, e si percepisce il suo desiderio di poter giocare ancora, di poter studiare. Ma, non appena ha i suoi primi cicli, la matrigna teme forse che il padre le voglia troppo bene (e che commetta incesto?) e quindi la dà letteralmente al primo che capita, che la picchia per un nonnulla.
Baby cerca più volte di andare via da casa, perché, oltre alle botte, il marito le dà a malapena i soldi per sfamare i figli (mentre lui se ne va in giro con le tasche piene) e per farli studiare; ma, sebbene lei perda un figlio a causa delle percosse e anche la sorella venga uccisa dalla furia omicida del proprio marito, tutti i parenti continuano a dirle che deve tornare a casa da lui, negandole ospitalità.
Alla fine Baby riesce a riscattarsi perché è una donna molto forte e decisa, ma quante altre donne soccombono uccise dai mariti (che poi restano impuniti)?
Sono un po' perplessa dalle scelte del traduttore di rendere un linguaggio elementare, privo di congiuntivi, sciatto. Probabilmente voleva farci percepire Baby come una semi-analfabeta; ma vorrei sapere se lo ha fatto per sua scelta o perché l'originale da cui era tradotto presentava una lingua simile. In inglese il congiuntivo non esiste, non saprei in bengalese; per cui è probabile che ci sia stato comunque qualcosa nel testo che gli ha fatto compiere questa scelta. Che però, alla lunga, dà un po' noia, perché sembra quasi che il riscatto di Baby si compia solo a metà.
Baby cerca più volte di andare via da casa, perché, oltre alle botte, il marito le dà a malapena i soldi per sfamare i figli (mentre lui se ne va in giro con le tasche piene) e per farli studiare; ma, sebbene lei perda un figlio a causa delle percosse e anche la sorella venga uccisa dalla furia omicida del proprio marito, tutti i parenti continuano a dirle che deve tornare a casa da lui, negandole ospitalità.
Alla fine Baby riesce a riscattarsi perché è una donna molto forte e decisa, ma quante altre donne soccombono uccise dai mariti (che poi restano impuniti)?
Sono un po' perplessa dalle scelte del traduttore di rendere un linguaggio elementare, privo di congiuntivi, sciatto. Probabilmente voleva farci percepire Baby come una semi-analfabeta; ma vorrei sapere se lo ha fatto per sua scelta o perché l'originale da cui era tradotto presentava una lingua simile. In inglese il congiuntivo non esiste, non saprei in bengalese; per cui è probabile che ci sia stato comunque qualcosa nel testo che gli ha fatto compiere questa scelta. Che però, alla lunga, dà un po' noia, perché sembra quasi che il riscatto di Baby si compia solo a metà.
September 16, 2015
لم أجد سبباً يمنعني من اعطاء هذا الكتاب خمسة نجوم و ربما لو استطعت لأعطيته أكثر...
لقد وجدت نفسي في مكتبة كبيرة أمام ألاف الكتب و للصراحة لم يكن هذا الكتاب خياري الأول ولا حتى الأخير... لكن بالصدفة فقط و جدته و لم اكن سأتناوله اطلاقا إلا أني عندما رأيت الكاتبة هندية و تحكي قصة حياتها أخذته بلا تردد...
قصة بيبي ليست ككل القصص السعيدة و لا الحزينة... وبيبي بالرغم من أنها لم تتلقى تعليما فهي اروع من تلك المدعية غادة السمان و أروع من اي كاتبة أخرى قراءة لها للآن... فهي لاتتلهف للرجال بل للحياة و لتعليم أطفالها... بيبي كم وجدتني محتارة لبعض ماحدث معك تُضربين بمنزل أبيك و تُضربين بمنزل زوجك...
هذا الكتاب ليس للمعقدين الراغبين بالكلمات الصعبة و حبكات القصص مستحيلة الفهم هذا الكتاب خاتمة ممتازة لعالم 2014 و كم انا سعيدة لذلك...
"كان أنموذجا غريبا من البشر . لايعرف اللباقات الاجتماعية ، ولاكيف يتحدث مع من هم أكبر منه سناً ولايعرف كيف يبدي الاحترام ، و إذا حاولت أن أخبره بأن عليه أن يكون محترماً ، كان يحدق بي فقط "
كانت تصف هنا زوجها... و الذي حقاً اعجبني انها لم تكن تقاتل احدا او تلقي اللوم على احد بل بالعكس كانت متسامحة جدا حتى أني لم اعلم بكرهها لأبيها إلا لاخر الكتاب تقريبا حيث كتبت على لسان احد مرسيليها : " فكري لم أنت منزعجة من والدك. ضعي نفسك مكانه ولو مرة واحدة واختبري احساسه. حتى لو انتابك احساس بأنك لن تغفري له ، يجب أن تفعلي ذلك. علينا أن نغفر للبشر حتى لو لم نكن نحبهم "
كيف تحبه و زوجها في الثانية عشرة.. و كان عندها اطفال وهي مجرد طفلة ... كيف تحبه و كل الالم و الندم و الحزن و القرف يتملكها عند ابيها...
بيبي أيقظتني لأبني مستقبلي بالطريقة التي اريدها....
كم يشبه هذا الكتاب شخص يعمل ليعيل نفسه.
لقد وجدت نفسي في مكتبة كبيرة أمام ألاف الكتب و للصراحة لم يكن هذا الكتاب خياري الأول ولا حتى الأخير... لكن بالصدفة فقط و جدته و لم اكن سأتناوله اطلاقا إلا أني عندما رأيت الكاتبة هندية و تحكي قصة حياتها أخذته بلا تردد...
قصة بيبي ليست ككل القصص السعيدة و لا الحزينة... وبيبي بالرغم من أنها لم تتلقى تعليما فهي اروع من تلك المدعية غادة السمان و أروع من اي كاتبة أخرى قراءة لها للآن... فهي لاتتلهف للرجال بل للحياة و لتعليم أطفالها... بيبي كم وجدتني محتارة لبعض ماحدث معك تُضربين بمنزل أبيك و تُضربين بمنزل زوجك...
هذا الكتاب ليس للمعقدين الراغبين بالكلمات الصعبة و حبكات القصص مستحيلة الفهم هذا الكتاب خاتمة ممتازة لعالم 2014 و كم انا سعيدة لذلك...
"كان أنموذجا غريبا من البشر . لايعرف اللباقات الاجتماعية ، ولاكيف يتحدث مع من هم أكبر منه سناً ولايعرف كيف يبدي الاحترام ، و إذا حاولت أن أخبره بأن عليه أن يكون محترماً ، كان يحدق بي فقط "
كانت تصف هنا زوجها... و الذي حقاً اعجبني انها لم تكن تقاتل احدا او تلقي اللوم على احد بل بالعكس كانت متسامحة جدا حتى أني لم اعلم بكرهها لأبيها إلا لاخر الكتاب تقريبا حيث كتبت على لسان احد مرسيليها : " فكري لم أنت منزعجة من والدك. ضعي نفسك مكانه ولو مرة واحدة واختبري احساسه. حتى لو انتابك احساس بأنك لن تغفري له ، يجب أن تفعلي ذلك. علينا أن نغفر للبشر حتى لو لم نكن نحبهم "
كيف تحبه و زوجها في الثانية عشرة.. و كان عندها اطفال وهي مجرد طفلة ... كيف تحبه و كل الالم و الندم و الحزن و القرف يتملكها عند ابيها...
بيبي أيقظتني لأبني مستقبلي بالطريقة التي اريدها....
كم يشبه هذا الكتاب شخص يعمل ليعيل نفسه.
March 7, 2008
I feel like an evil, evil person - I hated this book.
Baby's story is striking (and sadly not at the same time- there are far too many abused people in this world), and I applaud her for finding the courage to write it herself. However, having a tough life and a pen and paper does not a writer make. She's very brave, and there are moments of true beauty in her writing, but for the most part I found her style very uncomfortable. I found myself almost itchy from the writing - especially when she talks about herself in third person.
I applaud her for her courage, but I wish her story had been told with more help from another writer.
Baby's story is striking (and sadly not at the same time- there are far too many abused people in this world), and I applaud her for finding the courage to write it herself. However, having a tough life and a pen and paper does not a writer make. She's very brave, and there are moments of true beauty in her writing, but for the most part I found her style very uncomfortable. I found myself almost itchy from the writing - especially when she talks about herself in third person.
I applaud her for her courage, but I wish her story had been told with more help from another writer.
Read
November 26, 2025I won't give this a star rating the way I normally do because the point of this book is not the writing but the story it tells and the light it sheds on the sad fate of many poor women in India but also throughout the world. It's a difficult read in terms of style and content. The author is a woman who grew up in a poor Indian village, was married to an abusive man at the age of 12, and had the courage to take her children and leave him when his violent abuse became unbearable. Especially at the beginning the writing is quite choppy, and for a western reader understanding the web of familial relationships is made difficult by the use of nicknames or terms for relatives that aren't translated. One take away from this is a reminder that the idea that a person has a right or even a duty to advocate for oneself is a piece of cultural heritage not granted to many groups of people, particularly women and people of color. I first heard about this book on the BBC world service podcast Outlook which tells the stories of people who have had interesting or unusual life experiences, so it I was glad to find the book and finally read it.
July 17, 2020
Baby Halder, seorang perempuan muda asal India, pembantu rumah tangga, kawin muda, seorang diri menghidupi tiga orang anak, ditinggalkan ibunya saat kecil, disiksa suami, tak dapat melanjutkan sekolah. Sama sekali bukan hidup yang indah. A life less ordinary ditulis sendiri oleh Baby, dibantu Sahib nya alias majikan ditempat ia bekerja sebagai Pembantu Rumah Tangga.
Buku ini ditulis dengan sederhana. Walaupun membaca buku ini tidak sampai mengeluarkan banjir airmata tapi sakit yang Baby rasakan dapat juga dirasakan. Salah satu yang mengiris hati saat Baby berjumpa kembali dengan ibunya setelah 20 tahun ditinggalkan. Kepedihan bertahun-tahun dan keputusasaan menunggu kepulangan ibunya tidak menyisakan perasaan sebagaimana layaknya sebuah pertemuan yang telah lama dinanti.
Baby tidak merasakan apa-apa saat bertemu ibunya kembali,tidak merasakan kegembiraan apalagi kebahagiaan. Mungkin seperti itu ya, jika akumulasi keinginan atau kebutuhan telah mencapai puncak, maka dengan sendirinya keinginan itu akan menurun kembali. Persis hukum ekonomi the law of deminishing return. Pemenuhan suatu kebutuhan atau keinginan atau permintaan akan mencapai puncak dan selanjutnya akan menurun. Hukum ekonomi itu ternyata banyak yang sesuai dengan kehidupan manusia bukan hanya berkaitan dengan faktor ekonomi. Mungkin karena yang diteliti juga perilaku manusia.
Baby tidak bercerita secara mendayu-dayu, lebih seperti bercerita dengan seorang sahabat. Baby juga berhasil menggambarkan kehidupan nyata bahwa dunia bukanlah hitam dan putih secara mutlak. Seseorang tidak selalu jahat sepenuhnya dan sebaliknya. Malah, kemungkinan seseorang memang baik adanya.
Beberapa hal yang menjadi point yang saya peroleh dari kisah Baby :
1. Tetaplah memiliki harapan, tetaplah berusaha untuk mencapai harapan.
2. Orang baik masih ada di bumi yang penuh kejahatan ini.
3. Jangan berhenti menulis.
Buku ini ditulis dengan sederhana. Walaupun membaca buku ini tidak sampai mengeluarkan banjir airmata tapi sakit yang Baby rasakan dapat juga dirasakan. Salah satu yang mengiris hati saat Baby berjumpa kembali dengan ibunya setelah 20 tahun ditinggalkan. Kepedihan bertahun-tahun dan keputusasaan menunggu kepulangan ibunya tidak menyisakan perasaan sebagaimana layaknya sebuah pertemuan yang telah lama dinanti.
Baby tidak merasakan apa-apa saat bertemu ibunya kembali,tidak merasakan kegembiraan apalagi kebahagiaan. Mungkin seperti itu ya, jika akumulasi keinginan atau kebutuhan telah mencapai puncak, maka dengan sendirinya keinginan itu akan menurun kembali. Persis hukum ekonomi the law of deminishing return. Pemenuhan suatu kebutuhan atau keinginan atau permintaan akan mencapai puncak dan selanjutnya akan menurun. Hukum ekonomi itu ternyata banyak yang sesuai dengan kehidupan manusia bukan hanya berkaitan dengan faktor ekonomi. Mungkin karena yang diteliti juga perilaku manusia.
Baby tidak bercerita secara mendayu-dayu, lebih seperti bercerita dengan seorang sahabat. Baby juga berhasil menggambarkan kehidupan nyata bahwa dunia bukanlah hitam dan putih secara mutlak. Seseorang tidak selalu jahat sepenuhnya dan sebaliknya. Malah, kemungkinan seseorang memang baik adanya.
Beberapa hal yang menjadi point yang saya peroleh dari kisah Baby :
1. Tetaplah memiliki harapan, tetaplah berusaha untuk mencapai harapan.
2. Orang baik masih ada di bumi yang penuh kejahatan ini.
3. Jangan berhenti menulis.
January 11, 2021
বাড়ির কাজের মেয়ে বেবি হালদারের "A Life Less Ordinary" (Penguin, 2006) (মূল হিন্দি গ্রন্থ "আলো আঁধারি")-কে Sub-altern autobiography বা নিম্নবর্গীয় আত্মজীবনী বলা যায়।
April 15, 2022
Es de esos libros que te marcan para siempre. Tienen que darle una oportunidad.
February 5, 2024
Misery upon misery written in a childlike manner. Don't recommend
August 19, 2021
ثمة معاناة حقيقية ..تتيّقن بعدها أنك حياتك ماهي إلا فردوساً.
مؤلمة جدًا .. ذكرتني بأدب السجون لاأدري لكن تأكدت أن النساء في العالم أجمع جُمع لهن الشقاء مُضاعف.
مؤلمة جدًا .. ذكرتني بأدب السجون لاأدري لكن تأكدت أن النساء في العالم أجمع جُمع لهن الشقاء مُضاعف.
January 10, 2016
As I reached the end of the book, I was moved because I have never heard a story like this before. How often do you get a chance to read about a maid's life and that too, in her own words (the book was originally written in Bengali and was then translated to Hindi and English)? I had to take a break for two days because the domestic violence parts are quite disturbing. But the way Baby came out of hell is inspiring.
I had few issues with the book though: I somehow didn't like the way Baby jumps suddenly from one incident to another. But then, it's good to remember that Baby used to write after completing her work as a domestic help and taking care of three children!
Whenever I feel like giving up, I will make sure I read this book, because Baby's life is certainly not ordinary. There are people who say that feminism is for the elite, upper class women. This book proves that there are women out there fighting the patriarchy..without even knowing that there is a name to their beliefs.
I had few issues with the book though: I somehow didn't like the way Baby jumps suddenly from one incident to another. But then, it's good to remember that Baby used to write after completing her work as a domestic help and taking care of three children!
Whenever I feel like giving up, I will make sure I read this book, because Baby's life is certainly not ordinary. There are people who say that feminism is for the elite, upper class women. This book proves that there are women out there fighting the patriarchy..without even knowing that there is a name to their beliefs.
November 16, 2007
Written by a poor woman trying to survive in India. She was married at a young age to an abusive, indifferent man. Finally she left with her children to find work. After a time she found employment in the home of an educated and kind man. He and his friends encouraged her to write and this is her first book. In a straight forward style she has told her life story. An important book which provides a glimpse into the life of one poor woman, and perhaps insight into the lives of struggling women around the globe.
April 11, 2010
This is a very inspirational story - one I know I'll remember for a long time. The reason I didn't LOVE this book is that the writing was so spare; I believe that is also part of its charm (for those who really love it). Myself, I would've liked more details about situations that were mentioned but not explained fully. I would've loved more descriptions.
In any case, this book is certainly recommended - just reading the dust jacket you can see that it's an amazing story. Reading through the author's life story (to this point) is really a great opportunity.
In any case, this book is certainly recommended - just reading the dust jacket you can see that it's an amazing story. Reading through the author's life story (to this point) is really a great opportunity.
May 11, 2020
This probably may be the first ever book I finished reading within 24 hrs. Felt like I watched a movie. I found it very inspiring and must read book for people who don’t see hope & are deemed themselves unworthy
April 4, 2011
A very simply worded narrative, purely chronologically arranged. No reading challenges, compexity or subtly.
The only potential interest comes from the plot, and personally I didn't find the story inspirational. Unfortunately I didn't find it surprising or shocking either, just familiarly depressing.
The only potential interest comes from the plot, and personally I didn't find the story inspirational. Unfortunately I didn't find it surprising or shocking either, just familiarly depressing.
February 6, 2014
Simple and has the capacity to move you to tears.
May 29, 2020
A Life Less Ordinary is the English translation of Baby Halder’s autobiography, originally written in Bengali titled, Aalo Andhari.
The story of Baby Halder will resonate with the lives of many women we know around us, but what is expectional about Baby is her courage and determination despite the saga of continuous exploitation and harassment. It is a tale of unending oppression that women face due to patriarchal sturctures.
After being abandoned by her mother, Baby's life takes changes for the worse. Her father marries twice and unable to take care of Baby after she reaches puberty, Baby is married off to a man 14 years older to her.
The married life is devoid of any happiness and is marked with continuous abuse and violence Like any other patriarchal family, the man is the breadwinner and controls the finances making Baby dependent on him for all her needs. Finally, putting her foot down, Baby with her 3 children decides to come to Delhi to take control of her own life and this is where she gets to write her story.
The book is a testament to the position of women on society and how they are continuously slut shamed. Is the value and respect of a woman tangaible only when her life has the 'male' (read husband) as the central figure is the raging question that she keeps throughout her story.
Baby's story is powerful as it talks about reclaiming agency and autonomoy over ones life. Whether it was deciding to not go back to her husband depite the continuous societal pressure or her decision to tie up her tubes so as to not bear any more children are instances of gaining independce for herself.
The book carries the message that the struggle of women's rights does not take place only within the selective echelons of the society but it lies powerfully in the everyday acts. resistance carried by women at the margins. It is a story that effeced me deeply. In the simplest of manner, Baby's life tells us the need for women to be educated and independent. In a society which judges the every act of women, that is rampant with violence and abuse over women's bodies, this is the story of courage and liberation and that's what makes this memoir a must read.
The story of Baby Halder will resonate with the lives of many women we know around us, but what is expectional about Baby is her courage and determination despite the saga of continuous exploitation and harassment. It is a tale of unending oppression that women face due to patriarchal sturctures.
After being abandoned by her mother, Baby's life takes changes for the worse. Her father marries twice and unable to take care of Baby after she reaches puberty, Baby is married off to a man 14 years older to her.
The married life is devoid of any happiness and is marked with continuous abuse and violence Like any other patriarchal family, the man is the breadwinner and controls the finances making Baby dependent on him for all her needs. Finally, putting her foot down, Baby with her 3 children decides to come to Delhi to take control of her own life and this is where she gets to write her story.
The book is a testament to the position of women on society and how they are continuously slut shamed. Is the value and respect of a woman tangaible only when her life has the 'male' (read husband) as the central figure is the raging question that she keeps throughout her story.
Baby's story is powerful as it talks about reclaiming agency and autonomoy over ones life. Whether it was deciding to not go back to her husband depite the continuous societal pressure or her decision to tie up her tubes so as to not bear any more children are instances of gaining independce for herself.
The book carries the message that the struggle of women's rights does not take place only within the selective echelons of the society but it lies powerfully in the everyday acts. resistance carried by women at the margins. It is a story that effeced me deeply. In the simplest of manner, Baby's life tells us the need for women to be educated and independent. In a society which judges the every act of women, that is rampant with violence and abuse over women's bodies, this is the story of courage and liberation and that's what makes this memoir a must read.
March 11, 2018
I found this book difficult to read, and not because of the content. The writing improves throughout the book, becoming much more readable around page 80. I understand that this reflects the evolution of the author as a writer and that the author is telling her story in the words she deems best at the time of her writing. However, this understanding does not aide comprehension.
I found myself confused throughout the text by the web of social networks and hierarchies the author finds herself embedded in throughout her life. Everyone is constantly in everyone else's business except when it actually matters: stopping domestic violence, making sure people get to the hospital, etc. Her social network do help her find jobs and occasionally provide her small transfers of cash, and perhaps that is reason enough to keep them.
I also could not understand the social (transactional?) relationship between the author and her final employer, who ultimately helps her publish her manuscript. The relationship between employer and domestic servant seems inherently difficult to govern using solely contract ethics, given how repeated and high variance the work can be. In her story, her final employer functionally transfers more resources to her than she could earn in comparable employment elsewhere, but couches their relationship in terms of parent-child. It is the latter aspect of the interaction that makes little sense to me, but perhaps this is what condescending paternalism looks like.
I did enjoy, in the final third of the book, that even as the author begins to interact with her final employer and his literary friends, she remains cognizant and questioning of their class distinctions. For example, the author questions whether her pen pals interact with their own domestic servants in the same way they interact with her, or if she is just some curiosity. I wonder how much of her actual thoughts regarding her final employer are self-censored in this manuscript.
I found myself confused throughout the text by the web of social networks and hierarchies the author finds herself embedded in throughout her life. Everyone is constantly in everyone else's business except when it actually matters: stopping domestic violence, making sure people get to the hospital, etc. Her social network do help her find jobs and occasionally provide her small transfers of cash, and perhaps that is reason enough to keep them.
I also could not understand the social (transactional?) relationship between the author and her final employer, who ultimately helps her publish her manuscript. The relationship between employer and domestic servant seems inherently difficult to govern using solely contract ethics, given how repeated and high variance the work can be. In her story, her final employer functionally transfers more resources to her than she could earn in comparable employment elsewhere, but couches their relationship in terms of parent-child. It is the latter aspect of the interaction that makes little sense to me, but perhaps this is what condescending paternalism looks like.
I did enjoy, in the final third of the book, that even as the author begins to interact with her final employer and his literary friends, she remains cognizant and questioning of their class distinctions. For example, the author questions whether her pen pals interact with their own domestic servants in the same way they interact with her, or if she is just some curiosity. I wonder how much of her actual thoughts regarding her final employer are self-censored in this manuscript.
June 25, 2024
I have been to India twice; I love it there, and feel deeply connected to the place and people. I wanted to love this book, reading the description and knowing it is meant to be a deep dive into the culture and experiences of one woman living in the caste system, deep poverty, and domestic abuse. However, today, after several months of trying, I gave up at 77% read. I may finish it some day, but I there are too many great books out there; in my opinion this is not one of them. Read Midnight's Children (Salman Rushdie), or my favorite, A Fine Balance, by Rohinton Mistry. Halder's book jumps from first voice to third (very confusing); uses endless incomplete thoughts/sentence; jumps all over the place, and is really hard to follow.
I believe Misha, who also posted 2 stars, gives the perfect review (with perfect brevity), summing up exactly what I think. I can't help but believe that many of the 5 star reviews of this book are based on sympathy for what is truly a traumatic, and hard life. Baby Halder shows tremendous perseverance and determination, in getting through her challenges and poverty, then writing it all down, but as Misha said (paraphrasing): living a memorable life, does not a writer make.
I believe Misha, who also posted 2 stars, gives the perfect review (with perfect brevity), summing up exactly what I think. I can't help but believe that many of the 5 star reviews of this book are based on sympathy for what is truly a traumatic, and hard life. Baby Halder shows tremendous perseverance and determination, in getting through her challenges and poverty, then writing it all down, but as Misha said (paraphrasing): living a memorable life, does not a writer make.
September 9, 2022
Incredibly moving and awe-inspiring in the true sense of the words, this is a book that must be read by every man and woman in the country and abroad, as facilitated by the translations. To praise Baby's perseverance would be to glorify the strength of womanhood and fall prey to all those old tropes and normalise her suffering; what this book does most is illustrate that women's awareness and empowerment is an essential human right, cutting across all divides. I was so glad to read about her rediscovering her love for the written word, and her finally getting the kindness and care she deserves in her mentor's home, albeit late in life. Felt the book ended abruptly, though the writing never once bored me for all its lack of self-pity. If anything, it only made me admire her more and filled me with sadness and emptiness. Eagerly waiting for the sequel and hoping to meet her in person, as impossible as that seems. So glad I finally read this, though as an e-book, and that it had been translated into so many languages. As put by Butalia in the affecting Foreword, it is a book “that reminds us that there is so much that needs to be said and written about women’s lives.” Amen.
September 18, 2022
This is a hard book to review. On one hand, it is hard to follow because of the many characters (some of whom go by the same name), the numerous cultural references to holidays and days of the month and general other cultural references that I have no context for, and the occasional switch to referring to herself in 3rd person for no apparent reason. But on the other hand, it's simply an incredible story! It's amazing that she even learned to read or write at all, as a motherless young girl married off at the age of 12 to an abusive and heartless man and a mother herself at 14! My American experiences have no context for such things! Her story is heartbreaking, tragic, and ultimately uplifting, when she finally encounters a decent human being willing to treat her with the care and respect she deserves. Her story is truly an important one that needs to be told!
October 26, 2023
This memoir, penned by Baby Halder and translated by Urvashi Butalia is undeniably a sob story but when you pause to reflect on the extreme challenges the author faced and her barely-literate status, it seems remarkable that she could sustain her love for learning and writing. Only a fortuitous turn of events brings her to the doorstep of a bibliophile, seeking employment as a household help. The book is a sobering reminder that in heartland India this is the unfortunate life of most women - facing violence, discrimination and patriarchy that keeps them confined. Ignorance, superstition and antiquated social conventions continue to burden them.
March 27, 2025
biography of Baby, a young Bengali girl in India. Her mother left when she was just a child and was raised by her father who was cruel to her. She got married off when she was only 12 to a 26 year old abusive horrible man, and had 3 children at such a young age. The husband was so cruel and used to beat her and almost killed her. Her own husband / father did not bother to show up when Baby gave birth. Eventually Baby works up the courage to leave her husband, and takes her 3 kids with her. She finds work as a domestic help. After various cruel employers, she finally finds a nice employer who encourages her to read and write, eventually publishing a book of her own life.
June 22, 2025
Anyone who has lived in a country where it is usual to have servants, will know that many of them are treated in this abject way. And though I understand that in our country, there still is a struggle to get equal rights for women, I do not understand that we do not have world-wide hard actions to obtain at least the basic rights for all women in those countries where girls are mistreated in this scandalous way. Benoite Groult states in her "Ainsi soit-elle" that she is astonished how men dare to sit without shame next to other guys of whom they know that they will probably be treating their servants, their wives and their daughters in this same shamefull way.
March 12, 2023
The writing is rough and untidy just like the world Baby lives in. I believe keeping the english translation on the same lines has been the right way to communicate Baby's style. I felt like she was narrating it to me herself, at times abrupt, at times remembering a random person. Editing or 'beautifying' the language would have ruined it. I wonder how it is in original Bengali. There is so much sorrow and pain around us in the people we take for granted.
July 29, 2020
The premise of the memoir was interesting, but poorly translated - jumping unpredictably from first to third person, and adding a sappy ending that was clearly not part of her original work in Bangla. More than anything, this story reminded me how most women in this world have struggled, first as daughters and then as wives, shouldering additional burden as teenage mothers.
March 9, 2021
I am fortunate enough to read such memoirs normally such memoirs you hardly get to read
If I could quote this book in three sentences that would be
"A girl who led her journey in her own way
A sahib who encouraged her.
A piece of work dedicated to all those ladies who lead their life single handedly despite facing all hardships."
Baby Halder salute to your read & write in what small ways you do.😘
If I could quote this book in three sentences that would be
"A girl who led her journey in her own way
A sahib who encouraged her.
A piece of work dedicated to all those ladies who lead their life single handedly despite facing all hardships."
Baby Halder salute to your read & write in what small ways you do.😘
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