Twinsight: How to Raise Confident, Emotionally Healthy Twins

by Dara Lovitz

It’s a fact: twins experience life differently than singleton children. They’re compared to each other in everything from athletics to academics. They encounter unique social issues (what happens when one child is invited to a social outing while her twin is not?). They can even have difficulty forming deep relationships outside of the twinship. Yet no book effectively helps parents navigate these unique emotional challenges—until now.

In the first book written on the emotional needs of twins, Twinsight: How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Twins bypasses the usual discussions on how to pay for two tuitions (a conundrum, to be sure!) and instead tackles deeper questions: How do you help twins feel like individuals? Should they be expected to be each other’s caretaker? How can a parent avoid comparing? How can you encourage relationships outside the twinship? and more!

Drawing on over seventy interviews with adult twins and their non-twin siblings, as well as expert insights from educators and psychologists and exhaustive research, author Dara Lovitz offers parents a definitive road map to raising emotionally healthy twins now and into the future.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published March 1, 2018

Reviews

[Marie Calle · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a twin who is having twins I was glad to read this book with multiple perspectives of twins. I’m excited to parent my twins and this book gave me a lot of perspectives.

[Cole Rich · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am happy I read this book and definitely took some pro-tips. Stylistically, it was hard for me to get through. I would describe it as a menagerie of anecdotes with loose themes.

[Mechelle VanHoudt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so glad that I was too busy caring for 4 kids that I didn't have time to read this when my twins were babies. I would have been WAY to prone to obsessing that I needed to raise them "right". I had my twins last, and am so thankful I did. I was a much more experienced parent, and much more likely to let my twins teach me, than the other way around. I have spent many of my younger parenting years both watching others (and being guilty myself) as "helicopter" parents. I am happy to say my twins have taught me to live and learn and to do the best I can, without second guessing everything I did as a parent. :)

[Maria R · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a new mother of twins I enjoyed this book very much. It is light yet it gave me a lot of food for thought, even though like with all books on parenting the bottom line is: 1. Every (twin) child is different and 2. You have your work cut out for you. :)

I did appreciate the author's very good idea to approach the subject from the child's point of view.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every twin parent should read this

The book is true to its name, as it is filled with insights on twins and the relationship they share. It addresses many of the potential pitfuls in raising twins, and how to avoid them.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

This parenting book shares practical advice for raising multiples, and instead of just focusing on the younger years, the book also addresses dynamics for teenage and young adult twins. The author interviewed a variety of different twins, and she also interviewed singleton siblings of twins to get another perspective and share advice in the chapter related to family dynamics with other siblings. There's a lot of great practical advice here beyond the obvious message to treat your twins as individuals, and this book raises good questions that parents can think about proactively before a scenario arises.

I like that the author based this on her interviews with real people. She also shares from scholarly research, but she doesn't delve into esoteric philosophies about twinship or make a lot of dramatic blanket statements, like the author of Alone in the Mirror: Twins in Therapy did. Twinsight is very down-to-earth and deals with the stuff of everyday life. This author also does a great job of specifying what percentages of a research study apply to identical versus fraternal twins, and she shares anecdotes and advice for raising both, instead of just focusing on identical twins.

My main critique is that when the author reflects on her own parenting, it seems like she's humble bragging about what a great mom she is. Sharing real-life examples from her family is helpful to a limited extent, since she has experience being a mom of twins, but she often goes into way too much detail. Even when she's acknowledging something she could have done better, it still sounds like a humble brag. She specifically chose to interview twins themselves instead of their parents for the book, but didn't seem to have the same level of insight about how her own takes as a parent would be biased as well.

[Melanie Pond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the parenting book I have been looking for. We’re past the difficult first few years and getting into some of the more nuanced issues of raising twins. This book addressed many issues I wanted guidance on, like how to address sibling rivalry, affirm each child in their individuality, address friendship outside of the twinship, and help them deal with all of the comparisons people make about them. There was a good mix of information gleaned from psychologists and from numerous interviews with twins themselves.

[Amber Kani · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is my first one star review. This book was garbage judgment and “advice” relayed through repetitive anecdotes from the author praising their own parenting. I get it - two birthday parties. Every sentence made me feel talked down to and criticized. Stylistically it reads as scolding. The author takes themselves too seriously and really should work on their writing style if they want to keep readers.

[Jimena Saito · Rating 4 out of 5]

Como cuata, apruebo mucho lo que dice este libro. Me identifico bastante, aprendí de experiencias que no me suceden con mi cuata. Si buscas entender la vida de cuates, lo que pasa por su cabeza y corazón, este es un buen libro. Como papás de cuates o simplemente de 2 o más hijos, también hay buenos takeaways.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful for twins having trouble differentiating. Less helpful for twins who are so different it can be hard to find common ground. I appreciate that it seems to be one of only a few books out there that is about twins past infancy and preschool.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fine book on twins. The stories from twins are interesting, though nothing in the book is groundbreaking. Summarized: Treat your twins as individuals.

[Christine Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is really good if you don't already understand that you need to treat twins as individuals. It had a few helpful nuggets considering I was already clear on the individuals point.

[Renee Van]

Twinsight provides meaningful insight into raising twins and multiples which can be applied to siblings of all ages as well. As an educator and a grandparent, I find the author's suggestions to be extremley helpful and enlightening. This book provides a unique combination of expert advice with the invaluable perspective of twins, triplets and singleton siblings in their own voices. The author synthesizes her research into a practical approach to dealing with authentic situations. Oh, and did I mention humor? The anecdotal references are quite entertaining. I know I will use Twinsight as a handbook and refer to it to remind myself about best practice when interacting with my grandchildren and students.
Renee Van Naarden
Teacher and Grammy of Twins