Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World as a SmartMouth Goddess

by Susan Jane Gilman

Irreverent, provocative, hip - this guide to power and attitude offers women an intelligent alternative to the negative messages we hear every day from magazines, TV and relatives. Gilman serves up advice on everything from sex to politics.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Feminism, Self Help, Chick Lit, Womens, Biography Memoir

219 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2001

About the author

Susan Jane Gilman’s new novel, “Donna Has Left the Building” will be published in June 2019. She is also the bestselling author of three nonfiction books “Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress,” “Undress me in the Temple of Heaven,” and “Kiss My Tiara," as well as the novel, "The Ice Cream Queen of Orchard Street." She's provided commentary for National Public Radio. She has an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Michigan, and has written for The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and Ms. magazine, among others. Her fiction and essays have received several literary awards.

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. I was a fan of Gilman's book Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress and the premise of Kiss My Tiara is a good one: empowering women to be the best they can be. Well, apparently no one told Gilman that women come in all shapes and sizes and political leanings because this book is geared towards women who think exactly like her. I thought the feminist movement gave women many choices in what they could do in their lives and news flash Gilman- even Conservative women can be feminists. Reading this book is like sitting next to that bore at a party who thinks everything coming out of their mouth is gold and that their opinion is the only one that matters. This is ironic as Gilman urges the reader to step out of their comfort zone and befriend people they normally wouldn't, even Republicans! *gasp*! How kind of her! In trying to debunk the idea of what a feminist should be she completely catered to every feminist sterotype. In keeping with the style of this book, praise the Goddesses that I warned you that this book is a waste of time and energy. If you want to learn to be a strong woman, look somewhere else.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is catchy, and it has some good qualities, but it has quite a few less desirable qualities.

Firstly, it is dated. It was written in 2002, and it utilizes enough allusions to popular culture, television and what not that it will eventually completely go over the heads of the intended reader age group. As is, about half the references are outdated for a 20 something.

The book has several good premises, unfortunately it tries to pander to too many ideas at once. And along with the good are some very blatantly obvious sections. Beauty ideas in our culture are from mental institutions - duh. This chapter would be better for an adolescent book (and this is not an adolescent read).

In general there was too much discussion of guys, dating, and pressure to marry. Yes, there was a bit thrown in about lesbian dating here and there, and an extreme overuse of the feminine form of various words - but still, this was half dating book.

And I don't think the point of ruling the world every really got across.

I will give the book props for making me laugh a few times, the chapter on salary negotiations and the chapter on job advice (really, let's have a whole book on that with such candor, perhaps it exists), and I did get a good laugh out of the movie spoof ideas.

[Kristi Lamont]

BOOK REPORT
I probably really would have enjoyed this back in the day. Alas, it now comes across as quite dated and forced. Had to force myself to even skim-read the third chapter, gave up after that (p26).

[Roxanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I get her. If I were a better writer, this would be my writing.

[Janice · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Sure beauty has the power to excite men. But so does a box of donuts."

[Dianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun and irreverent feminist manual. There are entire passages I want to cut out and paste up on my bedroom wall or scan and post to Facebook. Her exhortation to take use ragey PMS mood swings to fuel justifiably angry letters and phone calls to elected representatives is a gem, as is her list of movies reimagined with female heroes for a female audience. Her dating advice, too, is both sound and hysterical.

In places, the book reads as a little dated. I guess that's to be expected, given that the book is 17 years old. I think Gilman is writing in the climate of the third wave feminist/anti-feminist backlash, in which women of my own Generation X balked at some of the perceived stridency and shortcomings of second-wave feminists. This leads, I think, to some confusion of ideas, where in some places Gilman refuses the label "feminist" and in others dons it proudly. And - maybe this is just me, but I absolutely cannot stand it when someone refers to adult women as "gals," a habit Gilman has throughout the book. Still, if you can remind yourself that feminism really just means the idea that women are people too, you might find a good deal of humorously cloaked wisdom and insight in the book.

[Lindsay K · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOLY COW! I need to RE READ this book again and again!

Anytime I want to empower myself, whether I feel bad or confused about decisions I need to or have made, frustrated about a coworker (or heaven forbid, a guy), or want to justify my crazy ass's latest spontaneous move, this book is EXACTLY what I need.

This book first caught my eye when I was just randomly shopping in a Walgreens, and I saw the hot pink lips (I LOVE pink)--then the title caught me. Without even so much as a glimpse at the back cover, I had the book in my hand ready to ring out at the register.

Little did I know, this book is the most widely acclaimed women's empowerment and motivational tool ever--as estimated by me alone. :)

BUY THIS BOOK! Do NOT loan it out, you will NEVER get it back. It's not expensive, but the material inside is priceless.

(and hilarious... check the anecdotes about the author's grandma...)

LOVE IT!!!

[AJ LeBlanc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gilman is amazing. She tackles everything women go through and does it with humor and beautifully crafted sentences. While I was laughing, I found myself also getting mad about all the things women do to themselves for whatever reason. She's a hard core feminist who screams about how feminism doesn't seem to be working anymore. I love her writing style and I want to read everything she's ever written. She has a great gift for making you laugh at the same time as you're feeling outraged. This should be required reading for high school and college girls, then they should pass it on to their moms, aunts, and grandmothers.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

One hates to descend to platitudes like "Every woman should read this book," but in this case, every woman *should* read this book. Well, every smart, sassy, PITA woman should read this book - wallflowers and whiners need not apply. Gilman doles out laughter and advice in equal portions, making her self-help stylings more fun to read than most novels. Hip and funny, and Granny Gilman is the new feminist icon.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books! It is a little over the top, but if you don't take it too seriously, it is really funny. So if you are looking for a little dose of over the top girl power - this is the book for you!

[Jason Prodoehl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave this book 5 stars because I laughed out loud a LOT, and ok, I read the whole book twice. The title alone is worth it. If this book doesn't entertain and edify you about the power of women, I'm not sure what to recommend for you.

[Angela · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's not as laugh-out-loud funny as the title makes it out to be.

[Melanie Page · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book when I read it at age 18. I loved it again when I read it when I was 19 or 20. But now, at 32, it doesn't have the same fire, mainly because it's clearly written for an audience of 18-20 year-old-women. The author makes some great points throughout. However, her attempts at inter-sectional feminism are embarrassing. Instead of actually looking into the lives of women who aren't straight, able-bodied white women, she throws out quips that sound more like "Well, I have a black friend, so it's cool." Gilman will write something along the lines of, My friend Juanita said blah blah blah, or My girl Lakeesha felt blah blah blah. I couldn't help but wonder if the names were made up, chosen specifically because they make the reader assume something about the speaker's race. She also says straight, lesbian, and bi women all have a hard time dating, which really ignores the different reasons each woman would have a hard time dating. So, if you're 20, read it. If you're not, go find some grown-up feminism. I recommend Lindy West.

[ATjessicamarie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great bits! One of the books I’ve had on my shelf from a goodwill bookstore impulsive binge 🫣 and finally- finally got around to it.
The one thing I don’t love about a physical book- actually there’s a couple (like my friggin hands hurt after holding it for a while??), but mostly I don’t have the luxury of swiping my finger across to highlight some favourite phrases. And no- I’m not eager to pull a physical highlighter out to *ruin* my book. I’m far too ocd for that.

I would have loved to have read this when it first came out- or even be a decade older to really hit home some of the references- or heck- it could have come out 10 years later and I would have got them all and enjoyed it even more. But overall- I enjoyed the comedic relief of all topics. Makes sense as I would consider myself a smart mouth too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also think I may steal “goddess knows” and “of my goddess” to include in my daily vocabulary

[Suz Davidson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Provocative and lively, but didn't hold my interest long enough to finish. Read about 2/3 and just never picked it back up again.
-- Follow up: I returned to finish this, and the last few chapters were worth it. While it drags in places, there are sections that have surprising relevance today, sixteen years into the future of society. It appeared then that we were in an age of enlightenment regarding racism and feminism, and that improvements were happening by leaps and bounds. But recent events have proven that to be untrue, and the ideas in this book seem as necessary to impart as they were in the past. Much of it is still what I would consider to be common knowledge or trite ("don't wear blue nail polish to a corporate interview"... really, you don't say!), but Chapters 18-23 made up for it. While much of this book should go without saying, the fact that it doesn't is still as true today as it was in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Onward Vixen Soldiers, indeed!

[Maddie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It has some surprising inclusivity for being published in 2001, but it has some work to be done lol. Not a fan of using the word d*ke to refer to lesbians (especially if you aren't a lesbian yourself) and there was some evident ableism towards the down syndrome community. Also towards those with mental illness.

It was giving very much gaslight gatekeep girlboss, but I got it from someone years ago when they were cleaning out their bookshelf and I finally decided to give it a read.

[Ashley Nickels · Rating 3 out of 5]

I never finished this book in high school and just did today! Was written in 2001 when I was a freshman and wanted to read to see if it had any good tidbits to pass on to my daughter who is now in high school. Gosh, how the world has changed in 20 years! Nokia cell phones, Joan Rivers, when Rosie O'Donnell was still cool and homosexual marriages still faux pas. Some good advice but the book a little aged now. Hope my daughter will get a few laughs.

[Dajana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ideally I’d say 2.5.

The author makes a lot of gruelingly valid points, but then some of it she seems to contradict on. I wonder how I would’ve felt reading this back in high school, it’s definitely more relevant to the size 0 food sucks times vs now.

Also, depressing to read her last 2-3 pages where she says we have abortion rights in early 2000s and it being 2022 and not being able to relate to that 🥲

[Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious expose of a modern women's attempts to break with the outdated viewpoints of women's role in society and the rules and boundaries that bind her and prevent her from being a true Goddess in her own right. Brilliantly insightful, ribald, and just what the doctor ordered. Too bad this one is already married. Lol!

[Melissa Burnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone in her 50s, I breezed through this book and thought to myself many times that this would’ve been a great book to have read in my 20s. I didn’t really enjoy it, but that wasn’t a reason to give it a low rating. The advice given in the book is pretty solid overall and I will gift this book to a friend who has three daughters in their 20s.

[Dario Alberton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Una prospettiva sul femminismo, non tossica come altre, intrigante, interessante e sveglia, che punta MOLTO sugli atteggiamenti e le cose concrete, e non cerca di colpevolizzare la parte maschile facendo del vittimismo. Percorre la strada meno facile, meno foriera di applausi, e a mio parere lo fa molto bene.

[edy- elle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is not very catchy. I forced myself to finish it just to see if my opinion would change towards the end. It reads as a passive women who wants to date and find love and be a bad ass but doesn’t quite know how to. Gilman contradicts herself 1 million + times and her stance is confusing. It’s not so much as a guide than a join me on my internal rant to find happiness that I can’t place.

[Alicia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't disagree with a lot of what the author was saying but it seemed really geared towards younger readers and the information was basic and not the deeper dive I was hoping for.

[Erika · Rating 3 out of 5]

The idea behind this is fantastic and certainly empowering. However, I felt there was a little bit of the female to female bashing that shouldn't be included when the ultimate goal is positivity.

[Lauren Ashby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should be the Bible for strong women everywhere. Smart, witty... will leave you thinking “hell yeah” and feeling less alone. Buy one for every badass female you know.

[Sammi · Rating 2 out of 5]

A hard-core girlpower book.

[Linda · Rating 1 out of 5]

Seemed outdated and aimed at much younger readers. While purporting women to stand up and speak up for themselves, there was a disproportionate amount of writing devoted to finding and keeping a man.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw this book at the library and thought it looked like a fun book to read and it sure was! The author talks about how women do so many things like plucking our eyebrows so we can draw them back on with a pencil (you will never catch me doing that personally–yes I pluck but I like to keep some eyebrows!), make yourself look nice by wearing shoes that give you varicose veins and bunions (ok, I am guilty of this I admit!), having leaky water balloons surgically embedded in your chest (um, nope), etc. Yes, these things seem crazy yet some do them! Who came up with all of this anyway! Yes, the media is a lot to blame. All these beautiful women that you see on magazines and TV don’t help. We love to look beautiful and sexy. I admit that I don’t go very far without my makeup done. I just feel so naked. If I can make myself look better, you better believe I am going to do what I have to if that means makeup, heels, hair color, extensions, whatever. I am not trying to look like anyone else though. I am my own person and want to be unique. The book also talks about how we need to appreciate our own natural looks and not drive ourselves crazy. I don’t feel like I drive myself crazy over the way I look. Yes I see the author’s point that famous beauties are not always happy, they can be miserable too. I would be miserable if I couldn’t fix myself up like I want though. I know people that don’t dress up or wear makeup. That’s just who they are. I don’t like them any less, but that’s just not me. It would be a boring world if everyone was the same anyway! It also talks about not liking your body and being in high school. I didn’t feel good about myself at all in high school. I am much more confident now in myself. Yes there are things about my body I don’t like, but I’m working out to change it.



The author says exactly how she feels in this book which I love. She doesn’t hold anything back! If you don’t like something, speak up! Stand your ground! To often, she says, we are afraid to speak up. “We swallow our frustration and it turns into depression and tumors. Who needs that? Besides the people who live the longest are invariably tough old bastards. Take my grandmother. She whacked men on the shin with her cane if they hogged the armrest at the movie theatre–and she lived to ninety-one. Want health and longevity? Be a pain in the ass.” (loc. 364 on Kindle). “Women’s Relationship with food can be more complicated than our relationship with our mothers. Strange as it may seem, many of us feel we actually need permission to eat.” (Loc. 433 on Kindle) Boy, isn’t that the truth! “If we gals could stop focusing so much on our looks and start redirecting that energy toward our minds instead, we’d create even more serious competition in the job market.” (Loc. 597 on Kindle).



If you are looking for a fun book to read, I would recommend this to my friends! A lot of good points are brought up!

[Marsha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Filled with saucy wit, humor and biting sarcasm, “Kiss My Tiara” reads like salty talk exchanged by long-time girlfriends over a night of drinking and fingernail painting. But it is more than simply complaints against bastard exes or, indeed, any arrogant poseur with a penis. “Kiss My Tiara” is a witty treatise against female complacency, backbiting against other women, foolish nostalgia for non-existent good old days and self-pity that can wreck even the boldest of women. There is advice on getting yourself heard in the boardroom and the political chambers (but not, thankfully, in the bedroom. As Ms. Gilman points out, there are already plenty of magazine articles about how to please your man in bed, thank you very much.).

Certain political and topical references date this book but not terribly so; Ms. Gilman wisely doesn’t dwell on past sexual indiscretions of a certain ex-President. Her thoughts on the future (we’re liberated but we still have a way to go) and clear-eyed vision about the past (what was so terrific about the 1950s anyway?) make this book still meaningful for the modern-day woman. Happiness comes and goes; pick your battles and stick with them; learn to laugh (it baffles the hell out of the enemy and makes them nervous as hell) are just some of the advice she dispenses and I found myself smiling and taking notes. Excellent for the budding teenager and middle-aged matron.

[Charlane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kiss My Tiara: How To Rule the World as a Smartmouth Goddess was entertaining! I loved her honesty, focus on laughter and ALL of her grandma's quotes. It was also refreshing to hear her speak of other women..."offering inspiration, wit and tools for intelligent resistance".

My favorite take away was "happiness is not a commodity". Happiness comes and goes.


Right before finishing the final chapter I read an article about Women's Rights in Afghanistan and how their rights are not changing. The women and girls are still unable to go outside their home without permission from a male, unable to deny their husband, women are still sold, beaten or killed if caught leaving an abusive husband and gang raped in front of family members as peace offerings. My heart truly hurts for women that face these acts and for all women not free. So with these thoughts fresh in my mind I finished reading the last chapter. I was not laughing as I had throughout the other chapters instead I was grateful for having freedom and choices. Gilman ended the book perfectly with another quote from her grandma, "The world will be more heartbreaking than you know, and more beautiful than you'll ever imagine."