- Manny, excuse me for dropping in on you like this, but I've got an offer you really need to listen to.
- Not interested.
- Don't you even want to know what it is first?
- No.
- You're sure?
- I'm sure. Who are you anyway?
- Ah, just call me Meph.
- Meph?
- Meph. It's short for--
- Meph. So what do you want?
- Well, your immortal soul. Basically.
- And what will I get in return?
- Anything you like. You name it.
- Anything?
- You heard what I said. Money, women, whatever.
- Not buying.
- Okay, not money or women. What do you want then?
- I know this might sound crazy--
- Manny, I've heard everything. You can't surprise me. Shoot.
- I - I want to make a difference. I want to create a better world.
- Well, why didn't you say so at once? That's pretty common. How would you like to do it?
- Ah--
- I notice you spend a lot of time hanging out on Goodreads telling people what they ought to think. That's working out?
- I have a few thousand followers.
- I can give you a million more.
- Not enough.
- Ten million.
- Still not enough. Goodreads just isn't serious.
- Twitter?
- Not Twitter either.
- Okay, how would you like to do it?
- I'd, ah, I'd like to be a successful author.
- Successful author. No problem. You'll be on the New York Times bestseller list before you know it.
- But I want the critics to like my books too!
- Critical success. Mm-hm. You could win the Man Booker perhaps?
- Too downmarket.
- The Nobel?
- Irrevocably tarnished.
- The Goncourt? That's still kind of classy.
- Okay, I'll take the Goncourt...
- Done.
- ... twice.
- But the rules say you can only win it once.
- You told me anything I wanted.
- Yeah, yeah. No problem. We'll work something out. So, are we finished?
- No way! We're just getting started. Look, I've changed my mind about the money and women. I mean, it's not so much that I want them for themselves, but people take you more seriously when you're rich and--
- It's okay. You don't need to explain. So, you'll be rich. Easy. How about the women?
- I'd like to be married to an A-list movie star.
- Any particular kind?
- Well, smart of course. And, ah, it's not that I'm ageist or lookist or anything, but I'd like her to be about twenty-five years younger than me. It's just that I want people to--
- I keep telling you, you really don't need to explain.
- Uh, yes. Of course. So, er, someone like Reese Witherspoon. If she's available.
- Mm-hm. Reese Witherspoon, check availability. Fine. Is that it?
- Ah, well, yes... no, wait! It won't work. It's already too late. The world is too fucked up. I'd really need to have done this fifty years ago.
- No problem. Fifty years ago. So, shall we say 1968?
- What? That's possible?
- Time travel is one of our specialities.
- I need contacts too.
- Any particular kind of contacts?
- I want a broad range. Top-level politicians of course. Intellectuals, show-business, goes without saying. But also underground organisers.
- How about guys in the Black Power movement? Just a suggestion.
- I like it! If only that had come out better, everything could have been different.
- I'm glad we're finding common ground here. We take pride in giving our clients exactly what they want, no more, no less.
- Look, this is just a random thought, but if I'm going back to 1968 I'd like to stop Bobby Kennedy from being assassinated.
- And how would you do that?
- All I need to do is give him a clear warning. He'd listen.
- Mm-hm, warning to Bobby Kennedy. Check.
- This is all on the level, right? Some people--
- Manny, don't believe them. I always tell the truth. As Dustin Hoffman says in Hook, it's much more fun. Now, let me see: best-selling author, Prix Goncourt twice, money, married to smart, sexy young movie star, time travel to 1968, contacts with high-level politicians, intellectuals, Hollywood and Black Power organisers, warning to Bobby Kennedy. Anything else?
- Heck, if it's 1968, why not give me a distinguished war record too?
- Battle of Britain fighter pilot?
- Perfect!
- Done?
- Done.
- Great. Now just sign here. I recommend using a pin rather than a knife.
- Uh--
- Look, are we agreed or not? If there's anything else you want, just name it.
- Uh, we're agreed. Okay. Right, there you are.
- In triplicate, if you don't mind.
- Okay, okay. Two... three... finished.
- It's been a pleasure. So, in a moment I'm going to snap my fingers, and when you wake up it'll be 1968 and you'll be Romain Gary.
- Who?
- Bwa-ha-ha-ha. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...