Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships

by Ashley Stanford

First published in 2002. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Relationships, Psychology, Aspergers, Mental Health, Health

288 pages, Paperback

First published November 15, 2002

Reviews

[Becca Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book saved my marriage. Ashley explains what is going on from both perspectives, and ways to cope. She really helped me understand why my husband did/said the things he did. It allowed me to regain my own empathy for my husband and forgive him, and forgive myself for the way we had been blindly stumbing around in the dark not understanding the damage we were causing to each other. Invaluable information!

[Rebecca Bradley · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can tell that this book was written with a lot of love and care and with the best of intentions. The author wants neuro-typical adults and adults on the autism spectrum who are in relationships, to maintain healthy and long-living relationships. The book chapters are managed around the diagnostic criteria and there is a lot of great advice and personal stories to back up the advice.provided. It also states at the end that the authors husband who is on the autistic spectrum read every word and edited the book for her. He now even quotes it back at her when they fail to communicate properly about something.
The thing that made me feel slightly uneasy when reading this was the way she referred to the person she was referring to as (ASD) so she would describe her husband as he, then in brackets (ASD) which we already knew and it was not only getting tiresome, but was starting to feel as though she saw people with this disorder as a different species. They were identified at every possible point.
I didn't read this book because I am in a relationship or because I am on the spectrum.
Before writing this review and with my previous niggling concerns, I did read some reviews on Goodreads, which were glowing in the main, because she does offer great practical advice, but there was a review from someone who was on the disorder spectrum who felt that she had hoped the book would be a bit more balanced and offer her help in understanding her neuro-typical partner.
And this is where my concern jumps in. A relationship is a two way affair, both parties need help and support understanding the differences that arise in such a relationship. A bit more balance would not have gone astray.

With thanks to the author, publisher and Netgalley for my review copy.

[RoseB · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting.

[Lili · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for a review.

You can clearly tell that a lot of love and research went into this book, and I respect that immensely. I am sure it would be a wonderful resource for someone in a relationship with someone who has Aspberger's. Sadly this book let me down, I was hoping that it would not only help a NT person with dealing with an Aspie's many quirks and trials, but also help an Aspie deal with their NT partner. There are plenty of examples of behavior and such from an Aspie's perspective, and it is comforting to read, but I really wish there was a little more balance.

This is just my own personal gripe, probably the only arguments and relationship problems I have with my long term boyfriend, is due to my Asperger's and the difficulties it causes. While my boyfriend mostly can figure out ways to help me and by extension him, work through problems, I often find myself wondering 'what can I do' and not having answers.

I did get some great ideas from the section on sensory dysfunction, a lot of my meltdowns are a result of too much sensory feedback, so the advice on how to work with sensory feedback on how to make it sensual will be very helpful.

Overall I did enjoy reading this book, it was a bit comforting seeing examples of other people who have some of the same problems as me and knowing there are plenty of people in the world who want to love their aspies. I do recommend it for NT people who wish to understand and help their aspie partners.

[Camilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a life-changer for me. It's quite a narrowly focused book; it's appeal is not going to be universal by any means; but it was exactly what I needed in a tough spot. I had been married only a few years, and an inexplicable breach between me and the husband I loved and was becoming wider and wider. All my efforts to close it seemed only to widen it, including professional counseling. This book gave me understanding of the problem and some suggestions on what I can do. I was alone, and it gave me community, despairing, and it gave me hope. Thank you, Ashley Stanford!

[Laureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone delving into relationship issues that they can make no sense out of because you get along with everybody and have been applauded for your wisdom, this book may help. I only found out late in my married life about Aspergers Syndrome and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t going mad. Of course we have to give up a lot on the scale of “ normality” bust AS people have what most people lack. Loyalty is high on that list. There are many other pluses but you will know about them also. This book explains in detail the ins and outs of a different way of thinking. I have read a lot of books on this subject but this is one of the better researched ones with a bibliography to boot. Enjoy.

[Skye · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hey this thing is my new Bible and is single handedly saving my sanity :)

[Mez Dee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe some people find this helpful. It wasn't for me.

[Jan hex etc · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd like to give it 3.5 stars ideally - it is a good book, and I appreciate how the author has set everything out in an orderly, almost clinical fashion, describing the different facets of aspie behaviour (and the effects on the relationship) separately. Clearly a lot of good thought and effort went into it, but it is not a technical book. It is not based on much research, only anecodtal evidence, personal experience and some reports from friends it seems. In fact many of the sections describe the possibilities of things, without actually offering a solution or any concrete facts. I do think it's good food for thought though, even if my experience disagrees with some of her findings. A lot of what she writes about can be true for some aspies, but it is not definitive. There is however some healthy advice, and it can be "comforting" for partners of aspies to read. I would perhaps recommend it as an introductory text, especially if the diagnosis is fairly recent.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm pursuing graduate coursework related to autism and special education with plans to pursue a master's in ABA. From personal and professional experience, I'm also really interested in adults with AS and how differences impact personal relationships (work, friendship, dating/marriage). This was an insightful book written by a neurotypical woman married to a man with AS. It addresses some of the challenges AS can present in intimate relationships.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most practical books I have ever read on Asperger's Syndrome. Gives specific indicators of the condition in non-diagnosed adults as well as strategies to overcome flaws in communication between spouses or within families.

[Sherry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book for those in a relationship with a mate diagnosed with Asperger's. It explains a great deal and has given me the understanding I need to cope with Asperger-related issues.

[Stephanie Stefun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a useful book for those who have an AS spouse. I will be reading it again with a highlighter and a notebook as there were helpful tools for me and one I will be sharing with my spouse to get his take on how he relates to the examples in the book so I can better understand him.

[Sandee Clemons · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books out there to explain how the autistic views life and relationships. I would recommend this to anyone that has an autistic in the family.

[Lezlee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Low content.

[Noonie · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCELLENT RESOURCE-FINALLY SOME REAL INSIGHT...AHA MOMENT FOR ME...
WILL LEND

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good job even if written by an NT ;)

[Cassy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my aspie Bible.