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Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to ever invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children of all ages to tell their own stories about their child’s gender transition. Often “transitioning” socially and emotionally alongside their child but rarely given a voice in the experience, mothers hold the key to familial and societal understanding of gender difference. Sharing stories of love, struggle, and acceptance, this collection of mother's voices, representing a diversity of backgrounds and sexual orientations, affirms the experience of those who have raised and are currently raising transgender and gender variant children between the ages of 5-50. Edited by Rachel Pepper, a gender specialist and co-author of the acclaimed book The Transgender Child , Transitions of the Heart will prove an invaluable resource for parents coming to terms with a child’s gender variance or transition.
141 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
September 20, 2012
I just finished reading this book, in less than two days! I could go on and on about how great it was, but I will let the below email I just sent to the editor (pretty much the first one I've ever sent to the author of a book I loved) speak for me.
Dear Rachel Pepper,
I just finished reading your book, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, in two sittings. Your book is amazing, I thank you for sitting down with so many mothers and listening to their stories. Let me be honest, I picked up your book at our public library during one of my routine searches for books on transgender lives, queer theory, etc.. I've found that the public library's very short list of resources does little to quench my need/desire to find books that help me come to understand my own identity as a transguy and remind me that I am not alone. So, needless to say, I was ecstatic to find yours in the "New Arrivals" section, undoubtedly the very first one to check it out as the pages and binding were still crisp, begging to be read.
Reading your book has given me a better sense of the things my own mother felt when she learned I was transgender, a better understanding of her reaction and the dilemma (though that word has much more deeper meaning) in letting one's child live the way they are happiest, and wishing for the child you think you had when you first hold them in your arms. Each story touched me in their own way; Dana Lane's story, especially, as I am recent friends with her son (what a small world!) and practically called him up at 3am in the morning to yell at him for not having told me about his mom's stardom, haha.
When I look back at my own transition story still in the making I have a new appreciation for my parents. I am better able to understand where they were/continue to be coming from, the fears my mother could have had, and a better understanding that although presenting male (urgh, there needs to be a better term/concept for that) with a short (though growing!) beard and deeper voice, that the female pronouns and old name she continues to call me by are less of a sign of resentment and anger, and more of a mother learning, slowly, and struggling with acceptance. One day, I hope she does realize that I am the person I've always been, and my outside now simply reflects that.
What I've taken a few paragraphs (and could go on and on for eons about) and hopefully not too much of your time to say is that I am really, really, really thankful for your book. I know that anyone who picks it up will be changed forever by hearing those stories and there are countless, countless transgender and gender variant self identified people, as well as their mothers, family members, and others they come into contact with, that are/will be eternally grateful for your book.
Thank you very much for your book. You're a hero.
Dear Rachel Pepper,
I just finished reading your book, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, in two sittings. Your book is amazing, I thank you for sitting down with so many mothers and listening to their stories. Let me be honest, I picked up your book at our public library during one of my routine searches for books on transgender lives, queer theory, etc.. I've found that the public library's very short list of resources does little to quench my need/desire to find books that help me come to understand my own identity as a transguy and remind me that I am not alone. So, needless to say, I was ecstatic to find yours in the "New Arrivals" section, undoubtedly the very first one to check it out as the pages and binding were still crisp, begging to be read.
Reading your book has given me a better sense of the things my own mother felt when she learned I was transgender, a better understanding of her reaction and the dilemma (though that word has much more deeper meaning) in letting one's child live the way they are happiest, and wishing for the child you think you had when you first hold them in your arms. Each story touched me in their own way; Dana Lane's story, especially, as I am recent friends with her son (what a small world!) and practically called him up at 3am in the morning to yell at him for not having told me about his mom's stardom, haha.
When I look back at my own transition story still in the making I have a new appreciation for my parents. I am better able to understand where they were/continue to be coming from, the fears my mother could have had, and a better understanding that although presenting male (urgh, there needs to be a better term/concept for that) with a short (though growing!) beard and deeper voice, that the female pronouns and old name she continues to call me by are less of a sign of resentment and anger, and more of a mother learning, slowly, and struggling with acceptance. One day, I hope she does realize that I am the person I've always been, and my outside now simply reflects that.
What I've taken a few paragraphs (and could go on and on for eons about) and hopefully not too much of your time to say is that I am really, really, really thankful for your book. I know that anyone who picks it up will be changed forever by hearing those stories and there are countless, countless transgender and gender variant self identified people, as well as their mothers, family members, and others they come into contact with, that are/will be eternally grateful for your book.
Thank you very much for your book. You're a hero.
September 17, 2012
This book was okay, while it might be helpful to a parent of a transgender or gender variant child or someone with no knowledge of transgender issues, for me there was no new information. The authors are typically not authors by career and so the writing style is sometimes lacking. Also, there are so many stories in this one book that it becomes a bit repetitive. I think I would have preferred a memoir style book with one (or two or three) more detailed stories rather than a book with 32 stories all told. For me at least, someone who is interested in the topic and not a parent or transperson myself, it really wasn't that enjoyable. If you are interested in the topic, I would recommend "She's not There" by Jennifer Finney Boylan.
October 8, 2015
My sister, parent to a transboy teenager, recommended this book. This 'slice of life' from multiple mothers of transgender children gives the reader great insight into ways parents manage this often unforeseen life event. Many of the tales are similar, but there is enough in each one to differentiate it from the rest.
It was a bit like reading about parents of teenage children: although much of the material is familiar, every teenager is a world onto him/herself. So the stories are always interesting (particularly if you are a parent to an adolescent!).
It has been a sublime education to learn more about this new 'segment' of society. Just when I thought I knew everything, Life turns around to stun and amaze me.
It was a bit like reading about parents of teenage children: although much of the material is familiar, every teenager is a world onto him/herself. So the stories are always interesting (particularly if you are a parent to an adolescent!).
It has been a sublime education to learn more about this new 'segment' of society. Just when I thought I knew everything, Life turns around to stun and amaze me.
June 7, 2012
I settled down yesterday afternoon to peruse Transitions of the Heart and couldn’t put it down until the sun set. Each of the stories in this collection compound the unifying message of the book--love your child unconditionally, whether they conform to society’s (and your) expectations or not. The essays come from a wide range of individuals with varying experience with writing, but even the most simply written stories sing with voices that resound with truth, strength, and transformational love. I was delighted at the diversity Rachel Pepper collected here: varying religious, ethnic, and socio-economic backgrounds, childhood upbringings, and parenting styles. And the perspective is unique as well. The stories come from the mothers, rather than the children. While this area of literature is still very new, most books are about the experiences of trans* and gender variant individuals, and not from the perspective of the families and parents who must learn to accept and support, or lose their child.
As a queer woman and trans ally, reading this book was both poignantly painful and a spiritual tonic. I welcomed the bravery of these women to fight their fears for the sake of their children and to share their experiences with the world, so that more people can educate themselves and understand the struggle for survival and validation so many transgender and gender variant children go through. I also hope this book will find itself in the hands of other parents who are struggling in the same ways, and that it will give them hope and strength.
As a queer woman and trans ally, reading this book was both poignantly painful and a spiritual tonic. I welcomed the bravery of these women to fight their fears for the sake of their children and to share their experiences with the world, so that more people can educate themselves and understand the struggle for survival and validation so many transgender and gender variant children go through. I also hope this book will find itself in the hands of other parents who are struggling in the same ways, and that it will give them hope and strength.
February 7, 2024
Longer review - sorry!
I found this book by chance at a secondhand store. I bought it to show my mom. I thought it might help to see some words from other parents who have shared a similar experience in having transgender children, since she has struggled for a few years trying to understand my situation (although she is getting better at it these days). English is her second language, so I read it on my own first to make sure she would be able to comprehend most of what she was reading.
I read each parent's story one (or two) at a time over the course of several nights. I ended up crying a little because a lot of these mothers initially had the same skeptical reaction that my mom had when I first told her years ago. But they described coming to terms with it over time, getting used to new names, nouns, and pronouns... the trouble it took to get there, the frustration they felt at not knowing where to start with research, the disagreements they had... and the eventual acceptance when they realized they cared about their children above all else, no matter what gender they turned out to be. Some of the pronoun usage was confusing (describing their children before and after coming out) but that's to be expected in a book like this. You can really tell they're trying. Like some other reviewers said, my only real criticism is that I wish there were stories from fathers too.
I thought it was kind of funny how I bought this book in the hopes that it would help my mom understand me better, but it was actually me who ended up getting a better glimpse of her perspective. It was relatable and seeing all these parents' love for their children seep through the pages gave me hope that things will work out with my own parents when it comes to my need to go further in transitioning.
Anyway, it's a beautiful collection of stories. I learned a lot about my mom's side and I hope she'll like to learn more about mine. Please give it a read! :)
I found this book by chance at a secondhand store. I bought it to show my mom. I thought it might help to see some words from other parents who have shared a similar experience in having transgender children, since she has struggled for a few years trying to understand my situation (although she is getting better at it these days). English is her second language, so I read it on my own first to make sure she would be able to comprehend most of what she was reading.
I read each parent's story one (or two) at a time over the course of several nights. I ended up crying a little because a lot of these mothers initially had the same skeptical reaction that my mom had when I first told her years ago. But they described coming to terms with it over time, getting used to new names, nouns, and pronouns... the trouble it took to get there, the frustration they felt at not knowing where to start with research, the disagreements they had... and the eventual acceptance when they realized they cared about their children above all else, no matter what gender they turned out to be. Some of the pronoun usage was confusing (describing their children before and after coming out) but that's to be expected in a book like this. You can really tell they're trying. Like some other reviewers said, my only real criticism is that I wish there were stories from fathers too.
I thought it was kind of funny how I bought this book in the hopes that it would help my mom understand me better, but it was actually me who ended up getting a better glimpse of her perspective. It was relatable and seeing all these parents' love for their children seep through the pages gave me hope that things will work out with my own parents when it comes to my need to go further in transitioning.
Anyway, it's a beautiful collection of stories. I learned a lot about my mom's side and I hope she'll like to learn more about mine. Please give it a read! :)
January 28, 2022
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
I picked this book up from the library because I needed a good cry. I expected comparing these wonderful mothers to my not-so-wonderful mother would help me out, but instead I found out I knew a few of the people being talked about (which was both funny and aggravating) and that what is seen as accepting may not always be accepting.
First, I knew a few of the people which was really funny at first until I got to a story that I knew really well from the child’s point of view. The mother didn’t seem distressed enough to fit some of the actions I know she has done to her child, but that may mean she has grown and is really trying to be there. I really hope that she is as adjusted and supportive as she said and sounds. Then there was one that I felt like throwing the book. The mother started out saying she doesn’t believe in gay rights and then she goes into saying she wishes her child never came out, but she would be there for her child. So in effect she is lying and doesn’t actually accept her child (this may be a harsh assessment of this mother, but over time this not actually being supportive of her child’s true identity will show if she isn’t able to jump on board). This hit really close to home and made me angry that this story was included in all these other wonderful stories about actually accepting your child even if that acceptance was hard to come by.
I really did appreciate that the mothers were being honest about how hard the journey was for them and how they felt when their child came out as trans. It good to see that I wasn’t alone in my experiences of trying to raise my mother and educate her during my transition, but I am happier that these mothers actually came to accept their child (well, most of the mothers).
What this book lacked in technical writing skills it made up for with massive amounts of heart. I came close to crying a few times over these stories that were relatively short, but then I would get angry again about what one mother would say. The one theme that kept coming up was that the parent would mourn the loss of their child and they then said they loved their “new” child. I was getting really frustrated at this view, but then multiple mothers in a row at the end of the book flat out said “I didn’t lose my child, instead I finally saw my child happy” (not a direct quote, but pretty darn close). Most of these mothers I would praise, even the antagonistic one who was writing a letter who called out trans people who were pushing her to help her child transition. No surprise that trans people would understand her child’s wish to transition better than she did, it is not supposed to be on her schedule but instead on the child’s. Though the mother did point out that she only ask the child to wait for a safer area, but when you are trans your whole life may feel wrapped up in your gender when you are told “no, wait until I say it is OK to be who you really are”. It is a tough situation and most of these mothers handled it perfectly from the very start. Some grew into handling the situation amazingly. Some, well one, will be taking longer roads to handling this situation.
I am very appreciative that these mothers have stepped up and told their stories, not their children’s stories. It was always about how they felt and how they handled things. They made sure to focus on their experiences. These mothers are brave and I wish them all of the happiness they can handle.
I picked this book up from the library because I needed a good cry. I expected comparing these wonderful mothers to my not-so-wonderful mother would help me out, but instead I found out I knew a few of the people being talked about (which was both funny and aggravating) and that what is seen as accepting may not always be accepting.
First, I knew a few of the people which was really funny at first until I got to a story that I knew really well from the child’s point of view. The mother didn’t seem distressed enough to fit some of the actions I know she has done to her child, but that may mean she has grown and is really trying to be there. I really hope that she is as adjusted and supportive as she said and sounds. Then there was one that I felt like throwing the book. The mother started out saying she doesn’t believe in gay rights and then she goes into saying she wishes her child never came out, but she would be there for her child. So in effect she is lying and doesn’t actually accept her child (this may be a harsh assessment of this mother, but over time this not actually being supportive of her child’s true identity will show if she isn’t able to jump on board). This hit really close to home and made me angry that this story was included in all these other wonderful stories about actually accepting your child even if that acceptance was hard to come by.
I really did appreciate that the mothers were being honest about how hard the journey was for them and how they felt when their child came out as trans. It good to see that I wasn’t alone in my experiences of trying to raise my mother and educate her during my transition, but I am happier that these mothers actually came to accept their child (well, most of the mothers).
What this book lacked in technical writing skills it made up for with massive amounts of heart. I came close to crying a few times over these stories that were relatively short, but then I would get angry again about what one mother would say. The one theme that kept coming up was that the parent would mourn the loss of their child and they then said they loved their “new” child. I was getting really frustrated at this view, but then multiple mothers in a row at the end of the book flat out said “I didn’t lose my child, instead I finally saw my child happy” (not a direct quote, but pretty darn close). Most of these mothers I would praise, even the antagonistic one who was writing a letter who called out trans people who were pushing her to help her child transition. No surprise that trans people would understand her child’s wish to transition better than she did, it is not supposed to be on her schedule but instead on the child’s. Though the mother did point out that she only ask the child to wait for a safer area, but when you are trans your whole life may feel wrapped up in your gender when you are told “no, wait until I say it is OK to be who you really are”. It is a tough situation and most of these mothers handled it perfectly from the very start. Some grew into handling the situation amazingly. Some, well one, will be taking longer roads to handling this situation.
I am very appreciative that these mothers have stepped up and told their stories, not their children’s stories. It was always about how they felt and how they handled things. They made sure to focus on their experiences. These mothers are brave and I wish them all of the happiness they can handle.
May 12, 2016
This book contains 32 essays written by mothers of transgender children. I highly recommend it for anyone who has a transgender friend or family member; anyone who has a friend with a transgender family member; anyone who wants to better understand how the families of transgender people cope and feel. We live in a time when there is hatred and fear for the transgender community. The political ideology is combative and fractious with many preaching an agenda that promotes prejudice, anger and fear for the transgender community. In my opinion the best way to understand an issue - any issue - is to thoroughly research it. If you have any desire to comprehend more, this is a lovely and easy to read compilation which is a good place to start.
I will tell you with honesty that somebody I love has recently come out to me as female to male transgender. I love this person. I am confused and struggling. But my love is paramount and so my desire is to better understand, to lose the confusion, to stop struggling and to love him even more than I loved her. He needs me more now than ever and I plan to be accessible and loving. Rachel Pepper said this: "These mothers have learned how to advocate for their children and themselves. By speaking out here, they are blazing a brave trail for others to follow." I plan to follow that brave trail.
The grammar, writing style and construction of these essays are not always - or even often - worthy of 5 stars. These women are not writers. However, their open, frank, and honest retelling of their journeys warrant the 5 star ranking in my opinion.
I will tell you with honesty that somebody I love has recently come out to me as female to male transgender. I love this person. I am confused and struggling. But my love is paramount and so my desire is to better understand, to lose the confusion, to stop struggling and to love him even more than I loved her. He needs me more now than ever and I plan to be accessible and loving. Rachel Pepper said this: "These mothers have learned how to advocate for their children and themselves. By speaking out here, they are blazing a brave trail for others to follow." I plan to follow that brave trail.
The grammar, writing style and construction of these essays are not always - or even often - worthy of 5 stars. These women are not writers. However, their open, frank, and honest retelling of their journeys warrant the 5 star ranking in my opinion.
September 14, 2015
I had some quibbles with this book. The biggest one is that it doesn't include stories from fathers. In fact, within the stories themselves, if there are fathers or female partners, they don't exist. It's like the only people alive are the mother and her children. Yes, mothers are important, but so are fathers! Or other partners. I would have liked to know where they were.
And I'm sure fathers would have important things to say in a book like this. I wish they had been included. So often fathers get left out of parenting as if they don't matter, don't do the parenting in the family, or can't do the parenting right because they're not women. Ugh. That irritates me to no end. Anyway, I wish there had been stories told from a father's perspective.
Also, these stories felt very repetitive. I stopped reading because they were basically all the same by the halfway point. As another reviewer suggested, I think this would have been better had it been 4 in depth stories rather than 32 short ones. Four is good. Two fathers and two mothers.
I consider myself gender neutral, which falls under the trans* umbrella, so I wanted to read this because of that. I'm a bit sad that I couldn't get into this as much as I'd wanted.
And I'm sure fathers would have important things to say in a book like this. I wish they had been included. So often fathers get left out of parenting as if they don't matter, don't do the parenting in the family, or can't do the parenting right because they're not women. Ugh. That irritates me to no end. Anyway, I wish there had been stories told from a father's perspective.
Also, these stories felt very repetitive. I stopped reading because they were basically all the same by the halfway point. As another reviewer suggested, I think this would have been better had it been 4 in depth stories rather than 32 short ones. Four is good. Two fathers and two mothers.
I consider myself gender neutral, which falls under the trans* umbrella, so I wanted to read this because of that. I'm a bit sad that I couldn't get into this as much as I'd wanted.
March 17, 2016
I read a lot of books to disconnect & escape. Cozy mysteries & such.
This book I picked up to re-engage. It's a disruptive political time right now & I wanted to set that drama aside but still read about real people. It also feels so important to be an effective advocate & ally which can only happen if I get educated.
These weren't all easy stories to hear, but they did have hope & support & love & truth in them. I enjoyed that honesty.
Listening to the audio-book reinforced the first person narration, which was very powerful. Except - the narrator mispronounced Oregon. Several stories had people from Oregon, & hearing them say Oh-Ree-gone (It's Or-uh-gun) was jarring & pulled me out of the moment.
Other than that, the narration was lovely.
This compassionate book would be good read for anyone - extend that circle of support for a non-binary gender world view.
This book I picked up to re-engage. It's a disruptive political time right now & I wanted to set that drama aside but still read about real people. It also feels so important to be an effective advocate & ally which can only happen if I get educated.
These weren't all easy stories to hear, but they did have hope & support & love & truth in them. I enjoyed that honesty.
Listening to the audio-book reinforced the first person narration, which was very powerful. Except - the narrator mispronounced Oregon. Several stories had people from Oregon, & hearing them say Oh-Ree-gone (It's Or-uh-gun) was jarring & pulled me out of the moment.
Other than that, the narration was lovely.
This compassionate book would be good read for anyone - extend that circle of support for a non-binary gender world view.
March 29, 2021
I actually bought this book for a friend of mine, who's child is gender non conforming, and who is having a difficult time understanding this new part of her child's life. Of course, I wouldn't give someone a book without reading it first. It's a short read; an anthology, written exclusively by mothers, of non-professional essays. Some were profoundly moving, some I skimmed through, all carried an important message about the unconditional love between a mother and her child.
This book is not always "correct" - the mothers in this book did not always respond perfectly to their children coming out. Perhaps they still are not responding perfectly. The strength of this book is in it's imperfection, in the ability of these mothers to overcome their preconceived notions of who their child should be, of what society expect them to be, and to allow their children to just be as they are.
From the book: "God loves all his children. We can do no less."
This book is not always "correct" - the mothers in this book did not always respond perfectly to their children coming out. Perhaps they still are not responding perfectly. The strength of this book is in it's imperfection, in the ability of these mothers to overcome their preconceived notions of who their child should be, of what society expect them to be, and to allow their children to just be as they are.
From the book: "God loves all his children. We can do no less."
February 16, 2022
I am transgender mtf, I’m in a sober living and just recently celebrated one year sober. My family is religious and that is how I was raised, I didn’t start transitioning till I was 31 and I’m 33 today. This book as raw and beautiful as it is opened my eyes to my mothers grief. I feel sometimes wanting to save everyone in my family from their feelings, but I know as I transition so too does everyone else around me. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to see through my mothers eyes, and to feel what she feels. This is absolutely amazing book if your looking for a different point of view in an enlightened sense of a mothers lover for their child.
October 5, 2016
I took my time with this. I don't know why, but I now have a BIG interest with this topic now. Seeing how parents react to their transgender children is very eye-opening. To be honest, I was on the close-minded side of this fence. I don't know what made me decide to look deeper into transgender stuff, but I'm glad I did.
This book is beautiful.
This book is beautiful.
May 7, 2019
Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children is a collection of personal essays assembled and edited by Rachel Pepper. It is an anthology of personal essays about the experiences of mothers of transgender and gender variant children.
For the most part, I really like these contributions. Thirty-two different mothers from different walks of life, status, and sexuality, tells their story about their transgendered or gender variant children and how they reacted and eventually accept it. The contributors also cover the many definitions of mother from adoptive, single, and step-mothers.
Like most anthologies, there are weaker contributions and Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children is no exception. However, it is not the content of the essays that was particularly bad, but the fact that most of these mothers are not professional writers and it shows, but the candor of their journeys are conveyed bravely and well. This collection of essays ran the gauntlet of experiences as everyone is different, but the love, struggle, and acceptance is a common theme throughout.
All in all, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children is a wonderful collection of personal essays, which tells the relationship of mothers and their transgendered or gender variant children, which is deeply personal and an invaluable and inspirational resource.
For the most part, I really like these contributions. Thirty-two different mothers from different walks of life, status, and sexuality, tells their story about their transgendered or gender variant children and how they reacted and eventually accept it. The contributors also cover the many definitions of mother from adoptive, single, and step-mothers.
Like most anthologies, there are weaker contributions and Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children is no exception. However, it is not the content of the essays that was particularly bad, but the fact that most of these mothers are not professional writers and it shows, but the candor of their journeys are conveyed bravely and well. This collection of essays ran the gauntlet of experiences as everyone is different, but the love, struggle, and acceptance is a common theme throughout.
All in all, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children is a wonderful collection of personal essays, which tells the relationship of mothers and their transgendered or gender variant children, which is deeply personal and an invaluable and inspirational resource.
May 12, 2017
Before I started this book, I assumed all the stories would be from the perspective of mothers who have accepted their child's transition. This was not the case. Some of the mothers were bitter and in a few cases, almost hurtful with the way they described their situation. That being said, the majority of the essays were very positive and amazing to read. I think the book does a good job describing the emotional journey of being close to someone who is transgender. Most of the authors are not professionals, so many chapters read like a blog post. Because of the topic and audience, the occasional errors didn't seem to matter. Glad I read it, but I acknowledge that it is not perfect.
April 22, 2018
It's good to read many different mothers' views on the experience of their child coming out as transgender or gender-variant. I think it's good to have such a wide range of experiences because it's going to be different in each person's experience. I wouldn't want to read a book where 30 people had the exact same reaction to an event because that would 1) be fake and 2) not let you feel open to the positive and negative emotions that overwhelm you and 3) be boring.
I was moved to tears reading some of the stories and very interested in each one. We each have a story to tell.
I was moved to tears reading some of the stories and very interested in each one. We each have a story to tell.
November 1, 2017
Good variety of stories of people in the Queer community. I purchased for my mom and step mom when I was coming out.
October 1, 2019
Just not helpful for me.
July 6, 2020
Good book from mothering perspective of transgender teens
November 6, 2020
Highly recommend.
June 4, 2021
Heartwarming stories
I loved reading the stories about the experiences of other families. This book helped me understand my own experience better.
I loved reading the stories about the experiences of other families. This book helped me understand my own experience better.
April 12, 2022
Wonderful read that helped me understand even more about this path. So many things to think about….
October 8, 2025
My heart and thanks go out to the parents who willingly shared their very personal stories of their transgender loved ones. The stories were very moving, and I found myself in tears quite often. This is an insightful read for anyone wishing to know more about the LGBT+ community and how it affects families.
December 19, 2017
This book was touching. Partly, I'm sure because I'm a Transperson myself so I can see myself in every one of the people featured in these stories. It's a very special connection you feel with people (even ones you have never met in the physical world) with whom you share a unique path in life. They understand life as I experience it in a way that other people who don't share our specific plight never could, albeit not through any lack of compassion or understanding on their part.
October 25, 2020
I like to read non-fiction books about topics not covered in other books. This collection of letters from mothers of transgender and gender variant children is such a book, and I think the book will prove helpful to other parents and to others who would like to know more about problems faced by these families. I was glad the book included letters from mothers of twins, too.
January 11, 2015
I found this book in my search for a research poster on library materials, resources, and services for transgender youth. Turns out there’s more than Luna and Parrotfish. Go figure.
This book was one of the quicker reads I’ve had in a long while. Not sure why. There’s little variety in format–some of the stories are short nonfiction essay-stories. Some are more letters, either to their young children or other family members or “To Whom it May Concern” style letters.
And yes, these are all true stories from mothers whose children are transgender or gender variant. So in that sense they are not representative of the full spectrum of transgender people or their allies.
But, for what this book is (which it announces on the cover very plainly, so no surprises there), it does it quite well. The stories are all from mothers who love their children, who have grown to accept and love them, who all want the best for their children and will fight to protect them. Some were very unaccepting at first. Some of their children are still quite young, and some are menopausal-age. Some use a mixture of pronouns that would probably horrify their children. But these mothers are truthful, honest, kind, and mean well. You forgive them their mistakes.
As is often common with parents of transgender children (I’ve done research and majored in women’s studies, but do not have personal life experience and would welcome comments from those who do), they describe a sense of confusion at first, assuming their children are gay or just “going through a phase.” They describe a mourning period for the daughter/son/child they thought they had, before they come to love and accept unconditionally the daughter/son/child they do have. This does not mean these mothers are misguided; they simply don’t know how to deal yet, and are struggling to figure out how to be a good mom.
This book would be really, really helpful for parents of trans people who are just coming out to them, or for trans people who are worried about coming out to their parents. It’s also a nice book to read about good mothers who are loving and care for their children, as opposed to the horror stories you hear about families of LGBTQIA people who are not loving and accepting. So in that sense it’s for everyone.
TL;DR – Sweet, short collection of stories from mothers who have learned to love, accept, and support their children, no matter what age or how gender-variant they may be. A good addition to the collection of materials and resources for/about trans people and their allies. And nice to read when you feel like you hate all people (usually after reading about the WBC or hateful people like that.)
This book was one of the quicker reads I’ve had in a long while. Not sure why. There’s little variety in format–some of the stories are short nonfiction essay-stories. Some are more letters, either to their young children or other family members or “To Whom it May Concern” style letters.
And yes, these are all true stories from mothers whose children are transgender or gender variant. So in that sense they are not representative of the full spectrum of transgender people or their allies.
But, for what this book is (which it announces on the cover very plainly, so no surprises there), it does it quite well. The stories are all from mothers who love their children, who have grown to accept and love them, who all want the best for their children and will fight to protect them. Some were very unaccepting at first. Some of their children are still quite young, and some are menopausal-age. Some use a mixture of pronouns that would probably horrify their children. But these mothers are truthful, honest, kind, and mean well. You forgive them their mistakes.
As is often common with parents of transgender children (I’ve done research and majored in women’s studies, but do not have personal life experience and would welcome comments from those who do), they describe a sense of confusion at first, assuming their children are gay or just “going through a phase.” They describe a mourning period for the daughter/son/child they thought they had, before they come to love and accept unconditionally the daughter/son/child they do have. This does not mean these mothers are misguided; they simply don’t know how to deal yet, and are struggling to figure out how to be a good mom.
This book would be really, really helpful for parents of trans people who are just coming out to them, or for trans people who are worried about coming out to their parents. It’s also a nice book to read about good mothers who are loving and care for their children, as opposed to the horror stories you hear about families of LGBTQIA people who are not loving and accepting. So in that sense it’s for everyone.
TL;DR – Sweet, short collection of stories from mothers who have learned to love, accept, and support their children, no matter what age or how gender-variant they may be. A good addition to the collection of materials and resources for/about trans people and their allies. And nice to read when you feel like you hate all people (usually after reading about the WBC or hateful people like that.)
May 31, 2014
This is a very important book. Why? Because sometimes acceptance can be forgotten when a child is discovered to be "different." But hey, who says different is a bad thing- certainly none of the mothers who have submitted their own personal stories of their experiences to share with you here in this collection!
Upon reading Transitions of the Heart, I can honestly tell you that I have a much broader perspective of motherhood. Though I have never been a mother myself (yet), it's incredibly gratifying to read stories of mothers from all walks of life who can accept their children regardless of their sex or gender. The bond between a mother and child is strong; and this book is just more proof that it has the power to withstand the intolerance and hatred that breeds amongst bigots.
Though the target audience is most likely other mothers of transgender and gender variant children, please don't let that scare you away from the stories Rachel Pepper has gathered and so wonderfully put together.
Upon reading Transitions of the Heart, I can honestly tell you that I have a much broader perspective of motherhood. Though I have never been a mother myself (yet), it's incredibly gratifying to read stories of mothers from all walks of life who can accept their children regardless of their sex or gender. The bond between a mother and child is strong; and this book is just more proof that it has the power to withstand the intolerance and hatred that breeds amongst bigots.
Though the target audience is most likely other mothers of transgender and gender variant children, please don't let that scare you away from the stories Rachel Pepper has gathered and so wonderfully put together.
"These mothers have learned how to advocate for their children and themselves. By speaking out here, they are blazing a brave trail for others to follow."Actions speak louder than words. If you had a gender variant son or daughter, would you still love them and treat them with love and kindness? If you had a trans* child, would you reject them or accept them? What would you do?
April 8, 2015
Two words come to mind after reading these stories, courage and love. LGBT kids, especially transkids are widely rejected by society. These honest and vulnerable stories are written by moms who have tirelessly and passionately worked to create a safe place for their children, despite the hatred, ignorance and rejection by family members, schools, teachers, spiritual communities and uninformed psychologists. As a mom of a transgender child, my heart was encouraged by each story. I cried tears of sorrow as I read the pain unnecessarily inflicted on these innocent children and cried tears of joy as each mom fought back against those who have an utter lack of empathy. I only wish I could have contributed our story, which has been one of absolute, unconditional love and celebration of our strong, talented and confident child.
October 14, 2016
This is a very open, raw, and honest collection of words written by moms of children who are transgender or gender variant. They speak of many things - including their roads to acceptance, the struggles to wrap their heads around their children's pain and desires, as well as their own personal battles of raising a child. There is a ton of diversity here - race, sexual orientation, religion, family configurations - there is a glimpse into many different realms of family that really helps to see the topic from many different views. I loved this book and find it a great resource to share with families who are going through this. By hearing it directly from those who have dealt with it, it brings the human element to the forefront, which is so often left out of textbooks on this topic.
February 21, 2013
This is a collection of essays and letters written by mothers of transgender or gender-nonconforming children. Some of their children transitioned as adults; others were able to verbalize their differences as very young children.
This is an excellent book. The short essays are very real and eye-opening. This is a book that should be in everyone's library as a very necessary resource and source of hope for those who are coming to terms with their own or their loved one's gender identity.
This is an excellent book. The short essays are very real and eye-opening. This is a book that should be in everyone's library as a very necessary resource and source of hope for those who are coming to terms with their own or their loved one's gender identity.
December 30, 2013
There are lots of reassuring insights as well as some challenges among the memoirs in this book. Each memoir is presented straight, without interpretation or additional background. But the women reporting their experiences are sophisticated and have educated themselves well. Therefore, I found this book considerably more useful than another collection of memoirs, Sarah F Pearlman's Mother Talk: Conversations with Mothers of Lesbian Daughters and FTM Transgender Children.
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