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And If I Fall
Jude Connor’s rural Idaho hometown is a place of strong values and high expectations. For those who fit into the local church’s narrow confines, there’s support and fellowship. For those who don’t, there’s ostracism in this life and damnation in the next.
Jude wants desperately to be saved—to believe with the fervor of the charismatic Reverend Amos King, whose sermons are filled with brimstone and righteousness. But every time Jude thinks he’s found the right path, there’s a fork in the road, and Truth seems to be in a different direction.
As much as Jude craves the certainty the church offers, he finds himself at odds with it. Without intentionally rebelling, he befriends Pearl Thornton, considered an unrepentant heathen; he craves the support of Gregory Hart, whose church standing is questionable; and the feelings he has for his friend Tim Olsen make him fear for his own soul. But then Reverend King offers Jude sanctuary, special guidance, and a path into the Light.
Will Reverend King be able to help Jude preserve his place in heaven? Or will the reverend's own demons cause hell to swallow them both? The answer lies in Jude's willingness to follow his own path—even if it leads him far from everything he's known.
[NOTE: This book was previously published as The Revelations of Jude Connor.]
Jude wants desperately to be saved—to believe with the fervor of the charismatic Reverend Amos King, whose sermons are filled with brimstone and righteousness. But every time Jude thinks he’s found the right path, there’s a fork in the road, and Truth seems to be in a different direction.
As much as Jude craves the certainty the church offers, he finds himself at odds with it. Without intentionally rebelling, he befriends Pearl Thornton, considered an unrepentant heathen; he craves the support of Gregory Hart, whose church standing is questionable; and the feelings he has for his friend Tim Olsen make him fear for his own soul. But then Reverend King offers Jude sanctuary, special guidance, and a path into the Light.
Will Reverend King be able to help Jude preserve his place in heaven? Or will the reverend's own demons cause hell to swallow them both? The answer lies in Jude's willingness to follow his own path—even if it leads him far from everything he's known.
[NOTE: This book was previously published as The Revelations of Jude Connor.]
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First published April 30, 2013
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About the author
Robin Reardon
23 books181 followersI'm an inveterate observer of human nature, and my primary writing goal is to create stories about all kinds of people, some of whom happen to be gay or transgender—people whose destinies are not determined solely by their sexual orientation or identity. My secondary writing goal is to introduce readers to concepts or information they might not know very much about. On my website, robinreardon.com, see individual book pages for “Digging Deeper” sections that link to background information and research done for the novel.
My motto is this: The only thing wrong with being gay is how some people treat you when they find out.
Interests outside of writing include singing, nature photography, and the study of comparative religions. I write in a butter yellow study with a view of the Boston, Massachusetts skyline.
My motto is this: The only thing wrong with being gay is how some people treat you when they find out.
Interests outside of writing include singing, nature photography, and the study of comparative religions. I write in a butter yellow study with a view of the Boston, Massachusetts skyline.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
June 12, 2013
Religion can be a contentious issue to write about as it can often come across as melodramatic on the written page, even though it can be accurately reflecting the behaviour of church pastors and their delivery, etc. This is a page-turning book but it is also pretty heavy-handed. Perhaps I would have felt differently if the tacked-on epilogue wasn't in existence. The use of the archaic "my lover" (seriously, a 27 year old using this) and the boring overused jumping crotch at the sight of a lover - jeebus that trope is just becoming ridiculous. Teenagers today should fear being gay because apparently their genitals ARE OUT OF CONTROL. THE REMARKABLE JUMPING COCKS DOMINATE YOUR EVERY FIBRE OF BEING. Crap.
January 5, 2022
Readers of this review may have seen what I have written about other novels by Robin Reardon, that I enjoy her work and rate it highly. Earlier this year I read A question of manhood as part of reading her whole oeuvre and had been deeply moved by that story. In the light of her most recent novels Throwing stones and Waiting for Walker, which I read before starting the chronological overview, I thought I had read her best book. I was wrong.
In The revelations of Jude Connor there is a deeper delving into the psyche of the main character than in her other novels. Perhaps this is because Jude, as member of a tightly knit fundamentalist church in a small town in Idaho, knows that acknowledging his being gay will rip his life apart - and he is not old enough to live through that yet. Life gives him some hard slaps, anyway: left by a father, losing a mother, forging a spiritual ánd practical life amidst many pressures, expectations and possibilities. There are some wonderful people there to steer him and care for him: his brother Lorne, his sister-in-law Clara, Gregory and Dolly Hart, Reverend Amos King ... but he learns that humans, even the saints of his church, are flawed and limited.
Reading this narrative, told by an older and wiser Jude, leaves me breathless. I can hardly praise it more.
Robin Reardon bereik 'n nuwe hoogtepunt in haar oeuvre deur dieper as tevore (en selfs ook sedertdien) in haar hoofkarakter se psige te delf. Jude moet 'n lewe skep te midde van die verlies van twee ouers, die beste bedoelings van sy broer Lorne, en die pad hemel toe soos voorgeskryf deur die hegte fundamentalistiese kerk waaraan hy behoort. Die narratief laat my asemloos. Dit is een van die mees ontroerende boeke wat ek nog ooit gelees het.
In The revelations of Jude Connor there is a deeper delving into the psyche of the main character than in her other novels. Perhaps this is because Jude, as member of a tightly knit fundamentalist church in a small town in Idaho, knows that acknowledging his being gay will rip his life apart - and he is not old enough to live through that yet. Life gives him some hard slaps, anyway: left by a father, losing a mother, forging a spiritual ánd practical life amidst many pressures, expectations and possibilities. There are some wonderful people there to steer him and care for him: his brother Lorne, his sister-in-law Clara, Gregory and Dolly Hart, Reverend Amos King ... but he learns that humans, even the saints of his church, are flawed and limited.
Reading this narrative, told by an older and wiser Jude, leaves me breathless. I can hardly praise it more.
Robin Reardon bereik 'n nuwe hoogtepunt in haar oeuvre deur dieper as tevore (en selfs ook sedertdien) in haar hoofkarakter se psige te delf. Jude moet 'n lewe skep te midde van die verlies van twee ouers, die beste bedoelings van sy broer Lorne, en die pad hemel toe soos voorgeskryf deur die hegte fundamentalistiese kerk waaraan hy behoort. Die narratief laat my asemloos. Dit is een van die mees ontroerende boeke wat ek nog ooit gelees het.
July 3, 2018
First of all, this was an excellent and compelling read. I thoroughly enjoyed traveling through the story with Jude as he grows up in his sheltered little world. His character deals with so many ups and downs and yet, it doesn't feel forced or gratuitous. It feels real. I have always had a soft spot for coming of age stories, and this one does not disappoint. It's hard enough to grow up in this mixed up world, it's even harder when all that you are is everything you've been taught not to be.
Jude's story could be the story of any young man growing up in a restrictive religious environment, but when he realizes that he has feelings that go against every notion of "good" that he has been exposed to in his entire lifetime, he begins to doubt all that he has ever known. His battle between what he knows is right in his heart and what he has been taught is laid out before us in this story, and it is heartbreaking. Reardon does a wonderful job fleshing out these characters and creating a story that is nearly impossible to put down.
I received an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
Jude's story could be the story of any young man growing up in a restrictive religious environment, but when he realizes that he has feelings that go against every notion of "good" that he has been exposed to in his entire lifetime, he begins to doubt all that he has ever known. His battle between what he knows is right in his heart and what he has been taught is laid out before us in this story, and it is heartbreaking. Reardon does a wonderful job fleshing out these characters and creating a story that is nearly impossible to put down.
I received an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
September 6, 2018
Jude belongs to a church that is more like a cult but when his parents die he is forced to deal with life differently.
May 2, 2013
Really good. Maybe more to say later but this was a very moving and complex work about about a gay teenager growing up in a cultlike religious community--it was not at all what I expected.
May 10, 2018
I have read a few books by Robin Reardon and have enjoyed them all. She has a way of writing that draws the reader into an immediate and powerful sensation of being inside the characters she writes, even those who aren’t the main characters. This was never more the case than in And If I Fall.
Ms. Reardon has made every effort to ensure readers understand that this is a re-issue of a previously published book through Kensington Books. The prior title was called The Revelations of Jude Connor. In this book we meet Jude, at the tender age of eleven. He runs away from home and we are thrust into his battle with trying to figure out where he belongs. Living in a strict community where the rules of how to live and worship will make the difference between gaining entrance to Heaven or suffering the condemnation of eternal suffering in Hell, Jude faced, perhaps, one of the greatest struggles a young man can face. He is gay and knows God doesn’t approve.
Through his journey, Jude encounters several people, all of whom have a profound impact on his life and his experiences. While there are too many to review here, Reardon does a wonderful job of illustrating the struggle as Jude tries to reconcile his inner messages about who he is (and who others are…or who he thinks they should be) versus the reality of how he is. At the heart of all this struggle are several deep questions:
The one caution I would provide to readers who want to experience this book is that it is a commitment to read. Ms. Reardon has taken great pains to ensure that each scene serves a purpose. There is no room for skimming. To truly understand Jude’s journey, one must go on it with him, through each thought, observation, and fear. Only then can you emerge triumphant at the end.
At the heart of this story is the strict religious beliefs of the community where Jude lives. Within this environment, there is a very narrow path leading to God’s grace in Heaven, with many, many off-roads of temptation which could lead you straight to the gates of Hell. Anyone not considered part of the Church (Saints) are pagans. They are going to Hell. Anyone who is gay is going to Hell. Anyone who turns away from the church, breaks its rules, or basically strays in any way whatsoever risks the burning of their soul for all eternity. Salvation comes from living God’s truth, and that truth comes in the form of what the Church says.
For those readers who live in a community like this, And If I Fall will be an extremely personal journey. For others, it is an honest and beautiful/disturbing look into what life is like for people who have strict religious beliefs and practices.
The first half of the book took me a while to get through. Each chapter left me thinking and I had to put the book down and process what was happening. But once I hit the midpoint, the story kind of gelled and I was able to move at a faster pace. There are many different storylines, and they don’t really converge except for through Jude’s eyes. It is only when some shocking truths are revealed that the many storylines begin to weave together, and the overarching message begins to shine through.
After concluding the book, I reached out to Ms. Reardon to ask her a question. I’ve noticed she’s written a few books which examine the impact of strict religious beliefs on the development of gay individuals (coming of age) and the ultimate acceptance or sad rejection of that natural aspect of being human. Sexuality and sexual identity are at war in some of her books, when stringent religious rules come into play, and Ms. Reardon is one of the most talented writers I’ve read to share this experience with readers.
Here is what she responded when I asked, “What is your personal relationship with this type of religious belief and practice as it pertains to your writing?”
“Too many people follow religion as though the tactics (thou shalt, thou shalt not) are sacred. Scripture quotes Jesus as saying (paraphrasing, here): “Whenever love and law conflict, love wins. Period.” If God is love, then that is what is sacred. Law must lose in any conflict, and law itself is not sacred.”
Reviewed by Taz for The Novel Approach
Ms. Reardon has made every effort to ensure readers understand that this is a re-issue of a previously published book through Kensington Books. The prior title was called The Revelations of Jude Connor. In this book we meet Jude, at the tender age of eleven. He runs away from home and we are thrust into his battle with trying to figure out where he belongs. Living in a strict community where the rules of how to live and worship will make the difference between gaining entrance to Heaven or suffering the condemnation of eternal suffering in Hell, Jude faced, perhaps, one of the greatest struggles a young man can face. He is gay and knows God doesn’t approve.
Through his journey, Jude encounters several people, all of whom have a profound impact on his life and his experiences. While there are too many to review here, Reardon does a wonderful job of illustrating the struggle as Jude tries to reconcile his inner messages about who he is (and who others are…or who he thinks they should be) versus the reality of how he is. At the heart of all this struggle are several deep questions:
Can I accept others for who they are?
Can I accept myself for who I am?
Will God love me, no matter who I am?
The answer reveals itself slowly as the story unfolds.
The one caution I would provide to readers who want to experience this book is that it is a commitment to read. Ms. Reardon has taken great pains to ensure that each scene serves a purpose. There is no room for skimming. To truly understand Jude’s journey, one must go on it with him, through each thought, observation, and fear. Only then can you emerge triumphant at the end.
At the heart of this story is the strict religious beliefs of the community where Jude lives. Within this environment, there is a very narrow path leading to God’s grace in Heaven, with many, many off-roads of temptation which could lead you straight to the gates of Hell. Anyone not considered part of the Church (Saints) are pagans. They are going to Hell. Anyone who is gay is going to Hell. Anyone who turns away from the church, breaks its rules, or basically strays in any way whatsoever risks the burning of their soul for all eternity. Salvation comes from living God’s truth, and that truth comes in the form of what the Church says.
For those readers who live in a community like this, And If I Fall will be an extremely personal journey. For others, it is an honest and beautiful/disturbing look into what life is like for people who have strict religious beliefs and practices.
The first half of the book took me a while to get through. Each chapter left me thinking and I had to put the book down and process what was happening. But once I hit the midpoint, the story kind of gelled and I was able to move at a faster pace. There are many different storylines, and they don’t really converge except for through Jude’s eyes. It is only when some shocking truths are revealed that the many storylines begin to weave together, and the overarching message begins to shine through.
After concluding the book, I reached out to Ms. Reardon to ask her a question. I’ve noticed she’s written a few books which examine the impact of strict religious beliefs on the development of gay individuals (coming of age) and the ultimate acceptance or sad rejection of that natural aspect of being human. Sexuality and sexual identity are at war in some of her books, when stringent religious rules come into play, and Ms. Reardon is one of the most talented writers I’ve read to share this experience with readers.
Here is what she responded when I asked, “What is your personal relationship with this type of religious belief and practice as it pertains to your writing?”
“Too many people follow religion as though the tactics (thou shalt, thou shalt not) are sacred. Scripture quotes Jesus as saying (paraphrasing, here): “Whenever love and law conflict, love wins. Period.” If God is love, then that is what is sacred. Law must lose in any conflict, and law itself is not sacred.”
Reviewed by Taz for The Novel Approach
January 24, 2022
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
I got an ARC of this book.
Wow, just wow. I don’t even know where to start with this book. It covers such a vast period of time and so many feelings. Jude Conner is young when the book starts, it starts after his mother died. His father left years ago, he thinks partially because he wasn’t too fond of the religion that they were. Jude then is taken on by his older brother, but that doesn’t last too long as the brother gets married and has a baby. So he is forced to move in with Reverend King.
So the first part of the book focuses on how Jude feels about learning the restrictions of his religion. Before this point they just felt natural to him and he never really questioned them. Now that he is growing up, he is starting to grow and change. One of the big changes being his sexuality. Despite a large portion of Jude’s angst being about his sexuality, this book could easily be read as a young man learning to question his faith and finding his peace with it as well instead of a coming out story.
Jude has a single same-sex interaction with someone, accidentally. It wasn’t his idea, it wasn’t planned, and it surprised him. Before that point he just assumed he was straight, which is the default and only acceptable way to be in his church. He forces himself to move on, but it doesn’t work. The dreams and thoughts keep happening. He ends up confessing to the Reverend about his sexuality. It was a really intense scene.
Then the next chunk of the book is Jude dealing with his forcing himself to hide who he is by forcing himself to be more religious and more pious than ever before. This section of the book really brings up religion heavily. Jude becomes entrenched in the work of the Reverend. He vows to not “waste seed” anymore. He is proud of himself when he masturbates to completion while thinking of a woman, he takes it as a good sign despite him still sinning. This is the section that I really sunk my teeth into. It was a lot about having a crisis of faith and different reactions to it. Jude tries to force himself into a narrow box in fear, but he learns there are other ways to be religious.
The rest of the book is him dealing with the backlash of being too close to the Reverend when that plot twist happens (it is not sexual assault, which I know it sounds like from this). He learns to fly on his own, it isn’t an easy road and it is one that he is mostly alone on.
One of the things I really like about this book is the ability that the author shows to handle such complex emotions and make them feel real. There was so much that hit close to home for me. My boyfriend was excommunicated out of his church for coming out and not getting “fixed”. He was forced into homelessness and towards drugs as a way to survive. Jude had more support than that, but just barely. He managed to find a group of people that cared about him, despite how awful he was during his forced saintly behavior.
The other main factor that made me love this book was the characters. Jude was so sheltered because that was what was good for him and others in the faith, so as he learned things it felt super scandalous. There was so much to learn. Everything is always deeper than it looked. One of my favorite characters was Dolly. She is blind and in a wheelchair due to an accident when she was younger. There is a whole tragic backstory behind that and it gets so bitter sweet by the end. I was eating it up. I was like Jude, I needed more and I needed to know it would be ok. Dolly would have been to me the biggest influence in my ability to deal with a spiritual crisis. She was devout in a way that I can and do respect. She is devout in the way that I wish I was able to be.
There was just so much in this book that made it perfect for me. It had a lot of talk of black and white thinking. There was a lot of talk of family commitment and love. It was just wonderful.
I got an ARC of this book.
Wow, just wow. I don’t even know where to start with this book. It covers such a vast period of time and so many feelings. Jude Conner is young when the book starts, it starts after his mother died. His father left years ago, he thinks partially because he wasn’t too fond of the religion that they were. Jude then is taken on by his older brother, but that doesn’t last too long as the brother gets married and has a baby. So he is forced to move in with Reverend King.
So the first part of the book focuses on how Jude feels about learning the restrictions of his religion. Before this point they just felt natural to him and he never really questioned them. Now that he is growing up, he is starting to grow and change. One of the big changes being his sexuality. Despite a large portion of Jude’s angst being about his sexuality, this book could easily be read as a young man learning to question his faith and finding his peace with it as well instead of a coming out story.
Jude has a single same-sex interaction with someone, accidentally. It wasn’t his idea, it wasn’t planned, and it surprised him. Before that point he just assumed he was straight, which is the default and only acceptable way to be in his church. He forces himself to move on, but it doesn’t work. The dreams and thoughts keep happening. He ends up confessing to the Reverend about his sexuality. It was a really intense scene.
Then the next chunk of the book is Jude dealing with his forcing himself to hide who he is by forcing himself to be more religious and more pious than ever before. This section of the book really brings up religion heavily. Jude becomes entrenched in the work of the Reverend. He vows to not “waste seed” anymore. He is proud of himself when he masturbates to completion while thinking of a woman, he takes it as a good sign despite him still sinning. This is the section that I really sunk my teeth into. It was a lot about having a crisis of faith and different reactions to it. Jude tries to force himself into a narrow box in fear, but he learns there are other ways to be religious.
The rest of the book is him dealing with the backlash of being too close to the Reverend when that plot twist happens (it is not sexual assault, which I know it sounds like from this). He learns to fly on his own, it isn’t an easy road and it is one that he is mostly alone on.
One of the things I really like about this book is the ability that the author shows to handle such complex emotions and make them feel real. There was so much that hit close to home for me. My boyfriend was excommunicated out of his church for coming out and not getting “fixed”. He was forced into homelessness and towards drugs as a way to survive. Jude had more support than that, but just barely. He managed to find a group of people that cared about him, despite how awful he was during his forced saintly behavior.
The other main factor that made me love this book was the characters. Jude was so sheltered because that was what was good for him and others in the faith, so as he learned things it felt super scandalous. There was so much to learn. Everything is always deeper than it looked. One of my favorite characters was Dolly. She is blind and in a wheelchair due to an accident when she was younger. There is a whole tragic backstory behind that and it gets so bitter sweet by the end. I was eating it up. I was like Jude, I needed more and I needed to know it would be ok. Dolly would have been to me the biggest influence in my ability to deal with a spiritual crisis. She was devout in a way that I can and do respect. She is devout in the way that I wish I was able to be.
There was just so much in this book that made it perfect for me. It had a lot of talk of black and white thinking. There was a lot of talk of family commitment and love. It was just wonderful.
January 13, 2018
“In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong.” ~ Paulo Coelho
Jude Connor is raised in a strict, evangelical community. Everything is decided for him, what he wears, what he eats, whom he speaks to, keeps company with, and loves. In other words, he's caught in a trap where there's no free will or objective thinking. What the “Body” says is what's right and everyone else is wrong. There are no exceptions. How can anyone grow in such a stifling atmosphere? Yet, Jude needs to overcome these limitations or he will never turn into the butterfly he's meant to be.
At the start, Jude is at a disadvantage. He lacks the guidance of both mother and father, since his mother died and his father left them, so Jude has to depend upon his brother and all of the other saints, which is what the “saved” members of the church call themselves, to help him. His brother loves Jude, but is firmly indoctrinated in church rhetoric. He, like others in the “Body”, are determined that there is only one way to get to Heaven and if they stray from the beliefs of the church, they will go to hell. Jude doesn't want to go to hell so he turns himself inside out trying to be a good person as defined by his church. Jude tries to suppress his “unnatural” desires for other men, banish them from his mind. Jude wants to be “saved”.
When the “Body” decides Jude is too young to spend so much time alone, an arrangement is made that he will spend part of the week with the pastor's family and the other part with his brother. Without parental guidance, the reverend of his church becomes his mentor. Jude, like many others in the church, practically worships him; he thinks that everything Reverend King says is the gospel truth. When Jude's brother gets married things are okay at home, but when a baby is due, there's no room for Jude. Jude accepts the reverend as his “God father”. He believes every word out of his mouth. Jude denies his own feelings about everything and becomes a true follower.
There are some things the reverend does that Jude questions, but his doubts are overridden by his idolization of the man. Jude eventually becomes “saved” and is baptized. Trying to be a “better saint”, he goes through a phase of witnessing that borders on obnoxious and he alienates almost everyone. There are some people in the community who are not “saved” but in many ways, they seem more real than those who are in the “Body. Jude is in conflict between what he's been taught and what may be a better way to live, but the lure of the “salvation” the “Body” offers, keeps him from making the leap of faith so he is able decide for himself. It takes a tragedy to open his eyes and see the truth about his situation which enables him to realize that his mind has been locked in a prison and he begins to take steps to break out and think on his own.
Robin has written a very compelling story which has more truth than I'd like to think. It was an emotional read for me, one that will take time to settle down in my mind. My righteousness indignation boiled and seethed at the injustice of a society that believes they can judge people the way this community, who claimed to be so close to God, does. It's a sin within itself. The sad part about this story is that it's not just a story. For many it's a reality. There are communities all over the world who practice their faith in this way, through oppression and fear, rather than love and acceptance. Thanks, Robin, for bringing this disgraceful practice into the light.
NOTE: This book was provided by the author for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Jude Connor is raised in a strict, evangelical community. Everything is decided for him, what he wears, what he eats, whom he speaks to, keeps company with, and loves. In other words, he's caught in a trap where there's no free will or objective thinking. What the “Body” says is what's right and everyone else is wrong. There are no exceptions. How can anyone grow in such a stifling atmosphere? Yet, Jude needs to overcome these limitations or he will never turn into the butterfly he's meant to be.
At the start, Jude is at a disadvantage. He lacks the guidance of both mother and father, since his mother died and his father left them, so Jude has to depend upon his brother and all of the other saints, which is what the “saved” members of the church call themselves, to help him. His brother loves Jude, but is firmly indoctrinated in church rhetoric. He, like others in the “Body”, are determined that there is only one way to get to Heaven and if they stray from the beliefs of the church, they will go to hell. Jude doesn't want to go to hell so he turns himself inside out trying to be a good person as defined by his church. Jude tries to suppress his “unnatural” desires for other men, banish them from his mind. Jude wants to be “saved”.
When the “Body” decides Jude is too young to spend so much time alone, an arrangement is made that he will spend part of the week with the pastor's family and the other part with his brother. Without parental guidance, the reverend of his church becomes his mentor. Jude, like many others in the church, practically worships him; he thinks that everything Reverend King says is the gospel truth. When Jude's brother gets married things are okay at home, but when a baby is due, there's no room for Jude. Jude accepts the reverend as his “God father”. He believes every word out of his mouth. Jude denies his own feelings about everything and becomes a true follower.
There are some things the reverend does that Jude questions, but his doubts are overridden by his idolization of the man. Jude eventually becomes “saved” and is baptized. Trying to be a “better saint”, he goes through a phase of witnessing that borders on obnoxious and he alienates almost everyone. There are some people in the community who are not “saved” but in many ways, they seem more real than those who are in the “Body. Jude is in conflict between what he's been taught and what may be a better way to live, but the lure of the “salvation” the “Body” offers, keeps him from making the leap of faith so he is able decide for himself. It takes a tragedy to open his eyes and see the truth about his situation which enables him to realize that his mind has been locked in a prison and he begins to take steps to break out and think on his own.
Robin has written a very compelling story which has more truth than I'd like to think. It was an emotional read for me, one that will take time to settle down in my mind. My righteousness indignation boiled and seethed at the injustice of a society that believes they can judge people the way this community, who claimed to be so close to God, does. It's a sin within itself. The sad part about this story is that it's not just a story. For many it's a reality. There are communities all over the world who practice their faith in this way, through oppression and fear, rather than love and acceptance. Thanks, Robin, for bringing this disgraceful practice into the light.
NOTE: This book was provided by the author for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
July 19, 2022
In "Paradise Lost," John Milton wrote, "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."
Jude Connor, the young narrator of Robin Reardon's captivating novel, "And If I Fall," is torn between what he is taught to be right by others and what his own mind is trying to teach him. His intense, illuminating journey of self-discovery examines a host of issues, including religion, faith, family and friendship, and their influence on a boy who just wants to better understand his community, which he hopes will bring him peace.
Life in a small rural Idaho town hasn't been easy for Jude. Before he reaches the age of twelve his father disappears and his mother dies, leaving him in the care of his older brother, Lorne. When the Reverend Amos King offers to help raise Jude, he tries to run away, only to be returned home by Gregory Hart, fellow churchgoer and caretaker for his blind, disabled sister, Dolly.
Jude obeys his brother and reluctantly agrees to spend more time with Reverend King's wife and daughter, Aurora, even though he feels more at home with Gregory and Dolly, where he becomes acquainted with their friend, Belinda Thornton, the single mother of his classmate, Pearl.
Furthermore, he relishes the company of his best friend, Tim, until an awkward moment of contact creates distance between them, much to Jude's disappointment. Like Lorne, Jude is devoted to the Reverend King, which leaves him feeling confused and conflicted by what transpired with Tim, as well as his budding friendship with Pearl, who doesn't go to his church or believe in its teachings. But what puzzles Jude, even more, is when Lorne refuses to let Gregory take him hiking.
Jude is a remarkably astute youngster, mature beyond his years. Considering his confined environment and limited social interaction, his overall disposition is surprisingly worldly. He lets his curiosity guide him without disrespecting his superiors and, as is expected of any teen, he willfully strays from one extreme to another.
It becomes clear -- to both Jude and the reader -- that there's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and when a tragic event takes an innocent life, it has a ripple effect among the community, its parishioners and, particularly, Jude's faith.
While religion and fundamentalism are at the center of this compelling tale, "And If I Fall" has universal themes that depict the complexity of family dynamics, sexual awakening, and human connection. Jude Connor is yet another resilient, admirable youngster among Reardon's impressive body of work who triumphs despite seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
Jude Connor, the young narrator of Robin Reardon's captivating novel, "And If I Fall," is torn between what he is taught to be right by others and what his own mind is trying to teach him. His intense, illuminating journey of self-discovery examines a host of issues, including religion, faith, family and friendship, and their influence on a boy who just wants to better understand his community, which he hopes will bring him peace.
Life in a small rural Idaho town hasn't been easy for Jude. Before he reaches the age of twelve his father disappears and his mother dies, leaving him in the care of his older brother, Lorne. When the Reverend Amos King offers to help raise Jude, he tries to run away, only to be returned home by Gregory Hart, fellow churchgoer and caretaker for his blind, disabled sister, Dolly.
Jude obeys his brother and reluctantly agrees to spend more time with Reverend King's wife and daughter, Aurora, even though he feels more at home with Gregory and Dolly, where he becomes acquainted with their friend, Belinda Thornton, the single mother of his classmate, Pearl.
Furthermore, he relishes the company of his best friend, Tim, until an awkward moment of contact creates distance between them, much to Jude's disappointment. Like Lorne, Jude is devoted to the Reverend King, which leaves him feeling confused and conflicted by what transpired with Tim, as well as his budding friendship with Pearl, who doesn't go to his church or believe in its teachings. But what puzzles Jude, even more, is when Lorne refuses to let Gregory take him hiking.
Jude is a remarkably astute youngster, mature beyond his years. Considering his confined environment and limited social interaction, his overall disposition is surprisingly worldly. He lets his curiosity guide him without disrespecting his superiors and, as is expected of any teen, he willfully strays from one extreme to another.
It becomes clear -- to both Jude and the reader -- that there's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and when a tragic event takes an innocent life, it has a ripple effect among the community, its parishioners and, particularly, Jude's faith.
While religion and fundamentalism are at the center of this compelling tale, "And If I Fall" has universal themes that depict the complexity of family dynamics, sexual awakening, and human connection. Jude Connor is yet another resilient, admirable youngster among Reardon's impressive body of work who triumphs despite seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
January 24, 2018
And If I Fall tackles a subject that is not always easy to write about. I liked the thoughtful way the author approaches religious beliefs.
Jude, the main and POV character, is a great window into his world as he gradually realises the truth about himself, his world, and a man he holds on a pedestal. The story has very strong themes about being true to yourself and not living a lie. I think it is all the more powerful for not being preachy when it would have been very easy to do so. I liked the way it gave a balanced view of each side, and how the saints of the church were portrayed as good people with strong beliefs and sense of community. Growing up in a community, it is often difficult to see perspectives outside what you’ve been brought up to believe is the only truth, and children in particular often think their way of life is the only one there is.
I liked the way in which Jude slowly becomes aware of his sense of self, his slide into becoming someone he thinks he should be, and then his journey back to his true self. Some of his observations had me nodding, and although I guessed the truth about some of the characters before he did, it didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the story. Jude’s journey takes him in one direction, but others take different paths, and I liked that about the story. I felt sorry for a couple of the characters—one who decides to follow the expectations put upon him, and another who had tried to do that and failed. And for Jude’s struggle to reconcile his beliefs and the teaching of his church with his feelings for Tim.
There were some lines from the story that really stood out for me. Gregory tells Jude that that he’s come out of the baptism water “not full of love but some ugly fake version of himself.” And Jude’s realisation that he’s becoming “less blinded by the light.”
Characterisation is a huge strength of this book, and it isn’t just Jude who has motivations and secrets. I enjoyed reading about his family, and those who take on the role of family. They were interesting people and felt very real. I particularly liked the characters of Pearl, Gregory, and Dolly. Although they act as foils to open Jude’s eyes to another perspective, they are very much more than that.
I’d recommend And If I Fall to readers who enjoy a thought provoking powerful story about reconciling religious beliefs with sexuality. Highly recommended.
Jude, the main and POV character, is a great window into his world as he gradually realises the truth about himself, his world, and a man he holds on a pedestal. The story has very strong themes about being true to yourself and not living a lie. I think it is all the more powerful for not being preachy when it would have been very easy to do so. I liked the way it gave a balanced view of each side, and how the saints of the church were portrayed as good people with strong beliefs and sense of community. Growing up in a community, it is often difficult to see perspectives outside what you’ve been brought up to believe is the only truth, and children in particular often think their way of life is the only one there is.
I liked the way in which Jude slowly becomes aware of his sense of self, his slide into becoming someone he thinks he should be, and then his journey back to his true self. Some of his observations had me nodding, and although I guessed the truth about some of the characters before he did, it didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the story. Jude’s journey takes him in one direction, but others take different paths, and I liked that about the story. I felt sorry for a couple of the characters—one who decides to follow the expectations put upon him, and another who had tried to do that and failed. And for Jude’s struggle to reconcile his beliefs and the teaching of his church with his feelings for Tim.
There were some lines from the story that really stood out for me. Gregory tells Jude that that he’s come out of the baptism water “not full of love but some ugly fake version of himself.” And Jude’s realisation that he’s becoming “less blinded by the light.”
Characterisation is a huge strength of this book, and it isn’t just Jude who has motivations and secrets. I enjoyed reading about his family, and those who take on the role of family. They were interesting people and felt very real. I particularly liked the characters of Pearl, Gregory, and Dolly. Although they act as foils to open Jude’s eyes to another perspective, they are very much more than that.
I’d recommend And If I Fall to readers who enjoy a thought provoking powerful story about reconciling religious beliefs with sexuality. Highly recommended.
February 3, 2018
A Joyfully Jay review.
4 stars
And If I Fall is a re-released work by Robin Reardon, formerly titled The Revelations of Jude Connor. In the Forward, the author is quick to point out that this is not a revision of the original, but merely a title change of a work she feels is one of her most important. The story is told by the now grown version of Jude Connor. He relates what it is to grow up in the ultra-religious and conservative Christian church. Jude’s church experience borders on a cult-like situation where everything from with whom you associate and how you enter the dating phase in your teen years is scrutinized and “guided” with a fairly rigid standard. The pastor, Amos King, is the ruler of the flock where the supplicants refer to each other as brothers and sisters, and mandatory attendance at bible studies, Sunday services, and weekend church events is expected and most definitely noted.
At the onset of the story, Jude has already lost his father who left the family. It is alluded to that Jude’s dad left because of his wife’s strict adherence to everything church related and his inability to measure up. Within just a few pages, Jude also loses his mother to cancer; now he and his brother are left alone and the flock moves in to care for them. Jude’s brother appreciates the help of Reverend King and his wife when they offer to care for Jude after school several days a week in order to keep the boys together as a family. As time moves on, Jude is molded by Reverend King to be the son he never had.
Read Sammy’s review in its entirety here.
4 stars
And If I Fall is a re-released work by Robin Reardon, formerly titled The Revelations of Jude Connor. In the Forward, the author is quick to point out that this is not a revision of the original, but merely a title change of a work she feels is one of her most important. The story is told by the now grown version of Jude Connor. He relates what it is to grow up in the ultra-religious and conservative Christian church. Jude’s church experience borders on a cult-like situation where everything from with whom you associate and how you enter the dating phase in your teen years is scrutinized and “guided” with a fairly rigid standard. The pastor, Amos King, is the ruler of the flock where the supplicants refer to each other as brothers and sisters, and mandatory attendance at bible studies, Sunday services, and weekend church events is expected and most definitely noted.
At the onset of the story, Jude has already lost his father who left the family. It is alluded to that Jude’s dad left because of his wife’s strict adherence to everything church related and his inability to measure up. Within just a few pages, Jude also loses his mother to cancer; now he and his brother are left alone and the flock moves in to care for them. Jude’s brother appreciates the help of Reverend King and his wife when they offer to care for Jude after school several days a week in order to keep the boys together as a family. As time moves on, Jude is molded by Reverend King to be the son he never had.
Read Sammy’s review in its entirety here.
February 11, 2018
Another arresting piece by Robin Reardon, although if you are looking for romance or something with lots of action, this isn't the novel for you.
And If I Fall is all about understanding yourself and others. "Who am I?", "How I fit in society?" and "Do I fit at all?" are questions Jude is constantly trying to find a satisfactory reply to. Also, "What is sin?", "How do we sin?" and "Can we be forgiven for it?".
This novel is a slow recounting of Jude's life, of his spiritual journey as he matures, of his self-discovery. A lot of the things he's going through are going to make you question yourself and your beliefs, even if you've never been in his shoes. In a way, this book is more a philosophical piece on religion, family, love, isolation, confusion and fear that a novel.
But it is so interestingly written and Jude is so sympathetic, that I kept turning the pages. Granted, he is sometimes petulant, but we meet his as a child, barely in his teens and he goes through many changes as he grows up.
I haven't grown up around very strict Christians. Yes, Christianity is the religion of my homeland, but a lot of the people around me go to church only if it's a holiday or if they'd been invited to a wedding or a christening. But even though I have no firsthand experience with the community Jude grew up in, I think that Robin Reardon has presented a very realistic picture of the struggles a gay boy would go through in a society where homosexuality is condemned.
I'd recommend And If I Fall to people who struggle with their sexuality, especially those who live in very religious communities.
And If I Fall is all about understanding yourself and others. "Who am I?", "How I fit in society?" and "Do I fit at all?" are questions Jude is constantly trying to find a satisfactory reply to. Also, "What is sin?", "How do we sin?" and "Can we be forgiven for it?".
This novel is a slow recounting of Jude's life, of his spiritual journey as he matures, of his self-discovery. A lot of the things he's going through are going to make you question yourself and your beliefs, even if you've never been in his shoes. In a way, this book is more a philosophical piece on religion, family, love, isolation, confusion and fear that a novel.
But it is so interestingly written and Jude is so sympathetic, that I kept turning the pages. Granted, he is sometimes petulant, but we meet his as a child, barely in his teens and he goes through many changes as he grows up.
I haven't grown up around very strict Christians. Yes, Christianity is the religion of my homeland, but a lot of the people around me go to church only if it's a holiday or if they'd been invited to a wedding or a christening. But even though I have no firsthand experience with the community Jude grew up in, I think that Robin Reardon has presented a very realistic picture of the struggles a gay boy would go through in a society where homosexuality is condemned.
I'd recommend And If I Fall to people who struggle with their sexuality, especially those who live in very religious communities.
January 7, 2018
Wow! The worth of this book is difficult to put into words. And If I Fall is a riveting, coming of age tale about a boy named Jude. Jude has a rough road toward growing up for many reasons. He loses both parents at a young age, and finds himself realizing that he is different in a way that his religious cult-like community would not approve of. Most of the main influences in Jude's life are adults, including his brother and sister-in-law, a larger than life reverend, and nearby neighbors, but there are a couple of kids close to his age who help shape his path, including a girl named Pearl, who is not accepted by the religious community.
Jude goes through various phases in his young life, and through several homes, as well. I was on the edge of my seat, rooting for Jude to find and accept himself in a community where who he is, was unacceptable. I felt such a mix of hope, anger, sadness, and disbelief throughout this story, hoping against hope for a happy ending for Jude.
This is the third book I have read by this author, and I have been impressed every single time. I highly recommend this book.
Jude goes through various phases in his young life, and through several homes, as well. I was on the edge of my seat, rooting for Jude to find and accept himself in a community where who he is, was unacceptable. I felt such a mix of hope, anger, sadness, and disbelief throughout this story, hoping against hope for a happy ending for Jude.
This is the third book I have read by this author, and I have been impressed every single time. I highly recommend this book.
August 22, 2018
This one really made me questions things. Not a read for everyone I think, but a good read none the less. I think because of it's religious backdrop and it's sexual description it's not widely relatable, however it's relevant and written in a very respectful way all while being entertaining. Reardon did an amazing job at making me feel like I was sitting on a pew in the back of a church somewhere in the mid-west watching the story unfold. The writing is amazing. I would definitely recommend this to those that love a good inspirational/life lessons kind of story. 3.5 stars.
August 9, 2021
I liked the story and related to it a little, as I have finished the process of leaving religion.
It wasn’t the best book I have ever read but it wasn’t a waste of time either.
Anyone who was raised in fundamentalism and struggles with accepting their own sexuality would get something out of this book. As I read it, I thought about a couple of kids in my youth group who were trying pretty hard to not be gay and it gave me an appreciation for how difficult that must have been.
It wasn’t the best book I have ever read but it wasn’t a waste of time either.
Anyone who was raised in fundamentalism and struggles with accepting their own sexuality would get something out of this book. As I read it, I thought about a couple of kids in my youth group who were trying pretty hard to not be gay and it gave me an appreciation for how difficult that must have been.
January 22, 2019
An excellent book. — Robin Reardon says that one of her writing goals is to introduce readers to something they might not know very much about. Well, she totally did that in my case. And I am very thankful for that. This is a wonderful and extremely well written book. And it is one with a satisfying ending.
June 20, 2023
Brilliant. Simply awesome 👍🏼 I really felt for Jude. The impossible situation he felt and the hypocrisy of the village. The secrets it holds and the controlling way it treats him and .... Anyway. Just wow.
March 11, 2018
*not a romance
I liked this well enough but I expected a romance. It was a little too long and predictable but well written with some good characterisation.
I liked this well enough but I expected a romance. It was a little too long and predictable but well written with some good characterisation.
March 23, 2018
Writing was amateur, plot line was not consistent. It was a decent read, but could have been much better with a good revision and edit.
September 14, 2014
Reviewed by Rachel
Book provided by NetGalley for review
Review originally posted at Romancing the Book
I’d never read any of this authors books before. I saw the cover, looked at the title and thought it looked interesting. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This book is more of a coming-of-age book than it is a YA.
It’s the story of Jude from pre-teen all the way into adulthood, as he faces huge loss in his life. Growing up, in what I’m assuming is the Mormon church considering the way they referred to the church, was all Jude ever knew. After his mother died, he was forced to spend time with the reverend or bishop. After all, his brother couldn’t raise him, he had a family and life to build. So Jude is essentially brainwashed by the reverend and forced to spend every afternoon in his company.
Very soon, Jude realizes he’s different. His friend Tim and he have a different relationship, he feels different things with him than he does other friends. He’s also the only person that truly understands Jude, that is until everything hits the fan and they embark on a relationship both know is forbidden.
What follows is the story of how Jude fights these feelings, how the bishop uses Jude as a way to push away his own sin–and in the end how Jude finally finds freedom in being who he needs to be.
I was really put off when I first read this novel. The way the author described the church was more of a cult than a church. I kept trying to understand what Church would ostracize it’s members in that way. It was horrible and totally put a bad taste in my mouth. Then as the book progressed, I realized it wasn’t necessarily about the church, it was about how no matter who you claim to be in life, you’re still liable to sin, you still have baggage, and nobody is perfect.
Jude faced a lot of drama in his life, every single thing kept coming back to what he was raised in, the church, and what he knew to be right, which was people being treated as equals, people deserving love regardless of who they were or where they were from. I think the huge concept of this story is acceptance. Loving those who are unlovable and loving everyone despite their past or their actions. The people in the story who claimed to be perfect were actually the awful ones and vice versa.
I went from hating the story, to loving it, to hating it again, to really appreciating the point of view the author had on the subject of homosexuality. It was actually quite brilliantly done and didn’t just pounce on the church like it was evil, it showed good people who had good intentions and truly did love Jude.
I would recommend this book if you want something deep and thought provoking, definitely not the type of book to read if you want something easy and light. All in all, I liked it, but probably wouldn’t read it again, not because the writing wasn’t outstanding but because it really isn’t my cup of tea.
Book provided by NetGalley for review
Review originally posted at Romancing the Book
I’d never read any of this authors books before. I saw the cover, looked at the title and thought it looked interesting. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This book is more of a coming-of-age book than it is a YA.
It’s the story of Jude from pre-teen all the way into adulthood, as he faces huge loss in his life. Growing up, in what I’m assuming is the Mormon church considering the way they referred to the church, was all Jude ever knew. After his mother died, he was forced to spend time with the reverend or bishop. After all, his brother couldn’t raise him, he had a family and life to build. So Jude is essentially brainwashed by the reverend and forced to spend every afternoon in his company.
Very soon, Jude realizes he’s different. His friend Tim and he have a different relationship, he feels different things with him than he does other friends. He’s also the only person that truly understands Jude, that is until everything hits the fan and they embark on a relationship both know is forbidden.
What follows is the story of how Jude fights these feelings, how the bishop uses Jude as a way to push away his own sin–and in the end how Jude finally finds freedom in being who he needs to be.
I was really put off when I first read this novel. The way the author described the church was more of a cult than a church. I kept trying to understand what Church would ostracize it’s members in that way. It was horrible and totally put a bad taste in my mouth. Then as the book progressed, I realized it wasn’t necessarily about the church, it was about how no matter who you claim to be in life, you’re still liable to sin, you still have baggage, and nobody is perfect.
Jude faced a lot of drama in his life, every single thing kept coming back to what he was raised in, the church, and what he knew to be right, which was people being treated as equals, people deserving love regardless of who they were or where they were from. I think the huge concept of this story is acceptance. Loving those who are unlovable and loving everyone despite their past or their actions. The people in the story who claimed to be perfect were actually the awful ones and vice versa.
I went from hating the story, to loving it, to hating it again, to really appreciating the point of view the author had on the subject of homosexuality. It was actually quite brilliantly done and didn’t just pounce on the church like it was evil, it showed good people who had good intentions and truly did love Jude.
I would recommend this book if you want something deep and thought provoking, definitely not the type of book to read if you want something easy and light. All in all, I liked it, but probably wouldn’t read it again, not because the writing wasn’t outstanding but because it really isn’t my cup of tea.
March 4, 2016
Jude Conner is a young man, living in a strict religious community & struggling with the loss of his mother. Following the desertion of his father and the cancer death of his mother, Jude and Lorne are just two youngsters very much in need of the support of their local church community.
But Jude realizes he’s different. The feelings that he has for his friend Tim bring into question his blossoming sexuality, and Jude has trouble reconciling that with the strict teachings of his Mormon-like faith. Seeing the different resolutions for Jude and for Tim was really affirming for me. I've always felt that personal courage will generally make our lives more fulfilling in the long run and I felt that Tim's lack of Jude's level of courage led to their different outcomes.
As with all Robin Reardon's tales this is a thought provoking work that is at times uncomfortable but focuses on a young man formulating what will be his character. There are people that I disagree with in this tale but they are presented fairly. They're well fleshed out and motivated and it's actually easy to see their viewpoints. In many ways the understanding that one gets when reading one of Robin's tales can actually bring anyone to what I like to think of as a truly Christian perspective.
Personally I didn't enjoy this as much as some of Reardon's other tales but I think that was partly a function of my own state of mind and the extreme vulnerability I felt that Jude had. The book ends with a bit of a years later epilogue that worked for me though others have criticized it as feeling tacked on. The back seat writer in me would like to have seen part of that epilogue as an introduction with the more modern day Jude bracketing and looking back on (Revealing?) his earlier self. This might have made me feel more assured that the early Jude we meet would survive the tale.
Being somewhat aware of the 1950's "Boys of Boise" homosexuality scandal, I was a bit surprised when Reverend King takes young Jude into Boise and I was pretty certain that my earlier suspicions about the reverend would prove to be true.
*** Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the author in exchange for an honest and impartial review ***
But Jude realizes he’s different. The feelings that he has for his friend Tim bring into question his blossoming sexuality, and Jude has trouble reconciling that with the strict teachings of his Mormon-like faith. Seeing the different resolutions for Jude and for Tim was really affirming for me. I've always felt that personal courage will generally make our lives more fulfilling in the long run and I felt that Tim's lack of Jude's level of courage led to their different outcomes.
As with all Robin Reardon's tales this is a thought provoking work that is at times uncomfortable but focuses on a young man formulating what will be his character. There are people that I disagree with in this tale but they are presented fairly. They're well fleshed out and motivated and it's actually easy to see their viewpoints. In many ways the understanding that one gets when reading one of Robin's tales can actually bring anyone to what I like to think of as a truly Christian perspective.
Personally I didn't enjoy this as much as some of Reardon's other tales but I think that was partly a function of my own state of mind and the extreme vulnerability I felt that Jude had. The book ends with a bit of a years later epilogue that worked for me though others have criticized it as feeling tacked on. The back seat writer in me would like to have seen part of that epilogue as an introduction with the more modern day Jude bracketing and looking back on (Revealing?) his earlier self. This might have made me feel more assured that the early Jude we meet would survive the tale.
Being somewhat aware of the 1950's "Boys of Boise" homosexuality scandal, I was a bit surprised when Reverend King takes young Jude into Boise and I was pretty certain that my earlier suspicions about the reverend would prove to be true.
*** Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the author in exchange for an honest and impartial review ***
June 6, 2013
She did it again. Robin Reardon has the perfect way of grabbing our attention, teaching us about something very meaningful, and getting us to keep turning the pages. For this book, we are deep in the heart of a fundamentalist christian community in Idaho.
She does not just blast them for being so narrow-minded. She allows us to see their motivations and how there is much goodness inside of them. Are they bad people who have done good things or are they good people who do bad things? I stole that from her, although she used it more specifically about one character.
Of course, Jude needs to find his way as a teenager who thinks he might be gay and we are rooting for him the whole time. It is a great roller coaster ride and I believed that all of those characters could be real people. Each character has some complexity. I really loved reading this story. She teaches me something in each book and she is one my favorite authors.
She does not just blast them for being so narrow-minded. She allows us to see their motivations and how there is much goodness inside of them. Are they bad people who have done good things or are they good people who do bad things? I stole that from her, although she used it more specifically about one character.
Of course, Jude needs to find his way as a teenager who thinks he might be gay and we are rooting for him the whole time. It is a great roller coaster ride and I believed that all of those characters could be real people. Each character has some complexity. I really loved reading this story. She teaches me something in each book and she is one my favorite authors.
August 4, 2014
This is a difficult one for me to review. I loved the story but didn't love the writing. Jude is a gem, a young man struggling with the loss of his mother, his sexuality, and his faith. As a member of a fundamental Christian community, he struggles to understand the world around h through the filter of the church. His constant struggle with what he sees, how he feels, and how to behave and think are very real. As much as I loved Jude and the story, I felt very disconnected...as if the story was told by a dispassionate observer. The last 25% of the book got better for me but felt rushed compared to the beginning. I wished Ms. Reardon had given us more insight into the secondary characters. I loved Pearl and I wanted to know more about the reverend's struggles.
Overall I enjoyed the book and will read more from Ms. Reardon. I also wanted to mention that I found this ebook in my public library system. I am hoping more and more YA LGBT books are available for teens and beyond.
Overall I enjoyed the book and will read more from Ms. Reardon. I also wanted to mention that I found this ebook in my public library system. I am hoping more and more YA LGBT books are available for teens and beyond.
May 5, 2013
What is it like to be gay in a small community where nearly everyone belongs to a fundamentalist Christian church and considers homosexuality to be a big sin which will make you go to hell? In this book a few people have to struggle with this issue and the young Jude Connor is one of them.
I'm a big fan of Robin Reardon's books and I wasn't disappointed with this one. The story is really moving, the characters are all very credible and I'm sure there are quite a lot of churches similar to the one portrayed in this book. Only the reverend was a bit too extreme.
I don't give 5 stars mainly because of this. Also some of the characters I grew attached to in my opinion deserved a happier ending. Maybe this would have made the story less dramatic or less realistic. Nevertheless I would have wished for a more positive outcome for them.
4.5 STARS!
I'm a big fan of Robin Reardon's books and I wasn't disappointed with this one. The story is really moving, the characters are all very credible and I'm sure there are quite a lot of churches similar to the one portrayed in this book. Only the reverend was a bit too extreme.
I don't give 5 stars mainly because of this. Also some of the characters I grew attached to in my opinion deserved a happier ending. Maybe this would have made the story less dramatic or less realistic. Nevertheless I would have wished for a more positive outcome for them.
4.5 STARS!
June 30, 2013
I like Robin Reardon's engaging writing style, but this book felt more remote to me than The Evolution of Ethan Poe. Perhaps it is because the novel covers a much larger span of time, necessitating more summarizing of events, but it made for less of a connection. One of the major characters is murdered, yet the victim is little more than an afterthought. It seems to me that in such a small community, it would have a major impact. Instead, the murder is summed up and forgotten.
The theme is one that intrigues me: how does a young person in a conservative religious environment cope with being gay or lesbian? On those points, Jude and the author hold their own, but I wish that the character had felt less distant.
The theme is one that intrigues me: how does a young person in a conservative religious environment cope with being gay or lesbian? On those points, Jude and the author hold their own, but I wish that the character had felt less distant.
June 9, 2016
Jude was so naive I felt sorry for him. So many secrets in the community, especially in the church. It is just how I see many righteously religious individuals - condemning sins in order to make their own justified. I was sad for Pearl, happy for Gregory and Todd, mad at Reverend King (since the start of the book), and confused about Tim. I did not feel sorry for those blinded by the faith of the Body - they deserved what they got. One thing that troubled me, especially with all married couples, is why have children if you cannot afford them and are always exhausted? This does not seem like the makings of a happy family. I thoroughly enjoyed the herbal references by Pearl and have looked them up. Once again, Reardon wrote a book that I could not put down.
March 24, 2014
I loved it. Reardon has a way of making you think and question how people look at things. I always come away from her books thoughtful, and wanting to change the world. When I read her work i makes me thankful for the people in my life that have helped guide and shape my life. This book again did that for me. i will continue to be a fan of Mrs. Reardon as long as she continues to write.
May 30, 2013
I usually love Reardon's stuff. So this was disappointing, because it was pretty average. I liked aspects, but it also drove me nuts. The main character acts and speaks too often like an adult, not a teenager. Still it had some powerful moments.
November 16, 2014
Amazing story about a 'religion' totally in control. Actually a 'cult'. I hope this situation does not exist in real life, but Ms. Reardon makes it real and very believable. As always, with Ms. Reardon, a wonderful read.
April 17, 2013
Read from ARC for review for VOYA.
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