The Beginner's Guide to Spouse Removal

by Sandra Sperling

When Merry Mitchell discovers that her husband is hiding assets in preparation to dumping her for a younger woman, she is filled with hurt and rage. Having toiled her way up from poverty, she will do nearly anything to avoid being poor again.She considers an immediate divorce, but quickly realizes that with her sons now of age, she won’t get the house or enough of a settlement to allow her to continue her pleasant life style. After several efforts to save the marriage, she gives up, deciding that her husband must die.Merry’s ideas for spouse removal are limited by the sophisticated methods of detection used by law officials. She wracks her mind to find a method that is both undetectable and supposedly accidental. And, to assuage her troublesome conscience, the attempt must give him a sporting chance of survival.How should she do it…

238 pages, Paperback

Published September 20, 2017

About the author

Sandra Sperling was born in Nevada and began her creative life in Minnesosta, where, as a child, she wrote a play and a short story. Eventually, she attempted a horror novel, but it didn't horrify. Her mother, while reading the manuscript, began to laugh helplessly and leaned against a door for support, sliding to the floor like a piece of cooked spaghetti. Deciding she was a failure as a writer, Sandy switched to painting drybrush watercolors. The pull to write, however, was too strong to resist, so while still in Minnesota, she again began to write, publishing some short stories and advancing to novels. She currently lives in Kentucky with her husband, She enjoys taking nature walks, refinishing old furniture and reading.

Reviews

[Paul Falk]

Off to a running start, from page one, the author created a storyline that tugged at my every heart string. The main character, Merry Kessler, was defined with crystal clear clarity. The narrative succeeded in bombarding me with nonstop twists and turns. With every passing scene, I soon discovered there'd be no turning my head away - my kind of read! With no reservation, I recommend this well-written book. 

Growing up in a small Minnesota town, I came to bear witness to the tumultuous life and times of Merry. Held prisoner through a life of poverty was all she had known growing up as a child. Humiliated by her peers, she'd been sent off to school in nothing more than rags. 

Having attained adolescence, she was obsessed with the realization that enduring a life in the poorhouse would no longer be part of her future. It was time for change.

She'd do whatever it would take to leave her wretched existence behind. It would be her primary goal well into adulthood. Pity the person who would get in her way.

[M.J. Ortmeier]

There’s a deer in the freezer named Old Brutus. Her husband shot it. The meat is tough, joyless, unwanted, and impossible to get rid of, but she’s compelled to keep trying to make it work. Thus we have a metaphor for Merry Mitchell’s marriage.

Sandra Sperling’s study of passive aggressive behavior and of "almost, but not quite," has a quiet, steady pace to it. The time setting wasn’t specified, but the cadence and language put me in mind of a Midwestern suburb in the sixties. Despite its subject matter, it has a gentleness about it, and despite that gentleness, my heart still pumped with anger or anticipation.

Outwardly, Merry is a normal and very boring (especially to her husband) housewife, but she has a secret, wicked wit that she wields silently against her enemies. Her dark and twisted sense of humor escalates as the murder fantasies build, and we see a burgeoning—albeit subtle to the point of non-existent—evil genius.

Merry makes a plea for understanding at the start of the story, and Sandra Sperling lays the foundation for her protagonist’s motivations. Even so, it was odd how quickly Merry jumped to the death sentence as an appropriate response to a suspicion. On reflection, I realized that reaction is probably pretty normal. If I’m in the wrong mood, I’m fantasizing about the car that cut me off careening into a ditch, flipping over, and bursting into flames. But these are fantasies most of us don’t try to make reality.

Both of the Mitchells engage in a lot of wishful thinking, half-hearted attempts, and long flirtations with sin. I found myself going back and forth in my sympathies. Whether or not either of them ultimately succeeds, their secret plans and dark desires have a profound impact on their marriage and illustrate that what we "don’t do" in our relationships with each other can be just as important as what we "do."

[C. Yvette Spencer]

A page turner indeed. I can only imagine the facial expressions I made while reading this book. It was fun, light, but had an appeal that made you feel the character's emotions. Great book and highly recommended.

[Susan Sage]

Sandra Sperling’s female protagonists are smart and resourceful survivors who learn how to extricate themselves from bad marriages. Merry Mitchell in 'The Beginner’s Guide to Spouse Removal' is no exception. She’s tough-minded with a big heart—despite having a husband who treats her like a doormat. Sperling immediately draws readers in to her sympathetic portrayals of both Merry and her best friend, Nell. It isn’t long before their knights in shining armor become complete losers. Merry’s husband, Paul, is such a creep, I found myself actually rooting for Merry as she contemplates possible ways of doing him in! (And there are many that she contemplates—a couple of them pretty ingenious.) Those of us who are wives and mothers forgive so often, sometimes too often. Sadly, we lose our wants and needs in the process.

While this isn’t a how-to manual, there’s much to be learned in this short novel—especially for those of us who lack Merry’s courage and can-do personality. Despite the gravitas of the subject, there’s much humor here. In fact, it’s so funny, I found myself often laughing out loud —especially when Merry’s conscience kicks in, or when she’s spying on her husband and his male friend as they discuss dumping their wives. Like all of Sperling’s witty and wonderful novels, this one is a page-turner! I’d recommend it to any of my married women friends who are having marital issues, though maybe not the most frustrated ones…Can’t wait to read her next book!!

[Larry Landgraf]

The Beginner’s Guide to Spouse Removal by Sandra Sperling is a well-written and well-edited novel about two young gals, Merry and Nell, who are best friends who grow up in a life where everything is a struggle. Merry’s dad deserted the family when she was young and her mother had a hard time making ends meet. As Merry grows older, she vows to never be poor again.

She and Nell work hard to start their hairstyling business, going to school while just barely scraping by to make ends meet. They are successful and eventually marry and have kids. Their husbands are also best friends.

Nell’s husband dumps her and leaves her penniless when he stashes assets and Nell gets little in the divorce. Then, Merry suspects her husband is going to do the same. But she has a plan... not a very well-thought-out plan, but a plan nevertheless. She is going to keep an eye on their assets, kill her husband to make it look like an accident to collect double-indemnity on their insurance policy, and live happily ever after.

Well, this sounds like a good plan but Merry finds that it is much more difficult to carry out than she thought. I’m not going to spoil the ending for you. You’ll have to read this humorous story yourself to find out what happens. This is a great read and you won’t want to miss it. I highly recommend The Beginner’s Guide to Spouse Removal.

[Penn Gates]

The title itself tells you this is a novel full of dark humor. I laughed out loud more than once while reading it. For instance, I will never think about venison without remembering this book, and if you give yourself the treat of reading it, neither will you. But it would be a mistake to think this is only a comic novel. The underlying theme might be a warning—people will always show you what they want you to think they are. A philandering husband, a wife about to be traded in for a newer model—It’s up to the reader to figure out who’s the real bad guy in this novel. And you won’t really know until the very end.

[Bev Stegmann]

This really is a good read. Had me from the first page to the last. Merry Mitchell has lived with ups and downs throughout her life. Hard worker, faithful wife, loving Mother, dutiful daughter. He twin sons are grown and in military academy. She is feeling empty nest syndrome. Unfortunately her husband Paul is having his own midlife crises and is contemplating an affair with his office secretary.
A comedy of events places Paul in peril on several different occasions at the hands of his loving wife. Recommend this book.

[Julia Walker]

This was a terrifically fun novel! The title made me laugh and it just went on and on. Sperling did a fabulous job of keeping it funny, sad and real throughout the book. I read it in one sitting so it is fast paced and never boring. The cover isn't great but ignore it and read the book, you will not regret it!

[Mary Schmidt]

Murder. Could you?

Murder. Murder your cheating husband who stashed away huge chunks of assets to deceive you and thus receiving hardly any support money wise? 💰 I laughed hard in many places. Sperling has a funny, sad, romantic, murder in thought, but really? I would not murder my husband, but he'd be paying me the big bucks!