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The Ethics of Caring: Finding Right Relationship with Clients for Profound, Transformative Work in Professional Healing Relationships
The Ethics of Caring is a unique and widely recommended text that complements standard ethics texts by helping the student or professional find right relationship with a client. Written for practicing therapy and medical professionals, students, teachers, supervisors, and mentors, The Ethics of Caring model first promotes self-compassion, then gently guides self-reflection about unconscious countertransference that often occurs in the main areas of human life. The book illuminates many extraordinary types of human experiences to help professionals become aware in case clients bring these profound states in some way to the professional for support. Staying in right relationship with a client is often an artful movement, a dance with a different "partner" each time. Yet there are helpful rules of thumb that can keep us from stepping on toes (doing harm) and actually support both professional and client in doing a beautiful, healing dance together (creating client benefit). The Ethics of Caring is a unique ethics text designed to guide the self-compassionate self-reflection of both students and professionals (therapists, clergy, hospice workers, bodyworkers, educators, medical professionals, mentors, and other caregivers) toward understanding human motivations and countertransference, finding professional right relationship, and making good choices with clients. The Ethics of Caring also illuminates the inevitable, profound, transformative moments in a professional relationship, which furnish greater potential for client healing, but also may bring greater ethical challenges.
- GenresPsychologySelf Help
405 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 28, 2017
124 people are currently reading
136 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
December 7, 2023
I took a course on altered states of consciousness breathwork (similar to holotropic) where about 80% of this book was assigned as required reading. I just finished reading the remaining chapters and I'm so grateful to that course for having read this, as it's probably something I would have never read or finished on my own. This book taught me so much about relationships, communities, ethics, and my own self-awareness. It's definitely an essential read for anyone doing any kind of work in the field of spirituality, psychedelics, or any type of expanded states of awareness work.
September 6, 2022
You can only offer the light that you have encountered and made your own - Jack Kornfield
What I dont know abt myself can cause you harm
It is relationship itself that is at the heart of healing
We have to dive into our own well to reach the underground river that connects us
There is no self except in relationship to other
Right relationship is easier when we see how connected we are
Morals are relative, but spirit is not
Ethical missteps stem from an impulse to heal
Often the inner material of a client is simply looking for a safe place to arise
A child subconsciously acts out in order bring healing to the disconnected family system
When there ia transference, there is usually regression
An examined self is no less important than skills
Fears and desires can draw us off course from right relationship. They make a zigzag course energetically with the client
Vulnerabilities
lack of compassion for the client
Compassion fatigue/burnout - vicarious traumatization resulting from countertransference?
Ignorance of moral pitfalls- no peer review
Our own u examined fears and longings creating countertransference
One in 25 have no feeling of empathy or guilt
If you are off of right relationship, part of you knows but it trying to keep it from the other part
Mysterious chemistry with a client makes you vulnerable, as does sharing profound experiences. Both have a great potential for a healing relationship as well
Creating a therapeutic relationship is threading our way through a minefield of transference and countertransference
Extraordinary states are not pathological
The shaman mediates for the community between the ordinary and extraordinary states
Depression is a trance state, feeling as if the past or future is happening now
Reverence for all life is the foundation of morality
In expanded states, therapeutic conceptualizations arent as helpful as empathy, encouragement, support.
Practice only in area of competence. You have to have personal experience with extraordinary states. If you havent, you may fear and freeze and inadvertently communicate that with the client if they are in a difficult space
Create informed consent with the client so their trust is justified
You can indicate that although it feels like they are regressed in age and reliving abuse, the abuser is not here and you are there for them
Avoid suggestibility by neither agreeing or disagreeing with the patient’s perceptions
Or
Affirm moral solidarity with the client
Direct interventions in extraordinary states are usually harmful
Your job is to midwife the birthing experience, to provide a safe environment for it to happen naturally
It can be unethical not to provide nurturing touch a client. If they are regressed and feeling the trauma, its an opportunity for a corrective experience. If facilitator refuses, it can retraumatize neglect. Nurturing can allow them to feel the sadness and bring closure
People dont get into trouble because of the extraordinary state experience, its because of whats done with it after. Client should keep the experience close for a bit
If a client doesnt have much self awareness, they may not be a good candidate for profound work
Countertransference- the guides feelings of jealousy, contempt, skepticism, guilt, arousal, envy
To fully feel may be a means to complete a part of an unresolved biography. It is the potential to release long held energies in body mind
Some memories are real but retrieved in symbolic form. Mythic elements like poetry can represent the truth more accurately than fact alone
Birth is the first life threatening trauma of the organism and first experience of surrender and transformation
Alters are created by people to deal with trauma. They distribute themselves and share a collective burden. They may not know that the others exist. They can often be full of homicidal rage.
To relive a trauma without awareness is to retraumatize. But this awareness doesn’t have to be cognitive. The therapist helps bring awareness by witnessing, mirroring, and not being drawn into the trance.
Medications can stop the emerging process and thwart healing, even for a schizophrenic
Rythmic drumming is a vehicle used by shamans to move into the spirit world
A shaman is qualified because they can mediate the experiences of others in profound states
Shadow isnt the opposite of a quality but a quality not expressed enough or too much.
Energetic transmission is palpable in groups. Ones energy circulates, finds, and reacts with others.
If our own material has been worked through, we dont have to protect ourselves from others. This enables you to stay balanced and grounded during a clients flood of grief, anger, elation. To believe that the healing process will work
The inner healer has the most benevolent agenda possible.
When the boundaries are permeable, the professional may experience what the client is experiencing
Underneath demonic energy is a terribly hurt child
It may be that different alters may make different agreements with the professional
The thirst of our soul for wholeness, or union with God, is our fundamental drive. So to not know ourselves produces divine discontent
the professional who doubts their competency will serve with less success. But have self compassion
You cant tale a client anywhere that you havent been yourself
There is value in accepting erotic transference and countertransference yet not acting in it sexually.
A client can benefit knowing they are experienced as an emotional and sexual being
Remain in accepting and nurturing and dont react in fear to a clients sexual longings
90% of therapists have been attracted to a client and 50% have been aroused during therapy
A professional can feel the quality and reverence for sexual energy
A client may feel their body as a holy object, using it to worship, they may see their sensuality as a gift and want to connect it with others. If they become frightened of it, they may depress it
Spiritual longing for union may be expressed as physical longing for union
Allow the client to feel their grief or anger
We are attracted to that which we are lacking in ourselves in order to feel complete
Are you communication to the client that its dangerous to proceed without you? This is disempowering them. Healing occurs because we stay out of the way. We provide protection, permission, connection
Dont try to control things. Its counter therapeutic
The degree of ethical vulnerability is relative to the professionals degree of unfulfilled need
The heart feels what is outside itself as if it were inside
You cant be a therapist and a friend
Do you try to appear as if you have more spiritual insight than the client? Dont be a guru
The sacred marriage is the alchemical symbol of the psychospiritual metaphor for the internal union of masculine and feminine parts and by extension, for the union to non duality
You cannot hide from god when you are part of it
Care authentically, examine your motives,
Be willing to tell the truth and ask for help
You may be susceptible to defense mechanisms such as:
Denial (denying the clients experience)
Projective identification ( project your own fear of malevolent spirits and then client adopts that view)
Anticipation (second guessing the clients experience in an attempt to control it)
Dissociation (getting triggered and not staying with someone)
Intellectualization (taking us out if our feelings in an attempt to give us a sense if control)
Omnipotence or Devaluation ( thinking you know everything and have god like powers of healing or that you have no capacity for negative influence)
Humor (used to deflect intimacy)
If the client sees shadow material in the professional, it has to be acknowledged and discussed in order for the relationship to continue
The guide must repeatedly expose themselves to experiences that touch them deeply, that throw them off balance and show them their weaknesses and inadequacies. They need to get out of the safety of their familiarity
What I dont know abt myself can cause you harm
It is relationship itself that is at the heart of healing
We have to dive into our own well to reach the underground river that connects us
There is no self except in relationship to other
Right relationship is easier when we see how connected we are
Morals are relative, but spirit is not
Ethical missteps stem from an impulse to heal
Often the inner material of a client is simply looking for a safe place to arise
A child subconsciously acts out in order bring healing to the disconnected family system
When there ia transference, there is usually regression
An examined self is no less important than skills
Fears and desires can draw us off course from right relationship. They make a zigzag course energetically with the client
Vulnerabilities
lack of compassion for the client
Compassion fatigue/burnout - vicarious traumatization resulting from countertransference?
Ignorance of moral pitfalls- no peer review
Our own u examined fears and longings creating countertransference
One in 25 have no feeling of empathy or guilt
If you are off of right relationship, part of you knows but it trying to keep it from the other part
Mysterious chemistry with a client makes you vulnerable, as does sharing profound experiences. Both have a great potential for a healing relationship as well
Creating a therapeutic relationship is threading our way through a minefield of transference and countertransference
Extraordinary states are not pathological
The shaman mediates for the community between the ordinary and extraordinary states
Depression is a trance state, feeling as if the past or future is happening now
Reverence for all life is the foundation of morality
In expanded states, therapeutic conceptualizations arent as helpful as empathy, encouragement, support.
Practice only in area of competence. You have to have personal experience with extraordinary states. If you havent, you may fear and freeze and inadvertently communicate that with the client if they are in a difficult space
Create informed consent with the client so their trust is justified
You can indicate that although it feels like they are regressed in age and reliving abuse, the abuser is not here and you are there for them
Avoid suggestibility by neither agreeing or disagreeing with the patient’s perceptions
Or
Affirm moral solidarity with the client
Direct interventions in extraordinary states are usually harmful
Your job is to midwife the birthing experience, to provide a safe environment for it to happen naturally
It can be unethical not to provide nurturing touch a client. If they are regressed and feeling the trauma, its an opportunity for a corrective experience. If facilitator refuses, it can retraumatize neglect. Nurturing can allow them to feel the sadness and bring closure
People dont get into trouble because of the extraordinary state experience, its because of whats done with it after. Client should keep the experience close for a bit
If a client doesnt have much self awareness, they may not be a good candidate for profound work
Countertransference- the guides feelings of jealousy, contempt, skepticism, guilt, arousal, envy
To fully feel may be a means to complete a part of an unresolved biography. It is the potential to release long held energies in body mind
Some memories are real but retrieved in symbolic form. Mythic elements like poetry can represent the truth more accurately than fact alone
Birth is the first life threatening trauma of the organism and first experience of surrender and transformation
Alters are created by people to deal with trauma. They distribute themselves and share a collective burden. They may not know that the others exist. They can often be full of homicidal rage.
To relive a trauma without awareness is to retraumatize. But this awareness doesn’t have to be cognitive. The therapist helps bring awareness by witnessing, mirroring, and not being drawn into the trance.
Medications can stop the emerging process and thwart healing, even for a schizophrenic
Rythmic drumming is a vehicle used by shamans to move into the spirit world
A shaman is qualified because they can mediate the experiences of others in profound states
Shadow isnt the opposite of a quality but a quality not expressed enough or too much.
Energetic transmission is palpable in groups. Ones energy circulates, finds, and reacts with others.
If our own material has been worked through, we dont have to protect ourselves from others. This enables you to stay balanced and grounded during a clients flood of grief, anger, elation. To believe that the healing process will work
The inner healer has the most benevolent agenda possible.
When the boundaries are permeable, the professional may experience what the client is experiencing
Underneath demonic energy is a terribly hurt child
It may be that different alters may make different agreements with the professional
The thirst of our soul for wholeness, or union with God, is our fundamental drive. So to not know ourselves produces divine discontent
the professional who doubts their competency will serve with less success. But have self compassion
You cant tale a client anywhere that you havent been yourself
There is value in accepting erotic transference and countertransference yet not acting in it sexually.
A client can benefit knowing they are experienced as an emotional and sexual being
Remain in accepting and nurturing and dont react in fear to a clients sexual longings
90% of therapists have been attracted to a client and 50% have been aroused during therapy
A professional can feel the quality and reverence for sexual energy
A client may feel their body as a holy object, using it to worship, they may see their sensuality as a gift and want to connect it with others. If they become frightened of it, they may depress it
Spiritual longing for union may be expressed as physical longing for union
Allow the client to feel their grief or anger
We are attracted to that which we are lacking in ourselves in order to feel complete
Are you communication to the client that its dangerous to proceed without you? This is disempowering them. Healing occurs because we stay out of the way. We provide protection, permission, connection
Dont try to control things. Its counter therapeutic
The degree of ethical vulnerability is relative to the professionals degree of unfulfilled need
The heart feels what is outside itself as if it were inside
You cant be a therapist and a friend
Do you try to appear as if you have more spiritual insight than the client? Dont be a guru
The sacred marriage is the alchemical symbol of the psychospiritual metaphor for the internal union of masculine and feminine parts and by extension, for the union to non duality
You cannot hide from god when you are part of it
Care authentically, examine your motives,
Be willing to tell the truth and ask for help
You may be susceptible to defense mechanisms such as:
Denial (denying the clients experience)
Projective identification ( project your own fear of malevolent spirits and then client adopts that view)
Anticipation (second guessing the clients experience in an attempt to control it)
Dissociation (getting triggered and not staying with someone)
Intellectualization (taking us out if our feelings in an attempt to give us a sense if control)
Omnipotence or Devaluation ( thinking you know everything and have god like powers of healing or that you have no capacity for negative influence)
Humor (used to deflect intimacy)
If the client sees shadow material in the professional, it has to be acknowledged and discussed in order for the relationship to continue
The guide must repeatedly expose themselves to experiences that touch them deeply, that throw them off balance and show them their weaknesses and inadequacies. They need to get out of the safety of their familiarity
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews