How the hidden drives and motivations of the Trimotive Brain determine our behaviour at work -- and what we can do about it.
Unless we are in physical danger few of us think we are living ‘under threat’. Yet our brains believe we are at risk many times a day.
Nowhere is this more true than at work, where our response to deadlines, budget cuts, abrasive managers, competitive colleagues and dissatisfied customers is too often controlled by a part of our brain that’s better suited to detecting, devouring or running away from predators. This is our threat brain, and on its own it is little help in dealing with the complex challenges of organisational life.
In Beyond Threat, business psychologist and international leadership and organisational change consultant Dr. Nelisha Wickremasinghe takes us beyond the threat brain and describes the workings of our evolved Trimotive Brain which can respond with intelligence and compassion to unwanted, unexpected and unpleasant life experiences – if we learn how to manage it.
A good book about our 'threat' brain and how we can understand it and our actions better, written from a coaching perspective the book gives an overview of the theory and some practical steps for change.
I can't even remember why I picked this up, or what I was reading that recommended this book and it's been gathering digital dust for about five years I think. Finally getting round to this book I can say that it has definitely been worth the wait. The best thing about the book for me, is that the tone is great. The author comes across as conversational, interesting without dumbing down the subject matter. A book about psychology and the brain could be very dry, but this is rooted very much in the 'leadership and coaching' shelf, rather than science. I suspect some could rip this to shreds from a science point of view but I did enjoy reading it and it gave me a lot of food for thought.
Some of the theory in here is familiar from any reading on emotional intelligence and the such like. We have a 'threat brain' which gets us out of trouble and is what is activated when we're in danger. It's served us well ever since survival has hinged on moment to moment decisions, but is less valuable now (good for getting out of the road when a car is coming, less so, if you're going into a meeting). There is the 'drive brain' which spurs us on, helps us get stuff done and then there is the 'safe brain', which is essentially our chilled space, where we relax, recover, reflect. The book isn't saying 'stay in safe brain', indeed, that may be bad for us, but it does have a premise that to many of us are living in 'threat' way to often, for to long, and that we need to be in our safe brain to make better decisions, recover, heal and be happy with ourselves.
The 'threat' brain effectively manifests itself in three ways 'moving against' - the pushing back, the combative, fight back, 'moving away' - fleeing, going within ourselves and becoming withdrawn and 'moving towards' - people pleasing, seeking approval and validation. Whilst the book provides examples of responding to these, I was reflecting upon myself, and how I find myself using a combination of 'moving away' and 'moving towards'. I notice that although I can be very outgoing, sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted I need to be on my own, cut others off, protect myself from the rest of the world. At other times, I find I am the archetypal people pleaser - I avoid conflict, I put others needs above my own even when I don't want to. I can't say no, and I am desperate sometimes (no matter how much I reflect on it) for validation, acceptance, love and affection.
(I often ask myself, 'what's enough' because I know I am loved, I know I am respected and valued and the answer is often 'I don't know').
The book posits that much of our responses form in childhood and are a symptom of what helps us survive. I get that, and I have been hyper aware of this with my own children trying my best to raise them as emotionally well rounded people and trying to minimise the harmful affects of adulthood perspectives (and accentuate the good stuff!). What I struggled with a little was reflecting on my childhood and I guess that I have a good relationship with it (and also, I'm probably not the screw up I think I am). I think I can trace this need for people pleasing quite clearly to childhood, and I have explored some darker elements of my psyche too, reflecting on how I feel. I've enjoyed this book, but it hasn't always been easy.
I also reflected on how systems, nations, communities of people can in effect live in different states. It seems most of the West is in permanent Threat mode and living in Moving Against and Moving Away. One could argue that most of the shitty things we see everyday is because populations are shit scared and terrified.
The examples of coaching in the last third of the book are interesting and have some good practical advice and techniques for unpacking this stuff (I am glad the author isn't saying 'get a coach'). It didn't escape my notice that all the examples were of highly successful executives who had been noted by their peers for being difficult to work with. I appreciate the recognition that 'they are human too' but anyone who has spent time with leaders will notice the narcissism, the psychological damage they cause and their sociopathic nature. There is something about the hyper-successful that causes damage to themselves and others. I kind of think society doesn't do enough to rein them in. And I guess, that's why I left the book feeling that I'm on top of this. Sure I have my good days and bad. Sure I had my share of trauma and love in childhood. This book is going to help me if I remember much of it, but I'm kind of glad I'm not the kind of person in the case studies.