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Shameless: How I lost my virginity and kept my faith
"Impressionistic and engaging ... Fankhauser boldly offers new wisdom."
- Bromleigh McCleneghan, pastor and author of Good Christian Sex
Shameless has been called Blue Like Jazz meets The Purity Myth .
Author Dani Fankhauser grew up as an evangelical Christian, enthusiastic about her faith-based decision to wait until marriage for sex.
When she was 26, she changed her mind. But she had a lot to learn...
This is her story.
Praise for Shameless :
"Engaging and charming."
"As much as I love my upbringing it has affected my sexuality deeply ... and not in a good way. I am happy to hear of Fankhauser's perspective and experiences learning about her body and sexuality. Thank you for writing such a bold book."
"I feel refreshed after reading Fankhauser's experiences and feel a renewed connection to my own sexuality -- that was unexpected!"
- Bromleigh McCleneghan, pastor and author of Good Christian Sex
Shameless has been called Blue Like Jazz meets The Purity Myth .
Author Dani Fankhauser grew up as an evangelical Christian, enthusiastic about her faith-based decision to wait until marriage for sex.
When she was 26, she changed her mind. But she had a lot to learn...
This is her story.
Praise for Shameless :
"Engaging and charming."
"As much as I love my upbringing it has affected my sexuality deeply ... and not in a good way. I am happy to hear of Fankhauser's perspective and experiences learning about her body and sexuality. Thank you for writing such a bold book."
"I feel refreshed after reading Fankhauser's experiences and feel a renewed connection to my own sexuality -- that was unexpected!"
- GenresChristianityChristian
116 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 17, 2017
11 people are currently reading
114 people want to read
About the author
Dani Fankhauser
4 books5 followersDani Fankhauser is a writer and energy healer.
Her fiction has been published by NonBinary Review, HAD, Sheepshead Review, and Nightshade Publishing, and long listed by Uncharted Magazine. She’s written about wellness and technology for Refinery29, Well+Good, The Cut, and Mashable.
Sister Earth is her first novel.
Her fiction has been published by NonBinary Review, HAD, Sheepshead Review, and Nightshade Publishing, and long listed by Uncharted Magazine. She’s written about wellness and technology for Refinery29, Well+Good, The Cut, and Mashable.
Sister Earth is her first novel.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
January 11, 2018
This is a quick and fantastic read that I would recommend to anyone that comes from a background of Evangelicalism or has been otherwise immersed in purity culture. Unlike other memoirs that center around the problematic elements of purity culture but that inevitably come to similar conclusions, Fankhauser turns the conversation on its head and introduces a new approach to faith and sex positivity. I think there is something to take away for anyone who reads this, even if only a fresh perspective.
November 26, 2017
I read Dani Fankhauser’s book in one sitting. What I loved about Shameless was the author took me on a journey of her decision to understanding God through intimacy. I felt part of the process, as if I were following her logic. It was because of this, as well as the very informative footnotes, that I felt she wrote the book to other young religious women who might find value in her experience. It’s not a manual for how to have sex outside of marriage, but it’s full of honest questions that I’m sure many, many girls ask themselves.
Finally, I wanted to share my favorite passage as a sample of the author’s wisdom: “My changing view of God’s character meant I had to rethink the role of a Christian—not to live a perfect life, avoiding any scrapes and bruises, but rather to make mistakes in the pursuit of loving others.”
I am not a practicing Christian but I went to Catholic school and church growing up, and consider myself spiritual. This passage spoke to me, as did much of Dani’s explorations into purposeful imperfection as a vehicle for intimacy and ultimately love. Which is kind of the whole point.
Finally, I wanted to share my favorite passage as a sample of the author’s wisdom: “My changing view of God’s character meant I had to rethink the role of a Christian—not to live a perfect life, avoiding any scrapes and bruises, but rather to make mistakes in the pursuit of loving others.”
I am not a practicing Christian but I went to Catholic school and church growing up, and consider myself spiritual. This passage spoke to me, as did much of Dani’s explorations into purposeful imperfection as a vehicle for intimacy and ultimately love. Which is kind of the whole point.
February 23, 2023
Wonderful!
I'm in my fifties, and dating someone who thinks God won't allow them to have sex until they're re-married, and that God also won't let them re-marry because they're previously divorced. Quite the conundrum! My hope is that this book will help them overcome their shame and guilt, and realize that God (and I) love them. Your writing is simple, honest, and refreshing. Thank you!
I'm in my fifties, and dating someone who thinks God won't allow them to have sex until they're re-married, and that God also won't let them re-marry because they're previously divorced. Quite the conundrum! My hope is that this book will help them overcome their shame and guilt, and realize that God (and I) love them. Your writing is simple, honest, and refreshing. Thank you!
January 11, 2020
Dani writes in a way that lets you know she thinks deeply. I loved her style of foreshadowing and alluding to things and then, bam, telling you exactly what unfolded. Shameless is a narrative about a woman redefining love and faith through her sexual expression and experience. A short and interesting read!
March 2, 2024
So beautiful!
I loved this book. Having grown up very similar to Dani, I understood exactly where she was coming from, with the deep-seated shame about sexuality and the ingrained beliefs about “purity”. I enjoyed hearing about her journey and seeing her be able to be both a Christian and comfortable in her sexuality.
I loved this book. Having grown up very similar to Dani, I understood exactly where she was coming from, with the deep-seated shame about sexuality and the ingrained beliefs about “purity”. I enjoyed hearing about her journey and seeing her be able to be both a Christian and comfortable in her sexuality.
March 19, 2023
A memoir of how the author changed from being person controlled by purity culture to being a person who is free to make her own choices regarding how much sex she has, with whom, and in which context (marriage or otherwise).
March 27, 2019
Amazing
Helped me a lot, I like the way she describes her own experience and how in the middle of it all she could see God’s grace
Helped me a lot, I like the way she describes her own experience and how in the middle of it all she could see God’s grace
September 10, 2021
As someone who grew up thinking sex was pretty much the unpardonable sin, I found this book very interesting and much needed on Christian bookshelves.
November 30, 2024
God’s Love is Bigger Than Our Rules
A young woman shares the stages of her growth and maturity as a Christian. She learns that God is bigger than all of our rules.
A young woman shares the stages of her growth and maturity as a Christian. She learns that God is bigger than all of our rules.
September 2, 2018
I finished the book in an hour and a half. (You could probably finish more quickly if you're a fast reader.) I felt almost guilty picking this book up, like I was cheating on my conservative, abstinence-beaten-into-me upbringing. But frankly I just wanted to see what the other side had to say, and if there was any wisdom to be mined from this take. We're not anywhere near having The Talk with our kids, but I thought maybe I'd get some different perspectives for when the time comes. Even if I plan to teach abstinence to my kids, I want a better way of talking about it, and less shame than the culture I grew up in.
Unfortunately, this book is so...... awkward. And NOT just because of the subject matter. The author mentions at one point that she wrote a college paper on this subject, and I suspect that a large part of the content was culled from it. But that's how it reads. Like a college paper. With some really awkward and intimate details sprinkled in where you're not sure if it's supposed to be funny or serious. The details would have been fine if they brought something to the discussion, but..... Anyway, her message is fine, but not developed enough or backed up with scripture. I guess I should have just jumped right to the book I'm actually interested in reading, Good Christian Sex, which is a more in-depth and (from what I can tell in the few pages I've already read) a much better written book.
The saving grace of this book is that it's short and was mildly interesting in that I really did want to find out how things "ended" on this woman's journey. The author and I are about the same age and both had similar upbringings, so it was almost like I could put myself in the story. Anyway, I really appreciate the author's honesty and perspective, but this book needs a lot of editing.
Unfortunately, this book is so...... awkward. And NOT just because of the subject matter. The author mentions at one point that she wrote a college paper on this subject, and I suspect that a large part of the content was culled from it. But that's how it reads. Like a college paper. With some really awkward and intimate details sprinkled in where you're not sure if it's supposed to be funny or serious. The details would have been fine if they brought something to the discussion, but..... Anyway, her message is fine, but not developed enough or backed up with scripture. I guess I should have just jumped right to the book I'm actually interested in reading, Good Christian Sex, which is a more in-depth and (from what I can tell in the few pages I've already read) a much better written book.
The saving grace of this book is that it's short and was mildly interesting in that I really did want to find out how things "ended" on this woman's journey. The author and I are about the same age and both had similar upbringings, so it was almost like I could put myself in the story. Anyway, I really appreciate the author's honesty and perspective, but this book needs a lot of editing.
September 28, 2023
An excellent read for anyone interested in learning about purity culture, anyone who grew up evangelical, and anyone who is deconstructing/moving on from purity culture.
As someone who grew up in the culture, I found this book super relatable. I am grateful to see a story like mine out there, especially written by someone who came to such similar conclusions.
Thanks for writing this!
As someone who grew up in the culture, I found this book super relatable. I am grateful to see a story like mine out there, especially written by someone who came to such similar conclusions.
Thanks for writing this!
July 4, 2023
Poorly written but I like the fresh take
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews