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Lies Women Believe
Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free
Counter the lies that keep you from abundant living.
Satan is the master deceiver and his lies are endless. And the lies Christian women believe are at the root of most of their struggles.
"Many women live under a cloud of personal guilt and condemnation," says Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. "Many are in bondage to their past. Others are gripped by fear of rejection and a longing for approval. Still others are emotional prisoners."
In best selling Lies Women Believe, Nancy exposes those areas of deception most commonly believed by Christian women—lies about God, sin, priorities, marriage and family, emotions, and more. She then sheds light on how we can be delivered from bondage and set free to walk in God's grace, forgiveness, and abundant life. Nancy offers the most effective weapon to ounter and overcome Satan's deceptions: God's truth!
318 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2000
1289 people are currently reading
10919 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
127 books445 followersNancy DeMoss Wolgemuth also known as Nancy Leigh DeMoss is the host and teacher for Revive Our Hearts and Seeking Him, two nationally-syndicated programs heard each weekday on over 1,000 radio stations. She is a mentor and spiritual mother to thousands of women and a leader of the True Woman movement.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 675 reviews
October 23, 2007
There are too many dangerous suggestions in this book for me to recommend it to any woman. Nancy Leigh DeMoss takes a very conservative view on gender roles and all domestic issues. I don't consider myself to be a raging feminist, but some of the things she asserts floor me.
First of all, DeMoss isn't married nor does she have children. It takes a very secure person to make the statements she does about marriage and childbearing/rearing. Most of her suggestions are based on her own childhood - which was apparently perfect. She goes so far as to compare her mother to Mary the mother of Jesus!
While she doesn't come out and say exactly what she means, the underlying meanings are there. Points I take issue with:
1. Women who work outside the home are the reason for all the troubles in the world today - troubled teens, affairs - I do think it takes two for an affair, childhood obesity, etc.
2. women who work are emasculating men and not depending on God to provide. "You think you have to get a job because your husband won't work? If he gets hungry he will probably work. You think you have to take over the finances or he will go into financial ruin? Maybe a bancruptcy is what he needs for God to change his character." - Unbelievable! This is quite dangerous. She also says that women who work make money so that it is easier for them to leave their husbands. Also very untrue. No working woman I know does so that she can one day leave her husband.
3. Birth control is next to abortion. While she calls it "family planning" and never actually uses the words birth control, it is right there. She also says that for a couple to "decide" when to have a child reduces children to "our creations" and not God's. I don't think that. She asserts that married women are called to be mothers and God will provide all you need for whatever children you have. The excuses she gives for people not having children are extremely relevant and not excuses at all. She does say that not every woman is called to be married and to have children, but she forgets that not all married women are called to have children either. She seems to think that because childbearing is a natural thing for a woman to do, that every married woman should have children (and lots of them).
4. She preaches against divorce at all costs. Even if you must remove yourself and your children from your husband for saftey reasons, you should remain emotionally attached to him. This I cannot take. This goes against all domestic violence research and statistics. This basically tells a woman that she should return to an abusive relationship.
5. Depression should be treated by the church alone. She does say that medications and "professionals" as she calls them do serve a small purpose. But, that depression cannot be treated right outside the church. I do believe that depression should heavily prayed through, but the so called "professionals" do have insights that a layperson - even clergy - does not have. I don't advocate medication for every single problem, but there are some things that call for it.
One of the biggest problems I have with her book is that she uses scripture out of context frequently. As on example, she uses Genesis 3:6 (Eve giving the fruit to Adam) to explain what happens when women take the reins over passive men. First off, there wasn't anything for Adam to be passive about for Eve to overstep him. This text isn't about a passive man. It is about human nature to want to override God and be his equal.
There is so much that I can't take about this book to put it all in one review. If you must read this book, do so for the sake of provoking conversation. It is at least that.
First of all, DeMoss isn't married nor does she have children. It takes a very secure person to make the statements she does about marriage and childbearing/rearing. Most of her suggestions are based on her own childhood - which was apparently perfect. She goes so far as to compare her mother to Mary the mother of Jesus!
While she doesn't come out and say exactly what she means, the underlying meanings are there. Points I take issue with:
1. Women who work outside the home are the reason for all the troubles in the world today - troubled teens, affairs - I do think it takes two for an affair, childhood obesity, etc.
2. women who work are emasculating men and not depending on God to provide. "You think you have to get a job because your husband won't work? If he gets hungry he will probably work. You think you have to take over the finances or he will go into financial ruin? Maybe a bancruptcy is what he needs for God to change his character." - Unbelievable! This is quite dangerous. She also says that women who work make money so that it is easier for them to leave their husbands. Also very untrue. No working woman I know does so that she can one day leave her husband.
3. Birth control is next to abortion. While she calls it "family planning" and never actually uses the words birth control, it is right there. She also says that for a couple to "decide" when to have a child reduces children to "our creations" and not God's. I don't think that. She asserts that married women are called to be mothers and God will provide all you need for whatever children you have. The excuses she gives for people not having children are extremely relevant and not excuses at all. She does say that not every woman is called to be married and to have children, but she forgets that not all married women are called to have children either. She seems to think that because childbearing is a natural thing for a woman to do, that every married woman should have children (and lots of them).
4. She preaches against divorce at all costs. Even if you must remove yourself and your children from your husband for saftey reasons, you should remain emotionally attached to him. This I cannot take. This goes against all domestic violence research and statistics. This basically tells a woman that she should return to an abusive relationship.
5. Depression should be treated by the church alone. She does say that medications and "professionals" as she calls them do serve a small purpose. But, that depression cannot be treated right outside the church. I do believe that depression should heavily prayed through, but the so called "professionals" do have insights that a layperson - even clergy - does not have. I don't advocate medication for every single problem, but there are some things that call for it.
One of the biggest problems I have with her book is that she uses scripture out of context frequently. As on example, she uses Genesis 3:6 (Eve giving the fruit to Adam) to explain what happens when women take the reins over passive men. First off, there wasn't anything for Adam to be passive about for Eve to overstep him. This text isn't about a passive man. It is about human nature to want to override God and be his equal.
There is so much that I can't take about this book to put it all in one review. If you must read this book, do so for the sake of provoking conversation. It is at least that.
July 20, 2012
I couldn't sleep after reading chapter seven "about children", her interpretation of the scripture she used for this chapter was reckless. She proclaims to be a Christian woman trying to help other women get free from bondage yet she heaps additional guilt and shame on them. No where in the bible does it state you cannot use methods of family planning, for her to equate birth control or sterilization with abortion is archaic and ridiculous. Jesus was compassionate and loving when he taught and corrected sinners, DeMoss is neither in this book. She puts her personal opinions on subjects she has no understanding of. God allows pain and difficulties to come into our lives so that we in turn can help others who go through similar situations, the purpose for this is so you can truly empathize not just throw legalistic judgmental garbage at someone who is already hurting. Maybe the author should take her own advice and be the passive mouse she is trying to guilt her readers into being. Why is it ok for her to teach, work, and complain she doesn't have time to do it all yet a mother of ten should suck it up and have a few more kids and be happy about being poor, unfulfilled and depressed. This book is not helpful, we need to raise each other up not heap more coals on the hurting and burdened. Stop using this as small group material and go to the Bible for wisdom, from the real author of Truth, Jesus Christ himself!
June 4, 2014
At some point one must use their brain and realize just because a writer says it is of God, does not mean it is.
April 21, 2010
After reading several reviews I figured I would hate this book. That I would disdain the chapters about how women's primary purpose is to take care of their husbands and children. That they shouldn't work outside of the home, or be on birth control, etc. Well, I have to say that Ms. DeMoss wrote in such a way that didn't offend me. Not to say that I don't push back against some of what is written. After all I am a working mom who will not be having any more children (unless God decides to change my body). But she does make you think, and I do agree that the my family is a higher priority than my job. So my suggestion is just don't surface read, but delve deeper. If you're familiar with the Bible, you'll see where she's getting her content. But remember, the main point of the book is that the Truth (Jesus) is the one who sets us free.
March 28, 2008
I read this book for a Bible study once and absolutely hated it. This woman is not married and doesn't have kids, but she has plenty of opinions about both. While they are supposedly Biblically based, I have to question her interpretation of the Bible in these regards. She sets some pretty unrealistic expectations of people (women especially), and says some even damaging things. Our group didn't even finish the book.
July 14, 2009
I read this book at the suggestion of a girl in my Bible study. She seemed to really like it, and we have similar tastes so I thought it was worth a shot.
I made it through the whole book, but barely. DeMoss seems to think she is an authority on all things female. I'm no feminist, but even I thought she went too far. I completely understand and try to abide by God's wish wives submit to their husbands. However, I felt like she was lecturing me, and for someone with no kids or a husband she seems to think she knows how women should handle both situations.
I can't decide if I was just too young [25 years old:] for the book or if it really is that bad. I also wondered if I wasn't receptive because I am a practicing cradle Catholic and she is clearly a non-denominational Christian.
Either way, I don't recommend the book. It was a waste of time, and I was so infuriated by her statements I couldn't concentrate on the content.
I made it through the whole book, but barely. DeMoss seems to think she is an authority on all things female. I'm no feminist, but even I thought she went too far. I completely understand and try to abide by God's wish wives submit to their husbands. However, I felt like she was lecturing me, and for someone with no kids or a husband she seems to think she knows how women should handle both situations.
I can't decide if I was just too young [25 years old:] for the book or if it really is that bad. I also wondered if I wasn't receptive because I am a practicing cradle Catholic and she is clearly a non-denominational Christian.
Either way, I don't recommend the book. It was a waste of time, and I was so infuriated by her statements I couldn't concentrate on the content.
Read
July 28, 2009I attend a conservative ladies Bible study and we are currently on chapter 5 of this book. While I do agree on a number of her views, there are other very disturbing beliefs that she has that I disagree with. I have the newest version of the textbook and workbook and have found it belligerent, demeaning towards women, and dangerous towards vulnerable groups. In chapter 3 she rants about women have no rights and we are not to expect any rights. In chapter 3,section 10 "I HAVE MY RIGHTS" (p. 73- p.76) she talks about a number of rights we women have no right to including the "Declaration of Independence" (p.73), "certain unalienable rights" (p. 73), "the right to vote" (p. 74), "the right to equal employment opportunities" (p.74), "the right to say what we want to say, to do what we want to do, to be what we want to be;" (p. 74), "However, I am convinced that the claiming of rights has produced much, if not most, of the unhappiness women experience today" (p.74). On p.74 she states "Nonetheless, the idea of claiming rights is in the air we breathe. The turmoil and rebellion of the 1960s was birthed out of a philosophy that promoted rights. This philosophy has permeated our Christian culture. It creeps into our conversations. It has shaped the way we view all of life." History was one of my worst subjects, the only turmoil and rebellion I can recall was civil rights for African Americans. So is she saying that African Americans have no rights also? When she says it has "permeated our Christian culture", is she saying Christians should be racist? Pages 74 and 75 she lists "assumed rights". While I agree with her that humans are notorious for claiming rights on frivolous stuff (frivolous stuff is my choice of words), I do not believe "you have a right to be valued by your husband and appreciated by your children" as frivolous. Is she saying that the woman has no right to expect her husband to follow his marriage vows of "love, honor, obey in sickness and in health, for better, for worse, till death do you part"? This contradicts the Bible stating "Husbands, love your wives,even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" (Ephesians 5:25). In Ephesians 5:28, it also says: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself". Is she saying that moms have no rights to expect their children to be respectful in everything they think, say, and do? If so, then the child has a right to curse, disrespect, and harm their mother? This contradicts the Bible saying "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it". All of Proverbs was written for children teaching them about honouring mom and dad, choosing the right mate, and the difference between right from wrong. She also lists "you have a right to be loved" as an assumed right, and also "you have a right to a good marriage" as an assumed right. So, is she saying that the wife is wrong to expect her husband to love her and not another woman? Is the woman wrong to expect a good marriage and not a dysfunctional marriage? God instituted marriage between ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN. God did not institute divorce (the breaking up of families). The KJV Bible is Gods love letter to us. It is his instruction book to us on how we should conduct ourselves with God, with our mate, with our families, and with each other. Gods Bible teaches us right from wrong. God is not the author of confusion! In the workbook on p.37, question #2 she calls them "supposed rights", and in question #4 on p.37, she asks: "In what area(s) of your life have you tended to think that something is your "right" when it may not truly be a "right" at all (e.g., you might think you have a "right" to a healthy marriage, good children, a problem-free church, faithful friends, etc.)?" On page 65 of the textbook (at the bottom of the page), Nancy Leigh DeMoss has a comment from a woman which is vulgar, demeaning, and inappropriate. I am not against women writing to her about how they were verbally, psychologically, emotionally, sexually, physically tortured, humiliated, abused, etc. What I am opposed to is when she reprints the vulgarity (that probably is safe to say has been told to most of us women as children). What is the purpose of adding abusive, intimidating, harrassing language in your book that is going to be read by the victims of such torment? Why open our old wounds and then pour acid on them? In chapter number 4 she talks about "victims" and while I do agree that if you get involved with something that is not of God, you will be burned and you asked for it, I do not agree that there are no victims. What about the wife whose husband ran off with another woman because the wife had a mastectomy due to breast cancer. Did the wife ask for it? Nancy Leigh DeMoss insinuates throughout this chapter that there are no victims. If something bad happens, then you asked for it. Also, she leads me to believe that if my husband one day comes home angry, and he gets violent with me, I should have the attitude of "oh yes! please honey, beat me with your baseball bat!" I find her offensive and demeaning, and dangerous. She says on page 95 of the textbook: "We choose to hold a grudge against someone who has wronged us, ignoring the fact that sooner or later, our bitterness will... destroy our capacity to think rationally: make us miserable and emotionally unstable; affect our bodies in such ways as chronic tiredness, loss of energy, headaches, muscle tension, and intestinal disorders; keep us from being able to experience God's forgiveness for our sins; make us hard to live with and cause people not to want to be around us." So a woman has no right to be depressed or sad due to whether an unfaithful husband? domestic violence? death of an unsaved family member? missing child? or any other tragedy that was NOT asked for. So the woman who is a victim of domestic violence, if she does not exhibit happiness at being beat up, then she will be "hard to live with and cause people not to want to be around" her? I find this reprehensible and disgusting! In the workbook from pages 124 to 127, she has suggestions for group leaders. On page 124 into 125 she states "(When introducing a time for discussion or testimonies, I sometimes tell women, "If you're having trouble landing you're plane, I'm going to help you out!) The way I see it is if Nancy Leigh DeMoss does not want to hear peoples testimonies, then she needs to not ask people to give one. On page 125 women who are struggling to understand a position and wants the group leader to explain it more fully, Nancy Leigh DeMoss calls these women "bleeding hearts". If I do not understand something then I have an obligation to find out. If that makes me a "bleeding heart", then I will wear the title honourably! Also she accuses women who are more talkative than others of turning the Bible study time into a therapy session ("You may also sense that a more talkative person wants to spend extra time talking with you too. It is important that your group meeting not turn into a therapy session. Ask the Lord to give you sensitivity and wisdom as you give direction to the discussion"). In conclusion, in the five chapters that I have read so far, Nancy Leigh DeMoss makes me feel and believe that I and every other woman is nothing more than a cigarette butt being ground into the pavement by her heel! I have no desire to even finish the textbook and workbook because I have noticed each chapter she becomes more abusive, offensive, nasty. I am not trying to defame nor harm the woman in any way. This is the first of her books I have ever read. I have heard only good about her and am very shocked, to say the least, that the copy I have is contrary to all that I have heard. I have tried to reason that "well, maybe I got a misprint". I don't know but I can't take the profanity, course language, abusive name calling, intimidation, and gross twisting of Gods Word anymore. Each chapter gets worse and worse and worse. All I have to say is be careful. If you have been hurt in your life whether a cheating husband, domestic violence, a death of a child/ family member, your parents abused you, or some other catastrophic tragedy, be careful, this book is brutal and insensitive. I am hoping I just got a bad misprint, but even so, I have decided I will not continue with the book, nor will I read any of her other books.
January 7, 2010
I only read this book because I had heard so much about it, mostly scary stuff, that I had to read it for myself. While I believe in theory some of what the author says, I don't believe for a minute that ALL of today's societal problems, i.e. single motherhood, welfare mothers, broken families, abortion, disruptive children, drug and alcolhol abuse, etc. are to be blamed on us women alone! (And she constantly traces it all back to Eve; basically its all her fault)!! And this what she basically explains in this book. The author believes women are put on this earth to either 1) get married, stay married forever and have as many children as possible and NEVER work outside the home, or 2) remain single. She does say in the book that Christian women should never use birth control, we should not get a job outside the home even if our husbands have lost thier jobs, ("they will work when they get hungry enough"). I do believe that each and every one of us has a purpose on this earth, and God uses us in different ways. She is saying that just because we are women, we are only here to procreate and be submissive wives to our husbands. If we do anything else, in her view that is interfering with what God's plans for our husbands. I didn't even finish the book, I was getting so sick to my stomach. But I'm glad to have read it so I could see for myself and judge for myself what this book was about. I would not recommend this book to anyone.
March 7, 2009
I really liked this book. I read it with a friend of mine. While we were both shocked and awed by some of the author's very conservative Truths and views, it opened our minds and really made us think about what God wants for us vs. what society says we should want. A good example of that is how wives should submit their husbands. That's a hard one to swallow. The only conclusion after much thinking, for me, was that it's written in the Bible many times. And since I believe what God says is true, it just is. So, God wants wives to submit. okay. That's just the way it is. I've been married only 8 months, but I've tried this little by little, and it actually works. My husband feels honored, wise and trusted. And in turn, loves me and respects me more because of it. It's a cyclical thing I guess. Anyway, I liked the book a lot, even though I thought there were some very conservative parts. Take those for what they are worth. The rest of the book is GREAT!
July 1, 2007
Favorite section of the book
The Spirit says: Forgive
The flesh says: hod a grudge
The Spirit says: be temperate
The Flesh says: Eat whatever you want, whenever you feel like it.
The Spirit says: Give that money to someone in need
The Flesh says: Spend the money on Yourself.
The Spirit says: Spend some time in the Word and prayer
The Flesh says: You've had a long day, chill out in front of the TV for the evening.
The Spirit Says: Hold your tongue. What you are about to say is not kind or necessary
The Flesh says: Tell it like it is!
The Spirit says: Forgive
The flesh says: hod a grudge
The Spirit says: be temperate
The Flesh says: Eat whatever you want, whenever you feel like it.
The Spirit says: Give that money to someone in need
The Flesh says: Spend the money on Yourself.
The Spirit says: Spend some time in the Word and prayer
The Flesh says: You've had a long day, chill out in front of the TV for the evening.
The Spirit Says: Hold your tongue. What you are about to say is not kind or necessary
The Flesh says: Tell it like it is!
February 9, 2024
“Believing lies places us in bondage. The truth has the power to set us free.”
Those two statements are the crux of this book, and I agree with them wholeheartedly. Which is why I could never in good conscience recommend it.
I’m trying to process why Lies Women Believe left me feeling mostly sad. I don’t think it’s simply because I disagreed with much of it. I think what has me disheartened is that it has been a very popular and widely recommended book in most Christian circles I know, which honestly just leaves me feeling very alone.
This book, which claims to challenge lies that place women in bondage, is ironically full of harmful, legalistic, spiritually abusive teachings rooted in mangled, twisted Scriptures and man-invented theologies.
It’s not that I disagreed with everything in the book. There were some very good points made about God’s love, God’s character, sin, and the identity of the believer. But woven throughout the good points was a steady stream of oppressive teaching that keeps women in terrible bondage (as evidenced through the many reader anecdotes scattered throughout).
Much of the book left me scratching my head or rolling my eyes at the absurdity and creative license taken. For example, we are told that Eve
committed the first sin—which was overeating.
Afterwards, she probably kept overeating—at least according to the “Eve’s Diary” excerpts, in which “Eve” writes, “[Ever since I took that fruit] I have this constant craving for food—once I start eating, I can’t stop, even when I know I should.”
Poor Eve now wondered if Adam still found her beautiful and attractive after wrecking his life, and she continued making his life generally miserable for the rest of their very long lives.
“Easily deceived” women have been leading men into sin ever since.
And, we are told, women have continued to struggle with the “sin” of eating too much as well, which is oddly repeated over and over throughout the book.
Other oppressive teachings presented in Lies Women Believe are:
•Believing that women should have “equal rights” produces unhappy, ungodly women. We aren’t supposed to claim our rights, but give them up, and really, we don’t have any rights anyway.
•We are to give up our rights to be loved,
to have a good marriage,
to be treated with respect or valued by our husbands,
and we most certainly never have the right
to be angry or take action.
•All forms of family planning are sinful and selfish. All of them.
•To not be a wife and mother is to miss the highest calling and design of womanhood.
•A good Christian woman, in a nutshell, is one who is attractive and beautiful,
not overweight but not underweight and also not too focused on her appearance,
does not work outside the home (even if the husband won’t get a job),
does not expect her husband to help around the house,
and accepts any responsibility she may have for abuse or hardship she may endure in her marriage.
Which brings me to one of the saddest parts of this book.
Frequently throughout, stories are shared of women enduring abusive marriages. These women are encouraged and praised for enduring abuse and not leaving. The author blatantly erases Scripture, leaving absolutely zero tolerance for divorce due to abuse or infidelity, and she encourages abused wives to endure the suffering of cruel husbands—to glorify God.
In a horrifying story, a woman named Cindy describes her husband’s abuse, and how she almost divorced him but “God gave her compassion” and she returned home. She stayed with her husband through a “vicious cycle of abusive behavior” even while their 14 year old daughter ran away and lived on the streets—because her father would not let her back in the house. She stayed while their teenage son became a drug addict and went to prison. Cindy literally sacrificed her defenseless children for an abusive husband (for the glory of God) and writes in a letter, “God is Lord of my life, and I believe He wants to use me to be a light for my family. If I don’t show them the truth of God’s amazing grace, who will? God has chosen me to be where I am…I say, Yes, Lord—whatever you want me to do.”
And that, right there, is why this book leaves me just so sad. Because the church culture which proliferates these teachings has taught millions of sincere women that God delights when they sacrifice themselves and their children on the idolatrous altar of abusive marriages and calls it “amazing grace.”
Promoted in this book are Jay Adams and much of his nouthetic counseling philosophy, Doug & Nancy Wilson, Martha Peace, Bill Gothard’s umbrella of authority concept (although Gothard is not mentioned, the concept is very clearly expressed), and the Quiverfull Movement.
For healthy alternatives to this book, I would recommend:
•Untwisting Scriptures books 1-4 by Rebecca Davis
•Rediscovering Scripture’s Vision for Women by Lucy Peppiatt
•Is it Abuse? by Darby Strickland
•Is it Me? by Natalie Hoffman
•The Life-Saving Divorce by Gretchen Baskerville
•Marg Mowczko’s blog at margmowczko.com/
(And newly published since I first wrote this review, How God Sees Women by Terran Williams.)
Those two statements are the crux of this book, and I agree with them wholeheartedly. Which is why I could never in good conscience recommend it.
I’m trying to process why Lies Women Believe left me feeling mostly sad. I don’t think it’s simply because I disagreed with much of it. I think what has me disheartened is that it has been a very popular and widely recommended book in most Christian circles I know, which honestly just leaves me feeling very alone.
This book, which claims to challenge lies that place women in bondage, is ironically full of harmful, legalistic, spiritually abusive teachings rooted in mangled, twisted Scriptures and man-invented theologies.
It’s not that I disagreed with everything in the book. There were some very good points made about God’s love, God’s character, sin, and the identity of the believer. But woven throughout the good points was a steady stream of oppressive teaching that keeps women in terrible bondage (as evidenced through the many reader anecdotes scattered throughout).
Much of the book left me scratching my head or rolling my eyes at the absurdity and creative license taken. For example, we are told that Eve
committed the first sin—which was overeating.
Afterwards, she probably kept overeating—at least according to the “Eve’s Diary” excerpts, in which “Eve” writes, “[Ever since I took that fruit] I have this constant craving for food—once I start eating, I can’t stop, even when I know I should.”
Poor Eve now wondered if Adam still found her beautiful and attractive after wrecking his life, and she continued making his life generally miserable for the rest of their very long lives.
“Easily deceived” women have been leading men into sin ever since.
And, we are told, women have continued to struggle with the “sin” of eating too much as well, which is oddly repeated over and over throughout the book.
Other oppressive teachings presented in Lies Women Believe are:
•Believing that women should have “equal rights” produces unhappy, ungodly women. We aren’t supposed to claim our rights, but give them up, and really, we don’t have any rights anyway.
•We are to give up our rights to be loved,
to have a good marriage,
to be treated with respect or valued by our husbands,
and we most certainly never have the right
to be angry or take action.
•All forms of family planning are sinful and selfish. All of them.
•To not be a wife and mother is to miss the highest calling and design of womanhood.
•A good Christian woman, in a nutshell, is one who is attractive and beautiful,
not overweight but not underweight and also not too focused on her appearance,
does not work outside the home (even if the husband won’t get a job),
does not expect her husband to help around the house,
and accepts any responsibility she may have for abuse or hardship she may endure in her marriage.
Which brings me to one of the saddest parts of this book.
Frequently throughout, stories are shared of women enduring abusive marriages. These women are encouraged and praised for enduring abuse and not leaving. The author blatantly erases Scripture, leaving absolutely zero tolerance for divorce due to abuse or infidelity, and she encourages abused wives to endure the suffering of cruel husbands—to glorify God.
In a horrifying story, a woman named Cindy describes her husband’s abuse, and how she almost divorced him but “God gave her compassion” and she returned home. She stayed with her husband through a “vicious cycle of abusive behavior” even while their 14 year old daughter ran away and lived on the streets—because her father would not let her back in the house. She stayed while their teenage son became a drug addict and went to prison. Cindy literally sacrificed her defenseless children for an abusive husband (for the glory of God) and writes in a letter, “God is Lord of my life, and I believe He wants to use me to be a light for my family. If I don’t show them the truth of God’s amazing grace, who will? God has chosen me to be where I am…I say, Yes, Lord—whatever you want me to do.”
And that, right there, is why this book leaves me just so sad. Because the church culture which proliferates these teachings has taught millions of sincere women that God delights when they sacrifice themselves and their children on the idolatrous altar of abusive marriages and calls it “amazing grace.”
Promoted in this book are Jay Adams and much of his nouthetic counseling philosophy, Doug & Nancy Wilson, Martha Peace, Bill Gothard’s umbrella of authority concept (although Gothard is not mentioned, the concept is very clearly expressed), and the Quiverfull Movement.
For healthy alternatives to this book, I would recommend:
•Untwisting Scriptures books 1-4 by Rebecca Davis
•Rediscovering Scripture’s Vision for Women by Lucy Peppiatt
•Is it Abuse? by Darby Strickland
•Is it Me? by Natalie Hoffman
•The Life-Saving Divorce by Gretchen Baskerville
•Marg Mowczko’s blog at margmowczko.com/
(And newly published since I first wrote this review, How God Sees Women by Terran Williams.)
August 23, 2008
Just like with any book outside of the Word of God, you cannot ever get 100% truth out of it. This book is a needed tool for this season of history. The Lord is coming back for a spotless and wrinkle free bride. Ignorance of sin does not make it any less sinfull. Having this woman be obedient to the writing of this book, and getting it out there for women to read is awesome. She is not married, nor does she have children, but Jeremiah was young when the Lord called him to prophesy to the nation of Israel. Young enough for him to question God's calling of him. God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Test everything against the Word of God, and ask fo discernment while reading this book. You might be suprised at who you have been without really knowing it.
June 27, 2014
"The great illusion of leadership is to think people can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there" - Henri Nouwen
In a nutshell that is what's wrong with this book; Nancy Leigh DeMoss, bless her heart, has never been married but writes about the husband/wife relationship with such absolute authority as though she knows. She does not. It is one thing to carefully read about, write about, explain in detail how to ride a horse; it's another thing altogether to get up on that horse and ride.
When DeMoss writes of wifely submission, she knows not of what she speaks. It is a simple thing to write about submission, to explain in detail what submission should look like; it is another thing entirely to actually in real life submit yourself to another sinful person. DeMoss is in Camelot, in La-La land writing about something for which she has no experience. Because at the end of the day DeMoss returns to her alone time never to deal with the actual fleshing out submission to a spouse.
The "Dear Diary" section at the beginning of every chapter is cringe-worthy; speaking for Eve, DeMoss speaks silliness putting foolish words into Eve's mouth.
Basically, by the end of the book, the dear reader is left to feel like a lout if there remain in her any sin because, well, because no matter the temptations that came DeMoss's way; she always overcame. Always.
So, okay, here and there DeMoss has some good things to say, but very unfortunately they get lost in the forest of her perfect self in her perfect world.
In a nutshell that is what's wrong with this book; Nancy Leigh DeMoss, bless her heart, has never been married but writes about the husband/wife relationship with such absolute authority as though she knows. She does not. It is one thing to carefully read about, write about, explain in detail how to ride a horse; it's another thing altogether to get up on that horse and ride.
When DeMoss writes of wifely submission, she knows not of what she speaks. It is a simple thing to write about submission, to explain in detail what submission should look like; it is another thing entirely to actually in real life submit yourself to another sinful person. DeMoss is in Camelot, in La-La land writing about something for which she has no experience. Because at the end of the day DeMoss returns to her alone time never to deal with the actual fleshing out submission to a spouse.
The "Dear Diary" section at the beginning of every chapter is cringe-worthy; speaking for Eve, DeMoss speaks silliness putting foolish words into Eve's mouth.
Basically, by the end of the book, the dear reader is left to feel like a lout if there remain in her any sin because, well, because no matter the temptations that came DeMoss's way; she always overcame. Always.
So, okay, here and there DeMoss has some good things to say, but very unfortunately they get lost in the forest of her perfect self in her perfect world.
January 6, 2014
Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets them Free has some very strong opinions about marriage and motherhood from a woman who is neither married nor a mother. Many of her opinions are "biblically based" in short, out of context verses or not supported with biblical Truth at all. DeMoss fails to take into account the changing social structure, economy, and role of the church in our society. I have tried very hard to finish this book and take from it what I can because there are some good bits presented, but you really have to dig deeper than what the author gives you. Many of the lies that she presents will resonate with both women and men because they are lies that our present society have presented to us through media.
Some lies that were covered fairly well
1. I'm Not Worth Anything
2. Physical Beauty Matters More Than Inner Beauty
3. Chapter 3: Lies About Sin
4. I Don't Have Time To Do Everything I'm Supposed to Do
5. I Can Make It Without Consistent Time In The Word and Prayer
6. If I Feel Something It Must Be True
7. I Shouldn't Have to Suffer
Some lies that deserve a more thorough study
1. The entirety of chapter two (Lies About God)- DeMoss is really on to something in this chapter, but she doesn't dig deep enough into any of the lies about God to paint a good enough picture of how great our Creator really is.
2. I Need to Learn to Love Myself- An interesting theory about selfishness that deserves a closer look
3. I Know My Child is a Christian Because He Prayed To Receive Christ at an Early Age- This is a much deeper theological study that has been tossed around in the church for centuries.
4. The Answer to Depression Must First be Sought in Medication and/or Psychotherapy- DeMoss suggests the Church take hold of these issues first, but doesn't take into account that the modern day church has been the one to drop the ball on much of what the Bible calls them to do. This needs to be a discussion of what the Church needs to be responsible for according to the scriptures.
Missing the mark:
I consider myself a feminist of sorts, and I feel that DeMoss goes too far on some points about modern day women. Again, it's because she fails to take into account the change in society and economy.
1. A Career Outside the Home is More Valuable and Fulfilling than being a Wife and Mother- This is in the Lies about Priorities section and really isolates a reader who is a working mother like myself. She goes as far as blaming working mothers of the ills of our society. Of course I wish I could stay home with my sweet boy until he is school age and June Clever it up every day (I have super cute pearls I could be vacuuming in), but bills have to be paid and one bread-winner isn't cutting it these days.
2. Chapter 6: About Marriage- It's odd that a woman who is not married is giving advice to women who are. Some of her points are fine like Women don't need a husband to be happy (something she can speak on) and Women shouldn't try to change their husbands because it creates turmoil in the marriage (obviously), but much of what she has to say is very dangerous. She suggests a dangerous level of submission to your husband. There is biblical submission and a marriage should follow that to be in God's will. No doubt submission is a scary thing and modern-day women shy away from it because of all the lies about it, but biblical submission is a beautiful thing if you understand it and study what it really means in the context of our modern-day marriages. DeMoss covers some of the common lies about submission and seems to be spot on, but then leads women down a dangerous path by stating "There are extreme situations where an obedient wife may need to remove herself and/or her children from proximity to her husband, if to remain in that setting would be to place themselves in physical danger. However, even in such a case, a woman can--and must--maintain an attitude of reverence for her husband's position..."(149). Later she states "A wife's submission to her husband, regardless of his spiritual condition, actually releases her from fear because she has entrusted herself to God..."(150). Are you kidding me? It's lies like this that keep women in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. This is NOT biblical submission. God calls us to submit to our godly husbands who are seeking His will and in turn the best for his wife and children.
3. Chapter 7: About Children- Again, the author does not have children and could not know the struggles of motherhood. You can read about motherhood all you want, but until you are a mother yourself you can't truly grasp what it means. My biggest problem is the lie "It's up to us to determine the size of our family." I have a problem with this first of all because it's not your business how many kids, if any, I will have and when. That is very personal information and I hate when people ask "when are you having kids?" the minute you say I DO or "when are you having the next one?" the minute the last baby just came into this world. What if I struggle with infertility or my mate hasn't come around to the idea of children yet and it's a sore subject? I also have a problem with the author's statements presented in the book. Here the author states "...the evangelical world--including many outspoken "pro-lifers"--has come to accept a number of philosophies and practices that are subtly 'antichildren' and 'antilife.' One of the fundamental tenets of feminist ideology has always been the right of a woman to determine for herself if and when she will have children and how many children she will have...[the Church] has been unwittingly influenced by this way of thinking, leading to the legitimization and promotion of such practices as contraception, sterilization, and 'family planning'...[which]attempts to limit human reproduction and thereby destroy life"(169). So what she's saying here is that if you are in any way taking control or responsibility for how many babies you produce, you are destroying life? Here's the issue I take with that: it suggests that I am not a good Christian woman because I am responsible with my body. My husband and I have one child. We decided that, but God may decide something else later down the road. We both have big hearts and there are a lot of children who need adopted. The idea presented in this book leaves out the idea that families can grow by other means. She mentions a friend who is having a fourth child (good for her!) and that friend mentions "some of the most critical comments we have heard are from people in our church." I can attest to that on the other end. When we told people that we were only having one kid, people all of the sudden decided it was their business. We heard comments like "you are letting down the Christian community" and "now the Muslims will overrun the Christians." Seriously, people? My baby-making habits are the business of my husband, me, and God. Thank you, have a nice day.
Overall, I think the messages in the book need to be examined more closely and some of them just discarded for the sake of the women in our society.
Some lies that were covered fairly well
1. I'm Not Worth Anything
2. Physical Beauty Matters More Than Inner Beauty
3. Chapter 3: Lies About Sin
4. I Don't Have Time To Do Everything I'm Supposed to Do
5. I Can Make It Without Consistent Time In The Word and Prayer
6. If I Feel Something It Must Be True
7. I Shouldn't Have to Suffer
Some lies that deserve a more thorough study
1. The entirety of chapter two (Lies About God)- DeMoss is really on to something in this chapter, but she doesn't dig deep enough into any of the lies about God to paint a good enough picture of how great our Creator really is.
2. I Need to Learn to Love Myself- An interesting theory about selfishness that deserves a closer look
3. I Know My Child is a Christian Because He Prayed To Receive Christ at an Early Age- This is a much deeper theological study that has been tossed around in the church for centuries.
4. The Answer to Depression Must First be Sought in Medication and/or Psychotherapy- DeMoss suggests the Church take hold of these issues first, but doesn't take into account that the modern day church has been the one to drop the ball on much of what the Bible calls them to do. This needs to be a discussion of what the Church needs to be responsible for according to the scriptures.
Missing the mark:
I consider myself a feminist of sorts, and I feel that DeMoss goes too far on some points about modern day women. Again, it's because she fails to take into account the change in society and economy.
1. A Career Outside the Home is More Valuable and Fulfilling than being a Wife and Mother- This is in the Lies about Priorities section and really isolates a reader who is a working mother like myself. She goes as far as blaming working mothers of the ills of our society. Of course I wish I could stay home with my sweet boy until he is school age and June Clever it up every day (I have super cute pearls I could be vacuuming in), but bills have to be paid and one bread-winner isn't cutting it these days.
2. Chapter 6: About Marriage- It's odd that a woman who is not married is giving advice to women who are. Some of her points are fine like Women don't need a husband to be happy (something she can speak on) and Women shouldn't try to change their husbands because it creates turmoil in the marriage (obviously), but much of what she has to say is very dangerous. She suggests a dangerous level of submission to your husband. There is biblical submission and a marriage should follow that to be in God's will. No doubt submission is a scary thing and modern-day women shy away from it because of all the lies about it, but biblical submission is a beautiful thing if you understand it and study what it really means in the context of our modern-day marriages. DeMoss covers some of the common lies about submission and seems to be spot on, but then leads women down a dangerous path by stating "There are extreme situations where an obedient wife may need to remove herself and/or her children from proximity to her husband, if to remain in that setting would be to place themselves in physical danger. However, even in such a case, a woman can--and must--maintain an attitude of reverence for her husband's position..."(149). Later she states "A wife's submission to her husband, regardless of his spiritual condition, actually releases her from fear because she has entrusted herself to God..."(150). Are you kidding me? It's lies like this that keep women in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. This is NOT biblical submission. God calls us to submit to our godly husbands who are seeking His will and in turn the best for his wife and children.
3. Chapter 7: About Children- Again, the author does not have children and could not know the struggles of motherhood. You can read about motherhood all you want, but until you are a mother yourself you can't truly grasp what it means. My biggest problem is the lie "It's up to us to determine the size of our family." I have a problem with this first of all because it's not your business how many kids, if any, I will have and when. That is very personal information and I hate when people ask "when are you having kids?" the minute you say I DO or "when are you having the next one?" the minute the last baby just came into this world. What if I struggle with infertility or my mate hasn't come around to the idea of children yet and it's a sore subject? I also have a problem with the author's statements presented in the book. Here the author states "...the evangelical world--including many outspoken "pro-lifers"--has come to accept a number of philosophies and practices that are subtly 'antichildren' and 'antilife.' One of the fundamental tenets of feminist ideology has always been the right of a woman to determine for herself if and when she will have children and how many children she will have...[the Church] has been unwittingly influenced by this way of thinking, leading to the legitimization and promotion of such practices as contraception, sterilization, and 'family planning'...[which]attempts to limit human reproduction and thereby destroy life"(169). So what she's saying here is that if you are in any way taking control or responsibility for how many babies you produce, you are destroying life? Here's the issue I take with that: it suggests that I am not a good Christian woman because I am responsible with my body. My husband and I have one child. We decided that, but God may decide something else later down the road. We both have big hearts and there are a lot of children who need adopted. The idea presented in this book leaves out the idea that families can grow by other means. She mentions a friend who is having a fourth child (good for her!) and that friend mentions "some of the most critical comments we have heard are from people in our church." I can attest to that on the other end. When we told people that we were only having one kid, people all of the sudden decided it was their business. We heard comments like "you are letting down the Christian community" and "now the Muslims will overrun the Christians." Seriously, people? My baby-making habits are the business of my husband, me, and God. Thank you, have a nice day.
Overall, I think the messages in the book need to be examined more closely and some of them just discarded for the sake of the women in our society.
August 19, 2020
I read this as part of a Bible study with a group of 20-30 something women at my church. I highly recommend reading it in this format. I've read a number of other Christian books dedicated towards women & was highly turned off by the archaic views expressed in this one. However, my group discussed each point, disagreed, &/or affirmed based on our beliefs while using the Bible to support our thoughts whether they were disagreements or affirmations to what the author wrote. Definitely don't read alone or you likely won't finish or may be very misguided (it took me about a year to read, & I don't read slow). I felt like the author was not a modern woman at all. As a mom, wife, & someone with a career, I took a major dislike to Nancy's interpretation of what a "good" Christian woman should be. She simultaneously manages to anger the wives & moms, alienate those who aren't while lets herself off the hook for not being a wife/mother even though that's basically a woman's only purpose... Side note: it wasn't all bad, but I wouldn't recommend it either unless a conversation piece was needed. Big kudos to our leader Sue for all her prior prep work & for being a contemporary Christian woman. Bottom line: there are better Christian books out there designed for women.
dnf
June 25, 2024This was going really well, but had to DNF in ch 8 “Lies women believe about children” as I was getting very depressed
July 25, 2024
“Deception has endless variations, which Satan tailors to our natural bents.”
I think every Christian woman should read this book! Nancy Wolgemuth has a way of gently, yet firmly presenting the facts. We have been given the Truth that has the power to overcome every lie; we don’t have to live by our emotions! There are no excuses, and she wants everyone to know that.
I think every Christian woman should read this book! Nancy Wolgemuth has a way of gently, yet firmly presenting the facts. We have been given the Truth that has the power to overcome every lie; we don’t have to live by our emotions! There are no excuses, and she wants everyone to know that.
July 20, 2022
I found myself captivated by the creativity of the author to write as Eve in the garden!
So much to say about this book! I’m excited to learn that there are versions for girls or teenagers because I think this concept can and should be learned at a young age to prevent a lot of time wasted for His glory because of fear created by believing a lie. I am talking about myself here, as for years I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough to be in ministry because my parents divorced when I was very young, and I don’t have a wholesome godly heritage. I believed I wasn’t “goody goody” enough. I strongly believe in and live in authenticity and try to follow the Holy Spirit’s prompting even if unconventional (to a certain degree.) So, I struggled to understand that balance. This lie that I believed wasted (in some ways) 5 years of my life where I just worked in advertising with my graphic design career and did my best, made a lot of money, but felt unfulfilled. Nevertheless, thanks be to God that he made it abundantly clear as I fasted and prayed for my next job and through the boldness and fierceness of my Pastor, I wound up serving the Lord in ministry along my favorite pastors in the world and loving every minute of it, and am extremely fulfilled and overflowing.
Anyways, although I don’t believe in everything she said in this book, like we cannot do everything we want. I believe we should work for the life we want to live. Instead of what most people do which is just to work to live. I think that a lot of women have a limiting belief here and we actually can do more than we think, but that is an entirely different book and discussion and I digress.
A lot of takeaways from this book! Here are a few quotes I marked:
🔸Our circumstances don’t make us what we are, they merely reveal to us what we are. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🔥
🔸 Joy, peace, and stability come from believing that every circumstance that touches our lives has first been filtered through His fingers of love and is part of a great eternal plan that He is working out in this world, and in our lives. 💯 🙌🏻
🔸Apart from being holy, we can never truly be happy. 🤯
🔸That lie was a self fulfilling prophecy. 🔥 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻✅
🔸Submission to God ordained authority honors God and brings blessing. 🥹
🔸Properly responding to suffering will produce sweet fruit in my life. ❤️🩹
So much to say about this book! I’m excited to learn that there are versions for girls or teenagers because I think this concept can and should be learned at a young age to prevent a lot of time wasted for His glory because of fear created by believing a lie. I am talking about myself here, as for years I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough to be in ministry because my parents divorced when I was very young, and I don’t have a wholesome godly heritage. I believed I wasn’t “goody goody” enough. I strongly believe in and live in authenticity and try to follow the Holy Spirit’s prompting even if unconventional (to a certain degree.) So, I struggled to understand that balance. This lie that I believed wasted (in some ways) 5 years of my life where I just worked in advertising with my graphic design career and did my best, made a lot of money, but felt unfulfilled. Nevertheless, thanks be to God that he made it abundantly clear as I fasted and prayed for my next job and through the boldness and fierceness of my Pastor, I wound up serving the Lord in ministry along my favorite pastors in the world and loving every minute of it, and am extremely fulfilled and overflowing.
Anyways, although I don’t believe in everything she said in this book, like we cannot do everything we want. I believe we should work for the life we want to live. Instead of what most people do which is just to work to live. I think that a lot of women have a limiting belief here and we actually can do more than we think, but that is an entirely different book and discussion and I digress.
A lot of takeaways from this book! Here are a few quotes I marked:
🔸Our circumstances don’t make us what we are, they merely reveal to us what we are. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🔥
🔸 Joy, peace, and stability come from believing that every circumstance that touches our lives has first been filtered through His fingers of love and is part of a great eternal plan that He is working out in this world, and in our lives. 💯 🙌🏻
🔸Apart from being holy, we can never truly be happy. 🤯
🔸That lie was a self fulfilling prophecy. 🔥 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻✅
🔸Submission to God ordained authority honors God and brings blessing. 🥹
🔸Properly responding to suffering will produce sweet fruit in my life. ❤️🩹
January 8, 2008
finally! i have embarked!
I will be reading this with Katherine in TW and doing the Bible study along with it. :-)
Different Lies that I've found
- there is not enough time to do everything
Truth: God has given us enough time to do everything in His Timetable. (Jesus Christ was able to finish His salvation plan in 3 years. He didn't do everything his disciples, people around him, etc, wanted him to do, He did what God purposed Him to do)
- There are certain sins that I cannot defeat
Truth: If I am a born again believer, I CAN overcome them. (personal: laziness) (Galatians 5)
- Even though my child shows no desire for God right now, s/he is a Christian because when s/he was young, s/he showed a fervency for God
Truth: If currently a person has no desire for the Lord or His glory, s/he probably was not saved in the first place. ** a crucial truth because otherwise parents pray wrongly for their children - asking for growth when they should be praying for salvation ** (personally: applies to realizations about *my* salvation, and my siblings)
**These are just a few tidbits that I remember most vividly, i really loved this book. Not only are there clear chapters, but also at the end of each chapter is a little summary bulletpointing the lie and truth to fight the lie**
I will be reading this with Katherine in TW and doing the Bible study along with it. :-)
Different Lies that I've found
- there is not enough time to do everything
Truth: God has given us enough time to do everything in His Timetable. (Jesus Christ was able to finish His salvation plan in 3 years. He didn't do everything his disciples, people around him, etc, wanted him to do, He did what God purposed Him to do)
- There are certain sins that I cannot defeat
Truth: If I am a born again believer, I CAN overcome them. (personal: laziness) (Galatians 5)
- Even though my child shows no desire for God right now, s/he is a Christian because when s/he was young, s/he showed a fervency for God
Truth: If currently a person has no desire for the Lord or His glory, s/he probably was not saved in the first place. ** a crucial truth because otherwise parents pray wrongly for their children - asking for growth when they should be praying for salvation ** (personally: applies to realizations about *my* salvation, and my siblings)
**These are just a few tidbits that I remember most vividly, i really loved this book. Not only are there clear chapters, but also at the end of each chapter is a little summary bulletpointing the lie and truth to fight the lie**
August 8, 2010
I really wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. While there are portions of the book that have good advice and suggestions, there are too many parts that I do not believe are correct to suggest the book to anyone. I can't believe that over one-half million copies of this book have been sold, hopefully people are thinking about what they are reading and not just taking it to be true because it's supposed to be a Christian book. I would argue that some of her assertions are unbiblical, at least from my point of view. Some of the ideas she presents in the book totally floored me and I can barely imagine how anyone would believe that, but to each their own.
December 28, 2021
This book is like a chocolate covered radish. It looks good on the outside, but it is bitterly disappointing on the inside. And I like radishes!
Nancy, wrote this book first when she was single and then has revised it over time, adding more info to it. However, in this book, the use of the Word of God or misuse is horrific. It enslaves women, rather than setting them free. I don't often rate a book 1 star, but this one deserves it. It is sad as I don't believe this was the author's intent, but she is bound in her own legalism and cannot see what she is doing, enslaving women and driving them away from God.
Nancy, wrote this book first when she was single and then has revised it over time, adding more info to it. However, in this book, the use of the Word of God or misuse is horrific. It enslaves women, rather than setting them free. I don't often rate a book 1 star, but this one deserves it. It is sad as I don't believe this was the author's intent, but she is bound in her own legalism and cannot see what she is doing, enslaving women and driving them away from God.
October 2, 2019
Do not recommend.
July 3, 2017
We chose this book at church once for a Ladies Bible study, and I did not enjoy the book or study guide questions at all. I am not a fan of Nancy Leigh DeMoss nor of Elisabeth Elliott. They just turn me off. I've heard E.E. speak in person on several occasions and just did not resonate with her; she comes across as too opinionated and presumptuous. Our group took issue with a lot of NLD's assertions, and many of the lies she claims women believe are just a little off base. She had to really press the issue to come up with some of these lies. This book overall just made me angry. I do not recommend.
October 2, 2022
This book deserved every penny I gave to buy it! This book's main focus are the lies of Satan that are very well hidden in our modern world. Totally recommend for the persons that ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE IN THE TRUTH !!! If you want to stay in the lies is your own choice but who wants to live in freedom I warmly recommend this book!
December 30, 2017
DeMoss has been one of my favorite teachers for years. I always come away blessed and convicted. When I skimmed through the Table of Contents, I didn't think I would get much out of this book. So many of the lies I saw I went "No way to I believe that stuff. Intellectually, I don't think that there was a single thing in her believed. However, Lies are like weeds - they are always growing and creeping in unless you are rooting them out. I found that I had let more lies then I thought creep into my heart.
I highly recommend this book to every Christian woman.
I highly recommend this book to every Christian woman.
January 2, 2022
It’s certainly not the worst book I’ve ever read. As I began I found myself in agreement with much of what was written, although there were places where I don’t personally track with the author’s theology (for instance, the idea that Eve “seduced her husband to sin” and that she “wrecked his life.” )
Some of what this book got right was:
-Encouragement that those in Christ are free of guilt and condemnation. You don’t have to be gripped by the fear of what people think or of chasing after the approval of others. Your value is not up for a vote.
-The claim that the author’s goal is not for the reader to agree with everything she says, but to motivate the reader to seek the truth and evaluate their lives in light of it.
-Reminders that the deepest longings of the heart can never be filled by other people or things.
-She approached the topic of priorities in a gentle way, not attempting to dictate a woman’s priorities or place guilt trips on people for not doing enough.
-She addresses the topic of depression in a way that acknowledges many people suffer with it, and it is not necessarily an indicator of one’s spiritual condition.
However, once I reached the chapter on marriage things really started to fall apart.
I have the same complaints about this book that I have about most other books for Christian women.
1. There is a disclaimer about abuse, which says it is wrong, no husband is ever justified in abusing his wife, and to get help if you suspect you’re being abused. She even mentions the idea of “polite abuse”, which implies that non-physical forms of manipulation and intimidation are wrong. However, when she encourages victims to seek help, she specifies that you should get to a safe place if you are being *physically* harmed. The rest of the book is sprinkled with illustration after illustration of women who stayed through decades of a “miserable marriage.”
2. It is pretty clear that she has a severe lack of understanding regarding abuse. One cannot tell women that it is not ok for them to be abused, then in multiple places refer to the following all in a positive light: women enduring a “miserable marriage”, a “troubled marriage”, a “difficult marriage”, marriage to “a difficult and ungodly man”, and even a marriage where a woman is “suffering”.
3. Over and over the author gives positive illustrations of women living in these types of marriages for *decades.* She normalizes the idea of women suffering for an entire lifetime in their marriage. “Even a lifetime is not forever,” she says.
4. There is an entire chapter devoted to the idea that thinking one has personal rights is a lie from the devil. According to the author, you are deceived if you think you have a right to be respected and loved. For clarity on why you absolutely have a right to be treated with respect, I recommend the book “Untwisting Scriptures” by Rebecca Davis.
5. The book promotes silly, cliche ideas that women are supposed to tiptoe around their husband’s ego so that he can be the “spiritual leader.” If you have an opinion about something, as a wife, you are only supposed to express that opinion a certain way, in a certain tone of voice, a certain number of times, and at the end of the day, your husband is the authority in all things, no matter how badly his decisions will affect you and your children. As long as he is not requiring you to sin, you must obey your husband’s every command.
6. Wives are to love and forgive without limit. Now, I have no problem with loving and forgiving, but based upon the context of the whole book, the reader actually understands forgiveness to mean never, ever leave your marriage for any reason. “There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change,” she says. Of course God is able to change anyone, but that is a very different thing from the fact that the vast majority of abusers *choose not to let God change them.* She gives wonderful illustrations of women who prayed and waited for their husbands to change - and they did! That is a wonderful thing, and many women find themselves led by God to take this approach. However, on the other hand there is not a single illustration, out of thousands which could be given, of godly women who said “I will not be party to my husband’s sinful actions.” “I will trust God to provide my needs as a single mother.” “I will not assume the guilt of ‘breaking the marriage covenant’ when in fact I kept every vow I made. My husband is in actuality the one who wronged his family, and this piece of paper is only an official acknowledgment of the irreparable damage he did."
I could elaborate more, but I promised myself I’d try to be succinct. Though I have no reason to think negatively of the author as a person, and though she does have some good things to say, it is clear that she views and writes about life from a lens that has no real understanding of abuse. If one truly understands abuse and still flippantly tells women that “at least a lifetime is shorter than forever” then I seriously question whether their conscience works properly. So while I certainly hope she does not advise women in such a way out of cruelty; she nevertheless offers extremely damaging advice, and I can in no way recommend this book.
Some of what this book got right was:
-Encouragement that those in Christ are free of guilt and condemnation. You don’t have to be gripped by the fear of what people think or of chasing after the approval of others. Your value is not up for a vote.
-The claim that the author’s goal is not for the reader to agree with everything she says, but to motivate the reader to seek the truth and evaluate their lives in light of it.
-Reminders that the deepest longings of the heart can never be filled by other people or things.
-She approached the topic of priorities in a gentle way, not attempting to dictate a woman’s priorities or place guilt trips on people for not doing enough.
-She addresses the topic of depression in a way that acknowledges many people suffer with it, and it is not necessarily an indicator of one’s spiritual condition.
However, once I reached the chapter on marriage things really started to fall apart.
I have the same complaints about this book that I have about most other books for Christian women.
1. There is a disclaimer about abuse, which says it is wrong, no husband is ever justified in abusing his wife, and to get help if you suspect you’re being abused. She even mentions the idea of “polite abuse”, which implies that non-physical forms of manipulation and intimidation are wrong. However, when she encourages victims to seek help, she specifies that you should get to a safe place if you are being *physically* harmed. The rest of the book is sprinkled with illustration after illustration of women who stayed through decades of a “miserable marriage.”
2. It is pretty clear that she has a severe lack of understanding regarding abuse. One cannot tell women that it is not ok for them to be abused, then in multiple places refer to the following all in a positive light: women enduring a “miserable marriage”, a “troubled marriage”, a “difficult marriage”, marriage to “a difficult and ungodly man”, and even a marriage where a woman is “suffering”.
3. Over and over the author gives positive illustrations of women living in these types of marriages for *decades.* She normalizes the idea of women suffering for an entire lifetime in their marriage. “Even a lifetime is not forever,” she says.
4. There is an entire chapter devoted to the idea that thinking one has personal rights is a lie from the devil. According to the author, you are deceived if you think you have a right to be respected and loved. For clarity on why you absolutely have a right to be treated with respect, I recommend the book “Untwisting Scriptures” by Rebecca Davis.
5. The book promotes silly, cliche ideas that women are supposed to tiptoe around their husband’s ego so that he can be the “spiritual leader.” If you have an opinion about something, as a wife, you are only supposed to express that opinion a certain way, in a certain tone of voice, a certain number of times, and at the end of the day, your husband is the authority in all things, no matter how badly his decisions will affect you and your children. As long as he is not requiring you to sin, you must obey your husband’s every command.
6. Wives are to love and forgive without limit. Now, I have no problem with loving and forgiving, but based upon the context of the whole book, the reader actually understands forgiveness to mean never, ever leave your marriage for any reason. “There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change,” she says. Of course God is able to change anyone, but that is a very different thing from the fact that the vast majority of abusers *choose not to let God change them.* She gives wonderful illustrations of women who prayed and waited for their husbands to change - and they did! That is a wonderful thing, and many women find themselves led by God to take this approach. However, on the other hand there is not a single illustration, out of thousands which could be given, of godly women who said “I will not be party to my husband’s sinful actions.” “I will trust God to provide my needs as a single mother.” “I will not assume the guilt of ‘breaking the marriage covenant’ when in fact I kept every vow I made. My husband is in actuality the one who wronged his family, and this piece of paper is only an official acknowledgment of the irreparable damage he did."
I could elaborate more, but I promised myself I’d try to be succinct. Though I have no reason to think negatively of the author as a person, and though she does have some good things to say, it is clear that she views and writes about life from a lens that has no real understanding of abuse. If one truly understands abuse and still flippantly tells women that “at least a lifetime is shorter than forever” then I seriously question whether their conscience works properly. So while I certainly hope she does not advise women in such a way out of cruelty; she nevertheless offers extremely damaging advice, and I can in no way recommend this book.
March 3, 2014
I read this book probably 5 years ago. I'm so glad the Holy Spirit led me to this book. You will get mad at it because it breaks the stereotypical feminist ideals society has force fed you all your life. If you get mad ..keep reading..eventually you'll become convicted. I recommend this book to every woman. I have bought a copy in Spanish to let my sister-n-laws read it and I've loaned out mine several times. Buy it, read it, and share it with others. While I was reading it I told my husband all the truths that God was opening my eyes to and my husband asked if there was one for men so that he can read it. <3
For this nonsense about her not having a husband or children- I honestly never knew and I wouldn't be able to tell from reading it, but God didn't have a wife; Jesus didn't have a wife or children.. but they sure had a lot to say about the subject...do you not take their advice either?
For this nonsense about her not having a husband or children- I honestly never knew and I wouldn't be able to tell from reading it, but God didn't have a wife; Jesus didn't have a wife or children.. but they sure had a lot to say about the subject...do you not take their advice either?
June 26, 2013
When I started reading this I was a bit cautious because it was written by a woman who is not married or has children. I gave it the benefit of the doubt (God can certainly use anyone); however, when she made the statement that people who use any form of birth control have the same attitude as someone who has an abortion, this went into the trash. She clearly puts birth control on the same level as abortion and this was absolutely disgusting to me. Some books I can "agree to disagree" with the other and just glean what I can from their writing but in this case it so tainted the rest of the book that I couldn't even finish it. I have to admit I am unwilling to read anything by this author now.
November 7, 2007
this is one book that I will always go back to for a right and true perspective on God and His ways for me. Nancy's insight gives genuine hope for all of us women who need perspective that is true and holy... some of it is not easy to hear but often what is best.
February 28, 2018
As with many non-fiction "self-help" style books, I typically will make the recommendation to read with the idea of a filter or sieve in mind. Take what you want from the book and leave the rest. Not everyone lives the same way and may not agree with the totality of the contents in a self-help book. In fact, the reader may only agree with parts of it or maybe will not agree with anything at all.
Due to that filter philosophy, I can be pretty openminded with these personal development books and am understandable that what works for one may not work with all. However, with this book I have difficulty recommending this to anyone.
At the beginning, I found I agreed with some of the information. However, as the book progressed, I started to have difficulty even reading the content. For example, this book does not believe in gender equality. I would not say I'm an outspoken feminist but this book was clear in promoting women not to be making an income or having a career. In fact, it was adamant to mention that as a woman if you have a career, that could be an understandable reason your husband is having an affair. But then also, it mentions, in no way should a marriage end even if there is physical harm involved.
This book is for a specific audience and unfortunately, that audience was not me. I definitely would not be recommending this book to others because I think it contains a lot of unhealthy information that is being promoted.
Due to that filter philosophy, I can be pretty openminded with these personal development books and am understandable that what works for one may not work with all. However, with this book I have difficulty recommending this to anyone.
At the beginning, I found I agreed with some of the information. However, as the book progressed, I started to have difficulty even reading the content. For example, this book does not believe in gender equality. I would not say I'm an outspoken feminist but this book was clear in promoting women not to be making an income or having a career. In fact, it was adamant to mention that as a woman if you have a career, that could be an understandable reason your husband is having an affair. But then also, it mentions, in no way should a marriage end even if there is physical harm involved.
This book is for a specific audience and unfortunately, that audience was not me. I definitely would not be recommending this book to others because I think it contains a lot of unhealthy information that is being promoted.
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