Soulfully Gay: How Harvard, Sex, Drugs, and Integral Philosophy Drove Me Crazy and Brought Me Back to God

by Joe Pérez

Soulfully Gay is a personal memoir of an intellectually rigorous gay man wrestling with fundamental issues of meaning and self-acceptance. Joe Perez finds himself on a quest to understand what it means to be gay at the intersection of conflicts between homosexuality and Christianity, faith and skepticism, mysticism and madness. His journey unfolds amid challenges to his health as a recovering addict, a survivor of a psychotic episode, and a man living with AIDS. Joe is able to integrate seemingly contradictory elements—his Roman Catholic upbringing versus his openly gay lifestyle, his authentic mystical experiences versus the delusions for which he was hospitalized. With a solid understanding of theology and an ability to see through the veils of political correctness, Joe brings a new level of intellect and understanding to the challenges of being a gay man.

Genres: Religion, LGBT, Memoir, Gay, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Queer

352 pages, Paperback

First published May 8, 2007

Reviews

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting read, especially for people who wonder at how same-gender orientation "works" within traditional Christian (in this case Catholic) culture. There are certainly some hard/harsh moments, but also quite a few gems. Indeed, there was one section that I found so compelling (re: the heterosexism of religion and Divine homophilia vs heterophilia) that I may focus on it in doctoral studies in the future.

Obviously, not a book for everyone...but it certainly gave me a few things to think about.

[Teagan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some moments of brilliance, but much is muddled in his though process. But that's the nature of the book. It's cobbled together from his blog entities that year. As such many parts are not cohesive. The fantastic elements of his life, (visions, psychotic breaks) do not translate as well to the page. However perez's journey is an intriguing and thought provoking one. Recommended for spiritual / religious folks who are gay. Unfortunately Perez really only talks about gay male attraction, lifestyle. He does not successfully into grate the other letters LGBT.

[Blake Kanewischer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is an honest exploration of the various paths the author goes down trying to reconcile integral philosophy (Ken Wilber) with being gay and a person of spirit/faith. It's a bit of a let-down, because it's a disjointed (maybe that's the point?) book that doesn't really seem to reward me enough for having slogged through the descriptions of integral philosophy.

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I threw this zero-star book in the trash--what a horrible anti-God book from a drugged, mentally ill author that pretends to be about a gay man's search for spirituality.

I could literally go page-by-page and refute or disagree with almost everything he writes. Perez, of course, is a Harvard "intellectual" who lost his Catholic faith, became what he calls an agnostic, and THEN decided to major in religion, as well as going to divinity school! There are so many anti-Christian false statements that he is totally intellectually dishonest, merely using religion to reveal his own self-hatred and bitterness due to his brother dying of AIDS and himself getting AIDS when he was 24 (after he claims it was from giving a guy a blowjob!).

This is the ultimate revelation of man making himself God while rejecting any form of objective truth, and despite what the book's subtitle says, Perez does NOT get "brought back to God." Instead he sets himself up as God, claiming to be a "mystic" where the spirit talks directly to him and creating a dumb neutral holiday called Yuletide (that even his gay supporters slam).

He admits to his sex and drug "addiction," yet he doesn't appear to make the connection that those things may be the cause of his health issues and his mental illness. Instead he boldly says he has "refused to accept responsibility for becoming HIV infected, so it seemed I had nobody to blame except Ronald Reagan, society, fundamentalists, and the God I didn't believe in." Classy. He goes out and has unprotected sex with another guy, makes the choice to be irresponsible, then wants to blame those he hates for the consequences of his action. So typical of the community, which wants to blame society for individual choices.

Perez has the gall to then claim that unlike some Christians' claims that HIV is punishment from God, AIDS actually can be blamed on religious groups. It makes no sense when he says it in the book, and you soon discover he's simply a contrarian that wants to blame everything on conservative Christianity.

He also says that the judgmental Christian "hostility and hatred toward the body, sexuality, women, and homosexuals" may be part of the evolutionary process to project open sexuality forward in society! Kind of a necessary evil that will backfire on God believers? He fails to see that the true purpose in biblical sexuality is to uplift it as something sacred and a divine representation of God, beyond impersonal animalistic lust.

Perez then condemns those who call him evil. After reading his book I would agree with his critics--he's evil and manipulates his "research" and "objectivity" to prove preconceived biased theories that come from his bitterness. But he's also a drug-influenced mentally ill man who spews his own hatred and intolerance in the name of his own fake spirituality. Funny how the people who claim to the be most accepting, tolerant, and concerned for diverse representation suddenly become the biggest hate-filled, judgmental filth-spewers who want to condemn and do away with conservatives, Republicans, or Christianity. So much for tolerance and diversity!

This man's book is worthless except that it reveals how warped a Harvard and divinity school education can be in killing a man's spirit. There's nothing soulful about this book beyond his being dead and he's trying to bring everyone down with him.

[Mckinley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A philosophy of life should keep me grounded in being in the world and in my body and emotions, affirm the value and dignity of life, and encourage living with richness, abundance, and an ethical sensitivity toward others. A rich and abundant life, it seems to me, is one that affirms out individuality, encourages deep affectionate, and intimate long-term relationships and friendships, and keeps us conscious of our interconnectedness with the pulses and rhythms of nature in joyous and nondestructive ways.
A philosophy of life should have a realistic appraisal of the dark side of life and the potential for humans to think and act in delusional, destructive, and death-dealing ways. The philosophy must also demand that individuals take responsibility for their own beliefs and actions, and insist that we strive to own our projections of negative attributes, rather than directing our attention to the supposed evil of others or to matters outside our control.
A philosophy of life should define spirituality as the sum of our efforts to realize greater self-awareness and to overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors that keep us from living with inner peace and health of mind, body, and spirit. A philosophy of life should not seek to diminish, sentimentalize, or rationalize the mysterious and awe-inspiring nature of life. And it should avoid providing supposedly certain answers for understanding the mystery of death.
A philosophy of life should invite us to live humbly with an awareness that what immortality is to be found in life may be had by directing our full energy and attention to this life and this world as it presents itself to us, and by honoring with gratitude the memories of the departed and the best wisdom traditions of all those on whose shoulders we stand.

[Neil Mudde · Rating 1 out of 5]

Here is a book, that when I picked it up, seemed interesting, the title certainly is a "grabber" being gay, depression,HIV, Catholic Church,I found the introduction by Mr Perez the most interesting part of the book, I started out reading,the rest of the book, and this type of writing perhaps shows my ignorance & lack of understanding the English language, I realize there seem to be raves about the book, however I simply found it too intellectual for my thinking, perhaps it is the Integral Philosophy that bugged me throughout the book, not to speak of his mystical experiences which seemed more like delusions to me, why do people have a need to rehash ancient old religious theories, most of which have never be proved. this ultimate "pie in the sky: in the hereafter, does not interest me in the least, I am here and now, what I do here is what counts.
Would love to read the interesting story of Mr Perez's life, in everyday laymen's terms.