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Hot Damned #5
A Fashionably Dead Christmas
This is holiday paranormal romantic comedy novella for your reading pleasure!
It’s Christmas at the Cressida House and all Hell is breaking loose.
Tree? Decorated and lit. Elf on a Shelf? Seated with style. Baby Jesus on the mantle? Fourteen neatly in a row. Life sized Nutcracker? Creepy, but standing proud. Invitations sent to entire immortal family to celebrate the holiday? Possibly the stupidest damn thing I’ve ever done.
Mixing Heaven and Hell on my cousin’s famous birthday seemed like such a brilliant idea. I wanted my baby’s first Christmas to be special—memorable. I’d like chalk my heinous idea up to having been fallen down drunk, but that won’t fly as it’s insanely difficult for a Vampyre to tie one on. So instead I’ll deal with obscene gifts from relatives, kidnapped rock stars and catering by Mother Nature.
To complicate matters, our new family pet thinks the whole house is his toilet. Ethan and I can’t even find a room with working lock on the door to spread a little holiday cheer.
Never, never again. Christmas from now on will be at a freakin’ spa for the undead—no poles for dancing and no slumber parties with the Devil.
I just have to make it through the next twenty-four hours without beheading a beloved one.
Merry freakin’ Christmas—and Happy New Year.
It’s Christmas at the Cressida House and all Hell is breaking loose.
Tree? Decorated and lit. Elf on a Shelf? Seated with style. Baby Jesus on the mantle? Fourteen neatly in a row. Life sized Nutcracker? Creepy, but standing proud. Invitations sent to entire immortal family to celebrate the holiday? Possibly the stupidest damn thing I’ve ever done.
Mixing Heaven and Hell on my cousin’s famous birthday seemed like such a brilliant idea. I wanted my baby’s first Christmas to be special—memorable. I’d like chalk my heinous idea up to having been fallen down drunk, but that won’t fly as it’s insanely difficult for a Vampyre to tie one on. So instead I’ll deal with obscene gifts from relatives, kidnapped rock stars and catering by Mother Nature.
To complicate matters, our new family pet thinks the whole house is his toilet. Ethan and I can’t even find a room with working lock on the door to spread a little holiday cheer.
Never, never again. Christmas from now on will be at a freakin’ spa for the undead—no poles for dancing and no slumber parties with the Devil.
I just have to make it through the next twenty-four hours without beheading a beloved one.
Merry freakin’ Christmas—and Happy New Year.
258 pages, Paperback
First published December 15, 2015
1045 people are currently reading
1282 people want to read
About the author
Robyn Peterman
88 books3,257 followersRobyn writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include shoes (the expensive kind), Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, and bejeweled reading glasses.
A former professional actress, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count. Writing gives her a chance to have a job where working in her P.J.’s is acceptable. You can follow Robyn at http://www.robynpeterman.com and at Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-P....
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews
December 5, 2018
I haven’t read any of the other books in this series but I will now. This story was adorably silly. I’ve seen some crazy Christmas mixtures but even I never tossed Mother Nature, Satan and vampires together around the Christmas tree. Christmas Chaos, baby! Yay!
September 20, 2016
In this novella, Astrid throws a Christmas party and invites her immortal family for the holidays. Astrid obsessively checks Sammy's gifts when she discovers that Martha and Jane stole an arsenal of weapons for him.
This story also reminds you why Ethan is a ridiculously sweet and swoonworthy Mate. Not just because he's gorgeous, a warrior prince, witty or smart...
“I am a very selfish man, Astrid. I want your body, your mind, your soul, your thoughts, and your love. I need to know all your wishes and dreams—I want to make them come true.”
Samuel was the most adorable half vampyre half demon baby. He wanted a pet and was busy negotiating for it as a Christmas present.
Gigi and Satan drop by early and unannounced, Astrid declares that they shall have a Slumber party.
Satan is my favorite character and I love all the scenes where he's making trouble and tricking everyone. It was too cute when he demanded he wanted a birthday and songs dedicated to him.
Astrid was thinking about her childhood holidays and she was determined that Samuel should have perfect, memorable holidays.
This book was lots of fun, it was sweet and it made me laugh. Can't wait to start the next one.
This story also reminds you why Ethan is a ridiculously sweet and swoonworthy Mate. Not just because he's gorgeous, a warrior prince, witty or smart...
“I am a very selfish man, Astrid. I want your body, your mind, your soul, your thoughts, and your love. I need to know all your wishes and dreams—I want to make them come true.”
Samuel was the most adorable half vampyre half demon baby. He wanted a pet and was busy negotiating for it as a Christmas present.
Gigi and Satan drop by early and unannounced, Astrid declares that they shall have a Slumber party.
Satan is my favorite character and I love all the scenes where he's making trouble and tricking everyone. It was too cute when he demanded he wanted a birthday and songs dedicated to him.
Astrid was thinking about her childhood holidays and she was determined that Samuel should have perfect, memorable holidays.
This book was lots of fun, it was sweet and it made me laugh. Can't wait to start the next one.
March 22, 2016
I like holiday stories, I like Christmas stories, I seem to have an odd attraction to reading holiday family stories, and I like humor. There are series and authors in which my favorite thing in the series, or by the author, happen to be holiday stories.
This was an annoying, disagreeable mess.
And please, for the love of everything and anything, stop fucking going on and on about the super old vampires whose bodies keep accidentally falling out of their outfits. It wasn't exactly that interesting the first time (or 10 or 20 times) this little bit of 'humor' popped up. But it was bearable. But . . . do we really need the same humor beaten to death, mounted on the wall, taken down, unmounted, beaten some more, then mounted to the wall again?
Also, what the fuck are 'baby Jesus' figurines? The next is unrelated, specifically, to this story, but since I'm on 'baby Jesus' anyway - why the fuck do so many fucking people seem to prefer asking help from/praying to/worshiping baby Jesus as opposed to, oh, I don't know, non-baby Jesus? They just not want some 30-something dude's help? Prefer the help of a baby? For fuck sake.
March 22 2016
This was an annoying, disagreeable mess.
And please, for the love of everything and anything, stop fucking going on and on about the super old vampires whose bodies keep accidentally falling out of their outfits. It wasn't exactly that interesting the first time (or 10 or 20 times) this little bit of 'humor' popped up. But it was bearable. But . . . do we really need the same humor beaten to death, mounted on the wall, taken down, unmounted, beaten some more, then mounted to the wall again?
Also, what the fuck are 'baby Jesus' figurines? The next is unrelated, specifically, to this story, but since I'm on 'baby Jesus' anyway - why the fuck do so many fucking people seem to prefer asking help from/praying to/worshiping baby Jesus as opposed to, oh, I don't know, non-baby Jesus? They just not want some 30-something dude's help? Prefer the help of a baby? For fuck sake.
March 22 2016
January 1, 2022
Sometimes a series having 10+ books in it can be daunting. I am beyond excited to know there is so much more to enjoy in this series. This was a fun entry in the series as Astrid just wants to host family for Christmas and give her baby good memories….. predictably all goes to hell (not literally) in a hand basket, spectacularly so! I loved every minute of it! Fun little holiday read for sure!
February 6, 2017
This was a shorter audiobook than I thought it would be....but it was still fantastic! I absolutely loved it! Astrid thinks she's going to have a mostly sane family gathering from a very merry Christmas and has invited all of her true immortal family members as well as others she loves and treats as family. It's a cluster-you-know-what practically from the get go and you love it anyway. The profanity alone and Astrid's attempt to curb her potty mouth are reason enough to listen to this one! It is so fun!
Oh and the hint to make you want to listen:
A baboon joins in the fun of Christmas!
Oh and the hint to make you want to listen:
A baboon joins in the fun of Christmas!
December 15, 2015
An uproariously outrageous and BEST Christmas party ever! It felt AMAZING to be back with Astrid and Ethan and their fun and extremely destructive family. Lots of fun ensued and laugh your fanny off moments as well as some sizzling ones as well. I forgot how much fun Astrid and Ethan are and want the next one like YESTERDAY! The cover on this baby too is beautiful and definitely gets you in the holiday mood. This has GOT to be THE.BEST.HOLIDAY.BOOK.EVER. Can we say, epic? Robyn Peterman YOU ROCK!
January 1, 2018
Another fun one
I love the Fashionably Dead series. They always give me a ton of laughs and I just love how much of a whiner her uncle Satan is. I love Robyn Peterman's sense of humor
I love the Fashionably Dead series. They always give me a ton of laughs and I just love how much of a whiner her uncle Satan is. I love Robyn Peterman's sense of humor
December 30, 2015
Love, Love, Love this series. I will not post spoilers, but you will be laughing as usual! Another cover to cover read in one sitting!
December 8, 2018
A short and ridiculous funny little tale to put you in the mood for the Christmas season.
December 28, 2015
Laugh out loud funny!!! I want to go to Astrid's for Christmas next year!! Loved, loved, loved it!!! ♡♡♡
December 30, 2015
Another hysterical hit by Robyn Peterman! I highly recommend her books when you are in need of a good laugh or your mood simply uplifted.
July 14, 2021
In Astrid’s infinitely unwise attempt to give Sammy an amazing first Christmas she decides to invite the entire family over for the day. If you thought your family functions were dysfunctional you were wildly mistaken! When Hell & Heaven family collide all hell breaks loose! Luckily Sammy finds it all awesome and Astrid learns that imperfect is perfection! Laugh out loud funny is an understatement so jump on board the crazy train and enjoy the ride!
February 1, 2022
The funniest Christmas story I've ever read! Astrid's obsession with having the perfect Christmas was over the top hilarious. I loved getting to see everyone all in one house for a raucous holiday celebration.
June 23, 2022
This is a funny Christmas story featuring Astrid, Ethan, baby Samuel and Astrid's entire crazy family. Astrid is planning a big Christmas celebration and wants everything to be perfect. Of course in Astrid's world, perfect doesn't happen. Astrid's celebration isn't perfect but it is very entertaining. And we finally get to meet Astrid's cousin! I love this over the top humorous series and can't wait to see what Robyn Peterman has in store next for Astrid and company.
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December 26, 2024i am not a fan of slapstick over the top comedy. but i can't deny the creativity. if you like the over the top comedy, then you will love this book. it just wasn't my thing.
January 6, 2016
A Fashionably Dead Christmas 5 stars
Robin has done it again!
Astrid and her wild and crazy family are back. She has planned the perfect 1st Christmas for little Sammy but as we all know, nothing that Astrid plans ever goes as planned when her family is involved.
As if the early arrival of Uncle Satan and Gigi Mother Nature weren’t bad enough, she also has to deal with the most inappropriate Christmas presents ever given to a baby, things catching fire, blowing up, clothes shrinking, kidnapped rock stars, her perfect decorations being ruined and no time at all to have a little fun with her man and that’s all before the party was even to have started.
When I first came across this series last year, it quickly became one of my favorites. Back in this story are all of my favorites, Satan, Mother Nature, the crazy old women turned vampires and the list goes on and on. I laughed out loud numerous times during this short novella just as I have for all of the other stories as well. This is a series that I highly recommend that you read in order so that you can meet the characters as they are introduced. I cannot wait to read what Robyn has in store for us next!
Robin has done it again!
Astrid and her wild and crazy family are back. She has planned the perfect 1st Christmas for little Sammy but as we all know, nothing that Astrid plans ever goes as planned when her family is involved.
As if the early arrival of Uncle Satan and Gigi Mother Nature weren’t bad enough, she also has to deal with the most inappropriate Christmas presents ever given to a baby, things catching fire, blowing up, clothes shrinking, kidnapped rock stars, her perfect decorations being ruined and no time at all to have a little fun with her man and that’s all before the party was even to have started.
When I first came across this series last year, it quickly became one of my favorites. Back in this story are all of my favorites, Satan, Mother Nature, the crazy old women turned vampires and the list goes on and on. I laughed out loud numerous times during this short novella just as I have for all of the other stories as well. This is a series that I highly recommend that you read in order so that you can meet the characters as they are introduced. I cannot wait to read what Robyn has in store for us next!
December 17, 2015
4.5 Stars
You just could never go wrong with an RP book!
Expect laughter...
Expect fun..
Expect colorful characters...
Expect ridiculous name calling...
...because you will get all of the above and then some!
You will also get a whole fold of people that while completely different do love each other in some weird shape or form, are loyal to each other, with the exception of Lust who tried to kill Astrid...such a bitch, but at the end of the day they are just a quirky ass family!
I wasn't expecting them to dork Satan out the way they did in this book though, he is usually so suave, sexy and dangerous. Yet in this book he seemed like a whiny man child who didn't get a birthday...Oh wait he was a whiny man child who didn't get a birthday! I'm not used to seeing Satan act this way, it was such a turn off...
Oh well..here's waiting til the next hilarious RP creation!
(My condolences to Ms. Peterman and her family and their tragic loss, I can't imagine what it must be like to lose such an important person in your lives but I'm glad you all have begun the healing process...)
You just could never go wrong with an RP book!
Expect laughter...
Expect fun..
Expect colorful characters...
Expect ridiculous name calling...
...because you will get all of the above and then some!
You will also get a whole fold of people that while completely different do love each other in some weird shape or form, are loyal to each other, with the exception of Lust who tried to kill Astrid...such a bitch, but at the end of the day they are just a quirky ass family!
I wasn't expecting them to dork Satan out the way they did in this book though, he is usually so suave, sexy and dangerous. Yet in this book he seemed like a whiny man child who didn't get a birthday...Oh wait he was a whiny man child who didn't get a birthday! I'm not used to seeing Satan act this way, it was such a turn off...
Oh well..here's waiting til the next hilarious RP creation!
(My condolences to Ms. Peterman and her family and their tragic loss, I can't imagine what it must be like to lose such an important person in your lives but I'm glad you all have begun the healing process...)
December 22, 2015
Astrid can't catch a break in this all new novella. "A Fashionably Dead Christmas" by Robyn Peterman continues the story of Astrid, a true immortal and her hotter than Apollo's bumcheeks, husband Ethan, their son, Samuel and a cast of crazier than a bunch of nutcrackers on crack friends and family. So, anyway, it's Astrid's first Christmas with Ethan and their son and she wants it to be perfect. So, everyone is invited, from Mother Nature to the Seven Deadly Sins (her cousins well except Lust she's still in prison), and even a Baboon makes an appearance, the list goes on, but if you are a fan you know who I'm talking about. In conclusion, take all of the previous novels starring Astrid and picture all of the crazy stuff that's happened in them and prepare to get blown away with a whole new set of Wild Christmas Fun! Overall, of course I loved the book. Robyn you're the best at putting to pen all of the crazy stuff everyone wants to write about but can't seem to make it work. You make it work! Can't wait to read your next book!
December 17, 2015
If you have never read a Robyn Peterman Book, shame on you. There is nothing better than a great funny story, making you spit Coke Cola out of your nose at page 4. My Husband was trying to do the Heimlich maneuver on me because he thought I was choking.
There is nothing sane when you are Mother Nature’s Granddaughter, God and Satan’s Niece and a cousin of Jesus. There is certainly no sanity when they all show up for Christmas. All Astrid wants is a normal Christmas for Samuel and she gets the very opposite, but as will all things, the flaws are what makes up perfect. This is a Perfect Christmas read if you are looking for fun and excitement. Robyn never disappoints. Cannot wait for the next installment of Astrid and Ethan’s antics.
There is nothing sane when you are Mother Nature’s Granddaughter, God and Satan’s Niece and a cousin of Jesus. There is certainly no sanity when they all show up for Christmas. All Astrid wants is a normal Christmas for Samuel and she gets the very opposite, but as will all things, the flaws are what makes up perfect. This is a Perfect Christmas read if you are looking for fun and excitement. Robyn never disappoints. Cannot wait for the next installment of Astrid and Ethan’s antics.
December 30, 2015
5 Christmas From Hell Stars...
I loved this short story, and i have to be honest, i want to be related to this Satan, which, he claims his name was used to create "Santa" and his birthday is on April 1st, lol. I love all the characters, i can't wait to get my hands on book #6 and #7, though, we did see the first 3 chapters of book 6 on this one and i literally screamed because i want to read it like now!
“Perfect is boring. Flaws are what make life interesting,” he insisted as he took my face in his hands and placed a kiss on my nose.
“Oh sh17,” she muttered distractedly. “Haven’t done this one in a few thousand years. I do believe I’m supposed to roll my hips to the left instead of the right and I should do a booty shake in the place of the pelvic thrust.”
I loved this short story, and i have to be honest, i want to be related to this Satan, which, he claims his name was used to create "Santa" and his birthday is on April 1st, lol. I love all the characters, i can't wait to get my hands on book #6 and #7, though, we did see the first 3 chapters of book 6 on this one and i literally screamed because i want to read it like now!
“Perfect is boring. Flaws are what make life interesting,” he insisted as he took my face in his hands and placed a kiss on my nose.
“Oh sh17,” she muttered distractedly. “Haven’t done this one in a few thousand years. I do believe I’m supposed to roll my hips to the left instead of the right and I should do a booty shake in the place of the pelvic thrust.”
December 15, 2015
Robyn has Fashionably did it again!!
I loved this book from cover to cover! The one only thing it ended to soon but it's a short story so duh! lol! I love Astrid and Ethan! And Sammy!!!!!!! I love how Robyn incorporates new characters. I really wish they were real! I laugh each and every time I read one of these books. But the feel good moments of family and friends that's what makes it real for me. Can not WAIT for Astrid's and Ethans Wedding and Gemma and the Kevs books! Will be waiting with bated breath! Thank you Robyn for bringing us Christmas laughter and joy with this book!
I loved this book from cover to cover! The one only thing it ended to soon but it's a short story so duh! lol! I love Astrid and Ethan! And Sammy!!!!!!! I love how Robyn incorporates new characters. I really wish they were real! I laugh each and every time I read one of these books. But the feel good moments of family and friends that's what makes it real for me. Can not WAIT for Astrid's and Ethans Wedding and Gemma and the Kevs books! Will be waiting with bated breath! Thank you Robyn for bringing us Christmas laughter and joy with this book!
December 22, 2015
I FECKIN LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!
This is a Christmas miracle and I thank Jesus in a thong for it!
I sat next to my hubby reading this on my lappy while he watched his footy, UK style, and I kept getting the 'death glare' as I was lmao out loud!
Astrid, Ethan and the gang are BACK! A loving family Christmas...........NOT! lol
Well it was supposed to be, but as we know family has a way of tripping us up............and Uncle Satan and Gigi turning up early.......you know its going to go bad, fast!
Throw in a baboon and you've got another splendiferous offering from a wonderful author.
Can't wait for the next chapter of these wonderful Vamps/Immortals and other assorted beings :D
This is a Christmas miracle and I thank Jesus in a thong for it!
I sat next to my hubby reading this on my lappy while he watched his footy, UK style, and I kept getting the 'death glare' as I was lmao out loud!
Astrid, Ethan and the gang are BACK! A loving family Christmas...........NOT! lol
Well it was supposed to be, but as we know family has a way of tripping us up............and Uncle Satan and Gigi turning up early.......you know its going to go bad, fast!
Throw in a baboon and you've got another splendiferous offering from a wonderful author.
Can't wait for the next chapter of these wonderful Vamps/Immortals and other assorted beings :D
December 17, 2015
A Fashionably Dead Christmas (Book 5 of The Hot Dammed Series) By Robyn Peterman
Astrid wants Samuel's first Christmas to be special. The tree is decorated, presents are wrapped under it, the room is perfectly decorated.
Looks like it is going to be the perfect day. That is until her grandmother Gigi aka Mother Nature and her uncle Satan show up.
You will laugh and enjoy the antics of: Water works, shrunken clothes, weapons and lets not forget the perfect gift for a toddler. A BABOON.
Thank you for this lighthearted story Robyn. You made me laugh and smile.
Astrid wants Samuel's first Christmas to be special. The tree is decorated, presents are wrapped under it, the room is perfectly decorated.
Looks like it is going to be the perfect day. That is until her grandmother Gigi aka Mother Nature and her uncle Satan show up.
You will laugh and enjoy the antics of: Water works, shrunken clothes, weapons and lets not forget the perfect gift for a toddler. A BABOON.
Thank you for this lighthearted story Robyn. You made me laugh and smile.
December 26, 2015
Whenever I read a book by Robyn Peterman, I know I will be entertained with laugh out loud moments, colorful and complex characters, action, mayhem, steamy romance and usually an all around good read/time. And with Book 5 in the series it was right on point, however it will fall more under a novella heading, and as will all of the Authors books I am disappointed when they come to an end because I want more. I just love this series and I hope that there will be many more to come. If you have not discovered the series yet, do yourself a favor and get started, its such a fun read.
December 16, 2015
A Fashionably Dead Christmas is a hilarious, rollicking ride from one disaster to another all with a holiday theme. Astrid wants her baby boy to have a Christmas to remember and she succeeds just not like she had planned. Sit down, strap in and enjoy the ride with our potty mouthed momma and her crazy attempts at normalcy. With a family like hers crazy is the norm. But underneath it all you can feel the love and isn’t that what the holidays are all about?
December 19, 2015
This book couldn't have come at a better time. Every Christmas since my mom past has been hard and I tend to basically Zombie through it. But I can honestly say this story not only made me tear with the sentiment behind family and all its flaws...but in true form had me cheesing and laughing throughout! I received quite a few stares in public from it lol.
December 17, 2015
Funny as always!
Robyn will always make you laugh with her stories and it's refreshing to enjoy a light hearted book. Astrid is planning a family Christmas and it ends up turning out like a National Lampoon's movie! You will love what the relatives end up buying Sammy and Astrid's "Christmas dress"!
Robyn will always make you laugh with her stories and it's refreshing to enjoy a light hearted book. Astrid is planning a family Christmas and it ends up turning out like a National Lampoon's movie! You will love what the relatives end up buying Sammy and Astrid's "Christmas dress"!
December 27, 2015
You may or may not tinkle yourself laughing!! Just Saying!!
Astrid and the gang make my insides notoriously twisted with so much hilarity. Robyn seems to out do herself with each story. This one is like reading National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (insert vampires, demons, gods, and so much more.) well done Robyn, well done.
Astrid and the gang make my insides notoriously twisted with so much hilarity. Robyn seems to out do herself with each story. This one is like reading National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (insert vampires, demons, gods, and so much more.) well done Robyn, well done.
December 21, 2015
Kudos
Once again Robyn Peterman delivers an outstanding performance. Her eclectic sense of humor and sarcasm is unparalleled. Being an avid reader and fan all I can say is when is the next book. Yes I know, I'm greedy, but I need my fix and I'm not too proud to share that vice (or sin whichever way you want to look at it).
Once again Robyn Peterman delivers an outstanding performance. Her eclectic sense of humor and sarcasm is unparalleled. Being an avid reader and fan all I can say is when is the next book. Yes I know, I'm greedy, but I need my fix and I'm not too proud to share that vice (or sin whichever way you want to look at it).
January 18, 2016
I love the Hot Dammed series and this short read was a great addition. I love Astrid and her potty mouth, and cute, not so little anymore, Samuel. I read the excerpt for Heathcliff and Raquel's book and I am looking forward to reading that and hopefully soon the Kev and Gemma's book. Happy reading!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews