The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

by Robert I. Sutton

How to avoid, outwit, and disarm assholes, from the author of the classic bestseller The No Asshole Rule
 
 “Help, I’m dealing with an asshole! What can I do?” 
 
Since his book The No Asshole Rule became a national bestseller a decade ago, Robert Sutton has heard that question asked in a thousand different ways. He answers the question in a new book that shifts focus from building civilized workplaces to providing relief for anybody who feels plagued and pushed around by assholes.

Equally useful and entertaining, The Asshole Survival Guide delivers a cogent and methodical game plan.  Sutton starts with diagnosis—what kind of asshole problem, exactly, are you dealing with? From there, he provides field‑tested, evidence‑based, and sometimes surprising strategies for dealing with assholes—avoiding them, outwitting them, disarming them, sending them packing, and developing protective psychological armor. Sutton even teaches readers how to look inward to stifle their own inner jackass. 
  
Ultimately, this survival guide is about developing an outlook and personal plan that will help you preserve the sanity in your work life, and will prevent all those perfectly good days from being ruined by some jerk.  
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Business, Audiobook, Personal Development, Leadership

6 pages, Audible Audio

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Robert Sutton is Professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford and a Professor of Organizational Behavior, by courtesy, at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Sutton studies innovation, leaders and bosses, evidence-based management, the links between knowledge and organizational action, and workplace civility. Sutton’s books include Weird Ideas That Work: 11 ½ Practices for Promoting, Managing, and Sustaining Innovation, The Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Firms Turn Knowledge into Action (with Jeffrey Pfeffer), and Hard Facts, Dangerous Half-Truths, and Total Nonsense: Profiting from Evidence-Based Management (also with Jeffrey Pfeffer). His most recent book is the New York Times and BusinessWeek bestseller The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. His next book, Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to Be the Best … and Survive the Worst, which will be published in September 2010 by Business Plus.

Professor Sutton’s honors include the award for the best paper published in the Academy of Management Journal in 1989, the Eugene L. Grant Award for Excellence in Teaching, selection by Business 2.0 as a leading “management guru” in 2002, and the award for the best article published in the Academy of Management Review in 2005. Hard Facts, Dangerous Half-Truths, and Total Nonsense was selected as the best business book of 2006 by the Toronto Globe and Mail. His latest book, The No Asshole Rule, won the Quill Award for the best business book of 2007. Sutton was named as one of 10 “B-School All-Stars” by BusinessWeek in 2007, which they described as “professors who are influencing contemporary business thinking far beyond academia.” Sutton is a Fellow at IDEO and a member of the Institute for the Future’s board of directors. Especially dear to his heart is the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design, which everyone calls “the Stanford d.school.” He is a co-founder of this multi-disciplinary program, which teaches, practices, and spreads “design thinking.” His personal blog is Work Matters, at www.bobsutton.net.

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

WARNING!!!

While useful, this book is also very, VERY depressing, because it basically says, here's how you can cope if you can't escape, but if you can, escape. It's not big on fighting, but I think that is because people only act like huge jerks when they can get away with it. If they couldn't, they would have been brought down by now.

So, unless I want to have Mutually Assured Destruction, my game plan is avoidance at all costs.

Not what I wanted to hear, but perhaps what I needed to hear. I just bought a copy of this book for a friend in a very VERY toxic work environment. His health is suffering, so I hope that this book will help him figure out a game plan that can keep him out of the doctor's office or ER for more than a week! Stress can kill you folks. This book can help when it's caused by a particular person/persons.

So, depressing, but even more depressingly, so SO important for us nowadays. 4 stars. Would be five, but it depressed me too much to be happy enough to give it five. Sigh. I need a palate cleanser!

My thanks to NetGalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for an eARC copy of this book to read and review.

[Daisy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Half a decade ago I was working in a job that was growing increasingly toxic. All members of staff were demotivated and spoke frequently of looking to leave, even those who had been there for many years had reached the end of the line. We were overworked, under-appreciated and all feeling burned out. We weren’t sleeping and counted down the days to the weekend. It was no way to live.

It got so bad that even our ostrich-inspired leader recognised something had to be done and so brought in a guest speaker to do a workshop on reducing stress and improving work/life balance.
Any hope we had of being told that we should not feel guilty about leaving at a reasonable time, about not working too much at home or whatever else might have rejuvenated this wilting team was quickly extinguished. Instead we were given tips on how to stay healthy so that we could continue to work till 1am (this is the time the speaker mentioned so it is no exaggeration) without getting sick and having to take time off. Once you have put in your 11/12 hour day at work, you should then go to the gym, make yourself a nutritious meal and you’ll be reenergised to laptop your way into the wee hours. Oh and if at any point you feel this lifestyle is a bit overwhelming here’s a box-breathing technique to stop you throwing yourself out the top floor window. Within the year 75% of staff had left.

This book is the textual equivalent of that workshop. The emphasis is on you to reframe yourself so that the asshole’s words slide off you like water off an oil-slicked duck. You can choose to become invisible – you wear neutral non-descript clothing, have a non-noticeable haircut, don’t divulge much of your home life, don’t be humorous, don’t speak in meetings, in fact become a cipher. This may work but I’m going to hazard a guess that it’s not easy, healthy or desirable to have to hide your personality for over 8 hours a day. Good tip if your pension is sufficient to spend your retirement in therapy recovering. Second tip – disassociate. Yeah that psychological trait that we all thought was not so great turns out to be acceptable if it prevents you being destroyed by an asshole. While they are verbally abusing you, think about other things, imagine it’s a contest and rate the insults, just take care the place you go to isn’t too funny like the woman who employed this and laughed aloud leading to increased insults. The other thing to do is reclaim those insults – you know like the oppressed minorities do. If your asshole calls you a louse, wear a t-shirt saying “I’m a louse” with a handy pictorial aid so everyone knows exactly what your employer thinks of you. Embrace the cruelty, own it. And finally just man-up and stick it out.

My issue with all this is that it has no expectation that the asshole has to stop being the asshole, or in more frank terms a bully or even an abuser. While I accept that you can’t change someone else’s behaviour this notion that “assholes gonna asshole” is completely fallacious and just allows workplace bullying to continue. Adults can control their behaviour – that is part of being an adult those who don’t are choosing not to and we should be focussing on making that behaviour unacceptable rather than teaching employees to tiptoe round the ogre. I’ll finish with the experience of a young friend of mine who took an internship at a prestigious design agency. She said the way she was spoken to by the bosses, the bullying was vicious. She spoke to another intern who said it was always like that and that at least now they were wearing masks people couldn’t see you cry. Sutton would have advised her to suck it up for the sake of her long term career but I’m proud of my friend who knew her worth, knew she didn’t deserve to be spoken to like dirt and had the nous to realise that if that was the culture of the industry she would always be witness to that, whether or not she was on the receiving end. She left and is training to be a teacher….

[Peeter Mõtsküla · Rating 1 out of 5]

Probably written for Americans. The author keeps reiterating same basic concepts over and over again. The author also tries to make this book look like a result of solid scientific research -- every now and then, there are numerous references to other authors & researchers who have written about related topics. Leaving the pseudo-scientific pomposity aside, the book could be compressed into a thin brochure containing somewhat useful guidance.

Summary

When faced with an asshole:
1) Talk to him. Everyone might occasionally act as an asshole for various reasons. If he's only a temporary asshole, letting him know is usually enough.
2) If talk is not enough, check if you have enough power and/or allies. If yes, fight back (aiming to drive the asshole out of your organisation).
3) If you can't fight back, try to get away from the asshole. Depending on how bad it is and what your options are, you might just move into another [part of the] office or just leave the company (or club or marriage or whatever it is where you are faced with the asshole).
4) If you can't escape, use various mind tricks to ignore the asshole.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't read this for its 'self-help' aspect. A friend mentioned she was reading it and I checked it out. Mainly because... The Thing who is daily hellbent on bringing this country to its knees has now given license to the (what seems like) millions of assholes who, before this 'administration', did not have the balls to act on the fullness of their asshole natures. But now they're everywhere... 24/7.

So I figured I best read up on some of what makes some of them tick - and on how to be better prepared. Of course, much of what's in this book isn't new (to me, anyway). But experts are, in part, who we go to for tips. And Sutton is an expert.

He mentions early on that, when he wrote 'The No Asshole Rule', he thought that, perhaps, he had covered the topic of assholes sufficiently. But the response to that book was overwhelming, and the feedback seemed neverending...so he wrote this follow-up volume.

From reading this book, it seems to me that he still hasn't exhausted the territory - given the fact that asshole behavior can seem to take countless forms. I can easily see Sutton coming out with yet another guide for those who need it.

I applaud Sutton for the research alone on this issue. But what I took away most from this book is the idea of the considerable amount of personal responsibility involved - when identifying asshole behavior and when dealing with it. Sutton's points on caution, reflection and the power of observation are especially valuable.

[Pairash Pleanmalai · Rating 3 out of 5]

หนังสืออ่านยากสำหรับผม ไม่รู้ทำไม เป็นเล่มที่ต้องใช้ความพยายามในการอ่าน
ผู้แต่งเอ่ยชื่อคน และยกตัวอย่างเต็มไปหมด
ขณะอ่านต้องพยายามสกัดสิ่งที่คิดว่าได้ออกมา อ่านแล้วจะรู้สึกเหนื่อยๆมันจะดูวนๆในหลายๆประเด็น

สาระที่ได้และยอมรับว่าจริง
1. พฤติกรรมของคนเฮงซวย มันแพร่ถึงคนอื่นได้
2. คนเฮงซวยมักดึงดูดกัน แปลว่า จำนวนเพิ่มขึ้นได้

ส่วนวิธีหลบเลี่ยงแบบมีศิลปะตามชื่อหนังสือ ยังงงๆว่าส่วนใหญ่มันก็เป็นกระบวนการพื้นฐานของคนทั่วไปอยู่แล้ว
เช่น การหลบหลึก ลดการเผชิญหน้า ชะลอจังหวะ

สุดท้ายคือทบทวนตัวเราเองด้วยว่า เราเองหรือเปล่าที่เป็นคนเช่นนั้น

[Sarah Schultz · Rating 1 out of 5]

I returned the Audible version of the book--he kept saying "ex-pecially" instead of "es-pecially," and he uses the word a lot. It was driving me nuts.

[Summer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing you didn't already know but I liked reading it at work because I imagined people seeing the cover and wondering if I was reading about them.

[Tariq Mahmood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Assholes are not only omniscient but also omnipresent, which makes dealing with them or around them a major challenge in our daily lives. Assholes on their own or assholes in a group can create an asshole environment which is obviously a lot more dangerous. The book recommends staying away but if we cant afford to it shows you many techniques to counter assholes and asshole environments. It's not easy as each case is unique but as the author says, it is not what you say that matters its how you say it.

[Sumit · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was reasonably interesting, but not all I had hoped it would be. It does provide a wide catalogue of asshole types and tests to determine whether someone else (or you) is the asshole, but its coping strategies are mostly obvious and more folk psychology peppered with the occasional study than novel strategies. Perhaps I've read too much social psychology from the original sources already (the author constantly cites Kahneman, Dunning-Kruger effect, and other well-known themes in modern behavioral psych), or perhaps the book is just aimed at an audience with less familiarity with such topics. The author goes through strategies such as reframing (this is the other person's problem, not mine), minimizing (other situations have been much worse), "love bombing" (killing them with kindness), empathizing (thinking of them as "porcupines with a heart of gold"), avoidance (staying out of their way), non-reactivity (don't let them get to you, e.g., "that's an interesting point, I'll take that into consideration"), etc. Reasonable strategies, certainly, but nothing too surprising. Perhaps the most interesting part of the book for me was about the psychology of revenge (here he cites Eric Jaffe's well-known article), concerning how revenge could be "sweet" but would actually result in maintaining the hurt in one's mind for longer, and even when executed would rarely provide relief. The studies showing the contagiousness of assholery were also interesting. The closing words of the book were also a bit disappointing, even victim-blaming - "it's on you, but you're not alone." I suppose it's on you to make the best of your situation, but that seems to be a weak way to close. I preferred his earlier mantras, such as "be slow to judge others as assholes, and quick to judge yourself," and the "Da Vinci" rule, that it's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end (i.e., get out of bad situations quickly). All in all, it was interesting, and a worthwhile read, but a mixed bag in terms of real tools to deal with the assholes in one's life.

[Darren · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short and simple title that accurately describes this book’s raison d’etre. Fortunately, it need not apply to this author to deal with reviewers of his excellent book, which mixes humour and sage advice together to deal with what can be a very serious and troubling problem for many, especially at work.

It is more than just a book with a humorous title, mouthing a few platitudes. It has the benefit of ‘science’ – well academic research to be precise – and the author could informally be described as a professor of asshattery and assholes, although you could imagine that the field of academia is not yet ready for such descriptive faculty titles.

This non-medical man (whose day job is being a professor at Stanford) has been examining a-holes for well over a decade and he is not a closet proctologist. Instead he looks at how bad behaviour can destroy the workplace environment and all that should go on there. Of course, much of the same advice and observations can be applied to one’s private life, but there you can often choose friends… it is harder to choose your family and work colleagues though. As well as giving advice to identify the problem and hopefully reduce its impact, if you cannot exclude it, the author is also wise enough to know that we can all be a bit rogue at times, so we can look inwards and, if necessary, remove our head from butthole and behave better.

The tone of this book is perfect. It is a serious read with a humorous overtone, giving authentic, credible and valuable advice. Hyperbole and false hope has been left at the door, something many other self-help book authors could well emulate. It might not be the cheapest book at the bookstore, but if you are suffering from external asshattery it can be a worthy purchase and what price is your sanity in any case? Many people tend to write to this author, based on his previous books and ongoing research, and it did make me nearly spit coffee over my tablet when reading how a Lutheran pastor even wrote to complain about dealing with some volunteers with asshat tendencies, even though it was not confirmed whether the reverend gentleman let his Christian good thoughts slip and use the a-word!

The author pulls together a great mix of research, case studies and real-world ‘unscholarly’ examples to great effect to highlight the extant problems, before seeking to show strategies that may reduce or remove the problem. No guarantees are given, but the advice is worthy of a try in any case. Even a slight respite or reduction is better than nothing. If all else fails, then give the book anonymously to the chief offender with a taped note to the front saying “read this, you need it!”

As you may guess, it was an enjoyable read, even though I have no need for its intelligence presently. Mind you, if I sent it to my CENSORED I am sure…

[Lúcia Fonseca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neste livro o autor dá-nos a reconhecer e como tratar idiotas com quem lidamos ao longo das nossas vidas (quem nunca...). O título do livro serve mais para chamar a atenção porque no conteúdo o que se usa é mesmo o termo “idiota”. E há dos mais variados tipos. E consoante o tipo assim tem que ser o tratamento que lhe devemos dar.
Desde evitá-los ao máximo, ignorar, ripostar das mais variadas formas.
De certa forma eu sabia praticamente muita coisa que está descrita nesta livro, não sabia era expressar e dar-lhe nomes.
Um livro interessante em que a maior parte do tempo lia parágrafos inteiros e me ia lembrando dos idiotas com quem era obrigada a conviver e convivo.

[Reese Copeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the book. It is able to describe the difficulties and struggles of someone who has to deal with a person like this . It offers some practical tips to how you can cope with someone like this. I find it very helpful in my own career and see myself putting some of it into practice to the extent I can. It reads quickly and is not all weighed down with technical jargon.

[Ashik Bekal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Assholes are everywhere! Be it your neighborhood, work place or just online. And their effect on us can be profound, even our well-being. This book offers practical advice of identifying and tackling different kinds of Assholes. Some of the techniques could surprise you even.
I like the way he begins with 6 diagnostic questions on how bad the problem is and are you being blind to it, then dwells into asshole detection. He goes through various tackling techniques like Avoidance, Reframing and even Battling Assholes. I love how the author talks about self awareness and how sometimes we fail to look into the mirror. 🙋🏽‍♂️ I however felt that this topic should have got its own chapter and dealt in depth because we often judge others quickly than retrospect ourselves.

A quote that I personally liked in the myriads of quotes in this book: "He is a guy with a bad interface but a good operating system" (Note: Not applicable to all assholes)

[Clairdenoon · Rating 3 out of 5]

#ศิลปะการอยู่ร่วมกับคนเฮงซวย
#Robert I. Sutton

0.เราคิดว่าเมื่อเจอคนเฮงซวยสิ่งที่จะทำคือ หนีไป อย่าไปยุ่งกับมัน หลีกได้หลีกหลบได้หลบ ทำไงก็ได้ที่ไม่ต้องข้องเกี่ยว

1.หนังสือจึงไม่เหมาะกับเรา...เหมือนจะเหมาะกับคนที่หนีไม่ได้ต้องอยู่เผชิญหน้ากับคนเฮงซวย ข้องเกี่ยวกับคนที่ทำให้รู้สึกแย่ บ้าอำนาจ งี่เง่า โดยยกทฤษฎี งานวิจัย และกรณีตัวอย่าง ที่จะใช้ทำความเข้าใจคนเฮงซวยประเภทต่างๆ และนำเสนอวิธีหลากหลายที่จะรับมือกับคนเฮงซวย

2.นับถือคนที่อ่านแล้วรู้เรื่อง จับประเด็นได้ ชื่นชมคนที่เข้าใจศัพท์ไทยๆที่แปลมาจากอังกฤษอีกที และสามารถรีวิวได้ #กราบบบ

3.ส่วนเรา เอาจริงๆคือ อ่านแล้วรู้สึกงงนิดหน่อย แต่ไม่เข้าใจมากๆ=_=

4.อ่านแล้วรู้สึกเหมือนหนังสือจะบอกว่า...เราเนี่ยแหละคือ คนเฮงซวย

5.หน้าตาตอนอ่าน


6.ขายต่อเล่มละ100 ราคารวมส่ง😝

[ไม้ไต่คู้ · Rating 2 out of 5]

- แม้ว่าเนื้อหาในหนังสือมีประโยชน์และเรียบเรียงออกมาได้ดูมีหลักการดี แต่ตอนอ่านรู้สึกว่าน้ำเยอะไปหน่อย เลยไม่สนุกเท่าไหร่ (เพราะกว่าจะเข้าเรื่องได้ หนังสือก็ต้องมานั่งเกริ่นถึงเรื่องเฮงซวยประมาณ 15 ล้านเรื่องให้เราฟังก่อน ซึ่งต้องยอมรับว่าการอ่านเรื่องเฮงซวยนี่มันไม่สนุกเท่าไหร่ เพราะโดยภาพรวมแล้วเรื่องเฮงซวยของคยเรามันก็คล้ายๆ กันหมดนั่นแหละ) และตัวเนื้อหานั้นก็ไม่ได้ทำให้รู้สึกว่ามันเป็นวิธีการแก้ปัญหาที่สร้างสรรค์อะไรมากมาย

- แต่ส่วนที่ค่อนข้างชอบคือการที่หนังสือพาเราไปเห็นรายละเอียดเล็กๆ บางอย่างที่เราอาจไม่เคยนึกถึง อย่างเช่นคำพูดที่บอกว่า "อารมณ์เชิงลบเป็นโรคติดต่อ" นี่มันไม่ได้เป็นแค่คำพูดเท่ๆ อย่างเดียว แต่มันเป็นแบบนั้นจริงๆ เพราะการต้องเจอกับเรื่องเฮงซวยในแต่ละวันมันเป็นสิ่งที่บั่นทอนพลังงานจริงๆ

- ซึ่งการอดทนหรือพยายามทำจิตให้เบิกบานมันไม่ใช่ทางออกเสมอไป เนื่องจากพลังงานและความอดทนของเราทุกคนล้วนมีจำกัด ถ้าเราไม่รู้วิธีจัดการคนเฮงซวยและยอมทำตัวเป็นกระโถนรองรับอารมณ์ของเพื่อนร่วมงานตลอดทั้งวัน มันก็เป็นไปได้มากเลยว่าพลังงานและความอดทนของเราจะหมดลงตั้งแต่ยังไม่จบวัน และคนที่จะต้องมาซวยกับเรื่องนี้ก็ไม่ใช่ใครอื่นนอกจากคนที่เรารักนั่นแหละ (เพราะ "คนที่บ้าน" เหล่านี้มักจะเป็นคนที่เราต้องเจอเป็นคนสุดท้ายในแต่ละวัน แต่เราดันใช้พลังงานไปกับการอดทนเรื่องเฮงซวยในที่ทำงานหมดแล้ว เพราะงั้นขอแค่มีอะไรมากระตุกต่อมเกรียนในช่วงท้ายวันของเรานิดเดียว เราก็พร้อมจะเฮงซวยใส่พวกเค้าขึ้นมาทันที)

- การดีลกับคนเฮงซวยนัยนึงจึงเป็นเรื่องของการจัดการกับพลังงานของเราเพื่อให้เหลือเพียงพอในการใช้ชีวิตอย่างมีคุณภาพกับคนที่เรารักด้วย และเนื่องจากเราไม่สามารถหลีกเลี่ยงเรื่องเฮงซวยทั้งหมดได้ เราจึงต้องประเมินความรุนแรงของความเฮงซวยให้ออก พยายามรับไว้แต่เรื่องเฮงซวยที่ "เลี่ยงไม่ได้ แต่ไม่รุนแรง" และหลีกเลี่ยงความเฮงซวยประเภทที่สูบพลังงานมากๆ แต่จริงๆ แล้วไม่จำเป็นต้องเผชิญ เช่น คนบางประเภทที่ชอบให้คนอื่นประจบเอาใจ ไม่งั้นจะทำตัวเฮงซวยขึ้นมา ในกรณีแบบนี้ ถ้าการประจบเอาใจมันช่วยให้เค้าไม่เฮงซวย เราก็เลียเค้าไปเหอะ (แม้จะรู้สึกว่าทำไมกูต้องทำด้วยวะ) พยายามรักษาพลังงานและความอดทนของเราไว้ เพราะมันสำคัญกว่าที่คิด มันไม่ใช่แค่เพื่อสุขภาพจิตของเราเอง แต่มันเป็นการทำเพื่อไม่ให้เราไปเฮงซวยใส่คนที่เรารักที่อยู่รอบตัวเราด้วย

- และหนังสือก็ไม่ได้เอาแต่เสนอวิธีแก้ปัญหาสไตล์ "คิดบวก" ทำนองว่า "ถ้าเค้าตบแก้มซ้าย ก็จงยื่นแก้มขวาให้เค้าตบด้วย" อะไรแบบนั้น กลับกัน เค้าบอกว่าบางสถานการณ์เราก็ควรจะเข้าไป "บวก" เพื่อตัวของเราเองด้วยเหมือนกัน เพราะถ้าเรายอมให้คนเฮงซวยมากดขี่เราทุกวันๆ มันก็เป็นไปได้มากว่าวันนึงเราจะรู้สึกต่ำต้อยหรือสูญสิ้นศักดิ์ศรีและความมั่นใจในตัวขึ้นมาจริงๆ ซึ่งถ้าการสู้กลับมันทำให้เราเรียกคืนความมั่นใจเหล่านั้นกลับมาได้ มันก็อาจคุ้มที่จะทำ แต่ทั้งนี้ขึ้นอยู่กับสถานการณ์ด้วย และหนังสือย้ำว่าอยากให้การสู้เป็นวิธีสุดท้ายจริงๆ เพราะการต่อสู้ (โดยเฉพาะกับคนเฮงซวย) มักนำมาซึ่งการโต้ตอบที่รุนแรงกว่าเดิม ซึ่งอาจทำให้อะไรๆ มันแย่ลงไปอีก เพราะงั้นก่อนจะสู้กลับ ก็ขอให้ประเมินสถานการณ์อย่างละเอียดถี่ถ้วนแล้วว่าเราอยู่ในสถานะที่เหนือกว่าแบบเด็ดขาดหรือมีทางหนีทีไล่เตรียมไว้แล้ว

- หนังสือมีข้อมูลสนุกๆ อย่างเช่น ความเฮงซวยอาจไม่ใช่เรื่องเลวร้ายเสมอไป อย่างกรณีของโค้ชกีฬาที่มีนิสัยเฮงซวยตลอดเวลา ความเฮงซวยแบบนี้เป็นความเฮงซวยประเภทที่จะทำให้ทุกอย่างแย่ลง เพราะตัวนักกีฬาจะคิดว่า "โค้ชแม่งก็เป็นแบบนี้แหละ อย่าไปคิดมาก นี่ไม่ใช่ความผิดเรา" ส่งผลให้กำลังใจและความพยายามลดลงจน performance ตก แต่ถ้าโค้ชที่เคยสุภาพใจดี เกิดแสดงพฤติกรรมเฮงซวยขึ้นมา ตัวนักกีฬากลับจะคิดว่า "โค้ชที่เคยใจดีขนาดนั้นกลายเป็นแบบนี้ สงสัยนี่เราจะผิดจริงๆ" จนรู้สึกฮึดและดัน performance ตัวเองขึ้นมา (ซึ่งน่าเสียดายที่ข้อมูลแบบนี้มีน้อย และดันไปมีแต่เรื่องเล่าความเฮงซวยซะเยอะ)

[Leili V. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much better than his other book as he actually gives us some ways to try to avoid or annihilate the assholes around us. Most of these tactics I already use in my daily life, but it was good to get that reassurance that I’m not alone and that others have had success in similar ways.

[Steven Freeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book by Bob Sutton. This is a follow up to his classic “The No Asshole Rule” which should be on every faculty members and administrators’ book shelf. This book focuses on strategies for dealing with the jerks (or worse) that we encounter in our lives. While I had already taken advantage of many of the strategies, I did learn some new ones to try and how to increase my success rate for not letting the assholes drag me down or turn me into one of them.

[Julius The Snow Leopard · Rating 1 out of 5]

Book53/2020

Worst advice ever.
So if you encounter assholes, you as a non-asshole have to go through so many steps of endurance and self-detachment to avoid feeling bad from assholes?

Why don’t we try to think from a victims mindset and see where people can get realistic advice than ‘tune out’, ‘try to be the bigger person’, etc. The advice and ‘studies’ in this book is just empty talk that provides absolutely no help when people actually go through all this in real life. I work in an extremely toxic environment where being an asshole is ‘the culture,’ and rewarded with promotions. I’ve seen so many people break down because of assholes and I would never advise ANY of the crap in this book.
Where is the justice? Where is the guidance to view the situation with a just solution where the assholes bear consequences? Why are assholes assumed untouchable?
This book is clearly written by some unicorn rainbow pooping asshole who’s never been through any of the real life issues presented by real assholes.

‘My Stanford this..’ ‘my standford that..’ ok! We get it! It’s worse than Harvard people dropping the H-bomb. Geez

[cardulelia carduelis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I could barely make it though the navel gazing and name dropping. I ended up skimming most of this to get to the broader points.
That one of his major points is "kill 'em with kindness" and plea's to empathy should have been a warning sign. Anyone who's ever met or worked with a bully well knows that opening up and being warm just makes you even more weak in their eyes. And sure, I can see that the asshole might be going through some shit of their own, but you know what? So am I and I don't make other people's lives a misery to compensate. So fuck empathy with assholes.
Some of the tips on holding your self apart and knowing when to quit were helpful.. but also obvious? I don't know who this book is written for. It's too generic.

I only kept trying with it for so long because a supervisor recommended it to me. Time to call it quits.


Some non-assholes managing to work together

[Susanna Camp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Given the number of jerks we’ve encountered in the tech world these past few months, we need all the tools we can get. For those of us with bosses, co-workers, clients, or customers, Bob Sutton’s book offers invaluable “asshole avoidance techniques” and more. Comedian and naming expert Marc Hershon wrote, and I edited, this review on Smartup.life.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I’m on a kick of reading self help books with curse words in the title. So I saw this and picked it up. Eh, this was too long and too repetitive. After about the third chapter I was done with this book. It took me forever to finish after that.

[A · Rating 2 out of 5]

Suomennoksia lukiessa joutuu välillä pohtimaan, tökkiikö lukuinto kehnosti kirjoitetun alkuteoksen vai epäonnistuneen käännöksen vuoksi. Tässä tapauksessa keskinkertainen alkuteos näyttää yhdistyvän kankeaan (ja paikoin virheelliseen) käännöstyöhön. Annan kuitenkin kaksi tähteä siitä hyvästä, että muutama hyödyllinen ajatus välittyi sivuilta. Kirjan pituudesta olisi voinut huoletta niittää ainakin kolmanneksen.

[gbkMnkii · Rating 3 out of 5]

While i was reading the following quotation was in my head:

"
So I was sitting in my "cubical" today and I realized, ever since I've started working ( here ) every single day of my life is worse than the day before it.
So that means that every single day that you see me that is the worst day of my life.
"

Having a toxic workplace is though. I'll try some of the tips.

[Shaki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Valid points, but maybe try not to use that many repeats next time?

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interessant! Drittsekker er ikke et veldig stort problem i livet mitt, men dette var uansett en annerledes og nyttig selvhjelpsbok. Mange tips jeg kan gi videre til andre.

[Katarzyna · Rating 2 out of 5]

It didn't deliver. A few interesting clinical facts and good intensions, but overall a bit basic. It's symptomatic of the peak capitalism, that most of the advice is on how to change yourself, and advice on how to change abusive systems is presented as risky and usually pointless. With statements like "first determine if you are not an asshole" or "you have a duty of self-care", this book under fancy branding, serves to upkeep the status quo.

[Victor Bevz · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book felt like a paper chain of anecdotes. It was loosely organised, and I found the conversational style irritating. Each chapter proposes a different method for dealing with a demeaning person in your life. The techniques sometimes conflict (e.g. overwhelming an unkind person with kindness and standing up for yourself), but the book accounts for that in emphasising that the method you choose has to relate to your level of power and general disposition.

I found these ideas useful:
-You should distance yourself from people who mistreat you. Reducing the number of bad encounters, or even stress from being in places where you could have a bad encounter, protects your mental health and decrease the likelihood of passing the unkindness on to people you care about.
-"Backstage areas" like teachers' lounges or even bathrooms are a crucial refuge, where you can maintain or regain face. Employers should make sure that employees have proper private spaces for their breaks, especially in workplaces that regularly involve conflict between staff or with customers.
-Forgiving a person is one of the best ways to get them out of your headspace. Conversely, planning and enacting petty revenge gives an already undeserving person more of your headspace.

I didn't find the techniques of reframing or being nice back until the unkind person cracks compelling.

[ratherastory · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, probably a bit more than your average self-help/how to cope with office shenanignans book because I do enjoy an author who swears. That is 100% personal bias, though.

Overall I liked the anecdotes, the advice was sound, and I really like the author's premise that it's easier to build a respectful workplace from the ground up rather than trying to fix it once it's broken.

Like most of the books on this topic, it's very much geared toward offices in private companies. Capitalism is... well, capitalism. It assumes that productivity is the main goal of any office/company, and so it's less useful for those of us who work in other sectors (public service, not for profit, hospitals, police forces, etc.), because performance isn't measured by how much money you bring in, and that changes the interpersonal dynamics.

It's a solid book, the tone is light, and the author does a good job of reading his work.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writer is very methodical in his writing. In a way it made it harder to keep focus on the book, although the stories the author had collected did bring my attention back. I didn't find much of anything new in the advice that was provided, but I do think this is a book I would have like to have when I started my first job. You see it prepares you for a world brimming with assholes. I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache and a nervous break down. Overall I would say that the intent is great, the way you have a summary at the end of each chapter that lists everything you can do is also great because it is easy to reference. Along with the great stories it would have been nice to hear about the authors experience slightly more. It's probably not good for someone looking for a captivating read, but I definitely recommend it to the people who are facing an asshole problem. Who knows maybe it didn't work for me because I am no longer relating to the problem.

[Cait · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mainly applying to the workplace setting, this book tells you about office jerks on all levels and the tactics to deal with them, including those that you will most likely not win against. It speaks from a personal view and is kind of like getting advice from a friend rather than a professional. There is quite a bit of repetition in places with a lot of research that can make it a bit boring at times. But the likelihood that you are going to encounter, or already encounter difficult people at work, make the slow bits worth it. The author clearly points out that these type of people difficult people overpower our positivity and drain our energy and he goes into practical ways to detect, deflect, avoid, and confront difficult people. While the book focuses on the outward of others, the author also shifts focus on the inward as well. I enjoyed that there was this idea that we should be quick to label ourselves as the difficult person and to be slow in labeling others. Since the workplace is where we spend our whole life, I recommend this one.