The Seven Deadly Friendships: How to Heal When Painful Relationships Eat Away at Your Joy

by Mary E. DeMuth

Friends for a Season? There's something wrong with your friendship, but you can't figure out why. Is everything in your head? Unfortunately, toxic friendships happen to everyone, but we seldom identify the underlying issues while we battle confusion or the friendship breaks up. Maybe you're left bewildered in the friendship's wake, paralyzed to move forward. After wading through several difficult friendships, Mary DeMuth reveals the seven different types of toxic relationships and empowers you to identify the messiest relationships causing you the greatest anguish. You'll gain a new relationship with Jesus as you trust him to be your confidant, healer, and life-giving friend.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Religion

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2018

About the author

Mary DeMuth is literary agent, international speaker, podcaster, and she’s the novelist and nonfiction author of over forty books, including Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy (Bethany 2022). She loves to help people re-story their lives. She lives in Texas with her husband of 31 years and is the mom to three adult children. Find out more at marydemuth.com. Be prayed for on her daily prayer podcast with 4 million downloads: prayeveryday.show. For sexual abuse resources, visit wetoo.org. For cards, prints, and artsy fun go to marydemuth.com/art. Find out what she’s looking for as a literary agent at marydemuthliterary.com

Reviews

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is Nonfiction and the title fit this book perfectly. The author takes a Christian approach to dealing with difficult relationships and healing from them. As first I wasn't feeling the scriptural references. Some felt like it was a bit of stretch to make them fit. However, at the same time I could appreciate the author's message.

She talks about the different types of friendships that can ruin your day and even more. I liked her take on those. I could recognize some old friends in this, some current friends, some family and some of myself even. I learned some things....and I often feel guilt over having terminated some friendships in the past, and this kind of took some of that away.

Now I will say, I absolutely loved, loved, loved the ending. This book could have been 5 stars just for that. I even listened to the ending twice. I enjoyed the way the author pulled it all together and her scriptural references fit well. I was moved by it. SO 4 stars.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every single one of us has been in a toxic, unhealthy, "deadly" friendship. We have all been touched by hurt, pain, betrayal, envy, drama, some even abuse. And this book is a healing balm to the parts of us that have been broken by such relationships. This book is for each and every one of us.
The book is broken up into two parts: chapters on each of the deadly friendships, and a section on healing from those friendships.
The chapters breaking down each deadly friendship were absolutely FASCINATING and eye-opening. (There is also a quiz to decipher what type of "deadly friendship" you are in on the author's website.) And it really helped me because I thought some relationships were a certain way, but I realized some of them were a mixture of a couple of the types of friendship. Although the one thing I wish was a little more discussed was how people can, in fact, be more than one of these relational types. Just like personality tests, where we are a mixture of those types, I feel like these deadly friendships are the same way.
The second section on healing from those relationships was really great too. I love how the author shows that Joseph and Jesus were both faced with all 7 of these deadly relationships, and how they overcame them and healed from them.
I highly recommend this book, and I am so grateful to the author for allowing me to be apart of the launch team and read an advanced copy!! However, this is 100% my own opinion and I recommend it to everyone who has been hurt by a relationship.

[Loreli Cockram · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick and enjoyable read with deep insights that remain with me.

Although it's about 7 Deadly Friendships, it is quite hopeful as it gives the reader Biblical insights and guidelines for when friendships "go bad" (you know the kind, that leave you feeling confused or like you're going crazy).

This is a subject we don't talk about much in Christian circles. Because of our "duty to love," we can let bad behaviours slide or allow false guilt to keep us in unhealthy relationships.

This book also isn't just about how others have done us wrong, but how we might not be acting in healthy ways in our friendships ourselves - quite convicting!

Author Mary DeMuth doesn't leave us reeling with the reality she lays down, but points us towards hope and healing, fostering life-giving friendships in our lives.

I have recommended this to friends and am using the content for a discussion group for young adults.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Seven Deadly Friendships was a very interesting read. I feel like most toxic relationships aren't as black and white as these seven characteristics make it seem, but it was interesting to read. The ending was good and I liked the book overall.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, today, Mary released The Seven Deadly Friendships- How to Heal When Painful Relationships Eat Away at Your Joy. And y'all, read this & you'll see why I say Mary blew me away, again! We all have the friendships where you give more than you get. Or the one where someone twists every single thing back to them so that they are the main attraction, always. Whatever your issues, Mary touches on a great many of them. And she speaks about how to handle them biblically. It doesn't have to be something we rehash over & over in our minds, bugging us to death. Through this book, I've been able to identify what is wrong in the friendship, and biblically process and deal with the relationship. Sometimes, it's best to roll up your sleeves and get through it, even when it's ugly, and sometimes it's just time to cut it out of your life. Mary walks readers through all of this in this wonderful book. By the time you're finished reading and dealing with your problem relationships, you walk away with it off your shoulders, really being okay about whatever the outcome. I highly recommend this book to anyone!

(I received this book free in exchange for my honest opinion.)

[aafreen · Rating 1 out of 5]

no nuance at all lol. not every ex friend is a psychopath out there to get you please 😭

[Luca Cardoza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un excelente libro, te ayudará a poder entender que todos en la tierra son humanos y que siempre te fallarán de una u otra manera, pero que Dios siempre estaré para ti en todo tiempo y que el NUNCA te fallará.
Además de poder entender cómo Dios te ayudará a sobre llevar las amistades tóxicas a tu alrededor.

[Lorna Satchwell · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author had time to put words on paper. This book is steeped in contradictions. I’m disappointed that after reading I’m less empowered in my discerning spirit.

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recognizing seven types of toxic relationships, DeMuth describes each type with patterns of behaviors to look for in friends who can ultimately destroy relationships. The seven deadly are called Narcissist Nolan, Unreliable Uma, Predator Paige, Conman Connor, Tempter Trevor, Faker Fiona, and Dramatic Drake.

The book impressed me because DeMuth talks in plain language and doesn’t use language intended to prompt guilt or shame--in the reader or the person to avoid. She just says we should be aware, and if we need to, move on. Her tone sometimes suggests that we can have a forgiving nature toward others, no matter the hurt they cause us.

I read about the characters she describes and related to the problems because I've encountered all of them at one time or another. I called them "people who suck the life out of you." I also related to the problems of each character because I've been each of them at one time or another. It was hard to admit that I was also at one time 'sucking the life out of people.' I played Dramatic Drake like I was born to it. *sigh*

So does DeMuth offer any advice? Yes. She includes checklists to identify and evaluate a relationship based on patterns of behavior. For instance, the occasional case of a friend being unreliable is forgivable, but it's the patterns she says that should send up red flags.

According to the author, red flags also apply to the reader and they should ask themselves if they also display these patterns. For instance, when Unreliable Uma is someone we identify with, we should ask ourselves if we 'say what we mean and mean what we say.' She also helps us to understand why we may be attracting toxic people.

I’ve lived on both sides of the tracks of toxic relationship, so to speak, and the book gave me an opportunity to look at my blind spots. None of us, I suppose, is ever free of these tendencies. The messages in “The Seven Deadly Friendships” encourage us to rely on God to make our decisions about how we respond to others and what to do in each case.

DeMuth uses scripture to explain how to face the reality of broken relationships and how to heal and move on. The last three chapters are guides to finding healthy relationships based on the character attributes of the biblical characters, Jesus and Joseph. The book closes by describing seven life-giving practices.

[Aminata Coote · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Seven Deadly Friendships is loosely based on the NLT version of Proverbs 6:16-19:

There are six things the Lord hates—
no, seven things he detests:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord in a family.

The author attempted to break the book into seven deadly friends but it was sometimes difficult to keep straight because so many of the characteristics were repeated. I appreciated the stories of persons who talked about their “deadly friendships” but did come away with a good handle on how to heal from these types of friendships. The oft-repeated advice was “stay away”. This is good advice, but it doesn’t help me to deal with the issues I already have because of past deadly friends.

I was also uncomfortable with how some of the Bible texts were handled. I felt as though they were taken out of context and used to fit the scenario at hand. Some examples:

Quote: The best way to think logically about someone enslaved to narcissism is to look at his or her fruit. Jesus said, “You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”(Matthew 7: 16). Even by looking at a narcissist and their fruit, we have to be cautious and discerning.

Matthew 7:16 was lifted out of its surrounding context and made to fit the situation.

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. (Matthew 7:15-20)

To someone who’s not familiar with the Bible, it would seem as though Jesus spoke out against narcissistic people and not false prophets. In my opinion, the same passage could have been used by comparing the narcissist to a false prophet.

Quote: Jesus also reminds us to be frank, to mean what we say and say what we mean. He said, “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will, ‘or ‘No, I won’t. ‘Anything beyond this is from the evil one” (Matthew 5: 37). If you cancel on a friend using an excuse (instead of the truth), you’ll be training yourself to be unreliable. Let your words mean what they say. Don’t fear people so much that you have to make up stories and excuses to say no.

These instructions were given in relation to swearing or making oaths:

Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:
But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne:
Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King.
Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.
But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
(Matthew 5:33-37 KJV)

Quote: Tempter Trevor will lead you where you don’t want to go. In your rational state, you may say to yourself that you’d like to obey God and live a life that makes him smile, but in the moment with your tempting friend, you suddenly become the person you know you don’t want to be.

Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path (Proverbs 16: 29).

They are the worst kind of rebel, full of slander. They are as hard as bronze and iron, and they lead others into corruption (Jeremiah 6: 28).

The passage from Jeremiah 6:28 was in reference to the people from the north who would come to take the Israelites captive:

Thus saith the Lord, Behold, a people cometh from the north country, and a great nation shall be raised from the sides of the earth.
They shall lay hold on bow and spear; they are cruel, and have no mercy; their voice roareth like the sea; and they ride upon horses, set in array as men for war against thee, O daughter of Zion.
We have heard the fame thereof: our hands wax feeble: anguish hath taken hold of us, and pain, as of a woman in travail.
Go not forth into the field, nor walk by the way; for the sword of the enemy and fear is on every side.
O daughter of my people, gird thee with sackcloth, and wallow thyself in ashes: make thee mourning, as for an only son, most bitter lamentation: for the spoiler shall suddenly come upon us.
I have set thee for a tower and a fortress among my people, that thou mayest know and try their way.
They are all grievous revolters, walking with slanders: they are brass and iron; they are all corrupters.

Quote: We see this play out in Jesus’s life at the Passover supper before his betrayal and crucifixion. He literally dined with those who would desert and betray him—the deadliest of friends. Yet he feasted. He poured himself out. He fed his friends, washed their feet, prayed over them. He provided comfort, all the while knowing that in a few short hours, their sins would be forced upon his back. If he can feast in the midst of that kind of strife, we can too. So my prayer for you as you close this book is this: May you be feasting.

The Passover wasn’t a feast. It was a reminder of the night when the angel of death visited all the families in Egypt and killed all the firstborn that were not covered under the blood. Jesus was the perfect Lamb. He didn’t feast. He ate the Passover meal because He was the lamb who would be slain the next day (Exodus 11:1-12:30).

The disciples’ sins weren't "forced on his back", He willingly took them on. The word force suggests that it was done to Him against His will. If Jesus didn’t willingly take on the sins of the world, then we’re not really saved. Only a willing sacrifice could have saved us from the punishment that we deserved.

There are other examples that I could have included but I didn’t want this review to be too long. There is some knowledge to be gleaned from this book, but I would recommend reading it with your Bible close by so you can check the references.
I received a review copy of this book from Net Galley.

[Jennifer Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Seven Deadly Friendships by Mary DeMuth is a book on the types of relationships that can harm us. Taken from her own experiences and Proverbs 6:16-19, Ms. DeMuth takes the reader through the different types of dangerous relationships, what to look out for and how avoid them. Part of the book covers the different relationships. The seven relationships are: narcissistic friends, unreliable friends, predatory friends, conman friends, tempter friends, fake friends and dramatic friends. She also encourages the reader to look at themselves to evaluate if they behave like any these types and offers suggestions to change and avoid these behaviors in the future. Part 2 covers how to move forward, find healthy relationships and gives Biblical examples to encourage and support the readers and he or she strives to change. She offers seven life-giving practices to ensure we are in healthy relationships on everyone’s part. From reviewing the past for patterns of behavior to avoid the behaviors which hurt us and ways to move forward in healthy relationships.
The Seven Deadly Friendships was suggested to me in an email from a publisher I subscribe to. The premise was interesting, so I ordered it. The book was an easy and quick read as I was able to finish it in one day. It’s short only 200 pages but the information is valuable and worth reading. We have all come in contact with individuals who may fit these categories. Whether these individuals are family, friends, co-workers, etc, this book can help you recognize unsafe people and gives strategies how to deal with them if they are people that you must interact with. Ms. DeMuth is very forthcoming and honest about her past experiences with these individuals and offers other people’s experiences. I especially like the parts in which she has the reader evaluate if they have behaved this way in the past or even behaves in these unsafe behaviors in current relationships. She offers strategies on how to deal with moving forward and seeking help, if necessary. If you are looking to improve your relationships with people around you, the first book I recommend is Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. The second one is this book.

The Seven Deadly Friendships
is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook

[Kim Hongsermeier miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful, and insightful book by Mary E. DeMuth. I was fortunate, recently, to have read a PDF version of the book. Mary describes in very colorful descriptions what the seven deadly friendships and what they may look like in others or in yourself. Mary does a lovely job of sharing her testimony and other women testimony of how they became involved, or stayed involved in each relationship. There were some relationship that it was soul-ripping to stop the toxic relationship, and other relationships that were easier to walk away from. Mary delivers a book that is sure to make you stop, and assess all of your relationship, past and present to determine what you have done well and where you can improve. I was able to see plenty of relationships that I had been sucked into, and stayed. And other relationships that I could actually be present in in a healthy way. If you are struggling with any of your relationships, past or present, I would highly recommend picking up Mary DeMuth new book, and reading it. It will give you a great insight into how God can help you make better choices.

[Tuesdayschild]

Abandoned 09/01/2022.
12/2018 I paused as this was not panning out as a very encouraging “Christmas season” listen 😏
I know scripture has compound meaning, but it feels like Mary is taking some stretching liberty with the application of some verses. The book is still interesting enough for me want to continue reading during 2019.
(I changed my mind concerning trying to continue with this book, this year, 2022 and don't feel like revisiting it.)

[Diana Hoekstra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever been in a friendship that was complicated? Then, you realized it actually felt toxic? When you spend time with this friend, you come away confused and exhausted. You wonder if you are the crazy one. You relive entire conversations with this person in your head trying to make sense of it. Maybe your friend is one of the seven deadly friendships Mary DeMuth discusses in her great new book! She takes the seven deadly sins from scripture (Proverbs) and shows what these look like in our relationships. The Seven Deadly Friendships helps you identify the toxic relationships in your life—the narcissist, the unreliable, the predator, the conman, the tempter, the faker and the dramatic friend. What does the Bible say about these types of friends? How are we to respond? How do we heal from one of these toxic relationships? And, could we be one of these types to friends? Checking ourselves. Then Mary DeMuth shows us "the redemptive hand of God in relational heartache" using Joseph and Jesus as our example. She gives seven life-giving practices that not only help us navigate the difficult relationships but "change our own view of life." From life-sucking to life-giving! This is a great book!

[Leigh Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

We'd all like to think that we left friendship drama behind in junior high, but navigating adult friendships can also be tricky. Sometimes we know there is something wrong with a relationship, but we can't quite put our finger on it. Sometimes we may wonder how what looked like a beautiful friendship wound up being so painful, and sometimes we may wonder if the problem in the relationship is really us. In the Seven Deadly Friendships, author Mary De Muth identifies seven deadly relationship patterns, helps us examine how we may be guilty of these patterns, and points us to how we can find the path of healing. While written for an adult audience, the book would also be a good resource for parents of teen girls. I'd recommend it for any woman who needs to heal from difficult relationships and who desires to form healthy new ones. I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.

[Lisa Morrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book!

[Tandy Hogate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Run, don’t walk. Get this book preordered. I can not recommend it enough.

As a member of Mary DeMuth’s launch team I was given a prerelease copy of this book to read - I had no idea it would rock my world and soothe my battered heart the way it has.

Mary prays for her readers daily. Knowing I was being prayed for as I read the book just felt good.

Here is a tiny excerpt from the intro. I’ll post more over time but this is just beautiful.

“My hunch is that you picked up this book because of a crushed spirit. Someone you thought would be there forever, a friend who morphed from ally to adversary, has wounded you. You’re living in the pain of that betrayal, and you want to make sense of it all, learn from it, and find healing. So before you turn the page to chapter 1, where we dive headlong into the first deadly friendship, do you mind if I pray for you?
Jesus, I pray for my friend reading these words today. Would you shoulder the grief? Would you gently remind that you completely understand what it’s like to walk through betrayal? Please comfort, heal, and establish. Bring a new perspective and a holy understanding of what it means to engage in a world that hurts you. Oh, how we all need you, Jesus. Without you, we are crushed. With you, we are loved. Holy Spirit, please illuminate the journey my friend will take to assess current and past friendships. Amen.”

If this describes you, if you have ever had a friendship hurt you, then you need this book.

[Sarah Stout · Rating 5 out of 5]

As beings who are created for authentic community, some of our deepest hurts can be traced back to instances where community wasn’t practiced in healthy ways. In Mary DeMuth’s latest book, The Seven Deadly Friendships, she takes us on an eye-opening journey through Proverbs 6:16-19. Readers will find healing, courage, and gentle conviction as she paints pictures of seven “friends” who practice the very behaviors the Lord hates. In the first portion of the book, Mary begins each chapter with a character analysis of what these “friends” act like, before providing real life examples, Scriptural insights, and personal application. Narrowing in on the lives of Joseph and Jesus, the second portion of the book is focused on how to find health after acknowledging the toxicity we may have allowed in our lives…or are practicing ourselves.

As a long time fan of Mary’s writing, this book did not disappoint. I have always found her words to be “gracious and seasoned with salt”. Her transparent soul has a way of bringing encouragement and conviction in a gentle way. One of the ways this book is set apart from other similar books on toxic relationships, is it invites readers to examine themselves to see if there is “any offensive way in them”. Mary also acknowledges the sacrificial nature of continuing to love others after they have wronged us, while still maintaining boundaries and learning when separation is appropriate and needed.

I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone. I know it will bring courage and healing to many!

[Chautona Havig · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Did I Learn about The Seven Deadly Friendships?
Oy! Where do I begin? You see, this book doesn’t just say, “Nervous Nellie (not a real friendship type) isn’t healthy because she is encouraging you to sin by being anxious.” Honestly, if I hadn’t heard Mary DeMuth speak on the topic of her book, I might not have bought it because that is the assumption I would have made.

I would have been wrong—so very wrong.

With kindness, compassion, and firmness without condemnation, Ms. DeMuth takes us bit by bit through her seven types of friends who are each based on one of the seven deadly sins. But it doesn’t start or stop with, “This type of person is evil because…”

No, first she introduces the type of friend and uses personal stories and other anecdotes to illustrate how that might look in your life. Rather than the canned, written-to-prove-a-point stories that so many non-fiction books employ, Ms. DeMuth either uses actual stories as she claims (shocker, I know), or uses her skills as a novelist to make them reasonable and realistic. I tend to assume the former. What can I say? I’m an optimist.

But The Seven Deadly Friendships doesn’t stop with identifying why your friendship is a mess or ended so badly.
She moves from understanding the type, to identifying the problem, considering a solution, and looking at the friendships through a Biblical lens. How are we to respond Biblically to this. Finally, she points the finger back at you. Are you this type of friend?

And that’s why I bought the book, of course. I wanted to be certain that I was not the very person I’d just read about. For the curious? One didn’t stand out to me. Like with most tests and things to help unbox my psyche, this one showed me a nice, even, a little bit of everything kind of person. I’m just all around messed up.

I could have told you that before I read The Seven Deadly Friendships but it was kind of cool to see how I’m messed up—specifically. And it was also nice to see that when I’ve chosen to step away from unhealthy relationships, I wasn’t unChristlike. How I did it may or may not have been. But as I’ve been learning over the last decade or so, there is nothing loving about encouraging a brother or sister in Christ in their sin by allowing them to perpetuate it… on you or anyone else.

Recommended for anyone who wants to understand the hurt and turmoil around them or in their lives. The book is well-written, not “verse-picked” or “proof-texted.” It’s meaty with everything you need to know to understand the topic and yet an easy read. If you have a friend who seems to attract toxic relationships, or if you are that person, I highly recommend The Seven Deadly Friendships.

Would you like to know if you or your friend exhibits traits of one of the seven deadly friendships?  Take Mary's Quiz at marydemuth.com/deadly.  I did it both with myself and someone with whom I've had conflict recently. I found it enlightening.

Had there been a 4.75 review option, I would have given that. The book isn't 100% amazing, but I LOVED it... not just really liked it. So, I decided that because she does better than anyone else I've ever seen at identifying unhealthy relationships in a HEALTHY way, that she should get five full stars, even if Goodreads says that means it's AMAZING. Well done, Ms. DeMuth.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was able to preview an advanced PDF copy of this book. I was first attracted by that cover, then the title. Mary has taken the seven deadly sins and broken them down to describe "The Seven Deadly Friendships" that one could encounter in their lifetime. These relationships don't have to be friendships. They can describe a parental relationship, a romantic relationship, a work relationship. The list goes on. If you've lived to be twenty years old, you've encountered at least one of these difficult and sometimes toxic relationships. Some people attract more than their fair share based on past experiences. The cycle just can't seem to be broken.

Mary will help you pinpoint these relationships and then give you practical advice on how to repair damage to the relationship or to walk away if that is what is best for you. She uses stories from the Bible to better describe these situations. You'll learn warning signs of each type of deadly relationship such as Narcissistic Nolan, Unreliable Uma and Dramatic Drake. All hope is not lost. Don't let the title scare you. Many relationships can be repaired and healed when all parties are willing. But if they can't be, this book will help with that too.

What if you resemble one or a combination of these deadly friends? You just might see yourself in this book. You don't have to stay stuck that way! Mary touches on that possibility as well. Hold the mirror up if you need to. It's all about getting healthy.

[Emily P · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary DeMuth has once again sent out powerful words into the world. Anyone who's experienced a strained relationship with a friend or family member can find wisdom and encouragement from "The Seven Deadly Friendships." There are specific chapters that set out problematic friend archetypes to help readers determine which friendship they are facing. Each chapter proceeds into areas some rarely talk about, a skill Mary deftly uses in all of her books. Being ready to face the challenge of one of these "seven deadly friends" gives the reader an opportunity to evaluate the present relationship, identify past relationships that were rife with trouble, and find ways to leave said friendships in a healthy, God honoring way. She also offers self reflection in the fact that perhaps, we, too have been a 'deadly friend' once and a while in our dealings with others.

She uses the second half of the book to show us two major examples of people from Scripture who faced true relational issues-- Joseph and Jesus (along with Paul, John and a few others.) While a book of this type could be seen as a depressing topic, Mary does not leave you in the midst of struggle or strife. She offers Scriptural supports, encouragement and suggestions from counselors and other authors who excel in relationship building or repair. There are many resources notated that the reader could seek out if more discussion or help is needed in the future.

Mary does what she does best: raw, authentic, introspective writing that continues to deliver hope, even in the midst of challenging circumstances. We do not have to be held hostage to other people's bad behavior, but that also doesn't eliminate ourselves as possibly being the type of friend that needs a reboot in order to be a better friend.


I received a PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.

[Misty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary DeMuth does a great job examining the toxic relationships we have all experienced. She skillfully identifies the various characteristics of these friendly foes. Then shares biblical wisdom and powerful insight to help heal from the pain and devastation caused by these deadly friends!

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary DeMuth offers hope and healing to the hurting in The Seven Deadly Friendships. It sounds trite, but it’s true.

The book’s convenient organization makes for easy reading, which helps balance the heavy nature of the topic. Each chapter of the first part contains the same sections: introduction, character traits, example stories, what the Bible says, what if this is me?

Mary sprinkles hope throughout the entire book and focuses on healing in the second half. She wisely and beautifully points the hurting to Christ and also offers some practical advice. This is definitely a book you will want to make up and come back to multiple times.

I received an advanced copy for review. These are my genuine thoughts.

[Beth Berryman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book could not have come to me at a better time. Mary explains several types of friends that have toxic tendencies. The second half of the book offers a biblical perspective of these same types of situations. There is a lot of good information on healing and overcoming the impact of negative friendships in an easy to understand fashion offered in this book.
I did receive a pdf copy to review. This review is my own reflection.

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book outlines 7 different toxic relationships and how to spot them, scripture on how to handle each of them and how to be victorious. I love that she shares about the toxic relationship of people in the Bible and how God still uses them for his glory. Great book, I highly recommend!

[Leslie Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful read! Mary DeMuth writes as though she's peering over your shoulder into your life and seeing the good and bad. But she offers empathy, gentle correction and scripturally-sound direction.

When I started The Seven Deadly Friendships, I expected to just read about people who had hurt me and learn techniques about how to get past the betrayal and pain. I was definitely able to apply her teaching and stories to current and past relationships. However, the amazing thing was, I saw just as many—if not MORE—things about my own life that needed the Lord's gentle correction. After reading about my tendencies and fallback habits, I can analyze my role in various relationships and become a more loving and supportive friend.

Some people don’t even recognize the toxicity of a bad relationship. They fool themselves because they allow a “friend” to walk all over them or dismiss their relationship when time is limited or the so-called friend doesn’t think they have the bandwidth to support the needs of the one who’s hurting. These folks will really benefit from The Seven Deadly Friendships.

I hope potential readers don’t dismiss this book because they think, “I don’t need a book about deadly friendships. All my friends love and support me. I can’t relate.” The truth is, nearly everyone will benefit from reading and understanding this message. Here are a few reasons those who aren’t currently experiencing a toxic relationship need this book:

1. Most people, particular parents, know someone, like their child, who needs this book to help them navigate a difficult relationship.
2. Others need it like I did—to see tendencies in their own lives that need to change to have deeper, more fulfilling connections with those they care about.
3. The final group would be those who have yet to walk this road but will someday. Informed people react with greater understanding and strength with any challenge of life.

I highly recommend The 7 Deadly Friendships to any of the people mentioned above, as well as those who currently struggle with a difficult relationship.

I did receive an advanced copy of this book, but I’ve purchased it willingly as a resource to help others.

[Romi Sigma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary DeMuth writes not as an expert in psychology or counseling, but as a person who has been there and experienced the frustration and pain of relationships gone wrong.
The book is based on the list of sins in Proverbs 6:16-19. The deadly friendships are: narcissistic Nolan, unreliable Uma, predator Paige, conman Connor, tempter Trevor, faker Fiona, dramatic Drake.
She makes a distinction between a person who embodies any of these personalities and having traits of that personality. I’m thankful that she ends each chapter with some self reflection: am I such a friend?
DeMuth offers examples of interactions with the different personalities to illustrate what a friendship with any one of them might look like.
She offers Scriptural support that speaks against the belief that we should just put up with bad behavior from our friends. Refraining from speaking up or taking action will harm not only the suffering friend but other people, and even the harmful friend, in the long run.

The chapter about Joseph tells the story of this Biblical character as an illustration of how we can allow God to use our experiences to refine us, without allowing the pain of the experiences to hold us back and destroy us.
Ultimately, our example is Jesus, and Mary DeMuth takes a chapter to show us how he interacted with all seven of the bad friends. He encountered the worst, but by the way he responded, he became our perfect role model. But not only that, he also provided redemption for all of us and gave us the Holy Spirit so we are able to respond the way he did. “Even in the trenches of difficult relationships. Oh, how Jesus knows!”

The final chapter is called the seven life-giving practices and explains them. There’s hope and there’s a future.

I feel that she wrote the whole book with these words in mind: “we are all broken, sin-scarred, clay footed people who hurt each other. We are all in need of grace.”

With thanks to Harvest House Publishers and Netgalley.

[Kateřina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Asi skoro každý se někdy za svůj život setkal s někým, ve kterém se zklamal, byl v nějakém zlomeném přátelství, odcizení. I já jsem potřebovala zahojit své rány, které mě nedávno potkaly. Na tuto knihu jsem narazila čirou náhodou a naznala jsem, že je to přesně kniha pro moje rozpoložení a aktuální situaci.

Autorka přirovnává sedm typů toxických osobností k biblickým hříchům. Ať už se jedná o člověka, který se chová falešně, nespolehlivě nebo má tak dramatickou osobnost, až to bolí. U každého ze sedmi typů jsou uvedené charakteristiky, podle kterých lze daného zástupce poznat, osobní příběhy i srovnání s těmi biblickými. A protože i čtenář knihy může reprezentovat nějakou takovou osobnost, autorka předkládá rady i jak se se svým počínáním vyrovnat a být lepším přítelem.

Druhá část knihy pak porovnává některé osobnosti z biblických příběhů a předkládá rady, jak si udržet přátelství se správnými lidmi a pečovat o ně. Možná bych byla ráda, kdyby tato druhá část knihy byla ještě delší, protože zmiňovaných sedm osobností je v knize popsáno až vyčerpávajícím způsobem, ale samotný konec díla už je takový trošku uspěchaný.

Jednu hvězdičku však musím odebrat i za to, že kniha je opravdu velice protkaná biblickými příběhy a pro člověka, který není tolik věřícím může tato skutečnost děj trochu zpomalovat, i když dané porovnávání bylo od začátku záměrem autorky. Přesto se jedná o zajímavou knihu, ze které jsem si zvýraznila plno myšlenek a určitě mi napomohla s vyrovnáním nad mrtvými přátelstvími a plyne z ní mnoho poučení. Až budu ve svém životě třeba svědkem podobné situace, tak se k ní plánuji vrátit a najít zase zajímavé myšlenky a rady.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recommend this book enough!

As I read “The Seven Deadly Friendships,” I kept thinking one thing over and over: This message of this book is so important. Living in a fallen world, we are bound to have deadly friendships—and they never leave us the same. And as the Mary DeMuth points out, Christians are not immune to destructive friendships—in fact, sometimes we are more susceptible to them because of our desire to show grace. Toxic friendships are a tactic of the enemy to create destruction in our lives, churches, and even threaten to sabotage healthy relationships. This book is a must-read for all who want to heal from past hurts, guard ourselves against future toxic relationships and consider whether we ourselves are deadly friends.

"The Seven Deadly Friendships" is easy to read, well-structured and biblicalyy-based. The author guides the reader through identifying deadly friendships (based on the biblical seven deadly sins found in Proverbs 6), and how to respond to these relationships biblically while pointing us to the ultimate Healer, Jesus. I loved the fact that Mary never lost sight of biblical truth; and her honesty about her struggles with her own deadly friendships—even admitting the times when she’s been a deadly friend to others.

Another benefit of this book: It will give you a new appreciation for your healthy, life-giving friendships—they are God’s blessing to us!

[Amanda Osenga · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in a unique season of life. We recently moved halfway across the country. I've had some unique health and personal challenges in the last few years. I've seen another side of friendships I never knew existed. Through my trials I have discovered a lot about the people I thought were friends. I discovered a lot about myself and the kind of friend I am. This book comes into my life at the perfect time.

We're in an unprecedented time in history. Thanks to Social Media, we are more connected than ever. And yet we're so horribly disconnected. Something I hear people say constantly is "I don't know how to make friends" or "I'm not even sure who my real friends are." This book helps immensely.

Mary has done an excellent job. Not only is this book easy to read, it makes so much sense. I love the easy-to-follow bullets under each "deadly friendship." Not only that, she gives us great tips to understand if WE are any of those types of friends.

As I navigate this new season of life, and build new friendships in my new town, I am incredibly grateful for this book. I think it would be a beneficial read for anyone who feels like they haven't been able to *get* the friendship thing. Or anyone who has been wounded by a friendship and either need healing or doesn't quite know "what went wrong."

I am thankful to have received an Advanced Reader PDF Copy of this book to share my honest opinions with you.