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F*ck Whales: Also Families, Poetry, Folksy Wisdom and You
A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe .
In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, complete with self-promotion, petty rants, and brilliant essays on anything and everything Maddox deems worthy of his ire.
In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, complete with self-promotion, petty rants, and brilliant essays on anything and everything Maddox deems worthy of his ire.
256 pages, Paperback
Published May 15, 2018
About the author
Maddox
22 books106 followersMaddox is a native Utahn and visionary director of The Best Page in the Universe website. Once a lowly programmer for a telemarketing company, he now stands as a specimen of sheer masculinity and chiseled good looks. When he's not writing his own biographies in the third person, he be found writing articles for his website.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
Want to Read
January 19, 2018
I am writing on behalf of my client, Mr K. Whale, of no fixed abode but currently about 110 nautical miles east north east of Novia Scotia. As a lifelong cetacean, Mr Whale was grossly offended by the title of this book, and he was consequently pleased to see the brief but robust review posted on October 19 2017 by Jamie. He was distressed to learn that said review has since been removed by the Goodreads administrators. Mr Whale wishes me to quote the full text of the review, which runs as follows:
did not like itDespite the nature of the review, which in other contexts might have been construed as inappropriately attacking the author, my client submits that here it constitutes no more than fair comment, and might even be deemed to contain a modicum of wit. He requests that the review be replaced as quickly as is practicable, and in all events less than two (2) business days after receipt of this letter.
fuck maddox
Yours sincerely,
Geraldine R. Reader
pp K. Whale
June 22, 2018
I remember finding him funny at some point. I think I was about 12.
March 25, 2018
Maddox definitely isn't underappreciated, but I believe he's often misunderstood.
The comedian/critic made a name for himself on the internet for setting fire to whatever he thought was disingenuous or downright stupid, so he got a huge following for being a provocateur. This book is much more sneaky and nuanced than anything he's ever offered before. He first lays the baseline of what he's going to do by writing outlandish, laughable stuff like fuck trees and fuck tables and slowly works in more serious and controversial topic: fuck your favorite television show, fuck your shitty opinions, fuck being proud of yourself, etc.
I don't always agree with him, but he always have a well-structured argument based on research and... that's kind of the point of the book. You can make a strong argument against pretty much everything, but we live in a time where we feel obligated to please everyone and sometimes it comes at the expense of having an informed opinion. You can say or believe anything you want for as long as you do your homework because that in itself will keep your from saying stupidities. And not enough people do that. But Maddox does.
The comedian/critic made a name for himself on the internet for setting fire to whatever he thought was disingenuous or downright stupid, so he got a huge following for being a provocateur. This book is much more sneaky and nuanced than anything he's ever offered before. He first lays the baseline of what he's going to do by writing outlandish, laughable stuff like fuck trees and fuck tables and slowly works in more serious and controversial topic: fuck your favorite television show, fuck your shitty opinions, fuck being proud of yourself, etc.
I don't always agree with him, but he always have a well-structured argument based on research and... that's kind of the point of the book. You can make a strong argument against pretty much everything, but we live in a time where we feel obligated to please everyone and sometimes it comes at the expense of having an informed opinion. You can say or believe anything you want for as long as you do your homework because that in itself will keep your from saying stupidities. And not enough people do that. But Maddox does.
January 9, 2018
There are definitely points of genius in this book. When Maddox goes into one of his imaginative allegories to rip apart an opposing argument or just make a sharp counterpoint, it often times made me laugh out loud. There were several weak chapters, where he goes into "Professor Maddox" mode and manages to bore the whole class to putting a gun to their heads and pulling the trigger. If we wanted a dry encyclopedia entry we'd go to wikipedia.
Thankfully, there aren't too many of these chapters. There's a bit of callback humor in the beginning but thankfully Maddox pulls it back before it starts being unfunny, like a free t-shirt contest, or a Titanic bit. If you only have time to read 2 chapters, I recommend "Fuck Dichotomies" and "Fuck Your Objection to Sexual Objectification." Maddox shows why he's still worth reading, how he has the rare faculties to see issues behind issues and then make fun of them mercilessly.
Illustrations were great; wish there were twice as many.
Overall, I hope they repeal the 8th amendment so judges could sentence every criminal into reading this book.
Thankfully, there aren't too many of these chapters. There's a bit of callback humor in the beginning but thankfully Maddox pulls it back before it starts being unfunny, like a free t-shirt contest, or a Titanic bit. If you only have time to read 2 chapters, I recommend "Fuck Dichotomies" and "Fuck Your Objection to Sexual Objectification." Maddox shows why he's still worth reading, how he has the rare faculties to see issues behind issues and then make fun of them mercilessly.
Illustrations were great; wish there were twice as many.
Overall, I hope they repeal the 8th amendment so judges could sentence every criminal into reading this book.
October 23, 2017
One of the most entertaining books I've read in a while.
May 17, 2018
Disagree
June 10, 2018
My first Maddox. I have to admit I had no idea who he was before reading.
It was enjoyable. I get that if you want a large readership, then a certain number of 'fucks', crass descriptions, lowest denominator cracks, and controversial opinions can go a long way. I get that if you want a lot of people, perhaps many that would never read under other circumstances, to consider your real opinions and passionately-held views, then it is maybe compulsory to surround them with a lot of humorous, crazy, outlandish, swaggering satire at the same time. There is a niggling feeling though, that a sought-after side effect of this is to render the author impervious to criticism for the stances he sincerely takes, which is a little disappointing when those views are so well-expressed and on the money.
I think the essays on Trigger Warnings, People Who Agree with You, Soulmates, Raising Awareness, Censorship*, Following Your Dreams, Being Proud of Who You Are, Your Racist Witch Hunt, Abstraction, Being Offended*, and Objection to Sexual Objectification are brilliant, thought-provoking pieces that reward rereading. The others are mostly a guilty pleasure soon forgotten. The sifting, while sometimes annoying and detracting, is fun if you take it as a treasure hunt.
*One has to overlook the title of his book to take him seriously, but there you go again with the irony get-out clause.
It was enjoyable. I get that if you want a large readership, then a certain number of 'fucks', crass descriptions, lowest denominator cracks, and controversial opinions can go a long way. I get that if you want a lot of people, perhaps many that would never read under other circumstances, to consider your real opinions and passionately-held views, then it is maybe compulsory to surround them with a lot of humorous, crazy, outlandish, swaggering satire at the same time. There is a niggling feeling though, that a sought-after side effect of this is to render the author impervious to criticism for the stances he sincerely takes, which is a little disappointing when those views are so well-expressed and on the money.
I think the essays on Trigger Warnings, People Who Agree with You, Soulmates, Raising Awareness, Censorship*, Following Your Dreams, Being Proud of Who You Are, Your Racist Witch Hunt, Abstraction, Being Offended*, and Objection to Sexual Objectification are brilliant, thought-provoking pieces that reward rereading. The others are mostly a guilty pleasure soon forgotten. The sifting, while sometimes annoying and detracting, is fun if you take it as a treasure hunt.
*One has to overlook the title of his book to take him seriously, but there you go again with the irony get-out clause.
December 30, 2019
This is not a bad book and the first three chapters where he talks about ridiculous topics such as his hatred of whales are great and felt very Dave Berryish. However the later chapter begin to turn into rants against "political correctness" and other issues. There are still funny parts and sometimes his points are interesting and well argued. However they are often boring and not worth it. Read the first three essays and then put the book back.
April 7, 2018
You may loathe yourself after you have flipped through the pages of "F*ck Whales", but you will certainly will hate yourself for not reading it all.
The wisdom contained in this book's pages is undeniable. We are absurd creatures who live a false and contrived existence that values bullshit over substance, signalled virtue above truth.
So fuck whales and fuck you. Read this book.
The wisdom contained in this book's pages is undeniable. We are absurd creatures who live a false and contrived existence that values bullshit over substance, signalled virtue above truth.
So fuck whales and fuck you. Read this book.
November 2, 2017
Was so Happy that I got this Book through a Giveaway. Was one of the craziest, stupidest, humorous book I have ever read in my entire life. I read it in one sitting cause it was like a train wreck I couldn't put it down.
September 18, 2023
Nearly peed myself in the essay section of Barnes and Noble.
10/10 would nearly die of embarrassment again.
10/10 would nearly die of embarrassment again.
June 2, 2018
Somewhere between genius and a waste of time.
January 21, 2018
Read the reviews for Alphabet of Manliness or go to The Best Page in the Universe if you want an idea if you will like like Maddox's style. Since it's so similar, it's easier to just recommend this book to certain types of people.
Recommended for:
- People who like re-hashed content.
- People who have never read alphabet of manliness and find this book in the bargain bin.
- Pseudo-intellectuals and people who use the word 'dichotomy'.
- People who like reading inane musings of a cynic devoid of comedy
- People who like censorship
Not recommended for:
- People who expected this to be called "The best Book in the Universe"
- People who like good satire.
- People who can't read this book without maddox's voice narrating the whole thing (its annoying)
- Anybody who is against getting their review removed, being the target of a job lynch mob or getting dragged into legal proceedings.
- People with something better to do
Recommended for:
- People who like re-hashed content.
- People who have never read alphabet of manliness and find this book in the bargain bin.
- Pseudo-intellectuals and people who use the word 'dichotomy'.
- People who like reading inane musings of a cynic devoid of comedy
- People who like censorship
Not recommended for:
- People who expected this to be called "The best Book in the Universe"
- People who like good satire.
- People who can't read this book without maddox's voice narrating the whole thing (its annoying)
- Anybody who is against getting their review removed, being the target of a job lynch mob or getting dragged into legal proceedings.
- People with something better to do
October 18, 2017
Maddox truly has lost his edge.
I am at a loss for words after reading what I was looking forward to for the past 2 years, a new book from Maddox. This book was a lot of recycled content from his articles as expected but with no interesting takes, none of its novelty or edge. I don't know what to say but as a disappointed fan don't come to this book for nostalgia from his previous 2 books.
That being said this book has an odd format and doesn't really add anything to the dialog. I truly miss when Maddox was funny.
I am at a loss for words after reading what I was looking forward to for the past 2 years, a new book from Maddox. This book was a lot of recycled content from his articles as expected but with no interesting takes, none of its novelty or edge. I don't know what to say but as a disappointed fan don't come to this book for nostalgia from his previous 2 books.
That being said this book has an odd format and doesn't really add anything to the dialog. I truly miss when Maddox was funny.
January 23, 2018
What even is this book? :0:p #christmaspresent
Overall very enjoyable, I will recommend!
Maddox brought up some very good points in several of the short essays. A few of his pointed comments had me laughing aloud and everyone looking at me like I was crazy. However, some chapters were too serious. The F*ck Families essay, for example, did not come off as petty or charming but bitter and biased. A couple other chapters were thin in content and it seemed as if Maddox was stretching just to add more pages.
Overall very enjoyable, I will recommend!
June 10, 2018
Pablum for folks who've never had an original thought... which, according to this dude is one of the easiest things ever to do. So that's pretty telling about fans of his. I agree with some of what he's argued here, but the self-important flavored delivery makes it difficult to take the guy seriously. Most of it just isn't that funny. Repetitive, gimmicky schlock.
December 31, 2017
F*ck authors that believe they are exceptional.
I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway.
I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway.
July 15, 2020
What seemed like a funny satirical book initially turned into unfunny ranting.
November 16, 2017
I've been a Maddox fan for many years, but this isn't one of his better efforts. Don't get me wrong--it's still pretty good, but not GREAT.
Maddox's writing, while darkly satirical, is often very insightful. For instance, in this book he rants against the television series, "Game of Thrones." I enjoyed that bit, because I have never watched a single episode, and I have no plans to ever do so. He points out that you could complete a university class on English Tudor history in less time required to "catch up" on eight seasons of television, not to mention the roughly 5,600 pages in all of the George R. R. Martin books.
However, much of the rest of the book was tiresome, and boring. Ironically, there was even one section entitled, "Fuck Online Reviews." I normally enjoy his arguments, but many of the rants in this book, including that one, were sort of weak.
Remember when bands actually released albums and you had to buy the whole thing, even though you only liked a couple of the songs? This book is sort of like that. Some bits are funny, but some bits seem as if he's trying to just add filler.
Maddox's writing, while darkly satirical, is often very insightful. For instance, in this book he rants against the television series, "Game of Thrones." I enjoyed that bit, because I have never watched a single episode, and I have no plans to ever do so. He points out that you could complete a university class on English Tudor history in less time required to "catch up" on eight seasons of television, not to mention the roughly 5,600 pages in all of the George R. R. Martin books.
However, much of the rest of the book was tiresome, and boring. Ironically, there was even one section entitled, "Fuck Online Reviews." I normally enjoy his arguments, but many of the rants in this book, including that one, were sort of weak.
Remember when bands actually released albums and you had to buy the whole thing, even though you only liked a couple of the songs? This book is sort of like that. Some bits are funny, but some bits seem as if he's trying to just add filler.
April 24, 2021
Mostly entering and a bit thought-provoking.
Picked this book on a whim. I feel like I've vaguely heard of Maddox in my peripheral vision (possibly about some internet drama) but can recall no specifics. The premise is easy enough to jump into blind. An overconfident look at why x, y and z suck with mostly satire points.
Most points fall into three categories:
-An entertaining, even if not fully logical, criticism.
What you would likely expect from this book. Well written crass commentary of flaws in things. Like how "dogs will shamelessly lock eyes with you while pitching off a hot pile of ass-fudge".
-Desperate reaches for content.
Likely filler content needed to make up a book. Points can be either a huge stretch to see something as even jokingly a criticism or just plain obvious (like rhyming limits what you can say or old ideas aren't always good ideas).
-Genuinely good points.
Surprising considering the comedic nature of the book. Things like don't cling to toxic relationships out of family duty or don't get pressured by stressful deadlines/situations. One thing that stood out as a well-considered politically take in a sea of pro/anti Feminism mudslinging is the part about rape culture. In short, blaming cultural factors provides an easy defence for apologists to blame everyone else.
I may check out the other books.
Picked this book on a whim. I feel like I've vaguely heard of Maddox in my peripheral vision (possibly about some internet drama) but can recall no specifics. The premise is easy enough to jump into blind. An overconfident look at why x, y and z suck with mostly satire points.
Most points fall into three categories:
-An entertaining, even if not fully logical, criticism.
What you would likely expect from this book. Well written crass commentary of flaws in things. Like how "dogs will shamelessly lock eyes with you while pitching off a hot pile of ass-fudge".
-Desperate reaches for content.
Likely filler content needed to make up a book. Points can be either a huge stretch to see something as even jokingly a criticism or just plain obvious (like rhyming limits what you can say or old ideas aren't always good ideas).
-Genuinely good points.
Surprising considering the comedic nature of the book. Things like don't cling to toxic relationships out of family duty or don't get pressured by stressful deadlines/situations. One thing that stood out as a well-considered politically take in a sea of pro/anti Feminism mudslinging is the part about rape culture. In short, blaming cultural factors provides an easy defence for apologists to blame everyone else.
I may check out the other books.
January 8, 2024
I really enjoyed Maddox back in the day, but fell off around the time he released "I am Better Than Your Kids".
He recently released a long long long Youtube video about how he's been continuously harassed by his ex-podcast co-host.
That got me interested in finally giving this 2017 book a read.
It's quite funny at times. Throughout the 20 or so short essays, Maddox is either just being completely irreverent or trying to make some real points - at times it's hard to tell. It is nice to read opinionated humour that doesn't fall into either the Republican or Democrat talking points. I'd love for him to put out more content on a consistent basis.
He recently released a long long long Youtube video about how he's been continuously harassed by his ex-podcast co-host.
That got me interested in finally giving this 2017 book a read.
It's quite funny at times. Throughout the 20 or so short essays, Maddox is either just being completely irreverent or trying to make some real points - at times it's hard to tell. It is nice to read opinionated humour that doesn't fall into either the Republican or Democrat talking points. I'd love for him to put out more content on a consistent basis.
February 26, 2018
It was not a bad book at all, even if it was mostly a written form of ideas Maddox expressed in the biggest problem in the universe podcast.
I had a couple of good laughs, but a lot less than I expected. Still worth a read if you have ever been a fan of Maddox but not as much fun as his first book. It just felt so serious compared to the Alphabet of Manliness.
It's really too bad that it got a bad reputation with all that's been happening with Maddox lately, I'm sure he would have sold more.
I had a couple of good laughs, but a lot less than I expected. Still worth a read if you have ever been a fan of Maddox but not as much fun as his first book. It just felt so serious compared to the Alphabet of Manliness.
It's really too bad that it got a bad reputation with all that's been happening with Maddox lately, I'm sure he would have sold more.
May 8, 2018
Sometimes it’s fun to read a book where the author rages about everything - and sometimes it’s not. It was well-written throughout, and at its best when totally satirical and with frequent off-the-wall jokes. When it attempted to be serious, with cherry-picked scientific articles and insufficiently supported assertions, it was less interesting.
December 19, 2018
Ugh. Okay. So the first two or three chapters I was good. But after a while it just gets repetitive and instead of being funny it's whiny. I would recommend you read this book as a bedtime story. One chapter a night, or something to drag it out a little bit and not deal with getting bored 1/3 of the way in.
January 4, 2019
Pretty insane to start but then you realize the satire is really just there to disarm you into hearing honest truths that a lot of people dont want to talk about. I have been a long time reader of Maddox and The Alphabet of Manliness was one of my favorite comedy books from back in the day. Glad he is still Publishing and will keep up with his work always.
5 out of 5 beers🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
5 out of 5 beers🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
January 12, 2021
As you can expect from the author of The Best Page in the Universe, his book contains a mixture of funny essays. Some of them are there just to amuse you (e.g. his disdain for horses, whales, ants, children etc.) and others are there to make you think (e.g. his disdain for trigger warnings, paid parental leave, objection to sexual objectification etc.). Great read if you like Maddox's stuff
January 1, 2024
Maddox is a gem.
So sick of the fucking bullshit annoying flowery cunnilingus politically correct shit out there....
please write more, preferably about annoying wealthy people and their obsession with trying to seem young when they aren't and how creepy they are and how disturbing it is how far people go to establish dominance.
So sick of the fucking bullshit annoying flowery cunnilingus politically correct shit out there....
please write more, preferably about annoying wealthy people and their obsession with trying to seem young when they aren't and how creepy they are and how disturbing it is how far people go to establish dominance.
December 28, 2018
This book as some pretty unique points that do make you consider the author’s viewpoint. It was some just funny, ridiculous viewpoints like ensue a chuckle. It also has some viewpoints that make you loathe the author.
February 17, 2019
This book is basically The Bible.
Everything you need to know about living a good life - if you've ever wanted to get an uncensored vision of what goes through my mind on a daily basis, pick up F*ck Whales immediately.
Everything you need to know about living a good life - if you've ever wanted to get an uncensored vision of what goes through my mind on a daily basis, pick up F*ck Whales immediately.
March 6, 2021
Stopped on 14%. How many good jokes can you come up with about tables being unnecessary? If at least one - that would be 1 more than the author. Poorly picked topics and poor attempts at humor, which look more like trying to come up with "logical" reasons to hate things nobody cares about hating.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews