Sức mạnh của sự khích lệ

by Ken Blanchard

Điều gì khiến ta quan tâm nhiều nhất trong cuộc sống, công việc và những mối quan hệ với người khác? Chúng ta luôn mong muốn có được những kết quả tốt nhất, thế nhưng, chúng ta lại thường có thói quen chỉ chú ý đến những khuyết điểm hơn là ưu điểm và mặt tích cực. Và chúng ta cũng có khuynh hướng chỉ trích, phê bình hơn là động viên, khích lệ. Nếu thế, những mối quan hệ của chúng ta sẽ như thế nào? Chắc chắn sẽ trở nên xấu đi! Trong những lúc chúng ta phải đối mặt với thất bại, lo lắng, bế tắc trong công việc, cuộc sống thì chính sự khích lệ, cảm thông sẽ là nguồn động viên lớn lao tiếp thêm nhiệt tình để chúng ta vượt qua những khó khăn mà tiếp tục theo đuổi mục tiêu. Tiến sĩ Ken Blanchard đã rút ra được kinh nghiệm quí báu đó khi làm việc với những người huấn luyện cá voi ở Công viên Thế giới Đại dương (Orlando, Florida) để rồi chia sẻ với bạn đọc trong cuốn sách nổi tiếng đầy cảm hứng và thú vị: Whale done!- Sức mạnh của sự khích lệ.

Trong tác phẩm Whale done! - Sức mạnh của sự khích lệ, Ken Blanchard đã đưa ra phương pháp khích lệ những mặt tích cực để định hướng những hành vi chưa tốt của người khác. Để tăng hiệu quả công việc cũng như cải thiện các mối quan hệ, thay vì tạo ra những tình huống tiêu cực làm tinh thần người khác suy giảm, ông đã phát hiện ra phương pháp khích lệ, động viên con người phát huy khả năng, ý chí và sự tích cực trong ngôn từ, thái độ, hành vi. Bằng những nghiên cứu, trải nghiệm và quá trình thâm nhập thực tế trong suốt mười năm, tác giả đã đúc kết nên những kinh nghiệm quý báu và hữu ích: “Nếu ta mở lòng với mọi người bằng một thái độ sống tích cực thì ta sẽ nhận lại được những kết quả tích cực”, “Hãy nghĩ và đối xử với người khác theo cách mình muốn họ trở thành”

Hãy luôn nhớ rằng, cách nhìn và thái độ đối xử tích cực của bạn với một người sẽ có tác dụng thay đổi người đó theo hướng tích cực, như bạn mong muốn. Chúc các bạn tìm thấy nhiều điều thú vị cho mình trong tập sách này.

Genres: Business, Leadership, Nonfiction, Self Help, Management, Relationships, Professional Development

183 pages, Unknown Binding

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

For business & leadership, see Kenneth H. Blanchard

Reviews

[Alisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good principles, hokey story.

[Omid Milanifard · Rating 3 out of 5]

ایده اصلی مدیریت بر مبنای تشویق است. با اینکه اشاره ای به نظریه شرطی سازی اسکینر نشده به نظر من به نوعی ارتقا همون نظریه است و باز هم مشابهت انسان و حیوان فرض شده، اینبار به صورت مشخص با نهنگها. علاوه بر محیط کار در محیطهای اجتماعی و شخصی هم ایده های مطرح شده قابل آزمون هستند.

[Gina Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book because all the managers at work had to read it. It looked like an easy read and, hey, I like killer whales :)

The book started off like most "power of positive persuasion" books, but as I read on, this one became a little different for me. While it definitely had good ideas for the workplace, half the work was about using positive methods to better your marriage and relationship with your children. I really enjoyed the book.....now if only I can get my husband to read it!

[kat · Rating 1 out of 5]

Someone CLEARLY hasn't seen Blackfish.

[Ehsan · Rating 4 out of 5]

یه کتاب موثر در مورد دید مثبت که بیشتر به صورت مدیریتی بیان شده...از روش آموزش نهنگ ها برای برقراری با آدم های مختلف استفاده کرده

[Kirk Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

To start off, SeaWorld has always inspired me. They have taught me to conserve, to care, and to love animals, but I never thought it could teach me how to improve my relationships. This book was recommended to me by “AskSeaWorld.com” and when I saw how accomplished Ken Blanchard is, I was heartilly excited for this book. It was absolutely fantastic. This book was not only informative, but fun to read. The book well describes the SeaWorld training process while also showing how we can turn our negative interactions into positive reinforcement and redirection. Ken shows the amazing resemblance between human and killer whale relationships, and the more one emulates how the trainers behave, the better and stronger relationships one has. Overall, Ken Blanchard’s Whale Done: The Power of Positive Relationships is a phenomenal read earning all 5 stars.
The book Whale Done was far from cliché and gave a new approach toward managing one’s relationships. “We accentuate the positive, not the negative. We pay a lot of attention when the animal does what we ask him to do and performs the task correctly…[And if the animal does not perform correctly] We ignore what he did wrong and immediately redirect his behavior elsewhere”(10). If we pay attention to the correct behavior and redirect the bad one people and animals will start to perform the way we would like them to. Instead of giving the usual advice on how to deal with the status quo or show you how to manage your own frustrations the author shows you a new and unique approach to foster a good relationship. It really made me rethink on how I react and deal with people and realize how I had been going about it was dead wrong. He uncovers a widely used technique on animals and relates it to humans in an easy to understand way. He shows how both humans and killer whales can be similar with simple comparisons such as when Dave says, “With a killer whale that behavior might be jumping into the air, giving a trainer a ride around the pool, splashing the audience with his tail or taking a bow. With people at work, it might be talking effectively with customers, achieving a sales quota, or getting a report on time. With kids, it might be cleaning their room or doing homework” (27). This comparison and new approach towards dealing with humans shows a new perspective on how people react and how we can strengthen and repair our relationships just by changing what we pay attention to. Humans and Killer Whales may look different, but we act and react profoundly the same. Ken puts changing your relationship in a new way and shows how little changes to how you react can keep you from ever having an altercation.
I feel the author gave a lot of credit to the reader and one’s struggles and put that into consideration when writing the book. “‘If one of my people screws up,’ Wes interrupted,His voice educated, ‘ I can't afford to just look the other way. If one of my kids doesn't do her homework, or pics on her sister, my wife and I are certainly not going to ignore it” (10-11). The author does not give utopian-style responses to his methods and I like that. He shows the characters blunt responses and then shows how his method accommodates for many problems and doubts. Dave answers these doubts when he explains, “‘An important concept to remember is that the more attention you pay to a behavior, the more it will be repeated’”(11). He tries to show that when we jump all over people for doing things wrong we set up the problem to be repeated. This was an eye-opener for me. I do this too often. But I was still confused. Dave continued,“‘It's all about energy management. It begins with controlling our own attention a simple but very powerful rule to remember is, if you don't want to encourage poor behavior, don't spend a lot of time on it. Instead we reach channel the energy’”(14). This has helped me create better relationships with my siblings and friends and made me rethink how I approach others when they make an unfavorable choice. If I want to have a better response from someone I’m working with I have to encourage them when they do things right and give them tasks that correlate with their strengths. The author gave a real-world response that will work for everyone, not just the few people in the novel.
The additional characters were well developed and added to the overall message of the novel. “In the afternoon he put it [the Whale Done approach] to use with Meredith Smalley, the leader of one of his accounting teams. Wes and Meredith had been avoiding each other for nearly a year, ever since she thought that Wes had implied in a meeting that her group was responsible for a missed deadline. Their strained relationship had worsened when Wes, who played on the softball team that Meredith captained at the company picnic, had hit into a double play to lose an important game. Neither incident had sat well with Meredith who was a sports enthusiast and very competitive...Wes stopped her. ‘Excuse me, Meredith. I need a moment of your time.’ Glancing at her watch, Meredith murmured, ‘A moment is about what I've got.’ Wes deliberately didn't hurry. His voice was relaxed and friendly as he said, ‘I'm very impressed by the way you have been dealing with our suppliers.’... Meredith’s face broke into a smile she couldn't hide it was plainly not used to receiving compliments, but there is no denying Wes’s facts or his sincerity” (69-70). By well developing Meredith’s character with a detailed backstory I could more clearly see the effectiveness of the Whale Done approach. This helped me trust this method and showed me how it can work with adversaries and not just close friends. I could see how there was clear tension between Wes and Meredith and how that tension was dramatically eased when Wes positively reinforced Meredith’s accomplishments with their suppliers. This also showed me how the Whale Done approach can work with acquaintances and not just well-known friends and family. The author’s method was more solid and trustworthy with well developed and described characters to clearly demonstrate the Whale Done process.
If you are interested in the animal training process, or are just having some relationship troubles, this book is for you! Both the animal-lover and not can see the effectiveness of this process and see the author's points from many different viewpoints. For someone who loves Killer Whales and everything animal training this book both educated and entertained me. Wes thinks at the beginning of the book, “You’d think that after doing a whole show that whale would hoard its free time. But what does it want to do? Play with the trainer.” The author must have been paying close attention to the responses of the whales to ensure this process’s effectiveness. The fact that I do not like to read that much and yet quickly finished this book proves the author’s effectiveness. This book is totally worth a try!

[Lindsay Dasin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let me save you the read: if you celebrate people’s progress rather than only acknowledging their failures, they’ll be happier and want to work harder. This applies to children, partners and colleagues.

The message of the book is not the reason for the 1 star review. I’m on board with instilling a culture of recognition at work and at home. My issue is that (1) the premise of the book is based on the training of killer whales which has not stood the test of time from when this was published in 2002 and (2) the book is 75% fluff, 25% applicable content.

[Peivand · Rating 4 out of 5]

شیوه مدیریتی که توضیح میده اغلب (نه همیشه) جواب میده
خوبیش اینه که امتحانش بی ضرره و تمرکز روی نقاط مثبت افراد کار حال خوب کنی هم هست
درکل کتابهاییکه دستورالعمل زندگی میدن مثل یه دایره المعارف نیستن که بشه همه جا به کارشون برد ، باید از جمع نکات ریز تک تکشون یه خط فکری ساخت که کمک کنه مثل ابلهان رفتار نکنیم !

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this for the Women's SIG Online Book Club (the American Association of Colleges of Pharmacy). They like to select short books, since the members are busy. I was skeptical from the start because I have a bias against fictional short stories where the author uses the characters to introduce "principles" that they've discovered to be true in their personal experience. I prefer a more evidence based approach.

There's nothing wrong with the advice given, really. Accentuate the positive. Praise progress toward goals. Don't hover watching for errors and then harp on them. Most of what the author advocates reads as common sense, although it may not be common practice.

My issue is more with the storytelling. I think stories have incredible potential to teach. However, I prefer for them to be authentic, not fabricated. In this case, I found the characters to be under-developed. We know relatively little about Wes, his co-workers and his family. I won't remember any of them a week from now. Stories with strong characters are more memorable.

In addition, the situations were thin on details. Joy doesn't like it when Wes comes home late. A few of Wes' colleagues go behind his back to his boss. Wes and his boss are at odds about how to recognize performance. That's about the level of detail we're given.

Finally, the situations are difficult to believe. Almost everything goes right for Wes. His problems almost seem to disappear. Thank goodness to this technique, of course!

Again, this book just isn't my style. But, others may enjoy this kind of approach. The book certainly is easy to read and reinforces some important points.

[Hung Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book on the power of positive relationship. It's just short and concise. We can apply the philosophy and take it into practice with not only in the workplace but in our daily life, our beloved family.

[Clarence · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a good book, short read
I feel i should go through it slowly. Its principles are actionable and have already started to impliment them with my colleagues at work. “Focus onthe positives” a principle i have adopted and have shared it. I apologized to my colleagues for overlooking the good they have been doing, i have put myself onthe spot that i should focus on growth of the whole team

[Nguyen Huu Anh Vu · Rating 4 out of 5]

It tells a story of a manager, who manages to get his life balance back by applying Encouragement, Positive feedback in his daily conversation.
The book promotes positive atmosphere, with happy ending. It provides a few examples on how to apply the technique. I would love to see the author expand on how the manager works with 2 uncooperative employees.

Overall, it's an easy read.

[Jan · Rating 2 out of 5]

(2.5)

[Seve Cedeno · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Light, but evidenced-based advice on how to focus on and accentuate the positives in others. Applicable in professional and personal relationships.

[Hanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Some bs I had to read for class

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

tl;dr: this book is the first self-help book where I've actually made use of the learnings myself and it is kinda nice and also a bit happy-clappy but I'll probs get better at finding more genuine ways to express a Whale Done. B+ for message of book C- for the actual writing

Build trust
Accentuate the positive
When mistakes occur, redirect the energy
^ all about treating people nicely and not focusing attention on bad behaviour as this increases likelihood of it occurring again and is bad energy

Alright so far but after 1 chapter I'm distracted and want to watch blackfish for the first time
Which I did and that was a good doco to get me scared of whales (theyre so big!!) and the hubris of humans

Chapter two was scored by “8 Hours of Whale Sounds Deep Underwater for Sleep and Relaxation” which really enhanced the reading experience.

I laugh at the fact that the book’s messages are announced through the character of Anne Marie Butler, who like the main character learnt about positive reinforcement by attending a SeaWorld whale show, but unlike the main character is “an attractive, middle-aged, blond [sic] woman.”

This section taught me the ABC’s of Performance Management:
A = Activator, whatever gets the performance going
B = Behaviour, the performance that occurs
C = Consequence, your response to the behaviour

These Consequences are:
1. No response
2. Negative response
3. Positive response (no need to wait for exactly right behaviour before praising)
4. Redirection
where the first two are most common but also least effective

To redirect:
1. Describe the error or problem as soon as possible, clearly and without blame
2. Show its negative impact
3. If appropriate, take the blame for not making the task clear
4. Go over the task in detail and make sure it is clearly understood
5. Express your continuing trust and confidence in the person

Following on from point 3 of Consequences, praise progress, as it’s a moving target. Set them up for success and build to higher goals.

The analogies of the GOTcha response, or the leave-alone-zap strategy, being like seagulls who swoop in when someone does something wrong and make a lot of noise and poop on you, is on point.

The WHALE Done response:
1. Praise people immediately
2. Be specific about what they did right or almost right
3. Share your positive feelings about what they did
4. Encourage them to keep up the good work

Need to get into the habit, at work and in my home life, to give positive reinforcement and say something nice when things are going well

Negative responses are to be used as a last resort when people are having an attitude problem and know the right behaviour but are choosing not to do it. Express disappointment but acknowledge that you know the person can improve their behaviour

The only people who don’t need motivation from others are entrepreneurs – owners of their own business or individual contributors working for themselves; they are self-motivated and their personal goals align with business goals
Everyone else is asked to do things the organisation needs them to do but they might not want to do so its important these things are aligned with what motivates the person

You don’t want people to become dependent on your noticing and commenting. Good management is influencing people to do the right thing when you’re not around, making them enjoy doing the right thing
^ you want people to start catching themselves doing the right thing
Example:
“After giving lots of WHALE DONEs, you start to make comments like ‘I’ll bet it felt good when you finished that project before the deadline’ or ‘You must be proud of what you did on that report.’ Or, when you know that they must be feeling good about their performance you can say, ‘Tell me how that feels,’ or, ‘What’s it like, to have done such a good job?’ Then really listen to them and reinforce their pride and feeling of accomplishment.”
^ WHALE DONEs are a lead-up to the ultimate goal of people catching themselves doing things right

“be positive with people and you will get positive results.”
Organisations that implement this find it positively affects their bottom line – since other companies can’t steal the relationship managers have with their workers, and workers and their customers (whereas IP is stolen)

what motivates different people is different. “A WHALE DONE Response is a good start, but after a while it may ring hollow. Knowing the particular things that motivate and compel each person helps you add power to their motivation.”
^ don’t assume you know what motivates someone – ask them
Short-term motivation: daily
Long-term motivation: longer performance period eg quarterly, yearly
They might want more responsibility, more pay etc
WHALE DONE only works when you’re sincere and honest otherwise it can come across as disingenuous or manipulative

“this whole trip is so lame” says the 14-year old daughter in the book – I’m a bit slow, I know, but I just made the connection that I dislike these books so much because the tell-not show style makes it feel like I’m reading high school creative writing

Status update: the whale trainer that was the main character’s coach has become a relationship counsellor for him and his wife. Geez this book is something else …
Yikes idk how I feel about the wife being in the wrong for being mad that her husband comes home late from work and does 1% of the child rearing – apparently she’s doing poorly because she is GOTcha’ing main character as soon as he gets home because he’s late …

redirect people when theyre doing something wrong and them hit them with a WHALE DONE when they do right on the redirection

it is nice however that this book is highlighting on the home life positive improvements that can come out of it. This isn’t fun to read but I am realising the benefit in self-help books
“if you catch yourself doing things right, everything in your life will improve – especially your relationships. That’s because it’s fun to be around someone who likes [them]self”

“If you don’t hire people on a performance review curve, why grade them on one?”
^ this traditional performance review style promotes internal competition which is not conducive to teamwork and cooperation

Questions for Adam:

- Do you think Nestle performance reviews on a curve and thus is not effective in the eyes of WHALE DONE philosophy?
- Make the comment that our recognition portion of Snacks DOR has been empty since I’ve come to WAH

[Viet Hung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Positive relationship is the key to open and turn all of the difficult situations. Why? In a nutshell, it is human being and only human being to build and develop or destroy this world. This short book inspires and reminds this through the experience with how to train a whale, the "monster" of the sea. The principle is exactly the same to build positive relationship with all people around you, including your co-workers, your friends, your parents, your kids, your relatives. Once you can do that it'll definitely advance your life to the next level.

[Melissa Sonntag · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! It has inspired me and helped me realize how much power I have to affect those around me. I am currently reading the Parenting version and I am beginning to implement these things with my family. I think one of the biggest things I am learning is the importance of setting up success! People may never meet our expectations if they are not clear on what those expectations are. Finding positive things to praise is not always easy, but makes all of us much happier and more motivated to do well. I would highly recommend Whale Done!

[Kelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

My boss wants me to give a little blurb on this book for our next staff meeting. It's a super quick read on how to improve relationships at work, in marriage and with children.

I honestly liked reading it. I thought I'd worn out from reading marketing/business strategy books, but this one renewed my desire to keep focusing on rewarding progress rather than using and practicing negative attention; this of course comes easier to most of us.

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up because I had previously read "Raving Fans" and found it cheesy, but valuable. I feel similarly about this book. It's short and an easy read. It's cheesy. And it has some really good basic concepts and tools that can be put into use to make a difference in your communication and effectiveness.

[Homeira Mohammadi · Rating 2 out of 5]

میخواست یک مورد رو بیان کنه که چه در محیط کار ، چه خانواده در تعامل با افراد بجای دیدن نکات منفی نکات مثبت رو بیشتر دید و بهشون اهمیت داد. چون این نکات منفی بیشتر به چشم میان تا موارد مثبت. پس بهتره به مثبتها بیشتراهمیت داد تا در ایجاد روابط کاری و خانوادگی با مشکلات کمتری مواجه بشیم و این روابط رو ببهبود ببخشیم.

[Hòa Phạm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chỉ 1 lời khích lệ, một lời khen hay 1 lời động viên quan tâm của bạn đến với những người khác hay cấp dưới, nhân viên của bạn cũng đủ làm hàn gắn và gia tăng mối quan hệ thân thiết giữa bạn và họ.
Hãy khích lệ và khen ngợi nhiều hơn.

[John Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book totally changed my perspective of relationships. AWESOME book!!

[Moein Esmaeeli · Rating 3 out of 5]

نگاه مثبت خیلی جاها شنیده بودم، اما نکته جالب این کتاب تاکید بر نگاه مثبت و صداقت بود.

[Whitney Redfern · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great principles, a little repetitive, and the storyline was a somewhat cheesy. But definitely worth the read!

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t finish. I can’t. I feel like it will be one of those books that could have been a blog post.

[Amanda Hines · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a quick read about highlighting the positives in the workplaces rather than dwelling on the mistakes and negatives that so often inhabit work environments.

[Casie O'Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really made me think of how to apply this with my team to be successful without leading with an iron fist.

[Adriyana Grotseva · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting principles but the stories are a bit meh and too much of fairytale-happyending-everything-is-perfect-story. I am not convinced the theory works so perfectly for everything. The main principles are to look for positive behaviour and acknowledge/ appreciate it, and redirect the energy/ attention to something else, so you can catch them doing something right. The main insights for me from the book are:

Getting angry at bad behaviour is not the way to build trusting environment. The more you pay attention at bad behaviour the more it will be repeated. People learned from whales to give lots of attention at what the whales do right and they do it more. Don’t ignore undesirable behaviour but redirect it. It is about energy management. Begins with controlling our attention - if you don’t want to encourage poor behaviour, don’t spend a lot of time on it. Instead rechannel the energy. You can give another chance to the animal to do it right. Or you can direct their attention to something they like to do and see if they do something right and reward it.
The ABC of performance management: Activator (whatever gets performance going, something that stimulates the behaviour or performance that you want, eg goals but those need to be aligned - people need to know what is expected by them or what good performance looks like), Behaviour (the performance that occurs - you have to observe the behaviour after the activation so you can get to C), Consequence (your response to the performance). 4 responses one can make as a consequence: no response, negative response, redirection (redirect the energy/ attention to something else, so you can catch them doing something right, or back to what they are supposed to do), positive response. The intention of redirection is to set up a positive response but don’t wait for exactly right behaviour, otherwise you might wait forever. Praise progress is a moving target. Constantly notice and acknowledge progress (doing something better - not perfect) and praise/ reward it.
You want people to start catching themselves doing things right and act accordingly. After giving lots of whale dones, you start making comments like “I bet it felt good when you finished that project before the deadline” or “you must be proud of what you did on that report” or when you know they feel good about their performance ask them “tell me how does it feel” or “what it is like to have done such a good job” and reinforce their pride and feeling of accomplishment. You should ask people what would motivate them in short and long run (monthly, quarterly, yearly) (eg responsibility, raise, etc.) instead of assuming it.

[Tatyana Grinenko · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s short and to the point. The basic idea is to focus on noticing the good behaviours in others and acknowledging them (and thereby people around you will do more of them) and not giving as much attention to the bad behaviours.

The idea is very simple, but it makes sense. You wouldn’t scold a baby for not being able to walk. But you would praise them for taking a single step.

And you shouldn’t give attention to a tantrum making child, because that would encourage them to further act this way to get more attention.

Same ideas can be applied in management and interpersonal relationships.

The sole reason I’m giving the book a 4 is because the whole basis of the book is on how Seaworld utilised positive behaviour in training their orcas and how the same techniques could and should be used in interpersonal relationships and management. Well, this book was published before the Seaworld scandal came out and how trainers I abused orcas.

So overall, I like the book and it has a great concept. It’s just the basis that it’s built off of was quite unfortunate.