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Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy
“So many couples struggle in their sexual lives because they divide sex and love … Nancy Houston has written an excellent, practical, and very hopeful book on how to reintegrate the division.”— Dr. John Townsend , New York Times bestselling author of Boundaries
“Without question, one of the greatest communicators of our generation on Christian sex and intimacy is Nancy Houston .”— Amy Ford , president of Embrace Grace and author of A Bump in Life
Sex is powerful!
Just saying the word “sex” can stir up all kinds of emotions. Maybe it’s a positive emotion for you—or possibly a hurtful, shameful, confusing one. It’s no wonder we struggle to understand its meaning and purpose. It can be difficult to talk about, and if we have experienced unwanted shame or grew up in a home where sex was taboo, addressing the topic can be even more difficult.
In a world of sexual chaos and confusion, we all need a healthy dialogue on the topic—not a black-or-white, right-or-wrong lecture, but a safe forum for discovering, learning, processing, and growing into passionate intimacy within the freedom God provides.
In Love & Sex , Nancy Houston provides a compassionate view of human sexuality. Through the lens of Scripture, she unpacks the good God intended when He created humans as sexual creatures, while recognizing that many people haven’t experienced sex in a positive way.
You won’t find a critical examination of dos and don’ts, but stories of redemption, grace, and hope.
You will understand how you were shaped and that you are more than your sexual behaviors.
For some people, sex is a regular part of life. For others, it’s a huge deal. Maybe even too big of a deal. This book will be your roadmap to finding sexual health, happiness, and balance. And if you are one of the few unscathed by sexual shame or confusion, this book will help you develop a more compassionate lens for those who do struggle.
“Without question, one of the greatest communicators of our generation on Christian sex and intimacy is Nancy Houston .”— Amy Ford , president of Embrace Grace and author of A Bump in Life
Sex is powerful!
Just saying the word “sex” can stir up all kinds of emotions. Maybe it’s a positive emotion for you—or possibly a hurtful, shameful, confusing one. It’s no wonder we struggle to understand its meaning and purpose. It can be difficult to talk about, and if we have experienced unwanted shame or grew up in a home where sex was taboo, addressing the topic can be even more difficult.
In a world of sexual chaos and confusion, we all need a healthy dialogue on the topic—not a black-or-white, right-or-wrong lecture, but a safe forum for discovering, learning, processing, and growing into passionate intimacy within the freedom God provides.
In Love & Sex , Nancy Houston provides a compassionate view of human sexuality. Through the lens of Scripture, she unpacks the good God intended when He created humans as sexual creatures, while recognizing that many people haven’t experienced sex in a positive way.
You won’t find a critical examination of dos and don’ts, but stories of redemption, grace, and hope.
You will understand how you were shaped and that you are more than your sexual behaviors.
For some people, sex is a regular part of life. For others, it’s a huge deal. Maybe even too big of a deal. This book will be your roadmap to finding sexual health, happiness, and balance. And if you are one of the few unscathed by sexual shame or confusion, this book will help you develop a more compassionate lens for those who do struggle.
234 pages, Hardcover
Published February 5, 2018
31 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
August 30, 2018
I hate to give this book a bad review, but it just wasn't for me. It was highly recommended on a podcast I listen to so I was excited for it. I was expecting a book describing what a healthy, intimate lifestyle looks like in a marriage according to Scripture along with suggestions for how to achieve it. In reality, this was only about 10% of the book. The rest of the book was a novel-form description of several people's unhealthy sexual lives and the background trauma that led them to their current lifestyles. I was fine with a bit of this, because I think it's important to know and understand, but it was literally 90% of the book. If the book description had let me know that this is what I would be reading, I would have been fine with it. But I felt misled.
I did not like the novel format, because the conversations felt choppy and forced and awkward. I felt like the book assumed that all forms of addiction, low libido, or other sexual struggles are due to past sexual trauma, and I don't believe this is necessarily the case. It said that a spouse who doesn't feel like having sex shouldn't because their partner will know they're faking it, then right afterward said that if you don't feel like having sex but your spouse wants to, go ahead and do it because you'll get in the mood while it's happening. I believe the appropriate behavior in this scenario would actually depend on the specific marriage. There is no one answer that will apply to every marriage. There are just so many nuances affecting each struggle, and the book didn't even attempt to touch these.
I listened to the book on audiobook and finished it because I used one of my credits on it, but if I had been borrowing it from the library I would not have finished it.
I did not like the novel format, because the conversations felt choppy and forced and awkward. I felt like the book assumed that all forms of addiction, low libido, or other sexual struggles are due to past sexual trauma, and I don't believe this is necessarily the case. It said that a spouse who doesn't feel like having sex shouldn't because their partner will know they're faking it, then right afterward said that if you don't feel like having sex but your spouse wants to, go ahead and do it because you'll get in the mood while it's happening. I believe the appropriate behavior in this scenario would actually depend on the specific marriage. There is no one answer that will apply to every marriage. There are just so many nuances affecting each struggle, and the book didn't even attempt to touch these.
I listened to the book on audiobook and finished it because I used one of my credits on it, but if I had been borrowing it from the library I would not have finished it.
January 6, 2026
Rating 2.5 ⭐️
Nancy Houston's Love and Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy reads more like an imaginative case-study and less like a formal guidebook/workbook, which is more of what I expected. I don't innately think this is bad, however, I think the narrative element is a bit disengaging. I understand the purpose is to help the reader connect to the concepts and ideas without having to pull on abstract concrete. That said, Christian or not, married or not, I do think there are some interesting points to consider and take from Houston's text.
Be warned that the narratives of these characters, and even Houston's own personal sharing, include stories of abuse, abandonment/attachment issues, grooming, and sexual assault/rape. Please keep that in mind when considering whether or not to read and engage with this text.
The intent of this book is to unlock sex, and sexuality, for couples in a way that aligns with God's design. That's Houston's assertion. Sex, erotic sex, was designed by God and thus meant to be enjoyed by the creations of God. Sin and as a byproduct, shame, have drastically altered our understanding of said design. It's an interesting and challenging concept to grapple with especially since I feel like I never hear much in religious settings about how sex for married folks should work or be fashioned.
Overall, I found Houston's text to be intellectually challenging on certain topics, in the sense that I feel we have difference in ideology and possibly even theology. Largely centered on the 'sexual confusion' of queer identities/sexualities and the root causes of sexual addictions/afflicitons. Also some of the premises around how partners should navigate sex in periods in which they may not be in a space to partake.
That said, this book could be an interesting or challenging read to help with exploring and examining one's sexual life and routine with their partner, if perhaps there are blocks or challenges to getting it on, the godly way.
Nancy Houston's Love and Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy reads more like an imaginative case-study and less like a formal guidebook/workbook, which is more of what I expected. I don't innately think this is bad, however, I think the narrative element is a bit disengaging. I understand the purpose is to help the reader connect to the concepts and ideas without having to pull on abstract concrete. That said, Christian or not, married or not, I do think there are some interesting points to consider and take from Houston's text.
Be warned that the narratives of these characters, and even Houston's own personal sharing, include stories of abuse, abandonment/attachment issues, grooming, and sexual assault/rape. Please keep that in mind when considering whether or not to read and engage with this text.
The intent of this book is to unlock sex, and sexuality, for couples in a way that aligns with God's design. That's Houston's assertion. Sex, erotic sex, was designed by God and thus meant to be enjoyed by the creations of God. Sin and as a byproduct, shame, have drastically altered our understanding of said design. It's an interesting and challenging concept to grapple with especially since I feel like I never hear much in religious settings about how sex for married folks should work or be fashioned.
Overall, I found Houston's text to be intellectually challenging on certain topics, in the sense that I feel we have difference in ideology and possibly even theology. Largely centered on the 'sexual confusion' of queer identities/sexualities and the root causes of sexual addictions/afflicitons. Also some of the premises around how partners should navigate sex in periods in which they may not be in a space to partake.
That said, this book could be an interesting or challenging read to help with exploring and examining one's sexual life and routine with their partner, if perhaps there are blocks or challenges to getting it on, the godly way.
February 23, 2018
I really appreciated Nancy Houston’s LOVE AND SEX! I picked it up thinking it would be similar to SHEET MUSIC by Kevin Leman and INTIMATE ISSUES by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus---two truly fantastic books about good married sex that I regularly recommend to my clients---but LOVE AND SEX is a stand-alone! In it, Nancy, a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, explores the variety of reasons couples may not be experiencing their own versions of good married sex, and she does so with an understanding and compassion that utterly banishes shame and invites us into the glorious light of redemption. I’ll definitely be adding this book to my recommended reading list!
May 22, 2022
Excellent book for understanding the effects of sexual trauma & healing
I learned a lot, I pondered the questions, and I had emotional responses along with characters. I love books that cover heavy & weighty topics using stories/parables and which allow the reader to relate with the characters instead of only giving facts and stating research to teach principles and pass on knowledge.
I learned a lot, I pondered the questions, and I had emotional responses along with characters. I love books that cover heavy & weighty topics using stories/parables and which allow the reader to relate with the characters instead of only giving facts and stating research to teach principles and pass on knowledge.
February 2, 2019
A really hard look at sexual trauma through the stories of a group of individuals seeking therapy, what God intends for sex to be like, and how to get there if you've had trauma in your life. Some of the stories might be triggering for some, but the message of the book is very powerful and offers great insight into God's mercy and healing for those that need it.
June 18, 2018
Really great information, presented in a way that is super easy to comprehend and retain. Though the stories can tend to be slightly cheesy. I feel it’s worth looking past the cliches to gain the knowledge and growth Nancy has to share.
July 30, 2018
This is a great read for those who have dealt with sexual abuse, infidelity or pornography in and outside of marriage. But it’s 80% of the book! For others the last chapter is the best entitled Passion... that’s about it.
May 23, 2018
Nancy does an amazing job tackling what can often be a sticky topic. She unpacks difficult issues with grace, hope and dignity. ❤️
January 14, 2026
About the Author:
Nancy Houston is a Christian author and speaker who has spent years addressing the intersections of spirituality, emotional health, and human relationships. With a pastoral and counseling-oriented voice, Houston writes especially to believers who desire healing, wholeness, and a more honest integration of faith and everyday life. Her work often tackles subjects that many Christians feel but rarely talk about openly—making her a trusted guide through difficult, sensitive conversations.
Overview of the Book:
Love and Sex approaches intimacy in marriage not as a technique to be mastered, but as a deeply spiritual issue tied to the condition of the human heart. Rather than offering a clinical or instructional manual, Houston invites readers into a story-shaped exploration of sexuality, brokenness, healing, and redemption.
The book unfolds through parallel conversations. On one side, male characters engage in honest dialogue with spiritual mentors about their confusion, wounds, shame, and misunderstandings surrounding sex. On the other side, a group of women process their own experiences, expectations, disappointments, and hopes. These two storylines eventually converge at a retreat or conference focused on healing—where sexuality and spirituality are finally brought together in the open.
Houston addresses realities many couples carry quietly: past sexual sin, betrayal, pornography, abuse, unmet expectations, and the deep emotional residue these experiences leave behind. The book consistently emphasizes that sexual intimacy cannot be separated from emotional and spiritual health.
Our Thoughts on the Book
My wife and I make it a priority each year to read marriage books together. Occasionally, that means choosing a book that speaks directly to the intimate side of marriage. When we came across Love and Sex by Nancy Houston, we felt it would be a meaningful read—and it was.
One of our biggest takeaways was the author’s insight that most of us never received clear, healthy communication about sex—especially from a spiritual perspective. For many, the topic was treated as taboo. Conversations didn’t happen in our homes, churches, or faith communities. As a result, much of what we learned about intimacy came from secular sources: television, culture, or even more distorted and harmful influences.
That means many people enter marriage with a deeply flawed framework—one driven by flesh, appetite, and the brokenness of others rather than God’s design. Houston courageously steps into that gap, offering language and perspective for understanding sexuality as something spiritual, relational, and redemptive.
We also appreciated how honestly the book acknowledges past brokenness. Some wounds come from sins committed against us; others from sins we have committed ourselves. Love and Sex doesn’t shy away from either reality. Instead, it invites readers to face them with truth, grace, and hope for healing.
Several passages stood out to us:
“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts. If our hearts are closed down and shut off, that impacts how open we are to sharing our bodies with the one we choose to marry.” (p. 18)
Later, Houston highlights the complexity of marital brokenness:
“Your husband may be a wonderful provider, care deeply for his children, love you and love God, and still have a porn addiction and have betrayed you in some way. This is possible because most people cut off the shameful parts of themselves and tuck them away in a hidden compartment.” (p. 98)
And one of the most memorable illustrations involves boundaries:
“Imagine you have a neighbor who never water his lawn. Whenever you turn on your sprinkler system, your water only falls on his lawn. Your grass is turning brown and dying, but your neighbors grass looks great. If you would define the property line a little better, if you would fix the sprinkler system so the water fell on your line, and if you didn’t water his lawn, he would have to live with the dirt. He might not like that after a while. As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his where they belong..” (p. 108)
By the end of the book, the core theme becomes unmistakably clear—and deeply challenging:
“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts.” (pp. 211–212)
Overall, Love and Sex is an honest, pastoral, and necessary conversation for couples who want to understand intimacy not just physically, but spiritually. We found it thoughtful, convicting, and hopeful—and a valuable addition to our ongoing journey of strengthening our marriage.
Nancy Houston is a Christian author and speaker who has spent years addressing the intersections of spirituality, emotional health, and human relationships. With a pastoral and counseling-oriented voice, Houston writes especially to believers who desire healing, wholeness, and a more honest integration of faith and everyday life. Her work often tackles subjects that many Christians feel but rarely talk about openly—making her a trusted guide through difficult, sensitive conversations.
Overview of the Book:
Love and Sex approaches intimacy in marriage not as a technique to be mastered, but as a deeply spiritual issue tied to the condition of the human heart. Rather than offering a clinical or instructional manual, Houston invites readers into a story-shaped exploration of sexuality, brokenness, healing, and redemption.
The book unfolds through parallel conversations. On one side, male characters engage in honest dialogue with spiritual mentors about their confusion, wounds, shame, and misunderstandings surrounding sex. On the other side, a group of women process their own experiences, expectations, disappointments, and hopes. These two storylines eventually converge at a retreat or conference focused on healing—where sexuality and spirituality are finally brought together in the open.
Houston addresses realities many couples carry quietly: past sexual sin, betrayal, pornography, abuse, unmet expectations, and the deep emotional residue these experiences leave behind. The book consistently emphasizes that sexual intimacy cannot be separated from emotional and spiritual health.
Our Thoughts on the Book
My wife and I make it a priority each year to read marriage books together. Occasionally, that means choosing a book that speaks directly to the intimate side of marriage. When we came across Love and Sex by Nancy Houston, we felt it would be a meaningful read—and it was.
One of our biggest takeaways was the author’s insight that most of us never received clear, healthy communication about sex—especially from a spiritual perspective. For many, the topic was treated as taboo. Conversations didn’t happen in our homes, churches, or faith communities. As a result, much of what we learned about intimacy came from secular sources: television, culture, or even more distorted and harmful influences.
That means many people enter marriage with a deeply flawed framework—one driven by flesh, appetite, and the brokenness of others rather than God’s design. Houston courageously steps into that gap, offering language and perspective for understanding sexuality as something spiritual, relational, and redemptive.
We also appreciated how honestly the book acknowledges past brokenness. Some wounds come from sins committed against us; others from sins we have committed ourselves. Love and Sex doesn’t shy away from either reality. Instead, it invites readers to face them with truth, grace, and hope for healing.
Several passages stood out to us:
“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts. If our hearts are closed down and shut off, that impacts how open we are to sharing our bodies with the one we choose to marry.” (p. 18)
Later, Houston highlights the complexity of marital brokenness:
“Your husband may be a wonderful provider, care deeply for his children, love you and love God, and still have a porn addiction and have betrayed you in some way. This is possible because most people cut off the shameful parts of themselves and tuck them away in a hidden compartment.” (p. 98)
And one of the most memorable illustrations involves boundaries:
“Imagine you have a neighbor who never water his lawn. Whenever you turn on your sprinkler system, your water only falls on his lawn. Your grass is turning brown and dying, but your neighbors grass looks great. If you would define the property line a little better, if you would fix the sprinkler system so the water fell on your line, and if you didn’t water his lawn, he would have to live with the dirt. He might not like that after a while. As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his where they belong..” (p. 108)
By the end of the book, the core theme becomes unmistakably clear—and deeply challenging:
“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts.” (pp. 211–212)
Overall, Love and Sex is an honest, pastoral, and necessary conversation for couples who want to understand intimacy not just physically, but spiritually. We found it thoughtful, convicting, and hopeful—and a valuable addition to our ongoing journey of strengthening our marriage.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews