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Я забыл умереть
Я забыл умереть" - это история невероятных взлетов и ужасающих падений Халила Рафати. Сейчас он - миллионер, владелец преуспевающего бизнеса, роскошного дома на Калифорнийском побережье и обладатель частного самолета. Среди его друзей - голливудские знаменитости, да и сам Рафати - настоящая знаменитость, жизнь которой достойна экранизации. Глядя на этого цветущего 46-летнего мужчину, построившего свою империю здорового питания Sunlife Organic, невозможно поверить, что этот человек был законченным наркоманом, жил на улице и пережил целых девять передозировок. В свои 33 года он весил всего 49 килограммов и выглядел так, как будто болен всеми самыми страшными болезнями одновременно. "Я забыл умереть" - поразительная реальная история боли, страдания, зависимости и возрождения, биография человека, который одержал окончательную победу над своими демонами и переписал жизнь с чистого листа. "Его книга обладает даром исцеления, потому что раскрывает темы несбывшихся надежд детства, детских травм, примирения с собой, освобождения, дружбы и поисков смысла жизни", - считают те, кто уже познакомился с историей Халила.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published January 1, 2017
332 people are currently reading
4250 people want to read
About the author
Khalil Rafati
2 books61 followersKhalil Rafati is a high school dropout, convicted felon, and former heroin and crack addict.
Now he is a speaker, author, and health and wellness entrepreneur. He is the founder and owner of Malibu Beach Yoga and SunLife Organics, a rapidly growing chain of health food cafés with locations in California, Texas, and Arizona.
He also founded Riviera Recovery, a transitional living facility for drug addicts and alcoholics, is a board member of the Tashi Lhunpo Monastery, and through his incredible relationship with Khensur Rinpoche Lobzang Tsetan he is on the board of the Siddhartha School Project.
Now he is a speaker, author, and health and wellness entrepreneur. He is the founder and owner of Malibu Beach Yoga and SunLife Organics, a rapidly growing chain of health food cafés with locations in California, Texas, and Arizona.
He also founded Riviera Recovery, a transitional living facility for drug addicts and alcoholics, is a board member of the Tashi Lhunpo Monastery, and through his incredible relationship with Khensur Rinpoche Lobzang Tsetan he is on the board of the Siddhartha School Project.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 265 reviews
May 5, 2024
What a survivor! I’m especially impressed by how organized it was, it couldn’t have been easy to write it coherently considering how unstable the authors life was.
April 12, 2024
The book that was given to me by the editor of my first novel. I don't know what she meant by this, but I still love it when people give me books. It's auto-fiction written in an American motivational style. However, it's a story about a California junkie who spent several years on heroin, and turned his life around after his heart was restarted yet again in the emergency room. In short, Khalil hit rock bottom in various ways, including prison time, then realized how low he had fallen, took charge of his health, started working hard, and found a normal girlfriend. At the moment, he owns a network of juice bars with an annual income of $6 million, his own studios, travels on a private plane, and blah blah blah.
Regardless of what the author of this book intended to convey, I see the moral of this book as being that money is just as much a drug as heroin, and a true addict only slides, never jumping off.
It reads briskly, in one evening, purely out of idle curiosity.
Regardless of what the author of this book intended to convey, I see the moral of this book as being that money is just as much a drug as heroin, and a true addict only slides, never jumping off.
It reads briskly, in one evening, purely out of idle curiosity.
July 10, 2016
It's pretty darn amazing that Khalil did NOT die. He had more close calls than a cat with nine lives. Every time I thought that he'd reached rock bottom, he would find a new way to tempt the gods of fate. He spared us none of the seedy details. His mind and body kept rebelling, yet he'd invent new ways to torture them.
Throughout this book, I tried to figure out what enabled Kahlil to survive the demonic pull of his addictions and psychoses. My thoughts: He had exceptionally good luck. He also had a way of connecting with others. He reached out to people even at his worst and these people helped him in meaningful ways. They offered him their thoughts, their homes, their money, and amazing jobs. Although Khalil doesn't toot his own horn, he must be extremely charismatic. He could also think outside the box, creating jobs for himself when he couldn't play by others' rules. Celebrities paid him to wash their dogs, their cars. He brazenly approached the director of a Recovery Center and got an amazing job. He knew how to barter and cajole. He was persistent, resourceful and seemed to have this insatiable need to help others whenever he was able. Most die or relapse after such horrendous addictions. I, for one, am glad he lived to tell his inspiring story.
Robbie, one of his mentors, asked this tough but critical question, "Who would you be if you stopped telling the same sad fucking story over and over again of what happened to you? If you just dropped all of it, stopped talking about drugs all the time and what you did while you were on them. Stopped talking about all of the shit that happened to you when you were a kid. You're 37 years old now. No one's trying to hurt you. No one's coming after you. No one's going to hold you down and molest you. You haven't done drugs in three years. Stop fucking talking about them. Stop glamorizing them. Who would you be without your story? Who would you become?" Wow. A good reminder for all of us.
Khalil reminds us at the end, "My job is to work, be kind, and help people." This is what his success today is built upon. Congratulations! I hope you inspire many others to come into the light.
Throughout this book, I tried to figure out what enabled Kahlil to survive the demonic pull of his addictions and psychoses. My thoughts: He had exceptionally good luck. He also had a way of connecting with others. He reached out to people even at his worst and these people helped him in meaningful ways. They offered him their thoughts, their homes, their money, and amazing jobs. Although Khalil doesn't toot his own horn, he must be extremely charismatic. He could also think outside the box, creating jobs for himself when he couldn't play by others' rules. Celebrities paid him to wash their dogs, their cars. He brazenly approached the director of a Recovery Center and got an amazing job. He knew how to barter and cajole. He was persistent, resourceful and seemed to have this insatiable need to help others whenever he was able. Most die or relapse after such horrendous addictions. I, for one, am glad he lived to tell his inspiring story.
Robbie, one of his mentors, asked this tough but critical question, "Who would you be if you stopped telling the same sad fucking story over and over again of what happened to you? If you just dropped all of it, stopped talking about drugs all the time and what you did while you were on them. Stopped talking about all of the shit that happened to you when you were a kid. You're 37 years old now. No one's trying to hurt you. No one's coming after you. No one's going to hold you down and molest you. You haven't done drugs in three years. Stop fucking talking about them. Stop glamorizing them. Who would you be without your story? Who would you become?" Wow. A good reminder for all of us.
Khalil reminds us at the end, "My job is to work, be kind, and help people." This is what his success today is built upon. Congratulations! I hope you inspire many others to come into the light.
March 26, 2016
I don't usually read these kinds of books. I was waiting around at SunLife for my delicious Wolverine smoothie & there was a shelf full of these books lined up. I saw the title which caught my eye & then cringed at the front cover- the photograph is quite something. Still, I am a reader & I'd left my book in the car so I started reading it. When my smoothie was done & my name called, I'd read the first chapter & just really wanted to finish the story so I bought the book & read it fairly quickly. It's a pretty raw tale of this guy's terrible drug addiction, but it has a happy ending & it leaves you feeling happy for him & hopeful that other poor souls in the same predicament can find a way out to a better life. That he is now the owner of this organic, healthy SunLife chain is wonderful when you read about how he lived in the streets & had nothing for so long due to his drug abuse. Maybe it can inspire people who need this kind of encouragement to quit something that is ruining their lives, if he can turn his horrible life into something good, anyone can!
May 6, 2021
داستان عجیب و جذابی داشت که میتونست بهتر و درگیرکنندهتر روایت شه (:
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August 20, 2020I cannot rate this.
I don't know how to talk about this book. I love the first bit of it, when Khalil was addicted to drugs, it was so insightful. I felt bad for him and cheered for him and when he finally got sober I was so happy i almost cried. Then he said that god was the reason he was sober and i felt everything inside of me clench up. I don't dislike religious people, or religion in general, but it always rubs me the wrong way when people who have struggled through life say that god is the reason that they are alive and well today. I want to scream that no, you did it, not god, not anyone else, just you.
The later half of the book where he's trying to make a living help other drug addicts was great, but it had this undertone of preachy-ness, at one point a woman starts drinking his smoothies and supplements and he says that those things essentially saved her life and made her sober, which felt so wrong.
This audio book makes it sound like the journey he toke afterwards, was fueled by greed and pride.
I would recommend reading this book up till he says he hasn't done drugs since that day and stop there.
I don't know how to talk about this book. I love the first bit of it, when Khalil was addicted to drugs, it was so insightful. I felt bad for him and cheered for him and when he finally got sober I was so happy i almost cried. Then he said that god was the reason he was sober and i felt everything inside of me clench up. I don't dislike religious people, or religion in general, but it always rubs me the wrong way when people who have struggled through life say that god is the reason that they are alive and well today. I want to scream that no, you did it, not god, not anyone else, just you.
The later half of the book where he's trying to make a living help other drug addicts was great, but it had this undertone of preachy-ness, at one point a woman starts drinking his smoothies and supplements and he says that those things essentially saved her life and made her sober, which felt so wrong.
This audio book makes it sound like the journey he toke afterwards, was fueled by greed and pride.
I would recommend reading this book up till he says he hasn't done drugs since that day and stop there.
January 1, 2018
A crazy, unrelenting ride through the ultimate highs and lows a person can achieve in life. Rafati, born to immigrant parents, has a father from Pakistan and a mom from Poland. As he grows up in Toledo, Ohio, he sticks out like a sore thumb and has a terrible relationship with his family, especially his father. For 4 years he talks of one day moving to California, except that he is too busy getting high on every drug possible to make this dream a reality. Finally, he makes the great escape to the West Coast and then the story really becomes manic. Throughout his crazy drug fueled life, he works with/meets/becomes friends with a ridiculous amount of celebrities/musicians/actors (Axl Rose, Slash, Blind Melon, Lou Gossett Jr, Elizabeth Taylor, and many others that he hides the identities of, as they too are doing the same illegal drugs that he loves). He has insane 'adventures', but the fact that they are true stories make them more like nightmares. He follows a brutal road to hell before breaking free and leading an amazing life. He literally crawled out of a ditch where he was overdosing, filthy and dying, to becoming a wealthy man with an incredible life. This is a great read. --Jen from Quebec :0)
April 13, 2017
When you tell your kids: "don't do drugs" and they ask you why, this is the book you give them
December 28, 2023
Incredible, inspiring, and extremely un-put-downable!! Finished in less than 24 hours. Khalil’s story is truly riveting. His explicit description of his personal drug addiction is truly saddening, yet captivating. Just when you think he has finally hit his rock bottom, he keeps digging. This story is about overcoming self and stepping into a new identity; one that is not consumed with past trauma and relentless self pity. Khalil is a truthful story teller and relatable in more ways than I expected in “I Forgot to Die”.
October 19, 2024
This book is great. Jack started listening to it because he knows the author / creator of sunlife organics then I was intrigued by the story and I finished it insanely quickly. Insane story, beautiful message, and very raw and real. As someone who’s not religious I even felt moved by the themes of spirituality and hope.
April 17, 2019
Excellent read. Heartbreaking and inspirational.
December 25, 2025
Wow wow wow. Might be the first book I’ve read in a day. Honestly this book was a lot more graphic and scary than I thought it’d be?!? but I knew I would love this story because of who wrote it and how much I truly love and feel safe in sunlifes. Wishing this type of recovery to anyone who’s struggling and loved how it all circled back to his dream of opening a juice bar 😭
July 5, 2024
I'm glad the author kicked his alcohol and drug addictions, but the veracity of this book is a bit suspect. For example, someone who destroyed themselves so determinedly for so many years, is unlikely to have such incredible recall of where he was, what he took, and what the people with him at the time did and said.
In addition, the author is still very addicted to things--just different things. He went from drugs and alcohol to yoga, healthy foods, and God. His current addictions will certainly help him live longer, but his life is still wholly consumed by his addictions, and so his solutions will not work for many people, especially for agnostics, atheists, and people who truly want to live addiction-free. Organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous are similarly useless for people who believe religions are "an opiate for the masses" and have caused far more harm than good.
Finally, the author blamed so many of his problems on his parents, but they weren't outrageous. He was his biggest problem in his childhood
In addition, the author is still very addicted to things--just different things. He went from drugs and alcohol to yoga, healthy foods, and God. His current addictions will certainly help him live longer, but his life is still wholly consumed by his addictions, and so his solutions will not work for many people, especially for agnostics, atheists, and people who truly want to live addiction-free. Organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous are similarly useless for people who believe religions are "an opiate for the masses" and have caused far more harm than good.
Finally, the author blamed so many of his problems on his parents, but they weren't outrageous. He was his biggest problem in his childhood
September 20, 2016
Beautifully written memoir
I enjoyed this book very much and found it interesting from start to finish. Kahlil doesn't hold much back, sharing enough detail about the drug addled existence he led and it's genesis
In his troubled childhood to gain my attention . He's not overly humorous or witty, nor formulaic in his eventual recovery .
I think he probably knows how lucky he is, but he doesn't dwell on this fact. He just gets on with it and takes the reader with him in the retelling. Brilliant.
I enjoyed this book very much and found it interesting from start to finish. Kahlil doesn't hold much back, sharing enough detail about the drug addled existence he led and it's genesis
In his troubled childhood to gain my attention . He's not overly humorous or witty, nor formulaic in his eventual recovery .
I think he probably knows how lucky he is, but he doesn't dwell on this fact. He just gets on with it and takes the reader with him in the retelling. Brilliant.
November 11, 2017
This man has a fascinating perseverance with his attempts to hurt himself both emotionally and physically. He not only manages to do it every time but he also manages to out-game himself the next time he tries. Possessing a rare combination of recklessness, intelligence, hubris and charm, he leads his readers on a dark journey of self-discovery and survival.
March 1, 2024
One of the most down to earth biographies I have ever read. Considering Khalil’s past and present, it would have been completely unsurprising if this book either rewrote a more palatable version of history or became preachy, but it does neither.
I Forgot to Die holds nothing back; it details all of the disgusting, horrific and heartbreaking moments that usually come with being a Junkie. The desperation of addiction is felt throughout the entire book, and just when you think that things couldn’t get worse, they do.
There was a brief moment where the novel was a little repetitive, but the feeling doesn’t last too long.
The ending is just the right amount of uplifting to balance out an otherwise harrowing tale and for someone who experienced a come-to-Jesus moment, it is surprisingly un-preachy. The writing as a whole feels incredibly candid, and not at all superfluous. If you listen to the audiobook (narrated by the author), you get a sense that Khalil (post sobriety) would be a really good mate.
I Forgot to Die holds nothing back; it details all of the disgusting, horrific and heartbreaking moments that usually come with being a Junkie. The desperation of addiction is felt throughout the entire book, and just when you think that things couldn’t get worse, they do.
There was a brief moment where the novel was a little repetitive, but the feeling doesn’t last too long.
The ending is just the right amount of uplifting to balance out an otherwise harrowing tale and for someone who experienced a come-to-Jesus moment, it is surprisingly un-preachy. The writing as a whole feels incredibly candid, and not at all superfluous. If you listen to the audiobook (narrated by the author), you get a sense that Khalil (post sobriety) would be a really good mate.
August 25, 2020
A real and raw tale of the vicious addiction cycle due to pain and trauma. I think this is a book that every health care provider should read. Terrific insight to the struggle of wanting to be better and know better but needing that next fix. I loved hearing his experience about how nurses treated him and how it he perceived it.
Sometimes we all need to go through a little hell to see how we resilient we truly are. Great book
Sometimes we all need to go through a little hell to see how we resilient we truly are. Great book
August 15, 2024
OMG this boook!!!!!! I have read a lot of memoirs from recovering addicts but this book I could not put downn!!!
His story is so wild and inspiring and he has written it so effortlessly. The depth and detail of his story was amazing and really painted a picture of what life is like as an addict.
Khalil has not only saved himself but many others in the process of his recovery.
100% recommend probably one of my favourite reads this year.
His story is so wild and inspiring and he has written it so effortlessly. The depth and detail of his story was amazing and really painted a picture of what life is like as an addict.
Khalil has not only saved himself but many others in the process of his recovery.
100% recommend probably one of my favourite reads this year.
January 6, 2024
I read a lot of memoirs, and addiction memoirs are my favorite because I am also in recovery. My story was much different from Khalil's, yet it felt so familiar. We ended up in similar places and went through the same struggles, both in addiction and recovery. I'm glad he made it out alive to tell his story. I highly recommend reading this one.
May 17, 2025
Bloody hell. This book is literally a bloody hell. Couldn’t put it down — finished/devoured it in two days. Drug literature has a way of making me feel terrible, chest all compressed. But this one did that and then turned it all around at the end. Talk about rock bottom. There’s no limit to rock bottom. Incredibly well written and heavy story with a twist.
August 4, 2020
The different lives that people lead. Illustrates vividly how our fellow humans can be living 180 degrees opposite of us at any given moment, in any given place. Gripping and real, the depths and triumphs of one unique individual, who represents so many other anonymous addicts. Another piece proving there is much more to this group than just their addiction.
December 20, 2020
It was two days before Christmas and I had just finished reading A Promised Land, I needed to read something that I would say with an easy flow. However the title piqued mt interest. After finishing the first chapter, I was hooked.
We all have our addictions, for Khalil it was substance abuse. Flipping through the pages, I was transformed and found myself being part of the life or Rafati. The honesty, the raw delivery and the blunt reality about people, family and friends; how we been dealing with situations when ww hit rock bottom...are the truths in this book that the author managed to engrave in my heart.
I used to tell myself, “the only way to go after hitting rock bottom is up.” Little did I know that at times you might think you are going up after hitting rock bottom only to realize that I had taken a shovel and was digging down, searching and hoping for another rock bottom.
The story is beautifully crafted and the life lesson flawlessly delivered. I will always remember to live.
We all have our addictions, for Khalil it was substance abuse. Flipping through the pages, I was transformed and found myself being part of the life or Rafati. The honesty, the raw delivery and the blunt reality about people, family and friends; how we been dealing with situations when ww hit rock bottom...are the truths in this book that the author managed to engrave in my heart.
I used to tell myself, “the only way to go after hitting rock bottom is up.” Little did I know that at times you might think you are going up after hitting rock bottom only to realize that I had taken a shovel and was digging down, searching and hoping for another rock bottom.
The story is beautifully crafted and the life lesson flawlessly delivered. I will always remember to live.
January 3, 2023
Stories about addiction are always fascinating to me. This book provides difficult detail, but ends in an amazing come back story. It is obvious that the author has worked hard and pursued despite hardship. Had me hooked from the beginning.
March 22, 2023
A dark memoir about overcoming a deeply troubled past. Rafati bravely opens up in raw detail. There were many times he should have died yet he was saved. Now he shares his story and works to save others. Continually on a journey to remember how to live and love.
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February 20, 2024Listened to audiobook - been wanting to read this for years now, such an incredible story and such a big fan of Khalil. I really enjoyed listening as sometimes it’s hard to get through memoirs when reading.
February 7, 2025
“I Forgot to Die is the Forrest Gump of drug addiction memoirs” — Rolling Stone Magazine…I can say without a doubt that is accurate! Such a great true story about addiction and redemption. Highly recommend!
January 7, 2023
Really interesting book. Would recommend reading it.
September 26, 2023
This book was amazing, the good parts, and the bad.
February 14, 2026
will always give 5 stars to a SUD memoir & the tales, tests, & triumphs -or not- that go along them but minus 2 pseudo stars because god has nothing to do with it
August 8, 2025
4.5 stars - a very compelling story and an enjoyable read/listen. his obsession with whole foods/superfoods/organics/“the best products nature has to offer” (according to his business website) kinda gives me the ick but I’m glad he found success and healing.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 265 reviews