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The Other Side of Happiness: Embracing a More Fearless Approach to Living

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'Required reading ... Brock Bastian expertly picks apart the fundamental idea that humans thrive when they approach pleasure and avoid pain, explaining why hardship sometimes yields richer lives that are laden with meaning, deep social connections, and unexpected bliss' Adam Alter, author of Drunk Tank Pink In today's culture, happiness has become the new marker of success, while hardships are viewed as personal weaknesses, or problems to be fixed. We increasingly try to eradicate pain through medication and by insulating ourselves from risk and offence, despite being the safest generation to have ever lived. Yet in his research, renowned social psychologist Brock Bastian has found that suffering and sadness are neither antithetical to happiness nor incidental to they are a necessary ingredient for emotional well-being.Drawing on psychology, neuroscience and internationally acclaimed findings from Bastian's own lab, The Other Side of Happiness encourages us to take a more fearless approach to living. The most thrilling moments of our lives are often balanced on a knife edge between pleasure and pain, whether it is finding your true love, holding your new-born for the first time, finishing a marathon or even plunging into an icy sea. This is because pain and the threat of loss quite literally increase our capacity for happiness, as Bastian reveals, making us stronger, more resilient, more connected to other people and more attuned to what truly matters. Pain even makes us more mindful, since in our darkest moments we are especially focused and aware of the world around us. Our addiction to positivity and the pursuit of pleasure is actually making us miserable. Brock Bastian shows that, without some pain, we have no real way to achieve and appreciate the kind of happiness that is true and transcendent.

187 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2018

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Brock Bastian

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5 stars
83 (26%)
4 stars
134 (42%)
3 stars
72 (23%)
2 stars
20 (6%)
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4 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
Profile Image for Sam.
374 reviews4 followers
February 23, 2019
In an age where we try to avoid any physical or emotional pain by reaching for a drug this book highlights why this is road to ruin. Human beings need pain. Huxley’s Brave New World was a terrifying example of how destitute life is if it just contains pleasurable circumstances. Most of us can attest to the barrenness of a hedonistic lifestyle. Pain is needed to juxtapose and remind us of why we find things so pleasurable. Bastian is a pain researcher and provides lots of empirical studies which indicate that the things we find most pleasurable are those which contain some pain. If we think of the experiences we have had that brought us the most joy there is usually an example of a juxtaposition with pain. An example of this would be the pain of taking a cold shower and the pleasure of relief afterwards. Research shows that with repeated exposure the pain is reduced and the pleasure is intensified with each repetition. Research also shows the opposite happens for pleasurable experiences where we feel less pleasure over repeated exposure and more intense displeasure such as guilt afterwards. Thus the way to a pleasurable life is through a modicum of pain. Bastian warns of the detriment of the cotton wool generation and helicopter parenting that robs children of the ability to experience pain and adapt to it. Without this children are liable to me more affected by pain and view it in a negative way as they age and be at risk of things such as depression. Further research shows that pain allows us to be more empathetic, more charitable and to think of others and thus be better people. Those in countries of great hardship report that their lives whilst a struggle are more meaningful and thus Bastian encourages us to embrace pain. Pain is an adaptive response and we need it to be happy. It is the avoidance of pain that limits our potential.
43 reviews
March 20, 2019
Interesting book to show how important adversity is in life in order to reach happiness. The book is quite heavy on explaining studies on the relationship between emotional/physical pain and happiness, with a special emphasis on the studies written by the author. Luckily, this was balanced with easier to read content.
Profile Image for Nwaf.
182 reviews74 followers
October 12, 2025
هذا ليس كتاب تنمية بشرية بل يطرح العديد من القضايا المتعلقة بالألم والمعاناة وكيفية تجاوزها في العالم المادي ونكون مستمتعين بالبهجة والفرح، بالإضافة إلى مشاعر إيجابية أخرى. من المؤكد أن بعض الشدائد قد وصعوبات الحياة من الممكن أن تُقوينا، لذا فإن بعض النكسات والعقبات والأحداث السلبية تجعلنا أقوى وأفضل.

ويتحدى الفكر الغربي التقليدي المفترض القائل بضرورة القضاء على كل ألم ومعاناة للعيش بسعادة وكل خطر فشل لنكون راضين. عوضًا عن ذلك، يطرح نظرية مفادها أن الألم في الواقع مُحفز ضروري للمتعة، وأن للحياة معنى عندما تتوازن تجارب الألم والمتعة، بل إن تجربة الألم تُضفي معنى للحياة .

*مترجم للعربية
الوجه الآخر للسعادة
بروك باستيان
Profile Image for Fiona.
242 reviews7 followers
January 19, 2020
There's lots of great insight here about how essential pain is to our wellbeing, and how avoiding pain actually makes us more miserable. It gave me lots of food for thought around what we actually mean when we talk about happiness.
4 stars rather than 5 because (a) the title suggested to me that this would be more about emotional matters and in fact it was much more about physical pain (lots of experiments using iced water) and I would have liked a greater focus on the emotional side and (b) the psychology experiments were described in a great deal of unnecessary detail, given that this seems to be aimed at a general readership, at the expense of the reflection and discussion which was a bit limited at times.
Profile Image for Josh.
1 review5 followers
June 3, 2020
Interesting insights, but it reads like a dissertation. Save yourself time and read the conclusion. Summarizes everything nicely.
Profile Image for Caleb Loh.
101 reviews
November 30, 2022
The book’s main point is that pain is necessary for happiness, and we should seek put painful, uncomfortable, and novel experiences often. When the body experiences physical and mental pain, it releases opioids — they help to numb the pain, and when the pain subsides, the remaining opioid creates pleasant and happy sensations (opioid overshoot). Which leads to the question of whether or not happiness is a good in itself … Is there a difference between happiness from a hedonistic lifestyle, and joy from a meaningful one, if they are characterised by the same chemicals?
19 reviews
July 18, 2023
Interessante kijk op geluk, onderbouwd door eigen onderzoek
Profile Image for Amir.
58 reviews
December 7, 2024
نگاه عالی. اگه دنبال شادی و رضایتی، باید دنبال رنج باشی نه شادی!
Profile Image for Eddie B.
12 reviews
April 2, 2025
An excellent exploration of the connection of pain and pleasure. This book has certainly inspired me reassess my approach to pain and negative feelings and experiences. Highly recommend.
Profile Image for Zipora Zipora.
196 reviews4 followers
December 8, 2021
The book really blows my mind and changes my perspectives about happiness. Here are the quotes from the book:
- our minds are natural wanderers, and we find it hard to stop them.

- having a meaningful life is not related to experiencing a lot of pleasure of happiness. People who feel their lives are meaningful are not always those who experience the most happiness day-to-day but, they are people who experience high levels of autonomy, personal growth, self-acceptance, mastery and positive interpersonal relationships.

- those who were happier but had little meaning in their lives tended to be takers rather than givers.

-leading a meaningful life is much harder to achieve than leading a happy life. It involves a more effort, worry and strain.

- the more that people sought happiness by maximizing pleasure, the less they tended to experience academic and occupational success in life.

- A belief in God helps us to make sense of our pain, perhaps because we believe he might relieve it, or because we need someone to blame.
Having faith in God out of desperation is clearly not a place most of us would choose to be. In fact, believing in God at all may not be our chosen pathway to the meaningful life.

- Pain indeed does make things seem more meaningful and, in turn, it makes those things seem more worthy of our time and resources- they become more highly valued.

- death reminders might make life seem more scarce and, in this way, increase its perceived value.

- people who like structure tend to see their lives as more meaningful in response to being reminded of death, people who do not prefer order and structure tend to see their lives as less meaningful, but instead they express a desire to seek out novel experiences- a kind of bucket-list response to death reminders.

- the more we consciously engage with our own mortality the more likely we are to focus on things that matter, to seek out things that are ultimately likely to provide more depth to our lives.

- one thing we can do is change how we think. By engaging with a different perspective on pain, and understanding that it is central to many desirable experiences in life, we can begin to relate to it in different ways.
secondly, we can change how we behave. Bound up in this more uncomfortable approach to living is the limitless potential for learning and personal development. We might also begin to embrace our feelings of sorrow or loss, and do the same when others come to us with such concerns.

Our pains are useful because they warn us of danger or inform us of our limits, but what we have overlooked is that our painful experiences are also central to our psychological well-being. Our pains provide an anchor for our pleasures, leading to the possibility of greater fulfilment.

Our painful experiences are what make us human. They ground our thinking, our purpose, and they ground us in others.

-
Profile Image for Monyputhy Ly.
97 reviews46 followers
August 28, 2018
The Other Side of Happiness: Embracing a More Fearless Approach to Living | By Bastian Brock

"Happiness is often found in those moments we are most vulnerable, alone or in pain. Happiness is there, on the edges of these experiences, and when we get a glimpse of that kind of happiness it is powerful, transcendent and compelling."

When a baby is born, it brings happiness and joy to the people around, but not to mention the pain it causes to give birth. A fulfilling view after a long and tiring trek to the top of the mountain. It is moment like this that is known as true happiness. So much in our life, we associate pleasure as happiness, and it's not.

"We need to positively identify our negative experiences, rather than define them as the absence of something better. We need a term that captures the full array of our negative experiences and draws them together under a meaningful umbrella. For this, the most accurate term is pain."

Pain is one of the element that creates long-lasting happiness. It creates vulnerabilities, reflections, growth and connections. For millennials, the generations that gets the medal for coming last, are vulnerable to pain, because they are protected for almost everything. When hard situations happen, they're the people who are most vulnerable.

"We need bravery to accept things that hurt us, but when we see these experiences from a different perspective and understand that we need pain in more ways than we ever realized, we can learn to embrace our experiences more honestly and openly - and only then will true happiness come creeping up from behind."
Profile Image for MS.
400 reviews11 followers
August 14, 2019
5 painful starz because this book IS IMPORTANT, perhaps more important than all the "betterment" books I've read this year.

Far too often, in our struggle to exist, we believe that happiness should be the ultimate goal. A string of newer books (based on fairly ancient ones) emphasizes the value of meaning over happiness, and this is one of them. Surely, it doesn't hurt to be happy, or does it? As Bastian shows, in the end, being obsessed with happiness and trying to banish pain altogether only increases the unpleasantness of our daily lives. Being cotton-woolen goes against the grain of our very nature.

The author explores the various facets of pain and its implications for our existence. The book is extensively documented> in fact, I have never seen so many experiments described in such great deal in a popularising book before :D Which makes me think of the pretty low ratings here on GR. But I wish this book would be more popular because it is necessary! We must come to terms with pain, we must accept it. By trying to escape it at any cost we become absurdly sensitized to it, we fail to develop "immunity" to its specter.

SO> I do hope that the author will continue writing and studying this topic. It is much too valuable to be abandoned or relegated to a footnote in the literature on happiness that fills so many shelves.
Profile Image for Snowdrop .
60 reviews
January 28, 2020
The book is a fantastic read! Coming from a social-scientific angle, the author presented his findings, as well as those from his colleagues around the world, in a clear, concise manner. It is easy to understand, and many of the concepts are broken down into bite-sized chapters that are approachable for anyone.

I would say that this is an important book to read because many people in today's world are unhappy and yet do not know why. We are mostly leading "good lives" and enjoying ourselves. Nonetheless, we are unhappy. I picked up this book because I think I was unhappy, but after reading the book, I realised that unhappiness can be the best way for growth.

Read this!! I highly recommended it!
Profile Image for John.
937 reviews19 followers
September 30, 2019
Behind the title that hints of a book about happiness, is a book about the opposite, namely pain and its necessity for happiness to be. This is a very good book about this topic and tries to address many facets of what pain is and does for us in positive ways. No pain, no gain.
4 reviews
November 1, 2019
it is a good book to read ,even though the idea in the book is not that hard for many people and some already have the basic idea about it , the logic of it is very clear and precise , it is interesting and useful to read this book.
Profile Image for June.
4 reviews1 follower
January 29, 2020
This book is good for everyone, full of empirical findings that were friendly described. The subtitle of this book tells us more about this book than the book title. A fearless approach is especially crucial in the current society.
Profile Image for Alexandra.
170 reviews5 followers
December 9, 2020
Some valuable insights about a pretty counterintuitive idea - pain might be a constructive thing. Or at least somewhat useful towards building stronger people, with more empathy and better abilities to cope with life's hardships.
Profile Image for Daniel Clemence.
439 reviews
October 4, 2025
Sometimes, I wonder why I still like going for long walks when I get foot pain. Or pick blackberries despite the thorns. Now I know why.The Other Side of Happiness by Brock Bastian argues that happiness requires pain and discomfort. Humans have sought comfort too much and because of this have created a world of depression. Bastian argues that we need to create a "benign masochism" in which we seek discomfort in order to have happiness.

Suggestions such as ice-swimming are mentioned as positive ways to boost happiness. He points to different statistics and research about why humans need people in their lives to cope through suffering together.

I think there are good points to the book. The need for adventure can be something that I lack at times. Still, I push myself with reading as many books in a year as possible which some people would hate and couldn't bear. Maybe I need to do more?

That said, I think some of the data points are not as good as they could be. For example, he mentions that the US states with the most suffering also have the highest religiosity and certainty in God's existence. This is problematic for a few reasons. One, is religiosity an innate good that requires suffering to exist? Two, is the religiosity of the US states a positive thing if it correlates strongly with hyper-conservative and right wing politics that causes anti-climate policies that threaten humanity with extinction? I didn't find it convincing that you would use religion as a coping mechanism for suffering and that comes from a Liberal Anglican Christian.

Another point was the point he made about having children as happiness. Studies show that having children doesn't really increase your happiness anymore than not having children. There are studies that are found in countries with childcare and welfare to have positive increases in happiness but in other places like the US, there is little correlation between happiness and children because of parents that didn't want to have children.

The book has some positive points and is worth a read to have another perspective on happiness.
Profile Image for Daniel.
698 reviews103 followers
May 2, 2020
While it is not wrong to pursue happiness, too much happiness is bad for us; pain and pleasure ar two sides of the same coin; this great book shows us the science behind pain.

1. We are always chasing happiness and trying to blunt pain, but pleasure is temporary because we adapt to it. Lack of pain numbs our range of emotions, let kids grow up to be cotton weak.
2. Hedonic reversal: when we know our negative feeling is ending and we are not in real danger (horror movies, eating chili, roller-coaster ride), we feel good. The relief afterwards is also pleasurable and it does not adapt. Both pleasure and relief release opioids and dopamine; therefore people do use painful events to help deal with other painful events, be it physical or emotional.
3. Hedonic flip: pain can be good feeling if we know that it could be worse!
4. There is not only reducing satisfaction from each additional piece of indulgence, but also post-euphoric sadness.
5. Tragedy sometimes make people stronger, by reminding people of what is really important, and what they are capable of. What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger; but that only up to a point, a U-shaped curve.
6. Expression of pain elicits sympathy in others and leads to less guilty judgements.
7. Pain causes us to draw close to others for comfort before & after, because it reduces the pain. We especially seek out others going through similar pain. A life time of adversity makes us more pro-social. Thus painful rituals (hazing) do bring groups together and make them more creative!
8. Pain limits our cognitive bandwidth, and focuses us on the here and now. Pain increases our sensitivity to all feelings.
9. Pain makes people more religious, and help us look for meaning. Sadly, countries with higher GDP per capital report less life meaning. Pain makes us donate more to charity (so the success of ALS ice bucket challenge).
Profile Image for Marine.
76 reviews1 follower
July 4, 2022
As a psychology student, reading this book quite giving me the experience of reading scientific journals compacted into one single book. With a flexible narration, the scientific informations are fused into daily examples and becoming easier to comprehend. Author also adds some trivia regarding cultural difference and activities that could be a comparison to how people perceive happiness.

One thing that I consider to be lacked of is the practical suggestions for the readers. I get it, the scientific research backs the argument in an outstanding way and I appreciate it, but with no practical suggestions it feels like reading another reference to be added on my essays. In fact, this whole book could be my single reference to my essay! Unfortunately, it wasn't what I expected from reading the book. I'm not into self-help book a lot, but at least the summary could carry some practical examples to implement the argument.
83 reviews1 follower
November 24, 2022
Content is superb - reimagines how we should approach pain and how it should be embraced as a path to greater happiness rather than ignored and minimised. It's easy to see how these principles mirror real life - generally people perform at their best under mild stress/pressure and a lot of happiness is achieved through exertion and effort so pain isn't to be treated as bad necessarily.

I'd love to rate it higher but something about the writing style annoys me & I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe too many random scientific studies thrown in to make a small point or an almost condescending tone throughout the entire book but whatever it is does detract from the book. Maybe it's just a pain you have to endure for the eventual wisdom you gain?
8 reviews9 followers
July 22, 2021
When I started reading this book, I thought, Wow! This book is amazing, how is it, that this book isn't bestseller yet? And then I found out: It's written by an academic without any concern for the laymen who may not be as interested in the "how" the result is reached, but rather is interested in the implications of the result.

Read this book nonetheless but brace yourself and expect to learn not only about pain but also the methodology of modern psychology.

Great book overall.
16 reviews
September 13, 2024
Took me a while to read, but overall enjoyed it.
Although it’s very well written I found myself zoning out quite often, and sometimes found it repetitive (=“adversity gives us strength”).
I would like to keep in mind however, that the avoidance of pain is more harmful than experiencing pain, and that truth and beauty present themselves with a clear intensity when one experiences/comes out of a painful experience.
Profile Image for Mark Butterworth.
48 reviews
November 6, 2021
Read a bit like an academic thesis at times, lots of studies and data, and it occasionally felt like it was trying to lend academic weight to the bashing of a "snowflake generation." That said, it was really interesting, thought provoking and full of fascinating stuff. Turns out that paracetamol literally helps with emotional pain. That fact alone was worth 4 stars.
31 reviews3 followers
July 8, 2023
This book could’ve been a tweet. If author needed to expand on it - could’ve fit it in small article.

Small, 2-pages “Conclusion” section makes book obsolete. If conclusion was an “intro” section - reading it alone would cover for the whole book.

Embrace (some) pain in your live and don’t try to avoid it at any cost.
84 reviews
December 17, 2023
قرائته بترجمة دكتور علي العتابي، واشكر الرجل الذي يعمل في مكتبة من مكتبات بريطانيا التي شاركت في معرض الكتاب في شهر رمضان في قطر وقد نصحني به.
هذا النوع من الكتب واقعي ومقنع ومبني على دراسات، ولابد ان يضيف للقارئ واستفدت منه كثيرا وانصح به كثيرا.
منظور مهم فعلاً مايشير اليه الكاتب، وأسلوبه رائع لايمل منه وحتى لو كثرت التفاصيل للإقناع والتوضيح.
بسيط وعميق ، مهم ويجب ان لا ينسى، اقل من ٢٥٠ص.
Profile Image for Maha Nagi.
96 reviews5 followers
August 25, 2019
It's a psychology books talks about how we can find the happiness during painful moments..
Interesting book to read, I strongly recommend it.
40 reviews
December 19, 2019
A good book to remind us that pain is valuable part of life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews

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