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384 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2017



The more she saw of him, the more she wanted him.
J.C. worked full-time locally, but he went back overseas periodically to train troops in Iraq in police procedure.
She dressed like a lady, but he knew all about women who put on their best behavior around company.
He had women, but this one stirred him in a different way.
J.C. followed close behind her, his smile as smug and arrogant as the look on his face. Colie wanted him. He knew it without a word being spoken.
J.C. just stared into space. “I hate people. The best of them will turn on you, given the opportunity.”
She wanted J.C. Why was it so wrong to sleep with someone you loved? It was as natural as breathing. At least, she imagined it was.
“Daddy, I can’t help how I feel,” she ground out. “I’m crazy about him!”
He wasn’t about to get serious. He just wanted someone cute and responsive to spend time with. She didn’t seem the sort of woman who’d cling, and that suited him very well.
Could he do that to her? Make her beg, make her do anything he liked, and then just walk away?
She was old enough to know the score, and he was certain he wouldn’t be her first man.
You were raised to have principles. Don’t discard them for a man who’ll never marry you.”
“She was beautiful. The most beautiful human creature I’d ever seen. She was poised, sophisticated, talented.” He grimaced. “I thought she was perfect. I fell head over heels in love the first night. She could turn me inside out. She was like a drug, an addiction. I’d never known so much pleasure.” She was jealous, but she didn’t let on.
“We went around together for weeks. I took her to the opera, the theater, to symphony concerts. Even to a rock concert. I bought her designer clothing and diamonds. She really seemed to love me. I certainly loved her.”
But he didn’t call. And his two or three days turned into a week.
He’d had lovers; never a woman he could tease or joke with, or just enjoy talking to.
He took what was offered and moved on to the next woman.
“I won’t make promises, Colie,” he said huskily. “No matter what happens.”
So she took a deep breath and let him have her. He cried out with the pleasure. She was happy that her body was giving him so much joy, she only wished she could share it. But she felt torn and uncomfortable.
At least it didn’t take a long time, she wasn’t sure she could have managed not to start crying.
So she didn’t refuse him. As he’d promised, he took longer with her. But her body, still recovering from the shock and pain of the first time, was uncooperative.
That was, until he penetrated her. She ground her teeth together and tried to relax, but it was almost as uncomfortable as it had been the first time. J.C. didn’t notice. He was starving for her.
He tried to slow down. He couldn’t. It had been a long time between women.
She didn’t respond, or demand, as his other women had. She did whatever he wanted her to do.
She didn’t like sex. She was certain of it now.
“Colie, I’m not proposing marriage. You understand that, don’t you? I’m asking you to live with me.
He didn’t love her.
She was as much as admitting that he didn’t satisfy her.
“But you don’t enjoy having sex with me,”
“You can tell people we’re engaged,” he said after a minute.
“I’m still not interested in marriage, Colie. But if you spread it around that I’m serious about you, it will make things easier for your father. He’s a good man,”
Latex and all, she was thinking, but she gave in, as she always did, dreading the discomfort...
She enjoyed the intimacy, even if she didn’t enjoy the sex.
He didn’t call. Days went by without a word from him.
If J.C. had really cared about her, he’d have called. He’d have written.
“I was sick of you, anyway,” he said as he headed toward the bedroom. “You never did anything in bed except lie there like a plastic doll. You never wanted me. You couldn’t even pretend that you did. I guess your boyfriend was better in bed, even if he was poor. Rod said you couldn’t keep your hands off him, even in front of your father.”
“Just for the books, I wouldn’t have married you, even if that child had been mine,” he added. “I told you. I love my freedom.”
“Two-timing prostitutes, the lot of you! I thought you were different. I really did. But you were just out for what you could get, like all the others.”
If she was innocent, no wonder she hadn’t liked the first time, or the times that followed. He’d always been in a hurry.
He’d thrown Colie away, called her names, accused her of lying, ridiculed the way she was in bed.
“Sometimes, we dig our own graves long before we die,” he said out of the blue.
yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a hope.
“But courage isn’t the lack of fear—it’s having the guts to act even when you’re most afraid. That’s true heroism.”
“He said that life was useless unless we forgave people. It’s what faith is supposed to be all about.”
She simply accepted what little affection he was capable of, without wishing for more.
She loved J.C., but this had been an unpleasant part of their relationship, just the same. “It’s okay,”
“I told you. I’ve been reading books...” She gasped