Wanna Bet: A Degenerate Gambler's Guide to Living on the Edge

by Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza

When Artie Lange's first book, the #1 New York Times bestseller, Too Fat To Fish, hit the top of the charts, audiences learned what Howard Stern listeners already knew: that Artie is one of the funniest people alive. He is also an artist haunted by his fair share of demons, which overtook him in the years that followed. After a suicide attempt, a two-year struggle with depression, and years of chronic opiate addiction, Artie entered recovery and built himself back up, chronicling his struggle in brave detail in his next book and second NYT bestseller, Crash and Burn.

In his hilarious third book, the two-time bestselling author, comedian, actor, and radio icon explains the philosophy that has kept his existence boredom-free since the age of 13--the love of risk. An avid sports better and frequent card player, Lange believes that the true gambler gets high not from winning, but from the chaotic unknown of betting itself. He recounts some of his favorite moments, many of which haven't involved money at all. In this candid and entertaining memoir, he looks back at the times he's wagered the intangible and priceless things in life: his health, his career, and his relationships. The stories found in Wanna Bet? paint a portrait of a man who would just as quickly bet tens of thousands of dollars on a coin toss as he would a well thought out NBA or NFL wager. Along for the ride are colorful characters from Artie's life who live by the same creed, from a cast of childhood friends to peers like comedian and known gambler Norm McDonald. The book is a tour of a subculture where bookies and mobsters, athletes and celebrities ride the gambling roller coaster for the love of the rush. Through it all, somehow Artie has come out ahead, though he does take a few moments to imagine his life if things hadn't quite gone his way. Unrepentant and unrestrained, the book is Lange at his finest.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Audiobook, Autobiography, Comedy

242 pages, Hardcover

Published July 1, 2018

About the author

Arthur Steven Lange, Jr. is an American stand-up comedian, radio personality, and actor. Lange is most notable for replacing Jackie Martling on The Howard Stern Show, and as a member of the original cast of the sketch comedy series MADtv. Lange's first book Too Fat to Fish was released on November 11, 2008 and was named a New York Times best seller on November 21st, 2008.

Reviews

[Keith · Rating 3 out of 5]

As I’m a huge Howard Stern fan, I’m also a fan of Artie’s, so, duh, of course I read this book. Like his other two books, which I’ve read and enjoyed, this book was also a memoir. Only this one focused more on his gambling habits. I always knew he loved gambling but in this book he really got into the psychology behind it and how that love of gambling has more or less shaped his entire life. The reason he gambles so much is astonishingly simple: he hates being bored. Which means that if his life is normal, if he has, say, a regular job on the biggest radio show on the planet that has him on a set routine, he gets bored so he has to ramp up the action, which often results in him losing work, like he did with the Stern Show. Other people look at it as Artie fucking up, as him blowing a HUGE opportunity, which he admits is definitely what it is - he’s blown huge opportunities, but he’s also gotten to a point in his life where he’s accepted the fact that this is just how he is: he needs action. Also, he enjoys challenging himself. He likes digging a hole to see how and/or if he can get out of it. So, according to this mentality, he got himself fired from the Stern Show just to see whether he could survive without it. And son of a bitch, he did. His career might not be as big as it was on Howard, BUT he’s still working, he’s still relevant, and he still continues to dig himself out of the holes he’s gotten himself into. When you stop and think about it, it’s self-destructive, sure, but it’s also pretty impressive. I mean, to knowingly fuck things up just to see if you can overcome the obstacle of fucking up, well, that does take balls. A certain amount of insanity, too, of course, but it takes balls as well. Because he talked so much about gambling, he also talked a lot about his life growing up and how he got into gambling and how gambling exposed him to a seedier, more criminal side of life. A lot of what he talked about I was only marginally aware of. He talked about his time working at the port as a longshoreman on Stern but he never got that granular on the details. Like in the book he talks about how he started working as a bagman for some sort of mob outfit and how he could’ve very well gotten killed doing it. He also talked about how he used to monitor a pay phone at a diner for some car theft racket, wherein he made tens of thousands of dollars doing it. Again, it was another gig where he could’ve very well gotten arrested and killed. But Artie being Artie, he didn’t. He rehashed some old stories, too, such as when he went and did the USO tour in Afghanistan. But he did give some new details, which was interesting. He also talks a lot about how safe everything has become, comedy especially. He says that up-and-coming comedians don’t take many chances now because they don’t want to offend anybody because EVERYBODY is so easily offended, which makes Artie nuts. He thinks that comedy is supposed to be edgy and risky because that’s what makes it funny. And, in my opinion, he’s right. He equates being a stand-up to gambling: it’s supposed to be risky. Every time you take the stage, you’re gambling - will you bomb (lose) or will you kill (win)? According to Artie (and most other seasoned comics, really), the bigger risks you take, the bigger laughs you’re likely to get. Which I also agree with. That was actually one of the themes in the book - how things have changed in comedy, how nobody takes risks anymore. He sounded resentful of the comics coming up today as well as comedy acts that have, in his opinion, become safe and sanitized. Of course, he said that the Stern Show has become boring and “just bad,” though he gives no specific examples as to how, which I thought was lame. Artie also talked about how he went on a bender that resulted in him snorting salt-and-glass-filled Oxycontin, which tore the shit out of the inside of his nose, which is now permanently swollen. That just made me sad, how he can’t seem to kick his habit. But as he admits, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be permanently on the wagon. He likes the rush of being bad too much. I will say he’s gotten quite self-analytical as he gets older and he’s just given himself over to these impulses and accepted them as part of who he’ll always be. That made all of his stories of self-destruction a bit easier to take, but I still wonder where he’d be if he could just live a normal life while still being funny. Shit, maybe his lack of control is a big part of what makes him so funny. Whatever the case, I’ll continue to read Artie’s books because he’s a funny fucking guy and a hell of a storyteller.

[Jerry Geleff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Artie Lange is the ultimate story teller. This is a book you'll love reading or listening to. How is this guy still alive? On second thought, wouldn't it be good to find out his drug issue is just a PR campaign?

[Partal]

How do you choose the right online casino?

This post is aimed at the new online casino player trying to find a place to play real money casino games online. Choosing such a provider is about more than most people think. Simply choosing an online casino at the risk of luck rarely leads to the goal.

Of course, you can simply select the providers with the largest no deposit bonus on comparison websites. But can you trust these comparisons? Not all, that's for sure, but there are sites out there that have been helping gamers find the right casinos for over a decade. These are usually trustworthy. However, if you prefer to test yourself, you should work through a few points in order to find the right provider. Here are the main steps:

1. Decide what your goals are

The first step in choosing an online casino that suits your needs. The challenge is to know your requirements. In other words, you want to know what to expect from your online casino experience.
However, we should warn you - if your goal is to find a surefire way to win money with little effort, no online casino is going to suit you. Sure, you have payouts and odds that are similar to most live casinos. But all online casinos do an excellent job of thwarting potential advantage gamblers.

For example, you cannot count cards in an online casino. For the simple reason that more than 6 decks of cards are used in a casino. All online casinos have strict wagering requirements that make it almost impossible to take advantage of your sign-up bonuses.

And like any casino, virtual or not, all games have a mathematical advantage to the house that is embedded in the games. In the long run, this mathematical advantage is unbeatable. Knowing what your goals are with your online gambling is always the first step in making a good decision about where to gamble. In fact, we suggest that you take out a notepad and pen and take some notes about what you are hoping for your online casino experience.

2) Look at the software options

Most online casinos do not use proprietary software. You lease software from a company called an online casino gaming software company. Some of these software programs offer better games than others. Some of these software programs are terrible while others are good for certain games and bad for others.

Good names are NetEnt, Microgaming, Yggdrasil, NextGen and Evolution Gaming. But there are many more that are also recommended. But you should at least try them out before you decide on a casino, as not all casinos do

3) Check out the casino's withdrawal policy

Every gambling forum is guaranteed to have someone upset about blocked withdrawals. It's a problem that almost every player knows about. And the payout at online casinos has several factors to consider. For one thing, most online casinos allow you to reverse your outstanding payout. The longer you have this option, the worse it is. The reasons are if you have won money playing, you want to get your hands on that money asap.

4) Check out where the casino is licensed

Online casinos that accept players from Germany are usually licensed and regulated by governments, which may not necessarily protect casino customers as some governments do. The quasi-legal character of the online casino business - especially with regard to players from Germany - is the reason for this phenomenon.

Countries like Antigua, Costa Rica and Cyprus offer licenses with little control. This should not prevent you from opening an account at such an online casino.

5) The wagering requirements in the online casinos

When reading about a bonus, be it on a website, you will often notice the phrase "wagering requirements" followed by a number that usually reads as: "x35".

This number is the wagering requirement for this bonus. It tells you how many times you need to wager the bonus and sometimes even the first deposit and winnings from free spins before you can withdraw the money. When a player accepts a bonus - for example a 100% deposit bonus up to € 100 - they also accept that the bonus has wagering requirements.

In our previous example, the player must wager their € 100 bonus 35 times before the option to withdraw winnings becomes available. If you attempt to withdraw before this time, all bonus money will be forfeited. This corresponds to a total stake of 3,500 euros.

The wagering requirements of x35 are considered average for most casinos but are set at the discretion of each casino. The wagering requirements can be set to any amount between x5 and x50 or higher.

6) Pay attention to the restrictions in an online casino

In an online casino, you will encounter various restrictions that you will have to overcome. These include, for example, slots and live dealer tables that have a max bet. As a result, even if you have the feeling of a mega win, you cannot place infinitely high stakes. Casinos also place minimum bets. This is to prevent you from playing hundreds of rounds with just 1 cent.

Then each bonus must be implemented at least 35 times. That means if you get 20 euros you have to win 20 euros 35 times. If you have managed that, you can have the winnings paid out directly, unfortunately only a few players manage it.

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it - especially the pictures - but it was pretty hard-core about drugs. If you're squeemish about that, you should know that going in.

[Deyth Banger · Rating 5 out of 5]

"January 15, 2020 –
90.0% "Part 18
...

9:00"
January 14, 2020 –
80.0% "It's a great biographical story... nice one"
January 14, 2020 –
80.0% "Part 17/ 25:31"
January 12, 2020 –
60.0% "Part 13

2:20"
January 10, 2020 –
60.0% "Part 12

...

15:47"
January 10, 2020 –
60.0% "Chris Farley Stories... Artie Lange stories... great
...

If you are fan of the Chip Chipperson podcast you gonna love and this story..."
January 10, 2020 –
60.0% "Part 12 out of 19"
January 10, 2020 –
50.0% "10 out of 19
...
I like Artie Lange way of telling stories... great comedian... great story teller..."
January 10, 2020 –
50.0% "Artie Lange is one of my favourite comedians... the first book which I read by him was great... now moving on the next one."
May 16, 2019 –
50.0% "Btw, it could be ironical but the guy who narrates the story so far from the voice it sounds like Artie... I hope I right on that one!"
May 16, 2019 –
50.0% "Nothing is more interesting than hearing his story... who is behind Artie Lange?"
April 26, 2019 –
20.0% "6:44"
April 26, 2019 –
20.0% "Chapter 5

...
6/19 Parts"
April 21, 2019 – Shelved as: comedy
April 20, 2019 –
10.0% "10:41 out of 20:04"
April 20, 2019 –
10.0% "2 out of 19

...

If you act like own the place.... you can get away with anything!"
April 20, 2019 – Shelved
April 20, 2019 – Started Reading"

[Myra Romano · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's Artie. I freakin adore his self-absorbed East Coast shoreman running bets and self-harm like no one else. He made me laugh before Stern, he makes me laugh after Stern. He breaks my heart. His story is a blaring reminder of hard living and seriously even harder earned laughs. He has seen some crud and been through more. I get why he is who he is. He is hurting, but oh my gosh ARTIE, I miss hearing you every day on Stern. The book reveals more insight into him and his past and why he is how he is. He shares some fantastic stories of his early years and comic legends.

[Denise Toebes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Artie Lange since his Howard Stern days.
Loved his short lived podcast and could tell he was still struggling with his addiction. I hope someday we see the sober Artie.
As for the book review.
The gambling parts were boring to me. The stories, some new, mostly heard before.
As I said above, I hope someday we see sober Artie. This isn’t it.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pure Artie and his excellent co-author Anthony Bozza. He's a loveable trainwreck but he admits he is easily bored and loves the thrills. He has so far lived to 51. Hope he writes many more books, helping us all to escape the boredom.

[Dean Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as great as his first two books, but still a good read. Seems like more a book where Artie reflects on himself and has a "therapy" session while writing it. Probably therapeutic for him, but doesn't make for interesting material.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book. I love Artie’s messed up stories

[Eirik Hafskjold · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Arties stories. This is the weakest of his books, but still good. No stories from the Stern show might be why its not the best for me, but ... still good. The man is not right in the head.

[morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

Was an interesting book from Artie as usual. Lots of stories and humor. Quick read and left me wanting more.

[J · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's in a book so I don't feel bad about enjoying his failures. Artie went hard, he shares stories about addiction from gambling this time. I laughed out loud often.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know him from Stern’s show and Dirty Work. He relayed some Hollywood stories but focused the majority of the book on his ongoing addiction issues. It’s an interesting yet sad cautionary tale.

[Hailey Snider · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like listening to your terrible uncle talk for 6 hours about all his mistakes and edgy takes

[A Cesspool · Rating 2 out of 5]

Artie's third "...desperately-needs-that-book-advance-cheque-Now" autobiography.

You know Anthony Bozza instantly regretted agreeing to this after receiving that first .mp3 chapter of mobile dictation from Artie?

Shallow and ponderous at best.
Artie essentially insists he isn't broke and reveals how he once ripped-off friend colleague his career savior, Norm Macdonald of at least $120,000 in gambling winnings (owed) -- I note 'at least' that much, since Norm and his manager would eventually realize Artie and his close friend & bookie Bobo was, in all likelihood, keeping their gambling losings and winnings, for himself, from the get-go (shortly after finishing Dirty Work (1998) in Canada).
...this was well before he turned into a degenerate dope fiend

Albeit, should anyone thread Artie's shenanigans-timeline back from Too Fat to Fish, Artie reveals he squandered a l l his Mad TV savings (as well as his mother's Mad TV gifted-money) gambling. So by the time Norm came around with an offer to co-star in Dirty Work, he was dead broke (à la, inquiring into 'returning to cab driving'). Hence, his need to pilfer Norm's dough (after feeling they ripped him off 1st, only paying him $50,000 for Dirty Work -- regardless Artie and his agent initially happily agreed to... in consideration of aforementioned cab driver applications).

Artie insists his next biography is already written and on the cusp of publishing, but definitely won't be about selling nude pics of his sister, Stacey, to her high school / college boyfriends, for 81 stacks of dope.

[Jeff B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

With this book, I've now completed the Artie Lange trilogy. I read Too Fat to Fish over a decade ago and recently read Crash and Burn and have now finished this one. These are all fun books where you read Artie spinning his degenerate yarns of debauchery. I think maybe this one was my favorite.

With this book, I feel we get a more mature Artie Lange. He is still just as much of a degenerate, but it seems like he has come to terms with who he is - and accepted it's just who he is. The book does a masterful job of conveying his motivations for his self-destructive existence. For example, at one point he's explaining a lightning bet in basketball, and just reading it made me understand the high (or low) that can come along with one of these bets. In another part of the book, him and his friend decide to quit betting on football until he realizes that without betting, he doesn't really like football - or his friend.

He has somehow outlived many of his peers to live a crazy life with no regrets. Well, one regret - opioids. He tells one particular story about how he messed up his nose which was hard to read - it made me squeamish. In another part, he gives stats on how devastating the opioid epidemic has been. My eyes rolled for that part, but who knows, maybe it will help a younger reader.

Artie reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson in that he would be too much to be around day-to-day, but lives a life that is fun to read about in the safe space of my house. If Artie writes another book, I'll probably read that one, too.

[Jeremy Maddux · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Those lunches, which I have seen with my own eyes, were also worthy of study by scientists, because, for two dollars, you could get chicken sitting under fluorescent lights so harsh that you were able to see the veins and the connective tissue, and if you looked closely, you could trace the entire life cycle of the chicken. It was like those chickens were starring in the Albert Brooks film Defending Your Life in which the main character stands trial in the afterlife, justifying his fears and decisions in order to progress to the great beyond. Looking down on those once-living things, I could see it all: the chicken born, tortured, killed, cooked, and left to be examined by losers like me.'

Classic. Oh man, Artie, don't ever stop self destructing.

[Agus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Empece a leer este libro sin conocer nada sobre Artie Lange. Puedes estar de acuerdo, o no, en su filosofia de vida pero sin duda es una lectura interesante. Saber qué motiva a una persona que vive tan al limite, te da otra perspectiva. Hubo momentos un poco aburridos como cuando habla de un equipo de basketball, pero tambien momentos muy divertidos. En momentos puede sentirse un discurso un poco egocéntrico pero hay momentos que me erizaron la piel, como cuando le pidieron ir a entretener a las tropas o el final de libro que te deja un buen mensaje. Puntos extra por ser el primer libro completo que leo en Ingles.

[Josh · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 1/2.
It's essentially a long comedy bit written around the premise that he a gambling junkie. Everything he does, that would be conventionally regarded as "self-destructive," he does because he was bored and needed action.

It's funny, and incredibly easy to read in all the best ways. Yet I feel a little unsatisfied with how glib he is about the totally shitty things he did and how they affected other people.