How to Leave: Quitting the City and Coping with a New Reality

by Erin Clune

An uproarious memoir/tongue-in-cheek guide to leaving the cool city in which you "found" yourself and moving somewhere far more ordinary.

So you escaped whatever humdrum little town you grew up in and moved to The Big City. Maybe it was New York. Maybe it was Seattle or Kansas City. Wherever it was, there was amazing stuff everywhere you Ethiopian food! A movie theater that played documentaries! A hairstylist who knew what to do with frizz! You overlooked the proximity of your kitchen to your bed, and the fact that you had to take public transportation to see nature. But then you got a job offer you couldn't refuse. Or you developed asthma. Or you got pregnant. Or you got pregnant for the second time and you couldn't use your closet as a bedroom for two babies. And you decided you had to leave. When Frank Sinatra and Alicia Keys said that if you could make it in New York, you could make it anywhere, they probably weren't talking about whatever suburb you used to make fun of. Because it's hard to "make it" without world-class museums and gourmet food trucks. Erin Clune regales readers with priceless stories of her own experiences leaving New York for her hometown in Wisconsin, and provides a jocular but useful guide--for anyone leaving, or thinking about leaving, their own personal mecca--to finding contentment while staying true to yourself in a place far, far away from The City.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography

272 pages, Hardcover

Published October 9, 2018

Reviews

[emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

All I have to say about this, really, is that sh*t like this is why people hate New Yorkers.

It is hard to move to a new place and adjust to it, but you are not SUFFERING. Switching from the world’s most expensive city, where your children attend private schools and your husband is a high-powered lawyer, to a different kind of privilege in the Midwest is not all that sympathy-inducing.

I wish this author would move back to New York and just...stop complaining about it.

None of us forced you to move away. PLEASE STOP PUNISHING US FOR IT.

Bottom line: The first 15 pages of this were okay, and then nothing else was.

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treating myself to a good old-fashioned DNF.

there is just no way i can finish this book.

review to come / 2 stars

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probably not a good sign that i forgot i was reading this book

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mostly reading this right now because the title is funny, considering none of us can currently leave our houses

[Jessica (Odd and Bookish) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book for free through LibraryThing’s Early Reviewers.

This book did not start off very strong. I wasn’t really into it at first. I got about 50 pages in and was sort of “eh” about it. Part One consisted of a lot of rambling. There was no focus; just a bunch of random anecdotes that were all over the place. It also seemed like it was trying way too hard to be funny.

As the book progressed, it did get better. Once the author started writing about her new home in Wisconsin, there was more of a focus and some funny parts. For example, I did enjoy the bits about the culture shock.



I think the book had an interesting goal in mind: a tongue in cheek “guide” on how to leave a big city. However, I didn’t think this actually needed to be a whole book. The book seemed to repeat a lot of the same ideas about moving over and over again. There just wasn’t a lot of actual substance to warrant an actual book. The whole thing could have been consolidated into a couple of chapters in a larger memoir or even as a magazine editorial.

Overall, this was an interesting read that did have its moments, but would have been better off as a shorter work.

For more book reviews, be sure to check out my blog: https://oddandbookish.wordpress.com/

[Randal White · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author is a Wisconsin native, who moved to New York City. There she married, had two children, and spent a long, mostly happy time there. It was upon her children entering school age that she discovered the difficulties (admissions, financial, distances) of raising them in an ultra-competitive environment. Clune was fortunate enough to have the means to return to Wisconsin to be close to her family, even if she took a large financial hit.
That's the gist of the first part of the book. It's a little slow going at first, but, boy, does it get moving after that! As someone who was also born in Wisconsin, attended university in the city the author lives (Madison), and moved away to live in many different places (East Coast, Midwest, and West Coast), she nails the Wisconsin experience to a T!
Clune describes the four phases of culture shock: Honeymoon, Judgement, Adjustment, and Mastery. I could relate to each of the phases, and laughed my head off at her depictions of them. There is a lot of helpful advice for people here, not only for those moving to Wisconsin, but for anyone moving anywhere new and different.
Please allow me to hit just a few of the quirks the author pointed out that had my wife and I laughing about Wisconsin.
- TMI - no matter where you move, the people who live there will be annoyed to hear about how great other places are.
- Snarky comments - not appreciated in Wisconsin
- The use of the work "f**k". - ditto
- The use of the words "I'm sorry" to convey anger and displeasure
- Food - a HUGE thing! Especially dairy.
- Wisconsin Dells - you have to read the book to understand...I don't want to ruin it for you!
- Dress Code - "Badger-wear" (sporty red and white clothing advertising the local team) appears everywhere, and is even accepted as classy in fine-dining establishments. I would also add anything relating to the Green Bay Packers.
- Alcohol - in most places, when men become drunk and verbally abusive, it's called alcoholism....in Wisconsin it's called a hockey game.
- Roadkill, mole people, and religion.
There's so much fun in this book. Although, I wonder if the author will find that the people in her new hometown may not appreciate much of it! I hope so.
Highly recommend this book to make you smile!

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book disappointed me a great deal. I experienced culture shock when I moved from a college town in Indiana to the Los Angeles. It took me a long time to get used to the high prices of houses,
not having space between towns or cities and people running outside of stores to see it rain. Plus, Santa Claus wearing shorts in December. I was expecting something closer to my experience.

The author was born in Wisconsin and then lived in New York City until her husband was transferred to Wisconsin. She had become enamoured with New York was very reluctant to leave it. Most of the things that she was nostalgic over actually repulsed me. I can understand the wonder of being able to see plays, great museums but not over the tight competition of getting your children in the right private schools. Oh maybe she did not like either but she did seem to care about things that are not important to me.

Sometimes she write with humor but almost all the time she writes unneccessarliy in bad language, she often veers off subject. It was an easy read but I was happy when it ended.

I received an Advance Reading Copy of this book as a win from LibraryThing from the publishers in exchange for a fair book review. My thoughts and feelings in this review are totally my own.

[Emma Lavin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and thoughtful novel. Great for anyone contemplating a move.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what I would think about this book but was excited to read it because the author is coming to my January bookclub when we discuss it. I was pleasantly surprised. First...Erin has a great sense of humor. I was literally laughing out loud. Second, the book was more pertinent to me than I expected because I am moving this year also. From a small city to a small town in Wisconsin. I found the language a bit distracting (and I can swear like a sailor), just didn't think it added anything to the story. But, I'm from Wisconsin so maybe that explains it :-) I really chuckled at the part of the book where Erin explained she needed to clean up her language/f bombs for the Wisconsin crowd. I'd say that's still a work in progress!

[Susan Emmet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found Clune's sort of memoir uneven in tone and level of advice.
Much here to chew on and much sardonic wit.
But the level of judgment often precludes humor, making her "take" on things questionable.
Of course a big move is a big deal as is getting hung up on once-road-raging anger.
Sometimes waspish, sometimes dead-on, sometimes just mewling and needy.
What I liked was her detailing, her back and forth about there and here. And about learning to live where you are without utterly flipping out. Except sometimes!

[Margie Dewind · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny and I think I would have liked it even if I didn't know the author's parents.

[Rae · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an advance copy of this book.

I was excited to read this book because the blurb sounded funny and relatable, and because I’m on the verge of a big move myself. The book starts out rough, to the point where I wasn’t sure whether it was intended as a humorous extended essay or a sarcastic self help book, or maybe some mixture of both. The author’s voice throughout the book is unlikeable, grating, and surprisingly not relatable. I say surprisingly because the half of the book’s premise (making it in the big city) is a common trope.

The author relies heavily on what is intended to be ironic “modern” speech, a device that she can’t quite pull off satisfactorily. Like your sassy, kinda mean friend who ironically calls you Bitch when she invites you to that new brunch spot.

I appreciated the author’s attempts at writing through unexpected change, but couldn’t understand why she insisted on saying that she was moving because her family had “failed” to make it in the big city. And implores the reader to ask themselves if and how they have failed to make it in their current situation. Even under the guise of a satirical self-help book, why pound so heavily on the idea of failure? She also touches on the idea of finding the place that matches your identity, but muddles this into the talk of failing.

I wanted to like this book more, but I think it missed the mark.

[Dr. Sabrina Molden · Rating 2 out of 5]

These days, I stop reading books that I dislike. However, I continued with this one all the way to the Afterword since I received it as an Early Reviewer for Library Thing! Wow, was I shocked. In the Afterword, the author acknowledged my major criticisms of the book and identified how they could have been rectified. Why did they continue with the publishing? One major concern was how judgmental she was in general, about New Yorkers, about Midwesterners, about moving and movers. As she herself noted, this book would have read better as a memoir, with her acknowledging that she was sharing her own personal viewpoints and experiences. She did a poor job with her attempts at self-help for movers. Her recommendations were simplistic and obvious to anyone with any bit of social judgment or psychological insight. It was if she perceived her reading audience, whom she repeatedly called “Reader” (which was unnerving) as being ignorant. I chose this book because of my interest in this topic. Opposed to the author’s presumptions about the negativity of moves, my move from my hometown in my 60s has been a marvelous experience and I was wanting to learn more about why this has been so. I bet she could write a great memoir. I recommend for her to do that next time.

[Stefi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book because the title was appealing to me at this moment in my life, as I’m sure it will be to future readers. I guess I was looking more for a self-help type of book, but what I got was a sassy memoir that I sort of could relate to. I don’t think the author meant to come off as bitter and sarcastic as she does, but she is, after all, a Former New Yorker...and don’t get me wrong, I like a bitter and sarcastic book as much as the next person, but I just wasn’t feeling her vibe. Perhaps because she looked at moving away from NY as a failure instead of a new adventure, or maybe I just started getting sick of her many tangents that didn’t necessarily add to anything she was retelling. All I know is that I really wanted to like the book, but I was left with a feeling of melancholy and indifference when I finished. Did I learn anything new? Just that I would’ve never survived as a New Yorker!

Thanks NetGalley for the ARC!

[Jay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don’t believe this author. If you are white and have money (as she is and does), Madison is an absolute playground. Also I think the “wooded village” she describes is Shorewood Hills, which has an average family yearly income of at least $150k. I finished the book because I tend to finish books, but I have no more time in my life to listen to overprivileged people complain. How much reasonable culture shock is a person gonna have moving back to where they grew up?

[Joan Irey · Rating 1 out of 5]

It sounded like it might be a humorous look at leaving one place for another. But the author came off as arrogant and condescending to her new community. Really turned me off to the book but convinced me our decision to leave the DC area was right because of people like her.

[Matt Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

My only regreat about Erin Clune’s How to Leave is that I didn’t read it sooner.

First, it is one of the funniest books I have ever read, and in that category I place Me Talk Pretty One Day and Don Quixote. I smiled repeatedly, frequently giggled, and laughed out loud many times. In particular, Clune has a gift for picking the right detail to invoke the whole, like, for instance, the crockpot and the grill, to show the sole ways in which Wisconsites prepare their meals, depending on the season. There are lots of keen observations about food as well, whether the oysters she misses in New York or the meat grills of Wisconsin.

HTL is also very well written. Consistent with the obvious humor in her writing, Clune’s sense of rhythm and timing is thoroughly thought through and considered. Not surprisingly, her prose plays well when read aloud. Above all else, she cares about connecting with her reader and has the chops to make it happen.

Finally, this is not merely a fun book to read. It’s also filled with hard won realizations about family, career, and expectations for how your life might turn out. There’s real gravity in the conclusions she draws that are not lessened by all the humor. Instead, the humor and the realizations together offer an attitude for meeting life’s challenges that comes across as admirable and authentic.

[Jan P · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book as an ARC and am providing an honest review. Having lived in NYC for seven years and in several other states and a foreign country, I was intrigued by Erin Clune's story of moving from NYC to small town Madison, WI (where she grew up and still had family). Having found my paradise on earth five years ago, her tips and hints on assimilating in a new place were not of use to me; however, I found similarities with my past moves. What I loved was her (sometimes raunchy) style of writing and her humor. She is a funny lady and makes the book an enjoyable read. To be honest, see seemed more like a born and bred New Yorker than she did a girl raised in Madison, WI. So what I loved most about the book was the way she became a New Yorker with that love/hate relationship I know so well. And the angst about should I stay or should I go. I could identify with all that. And the fact that wherever I have moved to, most of my good friends also came from "away". Yet, she and her family made the right move at the right time for them and have also made themselves part of the community. The book is funny and thoughtful.

[Shelley Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Leave is a memoir/self-help book that the author also calls "a real-talk manual about moving". With truly laugh out loud zings, you get a glimpse of life in NYC (i.e. Twinkie sized water bugs), and what it's like to leave a big, cosmopolitan city for someplace - any place smaller. "You can't simply leave New York - you have to quit New York." Examples of people in Seattle, San Francisco, Denver, and her own move to Madison, WI explains some of the ups and downs. You can love something and hate it at the same time. The book has 4 parts: Deciding to Go, Settling In, Learning to Adapt, and Mastery. Each page has hilarious insight and a wonderful use of the New York "f-bomb". You'll discover how to tell when you've reached your tipping point and what to do when Reverse Culture Shock hits you in a return to the motherland. Also, why don't Midwesterners do dark humor? "Buckle Up, Buttercup" because this is a fantastically funny read!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this through a Librarything Early Reviewer’s giveaway.

What an interesting read! The author is relatable, down to earth, and my kinda girl. She grew up in Madison, Wisconsin and moved to NYC to “make it.” More than a decade later, she decides to move back to her hometown. I relate to Erin Clune-I also grew up in a small town in the Midwest and moved away (to a bigger metro are) as quickly as possible. I was interested to read this as someone contemplating a bigger move, across half the country. Ms. Clune highlights the struggles she and others have faced in moving away from a place they loved because it makes sense. She lays out the good and the bad hilariously, with many antidotes along the way. I would recommend this to anyone who knows a struggle move is ahead. Especially if they grew up in the Midwest.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are about to leave, thinking of leaving and or already in the new location, this book might soothe your balm for any regrets, frustration, and nostalgia. Erin provides that ascerbic dry humour you will need to settle in but also fight with. It is a chuckle fest of culture clashes and what you value the most in terms of behaviour, dress, and child-rearing. She is the voice that everyone has but cannot say for fear of hurting another. But we do need to say it out loud to keep our sanity! There are moments of fun, idiocy, whining, and tantrums. At the end of the day, we all need to laugh at ourselves and accept the differences. It is amazing how the USA has a diverse internal culture difference. A good light read if you are in between sober novels.

[Lexy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just...no. sounded fun cause I'm moving cross country one of these damn days so thought, why not. Oof.
This screeeeeams white privilege. The author does address that but it that doesn't mean she stops doing it or sounding like an a hole.
Her writing is supposed to be cute but I just was rolling my eyes while reading and kind of hated reading this. The book is kiiind of interesting, but I didnt really take much away from it.
Plus the author kinda drags Wisconsin and the Midwest for most of this. Look, I get it. Midwestern folks are a different breed. I'm one of them but we're not plain clothes idiots. We understand sarcasm and say "fuck" too. She kept coming off like the self absorbed New Yorker she became as an adult, but that's also confusing cause she was raised in the Midwest. Wtf.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I gave it 3 stars although I almost quit after the first chapter. The author's background is in stand up comedy? either writing for comics? Anyway, it starts with a lot of shtick. New York City is the Big Apple, no argument, but Madison Wisconsin is far from Hooterville. She refers to it as rural and she lost me.
Either I got used to her tone or her style settles down because she really has some astute commentary on uprooting one's self and making new friends and new lives. She divides the moving experience to honeymoon, culture shock, adjustment and mastery. Clune doesn't stick to her own story of New York to Madison, but includes others' experiences of uprooting to different parts of the U.S. and keeps it light.
I am glad I read it.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The humor in this book is really urban and really sardonic and usually quite wonderful except when it is horrifyingly off putting especially when it trivializes some things. It reads a lot like a journal. A good commit and contrast of living in different places and how to deal with those sorts of changes.

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book because the description I read lead me to believe it was going to be humorous. I was disappointed in this book and had a hard time staying interested in it.

Reviews on Amazon, Alibris, Barnes & Noble are under pen name toReadistoEscape

[Sherrie Howey · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought it was fairly judgmental . I thought parts of it were funny but it seemed to jump all over the place with a lack of cohesion. Wasn't what I expected.

[Mary Northrup · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh-out-loud funny. Clune moves from NYC to Madison, WI, but anyone could enjoy this, even if you have never relocated.

[Nattha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Irritating

[Ingrid · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in less than 24 hours as I stumbled upon this the afternoon before I was moving out and away. In some sense, from the title of the book, I thought it would be more of a self help (help me!) type of book. However, it's more like 80% a memoir and 20% kinda self help you glean through the pages.

Clune moves away from NYC to Wisconsin where she experiences the culture shock that comes with moving into the suburbs especially not in one of the coastal states. I found her comparisons and examples she had of New York actually really funny and very relatable. However, that was kinda of the end of the relatable part. It's also a little all of the place and only 10% is about "How to Leave" because she leaves real quick. It should be titled: "How I Dealt with Moving to Wisconsin from NYC."

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

🌟🌟.5/5
I really wanted to love this one but it was just OK for me. It is a humour-memoir, and I was very intrigued by the premis. The idea of leaving the big city to live somewhere with a smalltown atmosphere. Being a smalltown girl myself. There were parts I enjoyed and found funny and could relate to and some parts I found rambled a bit and were kind of all over the place. Overall left me feeling a bit disinterested.

Thank you to the publisher for sending it to me for an honest review.
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[Noël · Rating 3 out of 5]

2025 review: This is a re-read for me. Since my last reading I have moved from NYC to PA to WI, so I was hoping to get more out of it this time around. I will say the Wisconsin jokes and anecdotes hit more, but I still found it a bit meh and not as universal as the author probably intended.

2020 review: As a New Yorker, I laughed out loud in many parts of this book. I enjoyed her sarcasm and love for Zabar's and trench coats. However, I can see why other reviewers found it snobby or elitist, as many of her jokes and references were pretty meta.

What made this a meh rating for me was the writing-it was a bit uneven and at times it felt like she forgot about the whole self-help/guide concept.

[Colleen Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Erin Clune's HOW TO LEAVE is not just for people who are moving now or have moved recently! Her laugh-out-loud stories, observations and advice could be useful for anyone adjusting to new situations or making a life transition. I particularly enjoyed the audio book* and Ms. Clune's reading, which made it feel like I was getting life wisdom from a funny, insightful friend.

(*Though don't listen with kids around! Ms. Clune peppers her writing with well-placed profanity.)