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The Shift: How Seeing People as People Changes Everything
A vivid depiction and real-world example of the personal and institutional impact of the Arbinger Insititute's transformative ideas (Leadership and Self-Deception; 1.4 million copies sold) within a healthcare organization--The HG nursing homes. In general, nursing homes are scorned healthcare institutions--but it was in these transformed HG homes that Kimberly White discovered a new way of "seeing" people and underwent her own personal transformation. Both HG and White shifted their perspective and mindset based on their adoption of The Arbinger Institute's basic principles.
Without realizing it, we tend to treat people as objects. We see them solely in terms of their usefulness to us. This invites tension and conflict, and changing this mindset is at the heart of the Arbinger Institute's work. This book is a moving true story of an unhappy woman whose life and family were transformed when she began researching how Arbinger's ideas were being implemented in nursing homes. Kimberly White was astonished to discover that those who choose to care for the elderly and ill, earning low pay in a maligned industry, were nevertheless full of satisfaction, compassion and love because of their ability to see their patients as real and true and valuable people. White's research became a personal exploration of how to see the people in her own life as people in that same profound way. When she did, everything in her life and her world changed--and the reader's will too.
Without realizing it, we tend to treat people as objects. We see them solely in terms of their usefulness to us. This invites tension and conflict, and changing this mindset is at the heart of the Arbinger Institute's work. This book is a moving true story of an unhappy woman whose life and family were transformed when she began researching how Arbinger's ideas were being implemented in nursing homes. Kimberly White was astonished to discover that those who choose to care for the elderly and ill, earning low pay in a maligned industry, were nevertheless full of satisfaction, compassion and love because of their ability to see their patients as real and true and valuable people. White's research became a personal exploration of how to see the people in her own life as people in that same profound way. When she did, everything in her life and her world changed--and the reader's will too.
240 pages, Paperback
Published June 5, 2018
33 people are currently reading
186 people want to read
About the author
Kimberly White
1 book6 followersKimberly White is a former Manhattanite now living in a tiny farm town in the Midwest. She wrote The Shift after having a life-changing experience researching a nursing home company. She earns her keep as a writer and public speaker, sharing the lessons she learned about how to see others as they truly are.
She is married to the funniest man in the world, and mother to a brood of endlessly amusing children. She is willing to adopt pretty much any well-behaved pet and will believe anyone who tells her chocolate is healthy.
Kimberly loves to hear from readers. You can reach her at author@kimberlywhitebooks.com with questions, stories, suggestions, and gently-worded insults.
She is married to the funniest man in the world, and mother to a brood of endlessly amusing children. She is willing to adopt pretty much any well-behaved pet and will believe anyone who tells her chocolate is healthy.
Kimberly loves to hear from readers. You can reach her at author@kimberlywhitebooks.com with questions, stories, suggestions, and gently-worded insults.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
September 25, 2018
As far as years go, 2018 has been my least favorite. I'd had a very great friendship dissolve rather unceremoniously after 25 years and I'd spent the first half of the year unable to cope as a human being (friends DO come and go...this one HURT). I had a VERY hard time doing anything but blaming the other person. This book came to me at the right time.
The book itself talks a good deal about the nursing home industry, and that's indeed how the book came to be. But through a particular management philosophy, The Shift details a way to look at the world and the people in it that, I feel, can be completely transforming. I've just finished the book, but I've been spending the last two weeks while reading it trying to adhere to the fundamental ask of the book: Don't see people as objects, see people as people. The author must have gotten paid per mention of the former sentence, because it's said at least twice per page. At first I found it funny, then I realized somewhere around page 100 that I didn't really know what it had meant and how it applied to me and I'd read it dozens of times by then. It took me that long to get it through my head.
In my lost friendship (and the aftermath) I couldn't see my friend as a person. I'd stopped seeing them as a person months if not a few years before. I could sense that they only saw me as an object (we're all good at seeing that).
The Shift makes the case that you aren't trying to use this superpower for your own purposes--don't Shift to make other people behave better--rather operate as if other people are all complex beings with their own rich lives and histories and your perception of everyone and everything will change. As the book says, "No situation has ever been made worse by introducing compassion into it."
It's had an interestingly calming effect on me. I know I'm pretty stubborn and as I get older I have a harder time of seeing the world outside of my own perspective. But I'm going to try. This book is a great motivator to "be the person you needed." We can all use a bit of that.
The book itself talks a good deal about the nursing home industry, and that's indeed how the book came to be. But through a particular management philosophy, The Shift details a way to look at the world and the people in it that, I feel, can be completely transforming. I've just finished the book, but I've been spending the last two weeks while reading it trying to adhere to the fundamental ask of the book: Don't see people as objects, see people as people. The author must have gotten paid per mention of the former sentence, because it's said at least twice per page. At first I found it funny, then I realized somewhere around page 100 that I didn't really know what it had meant and how it applied to me and I'd read it dozens of times by then. It took me that long to get it through my head.
In my lost friendship (and the aftermath) I couldn't see my friend as a person. I'd stopped seeing them as a person months if not a few years before. I could sense that they only saw me as an object (we're all good at seeing that).
The Shift makes the case that you aren't trying to use this superpower for your own purposes--don't Shift to make other people behave better--rather operate as if other people are all complex beings with their own rich lives and histories and your perception of everyone and everything will change. As the book says, "No situation has ever been made worse by introducing compassion into it."
It's had an interestingly calming effect on me. I know I'm pretty stubborn and as I get older I have a harder time of seeing the world outside of my own perspective. But I'm going to try. This book is a great motivator to "be the person you needed." We can all use a bit of that.
June 14, 2021
I’ve practiced what this author preaches and it works. If lived by, the principles in this book will make anyone a better person than they already are. It’s not possible to live this way every moment, but why not do so a little more often?
July 8, 2021
This was a great book. I thought it would just be a book about geriatric care, but it turned into a great marriage self help book. Would highly recommend!
September 27, 2021
Great info. It reminded me of other books by the Arbinger Institute--the storytelling feels a little forced to me, but the insights are gems.
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September 8, 2023read for a class, liked it!
October 12, 2018
I finished The Shift a few weeks ago and have been trying to figure out just what to say about it, but I’m still conflicted. The concept of The Shift, seeing people as people, is important—crucial even—and life-changing. But I simply didn’t enjoy reading it, and I can’t quite figure out why.
I was already on board with the concept of seeing people as people, so I didn’t feel that I needed the first several chapters where the author tries to convince us that the shift is a real thing and not just putting on rose-colored glasses. I got a little impatient, but I understand why those chapters were there.
I’m also a little tired of nursing homes by now. Maybe I needed more examples outside of that environment of people having shifted. I fully recognize that one point of the book was to show how the Arbinger Institute’s principles work in such an environment, but what does the shift look like when the workers go home? They are fulfilled in their jobs, but how did they deal with a frustrating family member? The author shares very briefly her experience, but it was sort of miraculous that she shifted seemingly easily. (It might not have actually been easy, but that is how it came across.) Maybe I just need more of the meat of the how-to or navigating difficult emotions when I don’t have a job to motivate me to see people as people or how to see them as people when I physically can’t be around various people and spend time with them, which is the first key to shifting. What about people who have caused excessive hurt? The answer is the same (they’re people, too), but you have a lot more to work through than an ailing and vulnerable nursing home patient that didn’t destroy personal relationships or a business, etc.
All in all, as I said, I feel like the concept of The Shift is needed in all our lives, and I’m glad I read it even with my frustrations. It is something that will stick with me, and I hope I can continue to internalize these principles to enjoy others more fully.
I was already on board with the concept of seeing people as people, so I didn’t feel that I needed the first several chapters where the author tries to convince us that the shift is a real thing and not just putting on rose-colored glasses. I got a little impatient, but I understand why those chapters were there.
I’m also a little tired of nursing homes by now. Maybe I needed more examples outside of that environment of people having shifted. I fully recognize that one point of the book was to show how the Arbinger Institute’s principles work in such an environment, but what does the shift look like when the workers go home? They are fulfilled in their jobs, but how did they deal with a frustrating family member? The author shares very briefly her experience, but it was sort of miraculous that she shifted seemingly easily. (It might not have actually been easy, but that is how it came across.) Maybe I just need more of the meat of the how-to or navigating difficult emotions when I don’t have a job to motivate me to see people as people or how to see them as people when I physically can’t be around various people and spend time with them, which is the first key to shifting. What about people who have caused excessive hurt? The answer is the same (they’re people, too), but you have a lot more to work through than an ailing and vulnerable nursing home patient that didn’t destroy personal relationships or a business, etc.
All in all, as I said, I feel like the concept of The Shift is needed in all our lives, and I’m glad I read it even with my frustrations. It is something that will stick with me, and I hope I can continue to internalize these principles to enjoy others more fully.
November 8, 2023
First, I’ll note that a big part of why I didn’t like this book or get much of out of it is laid bare in the title, The Shift: How Seeing People as People Changes Everything – it isn’t, The Shift: How TO See People as People. I don’t need to be convinced that seeing people for who they are is of value. What I wanted and hoped for, was methods and techniques to bring a person into the moment and help them to see people this way. Other than two questions she invites readers to ask (How are you a problem to someone else? And What makes this difficult for you?) and telling folks to take the other person’s perspective and to see their troublesome behavior as evidence of a struggle, there isn’t much to apply. Again, part of this is on me – I read this book for work to help colleagues with their relationships in the office so it is a bit like buying a caramel and blaming it for not being a marshmallow but, it also really felt like this could have an article.
I appreciated the author’s vulnerability when she spoke of her mistakes in her marriage and how shifting her actions changed her relationship.
At the end of the day, if you want to be convinced of the value of seeing and treating people with respect and curiosity, this book is a start.
I appreciated the author’s vulnerability when she spoke of her mistakes in her marriage and how shifting her actions changed her relationship.
At the end of the day, if you want to be convinced of the value of seeing and treating people with respect and curiosity, this book is a start.
June 22, 2018
This was a short and interesting read on seeing people as people. At first I felt as though Pollyanna had come back an d wrote a book. It seemed unrealistic but as I listened I sensed the sincereness of the author and that she understood shifting our mindsets to seeing people as people is no easy task to be activated by changing behavior but instead changing hearts. She talked about her own walk in life and shifting her own mindset. She also used her research of nursing homes where this mindset shift to seeing people as people was part of the organizational climate and made meaning and last impacts for those facing the end of life. And throughout history we have seen these types of folks overcome their self absorption and see people’s value and respect that. They are seeming rare but they often have a huge impact and influence because they were able to see people as people. This allows compassion for others to manifest itself, if we are willing to shift our minds outward towards others.
A very good book that got me to thinking about myself and how I could use some work in this area. Perhaps it will get you to think about it as well.
A very good book that got me to thinking about myself and how I could use some work in this area. Perhaps it will get you to think about it as well.
March 22, 2019
Another solid entry in the collection of books related to the Arbinger Institute’s materials and approaches to relationships and organizational culture. This one follows a researcher as she examines the social underpinnings of a nursing home. This place is special, however, because it has been designed from the ground up by Arbinger Institute philosophy. Succinctly, everyone is trained to see one another as people.
It seems so simple and self-definitional that pointing out this idea hardly seems necessary, but it is astounding to contemplate the degree to which social roles, job titles, client/vendor dichotomy, and bureaucracy have created a meta-structure over our humanness, such that we default to see each other as objects.
The most significant part of observing this nursing home, for the author, is the impact it has on her personal and family life, where she realizes her contribution to marital strains.
The key principles, as presented and outlined in this book, are experiencing a shift by: (1) paying attention (2) looking through others’ eyes, (3) dealing with when you’re still a jerk, and (4) staying shifted.
Our humanity and the resolution to our interpersonal difficulties are all found when we yield to the truth of the inner reality of others.
It seems so simple and self-definitional that pointing out this idea hardly seems necessary, but it is astounding to contemplate the degree to which social roles, job titles, client/vendor dichotomy, and bureaucracy have created a meta-structure over our humanness, such that we default to see each other as objects.
The most significant part of observing this nursing home, for the author, is the impact it has on her personal and family life, where she realizes her contribution to marital strains.
The key principles, as presented and outlined in this book, are experiencing a shift by: (1) paying attention (2) looking through others’ eyes, (3) dealing with when you’re still a jerk, and (4) staying shifted.
Our humanity and the resolution to our interpersonal difficulties are all found when we yield to the truth of the inner reality of others.
August 13, 2018
The Shift can change how you see others, how you approach your job and those around you, and impact your daily life. I said “can” because that all depends on your mindset.
You can also read this book without self-reflection and still enjoy the stories of those within, and come away with a different point of view for those working in skilled nursing facilities.
But if you’re willing to follow Kimberly along for the ride and think of times you’ve come up short, where you’ve been more concerned with an output than the person producing it, you will see the roadmap to seeing people as people. And you’ll be thankful for it.
You can also read this book without self-reflection and still enjoy the stories of those within, and come away with a different point of view for those working in skilled nursing facilities.
But if you’re willing to follow Kimberly along for the ride and think of times you’ve come up short, where you’ve been more concerned with an output than the person producing it, you will see the roadmap to seeing people as people. And you’ll be thankful for it.
June 5, 2018
How am I a problem for others?” and “What makes this hard for you?” Two wonderful questions that the author brings to light in The Shift. I’ve had these questions in my brain but never realized how to verbalize them. The Shift has changed my perspective and softened my heart. Even if someone’s views differ from yours, they still have something important to contribute because they matter as people.
June 8, 2018
The stories in this book were very compelling. Some made me laugh and some made me cry. The message of the book was beautiful and relatable to any relationships one may have, whether it be a co-worker, a friend, or a spouse. It can be life changing if you apply it. I really enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it!
August 10, 2018
The perspective I gained about myself and nursing homes by reading this book amazed me! Thank you, Kimberly White, for sharing so many inspiring stories and being so honest about your life and how loving others and always serving others is a key in finding happiness. This book stirred my emotions and gave me hope in people and their capacity to love!!! Awesome read!!!!
February 28, 2019
If you work in any type if facility that is primarily residence for anyone or if you have loved ones in a facility, read this book! I'd like to think I'm pretty good about treating others like people but this book made me re-evaluate some of my responses and really hit home for me in both my professional career and my personal life.
January 31, 2021
Part leadership/communication case study (Outward Mindset/Arbinger), part memoir as the author is surprised by the changes in her life as she applies what she has learned in profiling the company. I am fascinated by Outward Mindset, which I see as a secular approach to how Jesus demonstrates loving one another, and can be applied at work and at home.
July 9, 2025
I have mixed feelings about this book. Overall, I think it has a great message that it succeeds in telling, but there are some things that rub me the wrong way and a few points made by the author that I flat out disagree with. I would definitely recommend this book, as I think it provides a great conversation topic (which I’m very glad about because this was a read for book club!).
June 26, 2020
Great book for those who think they’re suffering all the time
The world could be change just based on how we see others. Everyone is uniquely beautiful as they are so we should see and accept who they are.
The world could be change just based on how we see others. Everyone is uniquely beautiful as they are so we should see and accept who they are.
August 14, 2025
a great reminder with real life examples and data to encourage all of us to show up better in our life for those around us and how to prioritize our focus to benefit ourselves, our coworkers, our peers, and everyone we come in contact with.
September 14, 2018
Some of the stories brought me to tears. A very moving book about loving people as people.
October 27, 2018
Want to know how to improve EVERY relationship in your life? Read this book.
September 2, 2019
Not a bad read about an old aged home doing business differently. It was also more about looking at people as people. Audiobook.
May 27, 2020
Excellent book on how you see people changes how you treat them. Very thought provoking and touching. I'd recommend it to everybody!
August 19, 2021
Great anecdotes and insights for how to remove barriers in relationships that are stuck in conflict, resentment, competition, etc
June 30, 2018
Full disclosure, Kim is a dear friend so I can't possibly form anything close to an objective opinion of her book. I'm glad she wrote a book, because she is very good at it, and I hope she writes more.
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October 15, 2018A great 'make you think' book. This world we live in today needs to 'shift'.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews