April 2, 2012:
I begin this book with both eagerness and trepidation. The year is 1961. Saul Indian Horse, Indian boy, is 8 years old. I, little white girl, would have been 7. Inevitably, he and I would have crossed paths as we travelled in different circles over the same land and waters. His home. My home. He feared the residential school. I wanted to go there.
April 3, 2012:
It's true. I wanted to attend the Indian Residential School that my family drove past many, many times on the way to visit my great auntie in the old folks home in Kenora. What did I know, I was seven.
Five decades have passed since then and I'm not sure now how much of my memories are based in reality or are imagined. I have, since the Truth and Reconciliation hearings in Winnipeg a couple of years ago, tried to match the school of my memories with the photos that have been gathered. None of the photos match with those of my memory. Nevertheless, my memory of the school is clear. I can see the school in my mind's eye now.
It was a red brick building built on a rise of land, set back from the road, with a backdrop of thick lush-green brush and tall evergreens reaching into the sky. A swing set and teeter-totter beckoned from one side. Yet rarely, perhaps only once or twice, did I ever see children playing on those swings. I wanted to play on those swings. I wanted to play with the children that I imagined attended the school. I would ask my parents questions about this school each and every time we passed it. I learned that only Indian children were "allowed" to attend school there. Not fair. When I said that I wished I could go to school there, my mother said that no, I would not like it there, that the Indian children did not get to go home after school every day or for lunch, that they didn't even get to go home on weekends; that they lived there away from their families. At the time, I was the eldest of four children. I had two sisters and a brother and thought that I would not mind at all living away from them. And anyway, I defiantly said to my mother, if I wanted to go home, I would just go and if the Indian kids wanted to go home, they could just go too and nobody could stop us.
What did I know, I was seven. I wonder now how much my parents knew then about what went on in the residential schools. I wonder how much my grandparents knew.
I want to believe that they did not know. But, based on what I now know, I wonder how they could not. How I could not.
I have been paying attention.
I have always been interested in and sympathetic to the struggles of aboriginal peoples.
I'd read Heather Robertson's Reservations Are For Indians in my late teens and was saddened by the truth of it. I had wanted to attend and show my support for the "Indians" at Anicinabe Park in 1974. I was convinced not to go by my parents who wondered just what on earth I had to offer and suggested I owed it to my own then 2 year old child not to go and get shot. So I didn't go. I did go the day after everyone had cleared out though. I don't know why. Perhaps I thought that if I just went there answers would come to me from some other plane. I walked around. I sat. But all I saw was a spot of flattened grass and, on the shore, a big fish. Master Angler size. But dead. White and bloated.
I don't know exactly how or when I cottoned on to the extent of the damage done by residential schools. Certainly in my early twenties, it appeared to me that the "Indian problem" (and if you are born and raised in Kenora, it was the "Indian" problem) was largely an economic one. We stole their land and way of life, gave them a piece of rubble to live on and said, what's wrong with you? Pull up your socks and do something for yourself. I remember wanting to help. I remember spirited discussions with a couple of "militant" young aboriginal women (at parties where we all ended up drunk as skunks, and me about as wise) on the subject of self-government where they told me, not unkindly but in no uncertain terms, that the Indians did not want my bleeding-heart help. The likes of me had done enough already. I do not remember any talk of the effect of residential schools at that time. Although surely these two women would have had something to say. Or was I not listening?
Perhaps I learned like all Canadians have, or should have by now, through newspaper articles and newsreel bits about this atrocity or that meted out by this now old priest or that one. I can say that a lot has all been brought home to me in my own career as a lawyer. Sometimes I represent parents whose children have been seized by CFS. Sometimes I represent the very children who have been seized or, in proper terms, apprehended. Yes, apprehended. Like they are the criminals. They are so beautiful and they just want to be loved and you know their parents don't know how. And you just want to take those children home and love them yourself, but you know that is not the answer. And you hope that one of their grannies comes to rescue them because it seems it is always the grannies who feel and assume the responsibility and with whom the kids have the best chance.
Regardless, by the time of the Truth and Reconciliation hearings in Winnipeg, I thought that I knew all, or at least enough, of what I needed to know. I went not because I thought there was something new to learn, but because I wanted to show respect, to listen. If I was one white face among a few or many, I wanted the story tellers to know that someone was listening, that their stories were being heard. I thought I knew enough. And yet I wept, my tears flowing down my face unabated into my shirt collar. And I was not the only one.
Had I not been paying attention?
April 7, 2012
I finished reading this book on April 4th, 3 days ago, and have struggled to put my thoughts down here since then. I have, as you will have seen if you are still reading, allowed myself a lot of blather about myself and how I got to this point in time. In fact I wrote a lot more, about the respect my own father taught me for nature and for other people and the "Indian" way of life; about my little Indian friend with whom I played on his reserve; and that despite all of the racism that did exist back in the 60s, there was also kindness, humanity, and respect among the white and aboriginal people that I knew; and, what the hell, I blathered on about my entire family's love of hockey too. I deleted most of it because I know anyone reading this is not really interested and it seemed like all too much self aggrandizement. Yet somehow I think there is a point to my doing it. And that is because I think that most people, white folks anyway, will come to this work of fiction in much the same way as I did. Thinking we've heard and read enough; that we know the story now; that we were not individually, personally, responsible; that yes some bad things, some very bad things, happened and we really really wish they hadn't, but those things are in the past. The Prime Minister of Canada has apologized on behalf of us all. What more can be done? Individually? Together? Or, is it up to aboriginal people to heal themselves now?
So I was eager to read Indian Horse. I think that fiction has a far greater power to fully engage the reader than something like a newspaper article. The "news" might be accurate, educational, and shocking even, but once it has been read or viewed and perhaps clucked over a bit, it is over. That thing happened. How terrible. But it did not happen to me. It's over. Done. Time to move on. A story is different. A novel is not just a moment in time but a lifetime. The reader lives it. Lives and breathes it. No matter what the author intended, a story lived and breathed by the reader become his story, part of him.
And authors are often visionaries, our canaries in the coal mine, our scouts. They can see our world for what it is and where it is going and warn us and guide us.
There's a blurb, right on the front cover of this book, by Kathleen Winter: "Indian Horse is a force for healing in our beautiful, broken world." How could I not want to read such a book? If Kathleen Winter is right, how could any Canadian not want to read such a book?
And so I read.
Saul Indian Horse introduced himself to me as the son of John Indian Horse and Mary Mandamin, grandson of Solomon, member of the Fish Clan of the northern Ojibway, the Anishinabeg as they call themselves and whose people made their home along the Winnipeg River. His home. My home. I know Saul Indian Horse intimately already because he has seen, tasted, heard, smelled, touched, trod upon and breathed the very country that flows as life's blood through me. I care about him.
I suspect that I would have cared for Saul despite the coincidental connection to the land in which I was born and raised and that is due to another connection that we all have and which the author so adeptly captures. It is the tiny world of the child. The world is pretty small when you are a child, no matter how much ground you might cover. At least the safe world is, the world in which you belong, the world in which people care about you. You may well have an idea that there is a bigger world out there but it is defined by how your family sees it and for Saul's family the bigger world, the non-Indian world, is a place to be feared.
I am intrigued by Saul's name. How did this child end up with "Indian" in his own name. He tells us but, my first thought was that you might be able to change Mark Twain's niggers to slaves but you can't change a kid's name on him. Surely, Saul will never be "Saul Aboriginal Horse". But clearly, Saul has already been affected by the white man's presence. While I am romanced by Saul's talk of his people's history: the old ones, the legends, Aki (mother earth) and being at home in the places that the Zhaunagush (white man)feared, for some reason his name niggles at me, even after I hear the history of it. Can I really trust this story teller even while caring about him?
After all, Saul is, as the story begins, in a treatment centre for alcoholics. How often do treatment centres, run as they are by social workers and do-gooders, actually help anyone? Saul seems to have the same question. He is asked to tell his story because, according to his social workers, you can't understand where you're going if you don't understand where you've been. So he'll tell it but just so he can get out of there as fast as possible. Not a very convincing guy in which to place one's trust seems to me.
Saul's story begins with his childhood in northwestern Ontario where he lived a traditional way of life hunting and fishing with his parents, grandma Naomi and older brother Ben. At first I am a little skeptical because I do not remember anyone living that way in 1961. Yet when I recall my father's absolute forbiddance of the "get-rich-quick" plan hatched by my brother and I to harvest and sell wild rice to American and Manitoba tourists (at a profit far greater, we figured, than the 25 cents per dozen we pocketed selling them minnows)- He told us that the rice belonged to the Indians. He even showed us how it was marked with braided ties. And he told us he'd tan our hides if he ever caught us stealing it. My father did not tell me about dancing the manoomin though and I am momentarily enchanted by this little tidbit and that Grandma Naomi decides Saul and Ben are old enough to participate in this ritual, so they can learn to be men. My enchantment, though real, gives way to sadness though even as I begin trusting Saul, he describes how his parents, his mother in particular, was lost to him even before they abandoned him. The loss of his eldest sister, of his brother, of his whole family and finally his dear wise grandmother. How could anyone, let alone an eight year-old-boy, endure such tragedy? I realize it does not matter if it is 1961 or 1941. It is not my job to interject. It is Saul's job to tell his story and my job to shut up and listen.
I do. When Saul matter-of-factly educates me about the "hell on earth" at St. Jerome's Indian Residential School, where he was taken after his grandma died trying to save him from that very fate, I know that this is all true but the extent of this truth is overwhelming. It is even more heartbreaking than I could have imagined. While I wept at the Truth and Reconciliation hearings, I think I still had a bit of a reserve because it was adults who were telling their stories - survivors - who probably had themselves healed enough to have some distance - scar tissue protecting them. But here was an 8 year old boy, among hundreds of other boys and girls, children, being wounded. Daily. If not physically to his or her own person, then psychologically, emotionally, constantly, in the witnessing of torture and humiliation of classmates; in the night after night fear of being next, hearing the tell-tale rustling in the dark; seeing your classmates succumb, never being the same; having them disappear or kill themselves. With no escape.
It is unthinkable, unbearable and despite my resolve to just listen, I couldn't help but scream out to the author, "I can't help but notice you've not said one good thing about one good white person. All of your white people are evil. I know it was not like that. Your people have said there were good experiences in the residential schools. To be fair you have to give me that!"
And as if in answer to a prayer, Father Leboutilier arrives bearing gifts of worthwhile chores and hockey sticks and Jean Beliveau. I would have preferred Dave Keon but, hey, I accept. Oh sweet salvation. Once again I am romanced by young Saul as he learns the great Canadian game - socks on the linoleum, turds in the snow, wrist shots and crossovers and the "mystery of the ice". I am reminded of Paul Quarrington's gift in King Leary of the hockey playing monks. Saul will be okay. He is no longer the book reading, English speaking Zhaunagush to his classmates, he is Saul Indian Horse, hockey playing brother. Hockey will be Saul's escape from St. Jeromes.
And indeed it appears that it will be. Saul's talents do allow him to escape into the pure joy of playing and, as he gets older and better, away from the school. He moves in with the Kellys, a warm and supportive family in Manitouwadge, so he can play in tournaments.
But it all goes terribly wrong, because as Saul gets better and better and progresses through the ranks of hockey, so too does he get deeper and deeper into that outside racist world. His own teammates don't call him by name and the opponents and fans delight in bastardizing it -Indian Whores, Horse Piss, Stolen Pony - and the media labels him the "Rampaging Redskin". Saul resorts to giving them what they want and becomes the rampaging redskin and, in so doing, loses all the joy he had in the game.
There was a point in this novel where I was so devastated that I cursed the author, "Damn it Wagamese, you've betrayed me." and yet, by the novel's conclusion I was grateful and even allowed myself to be hopeful.
I was thoroughly engaged from start to finish, ran the gamut of emotions while reading and Saul Indian Horse has occupied my thoughts for ten full days now, as I struggled to write this monstrosity of a review. A great book.
For me, I will take some lessons from the Kelly family, whom Saul visits when he leaves the treatment centre and, in the meantime, I'll just shut up and listen.