Time to Parent

by Julie Morgenstern

In Time to Parent , the bestselling organizational guru takes on the ultimate time-management challenge ― parenting, from toddlers to teens ― with concrete ways to structure and spend true quality time with your kids. Would you ever take a job without a job description, let alone one that requires a lifetime contract? Parents do this every day, and yet there is no instruction manual that offers achievable methods for containing and organizing the seemingly endless job of parenting. Finding a healthy balance between raising a human and being a human often feels impossible, but Julie Morgenstern shows you how to harness your own strengths and weaknesses to make the job your own. This revolutionary roadmap A unique framework with eight quadrants that separates parenting responsibilities into actionable, manageable tasks―for the whole bumpy ride from cradle to college.
Simple strategies to stay truly present and focused, whether you’re playing with your kids, enjoying a meal with your significant other, or getting ahead on that big proposal for work.
Clever tips to make the most of in-between time ―Just 5-15 minutes of your undivided attention has a huge impact on kids.
Permission to take personal time without feeling guilty, and the science and case studies that show how important self-care is and how to make time for it.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Childrens, Adult, Psychology

352 pages, Paperback

Published September 4, 2018

About the author

Julie Morgenstern, dubbed the “queen of putting people’s lives in order” by USA Today, is an organizing and time management expert, business productivity consultant, and speaker. A New York Times bestselling author, Julie's five books are timeless reference guides that are insightful, reader-friendly and jam packed with innovative strategies. Each volume features techniques and observations culled from her 20 years of experience as a consultant to individuals and companies.

Julie’s company, Julie Morgenstern Enterprises, is dedicated to using her philosophies and methods to provide a wide range of practical solutions that transform the way people and companies function. They provide one-on-on coaching, productivity consulting and training to Fortune 500 companies, organizations and agencies around the globe.

A contributor to O, The Oprah Magazine from 2001-2007, Julie has also been featured in publications such as the Wall Street Journal, Time, Business Week, and Glamour and makes frequent appearances on national television and radio programs, including the Today Show, Rachel Ray, The Oprah Winfrey Show and NPR’s Fresh Air. Since 1989, she and her team have worked with clients such as American Express, GlaxoSmithKline, State Farm Insurance, The Miami Heat, the New York City Mayor’s office, Viacom/MTV and Hearst Magazines.

For more information, visit www.juliemorgenstern.com.

Reviews

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I admit that I did not read the book cover to cover. I picked out sections that I thought I could learn from. As a mother of 4 grown children and 8 grandchildren, and as a teacher, I feel like much of this book I've learned through experience and education. Not that I practice it all, but I have the knowledge in my head. It's about organization and efficiency, choosing when to be a perfectionist, and being in control of your day, your life, and your children. Type A personalities will love this book. Type Bs, like myself, maybe not so much. We're too laid back, going with the flow, too busy enjoying, to be that much in control. We would find being that organized too stressful and time consuming. Some organization and efficiency is fine with us, but we go by our gut. We're not lazy and scattered. We plan, but it may look like it's in code or not being used. We don't like being slaves to clocks, calendars, and schedules. Whereas a Type A parent will walk into a loud, chaotic environment and see chaos, a Type B parent will see learning, creativity, and opportunities for growth. And we'd be enjoying it, valuing chaos over complete control. Sacrificing pleasure for control, nope, that would make us crazy and frustrated and horrible parents. We're not driven by competition and that leaves room for supporting and appreciating the Type A parents. We are spontaneous, embracing last minute decisions. We can be great at the parenting equivalent, raising happy, well-adjusted children.

My daughter will absolutely devour this book. She will schedule the fun, create the babysitter chart, chart the day/week/month just like the book suggests - and be in her glory doing so. And it will work for her and her kids. Then Grandma will come over and ruin everything by baking unhealthy cookies with the grandkids.

[Jean Schram · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's nothing I hate more than a review of a book written by somebody who didn't read the book, so in the interest of fairness, I'll tell you that I read chapters 1-8 and 15, and I skimmed chapters 9-14. By chapter 8, I realized that I hadn't written even one thing down on the sticky note that I have in the book on which I write down pages to come back to in order to type up things I've learned. 3 stars because it wasn't a bad book; it's just stuff I already know having lived a lot of life, I guess. I'm a teacher, and I'm 41. I have small children, but I didn't find anything new here to help me raise them.

[Allysia K · Rating 4 out of 5]

Aside from the long and wholly unnecessary last chapter, this was an enjoyable read. My biggest takeaway is that kids benefit from short bursts of quality time - even 5-10 minutes - spread out throughout the day. I also like the simplicity of the four aspects of raising a human, and being a human. Making sure all 8 of these boxes are checked means you'll be a happy, healthy and whole human who is raising happy, healthy and whole kids (in theory). Reading this made me realize that I'm not doing half-bad for being a first-time parent. A nice confidence boost!

[Khaliah Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a parent of 2 young children I am always looking for books, articles and magazines to read about parenting, children and how I can improve on being a good parent. I came across Time to Parent and I was immediately drawn to the cover. Because of the colors of the hand prints, it drew me in like nothing else. I am a full time mom, wife, worker, student, contest enterer and I also work two side jobs. This book opened my eyes to see that all time is precious, time never stops and that our duty to our children never stops. This book enabled and encouraged me to put down my cell phone and become unplugged when I’m spending time with my children. As we all know, being & remaining unplugged can be quite a challenge sometimes. The various strategies outlined helped me realize that it is ok to be unplugged, and that spending quality time with my children is more important than anything else! I have recommended this book to all of my Mommy + Me groups, friends and family even those who will be adopting children this summer. This is a great resource guide for all and I really enjoyed it!

[Yelda Basar Moers · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book did not give me any "aha" insights and read like a manual rather than a book with a narrative. I don't like books that are way too structured and lack flow. This one was cumbersome to read, and though it was chockfull of ideas and research, getting through it was like tumbling down a mountain of research and ideas rather than taking a smooth journey. Parenting books can be so overwhelming and I think it's important to make the writing as accessible, intimate and engaging as possible to keep the reader on the page. The author did make a big deal about "presence" and being present for your children and really for everything important for you life, as there is little time for anything when parenting, which I found helpful. But no new and ingenious parenting ideas here. And as for organizational tips or strategies, there really was't anything here that I haven't already heard or read. So sadly I wouldn't recommend this book to my time-strapped fellow parent readers!

[Bruin Mccon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Time to Parent is one of a handful of parenting books that is life-changing.

This book is so good that I want to give it to every parent-to-be I know. They don’t know what is coming and it seems like all parents have a tacit agreement not to reveal the truth of how hard it is to parent. Honestly though, this book is useful for every parent, no matter how old your children are (save for parents of adult children).

The book is divided into sections: the fundamentals of how to raise children, and the necessities of self care for parents.

I can’t do the book justice by summarizing it all, so I will take just one bit: sleep. I’ve had lifelong sleep problems. The author mentions that most people have 90 minute sleep cycles, and need 5-6 per night. She suggests that you time your sleep for the cycles. I did this last night, changing my alarm to be a bit earlier so it wouldn’t land in the middle of a sleep cycle. I’m still exhausted but I managed to wake at the right time this morning and didn’t feel like I had mono upon waking up. It was frankly incredible.

Parents: read this book immediately.

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

About twice as long as it needs to be, bulked out with anecdotes and dire pop-science warnings about how you'll destroy yourself and your child if you don't both give yourself enough care AND give your kids enough undivided attention. Advice is nothing you haven't heard before. Heavily focused on kids, not babies, so if you have a baby, just skip it. The "Love" chapter I found really bizarre, because it had next to nothing about marriage and a lot of talk about how you should be careful to spend enough time with friends and grandparents. I think I appreciate the work of Laura Vanderkam more, both because her advice is more novel, but also because her life (four kids, married) seems closer to mine than this author's (one and done, divorced).

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think Julie Morgenstern's superpower is making memorable acronyms. I read her Organizing From the Inside Out many years ago and still remember her very helpful organizing acronym: SPACE (sort, purge, assign, contain, equalize). This book provides equally useful acronyms and ideas that seem like everyone should know them but for some reason I hadn't articulated them clearly in my mind. The notion that it takes serious time to raise a human being and to BE a human being, and that you should plan to do both is powerful. I also like giving the job of parenting edges, since it tends to bleed into everything else when you're a stay at home parent. PART-provide, arrange, relate, teach--so important! And equally important, SELF-sleep, exercise, love, fun. I need to work on fun this year. It needs to have a place on the "To Do" list. I'm going to plan for it.

[Meagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Genres: parenting, self-help
Tone: informative, encouraging, secular (not spiritual)
Author: organizational consultant, single mom, somewhat famous
What I liked about the book: easy to read; practical advice peppered with relatable stories from her clients, encouragement, and brief mentions of clinical data from the professional world of psychology.
Other thoughts: I filled a notebook page with new tips for my parenting tool belt. The book didn't by any means exhaust the topic of time management for parents but the author did a good job of giving overviews.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a weird issue to have with a book, but there were just so many ideas and references, it was overwhelming and hard to get into a flow. I think the copious bite-sized suggestions would work for a lot of readers, but to me it felt cobbled together from other advice books (financial, health, etc.)

[Sarah Forster · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked how she broke up parenting into quadrants so I could reflect on areas I'm stronger and weaker in. So the concept of the book was great. The actual information and suggestions to improve each quadrant were pretty basic stuff, but if you don't read many parenting books I imagine it could be really illuminating. So.. not bad, but I'm a little sad because it had so much untapped potential.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chapter 9 on relating to your kids and connecting with them in the little free time we have was especially great!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rather than think of life with kids as a never-ending list of all the tasks you need to accomplish and roles you need to fill, the author suggests a way to divide your parenting responsibilities into four groups (Provide, Arrange, Relate, and Teach), and then figure out a way to do enough in each category. I like this framework and wish I had read this earlier in my parenting life, but here we are. The Arrange section was the one I found most relevant to my life right now; the logistics of how things run around here need a tune up.

43 when you spend time with your child, your presence imparts the message that you matter enough for me to spend time with you, to understand you, to pay attention to you.

Some things to work on:
-Make cards for all the tasks that need to be done and divide them up among the family. Seeing them all laid out at once makes it clearer how much work it takes to keep a household running.
-Automate the predictable (dinner menu and prep!)
-five anchors in a kid’s daily routine: wake up, get out the door, afternoon/after school, dinner, bedtime
-Each person takes a turn being in charge of dinner conversation that night. Don’t leave the table until everyone is finished. Stick around to help with table and dishes.
-Plan your weekends around seven units of time, one Friday evening and three each on Saturday and Sunday.
-daily or weekly calendar review (team meeting/family night)
-no devices during drive to school

Get paperwork in order. Financial, vital records, kids art & memorabilia, photos

146 of all the quadrants in PART…

150 the goal is to light up when you see your child

151 relate to your child while doing chores and errands “tiny moments of connection over seemingly mundane domestic tasks”

177 authoritarian, permissive, authoritative: which one are we?

192-183 quoting Laurence Steinberg’s book the 10 basic principles of good parenting:
“I hear what you’re saying, and I’ve done my best to explain how I feel, but I think we just disagree. I’m going to have to use my best judgment.”

191 on teaching your kids financial literacy: the sink or swim money program by John E Whitcomb

273
Remember what the research says: kids want your time, yes, but they’ll happily take less of it if it means their parent is fully present…
…It’s good, and even important, for your kids to see you pursue fulfillment beyond their existence. It teaches them that it’s healthy and normal to have interests and passions beyond the immediate influence of their family. It takes the pressure off, too: no one, not even your kid, wants to be responsible for your every happiness.

[LeeAnne · Rating 5 out of 5]

My only criticism was that this came across a little as professional organization advice (including some content that is really only necessary in specific situations: how to move houses, navigating divorce) repackaged as a means to parent more efficiently and effectively. Although I love organization and parenting advice so I gobbled it all up.

There is some evidence based guidance and some anecdotal advice. I loved the concept of breaking down parental tasks in to PART (provide, arrange, relate and teach) and SELF (sleep, exercise, love and fun). It helped me see where I could pull back a little and where I could step it up a little. I liked how the author defined relate as talking about and doing things of interest to your child. I loved the guidance around screen time. Especially the anecdote about the father who immediately switches over to paying attention to his child when his child comes up to him and he is using technology. He immediately switches it off, closes it, puts it down and gives his child his full attention. It seems like living the value of people over technology. I liked the goals the author put down for a family schedule and home: efficient, predictable, tidy, calm.

I also loved the phrases to use with a child who wants to delve into the rationale behind any particular decision "I hear what you're saying, and I've done my best to explain how I feel, but I think we just disagree and I'm going to have to use my best judgement." and "I know we disagree, but the situation is a lot more complicated than I think you understand, lets remember to talk about it later so that I can explain some of the different aspects of it to you."

For finances, I love John Whitcome's idea of continuing the spend save give jars and to build from that with the goal of having children take over budgets progressively building up to making their entire clothing budget for a year.

[S.A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a new parent. I am trying to learn how to balance my work and family life. Julie's self assessments helped me easily identify and understand where the imbalances in my time and energy were. She offered tangible advice and insight that allows me to create actionable change. I feel more prepared to begin my journey into parenthood with this roadmap/resource at my side!
Disclaimer: I am a freelancer currently working for Julie Morgenstern Enterprises. However, opinions in this review are my own. I did not receive payment for this Review.

[Jess Kimmet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spilled a lot of ink taking notes on this one, which is unique in providing clear edges to the “job description” of parenting. Reading this book leaves me encouraged and energized, with clear ideas on how to tackle the ongoing project of creating a happy, healthy life for my kids and for me.

(For busy parents, note that you can get about 80% of this book’s value out of the first three chapters; I’d also be sure to read the “Arrange” chapter, where the author’s particular expertise really shines.)

[Lee Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a good combination of parenting advice mixed with time management advice and how those two things coincide in our lives. The key takeaway seemed to be being a great mono-tasker. When you're in a situation be there 100% but know the expectations on where, when, how, with whom you're giving 100%. Her point of "your kids would really like you to be there all the time with them, but they would really love it if you were there a little less but when you're there to be there completely" i.e. put away your cell phone. Go out on a run. Work hard at work. But when you're back, be back.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been meaning to read Time to Parent for a few years and I'm so glad I read it at the beginning of the summer with my kiddos. This book is an excellent reminder about what strengths we bring to parenting, what we can focus on, and HOW we can make these areas better, with little to no extra effort. The book is well-organized into two main concepts: how we spend time parenting and how we spend time refueling. For me, this was a great reflection on how I can work on relating to my big kid and preteen (and my spouse!) and a reminder to prioritize sleep and exercise more!

[Kimberly Mccune · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely in my top five parenting books, maybe even in my top two. I've read books about how to parent and I've read books on self-development, but never have I read a book that integrated the two so seamlessly until "Time to Parent." Even if you feel like you have this parenting thing down, Julie Morganstern truly gets modern parenting and has so many quotable moments that make this easy-to-read book worth checking out. Highly recommended.

[Cortney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely terrific book! This is the first time I've heard someone dissect the parenting job as a job, defined its components, and provided long-term, sustainable strategies. This book is something between a spiritual self-help book and a detailed how-to guide for the busy parent who is trying to do it all but can't quite put his/her finger on what's missing.

[Belinda Carvalho · Rating 4 out of 5]

I especially ordered this in from America as I was really sold on the idea that it would help me with my time management skills. Weirdly enough the time element wasn't as helpful as I thought but overall this is just a great book about parenting, nurturing and making time for yourself. Suggestions are really clear, realistic and easy to adopt.

[Sarah Kerner · Rating 3 out of 5]

The portion of this book that focuses on parenting was much better than the portion focused on self care. It may be that I’m more familiar with this topics whereas some of the parenting stuff were new ideas to me. I do really like the 4-part framework for both parenting and self care that the author lays out.

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book for ALL PARENTS EVERYWHERE. Its premise is that our job as parents can seem completely overwhelming because it has no parameters besides our own parenting values, which we're forced to develop on the fly. Morgenstern outlines the job description of a parent while leaving plenty of room for personal interpretation. Her acronyms of P.A.R.T. for the parenting job and S.E.L.F for maintaining a parent's sanity and sense of self are already helping me reframe my perspective on being a working mom.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked how this book divided parenting into four major categories. It helped me understand where I and my husband fit in to give our kids a well-rounded childhood. There were practical, general tips that made sense. It didn’t help me find time to parent or make me feel better about the things I can’t do or do badly - basically, it wasn’t magic.

[Kitty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this organizational approach to parenting. I read so many parenting books it’s hard to remember the advice and especially what cams from where. Her mnemonics and quadrants are REALLY helpful for me in making sure I have a balanced life. I keep telling people about them. I think this book will stick more than most.

[Kelsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the 4 areas of parenting and 4 areas of self-care she identified as a framework for analyzing all the things parents balance. However, her tips in each area seemed pretty standard and she shared plenty of studies that didn’t seem reliable or implied causation when there was merely correlation.

[Tess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some good tips. I really appreciate her approach.

I think I will start following her on social media just to keep getting her message about time management reinforced.

About the audiobook - I loved that she read it, but i had to speed it up to 1.25x because I thought she had some really long pauses.

[James Speiker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Key lesson I learnt from this book: 15 minutes can be just as good as many hours, if you focus and give those 15 minutes to your kids. If you are there but not paying attention to your kids, those hours are wasted with them.
The rest of it, may not be relevant to me or many others. It is worth the read to help understand that a change of perspective could make the difference.

[Ada · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm sometimes reticent to accept the advice of someone who only has one child and is purporting to be an authority on something related to childrearing. However, I appreciate the way the author tries to create flexible and still truthful guidelines while being conscious of the individual needs and wants that make us whole human beings.

[Babs Bradhurst · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing - I want to give a copy to all the fellow parents in my life.
This book breaks big ideas down into digestible sizes and offers practical, realistic tips for making change.
I highly recommend it.